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Terrence and Thandie oughta put a hat on Matt Dillon's bed
posted by drew on 1/31/2006
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The Oscar nominations of tomorrow...today!
It's that glorious time of year once again, the time when I throw my Heineken bottle at the tv whilst cursing/crying and questioning the existence of a higher power. Yup, Oscar nominations come out tomorrow. When I was a wee lad, I spent one Colorado winter up in a hotel where the chef confided to me that I have a certain "shine" about predicting the Academy Awards. Strangely, I never heard from him again after that.
Anyway, I figure it's only right to share this gift with you, dear readers. Not only shall I tell you what's going to be nominated, I'm going to tell you what's going to win. And lest you think I'm joking...I'm the one who predicted that New Coke would fail. Yup, I really went out on a limb with that one, too. So when I do well, feel free to sit your grandchildren on your knee and impress them with tales of my power of second sight. And if I do poorly, then feel free to mock me mercilessly whilst poking me with a branch of some sort. And here we go:
Best Picture
Brokeback Mountain Crash Good Night And Good Luck Munich Walk The Line
If I had more brains, I would have predicted: Capote. If I had more cojones, I would have predicted:The Constant Gardener. If the Academy had taste, they would have nominated: Squid And The Whale. Should win: Munich. Please don't hurt me. Will win: Brokeback Mountain. May lightning strike me dead if I'm wrong.
Best Director
Ang Lee - Brokeback Mountain George Clooney - Good Night And Good Luck Fernando Meirelles - Constant Gardener Paul Haggis - Crash Steven Spielberg - Munich
If I had more brains, I would have predicted: Bennett Miller (Capote). If I had more cojones, I would have predicted:David Cronenberg (History Of Violence). If the Academy had taste, they would have nominated: Chan-wook Park (Oldboy). Should win: Steven Spielberg. Will win: Ang Lee. Signed. Sealed. Delivered.
Best Actor David Strathairn - Good Night and Good Luck Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain Joaquin Phoenix - Walk The Line Phillip Seymour Hoffman - Capote Russell Crowe - Cinderella Man
If I had more brains, I would have predicted: Terrence Howard (Hustle And Flow). If I had more cojones, I would have predicted:Jeff Daniels (Squid And The Whale). If the Academy had taste, they would have nominated: Eric Bana(Munich). Should win: Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Will win: Phillip Seymour Hoffman. And many years of Oscar wrongs will be righted.
Best Actress
Charlize Theron - North Country Felicity Huffman- Transamerica Judi Dench - Mrs. Henderson Presents Keira Knightley - Pride And Prejudice Reese Witherspoon- Walk The Line
If I had more brains, I would have predicted: Ziyi Zhang (Memoirs Of A Geisha). If I had more cojones, I would have predicted:Joan Allen (Upside Of Anger). If the Academy had taste, they would have nominated: Laura Linney (Squid And The Whale). Should win: Felicity Huffman. Will win: Reese Witherspoon. Elle freakin' Woods. Sheesh.
Best Supporting Actor Bob Hoskins - Mrs. Henderson Presents George Clooney - Syriana Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain Matt Dillon - Crash Paul Giamatti - Cinderella Man
If I had more brains, I would have predicted: Terrence Howard (Crash). If I had more cojones, I would have predicted:Kevin Costner (Upside Of Anger). If the Academy had taste, they would have nominated: William Hurt (A History Of Violence). Should win: I'm indifferent. So shoot me. Will win: Paul Giamatti. And many years of Oscar wrongs will be righted.
Best Supporting Actress Amy Adams - Junebug Catherine Keener - Capote Maria Bello - History Of Violence Michelle Williams - Brokeback Mountain Rachel Weisz - Constant Gardener
If I had more brains, I would have predicted: Scarlett Johansson (Match Point). If I had more cojones, I would have predicted:Gong Li (Memories Of A Geisha). If the Academy had taste, they would have nominated: Thandie Newton ( Crash). Should win: Maria Bello. Will win: Michelle Williams. Never underestimate the number of beards in the Academy.
As for the other categories...I'm way too lazy to keep this up. Brokeback and Crash are locks to win for their respective screenplay categories and that's all I've got, folks. To all you souls out there that predict things like Best Documentary, Short Subjects, I tip my hat to you. Either that, or I pity you...perhaps a little of both.
Related tune: I Saw The Light by Todd Rundgren (Windows Media via infoseek isweb)
posted by drew on 1/30/2006
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The Apocalpyse: Brought To You By Eugene Levy
You know the drill by now, click the pic to embiggen.
Tragically, part about American Pie: Band Camp being #1 is absolutely true. Please don't kill the messenger.
Related tune: American Pie by Don Mclean (mp3 via www.suu.edu)
posted by drew on 1/05/2006
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