posted by drew on 11/25/2004
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Watch this trailer (Quicktime) for Vin's new family comedy The Pacifier, and tell me that you have still have a shred of respect for Vin Diesel. I dare ya. I double dog dare ya. I would sooner pay money to see that "divine" freakin' sandwich than I would to see Vin Diesel whore out his last shred of dignity in this cinematic crime against humanity. Boy, having a "tough guy" do a family comedy with children is such a brand new concept! And it's directed by the guy who did Bringing Down The House, so you just know it's going to be incredibly subtle!
In about two minutes of trailer, there are three, count 'em, three different baby fart/crap gags, culminating in Mr. Diesel pulling out a poopy diaper right as the narrator says "duty calls."
Duty calls. Vin with diaper con doody.
If I had a sharp object on my person at that particular moment, your beloved Drew probably wouldn't be writing this right now. But I learned long ago never to watch trailers while in the vicinity of any potentially lethal weapons. I call it my Soul Man rule.
Maybe I'm just being an elitist snob. There must be some sort of market for action guys doing the PG kiddie fare, or else they wouldn't keep making 'em. Somebody's gotta be buying Kindergarten Cop and Disney's The Kid, right? I have a sneaking suspicion they're the same people who send me e-mail forwards swearing that if I forward their e-mail to nine other people, I'll get a $50 gift certificate to Applebee's.
But hey, watching these types of movies or sending out forwards for financial gain do share a common end result - excruciating pain followed by the eventual ponderance of "What the hell was I thinking?"
Related tune: Haven't Got Time For The Pain by Carly Simon (Real Audio via terrificmusic.com
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