The Itty Bitty Titty Committee Script - Dialogue Transcript

The Itty Bitty Titty Committee Script

  
  
Well, what is it
that they're...

  
that younger women
are pushing up against?

  
They seem to have a list
of options to choose on.

  
The options are
not as narrow

  
as they might have been...
30 years ago.

  
So where does
the problem lie now?

  
Um, I think that...

  
Um, and...

  
um, and,
um, um, um, um and...

  
Anna?
How you doing?

  
It looks
a little bit too big.

  
Move over here
so we can get a better look.

  
C'mon.

  
C'mon.

  
You look so pretty
with your hair back.

  
You're gonna wear
a little makeup

  
for the wedding, aren't you?

  
Mom.

  
I've read the lesbian
handbook from cover to cover

  
and it doesn't say
anything about no makeup.

  
Mom, I have to go.

  
I still have to get
something to eat.

  
You can do lip gloss.

  
Lipgloss is easy.
It's almost invisible.

  
And lift up your arms.
She needs to fix the body.

  
Ahhhh...

  
Oh, Ellen!
You look gorgeous.

  
Oh, you look beautiful.

  
Don't cry.
Mom, please don't cry.

  
Ay, mi muchachita, Linda.

  
It's perfect.
Thank you so much.

  
Fuck you!

  
Come on, lady!
Learn how to drive!

  
Delivery!

  
Anna, didn't you just
come back from lunch?

  
Yeah, but I didn't
actually eat anything.

  
You come back late
and you haven't eaten?

  
That's F'd up.

  
Oh, I thought
you said no mayo?

  
- I did.
- Well, why didn't you tell him?

  
Oh, now look at this.

  
This is adorable.
You would look great in this.

  
- You think so?
- Yeah.

  
It's a little tight, isn't it?

  
It's sexy.

  
Maude, can you come back
here for a sec?

  
She wants to
look at your D's.

  
Duty calls.

  
I'll be right there,
Dr. Granger.

  
[phone ringing]

  
Anna, it's Justine - again.

  
I know you're there.
Would you pick up?

  
Look, I just wanted to say
it's been three weeks

  
and I really want my CDs back.

  
I've already asked you
like 100 times.

  
You can just put them in
a box and leave them outside.

  
I'll come by when
you're at work tomorrow.

  
And stop calling
Kelly and Al.

  
They're my friends.

  
Ellen, can you pass me
the mashed potatoes, please?

  
So Anna, guess you'll be
going to UCSB in the fall?

  
You're following in Kevin
and Ellen's footsteps, huh?

  
It's a good school.

  
Well, I didn't get in.

  
Oh... what were your backups?

  
She was hoping to get in.

  
Well, sometimes it's best
to just sit out a year or so

  
and think about what
you want to do.

  
Kevin changed his major
three times his freshman year.

  
- Only three?
- Oh, at least that.

  
So the wedding planner
called me today,

  
freaking out
over the wedding list.

  
I told her that we'd give
her final numbers by Friday.

  
Oh, absolutely.

  
Justine is coming, Anna?

  
Yeah.

  
Well, no.

  
- Why not?
- Mom.

  
Anna has the
prettiest girlfriend.

  
You'll love her.

  
She tells the best jokes.
Very outgoing.

  
Mom, we broke up.

  
Why didn't you tell anybody?

  
I didn't want to
bother you guys.

  
You guys are busy
with the wedding.

  
Not that busy.

  
Would anybody like to
have some more wine?

  
Oh, absolutely.

  
This was really good.

  
A breakup is a great
opportunity for you

  
to spend some time
on yourself.

  
Hey, I know what you need.

  
I promise it'll make
you feel so much better!

  
I don't know.
You think so?

  
Look, your discount's
gonna kick in in two months.

  
Do you know how many
people would kill to get

  
a 50% discount
on a boob job?

  
It's like Christmas...
but for your boobs.

  
- I'll think about it.
- Good for you.

  
Everything's gonna
work out, okay?

  
C'mon.

  
- Chin up!
- Bye, Maude.

  
Aww, shit.

  
You hiding from me?

  
No?

  
Come here.

  
Come on.

  
I'm not going to bite you.

  
Did you call the cops?

  
I tried, but I didn't
get a signal.

  
What's your name?

  
Anna.

  
Here...

  
Hold this.

  
You do know it's illegal to
deface public property, right?

  
A felony in California.

  
What are you doing?!

  
Don't take it personally.

  
Everyone's gotta
have insurance.

  
Come here.

  
Come here.

  
I run a group of girls
called Clits in Action.

  
It's catchy, right?

  
You could just
call us the CIA

  
if it makes you feel better.

  
We're getting
together later on tonight.

  
I think you might
get something out of it.

  
I know you would.

  
Here's my number.

  
Sadie.

  
Call me if you're coming.

  
I'd love to see you there.

  
Okay.

  
Guess I'll take that back.

  
Yeah.

  
Bye, Anna.

  
Tomorrow on Marcy Maloney,
we'll hear from...

  
Hey...

  
Kevin and I
are leaving now.

  
Are you sure
you don't wanna talk?

  
I can tell him to wait.

  
No.

  
Listen, I think you
need to move out.

  
Yeah.

  
Look, Anna...

  
People break up.

  
It sucks,
but you have to move on.

  
Call me if you want.

  
Hey there, girls and gals.

  
You've reached
Sadie's voicemail.

  
Hey, Sadie.
It's Anna.

  
We met when you were
defacing my office?

  
I just wanted to say that
maybe that I could come

  
to that meeting tonight.

  
Who the fuck are you?

  
Anna.

  
Are you going
to let her in?

  
Did anyone follow you here?

  
I don't think so.

  
Do you have any
photographic devices on you?

  
My cell phone?

  
Shulie, she's harmless.

  
Let her in.

  
Hi.

  
So, the lovely lady at
the door was Shulamith,

  
otherwise known as the head
of the hospitality committee.

  
Forgive her.
She's a recovering lawyer.

  
Meat, this is Anna.

  
Anna, this is Meat.

  
- Hi.
- Hi.

  
Meat designs all our projects.

  
She's an amazing artist.

  
What are you making?

  
If it were any of your
business, you'd know.

  
Shulie!

  
You want a drink?

  
Okay.

  
You cool with vodka?

  
Yeah, sure.

  
All right, wait here.
I'll be right back.

  
- So where'd Sadie find you?
- At my work.

  
What's it like working
in an industry

  
that encourages women to view
themselves as sex objects?

  
Some women just
want to look good.

  
The death rate from
liposuction victims is higher

  
than the death rate
from automobile accidents.

  
I hope you sleep
well at night.

  
Nobody's died
since I've been there.

  
- But, I'm not a doctor.
- That's no excuse.

  
Anna, this is Aggie.

  
He's the man of the house.

  
What's up?

  
- Hi.
- How you doin'?

  
I thought you said
this was a girl's group.

  
It is.

  
Aggie gets a free pass
for being born with a clit.

  
Hey!

  
He's not in the fucking circus,
so you can stop gawking.

  
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...

  
It's cool.
I'm used to it.

  
Aggie's a tough one.

  
Not everyone's got
the balls to take it.

  
No pun intended, of course.

  
Sit down, Anna.
Make yourself comfortable.

  
Sorry about the mess.

  
It's part of what we do.

  
What do you do?

  
I don't really
think we should be

  
discussing this
in front of her.

  
Relax, Shulie.
Anna came here to learn.

  
Besides, we have insurance.

  
Look, Anna, what we
do is really simple.

  
We reclaim public
space for women.

  
Why, though?

  
Because it's important.

  
Most people don't
realize how important it is.

  
You may or may not have
noticed that the public arena

  
is entirely dominated
by phallocentric imagery,

  
chauvinistic political leaders,
male fantasies of women.

  
Most women aren't even
aware how much it affects them.

  
And that's where we come in.

  
I'm sorry.
I'm confused.

  
Exactly.

  
We're not trained
to think the right way.

  
We're not trained to
see what's all around us.

  
The only way to make you and
people like you understand

  
is to affect change.

  
And the most effective
way to affect change

  
is to step outside
the system and tear it down.

  
Tear it down.

  
And that's why you spray paint
plastic surgery clinics?

  
- Why do I even bother?
- It's your calling.

  
It's not just spray
painting surgery clinics, Anna.

  
We're a seed group.

  
The idea is to inspire
women all over the country

  
to follow our lead.

  
Show her the website.

  
We also post the work of
other groups that we admire.

  
The idea is to create a forum
and teaching space where

  
women everywhere can learn
how to fight the system.

  
And you guys aren't
afraid of getting caught?

  
No.

  
She was my first girlfriend.

  
We met at Girlbar.

  
It was pretty fun.
It was cool.

  
Why'd you guys break up?

  
She broke up with me.

  
Well... she's an idiot then.

  
It's so beautiful up here.

  
It's the best part
about living downtown.

  
Yeah.

  
I didn't think you
were gonna come.

  
I didn't think I was
gonna come either.

  
I'm glad you did.

  
[moaning in distance]

  
What's that sound?

  
It sounds like
somebody's dying.

  
That's Shulie
and one of her guys -

  
one of her many guys.

  
I think I should go.

  
My mom's probably really
worried about me and...

  
It's pretty late.

  
Here, check this out.

  
It's got a lot
of information about us,

  
what we do and all that.

  
If you're interested.

  
Thanks.
I am.

  
Should I call you?

  
Just read the 'zine.

  
Get out of here before you
get yourself grounded.

  
Oh, God.

  
Another baby dyke
come to save the world.

  
Twin Palms Plastic
Surgery Clinic.

  
Enhance your body,
enhance your life.

  
This is Anna.
How may I help you?

  
Please hold.

  
Mrs. Smith's on line 3.
She says she's leaking.

  
Hi, sweetie.
How are you?

  
Yes.
That is totally normal.

  
Excuse me...

  
Excuse me!

  
Can she speak English?

  
I've been waiting
for 15 minutes.

  
Are you gonna sit there
and let my lips deflate?

  
He's in a consultation.

  
It'll just be
a few more minutes.

  
I'm sorry about that.

  
It's called
sero-sanguinous fluid,

  
and it's completely expected.

  
Dr. Granger should have
prepared you for that.

  
No. You should not
be having to change

  
the gauze every hour.

  
Would you like me
to go ahead

  
and leave a message
for the doctor?

  
Did you see what some
lunatic did to our building?

  
People are so crazy.

  
Why are you dressed like
the damn Black Avenger?

  
You might as well
wear a sign saying,

  
"Arrest me.
I'm doing something illegal."

  
Come on, Shulie.
I said she's in.

  
Okay?

  
Fine.

  
Aggie, you've got
the stuff to pick the lock?

  
Yeah, I got it.

  
All right.
Meat and I got the goods.

  
- You got the video camera?
- Yeah.

  
- All right.
- So what should I do?

  
You be on lookout.

  
What am I looking out for?

  
Anyone who's not us.

  
Right.
Let's go.

  
Hold it, son.

  
What were you doing
in the alley back there?

  
I was just taking
a short cut.

  
Shit.

  
Sadie, guys.
We gotta go... right now.

  
I'd like to
give it up to Anna

  
on losing her cherry
with the CIA.

  
Shall her clit no longer
be without action.

  
You did a great job tonight...
even with the outfit.

  
Are we gonna
watch this or what?

  
Yeah, bring it on, bitch.

  
Let's go.
It's time.

  
Let's get into action.

  
Action!

  
Shulie, I have
a present for you.

  
Oh, yeah?

  
Wait 'til you see this.
You at your best.

  
Oh, my God.

  
Showing some ass, Shulie?

  
You'll need something
to dream about.

  
That is so
going on the website.

  
- Is it?
- Yeah.

  
Good. Do it.

  
Sadie, what's going
on out here?

  
Hey, everyone.

  
Hi.

  
Listen, would you mind
not smoking in the house?

  
Oh, Court.
I'm so sorry.

  
I totally forgot.

  
Listen, I hate to
break this up,

  
but I gotta be at work
at eight in the morning.

  
Everyone was
just about to leave.

  
We just got here.

  
Yeah?

  
All right.

  
I'll see you upstairs.

  
Night, everyone.

  
Night.

  
Sorry.

  
You guys'll show
yourselves out?

  
I'm gonna make
sure she's not mad.

  
We can watch it tomorrow.

  
Whatever.

  
Man, that girl
is so whipped.

  
How long have
they been going out for?

  
What?
Sadie and Court?

  
They're like ancient history.

  
Surprise, surprise.
Somebody didn't know that.

  
Don't pay any
attention to them.

  
You need a ride?

  
Yeah. Sure.

  
Aw, I love this band.

  
Me and Sadie went to
their show last month.

  
It was awesome.
They're really good live.

  
So where did you
and Sadie meet?

  
Uh, I met her
at this club downtown.

  
That's when I was
living in my car at the time.

  
And she hooked me up with
Shulie to stay on their couch.

  
Why were you living
in your car?

  
My parents kicked me out
of the house when I told them

  
I wanted to be a dude.

  
Wow.

  
So you like never talk
to your parents anymore?

  
Not right now, no.

  
I haven't talked
to them in a while.

  
They don't even
know where you are?

  
Can I ask you
a question?

  
Yeah.

  
Do you like,
like femmy girls

  
or like butchy girls?

  
Cuz I like femmy blondes.

  
I like femmier,
usually, I guess.

  
Yeah, me too.

  
But I always pick
the wrong ones, you know?

  
Either they like,
treat me like shit,

  
or they have girlfriends.

  
That sucks, dude.

  
[phone rings]

  
Hello?

  
Anna?
It's Sadie.

  
I just wanted you to know
that I had fun with you tonight.

  
You saved our butts.

  
Thanks.

  
I hope you'll keep coming.

  
You do?

  
Yeah, I do.

  
You're cute, Anna...

  
But you have a lot to learn.

  
I'll teach you though.
Don't worry.

  
We're doing some stuff this week
if you wanna be a part of it?

  
Is Courtney
gonna be there?

  
Courtney...
She's...

  
You know...

  
What?

  
She does the 9 - 5 thing.

  
She's... she doesn't get it.

  
We don't really...
connect so much lately.

  
Anyway, I hope to
see you this week.

  
Bye.

  
Anna?
Can I come in?

  
Anna, I know you're in there.

  
Haven't you ever
heard of knocking?

  
I've been knocking
for five minutes.

  
What happened to your room?

  
What the hell
did you do to your walls?

  
I no longer feel the
need to surround myself

  
with symbols of
the misogynist tyranny.

  
Okay.

  
Anna, I'm a little
worried about you.

  
Why's that?

  
For one thing,
you're supposed to be in charge

  
of the hors d'oeuvres
for the shower.

  
Mom said you
haven't done anything.

  
The shower's this weekend.

  
Mom is better
at that shit anyway.

  
That's not the point.
I feel like you don't even care

  
that your only sister
is getting married.

  
Marriage is a
sexist institution

  
designed by men
to oppress women.

  
Kevin and I are in love
and we want to celebrate that

  
with the people who matter
to us, including you.

  
I don't know why you
have to be such a bitch!

  
You know what?!

  
Hey.

  
Is Sadie here?

  
No, she went somewhere
with Courtney.

  
I think they're buying sheets.

  
Oh.

  
Did you paint this?

  
Yeah.

  
This is awesome.

  
I can't believe you
painted all of this.

  
Thanks.

  
Now if I could just get someone
to buy it then maybe I could

  
pay rent next month and Shulie
wouldn't be on my ass.

  
How does Shulie
pay the rent anyway?

  
By subletting the only
bedroom to someone like me.

  
I have a real job.
I pay real rent.

  
That allows you so-called
political feminists

  
to camp out
on the floor for free.

  
You are a black hole
of negative energy.

  
Oh, God.
More vagina imagery.

  
Well, they're really great.

  
I'm sure somebody
will buy them.

  
Thanks, but that's what
I thought two years ago

  
when I first made it.

  
Now it's collecting
more dust than money.

  
That sucks.

  
Hey, I need you for a sec.

  
I don't know which
picture to use for the site.

  
Which one do you think?

  
Mmm... use this one.

  
This is great.

  
Yeah.
Thanks, Anna.

  
I'll run it by Sadie
and see what she thinks.

  
She's very particular
about what goes on the site.

  
I'm sure she'll like it.

  
We have very similar tastes.

  
Did Sadie ever
tell you how we met?

  
Yeah, at Aftermath.
She told me.

  
Did she tell you that
we used to have a thing?

  
No.

  
Well, what happened?

  
After about a month she said

  
that she couldn't
leave Courtney.

  
I was still into the CIA,
so we remained friends.

  
Then about a few weeks later,
she had a new girl.

  
Since then I think it's
been about one a month.

  
Give or take.

  
I think I was Miss February.

  
Sadie and I are just friends.

  
Anna, I'm just
trying to help you out.

  
She's unavailable, no matter
what she tries to tell you.

  
Trust me, I know.

  
Somebody needs to pay her bills.

  
(male)
So, are you busy
this weekend?

  
Uh, I'm not sure.
I'll call you.

  
Cool.

  
Hey, can I get my keys?
I really need my car this week.

  
Yeah, I'll let you know.

  
Okay.

  
He's hot.

  
He's dumb as a stump.

  
Why is it that only the men who
know how to tickle the clitoris

  
are incapable of stringing
two sentences together?

  
I don't know, but I'm sure
that the women of the world

  
appreciate your extensive
research on the subject.

  
What are you laughing at?

  
At least he doesn't
have a girlfriend.

  
Check this out.

  
"And if you visit the park
before the authorities

  
take care of it,
be sure to check out

  
the newest installation:
a six-foot tall statue

  
of legendary feminist and
Black Panther, Angela Davis.

  
Though no one knows
who put the statue on display,

  
most are placing the blame
on a feminist micro-group

  
who call themselves the GIA.

  
It probably won't be there long,
so catch it while you can."

  
I can't believe that
we're in the paper.

  
This is so cool.
What else does it say?

  
That's it.

  
Just goes on to say
the tacos at the stand

  
in the park are excellent.

  
Why do they say blame?
Why not credit?

  
Credit should be
given to the CIA.

  
And they got our name wrong.
Let me see that.

  
I think its cool that we're
even in the weekly, Shulie.

  
We need bigger media.

  
Fuck this local bullshit!
We need to go statewide.

  
Yeah.
Absolutely.

  
There's a big protest for gay
marriage in Sacramento Friday.

  
It could be
the perfect platform.

  
Road trip, anyone?

  
I'm in.

  
Whoa.

  
You sure you don't have
to book any boob jobs

  
or something this weekend?

  
Hey.
I'm keeping an eye on the enemy.

  
I am!

  
Got it.
Anything else?

  
No, that's it.
Thank you.

  
Oh, honey, I can't believe
you opened this bottle.

  
How many times
have I told you?

  
Just check with me before
you open anything, okay?

  
- Sorry.
- That's all right.

  
Everybody hungry?
Dinner's ready?

  
C'mon, let's go eat.

  
I'm so glad I got
to come home

  
and spend some time with
some of Sadie's friends.

  
Sometimes I think she's hiding
you guys from me on purpose.

  
Where do you work?

  
Oh, I run a
non-profit organization.

  
Women for Change.
WFC for short.

  
She's being modest.
It's not just a non-profit.

  
It's the biggest non-profit
in the country

  
advocating for women worldwide.

  
I think
I've heard of that.

  
You were profiled on NPR.

  
And next month,
the WFC will be on

  
the Marcy Maloney show.

  
Marcy Maloney wants to
do a profile on you guys?

  
No, she's doing a show
on the 125th anniversary

  
of the Washington Monument.

  
So, we're speaking out
against the celebration.

  
Why are they celebrating
the 125th Anniversary anyway?

  
I mean, what is next -

  
the 7th anniversary
of the invasion of Iraq?

  
It's crucial that we
voice our disapproval.

  
What's wrong with
the Washington Monument?

  
Think about it.

  
Why do all of our important
American symbols

  
have to look like
enormous erections?

  
It's like, on vacation:
"Come on Honey, get the kids.

  
We're going to go
worship the giant white cock!"

  
It's ridiculous.

  
George Washington had
syphilis and was impotent?

  
So is it a mere coincidence
that the monument

  
resemble a giant erect penis?

  
Oh, God, you kids
are way out of control.

  
Don't patronize us, Courtney.

  
I mean why aren't there any
monuments to the female anatomy?

  
I don't know.

  
Why not a giant vagina?

  
I'd go visit that.

  
I bet you would.

  
Well, what about
the Vietnam Memorial?

  
It was designed by a women
and it's in the shape of a V.

  
The V stands
for Vietnam, not vagina.

  
She won't even admit that
she designed it on purpose.

  
She doesn't
need to admit it.

  
It's there.

  
Good point, Anna.

  
- Cheers.
- Cheers to you.

  
So do you
go to school, Anna?

  
- What?
- Do you go to school?

  
Uh, no, I'm just
working right now,

  
but, uh, I was thinking
about applying next year.

  
Do you know what
you'd like to study?

  
No.

  
I think Anna should
major in women's studies.

  
Oh, you better
be careful there, Anna.

  
Sometimes I think that Sadie
learned more about post-modern

  
feminist theory than she did
about how to affect real change.

  
That is so not fair, Courtney.

  
Why do you have to
belittle everything I do?

  
I support you.

  
You don't.

  
I do.

  
You don't.

  
- I do.
- You don't.

  
More wine?

  
[club noise]

  
So why are you
still with her then?

  
Let's see...

  
Inertia.

  
Confusion.

  
Self-loathing.

  
Her ass looks great in a suit.

  
Okay, seriously.

  
I admire her.

  
She was a guest lecturer
my second year at Smith...

  
and she just blew me away.

  
We didn't always fight.

  
I mean, I keep thinking
things'll get better...

  
then I go and leave a water
stain on her vintage

  
coffee wood table and we're
not talking for a week.

  
I don't know.

  
We got together
right when my Mom died.

  
So...

  
It's hard to leave.

  
The way things are going
with Courtney now,

  
I honestly don't think
we'll make it to next week.

  
What are you guys doing?

  
Come on.
Let's go dance.

  
I don't know how to dance.

  
Oh, come on.

  
Anyone can dance to this.

  
I'll just stand
here by myself then.

  
[loud, aggressive music plays]

  
Let me see what you got.

  
All you have to do is slam
into me as hard as you can.

  
Come on!

  
You're getting it!

  
Do it again, Anna.

  
You take her home.

  
Maybe she'll listen to you.

  
This isn't a
dating service.

  
What are you talking about?

  
This isn't fun and games.
This is real.

  
I mean, for Christ's sake,
the state of Mississippi

  
just ratified the
19th Amendment in 1984.

  
The 19th Amendment
was the one

  
that granted women
the right to vote.

  
I knew that.

  
What Sadie does with
her tongue is her business.

  
What happens
with the CIA is mine.

  
This is a war, Anna.
Women's lives are at stake.

  
I don't need you coming in
here distracting the soldiers.

  
I don't want to distract...

  
Good. So don't.

  
Okay.

  
Do you know how
I get my name?

  
Your parents?

  
Shulamith Firestone was a
radical second-wave feminist

  
who wrote a little book
called "The Dialectic of Sex,"

  
which is the foundation of all
feminist theory of politics.

  
She said, "Power,
whatever its origins,

  
however it is evolved,
will not be given

  
up without a struggle."

  
Are you ready
for the struggle?

  
Yes.

  
All right.
Get out of here.

  
Hey, babe, can you be
in charge for a minute?

  
I need to go to
the little girl's room.

  
Whatever.

  
Hey, are you all right?

  
I thought you had to pee.

  
Delivery!

  
Just you today, honey?

  
I'm not your honey.

  
Suit yourself.

  
Yeah, uh, Anna?

  
Did you write that
stuff in the bathroom?

  
Damn it!
I ordered mustard.

  
What's wrong with that guy?

  
Did you write that
stuff in the bathroom?

  
What stuff in the bathroom?

  
Oh, don't play dumb.

  
If Chris finds out about that
you'll be fired.

  
What would Chris be doing in
the women's bathroom anyway?

  
I'm leaving early.
Could you cover for me?

  
I'm going to Sacramento.

  
Sacramento?
Why in the world?

  
- You mean now?
- Now.

  
Who's gonna
watch the phones?

  
I have three
consultations this afternoon!

  
Bye.

  
Oooh... Soldier.

  
Hey.

  
Where you headed?

  
You can just drop me off
at the next diner.

  
Get in.

  
- Thanks for the ride.
- Yeah, no worries.

  
- See ya', guys.
- Bye.

  
Damn!

  
Uh, you do know
Calvin's a girl, right?

  
And?

  
I'm gonna see if she wants to
come to Sacramento with us.

  
This isn't a
dating service, you know.

  
I'm sorry, Shulie.

  
Last time anyone checked,
you liked men.

  
Who said I didn't?

  
Jesus, you dykes are
such closed-minded bitches.

  
All right.

  
I guess they're gonna sleep
out there or something.

  
I can't believe
Shulie's with a girl.

  
Ta-da!

  
Whoa!

  
I love it!

  
You've come a long way, baby.

  
Do you wanna put
some pink in your hair?

  
No pink for me.

  
Courtney would have a fit.

  
Who cares?

  
It's not worth the fight.

  
How long were you in Iraq?

  
Eighteen months...

  
until I was
dishonorably discharged.

  
Why'd that happen?

  
I was going to
this awards ceremony.

  
And I, um, brought a date.

  
I thought she was
really pretty,

  
but I guess they
didn't think so.

  
Don't ask, don't tell.

  
That's right.

  
Women make up 14%
of the American military,

  
but account for 30%
of the discharges under

  
"don't ask, don't tell."

  
- Fucking bastards.
- Right?

  
They're just pissed off
because we get

  
more pussy
than they do.

  
It makes them look totally bad.

  
I bet you make a lot
of people look bad.

  
Aren't you glad
to be out of there?

  
I kind of miss it, actually.

  
What?

  
The war is a complete lie,

  
based on false intelligence,
false pretext, false everything.

  
I don't care.
I just like to blow shit up.

  
I'm a fucking adrenaline junkie.

  
What?

  
So, what...

  
What are you gonna
do now that you

  
can't get your
adrenaline fix?

  
I figure there's gotta be
someone besides those

  
U. S government bastards
that could use my expertise.

  
I got a medal for my
work with explosives.

  
Really?

  
Yeah.

  
That is such a turn-on.

  
Why don't you just
break it off for good?

  
You say that
like it's so simple.

  
What am I
supposed to do?

  
Move back in with my Dad?

  
I don't think so.

  
It doesn't matter
where you live.

  
What matters is how you live.

  
Aren't we suddenly political.

  
I know.

  
I learned from the best.

  
You can't blame me.

  
Why are you so afraid?

  
I'm not afraid.

  
You are.

  
Thank you, ma'am.
I'll have another.

  
Thank you, ma'am.
I'll have another.

  
You gotta do it harder.

  
Now get down
and give me 20.

  
Wake up.
It's 5 AM.

  
We're going to Sacramento.

  
We gotta go
check out of the motel.

  
Okay, okay.
We're coming.

  
We're coming,
we're coming.

  
[crowd yelling]

  
Hey, sorry we're late.

  
Where were you guys?

  
Meat, Aggie, this is Calvin.

  
It's a pleasure.

  
Well, guess who decided
to become Ms. July after all.

  
Get over it, Meat.

  
Let's go to the stairs.

  
Look at that sign...

  
It's just not natural?

  
Where do they come
up with this shit?

  
They said the same thing

  
about interracial
marriage in the 1930s.

  
Well, yeah.
Interracial marriage was illegal

  
until California
lifted the ban in 1948.

  
It was the first state to do it.

  
Yeah, but it wasn't until
Loving v. Virginia

  
that the Supreme Court
ruled that prohibiting

  
interracial marriage
is unconstitutional.

  
Sixteen states at the time...

  
Were forced to
revise their laws.

  
Yeah.

  
- Nice work.
- Thank you.

  
I'm glad
we cleared that up.

  
- Are we ready?
- Let's do this.

  
Hey, hey!
Listen up!

  
Women and men of the gay
and lesbian communities -

  
what are you doing?

  
Why are you fighting to be
part of an institution that has

  
historically and categorically
discriminated against women?

  
We cannot bring down
the master's house

  
with the master's tools.

  
What are you
really asking for here?

  
To join their sexist ranks?

  
Hell no!

  
Marriage is an archaic
useless folk tradition.

  
End marriage!

  
Shut up!
We're not anarchists!

  
We're lesbians!
We want to get married!

  
Forget gay marriage.
Forget straight marriage.

  
I say we abolish all marriage.

  
Look, even the lesbos know

  
that they shouldn't
be getting married.

  
Excuse me?

  
I said, even dykes
like you know better

  
than to form a union
in the name of the Lord.

  
Actually, what I said was
that I don't think anyone

  
should be forming a union
in the name of anything.

  
It's a simplistic
and limited point of view.

  
You're a sinner and an
abomination against nature.

  
Jesus will punish you!

  
Listen, you fucking
Jesus freak!

  
This country has separation
of church and state.

  
Why don't you take your damn
Bible and go home with it?

  
Because it has no
business in our bedrooms.

  
Gay bedrooms breed AIDS -

  
God's cure for you perverts!

  
Take your God-fearing view
and shove it up your ass!

  
End the sexist
institution of marriage!

  
The LGBT community
deserves better than marriage!

  
Just say no to marriage!

  
CIA! CIA!

  
Fuck you!

  
Fuck you, motherfuckers!

  
Say no to marriage!

  
We're Clits in Action.

  
While little is known about
the CIA, they have already

  
been classified as violent
and against gay rights.

  
Shulie, you got a little
outta control there, huh?

  
You really need to learn
to rein it in a little bit.

  
We are not against gay rights,
we're against the binary system.

  
What the fuck is
wrong with the media?

  
That's not the point, Shulie.

  
You're a representative
of the CIA.

  
I mean,
you're shoving this woman.

  
We're not about violence.

  
Maybe we should be.

  
- What?!
- Can you listen to me?

  
You don't
think we should be?

  
No! You can't go around
just hitting somebody.

  
You wouldn't have
stood up to that bitch?

  
I just got a phone call from
Melinda who said she saw you

  
on the news in the
middle of a brawl.

  
What the hell is going on?

  
It's not a big deal.

  
Do you know
what this looks like?

  
What are you guys
even talking about?

  
You're against gay marriage?

  
You're going to reform
the entire system?

  
We don't even have equal rights.
What are you doing?

  
Look, I'm sorry that
your board of directors

  
is sitting around
watching TV, Courtney.

  
I gotta go.
I'm doing stuff.

  
Like what?
Punch out a senator?

  
(Shulie)
We're so soft.
We gotta keep going!

  
I gotta go.

  
You would have done
the same thing.

  
I know you would have.

  
It's bullshit, man.

  
This is all such
fucking bullshit!

  
You're right.

  
Everything we do
gets fucked up.

  
No one's getting our message.

  
She's right!

  
No, that is not true.
We still have the website.

  
I wasn't gonna say
anything before,

  
but since you bring it up...

  
Guys, I put a tracker
on the website to monitor

  
who was visiting the site.

  
And as it turns out, the only
people visiting the site

  
are the people
in this room right now.

  
So nobody's
visiting the site?

  
No one.

  
So everything we've done
has been a complete waste?

  
Yeah.

  
And the Zona's display got taken
down less than 24 hours later.

  
Yeah, and they took
Angela out of the park.

  
I went by there yesterday.

  
Yeah?

  
I need you to
come home right now.

  
We need to talk about this.

  
Fine.
I'll be there in half an hour.

  
Why do you let her
talk to you like that?

  
You should stand
up for yourself.

  
Anna, you should
stay out of it

  
because it has nothing
to do with you.

  
Does it?!

  
Anna, get in here.

  
What the hell
did you do to your hair?

  
I dyed it.

  
Are you trying to
sabotage my wedding?

  
It is just hair.
Do not be so dramatic.

  
You are the maid of honor.

  
Yeah. So?

  
So, you missed my bridal shower.
It was today.

  
I'm sorry, okay?

  
I forgot.

  
I kept calling.
You didn't answer.

  
I thought you were
a smear across some freeway.

  
I really wish you
had been there.

  
Well, I've been busy, okay?

  
Oh, too busy for me?

  
Well, you also missed
the final dress fitting, so...

  
here, you're gonna
have to wear this.

  
This?

  
- Yes.
- You want me to wear this?

  
This is a symbol of everything
that I fight against.

  
So you can take
your ugly-ass bra.

  
Good night.

  
- Anna!
- You're wearing the bra, Anna!

  
I am not going to wear
that padded bra!

  
Hey, Anna, it's me.

  
Look, I'm sorry about before,
I didn't mean to yell at you.

  
I'm gonna talk
to Courtney tonight,

  
so we won't have to deal
with any more of this drama.

  
Anyway, I had an
amazing time with you.

  
We definitely need
to go on more road trips.

  
I miss you already.

  
Bye, Anna.

  
Tell me again
why we're here.

  
Sadie and her
last minute bullshit.

  
I'm so over it.

  
Since we're saving money,
then presence on the web,

  
can I see a show of hands...

  
[doorbell rings]

  
We'll put it
toward advertising...

  
Sadie, what the fuck?

  
I thought we were
meeting tonight.

  
If you could just wait out
here for like 15 minutes.

  
- They're almost done.
- What?!

  
I don't want to piss her off.

  
Jesus, Sadie.

  
You call us all the way over
here and now you want us

  
to wait outside so that your
mommy doesn't get mad at you?

  
Fuck this!
I'm outta here.

  
All right...

  
I guess you can
come inside and wait.

  
Oh, shit, thanks.
That's generous of you.

  
Do you think you could give us a
bone to gnaw on while we wait?

  
- Sadie, what about our meeting?
- We'll get to it.

  
Hey...

  
So, did you talk to her?

  
I don't want to talk
about this right now.

  
So you didn't talk to her?

  
Anna, it's not that simple.

  
It's a yes
or no question, Sadie.

  
Relax.
Just relax.

  
I know,
but I just want to know.

  
Not here.
Don't be an idiot.

  
Wow...
I'm an idiot.

  
I'm a complete and total
fucking idiot for thinking

  
that you would ever change.

  
Do you know why
I joined the CIA?

  
Because you inspired me.

  
But now I see it's all bullshit!

  
You know, you make like
you're this bad ass

  
because you have
these radical politics.

  
But really... you're just
a fucking coward!

  
A coward!

  
Let them hear that.

  
Aggie, can you please
take me home right now?

  
I want to go home right now.

  
What about our meeting?

  
I think we should
cancel our meeting.

  
Why would we
cancel the meeting?

  
It's great for them because...

  
(Shulie)
This is fucking
bullshit.

  
Peter, could you take over
please for a minute?

  
I'll be right back.

  
It's fucking bullshit!

  
Sadie, I don't know why your
friends are here when I'm trying

  
to have a meeting or why
they can't behave like adults,

  
but I still have
ten pages of a budget

  
that I have to get approved.

  
So I'd appreciate it if
they could please leave.

  
- They're leaving.
- Sadie, don't bother!

  
I can't take
the drama anymore.

  
Fuck the meeting.
Fuck the CIA.

  
There's no wonder
why it's a complete failure.

  
Everyone's too busy fucking
each other and crying about it.

  
I quit.

  
Have a great meeting, Courtney.

  
- We can meet tomorrow.
- Why bother?

  
I'm so tired of working
my ass off for nothing.

  
I quit, too.

  
No, wait.
You cannot quit.

  
Guys, what's gonna
happen to the CIA?

  
It's not over.
You cannot quit the CIA.

  
Yeah, watch us.

  
Sadie doesn't care about the CIA
and she doesn't care about you.

  
All Sadie cares about is Sadie.

  
But Sadie said that we can
have the meeting tomorrow.

  
It's pathetic how you're
even defending her right now.

  
You think she's gonna
leave her bungalow,

  
her fancy summer house
in P-town for you?

  
So then what's gonna
happen to the CIA then?

  
What do you care?

  
You never did anything
except hang around

  
drooling all over
Sadie, anyway.

  
That's not true.

  
The CIA's over, Anna.

  
Come on.
Let's get out of here.

  
- You know what?
- Yeah?

  
The CIA's over
and I deserve to be drunk.

  
So, whatever.

  
- Morning.
- Morning.

  
I have morning breath
right now.

  
So, um...

  
You can use my tooth
brush if you want.

  
I'm gonna go take a shower.

  
Enjoy your breakfast.

  
Hey, guys, it's me.

  
I want to tell you
that I feel...

  
Oh, my God.

  
Sadie, it's not
what it looks like.

  
No, you're right.
It couldn't be.

  
Because what it looks like is
that you just fucked Aggie!

  
- No, it doesn't.
- Yeah, it does.

  
Okay, it does.

  
It didn't mean anything!

  
Oh, that's even better!

  
What does it matter?
You have a girlfriend anyway!

  
I'm sorry, okay?

  
We were drunk
and I was mad at you.

  
So, it's all my fault?!

  
No, it's not your fault.

  
It was a mistake.
It shouldn't have happened

  
and it definitely
won't happen again.

  
- Yeah.
- I promise.

  
Look, I may have my problems,
but I would never go behind your

  
back and fuck one of
your best friends, Anna.

  
- Please, Sadie!
- That's low!

  
I'm sorry!

  
I don't wanna see
you again, ever!

  
Don't follow me!

  
Sadie!

  
Please!

  
Put some fucking clothes on!

  
(Mom)
Anna, are you gonna
sleep all day?

  
Come on, you're not doing
yourself any good doing this.

  
Answer me, please.

  
Are you okay?

  
Our life sucks.

  
It doesn't suck.

  
Yeah, it does.

  
You're so negative.

  
You'd be negative, too,

  
if you thought your
girlfriend was leaving you.

  
I'm not leaving you.

  
Sure you are.

  
You don't love me.

  
I do.

  
You don't.

  
I do, and you know that I do.

  
I'm not exciting to you anymore.

  
You think I don't know that?

  
It's hell to be utterly boring

  
to the person
you're having sex with.

  
Not that we're doin' that.

  
Well, then what was last Sunday?

  
We didn't even
look at each other.

  
It was mutual masturbation.

  
I think you're one of
the most amazing people

  
that I've ever met, Courtney.

  
I love that you're
everything that I'm not.

  
Oh, God, Sadie.

  
When are you gonna get
some God-damn guts?

  
I'm trying.

  
Just tell me the truth, okay?

  
Have you been faithful to me?

  
Yes.

  
You're such a bitch.

  
I have.

  
I can't even trust you
to break up with me, Sadie.

  
Just tell me the
fucking truth, okay?

  
I have!
I've never cheated on you.

  
Yeah, well say it again.

  
- I've never...
- Never with Meat?

  
Never with Meat.

  
Never with that
girl from Starbucks?

  
Never with that girl
from Starbucks.

  
And never with Anna.

  
Never with Anna.

  
Never with Anna?

  
Okay.

  
[phone rings]

  
This is Twin Palms
Plastic Surgery Clinic.

  
Enhance our bank account

  
and we'll enhance your chance
of cancer and deformity.

  
This is Anna,
how can I not help you?

  
Hi...

  
I'm here for my consultation.

  
Which procedure?

  
Um, breast augmentation.

  
I heard that it's
really painful.

  
Is that true?

  
You know what's true?

  
Small tits are beautiful.

  
You're beautiful.

  
Oh...
Thank you.

  
Um, I have an appointment?

  
Do you work here?

  
No... I do work here.

  
And I'm here
to consult with you.

  
Your breasts are beautiful,
and you do not need

  
to put silicone in your body.

  
You shouldn't have to conform
to somebody else's idea

  
of what your body
should look like.

  
How is society pressuring
you to get a boob job

  
different from women in the
Middle East who feel pressure

  
to wear a sheet
over their head in public?

  
Or how is it different from
women in China who were forced

  
to bind their feet and
walk around half crippled

  
in order to feel
sexually attractive?

  
Um... does anyone else
work here?

  
Hi, sweetie.
Are you my two o'clock?

  
Try loving your
itty bitty titties.

  
No, no, no, no, no.
Excuse me.

  
Did you just say
something inappropriate?

  
Absolutely not.

  
Anna, what the hell?

  
I just came from the bathroom!

  
Are you f'ing insane?

  
I hired you because you're
good with computers,

  
not because you're good
at writing tampon poetry!

  
Fuck you!
I quit.

  
Delivery.

  
And I ordered mustard,
not mayo!

  
You get it wrong
every single time!

  
You fucking asshole!
Pig!

  
Save our oak or we will choke,
is the motto of my next guests.

  
We're gonna talk to these lumber
protectors and they're gonna

  
show us how you don't have
to compromise your ideology

  
to get that beautiful sauna
you've always dreamed of.

  
All this and more.

  
Only on Marcy Maloney.

  
What are you doing here?

  
You wanna fuck me now?

  
I deserve that.

  
Look, I know you
guys are pissed at me.

  
And I am so sorry.

  
But we cannot let
all of our bullshit

  
ruin everything
that's important to us.

  
I don't think it was
our bullshit at all.

  
I think it was your bullshit.

  
Yeah... it was my bullshit.

  
But I am...
I'm so sorry.

  
Okay, you're sorry.

  
And?

  
I blew it.

  
And I know I can't change
what already happened,

  
but it doesn't mean that we
have to just abandon the CIA.

  
Our actions -
they were too small before.

  
There was no real
exposure and no real pay-off!

  
Can you please look at this?

  
- That's good.
- That's really good.

  
Do you think Calvin
will help us?

  
Absolutely.

  
Okay.

  
And what about Aggie?

  
That's up to you.

  
Yeah, I know.

  
Do you hate me?

  
No, I don't hate you.

  
Aggie, I'm sorry.

  
I treated you like shit.

  
That was fucked up
what you did.

  
Yeah, that was fucked up.

  
And you're a really
amazing person.

  
I'm sorry.

  
You're an
amazing person, too.

  
It's cool.

  
Can I show you something?

  
Yeah, what do you got?

  
Holy shit, dude.
This is insane.

  
How are you gonna do this?

  
I don't know.

  
I'll figure it out.

  
But that's why
I need you to help me.

  
You gotta admit it's good.

  
It's good, dude.

  
Are you gonna do it?

  
Thank you
very much for coming...

  
So you and Meat will get there
first and break into the booth.

  
Then you go to position
and then I'll find Meat inside.

  
Did you ship Shulie
and Calvin the equipment?

  
What?

  
Anna, please shut up.

  
I'm sorry.

  
Do they have the blueprints?

  
Anna, we've been
through this 100 times.

  
I know.
I'm just really nervous.

  
Thanks to everyone.
Cheers to you.

  
Cheers.

  
There you are.

  
Anna, I want you to meet Pam,

  
one of my dearest
and oldest friends,

  
and her girlfriend, Jan.

  
Nice to meet you, Pam.

  
I'm Jan, actually.
Nice to meet you.

  
- Pam.
- Oh, sorry.

  
Technically, we've already met,
but you probably wouldn't

  
remember because you were
still in diapers at the time.

  
Did you go
to school with my Mom?

  
Actually, your mother and I
were interns together...

  
at Ms. Magazine.

  
You were an
intern at Ms. Magazine?

  
You sound shocked.

  
Well, you never told me that.
That's so cool.

  
I didn't know they
had Ms. in the 60s.

  
Uh, we worked there
in the 70s, darling.

  
The good years...
Right, Katie Kates?

  
Well, actually, Pam sits
on the Board at Sarah Lawrence.

  
You should talk to her.

  
Yeah, I was actually thinking
about applying there next year.

  
How's the women's
studies department?

  
We just hired two
fantastic new professors.

  
You should come.

  
Hello, and welcome to this
very special live broadcast

  
of the Marcy Maloney show.

  
Today our nation is celebrating
the 125th anniversary

  
of the erection of the
Washington Monument.

  
With us today are some
very special guests

  
to discuss their perspectives
on this holiday.

  
First, from the non-profit
organization, Women for Change,

  
Courtney Cadmar.
Welcome.

  
Thanks, Marcy.
It's an honor to be here.

  
Nice dress.

  
I didn't have enough
time to go home and change.

  
I'm sorry I'm late, okay?

  
Our guy never went to lunch,
so he's still in there.

  
So we can't get in?

  
- Not how we planned to anyhow.
- What about Aggie?

  
He's in position and no
one on the crew knows.

  
That's something.

  
It doesn't matter
if he's in position

  
or if he's in the
God-damn Bahamas.

  
We need to get into that booth.

  
We're gonna figure it out.

  
Okay?

  
Can you talk a little bit
about why Women for Change

  
is so upset about
this celebration.

  
It's a classic
form of distraction.

  
We have nothing else to
celebrate in this country.

  
Our leaders would rather
focus our attention

  
on a meaningless symbol
rather than engage the country

  
in the true issues at hand.

  
Well, what about patriotism?
Are you against patriotism?

  
[knock on door]

  
Hi, um, I was wondering
if you could help me?

  
I'm supposed to be on
the Terrence Davis show,

  
but I can't seem
to find the stage.

  
Yeah, sure.

  
Right down this hallway,
through the door, to the right.

  
Can you show me?
I'm really late.

  
Uh... sure.

  
Just walk right down
the hallway here,

  
all the way
around this corner.

  
I make a right first?

  
Yeah, right there,
and a right turn.

  
- Thank you.
- Good luck.

  
Hello?!

  
Did you patch in?

  
We are live
and on the air.

  
Here.

  
You are now in charge
of the Marcy Maloney show.

  
Use the power wisely.

  
- Hey, Anna?
- Yeah?

  
I'm really sorry about all that
stuff I said the other night.

  
I don't really
think you're pathetic.

  
Actually, you're a
pretty cool chick.

  
What's with the sudden apology?

  
I wanted you to know
in case anything happens.

  
Nothing is going
to happen, okay?

  
Let's get in touch with Aggie.

  
Camera 3, do you copy?

  
Go for camera 3.

  
CIA's in the house.
Get ready for phase 1.

  
Preparing for phase 1.

  
Wait for my instructions.

  
I'm getting in touch
with the DC unit right now.

  
Senator.

  
All right.
We're patching you in.

  
Got it.

  
And you're up!

  
Hi, guys!
Can you hear me?

  
Yeah. What's the
weather like in DC?

  
It's pretty humid.

  
All right we got you.
Is everything else good?

  
Let's rock this bitch!

  
Okay, just put the camera on it,
wait 'til I call for phase 2.

  
Copy that.

  
Oh, my God.

  
Now tell us about this monument.

  
Well, we're honoring the man
who created this great country

  
and the building that has come
to be the symbol of freedom,

  
standing forever rigid
in the face of its enemies.

  
That's not the kind of
symbol the American people need.

  
They need healthcare.
They need reproductive freedom.

  
They need public schools.

  
People need something
to bring them together.

  
Do we have
coverage of DC, Marcy?

  
Let's take a look at
the festivities, shall we?

  
Cut to Shulie's feed.

  
What the hell's going on?

  
Ooohhhh, Jesus!

  
Is this for real?

  
Why is there
a fucking dick on the screen?

  
I need to know
what's going on here.

  
We're having issues.
Just read this.

  
Folks, this is real.

  
This is happening,
right now, this exact image

  
has been placed onto
the Washington Monument

  
in our nation's capitol
today at 7: 16 p.m.

  
I'm not sure who
or what is behind it...

  
Get the fucking
dick off the screen.

  
Perhaps this guest
of yours is behind it.

  
All right, camera 3,

  
get a two-shot of Courtney
and the Senator.

  
Copy that.

  
Frankly, I resent the
implication that you think

  
that my group would be
part of something like this.

  
We need to lose the dick.

  
This is my job here!
God damn it!

  
Let's get ready for phase 3.
I'm texting Shulie.

  
Go to a commercial.

  
I can't get
anybody in the booth!

  
All the communication is out!

  
All right, Calvin...

  
let's see what you're made of.

  
[yelling, screaming]

  
Oh, my God!

  
Commence exit strategy.

  
Aggie, we're ready.

  
Put this shit on a loop.

  
We have to get out
of here right now.

  
Oh, man!

  
We've got a bomb
threat called in!

  
Everyone should calmly
proceed to the exits!

  
Hurry the fuck up, people!

  
What the hell's going on?

  
Anna, we've got to separate.

  
The car's on the corner
of Alderside and Grant.

  
Why is it there?

  
Go and get in the damn car!
It's waiting for you!

  
Hi.

  
Hi.

  
I saw the whole thing.
You totally pulled it off.

  
You did an amazing job.

  
I learned from the best.

  
Courtney freaked out.

  
You saw her face?

  
You know it wasn't meant to
be an attack on her, right?

  
I'm sorry that I ever messed
up your relationship

  
and I want you guys to be
really happy together.

  
And I'm sorry about Aggie.

  
Anna...
We broke up.

  
You did, huh?

  
Uh-huh.

  
You know?

  
I don't think
that we should date.

  
Yeah.

  
I know.

  
I have a lot to learn.

  
Don't worry.
I'll teach you.

  
I mean, I won't date you,

  
but I'll teach you.

  
Sure.

  
Just as friends.

  
Just as friends.

  
Friends with benefits?

  
Aw, fuck it.

  
We should go.

  
There happens to be a national
crisis in progress right now.

  
- They're coming.
- Let's go.