Breakfast At Tiffany's Script - The Dialogue

Ta da! The Breakfast At Tiffany's transcript is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Audrey Hepburn. The entire dialogue script, all the quotes, the whole shebang. I know, I know, I still need to get the character names in there...I'm workin' on it, trust me. If you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

Swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards for more free scripts!




================= BREAKFAST AT TIFFANYS =================

 [MOON RIVER PLAYS]

 

 [MOON RIVER PLAYS]

 

HEY!

 

HEY, BABY,

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

 

OH, HI.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

[MUTTERING

IN JAPANESE]

 

YIEE!

 

[BUZZING]

 

AAH!

 

[BUZZ]

 

MISS GORIGHTLY!

 

SOMEDAY...

 

SOMEDAY!

 

MISS GORIGHTLY!

 

YOU TAKE OFF

FOR THE POWDER ROOM.

 

THAT'S THE LAST

I SEE YOU.

 

NOW, REALLY, HARRY...

 

HARRY WAS THE OTHER GUY.

 

I'M SID. SID ARBUCK.

YOU LIKE ME, REMEMBER?

 

MISS GORIGHTLY!

 

I PROTEST!

 

DARLING, I AM SORRY,

BUT I LOST MY KEY.

 

THAT WAS TWO WEEKS AGO.

 

YOU CANNOT GO ON

KEEP RINGING MY BELL.

 

YOU DISTURB ME.

 

YOU MUST HAVE

A KEY MADE!

 

IT DOES NO GOOD.

I LOSE THEM ALL.

 

COME ON, BABY.

YOU LIKE ME.

 

I WORSHIP YOU,

MR. ARBUCK.

 

GOOD NIGHT, MR. ARBUCK.

 

WAIT! WHAT IS THIS?

 

YOU LIKE ME.

I'M A LIKED GUY.

 

YOU LIKE ME, BABY.

 

I PICKED UP THE CHECK

FOR FIVE PEOPLE--

 

YOUR FRIENDS.

 

WHEN YOU ASKED FOR CHANGE

FOR THE POWDER ROOM,

 

I GIVE YOU A $50 BILL.

 

THAT GIVES ME

SOME RIGHTS.

 

IN 30 SECONDS, I GOING

TO CALL THE POLICE!

 

ALL THE TIME,

A DISTURBANCE!

 

I GET NO SLEEP!

 

I GOT TO GET MY REST!

I'M AN ARTIST!

 

I GOING TO CALL

VICE SQUAD ON YOU!

 

DON'T BE ANGRY,

DEAR MAN.

 

I WON'T DO IT AGAIN.

 

DON'T BE ANGRY,

 

AND I MIGHT LET YOU

TAKE THOSE PICTURES.

 

WHEN?

 

SOMETIME.

 

ANYTIME.

 

GOOD NIGHT.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[MEOW]

 

[MEOW]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[MEOW]

 

[BUZZ]

 

MMM.

 

[BUZZ]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[BUZZ]

 

I'M SORRY

TO BOTHER YOU,

 

BUT I COULDN'T GET THE

DOWNSTAIRS DOOR OPEN.

 

I GUESS THEY SENT ME

THE UPSTAIRS KEY.

 

I COULDN'T GET THE

DOWNSTAIRS DOOR OPEN.

 

I SAID, I GUESS

THEY SENT ME THE...

 

UH, UPSTAIRS KEY.

 

I COULDN'T GET THE

DOWNSTAIRS DOOR OPEN.

 

SORRY TO WAKE YOU.

 

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

 

IT COULD HAPPEN

TO ANYONE.

 

QUITE FREQUENTLY DOES.

 

GOOD NIGHT.

 

I--I HATE TO, UH...

 

I HATE TO BOTHER YOU,

 

BUT IF I COULD ASK

ONE MORE FAVOR...

 

COULD I USE THE PHONE?

 

SURE.

 

WHY NOT?

 

THANK YOU.

 

WELL, THIS IS A...

 

NICE LITTLE PLACE

YOU'VE GOT HERE.

 

YOU JUST MOVED IN,

TOO, HUH?

 

NO. I'VE BEEN HERE

ABOUT A YEAR.

 

THE PHONE'S

OVER THERE.

 

WELL, IT WAS.

 

OH, I REMEMBER.

 

I STUCK IT

IN THE SUITCASE.

 

KIND OF MUFFLES

THE SOUND.

 

[CAT SCREECHES]

 

I'M...SORRY.

 

IS HE ALL RIGHT?

 

SURE. SURE, HE'S O.K.

 

AREN'T YOU, CAT?

 

POOR OLD CAT.

 

POOR SLOB.

 

POOR SLOB

WITHOUT A NAME.

 

I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT

TO GIVE HIM ONE.

 

WE DON'T BELONG

TO EACH OTHER.

 

WE JUST

TOOK UP ONE DAY.

 

I DON'T WANT

TO OWN ANYTHING

 

UNTIL I FIND A PLACE WHERE

ME AND THINGS GO TOGETHER.

 

I'M NOT SURE

WHERE THAT IS,

 

BUT I KNOW

WHAT IT'S LIKE.

 

IT'S LIKE TIFFANY'S.

 

TIFFANY'S? YOU MEAN

THE JEWELRY STORE?

 

THAT'S RIGHT.

 

I'M CRAZY

ABOUT TIFFANY'S.

 

LISTEN.

 

YOU KNOW THOSE DAYS

WHEN YOU GET THE MEAN REDS?

 

THE MEAN REDS?

 

YOU MEAN,

LIKE THE BLUES?

 

THE BLUES ARE BECAUSE

YOU'RE GETTING FAT

 

OR IT'S BEEN

RAINING TOO LONG.

 

YOU'RE JUST SAD,

THAT'S ALL.

 

THE MEAN REDS

ARE HORRIBLE.

 

SUDDENLY

YOU'RE AFRAID,

 

AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT

YOU'RE AFRAID OF.

 

DON'T YOU EVER

GET THAT FEELING?

 

SURE.

 

WHEN I GET IT,

WHAT DOES ANY GOOD

 

IS TO JUMP INTO A CAB

AND GO TO TIFFANY'S.

 

CALMS ME DOWN

RIGHT AWAY.

 

THE QUIETNESS,

THE PROUD LOOK.

 

NOTHING VERY BAD COULD

HAPPEN TO YOU THERE.

 

IF I COULD FIND

A REAL-LIFE PLACE

 

THAT MADE ME FEEL

LIKE TIFFANY'S, THEN...

 

THEN I'D BUY

SOME FURNITURE

 

AND GIVE THE CAT

A NAME.

 

I'M SORRY.

 

YOU WANTED SOMETHING.

 

OH, THE TELEPHONE.

 

I'M SUPPOSED

TO MEET SOMEBODY.

 

ISN'T THIS 10:00

THURSDAY MORNING?

 

I JUST GOT OFF

A PLANE FROM ROME,

 

AND I'M

NOT TOO SURE.

 

THURSDAY...

 

IS THIS THURSDAY?

 

I THINK SO.

 

THURSDAY!

IT CAN'T BE!

 

IT'S TOO GRUESOME!

 

WELL, UH...

 

WHAT'S SO GRUESOME

ABOUT THURSDAY?

 

NOTHING, EXCEPT

I NEVER REMEMBER

 

WHEN IT'S COMING UP,

 

WEDNESDAYS I GENERALLY

JUST DON'T GO TO BED

 

BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE UP

TO CATCH THE 10:45.

 

THEY'RE SO PARTICULAR

ABOUT VISITING HOURS.

 

BE A DARLING AND LOOK

UNDER THE BED

 

FOR A PAIR

OF ALLIGATOR SHOES.

 

I'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING

ABOUT THE WAY I LOOK.

 

A GIRL CAN'T GO TO SING SING

WITH A GREEN FACE.

 

SING SING?

 

I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS

A RIDICULOUS NAME FOR A PRISON.

 

SING SING, I MEAN.

 

SOUNDS MORE LIKE

AN OPERA HOUSE.

 

BLACK, ALLIGATOR.

 

ALL THE VISITORS

MAKE AN EFFORT

 

TO LOOK THEIR BEST.

 

ACTUALLY,

IT'S VERY TOUCHING,

 

ALL THE WOMEN WEARING

THEIR PRETTIEST THINGS.

 

I LOVE THEM FOR IT,

 

AND I LOVE THE KIDS.

 

IT SHOULD BE SAD

SEEING KIDS THERE,

 

BUT IT ISN'T.

 

THEY HAVE RIBBONS

IN THEIR HAIR

 

AND LOTS OF SHINE

ON THEIR SHOES.

 

AS I UNDERSTAND IT,

 

WE'RE GETTING YOU READY TO

VISIT SOMEBODY AT SING SING.

 

YOU COULD ALWAYS TELL

WHAT KIND OF A PERSON

 

A MAN THINKS YOU ARE

 

BY THE EARRINGS

HE GIVES YOU.

 

I MUST SAY,

THE MIND REELS.

 

MAY I ASK WHOM?

 

WHOM I'M GOING

TO VISIT?

 

I GUESS THAT'S

WHAT I MEAN.

 

I DON'T KNOW THAT

I SHOULD DISCUSS IT.

 

HE NEVER

TOLD ME NOT TO.

 

CROSS YOUR HEART

AND KISS YOUR ELBOW.

 

I'LL TRY.

 

YOU PROBABLY

READ ABOUT HIM.

 

SALLY TOMATO.

 

SALLY TOMATO?

 

DON'T LOOK SO SHOCKED.

 

THEY COULDN'T PROVE

HE WAS IN THE MAFIA,

 

MUCH LESS HEAD OF IT.

 

THEY ONLY PROVED

 

HE CHEATED AT

HIS INCOME TAX.

 

ANYWAY, HE'S

A DARLING OLD MAN.

 

HE WASN'T MY LOVER

OR ANYTHING.

 

I NEVER KNEW HIM UNTIL

AFTER HE WAS IN PRISON.

 

I'VE GONE TO SEE HIM

EVERY THURSDAY

 

FOR SEVEN MONTHS.

 

I'D GO EVEN IF

HE DIDN'T PAY ME.

 

SHOES.

 

I COULD

ONLY FIND ONE.

 

HE PAYS YOU?

 

HIS LAWYER DOES,

IF HE IS A LAWYER,

 

WHICH I DOUBT.

 

HE DOESN'T HAVE

AN OFFICE,

 

ONLY

AN ANSWERING SERVICE.

 

HE ALWAYS WANTS TO MEET

AT HAMBURGER HEAVEN.

 

THERE YOU ARE,

YOU SNEAK.

 

THANK YOU.

 

YOU'RE WELCOME.

 

DRESS. DRESS.

 

HERE WE ARE.

 

BAG.

 

AND A HAT, TOO.

 

THERE WE ARE.

 

ANYWAY, ABOUT

SEVEN MONTHS AGO,

 

THIS SO-CALLED LAWYER,

MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY,

 

ASKED ME HOW

I'D LIKE TO CHEER UP

 

A LONELY OLD MAN

 

AND PICK UP

A HUNDRED A WEEK.

 

I TOLD HIM,

"LOOK, DARLING,

 

YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG

HOLLY GOLIGHTLY."

 

I DO AS WELL ON TRIPS

TO THE POWDER ROOM.

 

ANY GENTLEMAN

WILL GIVE A GIRL $50

 

FOR THE POWDER ROOM.

 

AND CAB FARE--

THAT'S ANOTHER 50.

 

THEN HE SAID HIS CLIENT

WAS SALLY TOMATO.

 

SALLY

HAD SEEN ME SOMEWHERE

 

AND HAD ADMIRED ME

 A LA DISTANCE.

 

SO WOULDN'T

IT BE A GOOD DEED

 

TO VISIT HIM

ONCE A WEEK?

 

HOW COULD I SAY NO?

 

IT WAS WILDLY ROMANTIC.

 

HOW DO I LOOK?

 

VERY GOOD.

 

I MUST SAY I'M AMAZED.

 

I COULD NEVER HAVE

DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

 

BAG.

 

CALL ME ANYTIME.

 

I'M JUST UPSTAIRS,

 

OR I WILL BE AS SOON

AS I GET MOVED IN.

 

BYE, CAT.

 

UH...

 

UH, YOU MEAN

HE GIVES YOU $100

 

FOR AN HOUR'S

CONVERSATION?

 

MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY DOES

WHEN I MEET HIM

 

AND GIVE HIM

THE WEATHER REPORT.

 

IT'S NONE

OF MY BUSINESS,

 

BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU

COULD GET IN TROUBLE.

 

HOLD THIS FOR ME.

 

AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

WEATHER REPORT?

 

JUST A MESSAGE I GIVE

MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY

 

SO HE KNOWS I'VE REALLY

BEEN UP THERE.

 

SALLY TELLS ME THINGS

TO SAY LIKE, UH...

 

OH, THERE'S

A HURRICANE IN CUBA,

 

CLOUDY OVER PALERMO,

THINGS LIKE THAT.

 

YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.

 

I'VE TAKEN CARE

OF MYSELF A LONG TIME.

 

TAXI!

 

[WHISTLES]

 

I NEVER COULD

DO THAT.

 

IT'S EASY.

 

PAUL.

 

I'M LATE.

 

I KNOW IT.

 

WERE YOU LOCKED OUT?

 

DIDN'T YOU

GET THE KEY?

 

OH, DARLING.

 

I'M SO SORRY.

 

NO, I GOT THE KEY,

ALL RIGHT.

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY,

MY NEIGHBOR,

 

KINDLY LET ME IN.

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY'S

ON HER WAY TO SING SING.

 

JUST VISITING,

OF COURSE.

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY,

 

MRS. FALENSON,

MY...DECORATOR.

 

HOW DO YOU DO?

 

HOW DO YOU DO?

 

OOH, DARLING.

 

LET ME LOOK AT YOU.

 

ARE--ARE YOU THROUGH?

 

WAS THE FLIGHT

ABSOLUTELY GHASTLY?

 

GRAND CENTRAL STATION,

 

AND STEP ON IT,

DARLING.

 

IS IT REALLY

ONLY THREE WEEKS

 

SINCE I LEFT YOU

IN ROME?

 

SEEMS LIKE YEARS.

 

YOU SEEN

THE APARTMENT?

 

NOT YET.

 

IT WAS WICKED OF ME,

BUT I COULDN'T RESIST.

 

I FIXED IT UP

WITHOUT YOU.

 

I THINK IT'S DARLING,

 

BUT IF YOU

ABSOLUTELY HATE IT,

 

WE CAN RIP EVERYTHING OUT

AND START FROM SCRATCH.

 

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYS]

 

UHH!

 

MISS GORIGHTLY!

 

HEY, BABY!

WHERE YOU GOING?

 

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

 

COME ON, BABY.

OPEN THE DOOR.

 

AW, BE A PAL.

 

YOU'RE BREAKING UP

A BEAUTIFUL PARTY.

 

[POUNDING]

 

COME ON, BABY.

OPEN THE DOOR.

 

HEY, THE BAND'S

SWINGING.

 

AW, COME ON, BABY.

 

MISS GORIGHTLY!

 

ONCE AGAIN,

I MUST PROTEST!

 

IF YOU DON'T STOP

THAT PHONOGRAPH NOW,

 

I'M GOING TO CALL

THE POLICE DEPARTMENT.

 

[PHONOGRAPH NEEDLE

SCRATCHES]

 

YEAH.

THAT MORE BETTER.

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

BABY?

 

[POUNDING]

 

AW, COME ON.

 

YOU'RE A GREAT KID.

OPEN THE DOOR.

 

COME ON, BABY.

 

I'M WAITING

FOR YOU.

 

[CLATTERING]

 

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S ONLY ME.

 

UH, WAIT A MINUTE.

MISS, UH...

 

GOLIGHTLY.

HOLLY GOLIGHTLY.

 

I LIVE DOWNSTAIRS.

 

WE MET THIS MORNING.

REMEMBER?

 

YEAH.

 

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

SHE'S GONE.

 

SHE WORKS LATE HOURS

FOR A DECORATOR.

 

THERE'S THE MOST

TERRIFYING MAN DOWNSTAIRS.

 

HE'S SWEET WHEN

HE ISN'T DRUNK,

 

 BUT LET HIM START

LAPPING UP THE VINO,

 

 AND, OH, GOLLY,

 QUEL BEAST.

 

IT GOT SO TIRESOME,

I WENT OUT THE WINDOW.

 

[GLASS SHATTERING]

 

YOU CAN THROW ME OUT

IF YOU WANT,

 

BUT YOU LOOKED

SO COZY IN HERE,

 

AND YOUR DECORATOR FRIEND

HAD GONE HOME,

 

AND IT WAS GETTING COLD

ON THE FIRE ESCAPE.

 

AND I ALWAYS HEARD

PEOPLE IN NEW YORK

 

NEVER GET TO KNOW

THEIR NEIGHBORS.

 

WELL...

 

HOW WAS SING SING?

 

FINE.

 

I MADE THE TRAIN

AND EVERYTHING.

 

AND WHAT'S

THE WEATHER REPORT?

 

SMALL-CRAFT WARNINGS,

 

BLOCK ISLAND TO HATTERAS--

 

WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

 

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE SWEET.

 

YOU REALLY ARE.

 

AND YOU LOOK A LITTLE

LIKE MY BROTHER FRED.

 

DO YOU MIND

IF I CALL YOU FRED?

 

NOT AT ALL.

 

300. SHE'S VERY GENEROUS.

 

IS THAT BY THE WEEK,

THE HOUR, OR WHAT?

 

THE PARTY'S OVER.

OUT.

 

OH, FRED.

 

DARLING FRED,

I'M SORRY.

 

I DIDN'T MEAN

TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.

 

DON'T BE ANGRY.

 

I WAS JUST LETTING

YOU KNOW I UNDERSTAND.

 

I UNDERSTAND

COMPLETELY.

 

STICK AROUND.

MAKE YOURSELF A DRINK.

 

OR THROW ME MY ROBE.

I'LL MAKE YOU ONE.

 

STAY WHERE YOU ARE.

 

YOU MUST BE

ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED.

 

I MEAN, IT'S LATE,

 

AND YOU WERE SOUND ASLEEP

AND EVERYTHING.

 

I SUPPOSE YOU THINK

I'M VERY BRAZEN

 

OR TReS FOU

 OR SOMETHING.

 

YOU'RE NO FOUER

 THAN ANYBODY ELSE.

 

YES, YOU DO.

EVERYBODY DOES.

 

AND I DON'T MIND.

 

IT'S USEFUL

BEING TOP BANANA

 

IN THE SHOCK

DEPARTMENT.

 

WHAT DO YOU DO,

ANYWAY?

 

I'M A WRITER,

I GUESS.

 

YOU GUESS?

DON'T YOU KNOW?

 

O.K.,

POSITIVE STATEMENT.

 

RINGING AFFIRMATIVE.

 

I'M A WRITER.

 

THE ONLY WRITER

I'VE EVER BEEN OUT WITH

 

IS BENNY SHACKLETT.

 

HE'S WRITTEN AN AWFUL LOT

OF TELEVISION STUFF,

 

BUT QUEL RAT.

 

TELL ME, ARE YOU

A REAL WRITER?

 

I MEAN, DOES ANYBODY

BUY WHAT YOU WRITE

 

OR PUBLISH IT

OR ANYTHING?

 

THEY BOUGHT

WHAT'S IN THAT BOX.

 

YOURS?

 

MM-HMM.

 

ALL THESE BOOKS?

 

THERE'S JUST

THE ONE BOOK,

 

12 COPIES OF IT.

 

 "NINE LIVES,

 BY PAUL VARJAK."

 

THEY'RE STORIES.

 

MM-HMM.

NINE OF THEM.

 

TELL ME ONE.

 

THEY'RE NOT

THE KIND OF STORIES

 

YOU CAN REALLY TELL.

 

TOO DIRTY?

 

YEAH, I...SUPPOSE

THEY'RE DIRTY, TOO,

 

BUT ONLY INCIDENTALLY.

 

MAINLY THEY'RE ANGRY,

SENSITIVE...

 

INTENSELY FELT,

 

AND THAT DIRTIEST

OF ALL DIRTY WORDS--

 

PROMISING.

 

SO SAID THE TIMES

BOOK REVIEW,

 

OCTOBER 1, 1956.

 

1956?

 

THAT'S RIGHT.

 

THIS IS KIND OF

A RATTY QUESTION,

 

BUT WHAT HAVE

YOU WRITTEN LATELY?

 

LATELY, I'VE BEEN

WORKING ON A NOVEL.

 

LATELY, SINCE 1956?

 

A NOVEL TAKES

A LONG TIME.

 

I WANT IT

EXACTLY RIGHT.

 

SO, NO MORE STORIES.

 

WELL, THE IDEA IS

 

I'M SUPPOSED TO NOT

FRITTER MY TALENT

 

ON LITTLE THINGS.

 

I'M SUPPOSED

TO BE SAVING IT

 

FOR THE BIG ONE.

 

DO YOU WRITE EVERY DAY?

 

SURE.

 

TODAY?

 

SURE.

 

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL

TYPEWRITER.

 

OF COURSE.

 

IT WRITES NOTHING

BUT SENSITIVE,

 

INTENSELY FELT,

PROMISING PROSE.

 

THERE'S NO RIBBON IN IT.

 

THERE ISN'T?

 

NO.

 

OH.

 

SOMETHING YOU SAID

THIS MORNING

 

HAS BEEN BOTHERING

ME ALL DAY.

 

WHAT'S THAT?

 

DO THEY REALLY

GIVE YOU $50

 

WHENEVER YOU GO

TO THE POWDER ROOM?

 

OF COURSE.

 

YOU MUST DO

VERY WELL.

 

I'M TRYING TO SAVE,

 

BUT I'M NOT

VERY GOOD AT IT.

 

YOU KNOW, YOU DO

LOOK A LOT LIKE

 

MY BROTHER FRED.

 

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM

SINCE I WAS 14.

 

THAT'S WHEN I LEFT HOME.

 

HE WAS ALREADY 6'2".

 

IT MUST HAVE BEEN

THE PEANUT BUTTER

 

THAT DID IT.

 

EVERYBODY THOUGHT

HE WAS DOTTY

 

THE WAY HE GORGED HIMSELF

ON PEANUT BUTTER,

 

BUT HE WASN'T DOTTY,

 

JUST SWEET AND VAGUE

AND...TERRIBLY SLOW.

 

POOR FRED.

HE'S IN THE ARMY NOW.

 

THAT'S REALLY

THE BEST PLACE FOR HIM

 

UNTIL I CAN GET

ENOUGH MONEY SAVED.

 

AND THEN?

 

AND THEN FRED AND I...

 

I WENT TO MEXICO ONCE.

 

IT'S A WONDERFUL PLACE

FOR RAISING HORSES.

 

I SAW ONE PLACE

NEAR THE SEA THAT...

 

FRED'S VERY GOOD

WITH HORSES.

 

EVEN LAND IN MEXICO

COSTS SOMETHING.

 

NO MATTER WHAT I DO,

 

THERE'S NEVER MORE THAN

A COUPLE HUNDRED DOLLARS

 

IN THE BANK.

 

[CLOCK CHIMES]

 

IT CAN'T BE 4:30.

 

IT JUST CAN'T.

 

DO YOU MIND IF I JUST

GET IN WITH YOU

 

FOR A MINUTE?

 

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

REALLY, IT IS.

 

WE'RE FRIENDS.

THAT'S ALL.

 

WE ARE FRIENDS,

AREN'T WE?

 

SURE.

 

O.K., LET'S DON'T

SAY ANOTHER WORD.

 

LET'S JUST

GO TO SLEEP.

 

WHERE ARE YOU, FRED?

 

IT'S COLD.

 

THERE--THERE'S SNOW

IN THE WIND.

 

WHAT IS IT?

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

 

WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

 

IF WE'RE GOING

TO BE FRIENDS,

 

LET'S JUST GET ONE THING

STRAIGHT RIGHT NOW.

 

I HATE SNOOPS.  

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

 

[RING]

 

[RING]

 

YEAH.

 

LUCILLE, DARLING?

 

TOOLEY.

 

HUH?

 

I'VE BEEN TRYING

DESPERATELY TO REACH YOU.

 

BILL JUST GOT BACK--

 

A DAY EARLY,

THE BEAST--

 

SO I'M AFRAID

I'LL HAVE TO BEG OFF.

 

YOU'LL EXPLAIN TO

THE REST OF THE GIRLS?

 

YOU'RE A DARLING.

 

MAYBE WE CAN HAVE

A LONG LUNCH TOMORROW.

 

I'LL PHONE YOU

IN THE MORNING.

 

MM-HMM.

 

WHATEVER YOU SAY.

 

YOU'LL MANAGE TO SURVIVE

WITHOUT ME TONIGHT?

 

SURE.

 

I MIGHT EVEN TAKE

A WILD BOYISH FLING

 

AT WRITING.

 

GOOD NIGHT.

 

GOOD NIGHT.

 

[CHA-CHA MUSIC PLAYS]

 

GOT YOURSELF STUFFED,

HUH, POLLY, BABY?

 

SERVES YOU RIGHT,

BIGMOUTH.

 

BUON GIORNO.

 

HUH?

 

AREN'T YOU DRINKING?

 

MM-HMM.

 

YOU HAVE POCKETS

THERE OR SOMETHING?

 

WHAT DO YOU GO BY?

 

HMM?

 

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

 

WHAT DO YOU

CALL YOURSELF?

 

IRVING.

 

OH, YEAH.

 

PERFECT, PERFECT.

THAT'S WONDERFUL.

 

PERFECT.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK,

IRVING, BABY.

 

MM-HMM.

 

[BUZZ]

 

KID'S STILL

IN THE SHOWER.

 

YOU EXPECTED?

 

I WAS INVITED.

THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?

 

DON'T GET

ALL TENSE AND SOFT.

 

COME IN.

 

IT'S A PARTY.

 

LOT OF CHARACTERS COME

WHO AREN'T EXPECTED.

 

I'LL BUY YOU A DRINK.

YOU DRINK?

 

YEAH.

 

THEN I'LL BUY YOU

A DRINK.

 

HEY, HONEY, YOUR

SKIRT'S SPLIT THERE.

 

WHAT DO YOU DRINK?

 

BOURBON.

 

BOURBON.

ON THE ROCKS?

 

YEAH--NO.

WITH WATER.

 

YOU WANT ROCKS FIRST?

 

UH, YEAH.

 

NOT TOO MUCH.

 

ALL RIGHT.

 

THAT'LL

SET YOU FREE.

 

KNOW THE KID LONG?

 

NOT VERY.

I LIVE UPSTAIRS.

 

LOOK AT THIS PLACE.

WHAT A PLACE.

 

IT'S UNBELIEVABLE.

WHAT A DUMP.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

 

ABOUT WHAT?

 

IS SHE OR ISN'T SHE?

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

WAIT A MINUTE.

HOLD IT.

 

HARRIET!

 

HI, J.B.

 

"J.B."? WHAT'S THAT?

 

YOU KNOW GIL.

 

YEAH. HOW ARE YOU?

 

HOW ABOUT A DRINK?

 

IN THE KITCHEN.

 

THANKS.

 

YEAH.

 

SO--

 

OH, HONEY,

THAT IS YOU.

 

FRED, DARLING,

 

I'M SO GLAD

YOU COULD COME.

 

I BROUGHT YOU

A HOUSE PRESENT.

 

SOMETHING FOR

THE BOOKCASE.

 

OH, YOU'RE SWEET.

 

DOESN'T THAT

LOOK NICE?

 

GIVE ME

A CIGARETTE, O.J.

 

O.J.'S A GREAT AGENT.

 

HE KNOWS A LOT

OF PHONE NUMBERS.

 

WHAT'S JERRY WALD'S

PHONE NUMBER?

 

COME ON, LAY OFF.

 

CALL HIM AND TELL HIM

FRED'S A GENIUS.

 

STOP BLUSHING, FRED.

 

YOU DIDN'T SAY IT.

I DID.

 

QUIT STALLING.

 

HOW ARE YOU

GOING TO MAKE FRED

 

RICH AND FAMOUS?

 

LET FRED AND ME

SETTLE THAT, HUH, PUPPY?

 

O.K., BUT REMEMBER,

I'M THE AGENT.

 

HE'S ALREADY

GOT A DECORATOR.

 

I'M THE AGENT.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

HOLD IT.

 

HI, BOYS.

COME ON IN.

 

EVERYTHING YOU NEED'S

IN THE KITCHEN.

 

SO LISTEN,

FRED, BABY,

 

WHAT ARE--

 

NO, IT'S PAUL, BABY.

 

IT IS?

 

I THOUGHT IT WAS

FRED, BABY.

 

ANSWER THE QUESTION.

IS SHE OR ISN'T SHE?

 

WHAT?

 

A PHONY.

 

I DON'T KNOW.

 

I DON'T THINK SO.

 

YOU DON'T, HUH?

WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

 

SHE IS.

 

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,

YOU'RE RIGHT,

 

BECAUSE SHE'S

A REAL PHONY.

 

SHE HONESTLY BELIEVES

ALL THIS PHONY JUNK.

 

NOW, I SINCERELY

LIKE THE KID. I DO.

 

I'M SENSITIVE,

THAT'S WHY.

 

YOU GOT TO BE SENSITIVE

TO LIKE THE KID.

 

IT'S A STREAK

OF THE POET.

 

YOU KNOWN HER LONG?

 

I DISCOVERED HER.

I'M O.J. BERMAN.

 

SHE WAS JUST A KID--

LOT OF STYLE AND CLASS...

 

LOT OF WHAT?

 

CLASS.

 

BUT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT

SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT--

 

WHETHER SHE WAS

A HILLBILLY OR AN OKIE.

 

KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME

TO SMOOTH THAT ACCENT?

 

ONE YEAR.

 

KNOW HOW?

 

WE GAVE HER

FRENCH LESSONS.

 

FIGURED ONCE SHE COULD

IMITATE FRENCH,

 

SHE COULD IMITATE

ENGLISH.

 

FINALLY, I ARRANGED

FOR A LITTLE SCREEN TEST.

 

THE NIGHT BEFORE,

THE PHONE RINGS.

 

I SAID, "O.J. SPEAKING."

 

SHE SAYS,

"THIS IS HOLLY."

 

I SAYS, "YOU SOUND

SO FAR AWAY."

 

SHE SAYS,

"I'M IN NEW YORK."

 

I SAID, "GET YOURSELF

BACK HERE."

 

SHE SAYS,

"I DON'T WANT TO."

 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

 

SHE SAYS,

"WHEN I FIND OUT,

 

I'LL LET YOU KNOW."

 

SO, LOOK,

FRED, BABY--

 

IT'S PAUL, BABY.

 

SURE. DON'T TELL ME

SHE ISN'T A PHONY.

 

IRVING.

 

HONEY, IRVING,

WHERE YOU BEEN?

 

[MEOW]

 

MMM, THANKS.

 

MIKE, DARLING,

 

I TRIED REACHING YOU

ALL DAY LONG.

 

YOUR ANSWERING SERVICE

DOESN'T ANSWER.

 

THAT'S THE TROUBLE

WITH ANSWERING SERVICES.

 

WELL,

I GUESS THAT'S...

 

AND AFTER ALL

THAT SHE SAID...

 

HOLLY!

 

OHH!

 

TIME, DARLING.

 

WHAT?

 

TIME?

 

YOU HAVE A WATCH?

 

NO.

 

OH, LET ME SEE.

6:45.

 

THANK YOU.

 

AAH!

 

REALLY, WAS THAT

NECESSARY?

 

THIS IS SOME PARTY.

 

WHO ARE ALL THESE

PEOPLE, ANYHOW?

 

WHO KNOWS?

THE WORD GETS OUT.

 

YOU DON'T MIND,

DO YOU, DARLING?

 

MMM.

REINFORCEMENTS.

 

RIGHT IN THERE.

 

HOLLY?

 

HOLLY, D-DARLING!

 

WHAT'S THAT?

 

MAG WILDWOOD.

 

SHE'S A MODEL,

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

 

AND A THUMPING BORE.

 

BUT JUST LOOK

AT THE GOODIES

 

SHE BROUGHT

WITH HER.

 

HE'S ALL RIGHT,

 

IF YOU LIKE

DARK, HANDSOME,

 

RICH-LOOKING MEN

 

WITH PASSIONATE NATURES

AND TOO MANY TEETH.

 

I MEAN THE OTHER ONE.

 

THE OTHER ONE?

 

HE'S RUSTY TRAWLER.

 

HUH?

 

RUSTY TRAWLER.

HE HAPPENS TO BE

 

THE NINTH RICHEST

MAN IN AMERICA

 

UNDER 50.

 

NOW, THAT, INDEED,

 

IS A REMARKABLE

PIECE OF INFORMATION

 

TO HAVE

AT YOUR FINGERTIPS.

 

I KEEP TRACK

OF THESE THINGS.

 

EXCUSE ME.

YOU OWE ME 47--

 

HOLD THIS A MINUTE,

DARLING.

 

MAG, DARLING,

 

WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE?

 

I WAS UPSTAIRS

WORKING WITH YUNIOSHI--

 

 EASTER STUFF

FOR THE B-BAZAAR.

 

THEN THESE TWO

NICE BOYS

 

CAME TO PICK ME UP.

 

IT WAS A MISTAKE,

OF COURSE.

 

MY WIRES GOT CROSSED

SOMEWHERE.

 

THEY WERE BOTH

VERY SWEET ABOUT IT.

 

MAY I PRESENT

JOSE SILVA PEREIRA?

 

HE'S FROM BRAZIL.

 

MISS G-GOLIGHTLY.

 

VERY KIND OF YOU,

MISS GOLIGHTLY,

 

TO ALLOW ME

TO ATTEND YOUR PARTY.

 

I'M SO INTERESTED

IN NORTH AMERICAN CULTURE.

 

I'VE BEEN ALREADY

TO THE STATUE OF LIBERTY

 

AND TO THE RESTAURANT

AUTOMATIQUE.

 

BUT THIS IS

THE FIRST TIME

 

I AM IN A TYPICAL

NORTH AMERICAN HOME.

 

WOULDN'T HE JUST

M-MELT IN YOUR MOUTH?

 

AND THIS IS

MR. RUSTY TRAWLER.

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY.

 

YOU'RE NOT VEXED AT ME

FOR BRINGING HIM?

 

OF COURSE NOT,

DARLING.

 

I'M GLAD.

 

NOW, WHO'S GOING TO

BRING ME A BOURBON?

 

O.J.

 

YEAH.

 

WOULD YOU GET

MISS WILDWOOD A DRINK?

 

WHICH ONE'S

MISS WILDWOOD?

 

MR. BERMAN,

 

WE HAVEN'T BEEN

FORMALLY INTRODUCED.

 

BUT I'M MAG WILDWOOD

FROM WILDWOOD, ARKANSAS.

 

THAT'S...HILL COUNTRY.

 

NOW, YOU JUST

MAKE YOURSELF

 

RIGHT AT HOME.

 

OH, DON'T

TROUBLE YOURSELF.

 

I'M CONTENTED

TO OBSERVE THE CUSTOMS

 

OF YOUR COUNTRY.

 

O.K., YOU DO THAT.

 

NOW COME ALONG,

MR. TRAWLER.

 

LET'S SEE WHAT WE

CAN FIND TO AMUSE YOU.

 

[WAILING]

 

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

 

[RING]

 

I WASN'T SUPPOSED

TO PICK YOU UP.

 

YOU SAID YOU WOULD.

 

I WASN'T SUPPOSED

TO PICK YOU UP.

 

[RING]

 

YES?

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY?

 

THIS TIME

I'M A-WARNING YOU!

 

I AM DEFINITELY

THIS TIME

 

GOING TO CALLING

THE POLICE!

 

WOW!

 

GOOD EVENING.

HA HA.

 

IS IT SOMETHING

IMPORTANT?

 

NO. JUST THE GUY UPSTAIRS

 

COMPLAINING

ABOUT THE NOISE.

 

HE'S ANGRY.

 

HE DID MENTION

SOMETHING ABOUT

 

CALLING THE POLICE.

 

OH, THE POLICE.

 

THE POLICE?

 

THAT I CANNOT HAVE.

 

I'D BETTER LOOK

FOR MISS WILDWOOD

 

AND GO.

 

AAH!

 

TO THINK I'D FIND

A BEAU OF MINE

 

MOUSING AFTER A PIECE

OF CHEAP HOLLYWOOD TRASH.

 

MAG, DARLING,

YOU'RE BEING A BORE.

 

SHUT UP!

 

YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING

TO HAPPEN TO YOU?

 

I'M GOING TO MARCH YOU

OVER TO THE ZOO

 

AND FEED YOU

TO THE YAK...

 

JUST AS SOON AS

I FINISH THIS DRINK.

 

TIMBER!

 

[CRASH]

 

[SIREN]

 

AAH!

 

SORRY.

 

OH.

 

OH, GOOD EVENING, ED.

 

IT'S PAUL, BABY.

 

YOU REMEMBER IRVING,

DON'T YOU?

 

THIS IS JOSE.

 

NICE TO MEET YOU.

 

UH...

 

WONDERFUL SEEING YOU.

 

JEWEL THIEVES.

 

[WHISTLES BLOWING]

 

SALLY HELPS ME

WITH MY ACCOUNTS.

 

I HAVE NO HEAD

FOR FIGURES AT ALL.

 

I'M TRYING DESPERATELY

TO SAVE SOME MONEY.

 

I JUST CAN'T

SEEM TO.

 

HE MAKES ME WRITE DOWN

EVERYTHING IN THERE.

 

WHAT I GET,

WHAT I SPEND.

 

I USED TO HAVE

A CHECKING ACCOUNT.

 

HE MADE ME

GET RID OF THAT.

 

HE FEELS, FOR ME,

IT'S BETTER TO OPERATE

 

ON A CASH BASIS,

TAXWISE.

 

SOMEDAY, MR. FRED,

YOU TAKE THIS BOOK,

 

TURN IT INTO A NOVEL.

 

EVERYTHING IS THERE.

 

JUST FILL IN

THE DETAILS.

 

WOULD BE GOOD

FOR SOME LAUGHS.

 

NO. NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

 

THIS IS A BOOK

WOULD BREAK THE HEART.

 

"MR. FITZSIMMONS--

POWDER ROOM, $50.

 

"LESS $18--REPAIR

ONE BLACK SATIN DRESS.

 

CAT FOOD, 27 CENTS."

 

SALLY, DARLING,

PLEASE STOP.

 

YOU'RE MAKING ME BLUSH.

 

BUT YOU'RE RIGHT

ABOUT JACK FITZSIMMONS.

 

HE'S AN ABSOLUTE RAT.

 

BUT I GUESS,

OF COURSE,

 

I DON'T KNOW ANYBODY

BUT RATS.

 

EXCEPT, OF COURSE,

FRED HERE.

 

YOU DO THINK FRED

IS NICE, DON'T YOU?

 

FOR YOU...

 

I HOPE HE IS.

 

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

 

GIVE ME

A KISS GOODBYE.

 

GOODBYE, UNCLE SALLY.

 

TILL NEXT WEEK.

 

GOODBYE,

UNCLE SALLY.

 

GOODBYE AND DON'T FORGET

TO SEND THAT BOOK.

 

I WON'T.

 

OH, WHAT ABOUT

THE WEATHER REPORT?

 

OH, YES.

 

SNOW FLURRIES

EXPECTED THIS WEEKEND

 

IN NEW ORLEANS.

 

SNOW FLURRIES

EXPECTED THIS WEEKEND

 

IN NEW ORLEANS?

 

ISN'T THAT

JUST THE WEIRDEST?

 

I BET THEY HAVEN'T HAD

SNOW IN NEW ORLEANS

 

FOR A MILLION YEARS.

 

I DON'T KNOW HOW

HE THINKS THEM UP.

 

[TYPING]

 

[GUITAR PLAYS]

 

" MOON RIVER "

 

" WIDER THAN A MILE "

 

" I'M CROSSIN' YOU

IN STYLE "

 

" SOMEDAY "

 

" OH, DREAM MAKER "

 

" YOU HEARTBREAKER "

 

" WHEREVER YOU'RE GOIN' "

 

" I'M GOIN' YOUR WAY "

 

" TWO DRIFTERS "

 

" OFF TO SEE THE WORLD "

 

" THERE'S SUCH

A LOT OF WORLD "

 

" TO SEE "

 

" WE'RE AFTER "

 

" THE SAME "

 

" RAINBOW'S END "

 

" WAITIN' 'ROUND THE BEND "

 

" MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND "

 

" MOON RIVER "

 

" AND ME ""

 

HI.

 

HI.

 

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

 

WRITING.

 

GOOD.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

[BUZZ]

 

WELL, HELLO.

 

WHAT'S WRONG?

 

I DON'T KNOW.

 

IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.

 

I WANT TO SEE

IF HE'S STILL THERE.

 

SEE IF WHO'S

STILL THERE?

 

WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

 

LOOK.

 

SEE? I NOTICED HIM

YESTERDAY AFTERNOON.

 

I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.

 

I DIDN'T WANT TO

SOUND NEUROTIC, BUT...

 

WHEN HE'S THERE

AGAIN TODAY...

 

WHO DO YOU THINK

HE IS?

 

IT COULD BE ANYBODY,

OF COURSE,

 

BUT WHAT CROSSED

MY MIND WAS...

 

SUPPOSE BILL'S

HAVING US WATCHED, HUH?

 

O.K. I'LL TAKE CARE

OF THIS.

 

NO. NO, DON'T.

PLEASE.

 

IF THAT'S

WHAT IT IS,

 

YOU'LL ONLY MAKE

EVERYTHING WORSE.

 

I'LL BE CAREFUL.

YOU WAIT HERE.

 

DARLING, PLEASE DON'T.

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD.

 

NOW, TAKE IT EASY.

 

I JUST WANT

TO FIND OUT

 

WHAT THIS IS

ALL ABOUT.

 

ALL RIGHT,

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

 

SON, I NEED A FRIEND.

 

THAT'S ME,

 

THAT'S HER,

 

THAT'S HER

BROTHER FRED.

 

YOU'RE HOLLY'S FATHER?

 

HER NAME AIN'T HOLLY.

 

SHE WAS

LULA MAE BARNES.

 

WAS TILL

SHE MARRIED ME.

 

I'M HER HUSBAND

DOC GOLIGHTLY.

 

PAUL VARJAK.

 

I'M A HORSE DOCTOR.

 

ANIMAL MAN.

 

DO SOME

FARMING, TOO,

 

NEAR TULIP, TEXAS.

 

HER BROTHER FRED'S

GETTING OUT OF

THE ARMY SOON.

 

LULA MAE

BELONGS HOME

 

WITH HER HUSBAND,

HER BROTHER,

 

AND HER CHILDREN.

 

CHILDREN?

 

THEM'S HER CHILDREN.

 

SHE'S GOT FOUR CHILDREN?

 

NOW, SON,

I DIDN'T CLAIM

 

THEY WAS HER

NATURAL-BORN CHILDREN.

 

THEIR OWN

PRECIOUS MOTHER--

 

PRECIOUS WOMAN--

 

PASSED AWAY JULY 4th,

INDEPENDENCE DAY, 1955,

 

THE YEAR OF THE DROUGHT.

 

WHEN I MARRIED LULA MAE,

SHE WAS GOING ON 14.

 

YOU MIGHT THINK

THE AVERAGE PERSON

 

GOING ON 14

 

WOULDN'T KNOW

HER OWN MIND.

 

BUT YOU TAKE LULA MAE,

 

SHE WAS

AN EXCEPTIONAL PERSON.

 

SHE JUST PLUMB

BROKE OUR HEARTS

 

WHEN SHE RUN OFF

LIKE SHE DONE.

 

JUST PLAIN

HAD NO REASON.

 

ALL THE HOUSEWORK

 

WAS DONE BY

OUR DAUGHTERS.

 

LULA MAE COULD JUST

TAKE IT EASY.

 

THAT WOMAN

GOT POSITIVELY FAT,

 

WHILE HER BROTHER,

 

HE GROWED UP

INTO A GIANT,

 

WHICH IS

A SIGHT DIFFERENT

 

FROM THE WAY

THEY COME TO US.

 

A COUPLE OF WILD

YOUNG'UNS THEY WAS.

 

I CAUGHT 'EM

STEALING MILK

 

AND TURKEY EGGS.

 

THEY'D BEEN LIVING

WITH SOME MEAN,

 

NO-ACCOUNT PEOPLE

 

ABOUT 100 MILE

EAST OF TULIP.

 

SHE HAD GOOD CAUSE

TO RUN OFF

 

FROM THAT HOUSE.

 

NEVER HAD NONE

TO LEAVE MINE.

 

WHAT ABOUT HER BROTHER?

DIDN'T HE LEAVE, TOO?

 

NO. WE HAD FRED

WITH US

 

TILL THE ARMY

TOOK HIM.

 

THAT'S WHY I COME.

 

I HAD A LETTER

FROM HIM.

 

HE'S GETTING OUT

IN FEBRUARY.

 

THAT'S WHY

I COME TO GET HER.

 

LULA MAE'S PLACE IS

WITH HER HUSBAND,

 

HER CHILDREN,

AND HER BROTHER.

 

HUH?

 

THE PRIZE FROM

THE CRACKER JACK.

 

WANT IT?

 

UH-UH.

 

NEVER COULD UNDERSTAND

WHY THAT WOMAN RUN OFF.

 

DON'T TELL ME

SHE WEREN'T HAPPY.

 

TALKY AS A JAYBIRD

SHE WAS,

 

WITH SOMETHING SMART

TO SAY ON EVERY SUBJECT.

 

BETTER THAN THE RADIO.

 

THE NIGHT I PROPOSED,

I CRIED LIKE A BABY.

 

SHE SAID,

"WHY ARE YOU CRYING?

 

"OF COURSE

WE'LL BE MARRIED.

 

I NEVER BEEN

MARRIED BEFORE."

 

I LAUGHED AND HUGGED

AND SQUEEZED HER.

 

"NEVER BEEN

MARRIED BEFORE."

 

LISTEN, SON,

 

I ADVISE YOU,

I NEED A FRIEND,

 

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT

TO SURPRISE HER

 

OR SCARE HER NONE.

 

BE MY FRIEND.

LET HER KNOW I'M HERE.

 

WILL YOU DO THAT

FOR ME, SON?

 

YEAH, SURE, DOC,

 

IF THAT'S

WHAT YOU WANT.

 

COME ON.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

[BUZZ]

 

ALL RIGHT.

 

COMING.

 

[BUZZ]

 

OH, DARLING,

I'M ON MY WAY OUT.

 

I'M HALF AN HOUR LATE.

 

MAYBE WE CAN HAVE

A DRINK TOMORROW.

 

SURE,

LULA MAE...

 

IF YOU'RE STILL

HERE TOMORROW.

 

OH, PLEASE,

WHERE IS HE?

 

FRED?

 

FRED?

 

GOSH.

 

LULA MAE.

 

GEE, HONEY,

 

DON'T THEY

FEED YOU UP HERE?

 

YOU'RE SO SKINNY.

 

HI, DOC.

 

GOSH, LULA MAE...

 

KINGDOM COME.

 

[KNOCK ON WINDOW]

 

[KNOCKING]

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU ALL RIGHT?

 

I GUESS SO.

 

NO, I'M NOT.

 

WILL YOU HELP ME?

 

IF I CAN.

 

COME TO THE BUS STATION

WITH DOC AND ME.

 

HE STILL THINKS

I'M GOING BACK.

 

I CAN'T PLAY

THE SCENE ALONE.

 

WHAT CAN I DO?

HE'S YOUR HUSBAND.

 

NO, HE'S NOT.

 

HE'S NOT?

 

IT WAS ANNULLED AGES AGO.

HE JUST WON'T ACCEPT IT.

 

PLEASE, FRED,

 

I'LL SAY YOU'RE

SEEING US OFF.

 

DON'T SAY ANYTHING.

 

JUST MEET US OUT FRONT

IN ABOUT AN HOUR. PLEASE?

 

YOU WAIT

RIGHT HERE, HONEY.

 

I'LL GET THE BAG.

 

WHY DON'T I GET

SOME MAGAZINES?

 

PLEASE, FRED,

DON'T LEAVE ME.

 

ATTENTION, PLEASE.

 

LEAVING FROM PLATFORM FIVE,

THROUGH COACH TO DALLAS--

 

PHILADELPHIA, COLUMBUS,

INDIANAPOLIS, TERRE HAUTE,

 

ST. LOUIS, TULSA,

OKLAHOMA CITY, DENISON, DALLAS.

 

COME ON, LULA MAE.

THAT'S US.

 

DOC, I'M NOT

COMING WITH YOU.

 

COME ON.

LET'S WALK QUIETLY.

 

I'LL TRY AND HELP YOU

UNDERSTAND.

 

HELP ME OUT, FRED.

 

I APPRECIATE

YOU WANT TO HELP,

 

BUT IT'S BETWEEN

LULA MAE AND ME.

 

SURE, DOC.

 

I LOVE YOU, LULA MAE.

 

I KNOW,

AND THAT'S THE TROUBLE.

 

IT'S A MISTAKE

YOU ALWAYS MADE--

 

TRYING TO LOVE

A WILD THING.

 

YOU WERE ALWAYS

LUGGING HOME

 

WILD THINGS--

 

A HAWK WITH A BROKEN WING,

 

A FULL-GROWN WILDCAT

WITH A BROKEN LEG...

 

REMEMBER?

 

THERE'S SOMETHING--

 

YOU MUSTN'T

GIVE YOUR HEART

 

TO A WILD THING.

 

THE MORE YOU DO,

THE STRONGER THEY GET

 

UNTIL THEY'RE STRONG ENOUGH

TO FLY INTO A TREE,

 

THEN TO HIGHER TREES,

THEN TO THE SKY.

 

THERE'S SOMETHING

I GOT TO TELL YOU.

 

EXCUSE ME.

 

COUPLE WEEKS AGO,

 

I GOT A LETTER

FROM FRED.

 

FROM FRED?

 

HE'S ALL RIGHT,

ISN'T HE?

 

YEAH, HE'S FINE,

I GUESS.

 

HE'S GETTING OUT

OF THE ARMY

 

IN FEBRUARY.

 

IN FEBRUARY?

 

WELL, THAT'S

ONLY FOUR MONTHS.

 

SO, SEE, YOU

GOT TO COME BACK.

 

YOUR PLACE

IS WITH US.

 

DOC, YOU'VE

GOT TO UNDERSTAND.

 

I CAN'T COME BACK.

 

YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND

WHAT I'M SAYING.

 

I DON'T WANT

TO PRESSURE YOU,

 

BUT IT GOT TO.

 

IF YOU DON'T COME,

 

I'LL HAVE TO TELL

YOUNG FRED

 

HE BETTER SIGN UP

FOR ANOTHER HITCH.

 

DON'T DO THAT.

DON'T WRITE THAT TO HIM.

 

I'LL WRITE HIM AND SAY

I WANT HIM WITH ME.

 

I'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM.

 

YOU'RE TALKING CRAZY,

LULA MAE.

 

DOC, STOP CALLING ME THAT.

I'M NOT LULA MAE ANYMORE.

 

ALL RIGHT, LULA MAE.

 

I GUESS YOU KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

 

KEEP AN EYE ON HER,

WILL YOU, SON?

 

AT LEAST SEE SHE EATS

SOMETHING ONCE IN A WHILE.

 

SURE, DOC.

 

SO SKINNY.

 

PLEASE, DOC.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND.

 

I LOVE YOU,

 

BUT I'M JUST NOT

LULA MAE ANYMORE.

 

I'M NOT.

 

YOU KNOW

THE TERRIBLE THING,

 

FRED, DARLING?

 

 I AM STILL LULA MAE--

 

14 YEARS OLD,

STEALING TURKEY EGGS,

 

AND RUNNING THROUGH

A BRIAR PATCH.

 

EXCEPT NOW

I CALL IT

 

HAVING

THE MEAN REDS.

 

WELL, IT'S STILL

TOO EARLY

 

TO GO TO TIFFANY'S.

 

I GUESS

THE NEXT BEST THING

 

IS A DRINK.

 

YES, I VERY MUCH

NEED A DRINK.

 

BUY ME ONE,

FRED, DARLING?

 

SURE.

 

ONLY PROMISE ME

ONE THING--

 

DON'T TAKE ME HOME

UNTIL I'M DRUNK...

 

UNTIL I'M VERY

DRUNK, INDEED.

 

[DRUM BEATS]

 

[BAND PLAYS]

 

DO YOU THINK

SHE'S TALENTED,

 

DEEPLY AND

IMPORTANTLY TALENTED?

 

NO.

 

AMUSINGLY AND SUPERFICIALLY

TALENTED, YES,

 

BUT DEEPLY

AND IMPORTANTLY, NO.

 

GRACIOUS.

 

DO YOU THINK

SHE'S HANDSOMELY PAID?

 

HMM?

 

OH.

 

INDEED.

 

WELL, LET ME

TELL YOU SOMETHING.

 

IF I HAD HER MONEY,

 

I'D BE RICHER

THAN SHE IS.

 

HOW DO YOU

FIGURE THAT?

 

BECAUSE I'D KEEP

THE CANDY STORE.

 

OLD SALLY TOMATO--

THAT'S MY CANDY STORE.

 

I'D ALWAYS KEEP SALLY.

 

THAT'S WHY I'D BE

RICHER THAN SHE IS.

 

WE'D BETTER GET

A LITTLE MORE AIR.

 

TOM, DICK, AND HARRY--

 

NO. CORRECTION.

 

EVERY TOM, DICK, AND SID--

 

HARRY WAS HIS FRIEND.

 

ANYWAY, EVERY TOM, DICK,

AND SID SINKS--

 

THINKS IF HE TAKES

A GIRL TO DINNER,

 

SHE'LL JUST CURL UP

IN A LITTLE FURRY BALL

 

AT HIS FEET, RIGHT?

 

I HAVE BY ACTUAL COUNT

BEEN TAKEN TO DINNER

 

BY 26 DIFFERENT RATS

IN THE LAST 2 MONTHS,

 

27, IF YOU COUNT

BENNY SHACKLETT,

 

WHO'S IN MANY WAYS

A SUPERRAT.

 

I FORGOT MY KEY.

 

NEVER MIND.

I JUST BUZZED YUNIOSHI.

 

OH.

 

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW

SOMETHING FUNNY?

 

IN SPITE OF THE FACT

MOST OF THESE RATS

 

FORK UP $50

FOR THE POWDER ROOM

 

LIKE LITTLE DOLLS...

 

[BUZZING]

 

I FIND I HAVE $9.00 LESS

IN THE BANK ACCOUNT

 

THAN I HAD

SIX MONTHS AGO.

 

SO, MY DARLING FRED,

 

I HAVE TONIGHT MADE

A VERY SERIOUS DECISION.

 

AND WHAT IS THAT?

 

NO LONGER WILL I

PLAY THE FIELD.

 

CONGRATULATIONS.

 

THE FIELD STINKS,

 

BOTH ECONOMICALLY

AND SOCIALLY,

 

AND I'M GIVING IT UP.

 

WHOA.

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY,

 

THIS TIME I'M CALLING

THE POLICE,

 

THE FIRE DEPARTMENT,

 

AND NEW YORK STATE

HOUSING COMMISSION,

 

AND, IF NECESSARY,

THE BOARD OF HEALTH!

 

QUIET, UP THERE.

 

YOU WANT TO WAKE

THE WHOLE HOUSE?

 

AS MISS GOLIGHTLY

WAS SAYING

 

BEFORE SHE WAS

SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED,

 

MISS GOLIGHTLY

 

FURTHER ANNOUNCES

HER INTENTION

 

TO DEVOTE HER

NOT INCONSIDERABLE TALENTS

 

TO THE IMMEDIATE CAPTURE,

 

FOR THE PURPOSE

OF MATRIMONY,

 

OF MR. BR-RUTHERFORD--

 

RUSTY TO HIS FRIENDS,

 

OF WHOM I'M SURE

HE HAS MANY--

 

TRAWLER.

 

WHO?

 

RUSTY TRAWLER.

 

YOU MET HIM AT MY PARTY.

 

HE CAME WITH MAG WILDWOOD,

 

NOT THE BEAUTIFUL

LATIN TYPE.

 

THE OTHER ONE,

 

THE ONE THAT

LOOKS LIKE A PIG.

 

REMEMBER?

 

THE 9th RICHEST MAN

IN AMERICA UNDER 50?

 

AH...

 

DO I DETECT A LOOK

OF DISAPPROVAL

 

IN YOUR EYE?

 

TOUGH BEANS, BUDDY,

 

'CAUSE THAT'S THE WAY

IT'S GOING TO BE.

 

HI, CAT.

 

HOLLY,

 

YOU'RE DRUNK.

 

TRUE.

 

ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

 

TRUE, BUT IRRELEVANT.

 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

SO I THINK WE SHOULD

HAVE A DRINK

 

TO THE NEW

MRS. RUSTY TRAWLER...

 

ME.

 

HEY, TAKE IT EASY.

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

 

DON'T YOU THINK

I CAN DO IT?

 

TELL ME.

 

I'M INTERESTED.

DON'T YOU THINK I CAN?

 

YOU HEARD THE DOC.

 

MY BROTHER GETS OUT

IN FEBRUARY.

 

THE DOC WON'T

TAKE HIM BACK.

 

IT'S ALL UP TO ME.

 

I DON'T KNOW WHY

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

 

I NEED MONEY,

 

AND I'LL DO WHATEVER

I HAVE TO DO TO GET IT.

 

SO...

 

THIS TIME NEXT MONTH,

 

I'LL BE THE NEW

MRS. RUSTY TRAWLER.

 

I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE

A LITTLE DRINK TO THAT.

 

IT'S ALL GONE.

 

ISN'T THAT TOO BAD?

 

GOT ANY WHISKEY UPSTAIRS?

 

BUT YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH.

 

GO AHEAD.

GET THE WHISKEY.

 

I'LL PAY YOU FOR IT.

 

HOLLY, PLEASE.

 

NO, NO.

YOU DISAPPROVE OF ME,

 

AND I DO NOT

ACCEPT DRINKS

 

FROM GENTLEMEN

WHO DISAPPROVE OF ME.

 

I'LL PAY FOR

MY OWN WHISKEY.

 

DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

 

HOLLY.

 

I DO NOT ACCEPT DRINKS

FROM DISAPPROVING GENTLEMEN,

 

ESPECIALLY NOT

DISAPPROVING GENTLEMEN

 

WHO ARE KEPT

BY OTHER LADIES.

 

SO TAKE IT.

 

YOU SHOULD BE

USED TO TAKING MONEY

 

FROM LADIES BY NOW.

 

IF I WERE YOU,

 

I'D BE MORE CAREFUL 

WITH MY MONEY.

 

RUSTY TRAWLER

IS TOO HARD A WAY

 

OF EARNING IT.

 

IT SHOULD TAKE YOU

EXACTLY FOUR SECONDS

 

TO CROSS FROM HERE

TO THAT DOOR.

 

I'LL GIVE YOU TWO.

 

 [WHISTLING MOON RIVER]

 

HEH.

 

HI.

 

I WANTED TO TALK

ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT,

 

THEN I SAW THE PAPER,

AND--

 

WELL, ACTUALLY, I'M KIND OF

EMBARRASSED ABOUT IT,

 

BUT SINCE

IT CONCERNS YOU,

 

I THOUGHT I SHOULD

TALK ABOUT IT IN PERSON.

 

WHAT?

 

WHAT?

 

MM-HMM.

 

OH. THE EARPLUGS.

 

I CAN'T GO THROUGH

THE WHOLE THING AGAIN.

 

IT'S SUFFICIENT TO SAY,

 

I'VE COME TO MAKE UP.

 

AS AN ADDED INDUCEMENT,

I HAVE ALL KINDS OF NEWS.

 

CAN I COME IN?

 

I GUESS SO.

 

JUST A MINUTE. DO I

HAVE A NIGHTGOWN ON?

 

NO, I DON'T.

 

WOULD YOU TURN AROUND

FOR A SECOND?

 

NEVER MIND.

THAT'S CORNY ANYWAY.

 

I'LL TURN AROUND

MYSELF.

 

COME IN.

 

HAVE...

 

YOU SEEN THE PAPER?

 

MMM.

 

RUSTY, YOU MEAN.

 

MM-HMM.

 

YES. I KNOW

ALL ABOUT IT.

 

CERTAINLY HAD HIM...

 

PEGGED WRONG,

DIDN'T I?

 

I THOUGHT

HE WAS JUST A RAT,

 

BUT HE WAS A SUPERRAT

ALL ALONG.

 

A SUPERRAT

IN RAT'S CLOTHING.

 

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW

THE BEST PART.

 

NOT ONLY WAS HE

A SUPERRAT,

 

HE WAS ALSO BROKE.

 

BROKE?

 

I MEAN,

BUT NOT A FARTHING.

 

HIS FAMILY HAS MONEY,

OF COURSE,

 

BUT HE PERSONALLY

IS BROKE.

 

IT TURNS OUT

HE OWES $700,000.

 

CAN YOU IMAGINE

ANYONE OWING $700,000?

 

$43, YES.

 

ANYWAY,

THAT'S WHY HE DECIDED

 

TO MARRY THE QUEEN

OF THE PIG PEOPLE.

 

I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING,

FRED, DARLING--

 

I'D MARRY YOU FOR

YOUR MONEY IN A MINUTE.

 

WOULD YOU MARRY ME

FOR MY MONEY?

 

IN A MINUTE.

 

I GUESS

IT'S PRETTY LUCKY

 

NEITHER OF US

IS RICH, HUH?

 

YEAH.

 

OH, FRED, DARLING,

I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.

 

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?

 

[MEOW]

 

WRITING, MOSTLY.

 

SOLD A STORY.

 

JUST GOT WORD

THIS MORNING.

 

OH, THAT'S MARVELOUS.

 

IT REALLY IS.

 

ONLY HOW DOES YOUR DECORATOR

FRIEND FEEL ABOUT IT?

 

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO

BE SAVING YOURSELF?

 

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

 

I HAVEN'T GOT AROUND

TO TELLING HER YET.

 

LOOK, WHY DON'T WE

GO HAVE A DRINK

 

OR TAKE A WALK

TO CELEBRATE?

 

ALL RIGHT.

 

THERE'S SOME CHAMPAGNE

IN THE ICEBOX.

 

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN IT

WHILE I GET DRESSED?

 

O.K.

 

I DON'T THINK I'VE

EVER DRUNK CHAMPAGNE

 

BEFORE BREAKFAST BEFORE.

 

WITH BREAKFAST

ON SEVERAL OCCASIONS,

 

BUT NEVER BEFORE BEFORE.

 

WELL, I'VE GOT

A WONDERFUL IDEA.

 

WE'LL SPEND THE DAY

DOING THINGS

 

WE'VE NEVER DONE

BEFORE.

 

WE'LL TAKE TURNS.

 

FIRST SOMETHING

YOU'VE NEVER DONE,

 

THEN ME.

 

'COURSE, I CAN'T

THINK OF ANYTHING

 

I'VE NEVER DONE.

 

WHOA!

 

I'VE NEVER

BEEN FOR A WALK

 

IN THE MORNING BEFORE.

 

I'VE WALKED UP

5th AVENUE AT 6:00,

 

BUT I CONSIDER THAT

STILL NIGHT.

 

DO YOU THINK

IT COUNTS?

 

SURE, IT COUNTS.

NOW WE'RE EVEN.

 

DON'T YOU

JUST LOVE IT?

 

LOVE WHAT?

 

TIFFANY'S.

 

ISN'T IT WONDERFUL?

 

SEE WHAT I MEAN,

 

HOW NOTHING BAD

COULD HAPPEN TO YOU

 

IN A PLACE LIKE THIS?

 

IT ISN'T THAT I GIVE

A HOOT ABOUT JEWELRY,

 

EXCEPT DIAMONDS,

OF COURSE.

 

LIKE THAT.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

 

WELL...

 

PERSONALLY, I THINK

IT WOULD BE TACKY

 

TO WEAR DIAMONDS

BEFORE I'M 40.

 

WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT,

 

BUT MEANTIME, YOU

SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING.

 

I'LL WAIT.

 

NO. I'M GOING TO

BUY YOU A PRESENT.

 

YOU BOUGHT ME

A TYPEWRITER RIBBON,

 

AND IT BROUGHT LUCK.

 

BUT TIFFANY'S CAN BE

PRETTY EXPENSIVE.

 

I'VE GOT MY CHECK

AND $10.

 

I WOULDN'T LET YOU

CASH YOUR CHECK,

 

BUT A PRESENT

FOR $10 OR UNDER,

 

THAT I'LL ACCEPT.

 

OF COURSE, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT WE'LL FIND HERE FOR $10.

 

MAY I HELP YOU?

 

PERHAPS.

 

WE'RE LOOKING

FOR A PRESENT

 

FOR THE LADY.

 

CERTAINLY, SIR.

 

IS THERE SOMETHING SPECIAL

YOU HAD IN MIND?

 

WELL, WE HAD

CONSIDERED DIAMONDS,

 

AND I DON'T WANT

TO OFFEND YOU,

 

BUT THE LADY FEELS

THAT DIAMONDS

 

ARE TACKY FOR HER.

 

OH, I THINK THEY'RE

DIVINE ON OLDER WOMEN,

 

BUT THEY'RE NOT RIGHT

FOR ME, YOU UNDERSTAND.

 

CERTAINLY.

 

IN FAIRNESS,

I OUGHT TO EXPLAIN

 

THERE'S ALSO

A SECONDARY PROBLEM,

 

ONE OF FINANCE.

 

WE CAN ONLY AFFORD

TO SPEND...

 

A LIMITED AMOUNT.

 

MAY I ASK

HOW LIMITED?

 

$10.

 

$10.

 

THAT WAS THE OUTSIDE

FIGURE, YES.

 

I SEE.

 

DO YOU HAVE

ANYTHING FOR $10?

 

FRANKLY, MADAM,

WITHIN THAT PRICE RANGE,

 

THE VARIETY OF MERCHANDISE

IS RATHER LIMITED.

 

HOWEVER, I DO THINK

WE MIGHT HAVE--

 

LET'S SEE...

 

STRICTLY AS A NOVELTY,

YOU UNDERSTAND,

 

FOR THE LADY AND GENTLEMAN

WHO HAS EVERYTHING,

 

A STERLING SILVER

TELEPHONE DIALER.

 

THAT'S 6.75,

INCLUDING TAX.

 

A STERLING SILVER

TELEPHONE DIALER.

 

YES, SIR. THAT'S 6.75,

INCLUDING FEDERAL TAX.

 

WELL, THE PRICE

IS RIGHT,

 

BUT I MUST SAY,

 

I'D RATHER

HOPED FOR SOMETHING

 

SLIGHTLY MORE--

HOW SHALL I SAY IT--

 

ROMANTIC

IN FEELING.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

 

A STERLING SILVER

TELEPHONE DIALER--

 

I CERTAINLY THINK

IT'S HANDSOME,

 

BUT, WELL,

YOU DO UNDERSTAND.

 

WELL, WE TRIED,

BUT--

 

WE COULD HAVE

SOMETHING ENGRAVED,

 

COULDN'T WE?

 

YES, I SUPPOSE SO.

 

YES, INDEED.

 

THE ONLY PROBLEM IS,

 

YOU'D HAVE TO BUY

SOMETHING FIRST

 

IN ORDER TO HAVE

SOME OBJECT

 

UPON WHICH TO

PLACE THE ENGRAVING.

 

YOU SEE THE DIFFICULTY?

 

WELL, WE COULD

HAVE THIS ENGRAVED,

 

COULDN'T WE?

 

I THINK IT WOULD

BE VERY SMART.

 

THIS, I TAKE IT,

 

WAS NOT PURCHASED

AT TIFFANY'S?

 

NO.

 

ACTUALLY,

IT WAS PURCHASED

 

CONCURRENT WITH--

WELL, ACTUALLY,

 

IT CAME INSIDE A...

 

WELL, A BOX

OF CRACKER JACK.

 

I SEE.

 

DO THEY STILL

REALLY HAVE PRIZES

 

IN CRACKER JACK BOXES?

 

OH, YES.

 

THAT'S NICE TO KNOW.

 

IT GIVES ONE A FEELING

OF SOLIDARITY,

 

ALMOST OF CONTINUITY

WITH THE PAST,

 

THAT SORT OF THING.

 

WOULD TIFFANY'S REALLY

ENGRAVE IT FOR US?

 

THEY WOULDN'T FEEL IT

BENEATH THEM OR ANYTHING?

 

WELL, IT IS RATHER

UNUSUAL, MADAM,

 

BUT I THINK YOU'LL FIND

THAT TIFFANY'S

 

IS VERY UNDERSTANDING.

 

IF YOU WOULD

TELL ME THE INITIALS,

 

I THINK WE COULD

HAVE SOMETHING READY

 

FOR YOU

IN THE MORNING.

 

DIDN'T I TELL YOU

THIS WAS A LOVELY PLACE?

 

WHAT IS THIS PLACE

ANYWAY?

 

YOU WANTED TO SIT DOWN.

IT'S THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.

 

YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE?

 

NO.

 

THAT MAKES TWO FOR ME.

 

I DON'T SEE ANY BOOKS.

 

THEY'RE IN THERE.

 

SEE?

 

MM-HMM.

 

EACH ONE OF

THESE DRAWERS

 

IS STUFFED WITH

LITTLE CARDS.

 

EACH LITTLE CARD IS

A BOOK OR AN AUTHOR.

 

I THINK

THAT'S FASCINATING.

 

V-A-R-J-A-K.

 

REALLY?

 

LOOK.

 

ISN'T IT MARVELOUS?

 

THERE YOU ARE, RIGHT

IN THE PUBLIC LIBRARY.

 

 "VARJAK, PAUL.

 NINE LIVES."

 

THEN A LOT OF NUMBERS.

 

DO THEY REALLY HAVE

THE BOOK ITSELF, LIVE?

 

SURE.

 

FOLLOW ME.

 

[DING]

 

NUMBER 57.

THAT'S US.

 

57, PLEASE.

 

NINE LIVES

 BY VARJAK, PAUL.

 

SHH.

 

HAVE YOU READ IT?

IT'S MARVELOUS.

 

I'M AFRAID

I HAVEN'T.

 

YOU SHOULD.

HE WROTE IT.

 

HE'S VARJAK, PAUL,

IN PERSON.

 

SHE DOESN'T

BELIEVE ME.

 

SHOW HER YOUR

DRIVER'S LICENSE

 

OR DINERS CLUB CARD

OR SOMETHING.

 

HE'S REALLY

THE AUTHOR.

 

CROSS MY HEART

AND KISS MY ELBOW.

 

WOULD YOU KINDLY

LOWER YOUR VOICE?

 

AUTOGRAPH IT.

 

WOULDN'T THAT

BE NICE?

 

SORT OF MAKE IT

MORE PERSONAL?

 

REALLY, MISS...

 

GO AHEAD.

 

DON'T BE STUCK UP.

AUTOGRAPH IT.

 

WHAT SHALL I SAY?

 

SOMETHING SENTIMENTAL,

I THINK.

 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

STOP THAT.

 

YOU'RE DEFACING

PUBLIC PROPERTY.

 

WELL, IF THAT'S

HOW YOU FEEL,

 

COME ON, LET'S

GET OUT OF HERE.

 

I DON'T THINK THIS PLACE IS

HALF AS NICE AS TIFFANY'S.

 

DID YOU EVER

STEAL ANYTHING

 

FROM A 5-AND-10

 

WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

 

NO. I'M THE SENSITIVE,

BOOKISH TYPE.

 

DID YOU?

 

YES. I STILL DO

NOW AND THEN,

 

SORT OF

TO KEEP MY HAND IN.

 

COME ON.

DON'T BE CHICKEN.

 

YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT,

AND IT'S YOUR TURN.

 

[TOOT]

 

BOO!

 

RAAH!

 

HA HA HA HA.

HA HA HA HA.

 

I CAN'T SEE.

 

HA HA HA HA.

HA HA HA HA.

 

[HISS]

 

[MEOW]

 

HI, CAT.

 

LADY OF THE HOUSE

AT HOME?

 

HOLLY?

 

HOLLY.

 

TRICK OR TREAT.

 

YOU'RE CRAZY.

 

YOU KNOW THAT,

DON'T YOU?

 

BUT I LOVE YOU

ANYWAY.

 

TOOLEY.

 

YEAH?

 

I'VE...

 

GOT TO TALK TO YOU.

 

ALL RIGHT.

 

YOU WANT A DRINK?

 

UH-UH.

 

IF THIS IS GOING TO BE

A SERIOUS DISCUSSION,

 

AND SUDDENLY I'M

TERRIBLY AFRAID IT IS,

 

YOU'RE GOING

TO HAVE TO TAKE OFF

 

THAT RIDICULOUS MASK.

 

OR ELSE I'LL HAVE

TO WEAR ONE, TOO.

 

TOOLEY, LOOK, PLEASE.

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

 

GIRL TROUBLE?

 

IS THAT IT, DARLING?

 

OH, I SEE.

 

WELL, THAT'S NOT

SO SERIOUS.

 

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I'VE BEEN EXPECTING IT.

 

I CAN'T SAY I LIKE IT,

 

BUT I'VE BEEN

EXPECTING IT.

 

WHO IS SHE?

 

HASN'T GOT ANYTHING

TO DO WITH HER.

 

THIS IS BETWEEN

YOU AND ME.

 

OH. THEN IT IS SERIOUS.

 

WELL, NOW.

 

TOOLEY, YOU'RE

A VERY STYLISH GIRL.

 

CAN'T WE END THIS

STYLISHLY?

 

END IT?

 

YES.

 

WELL...

 

I DO BELIEVE

LOVE HAS FOUND ANDY HARDY.

 

LET'S SEE...

 

A WAITRESS?

 

A SALESGIRL?

 

NO. SHE'D HAVE TO BE

SOMEONE RICH,

 

WOULDN'T SHE, PAUL?

 

SOMEONE WHO COULD HELP YOU.

 

CURIOUSLY ENOUGH...

 

SHE'S A GIRL

WHO CAN'T HELP ANYONE,

 

NOT EVEN HERSELF.

 

THE THING IS,

I CAN HELP HER,

 

AND IT'S A NICE FEELING

FOR A CHANGE.

 

ALL RIGHT.

 

I UNDERSTAND.

 

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

PAUL.

 

I AM

A VERY STYLISH GIRL.

 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

WRITING A CHECK.

 

DON'T LOOK SO BEWILDERED.

 

SURELY YOU'VE NOTICED ME

WRITING CHECKS BEFORE.

 

PAY TO THE ORDER

OF PAUL VARJAK--

 

$1,000.

 

TAKE HER AWAY SOMEWHERE

FOR A WEEK.

 

YOU'RE ENTITLED

TO A VACATION WITH PAY.

 

SIMPLY A MATTER OF FAIR

LABOR PRACTICE, DARLING.

 

IF YOU WERE REALLY SMART,

 

YOU'D GET THE BOYS TOGETHER

AND ORGANIZE A UNION.

 

THAT WAY YOU'D GET

ALL THE FRINGE BENEFITS--

 

HOSPITALIZATION,

A PENSION PLAN,

 

AND UNEMPLOYMENT INSURANCE

WHEN YOU'RE...

 

HOW SHALL I PUT IT?

 

BETWEEN ENGAGEMENTS.

 

THANKS FOR MAKING IT

EASIER FOR ME.

 

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS,

DARLING.

 

TAKE THE CHECK.

 

AND CALL YOUR GIRL.

 

NO, THANKS.

 

I'VE GOT A CHECK

OF MY OWN.

 

WHEN YOU GET YOURSELF

A NEW WRITER TO HELP,

 

TRY AND FIND ONE MY SIZE.

 

THAT WAY YOU WON'T HAVE

TO EVEN SHORTEN THE SLEEVES.

 

[RING]

 

[RING]

 

HOLLY!

 

HOLLY!

 

HOLLY!

 

HEY!

 

OH!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

EXCUSE ME.

 

UH, I--I'M SORRY.

 

YOU LOOK JUST LIKE

A GIRL I KNOW

 

NAMED HOLLY.

 

REALLY?

 

I'M SORRY.

 

HI.

 

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

 

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

 

I'M BUSY.

 

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

 

READING.

 

 SOUTH AMERICA--

 

LAND OF WEALTH

AND PROMISE?

 

IT'S VERY

INTERESTING.

 

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

 

I SAID

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

 

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

 

SHH!

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU ANYWAY?

 

WHAT'S HAPPENED?

 

FRED, WILL YOU

 

PLEASE JUST

LEAVE ME ALONE?

 

HOLLY.

 

I LOVE YOU.

 

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

 

TO THE LADIES ROOM.

 

WHAT'S THE MATTER

WITH YOU?

 

LET ME GO.

 

NO.

 

FRED, LET ME GO.

 

LET'S GET SOMETHING

STRAIGHT.

 

I AM NOT NOR HAVE

I EVER BEEN FRED,

 

NOR AM I

BENNY SHACKLETT.

 

MY NAME IS PAUL--

PAUL VARJAK--

 

AND I LOVE YOU.

 

LET ME GO.

 

NOT

TILL WE SETTLE THIS.

 

WHAT'S ALL THIS JAZZ

ABOUT SOUTH AMERICA?

 

I THOUGHT IF I'M MARRYING

A SOUTH AMERICAN,

 

I'D BETTER FIND OUT

SOMETHING ABOUT THE COUNTRY.

 

MARRY? WHAT

SOUTH AMERICAN?

 

JOSE.

 

WHO THE HELL'S JOSE?

 

JOSE de SILVA PEREIRA.

 

WHO THE HELL'S

JOSE de SILVA PEREIRA?

 

DARLING, YOU MET HIM.

I KNOW YOU DID.

 

MAG WILDWOOD'S FRIEND.

 

HE CAME TO THE PARTY

WITH RUSTY.

 

WELL, MY DEAR,

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS,

 

BUT NOT ONLY IS HE

HANDSOME AND RICH,

 

HE'S ABSOLUTELY

CUCKOO FOR ME.

 

YOU'RE CRAZY.

 

DO YOU THINK

YOU OWN ME?

 

THAT'S EXACTLY

WHAT I THINK.

 

THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY

ALWAYS THINKS,

 

BUT EVERYBODY

HAPPENS TO BE WRONG.

 

LOOK, I AM NOT

EVERYBODY.

 

OR AM I?

 

IS THAT

WHAT YOU REALLY THINK?

 

THAT I'M NO DIFFERENT

 

FROM ALL YOUR OTHER RATS

AND SUPERRATS?

 

WAIT A MINUTE.

 

IF THAT'S IT...

 

IF THAT'S

WHAT YOU REALLY THINK...

 

THERE'S SOMETHING

I WANT TO GIVE YOU.

 

WHAT'S THAT?

 

$50 FOR

THE POWDER ROOM.

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[BUZZ]

 

THE PLACE

IS IN SUCH A MESS,

 

I COULDN'T

FACE IT ALONE.

 

AH, YOU HAVE A MESSAGE.

 

NO.

 

OLe.

 

[DRIPPING]

 

GOOD EVENING,

MR. YUNIOSHI.

 

OH, GOOD EVENING,

PAUL.

 

GOOD EVENING.

 

GOOD EVENING.

 

AAH!

 

[CRASH]

 

OH!

 

PLEASE,

YOU MUST HELP ME.

 

[MEOW]

 

[MEOW]

 

HOLLY! HOLLY!

 

AAH!

 

[MEOW]

 

HOLLY.

 

LET ME GO.

 

HOLLY.

 

HOLLY.

 

OH, FRED.

 

HOLLY.

 

FRED.

 

HOLLY.

 

NO, NO.

 

WHAT DID YOU DO

TO HER?

 

NOTHING. THERE

WAS A TELEGRAM,

 

AND THEN THIS--

 

CRASHING EVERYTHING

 

AND ACTING

LIKE A CRAZY--

 

IT'S APPALLING.

 

I CAN'T HAVE

A PUBLIC SCANDAL.

 

IT'S TOO DELICATE--

 

MY NAME, MY POSITION,

MY FAMILY.

 

WILL THERE BE

THE POLICE AGAIN?

 

I DON'T SEE WHY.

 

THERE'S NO LAW

AGAINST BUSTING UP

 

YOUR APARTMENT.

 

WHERE IS THE TELEGRAM?

 

THERE IT IS.

 

"RECEIVED NOTICE

YOUNG FRED KILLED..."

 

"IN JEEP ACCIDENT,

FORT RILEY, KANSAS."

 

"YOUR HUSBAND AND CHILDREN

JOIN IN THE SORROW

 

OF OUR MUTUAL LOSS."

 

"LETTER FOLLOWING.

LOVE, DOC."

 

HER BROTHER FRED.

 

OH.

 

THIS BROTHER,

WAS SHE VERY CLOSE TO HIM?

 

YEAH.

 

WHAT CAN ONE DO?

 

TRY TO HELP HER.

 

I TRIED.

IT DIDN'T DO MUCH GOOD.

 

YOU GOT A RANCH

OR SOMETHING IN BRAZIL?

 

YES.

 

THAT'S GOOD.

SHE'LL LIKE THAT.

 

WELL, YOU BETTER

GET IN THERE.

 

[SPEAKING PORTUGUESE]

 

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

 

[MEOW]

 

[BUZZ]

 

[MEOW]

 

HI.

 

HELLO.

GOT YOUR WIRE.

 

HOW DID YOU KNOW

WHERE TO REACH ME?

 

OH, I TRIED EVERYTHING--

 

CALLED PEOPLE,

ASKED AROUND,

 

AND SUDDENLY I THOUGHT

OF THE PHONE BOOK.

 

ANYWAY,

I'M GLAD YOU CAME.

 

YOU LOOK FINE.

 

I'M FAT AS A PIG,

 

AND I HAVEN'T

HAD MY HAIR DONE,

 

BUT I'M HAPPY,

REALLY HAPPY.

 

IT PROBABLY SHOWS.

 

 YOU LOOK TReS DISTINGUE

 YOURSELF.

 

I'VE GOT A JOB.

 

I'VE BEEN WRITING

A LITTLE.

 

I'VE READ THREE

OF YOUR STORIES--

 

TWO IN THE NEW YORKER

 

AND ONE IN THAT

FUNNY LITTLE MAGAZINE.

 

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

 

THANK YOU.

 

I'VE TAKEN UP KNITTING.

 

SO I SEE.

 

IT'LL PROBABLY LOOK,

UH...VERY NICE

 

ONCE IT'S FINISHED.

 

I'M A LITTLE

NERVOUS ABOUT IT.

 

JOSE BROUGHT UP

THE BLUEPRINTS

 

FOR A NEW RANCH HOUSE

HE'S BUILDING.

 

I HAVE

THIS STRANGE FEELING

 

THAT THE BLUEPRINTS AND

MY KNITTING INSTRUCTIONS

 

GOT SWITCHED.

 

I MAY BE KNITTING

A RANCH HOUSE.

 

[SPEAKING PORTUGUESE]

 

[RECORD STOPS]

 

REALLY, DARLING,

I CAN'T TELL YOU

 

HOW DIVINELY HAPPY

I AM.

 

WHAT IS THAT,

ANYHOW?

 

PORTUGUESE--

 

A VERY COMPLICATED

LANGUAGE.

 

4,000 IRREGULAR VERBS.

 

[SPEAKING PORTUGUESE]

 

HMM. VERY IMPRESSIVE.

WHAT'S IT MEAN?

 

I BELIEVE

YOU ARE IN LEAGUE

 

WITH THE BUTCHER.

 

HOLLY,

WHAT'S THIS ABOUT?

 

[MEOW]

 

WHY DID YOU

WANT TO SEE ME?

 

JOSE'S IN WASHINGTON

FOR THE NIGHT,

 

SO I THOUGHT

I'D ASK YOU OVER,

 

AND, WELL,

I'VE SAID GOODBYE

 

TO EVERYONE ELSE

I CARE ABOUT.

 

YOU'RE GOING SOMEWHERE?

 

I'M GOING TO RIO

TOMORROW.

 

I'VE GOT

THE PLANE TICKET,

 

AND I'VE EVEN SAID

GOODBYE TO SALLY.

 

JOSE'S FLYING DOWN

WITH YOU?

 

WE'RE GOING

ON SEPARATE PLANES.

 

HE DOESN'T THINK

IT LOOKS RIGHT

 

FOR US

TO TRAVEL TOGETHER.

 

HIS FAMILY'S IMPORTANT

DOWN THERE,

 

SO HE WORRIES

ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT.

 

ANYWAY, I THOUGHT

I'D SHOW OFF

 

AND COOK DINNER FOR US.

 

DID I TELL YOU

 

HOW DIVINELY

AND UTTERLY HAPPY I AM?

 

YES.

 

YOU ARE GETTING

MARRIED, THEN?

 

WELL, HE HASN'T

REALLY ASKED ME,

 

NOT IN

SO MANY WORDS.

 

FOUR, YOU MEAN?

 

HUH?

 

WELL, THAT'S HOW MANY

WORDS IT TAKES--

 

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

 

[POP]

 

OH, WE'LL GET

MARRIED, ALL RIGHT,

 

AND IN CHURCH AND WITH

HIS FAMILY THERE,

 

AND THAT'S

WHY HE'S WAITING

 

TILL

WE GET TO RIO...

 

PROBABLY.

 

[POT WHISTLES]

 

DO YOU THINK IT'S TRYING

TO TELL US SOMETHING?

 

I HOPE YOU LIKE CHICKEN

AND SAFFRON RICE

 

SERVED WITH CHOCOLATE SAUCE.

 

IT'S AN EAST INDIAN

CLASSIC, MY DEAR.

 

THREE MONTHS AGO,

I COULDN'T SCRAMBLE EGGS.

 

AAH! AAH!

 

OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

 

OH. OH, GOLLY, DARLING.

 

I DID SO WANT

TO IMPRESS YOU.

 

LOOK,

 

I'M NOT MUCH FOR

CHICKEN WITH SAUCE ANYWAY.

 

WHY DON'T WE

GO OUT SOMEWHERE?

 

LET ME BUY YOU

A FAREWELL DINNER.

 

OH,

THAT WOULD BE FUN,

 

AS LONG AS I CAN GO

LIKE THIS.

 

YEARS FROM NOW,

 

YEARS AND YEARS,

 

I'LL BE BACK--

 

ME AND MY NINE

BRAZILIAN BRATS.

 

THEY'LL BE DARK

LIKE JOSE, OF COURSE,

 

BUT THEY'LL HAVE

BRIGHT GREEN,

 

BEAUTIFUL EYES.

 

I'LL BRING THEM BACK,

ALL RIGHT,

 

BECAUSE

THEY MUST SEE THIS.

 

OH, I LOVE NEW YORK.

 

THEN WHY

ARE YOU LEAVING?

 

WHAT'S IN IT

FOR YOU ANYWAY?

 

LOOK, I KNOW

WHAT YOU'RE THINKING,

 

AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.

 

I'VE ALWAYS THROWN OUT

SUCH A JAZZY LINE,

 

BUT REALLY, EXCEPT

FOR DOC AND YOURSELF,

 

JOSE'S MY FIRST

NONRAT ROMANCE.

 

 NOT THAT HE'S MY IDEA

OF THE ABSOLUTE FINITO.

 

HE'S TOO PRIM

AND CAUTIOUS

 

TO BE MY ABSOLUTE IDEAL.

 

NOW, IF I COULD CHOOSE

FROM ANYBODY ALIVE,

 

I WOULDN'T PICK JOSE.

 

NERO, MAYBE,

OR ALBERT SCHWEITZER...

 

OR LEONARD BERNSTEIN.

 

BUT I AM MAD ABOUT JOSE.

 

I HONESTLY THINK

I'D GIVE UP SMOKING

 

IF HE ASKED ME.

 

COME ON, DARLING.

LET'S EAT.

 

IT'S GETTING LATE.

 

I'M LEAVING TOMORROW,

 

AND I HAVEN'T

EVEN BEGUN TO PACK.

 

DIDN'T WANT JOSE

TO THINK

 

I'M A GIRL

WHO LOSES HER KEY,

 

SO I HAD 26 OF THEM

MADE.

 

WAIT. I GOT

A BETTER IDEA.

 

KIND OF

A FAREWELL GESTURE.

 

SOMEBODY MUST HAVE

TRIPPED THE LOCK.

 

AH, CRAFTY DEVIL,

THAT YUNIOSHI.

 

WAKE UP, WAKE UP!

THE BRITISH ARE COMING!

 

OR, IN THIS CASE,

THE BRAZILIANS.

 

EXACTLY.

 

OOH, I'VE STILL GOT

TO CLEAN UP ALL THAT RICE.

 

HEY, YOU KNOW--

 

HEY!

 

THERE SHE ARE WHO DID IT!

 

THE WANTED WOMAN! THERE!

 

GROENBURGER.

NARCOTICS SQUAD.

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

 

WHAT'S GOING ON?

 

WHY DON'T YOU

ASK YOUR BOSS?

 

WHAT BOSS?

 

SALLY TOMATO.

ASK HIM. COME ON.

 

LOOK AROUND FOR NARCOTIC!

 

THEY GOT PLENTY NARCOTIC

IN THERE.

 

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

 

VARJAK.

 

HOLD IT DOWN

OVER THERE!

 

PAUL VARJAK.

 

V-A-R-J-A-K.

 

AW, GET LOST!

 

GET OUT!

 

I'M A WRITER.

 

W-R-I-T-E-R.

 

[REPORTERS

SHOUTING QUESTIONS]

 

I CAN'T ANSWER

ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.

 

ONE AT A TIME.

 

ONE, PLEASE.

 

GOOD.

 

[SHOUTING]

[SHOUTING]

 

I CAN'T ANSWER

ALL YOUR QUESTIONS.

 

ONE AT A TIME.

 

KNOCK IT OFF!

 

NOW, DARLING,

WHY DON'T YOU START?

 

DID YOU

CARRY MESSAGES

 

FROM TOMATO

IN CODE?

 

OF COURSE NOT.

 

I'D JUST GIVE MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY

THE WEATHER REPORT.

 

SIMPLY DO NOT ASK ME

WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.

 

PARCE QUE JE NE SAIS PAS,

MES CHERS.

 

YOU DID

VISIT TOMATO?

 

EVERY WEEK.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

 

TOMATO'S PART OF

 

THE NARCOTICS

SYNDICATE.

 

HE NEVER

MENTIONED NARCOTICS.

 

THESE WRETCHED PEOPLE

KEEP PERSECUTING HIM.

 

HE'S A DEEPLY

SENSITIVE PERSON,

 

A DARLING OLD MAN.

 

THEN

YOU'RE INNOCENT.

 

OF COURSE I'M INNOCENT.

 

WHAT ARE YOU GOING

TO DO ABOUT IT?

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

 

WELL, WHO'S

YOUR LAWYER?

 

I DON'T KNOW.

MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY, I GUESS.

 

MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY!

 

HEY! GET OUT OF HERE!

 

ALL RIGHT, COME ON!

 

O.K., MOVE.

 

MR. O'SHAUGHNESSY?

 

AW, SHUT UP!

 

GET IN THERE!

 

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

 

[RING]

 

YEAH.

 

MR. PAUL VARJAK?

 

YEAH.

 

READY WITH MR. BERMAN

IN HOLLYWOOD.

 

KINDLY DEPOSIT $3.00

FOR THE FIRST 3 MINUTES.

 

[COINS JINGLE]

 

[BED MOTOR WHIRS]

 

HELLO?

 

HELLO?

 

O.J. BERMAN HERE.

WHO'S CALLING?

 

BBBHHAA!

 

MR. BERMAN,

THIS IS PAUL VARJAK.

 

NICE TO TALK TO YOU,

KID.

 

VARJAK.

V-A-R-J-A-K.

 

I'M A FRIEND OF HOLLY'S.

 

WE MET AT A PARTY

IN NEW YORK.

 

WHO?

 

PAUL.

PAUL VARJAK.

 

V-A-R...

 

MR. BERMAN,

THIS IS FRED.

 

OH, FRED, BABY, HUH?

 

YOU'RE CALLING

ABOUT THE KID, HUH?

 

EVERYTHING'S

UNDER CONTROL.

 

YOU JUST RELAX.

 

UHH!

 

I SPOKE TO MY LAWYER

IN NEW YORK.

 

I TOLD HIM TO TAKE CARE

OF EVERYTHING,

 

SEND ME THE BILL,

 

KEEP MY NAME

ANOMINOUS.

 

WHAT?

 

I DON'T WANT

ANY PART OF IT.

 

YOU SOUND LIKE

YOU'RE IN A TUNNEL.

 

IT'S THIS

EXECUTIVE PHONE I HAVE.

 

WHAT?

 

EXECUTIVE PHONE!

 

THEY ONLY GOT HER

ON 10,000 BAIL.

 

MY LAWYER CAN GET

HER OUT AT 10 A.M.

 

I TELL YOU WHAT YOU DO.

 

YOU BUST INTO

THAT DUMP SHE LIVES IN,

 

COLLECT ALL HER JUNK,

 

GO DOWN TO THE JAIL,

GET HER OUT,

 

TAKE HER TO A HOTEL

UNDER A PHONY NAME.

 

TRY TO KEEP HER AWAY

FROM THE REPORTERS.

 

WILL YOU DO THAT?

 

SURE, MR. BERMAN.

 

I CAN'T TELL YOU

HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE--

 

FORGET IT.

 

I MEAN,

I OWE HER SOMETHING.

 

NOT THAT

I OWE HER ANYTHING

 

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO

GET RIGHT DOWN TO IT,

 

BUT...SHE'S A CRAZY.

 

SHE'S A PHONY.

 

[BED MOTOR WHIRS]

 

BUT SHE'S

A REAL PHONY.

 

KNOW WHAT

I MEAN, KID?

 

YEAH,

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

 

THANKS, MR. BERMAN.

THANKS A LOT.

 

RIGHT!

 

[CLICK]

 

[BED MOTOR WHIRS]

 

WHY DON'T YOU BEHAVE?

 

QUEL NIGHT.

 

I DID A LITTLE HOUSEBREAKING

WHILE YOU WERE AWAY.

 

CLAYTON HOTEL, DRIVER.

84th AND MADISON.

 

O.J. THINKS IT WOULD

BE A GOOD IDEA

 

IF YOU STAYED

OUT OF SIGHT FOR A WHILE.

 

I GOT YOUR STUFF HERE,

INCLUDING CAT.

 

HOPE HE'S ALL RIGHT.

 

[MEOW]

 

HELLO, CAT...

 

POOR NO-NAME SLOB.

 

LISTEN, DARLING,

 

DID YOU FIND

THAT PLANE TICKET?

 

RIGHT HERE.

WE CAN CASH IT IN.

 

CASH IT IN?

ARE YOU KIDDING?

 

WHAT TIME IS IT?

 

A LITTLE AFTER 10:00.

 

GOOD. IDYLWILD AIRPORT,

DRIVER.

 

NEVER MIND.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

 

WHY NOT?

 

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YOU'RE UNDER INDICTMENT.

 

YOU JUMP BAIL,

THEY'LL THROW AWAY THE KEY.

 

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS,

DARLING.

 

THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW,

 

I'LL BE MARRIED TO

 

THE FUTURE PRESIDENT

OF BRAZIL.

 

THAT'LL GIVE ME

DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY

 

OR SOMETHING.

 

HUH?

 

I WOULDN'T BET ON IT.

 

WHAT IS IT, DARLING?

 

I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR YOU.

 

OH.

 

OH, YES, I SEE.

 

DID HE BRING IT

IN PERSON, OR WAS IT...

 

JUST THERE,

 

SHOVED UNDER

THE DOOR?

 

A COUSIN.

 

HAND ME MY PURSE,

WILL YOU, DARLING?

 

A GIRL CAN'T READ

THAT SORT OF THING...

 

WITHOUT HER LIPSTICK.

 

YOU READ IT TO ME,

WILL YOU, DARLING?

 

I DON'T THINK I CAN

QUITE...BEAR...

 

ARE YOU SURE

YOU WANT ME TO?

 

MM-HMM.

 

O.K.

 

"MY DEAREST LITTLE GIRL,

 

"I HAVE LOVED YOU

 

"KNOWING YOU WERE NOT

AS OTHERS,

 

"BUT CONCEIVE OF

MY DESPAIR

 

"UPON DISCOVERING IN SUCH

A BRUTAL AND PUBLIC STYLE

 

"HOW VERY DIFFERENT

YOU ARE

 

"FROM THE MANNER

OF WOMAN

 

"A MAN OF MY POSITION

COULD HOPE TO MAKE HIS WIFE.

 

"I GRIEVE FOR

THE DISGRACE

 

"OF YOUR PRESENT

CIRCUMSTANCES,

 

"AND I DO NOT

FIND IT IN MY HEART

 

"TO ADD MY CONDEMN...

 

"TO THE CONDEMN

THAT SURROUNDS YOU.

 

"SO I HOPE YOU WILL

FIND IT IN YOUR HEART

 

"NOT TO CONDEMN ME.

 

"I HAVE MY FAMILY

TO PROTECT AND MY NAME

 

"AND...I AM A COWARD WHERE

THESE INSTITUTIONS ENTER.

 

"FORGET ME,

BEAUTIFUL CHILD,

 

"AND MAY GOD BE WITH YOU.

 

JOSE."

 

WELL...

 

WELL, AT LEAST

HE'S HONEST.

 

IT'S KIND OF TOUCHING.

 

TOUCHING!

THAT SQUARE-BALL JAZZ.

 

HE SAYS HE'S A COWARD.

 

ALL RIGHT! SO HE'S

NOT A REGULAR RAT

 

OR EVEN A SUPERRAT.

 

HE'S JUST A SCARED

LITTLE MOUSE,

 

THAT'S ALL.

 

BUT, OH, GOLLY...

 

GEE! DAMN!

 

WELL, SO MUCH

FOR SOUTH AMERICA.

 

I REALLY DIDN'T THINK

 

YOU WERE CUT OUT TO BE

QUEEN OF THE PAMPAS ANYWAY.

 

CLAYTON HOTEL.

 

IDYLWILD.

 

WHAT?

 

THE PLANE LEAVES

AT 12:00,

 

AND ON IT

I PLAN TO BE.

 

HOLLY, YOU CAN'T.

 

 NE POURQUOI PAS?

 

I'M NOT HOTFOOTING IT

AFTER JOSE,

 

IF THAT'S WHAT

YOU THINK. OH, NO.

 

AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,

 

HE'S THE FUTURE

PRESIDENT OF NOWHERE.

 

ONLY WHY SHOULD I WASTE

A GOOD PLANE TICKET?

 

BESIDES, I'VE

NEVER BEEN TO BRAZIL.

 

PLEASE, DARLING,

 

DON'T SIT THERE

LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

 

I'M GOING, AND THAT'S

ALL THERE IS TO IT.

 

ALL THEY WANT FROM ME

 

ARE MY SERVICES

AS A STATE'S WITNESS

 

AGAINST SALLY.

 

NOBODY HAS ANY INTENTION

OF PROSECUTING ME.

 

TO BEGIN WITH,

 

THEY DON'T HAVE

A GHOST OF A CHANCE.

 

THIS TOWN'S

FINISHED FOR ME...

 

AT LEAST FOR A WHILE.

 

THERE ARE CERTAIN

SHADES OF LIMELIGHT

 

THAT CAN WRECK

A GIRL'S COMPLEXION.

 

THEY'LL HAVE THE ROPE UP

AT EVERY SALOON IN TOWN.

 

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT

YOU DO FOR ME, DARLING.

 

WHEN YOU GET

BACK TO TOWN,

 

 CALL UP

 THE NEW YORK TIMES

 

OR WHOEVER YOU CALL.

 

MAIL ME A LIST OF THE 50

RICHEST MEN IN BRAZIL--

 

THE 50 RICHEST!

 

HOLLY.

 

I'M NOT GOING TO

LET YOU DO THIS.

 

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO

LET ME?

 

HOLLY,

I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

 

SO WHAT?

 

SO WHAT? SO PLENTY!

 

I LOVE YOU.

YOU BELONG TO ME.

 

NO. PEOPLE DON'T

BELONG TO PEOPLE.

 

OF COURSE THEY DO.

 

NOBODY'S GOING TO

PUT ME IN A CAGE.

 

I WANT TO LOVE YOU.

 

IT'S THE SAME THING.

 

NO, IT'S NOT! HOLLY!

 

I'M NOT HOLLY. I'M NOT

LULA MAE, EITHER.

 

I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM!

 

I'M LIKE CAT HERE,

A NO-NAME SLOB.

 

WE BELONG TO NOBODY, AND

NOBODY BELONGS TO US.

 

WE DON'T EVEN BELONG

TO EACH OTHER.

 

STOP THE CAB.

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

 

THIS OUGHT TO BE

THE RIGHT PLACE

 

FOR A TOUGH GUY

LIKE YOU--

 

GARBAGE CANS,

RATS GALORE.

 

[MEOW]

 

SCRAM!

 

I SAID TAKE OFF!

 

BEAT IT!

 

LET'S GO.

 

[THUNDER]

 

DRIVER...

 

PULL OVER HERE.

 

YOU KNOW

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU,

 

MISS WHOEVER-YOU-ARE?

 

YOU'RE CHICKEN.

 

YOU GOT NO GUTS.

 

YOU'RE AFRAID TO SAY,

"O.K., LIFE'S A FACT."

 

PEOPLE DO FALL IN LOVE.

 

PEOPLE DO BELONG

TO EACH OTHER,

 

BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY

CHANCE ANYBODY'S GOT

 

FOR REAL HAPPINESS.

 

YOU CALL YOURSELF

A FREE SPIRIT,

 

A WILD THING.

 

YOU'RE TERRIFIED

SOMEBODY'S GOING TO

 

STICK YOU IN A CAGE.

 

WELL, BABY, YOU'RE

ALREADY IN THAT CAGE.

 

YOU BUILT IT YOURSELF.

 

AND IT'S NOT BOUNDED

BY TULIP, TEXAS,

 

OR SOMALILAND.

 

IT'S WHEREVER YOU GO.

 

BECAUSE NO MATTER

WHERE YOU RUN,

 

YOU JUST END UP

RUNNING INTO YOURSELF.

 

HERE. I'VE BEEN

CARRYING THIS THING

 

AROUND FOR MONTHS.

 

I DON'T WANT IT ANYMORE.

 

HERE, CAT!

 

CAT!

 

WHERE'S THE CAT?

 

I DON'T KNOW.

 

CAT.

 

CAT!

 

CAT!

 

CAT!

 

CAT!

 

CAT!

 

OH, CAT.

 

CAT.

 

[MEOW]

 

[MEOW MEOW]

 

CAT!

 

CAT.

 

HERE.

 

OH, CAT.

 

OH, OH, OH.

 

OHH...

 

" TWO DRIFTERS "

 

" OFF TO SEE THE WORLD "

 

" THERE'S SUCH

A LOT OF WORLD "

 

" TO SEE "

 

" WE'RE AFTER "

 

" THE SAME "

 

" RAINBOW'S END "

 

" WAITIN'

'ROUND THE BEND "

 

" MY HUCKLEBERRY FRIEND "

 

" MOON RIVER "

 

" AND ME ""

 

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION

 

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1991

PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION

 

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY

THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING

INSTITUTE, INC.

 

================= =================