Bride Wars Script - Dialogue Transcript

Bride Wars Script

  

  
It all began at the Plaza Hotel.

  
Twenty years ago
in the month of June:

  
Two mothers brought
their daughters, Liv and Emma,

  
here to the Palm Court for tea.

  
On that afternoon,
there was a wedding:

  
There was something blue,
something borrowed,

  
and something completely magical:

  
And two little girls
from New Jersey

  
held in their hands a new dream-

  
that one day they would find
that one person

  
who would stand by
them no matter what

  
and when they did, they too

  
would have June weddings
at the Plaza.

  
Thank you.

  
And, yes, Your Honor, I will take
this lofty man to be my husband.

  
I always knew my wedding
would be the happiest day of my life.

  
Now I will dance with you
until we have six babies and a house.

  
Do you think they let pets
inside the Plaza?

  
It's not like we're getting married
until we're 1 6 at least.

  
Next time, can I play the bride?

  
Emma, you know
I always play the bride.

  
Not too shabby.

  
Caviar cocktail hour-
-Cigar roller, white glove service-

  
-Celadon cymbidium orchids.
-Great DJ.

  
So we both admit it's beautiful.

  
-Yeah.
-But?

  
Do you think it's the work
of Marion St Claire?

  
Marion's a visionary.

  
If it had been my wedding-

  
-Just say it.
-It ain't June.

  
-And it ain't the Plaza.
-It's the elephant in the room.

  
Yeah.

  
-And here you are.
-Llook.

  
A duck made out of ice.
Isn't this great?

  
Know what else is great?

  
Going home early and watching
your backed-up TiVo?

  
Am I that predictable?

  
How about one more dance...

  
and I'll give you my piece
of the cake-if you let me lead.

  
Very funny.

  
-Come on. Come on.
-You know I always lead.

  
Hi, girls.

  
Are you ready to catch this bouquet?
-Gotta go.

  
-I'm so happy all of you are here:
-On the other hand, always fun.

  
I know. They take it so seriously.

  
My work friends, sort of.

  
My college buds
Oh, my God.

  
Emma Allan, is that the same dress
you wore to the Delta Gamma...

  
"Kegs for a Cause'' semiformal,
like, a bazillion years ago?

  
What's your point? 
Because it's a classic.

  
If a dress works, you work it hard.

  
See, that is sweet. And loyal.

  
Girlfriends sticking up
for each other.

  
I like that, a lot. Keep that.

  
Are you guys ready to catch this?
-Yeah.

  
Just think about it,
feel it, catch it-

  
One, two, three!

  
I would have seen the signs 
if I'd been there.

  
It's all right there.
Look at Emma's eyes: like a hunter's.

  
And Liv's hand: how would you like 
that clasped around your throat?

  
Not that either of them can imagine
hurting each other at this point.

  
Why should they?
They've been inseparable for 20 years.

  
Okay, slow down.

  
Why can't we run with iPods?
-We can't run with iPods because...

  
they are for people who can't be alone
with their own thoughts.

  
I'm literally running circles around you.
Do you know that?

  
Do you know how many things
I can think about at once?

  
You know what a multitasker I am.

  
You're not enjoying my conversation?
Is that what you're saying?

  
-I'm hurt. I am very hurt, Liv.
-I gotta go.

  
-All right. Have a good day.
-Love you.

  
-Call me. Tell me how the meeting goes.
-Watch this power walk.

  
Did you get the changes to the brief?

  
-Read and highlighted in the cab.
-Great.

  
Purse. It's like the whole city
is made out of lint.

  
It's an aggressive approach, exploiting
the weaknesses of our plaintiffs case

  
and I think judicially
we'll find favor-

  
Particularly if we pulljustice Givens.

  
Thank you, Liv.

  
Our best associate, Mr. Simmons.

  
Maybe your approach
is too aggressive.

  
I mean, if we pound them

  
as you suggest, they'll hardly
be in the mood to settle.

  
Mr. Simmons, you don't-
You don't know me, but I-

  
I know you.

  
All you need to know
is how badly you want to win...

  
because we won't be settling.

  
You're right. She's perfect.

  
-Ms. Allan?
-Hey, Robert. What's up?

  
I think Ms. Delgado
is looking for you.

  
Is she? Was she nearby?

  
She's in her room.

  
Emma, there you are.

  
-Oh, God, Deb. Hi.
-I know. Isn't it gorgeous?

  
God, I feel so blessed 
to have this body.

  
-You know, I am so late-
-No, Listen. You gotta help me out here.

  
You know the debate team?
-Yeah.

  
I cannot go to the state finals.

  
I mean, children talking
about their little problems.

  
You gotta do it for me.

  
Yeah, Deb, I'm already doing
your late bus patrol...

  
and pep squad and 
your after-school detention.

  
You're the debate team adviser.
I don't think that I should-

  
I do so much.

  
I wish I could just
do the bare minimum.

  
I so admire you for that.

  
Thank you.

  
Anyway, all right, look.
Here's how we'll work it out.

  
-I'll do the debate team-
-Okay, good.

  
If you take my Tuesday
study halls for the rest of the year.

  
-Okay?
-Yeah, that's-No.

  
All right. You owe me, girl.

  
-Get out of the hallway, kids!
-You know why she does this?

  
-You're the best teacher at that school.
-No, I-

  
She's trying to overwork you,
so you crack under pressure.

  
Middle school's a jungle.

  
I don't know. I think she's kind of sad.

  
I mean, she's been divorced,
like, three times.

  
She's way ahead of us.
I mean, where are our divorces?

  
I gotta get married first.

  
God, I hate Daniel!

  
No, Kevin. 
I'm dealing with a crisis.

  
What's your crisis?

  
That's code for
"I don't want to talk to you.''

  
I see. Well, then thank you
for putting me through.

  
I told you those jeans
would look great on you.

  
-They aren't too tight?
-No, no, not at all. But this-

  
Emma, yellow, not your color.

  
Okay? Seriously.
You know what? Try this.

  
Because-you know what? Keep it.

  
It never hung right on me anyway.

  
Of course it doesn't
hang right on you.

  
It's... my size, and it's new.

  
This is the Dolce blouse
I told you about last week.

  
-Liv, I can't.
-Hey, hey. It was on sale.

  
I practically made money on it.
-Liv, it's too much.

  
Emma, just say thank you.

  
-Thank you. It's beautiful. I love it.
-Good.

  
Now this-Emma's stuff.
Let's get rid of it at one point.

  
You moved out, 
like a hundred years ago.

  
-Daniel's sweater? Cardigan? 
-Yeah, love it.

  
Tiffany box.

  
-You're getting engaged?
-I'm getting engaged.

  
-I'm getting engaged!
-You're getting engaged!

  
-Emma-
-No! Stop it. No. Liv!

  
-I have to look.
-Stop it! No! No!

  
No, no!

  
You can't stop me.

  
I'm sorry.

  
But he should see your face
when you first see the ring.

  
Good call.

  
You always think of others, Emma.

  
It never occurs to me like that.

  
I mean, sometimes it does.

  
I'm really happy for you.

  
Promise me you won't tell anyone
until after he proposes.

  
God. I would never.
I'd be out of my mind.

  
I'm engaged!

  
Can we get four tequila shots?
-No. No.

  
No. None for me.

  
-[ Chuckles ] Oh, right.
-I'm fine.

  
Acapulco, 2006-
Emma and Fletcher on a break.

  
"Never talk about that weekend again.''

  
"I'm so lonely and confused,
and very thirsty. Please, Miguel''-

  
Okay, okay, okay.
Make it stop. Please.

  
All right, a toast:

  
To Liv-
Congratulations to an amazing friend.

  
And condolences to Emma,
Liv's maid of honor.

  
She will surely be
the most nightmarish bride ever.

  
It is my burden and mine alone.

  
-I'll be repaying the favor very soon. Cheers.
-Drink up.

  
-What did I rush down here for?
-Nate! I'm getting married.

  
-Get out.
-Yeah.

  
Sister's gettin' married here.

  
-Where's the groom?
-He's not here.

  
He hasn't actually
popped the question yet.

  
A toast-to Daniel...

  
who in his own world
is just working late

  
but I guess in Liv's world
has just proposed.

  
So God bless him for wanting...

  
to spend his life
with my sister in any world.

  
-To Liv.
-We love ya.

  
-He's a lucky guy.
-Yep. The biggest day of a girl's life.

  
I'm gonna be right back.

  
-Damn. Should I?
-I got it.

  
I mean, they didn't get
to see me graduate law school...

  
or read Nate's first story
in New York magazine.

  
So I can't share this with 'em.

  
I wish your parents
could be here too.

  
Whatever. It's fine.

  
Liv, you're only human.

  
You don't have to have it together
every minute of every day.

  
Former chubby girls-
We're made of steel.

  
And Splenda. We survive.

  
First of all, you weren't fat.

  
But, yes, you do survive.

  
-Thanks, Em.
-You're welcome, Liv.

  
You're gonna be
the best maid of honor.

  
-Yes, I am.
-What do we do first?

  
First... I was thinking.

  
It might be a good idea
to actually get the proposal.

  
See? It's that head for details.

  
Yeah, right? I know.

  
Hey, babe? I don't think
they sent us any fortune cookies.

  
No, they sent 'em.
I got them right here.

  
Good.

  
Okay. Here we are.

  
I'm just cuing it up.

  
This guy's gotta go. 
I'm sorry. I know you like him.

  
He's very pitchy.
-Fletch, that is actually a real thing.

  
Pitchy. It's not just code
for someone you don't like.

  
Okay. You're pitchy.

  
That one's mine. Please.

  
You're really calling dibs
on fortune cookies now?

  
-Yeah. It's on the right side.
-Okay, it's fine.

  
If your fortune's better
than mine, I'm claiming it.

  
-I don't think it will be.
-Okay. Are you ready?

  
-One-
-Two.

  
Three.

  
What's this?

  
I put a lot of thought
into where I was gonna do this...

  
and I wanna do it here.

  
This is our home...

  
and if I'm 99 years old and 
we're doing exactly this in our home-

  
TV and gettin' Chinese food-

  
that'll be good enough for me.

  
So, Emma Allan?

  
Will you marry me?

  
Yes.

  
It didn't happen tonight.
But I'm not worried, 

  
'cause I'm sure Daniel's-
-I'm engaged.

  
Fletcher just proposed,
like, two minutes ago.

  
I'm engaged.

  
-Color?
-Colorless.

  
-Cut?
-Brilliant.

  
-Clarity?
-Slightly included.

  
-Carat?
-Almost, maybe just under.

  
More than he could afford, I'm sure.

  
Engaged? Wow!

  
Liv's engaged. You're engaged.

  
Can I call you back?

  
What do you mean Emma's engaged?

  
No. Of course I'm happy.
Why wouldn't I be happy?

  
I think it's great. Yeah.

  
No, you don't have to come here.
I'm fine. I'm not gonna eat anything. Okay.

  
And I have the perfect
wedding present.

  
You are going to live
with Emma and Fletcher.

  
You're irritating me.

  
I can't believe it.

  
It's so weird having this on my finger.
I mean, hey, look.

  
It even sparkles in the rain.
-Blinding.

  
So I'm thinking about getting
DJ Humble to spin at my party.

  
I don't know though. Is that weird?
-You should go for it.

  
-I'm not really a big band kind of girl.
-Whatever.

  
-It's your wedding.
-My mom can't fly up until the wedding.

  
She's too busy with work.
But who cares. I've got you, right?

  
-Yeah. I'm so psyched.
-So would you come with me to meet her?

  
-I'm sorry. What? Meet who?
-Marion St. Claire.

  
Haven't you been listening?
I've got an appointment with her on Friday.

  
-You already made an appointment?
-Yeah.

  
-You just got engaged last night.
-I know.

  
But technically, I'm already behind.

  
You gotta book early
if you want the Plaza.

  
The Plaza? I can't believe this.

  
What's the matter? Why are you mad?

  
I'm not mad. No, not at you.

  
I just don't know
what's taking Daniel so long.

  
God. I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have-

  
We don't have to talk about this.
Let's just drop it.

  
Don't worry about me.
Worry about Daniel.

  
-He's gonna be dead soon.
-Why? What-

  
-Call you later.
-What are you go-

  
Liv, you let him
do this his own way.

  
Excuse me. Excuse me.

  
Excuse me!

  
Honey!

  
Will you just marry me, already?

  
Yeah. Okay.

  
Isn't that what you want?
'Cause it's what I want...

  
and I just wanna know
if you want to marry me.

  
Don't you wanna get married?
-Can we talk about this later?

  
You changed your mind?
I saw the Tiffany box in the closet.

  
Right?

  
Oh, my God.

  
It's not a ring?

  
If it's a key chain
I'm gonna kill myself...

  
and I'm taking you down with me.

  
Could you just tell me
right here and right now?

  
Is it something that you would want?

  
Would you want-
Would you want to get married?

  
You know what I will tell you?

  
I have never met a more obnoxious...

  
complicated, overbearing

  
gorgeous, smart, 
sexy woman in my life.

  
And if you had just 
waited until tonight-

  
then you wouldn't be the woman
I fell in love with...

  
because she doesn't know
how to wait.

  
Will you hold that for a second?
-Yeah.

  
Which is fine, as long as I get
to spend the rest of my life...

  
trying to catch up with her.

  
Liv?

  
Will you marry me?

  
Are you proposing?

  
Really? Honey, 
it's so out of nowhere.

  
-Liv, shut up. Yes or no?
-Yes. Yes.

  
-Babe.
-Yes.

  
-This is not how I planned it.
-Are you kidding?

  
-I love "Bring Your Hot Girlfriend to Work'' day.
-Totally.

  
And that is the journey that brought

  
these two young brides to my townhouse
on that particular afternoon:

  
No. Don't do that.
Not now. Let's go.

  
Okay. I'm good.

  
I'm Marion St. Claire:

  
the most sought-after
wedding planner in Manhattan.

  
Hi. We're Marion's 1:00.

  
We're both getting married,
and we're both each other's maid of honor.

  
No way. That's incredible.

  
Ms. St. Claire will see you now.

  
-Hi. I'm Liv Lerner.
-Hi, Ms. St. Claire. Wow.

  
-This is Emma Allan.
-What an honor.

  
-We've been best friends for a long time.
-I can't believe this.

  
Sit.

  
-Okay.
-Got it.

  
A wedding marks the first day...

  
of the rest of your life.

  
You have been dead until now.

  
Were you aware of that?

  
You're dead right now.

  
-I understand.
-Thank you.

  
Angela, for example, will die dead.

  
Now I've read the brief
that she put together on you-

  
June weddings at the Plaza.

  
So it's not even a remote possibility?

  
If you'd gone elsewhere, not a chance.

  
But you've come to me.


  
Call me dream catcher. I'll answer.

  
Ooh. Dream catcher.

  
I happen to have...

  
-three openings at the Plaza in june:
-[ Typing ]

  
Two the first Saturday...

  
and one the last Saturday.

  
That would be the 6th and the 27 th.

  
My parents' anniversary is the 6th. 
That's so meant to be.

  
-My gosh!
-Yeah.

  
-Then I'll take the 27 th.
-Great.

  
 You'll wanna discuss 
this with your grooms.

  
-No.
-All right then.

  
Just sign and...

  
date these.

  
Feels pretty good right now, 
I gotta say.

  
Now, we should discuss themes.

  
-Elegant minimalism-
-Classic traditionalism-

  
-with romantic textures.
-and trendy infusion.

  
-I'm impressed.
-Really?

  
-We love you so much.
-She means "Thank you.''

  
Your 1:15 is here, Ms. St. Claire.

  
Thank you... so much.

  
I have packets for you up front.

  
Bride to bride, there's only
one June opening left at the Plaza.

  
My God. Thank you.
You are so sweet.

  
Ms. St. Claire, first off,
I'm obsessed with you.

  
it's an honor and a privilege.
-Sit.

  
Sure.

  
June. At the Plaza.

  
Look at them-so blissfully unaware

  
of the implications
of their wedding date:

  
at this point, June was a mere 
three and a half months away-

  
A blink of an eye, in wedding time.

  
Oh, my God.

  
Miss Wang-

  
Lace bodice.

  
Basque waist, 10-layer tulle-

  
You should try it on.

  
No. I'm wearing my mom's dress.

  
Emma, are you sure?

  
Your mom's dress is beautiful,
but is it your dream or hers?

  
It's mine.
I wanna surprise her.

  
But it is your day.

  
Can't you just send her a big box
of chocolates on Mother's Day...

  
and get the dress you want?
-It's really pretty.

  
And I do love strapless.
-Me too.

  
I feel like I'm cheating
on my mom's dress.

  
I can't. I've very comfortable
with my decision.

  
-I'm just gonna put it back. 
-Okay.

  
But I mean, if you like it...

  
you should try it on.
-No. You saw it first.

  
That's a terrible reason.
We're gonna try this on, okay?

  
No, I'm gonna... try it on.

  
It's stunning. It's perfect.

  
I know. Right?

  
I should probably keep looking.

  
Do you think there is something
better than Vera Wang?

  
 Do they keep that next to the something 
that is better than chocolate?

  
Liv, get the dress.
-What if you change your mind?

  
Just be very careful about
any pre-wedding weight gain.

  
You don't alter a Vera to fit you;
you alter yourself to fit Vera.

  
Weight gain. Please.
Yeah. Right. Me lose control?

  
You see these eyes?
You know what that is?

  
Focus. That's right.

  
It's contacts-and focus.

  
You know, I'll take it.
-Perfect.

  
I'll get you more champagne.

  
Marion.

  
A terrible mistake has been made...

  
one I assure you
has never happened before...

  
in the House of St. Claire.

  
Your weddings have been
booked on the same day.

  
Can you say that again?
I'm sorry. What?

  
Your weddings
have been scheduled for the same date.

  
-Mother "F.''
-Are you insane?

  
The Plaza is our lifelong dream.

  
Angela... mixed up the dates.

  
You are now both set
to be married June 6...

  
and the other bride on June 27.

  
The next available date
at the Plaza is June 15-

  
-Perfect. I'll take it.
-Three years from now.

  
-This is no-
-No, I can't-

  
It's no problem.
Hold on. It's no problem.

  
Because I'll negotiate it.
I negotiate for a living.

  
I'll get the other bride
to switch her dates with you.

  
Trust me.
You can't say no to that face.

  
Our confidentiality agreement

  
means that I cannot tell you 
who she is...

  
So which one of you 
will choose a different venue?

  
I'm leaving right now, Ms St. Claire.

  
Word to the wise, dear-
and also to you-

  
do not use me as a reference.

  
Hello, Angela.

  
Just tell us where the other bride is
and nobody's gonna get hurt.

  
-Hi.
-Hello, Stacy.

  
-How are you?
-It's Emma and Liv.

  
-You look gorgeous.
-Did you lose weight?

  
You want me to change
the date of my wedding?

  
-Yeah.
-That'd be great.

  
-No.
-You take the 6th, give me the 27 th-

  
She can be your wedding buddy.

  
-I'm a ball. Really. I am.
-Don't touch me.

  
Let's talk numbers.

  
Every wedding has a price, hon.
What's yours?

  
You can't buy me. So again, no.

  
No, no, no. A thousand times, no.

  
Good luck, ladies.

  
There's something wrong with you.

  
You're not leaving
until you change your-

  
She's crazyI

  
-Just change your date.
-Somebody call Security.

  
-You won't even change your date!
-You're crazy!

  
It's unnecessary for you 
to touch me so hard.

  
-Have a nice day.
-Whatever.

  
We could sue.
You're a lawyer. We could sue 'em all.

  
We could sue the Plaza, 
Marion, Angela-

  
What's the point?
None of them are gonna make it right.

  
No. It's up to us.
I want you at my wedding.

  
And whichever way this works out...

  
one of us will just have
to be married on a different day.

  
Absolutely.
I want you at my wedding.

  
Obviously. If we can't
think of any other way out of this...

  
one of us will simply
have to be flexible.

  
Yeah. One of us will just
have to change venues.

  
Right. One of us could.

  
Probably, not the one of us 
who's been saving up for a decade...

  
because she makes a pittance
compared to the other one of us, but-

  
True. I mean, or it would be...

  
if the other one of us wasn't
so desperate to get married at the Plaza...

  
because the Plaza, practically, is the only
happy memory she has of her childhood.

  
-So, that's-
-Right.

  
One of us will have to move her date.
-Yep.

  
One of us will.

  
And until one of us decides, 
we shouldn't make any concrete plans.

  
Agreed. There's some time
before we lock things in.

  
Let's just not do anything-
-Right.

  
-Until one of us moves her date.
-Okay.

  
Talk to you soon.
One of us should-

  
Call the other one.

  
One of us hasn't called me yet,
but you know what?

  
She's gonna move her date. 

  
She always was the bendy one, 
even as a kid, remember?

  
Yeah, she didn't sound
too bendy to me.

  
I called Fletch, and she picked up.

  
He's doin' my taxes tomorrow night.

  
You can't get all buddy-buddy
with him. Not now.

  
Anyway, Daniel can do your taxes.
He's "financey.''

  
It's a hedge fund, babe.
We don't do a lot of tax prep.

  
You do our taxes.

  
Fletch has been my accountant
for six years. I'm going.

  
You're being ridiculous.
Just have a double wedding.

  
What are we, 
41 year-old twin sisters?

  
Babe! Double wedding.

  
A double wedding: 
I think that's a great idea.

  
It would be a hell of a party.
-You know, no.

  
I've shared everything 
my whole life with Liv.

  
I'd kinda like my own day,
just once.

  
I know, bug. Is this everything?
This is all your gas receipts-

  
Threw it all in the shoe box.
I don't know.

  
It's my dream too, 
to get married at the Plaza.

  
I have been saving since I was 16.

  
I just need a few more days
to let it go:

  
I'll find a new dream.
Liv's reasons are better than mine.

  
It's like American Idol, all right?

  
Liv is the Simon. God.

  
I mean, no offense.
But you're the Paula.

  
Even when they can't sing,
you compliment their outfit:

  
It's nice.
-But everyone listens to Simon.

  
I wouldn't marry Simon.
I'd marry me some Paula.

  
That's nice.
-Just pick one. I'm fine with any of'em.

  
That's why I need a maid of honor.
You don't care.

  
You wanna have her
back in the game?

  
You know what you're gonna have to do,
and the sooner the better.

  
We need to give our guests some notice.
-Exactly.

  
Which is why save-the-dates
are so key, but you don't care.

  
-It's not that I don't care.
-Get your phone then.

  
-Hello?
-Men.

  
Yo, Fletch. No, nothin' much.
Just lookin' at save-the-dates or invites.

  
Are we still on for tomorrow?
-Yeah, totally.

  
Any sign of progress on your end?
Is Liv softening at all?

  
No way. And there's no way
she's gonna blink first.

  
They haven't spoken for a week:

  
that's a century in girl years.

  
What is it about weddings
that makes 'em so worked up?

  
I know. I have no idea.

  
It's, like, the wrong time to let
the guy know that you're crazy.

  
It's not how I'd play it.
-Yeah.

  
Yyou know what? She's here now.

  
I'll see you tomorrow?
-All right.

  
Hey.

  
Hi, sweetie.
-Hi.

  
-How was pep squad?
-I hate pep squad.

  
I particularly hate
peppy teenage girls...

  
who insist everyone be aggressive-
B.E. aggressive.

  
It's, like, there are other pathways in life
besides aggression, you know?

  
I'm gonna call Liv.

  
-Really?
-Yeah.

  
Amie and Marissa are
throwing us that joint shower...

  
and it'd be good to have all this
behind us by then. Right?

  
-You sure?
-Yeah.

  
I agree. I was just talkin' to Daniel. 
She's on her cell.

  
You should call her. They're out
doin' their save-the-dates or whatever.

  
-What?
-You should hit her up.

  
You have to know your "date'' date...

  
to send out your save-the-dates.

  
We were both gonna wait, and...

  
I can't believe it.

  
You can't believe this?
Really? It's Liv.

  
She's always thinking about number one.
-No.

  
Not this time. No.

  
I am a bride too. Okay?

  
I'm number one too.

  
You are my number one.
I know. That's how I feel.

  
Bug, what are you doing?

  
-Subject-
-Listen. No.

  
Emergency. This is not spam.

  
-I'm getting married, June 6-
-You don't have to slam on the keys.

  
The Plaza Hotel. Be there.
X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O. Emma.

  
Address book. B.C.C. everyone.

  


Special thanks to SergeiK.