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So everywhere I surf these days, I see these banners ads and whatnot for the seemingly excruciating movie Without A Paddle, starring the unholy trinity of Seth Green, Matthew Lillard, and Dax Shepard. And some other guy...what's his name...tip of my tongue...oh yeah! Burt Reynolds.
Burt freakin' Reynolds.
Let's flash back to 1997, shall we? Paul Thomas Anderson, a much kinder soul than I, plucked Burt Reynolds from out of his cinematic banishment (a la QT's rescue of John Travolta) and gave him a super-juicy role in Boogie Nights. Was Burt humble? Did he get down on his knees daily and thank P.T. Anderson for this charity? As memory serves, Burt was an incredible pain in the ass on the set during the shoot, then after he saw the flick, he fired his agent because he thought it was godawful. He then proceeded to trash the movie publicly and say how he would never work with a newbie director again. Even after the movie got acclaim, he told Mark Wahlberg "I don't know why but they love this movie." Wahlberg's reply? "Because it's a f***ing great movie."
When you get schooled by Marky Mark Wahlberg, that should immediately clue you that you're on the express train towards winning the gold medal for assitude.
Even after being a complete schmuck, Anderson offered him a role in Magnolia. Reynolds refused. Now, I'm not a big believer in karma or anything, but after publicly showing his ass for months, he didn't win the Oscar and plunged right back into obscurity. As my Uncle Olaf once eloquently put it...you can't polish a turd. Check out his filmography post-Boogie Nights. Have you even heard of 90% of those atrocities? Auf Herz und Nieren? Time of the Wolf? You're officially in Kari Wuhrer and Shannon Whirry territory now, Stick.
So, where was I? Oh yeah, Without A Paddle. Check out the billing on the poster. He's below Seth Green, Matthew Lillard, and Dax. Yup, he can't even get billing above the doofus from Punk'd. If Burt Reynolds had only paid attention to the lesson of Boogie Nights, he would have realized that having a giant c*** can put you on top of the world, but being a giant c*** will assure your eventual Icarus-like plummet into obscurity.
Related tune: Falling by Julee Cruise (mp3 via animalrescue.de)
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Obviously, I'm not trying to re-invent the movie blog wheel here. I'm just never lacking in opinions about movies, pop culture, news, and other assorted hoohah. And my mailman has put a restraining order on me, so here's my place to vent.
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