"Welcome to my sequel," said the Spider(man) to the Octopus

Hey Mr. Grabby Hands, stay away from my Claudia!The new Spiderman 2 trailer hath arrived, and man-o-man, does this puppy deliver. I haven't been this excited about a spider since Charlotte wrote "some pig" in her web. Or maybe since Ralph Fiennes started playing with his ball of twine. How 'bout since William Hurt was locked up with Raul Julia? My well of cinematic spider references is now officially bone dry.

Seems that Spidey has hung up his threads in this one, because the whole hero thing has been keeping him awfully celibate. Hence, the noctural emissions web-slinging. Evidently Peter Parker hasn't seen Superman 2, because shockingly enough, a new baddie shows up in the form of Dr. Octopus (Kneel before Ock!) which messes up his plans to give Claudia "some more." To be honest, even though Tobey claimed in the last one that he broke up with Dunst because of he had bigger fish to fry, I secretly suspect it's because he saw this picture. Eek.

Back to Mister Grabby, Alfred Molina was born to play this role; when he threatens to peel the flesh off Dunst's bones, you know he ain't whistlin' Dixie. Nobody gives a movie more oomph than Alfred Molina, as anybody who's seen Boogie Nights or Frida knows. Between Willem in the first one and now Alfred, I really don't think Sam Raimi possibly pick better character actors as villains.

Despite James Franco (Will he ever play a non-whiny character?) grousing his way through revenge, there's still J.K Simmons' rat-a-tat-tat and Sam Raimi's always-slick direction; the whole shebang is as close to a can't miss proposition as you can get. Even the CGI looks much less, well...CGI-y. I just make up new words as the need arises, as you can tell.

My only concern is that little clip where Dylan Baker expresses concern over Peter's grades and his perpetual exhaustion. I pray that Mr. Baker does not offer to have Peter come over for some one-on-one tutoring, complete with tuna sandwiches. That would seriously change the tone of the film, and rob a lot of people of their Happiness. But I'm relatively confident that Spiderman 2 will not go down that road.

So, to paraphrase the legendary Robert Evans, will I be there opening night? You bet your ass I will.

Tune o' the moment: Jessie's Girl by Rick Springfield (mp3 via Technoblog.)

posted by drew on 4/09/2004

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