Voila! Finally, the Camilla
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Bridget Fonda and
Jessica Tandy movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Camilla. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
§§[Orchestra]
§§[Solo Violin, Orchestra Continues][Woman] Have you ever heardthe Brahms Violin Concerto?
God, it's gorgeous. Brahms, you know, was hopelesslyin love with Clara Schumann. But he was also her husband'sbest friend, so...
So he never said a wordto Claire. Maybe that's whythe Violin Concerto's so beautiful. Maybe that's whyit's such a bitch to play.
§§[Mid-Tempo Rock]§§ [Continues]
- [Car Horn Honking]
- [Man] Freda?
- §§ [Stops]
- Freda! [Car Engine Idling]
- Yeah?
- You comin' or what?
Yeah.
[Woman]
Where ya goin'?
- [Man] Savannah.
- [Freda] Georgia.
What do you do for a livin'?
Bohemian artistes, Offıcer.
- We're in graphic arts.
- He's in graphic arts. I'm not in graphic arts. [Woman]What do you do, ma'am?
Uh, I-I'm a...
composer.
- What? I am.
- You make it sound like
you're Beethoven or somethin'.
Move on through, please.
[Children Talking, Laughing]
[Man] That last one of his
was so weird, no one went.
They work for us, Stanley. Make the call. Just make the call.
[Man] Unless the rental guy
in Toronto lied...
- I think this is the place.
- Ohh.
Ohh!
Oh, Vince!
It's magnifıcent!
It is. I mean, the only thing wrong
with this magnifıcent house...
is that we're not staying in it;
our landlords live there.
That's where we're staying.
Oh, well, it's...
it's semi-magnifıcent.
Sure, it's historical.
It's the servants quarters.
Servants quarters. I like that.
I know. I'll be the maid,
you be the lusty gardener.
- Aw, shit, I wanted to be the maid.
- Well, you can't.
'Cause I'm the maid.
- I'm the maid.
- [Laughing]
Got the outfıt.
Wait a minute.
You go in there and I'll be the...
[Chuckles]
- [Creaking]
- Oh! [Grunting]
Spend the money, Vince.
Fix the brakes.
Ohh.
[Car Approaches, Engine Stops]
- Be careful with that, Harold.
- Ma, ever since I'm a little boy...
every time I go near this damn fıddle,
you tell me to be careful with it.
- It is not a fıddle.
- Violin.
- [Vince] Yeah, it sounds great.
- You think?
I was thinking about,
when we got back...
I was thinking about
starting a big band.
Horns, violin maybe.
You know.
Right. Right.
I don't know.
[Laughs]
I mean, do you think... do you think I
could do it? Think I could do the moves?
You can't just stand there when
you're fronting a band, you know.
You've gotta really
be able to move.
Hey, let me tell you, when I
fırst saw you in that band...
I never even noticed
the lead singer.
I mean, there you were, you were
standing there in the shadows...
- Playing that weird thing...
- [Laughs] Flute!
- What is so weird about a flute?
- [Stammers]
And I remember thinking,
who is that beautiful girl?
[Laughs]
Wait. What is this?
- What?
- Am I on This Is Your Life...
or did you want sex
or something like that?
- No way. [Giggles]
- Freda Lopez, this is your...
Did you say something
about sex?
Well, come here. Come here.
Come here, come here.
[Both Laughing]
- Wait a minute, Vince. Vince. Vince.
- What?
- We can't... We can't... We can't do this.
- There's nobody around.
No, Vince. We can't.
We can't.
We don't have a thing.
What do you want me to do, go all the
way back to the house and get one?
Come on.
Vince. See, I don't
wanna get pregnant.
Right.
Right.
§§[Violin, Faint]
§§[Continues, Louder]
- [Knocking]
- §§[Stops]
Yes. What do you want?
Oh. Uh, I'm your neighbor.
I know who you are.
You're the young couple.
Uh, well,
I-I heard some music.
Come into the house.
Come in.
"Camilla Cara, Brahms,
Winter Garden, May st."
Hey, that's in Toronto.
Yes.
I stepped onto the stage.
There was absolute silence.
I took a deep breath...
placed my bow on the strings...
and abandoned myself to the muse.
I came to...
in the middle of a -minute
standing ovation.
Wow.
You know, they opened that
place again, the Winter Garden.
Fixed it all up just like it was.
It's really nice.
I have heard that a young man committed
suicide after that concert.
But I don't know that
for certain.
People are so prone
to exaggeration.
I'm a musician. Been in a lot of groups.
Backup. Uh, but I've been working,
you know, on, on my own stuff.
I was thinking of putting together
a band with horns, strings...
You know, the whole deal, backup singers, everything.
So that I could be the front man,
you know; do some of my stuff.
And then I thought, no.
You know, performing
can be a real drag.
You know? Touring is
a major pain in the butt.
But there's no feeling
that approaches it.
The audience stares at you,
silent and expectant.
You draw out a single note...
and you give life
to sprites and goblins.
But... don't you get,
you know, frightened?
I am the great Camilla.
They are peasants.
- Well, I wish I had your attitude.
- Help yourself.
I shall show you
the music room.
It used to be Ivor's writing room,
but Ivor died.
- Ivor being...
- My husband.
Harold's sire.
- He was a writer?
- Oh, yes!
A famous novelist.
He wrote about mindless sylphs
with no underpants on.
Ivor's oeuvre. Under The Yellow Sun. [Sighs]Wonderful. Wonderful! A missionary in Chinafalls in love with a nurse. They have a childout of wedlock.
A Chinese warlord steals the baby
and raises him as his own.
Sounds good.
Piece of dung.
And he also wrote extensivelyon the subject of hothouse flowers. OrchidsBy Indirect Sunlight.
Mmm.
A bit dry.
[Camilla]Well, we must work on that.
Sit down.
I'm afraid
I'm not very good.
I've never taken a real
lesson or anything.
Yes, yes, yes,
you're taking a lesson now.
Give it a bash.
Oooh! [Laughs]
§ How would you like
your steaks done §
- I told you, I don't want one.
- Uh...
These are good steaks!
Good steaks.
Vince, when I was growing up my
only friends were my father's cows.
- I know that's really
kinda sad, but it's true.
- No.
And it just occurred to me the other
day... I've been devouring them.
- You know, it's probably
not the same cow.
- No, it's probably not.
But how can I be sure?
See, I think the safest thing to do
is to just give it up altogether.
- You're a strange girl, Freda.
- Oh, thank you.
Is this true, Freda?
Are you a strange girl?
- [Laughs]
- [Chuckles Nervously]
A barbecue.
Oh, my goodness,
I remember barbecues.
The Raja of Lumpur had
the most magnifıcent barbecue.
A pit was dug feet deep...
and the animals, you see,
were chased through the forest.
Hundreds of animals.
They were chased,
and they tumbled into the pit.
And then, you see, the servants
fılled the pit with leaves and twigs...
and huge,
great logs of wood.
And the whole thing
was set ablaze.
It burned all night, and with
the morning came the great feast.
Weren't there any h-hair and teethand bones and stuff like that?
Well, I wouldn't know.
I myself do not eat meat.
I don't believe the human body
is capable of dealing with meat.
Ohh. Mine is.
- [Harold] Ma!
- Oh, here comes my son.
Pay no attention to him.
He's a buffoon and a thief.
Look, Harold,
we're having a barbecue.
- Ma, are you bothering these people?
- I'm not bothering these people.
- She bothering you?
- She's not bothering us at all.
- No.
You know you're not supposed
to be eating steak, Ma.
What are you eating steak for?
I am not eating steak!
- Sorry. We thought...
- No, no, no, it's good thatyou're using my barbecue.
- My name is Harold Cara.
- Vince Lopez.
- That's my wife Freda.
- Mrs. Lopez. Nice to meet you.
- Freda.
- Freda.
- So, this is, this is
my place. I-I own this.
- It's very nice.
- Thank you.
- Would you care for some steak?
- No, no, don't trouble yourself.
- No trouble at all.
- It's on there. It's ready.
- No, no, no, really.
- How would you like it done?
- All right, I'll have
a little one. Rare.
Rare. I think it's al...
I think it's done.
And you know, I love...
I love Being There.
I love Peter Sellers in Being There.
I thought that was great.
Oh, yeah. I-I actually found
that fılm very pretentious.
- Oh, yeah?
- In a way, yeah.
Oh, well, I loved it.
I thought it was great.
So, what sort of fılms
do you make?
Well, uh, for example,
[Swallows]
the last fılm that I made
dealt with, uh...
a speculative view
of the future...
as it pertains
to human sexuality.
- Oh. Wow. That's...
- Yeah.
- Well, what's it called?
- Space Bunnies.
My son tells me you're a Canadian.
Is this true, Vincent?
Yes. Yeah.
And is the city ofToronto still all
abuzz about the performance I gave...
playing the Brahms
Violin Concerto...
whilst my boobs threatened to pop
out of a scandalously low-cut gown?
[Laughs]
[Laughs] Camilla, then.
That is... Th-That...
Camilla. That's sort of
an unusual name, isn't it?
I was named for
Camilla St. Pierre...
one of the great whores
of all time.
Oh.
And I don't think that there's anything
wrong with low budget fılms.
- I mean...
- Mm-hmm.
But if you're gonna scrimp
on the marketing level...
then I think that you yourself are
calling these fılms cheap. You know?
Where the hell you get
that stuff from?
Well, I think it's common sense.
The technical aspects
verge on impossibility.
For years and years I practiced...
and fınally my fıngers
tamed the notes.
Then came the hard part:
to make them sing.
Maybe it's time
to hit the hay, hmm?
- Uh, but Mrs. Cara was
in the middle of a story.
- Oh, go along, dear.
It doesn't matter. I'm always
in the middle of a story.
All right.
Well, good night.
Good night.
- Good night.
- Good night.
[Harold]Lopez!
- It's Cara!
- Hey, how you doin'?
- How are ya?
- Good. How are you?
- Good! Come have a beer with me.
- Well, maybe some other time.
No. Carpe diem. Carpe Diem.
That's right.
That was that movie, right?
That Robin Williams thing.
The, uh, The Dead something.
What movie? It's Latin.
It means seize the day by the balls.
- It means have a beer
with Harold. Come on.
- I gotta hurry; I appreciate it.
Never be in a hurry. Come on, I'm buying. I'm a friggin'millionaire.
Come on, one beer.
Come on.
All right, one beer.
- But I'm buyin'.
- All right.
§§[Continues]
Freda! Hey.
After I've told you
what I'm about to tell you...
I want you to pause, okay?
Pause and reflect.
Harold's offered me a tryout.
Film posters.
I get to plan
the whole campaign!
- That's great.
- Yeah.
Anyway, Harold's really
anxious to get started.
§§[Guitar]He's flying back to Atlanta todayto start his next movie.
§§[Continues]
Why aren't you
getting ready?
Getting ready for what?
We're leavin'.
- For Toronto.
- What?
This campaign is an opportunityof a lifetime. And you knowwhat this means, Frede? A bigger, brighter futureawaits Vincent Lopez!
You sound like a business seminar,
Vince. What happened?
Well, what do you mean, Frede?
Don't you remember?
I mean...
you used to paint me...
playing the guitar naked.
I'd be writing a song about youpainting me. Remember?
Sure. I remember.
I'm staying.
By yourself?
By myself. Some people live their
whole lives by themselves.
I think I can handle
a couple of weeks.
What are you gonna do here
by yourself?
I'm going to work
on my music.
Going to compose.
Freda, I don't want
to hurt your feelings...
but you know
what your music is.
It's... It's your hobby.
And you don't have
to be here to do it.
Now, I got a job that... It's something
that I can get excited about.
So I'm going to Toronto.
- Okay, fıne.
- Right, and you're coming with me.
- Why?
- Because that's the way it works.
But it doesn't work!
[Car Horn Honking]Freda's going to stay. I'll leave the carhere for her.
I'll go with you
to the airport.
I'm glad that your wife is staying.
- She can keep an eye on my mother.
- Sure.
Because my mother is not
exactly Miss Cogency.
§§[Guitar]§§ [Continues]
[Applause, Cheering][Emcee] And now, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Freda Lopez.
- Hi.
- [People Chattering]
Good evening.
This is, um, a song
that I wrote.
It's a new song. I-I, um, I just
fınished it, uh, yesterday...
- But I haven't practiced it.
- [Woman] Sing it today, girl!
- Louder!
- Yeah, yeah! Good idea!
- Uh, okay. Is that better?
- [Laughing, Talking Continues]
Okay. Here we go.
[Woman] Go on, girl. § Got a letter
from a messenger §§ I read it when it came §§ It said that you were wounded §[Talking, Laughing Gets Louder]
- § You were bound and chained §
- [Man] Excuse me! § You had loved
and you were handled §§ You were poisoned
You were pained §
- Lighten up, won't ya? [Laughs]
- § Oh, no §
- § Oh, no §
- [Man] We want Magnolia! § You were naked
You were shamed §§[Men Chanting] We want Magnolia! We want Magnolia!
- [Chanting Continues]
- Miss Magnolia! Miss Magnolia!
- Calm down! Miss Magnolia
on the bagpipes!
- [Cheering]
§§[Whale Singing]
§§[Violin]
- §§[Whale Singing Continues]
- §[Violin Continues]
- [Creaking]
- [Pulling Hand Brake][Knock At Door]
- [Door Opens]
- Come in, dear girl, come in.
Uh, it's late.
I don't wanna disturb you.
- You probably want to
go to bed or something.
- I've been to bed.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
So, uh, what have you
been up to tonight?
You know what I did?
I went down to that club.
That sort of, uh...
You know that hoot...
club... place?
And, um... And things
didn't go too well.
Let us drink liquor.
I think...
I have some sherry.
I've been partial to sherry...
ever since the Duke of Nottingham
used it as a tool of seduction.
The ensuing experience
put me right off dukes...
but I'm fond of the stuff.
It's good.
[Liquor Pouring]
People don't want music.
You know what they want?
They want entertainment.
And...
And you have to ask yourself...
do you wanna be
an entertainer?
I mean...
you don't have to play
in front of people.
You know?
And then,
if you don't get it right...
if it's just not... perfect...
they turn on you.
I lied to you, dear.
- Hmm?
- About that famous concert.
By implying that the glory
sprang solely from my genius.
I did, of course, play upon the
most magnifıcent instrument...
a violin that had been made
especially for me.
Hey, you won't believe this.
The Brahms
Violin Concerto...
The Brahms! The exquisite,
the transcendent.
But this is the unbelievable part...
guess where it's playing.
I was supposed to have met
my lover after that concert...
but something
went dreadfully wrong.
I never saw him again.
What were you saying, dear?
The Winter Garden theater in Toronto. That's where it's playing.
Let's go to the concert,
me and you.
I'm not certain
that Harold will let me.
Well, screw...
you know, Harold.
Oh, absolutely.
He's a swindler.
But w-who would take care
of my plants?
Yeah, you're right.
I guess it is
a fairly stupid idea.
I just thought it might
work out, you know.
Could go back to Toronto; I could turn
myself in; you could hear the Brahms.
Take a little trip.
Do you think... we could
go to Niagara Falls?
Sure, I don't see why not.
It's on the way.
I love waterfalls.
I've seen them all.
Victoria Falls,
the Angel Falls...
the mighty Peruvian
Quilabamba.
But one of the ironies of my life
is that I have never seen...
I've reconsidered.
I shall indeed take you
to hear the Brahms.
Good.
Bottoms up.
[Chuckles]
I'm ready!
[Dialing]
[Phone Ringing][Ringing Continues][Ringing Continues]
If only Harold
could see me now.
- What? Harold doesn't
know where you are?
- Of course he does.
I meant, if only Harold
could see me as I am now...
footloose and fancy free.
No, no. It's not that
I'm worried so much;
it's just that she might be
laying on the kitchen floor.
So, Vince, next time you're
talking to your wife, tell her
to go and check on my mother.
- What do you mean, you haven't
talked to her? Talk to her!
- [Dial Tone]
[Boat Horn Blowing]
- You sure this is a short cut?
- Of course it is.
I've picked up a few tricks
in my travels around the globe.
If you see a ferry, take it.
Welcome aboard the Seraph,
ladies and gentlemen.
This is your captain, Captain Gravlands speakin'.
Our voyage across takes
approximately seven minutes.
We ask at this time that you extinguish
all smoking materials...
and make sure that the parking brake
on your automobile is securely engaged.
- [Hawking]
- What was that?
- [Spits]
- Something about parking brakes.
- [Creaking]
- Shit!
Oh, God.
[Gurgling][Captain]There's some hard luck for ya.
[Whispering] Motherfucking,
cocksucking son of a fucking bitch.
I beg your pardon, dear.
Well, I cursed.
I cursed.
Now I'm going to say...
- Bastard!
- Bastard!
I'm referring to Vince,
because this is his fault.
Because he insists on keepingthat piece of shit car eventhough the garage guy says...
the braking system is
"irredeemable."
But, no, in this one area
of his life, he is sentimental.
And because of that, all of my
shit is at the bottom of the
sea, and it's his fault!
- His fault!
- We'll get this all sorted out.
There's no need to tell the police
or my supervisor...
or any such
bureaucratic bastard.
The only thing that course
of action'll do is put an
apple in old Jerry's butt...
- and roast it up for supper.
- Wait a second.
Just... Just wait.
Just wait.
[Freda]Guess none of that stuff floats, huh? I wouldn't think so. So, here's my plan.
- I'll take you back to my place.
- Perhaps we can hire deep sea divers.
- Never mind.
- Never mind?
- Never mind. When things
sink, they're sunk. Right?
- My point exactly.
Things sink. That's not my fault.
No one's fault, all right?
I'll take you back to my place,
we'll get it sorted out there.
That's the least I can do,
take you home with me.
After all, I suppose if
I'd put on the padlock...
Padlock?
§§["Born To Be Wild"by Steppenwolf]
You're sure there isn't a bus
to Savannah until tomorrow morning.
- No fuss.
- No, not "fuss. "
Bus. Bus!
§ Get your motor runnin'§
§Head out on the highway §
§Lookin'for adventure §§
This is your place?
No, ma'am.
But they let the hotel staff
live here in the off season.
It's nice.
§§[Piano]
No one home. Had to leave
a message on the machine.
Still, I hope you gave him
a royal earful.
Oh, defınitely.
§§ [Continues]
[Jerry] Hey, y'all,
you got company.
Greetings, citizens.
Ladies and gentlemen, our flying timefrom Toronto to Atlanta... will be approximatelytwo hours and thirty minutes.
I'm sorry you had to
wait around in the airport...
- But Toronto's a lot farther
away than Atlanta.
- I reserved a Cadillac.
What do I get?
A dinky toy.
- I'll see if Freda's around.
- Yeah, okay.
Ma, Ma,
you're drivin' me nuts.
Are you hiding again, Ma?
- [Freda Laughing]
- [Laughing]
- Allow me to introduce
my young companion.
- Camilla.
She has toured extensively throughout
North America and the Continent...
with the famous group
The Backups.
She has composed
many well-known songs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the famous Freda.
I'm not famous.
Many of Freda's songs
are the result...
of her bitter and tragic love affair
with a handsome artist, Vincent.
- Vince is my husband.
- Play us one of those songs, dear.
What? No!
The great Camilla shall accompany you
on the violin.
Let us play for the people.
[Whispers] Right?
§§[Continues]
§§[Piano Continues]§§ [Tempo Livens]
§§[Finishes][People Clapping]
My mom's run away
from home.
[Sighs] She's fınally
gone and done it.
She's gonna be home
any minute. Okay?
No. When my mother
is not in a house...
I get very nervous.
Soon I'm gonna have
an anxiety attack.
Do you know what to do if
I have an anxiety attack?
You make me breathe
into a paper bag.
[Laughs]
[Harold]I'm calling the police.
So, I was okay?
"Okay" is a word to use if someone asks
you if you want a second cup of coffee.
It is not a word to apply
to a musical performance.
You tell me
how you were, girl.
I was... magnifıcent.
Well, naturally. You're
an accomplished performer.
Oh, please, I'm not
an accomplished anything...
least of all a performer.
If you hadn't been there,
I wouldn't...
Well, I guess
it doesn't matter.
" Her bitter and tragic love affair
with the handsome artist, Vincent."
[Both Laugh]
That's good.
Hey, it's not that tragic.
It's fairly tragic, I'd say.
I married Ivor
when I was .
He died when I was .
The arithmetic eludes me...
but that's a goddamned long time
to be locked in a loveless marriage.
I don't think Vince and I
have a loveless marriage.
Oh.
That's what you don't think.
Well, you keep
telling yourself that.
It seems to help.
[Sighs]
Hey!
Jerry tells me there's a huge school
of bluefısh going by.
Isn't that lucky?
Oh.
You wanted to hurry back
to Savannah, didn't you?
- No big rush.
- Oh!
A Texas gate.
What is the purpose
of this arrangement?
- To keeps the cows from
going out to sea, I suppose.
- Huh?
- Say I'm a cow.
- Right you are.
[Grunting, Moaning]
See, that's the thing about cows...
they're cautious.
They won't break their legs or anything,
but yet they won't go over it.
Isn't that silly of them.
Clever little things.
Wasn't too much to ask.
It's a simple procedure.
I said I was sorry.
The kitchen is full
of paper bags.
I didn't realize you were having
an anxiety attack, okay?
- [People Talking]
- Suddenly I turn bright red.
I start panting, sweat comes pouring
from my eyeballs.
You don't recognize these
as symptoms of distress?
Look, my wife
is missing, all right?
- I got my own problems.
- [Engine Revving]The cops were right. It is your dumb car.
- [Howard] Who is in charge here?
- I am!
- Who is in charge?
- Right here.
- You're the person in charge?
- Offıcer Kapur.
- I'm Harold Cara.
- Pleased to meet you.
- I'm Vince Lopez.
- Yes, Mr... Ah. Yes.
So, you guys putting together
any kind of search party?
Why, say, Mr. Lopez,
that's a very good idea.
Tell me... lf, God forbid,
they drowned...
would the bodies
wash up onshore or...
Eventually, yes.
But I don't think it's likely anyone
in that car drowned.
- Ah! Provided they could swim.
- My mother can swim.
- Good.
- F-Freda could swim.
If you want me to, I will
go organize us a posse.
- No, it is not a posse.
It is a search party.
- Of course, Mr. Lopez.
- A search party. Come.
- Okay.
- [Speaking Hindi]
- Do you want us to
follow you in the car?
Certainly,
if you have one.
You're gonna want to let the line go
when the rod's at about one o'clock.
How would you know?
My dad used to take me fıshing
when he wasn't farming.
Very well.
[Laughs] You know, one time
when I was a little girl...
I tried to set
all his cows free.
[Laughs] Freda, the great
bovine emancipator!
No, but seriously, I let 'em out of the barn,
I let 'em out all over,
from all over the stock pens;
herded 'em up from
all over the property.
Almost worked, but I couldn't
get 'em over the Texas gate.
Stupid cows.
Well, why didn't you...
- [Reel Spinning]
- Oh! Eureka!
Eureka?
[Laughs]
I've never heard that one before!
That's good!
You don't think this search party
is a good idea, do ya?
Frankly, no, Mr. Lopez. See,
very few people are actually lost.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, Mr. Lopez...
is it possible your wife
is running away from you?
- No.
- You have a perfect marriage, Mr. Lopez? Well, come on. What's that simple?
- Can anyone say they have
a perfect marriage?
- I can.
Hey, y'all!
I say I love saying that.
Hey, y'all, check out
the old culvert. Yeah.
Climb all the way down into
the muck and the crap...
and just see if you can't come up
with this fellow's wife.
Forget it!
Never mind.
Right.
Come, Mr. Cara.
Let's go to the station.
§ Ta-dah §My goodness!
What a big fısh he is!
It's probably a she.
In the fıshy kingdom,
it's the females that get big.
Let her go.
Okay. Put the rod down
and give me some slack.
[Laughs]
Oh.
What are you doing?
Going for a dip!
Shouldn't we
be doing something?
I mean,
my wife is missing.
Mr. Lopez, now, I've thought this
through. This course of action is best.
Didn't you hear what Offıcer Kapur said?
He's thought this through.
Gentlemen, the answer
to all our needs.
Now, with this machine...
we can interface with every law
enforcement agency in the country.
- Good.
- Yes. Now where did I put
the instruction manual?
- [Camilla] It wasa grand Russian tour.
- [Woman] Uh-huh. Well, I see that story will haveto wait. We must de-bus.
- Good-bye, Camilla.
- Farewell, all.
- And safe passage!
- Come on, Camilla,
let's go get some grub.
§§[Jukebox: "Jolie Louise"by Daniel Lanois]
You go on, dear.
- Right. What should I order you?
- A cheeseburger.
And hold the onions.
§§[Continues]
That's right, son. That's what
all the secrecy's about.
We have money down there.
Oh, wow.
[People Talking]
- Excuse me.
- Yes?
Um, could my friend and I sit here?
There are no free tables.
Oh, absolutely.
I insist. Please.
Thanks. Good book?
Uh, not bad. The author is not
% clear on all of his facts.
But then again,
who is, really?
That's true.
Oh.
- Well done.
- This is my friend Camilla Cara.
The Camilla Cara.
Oh, yes, yes.
Uh, and I'm Hunt Weller.
- Charmed.
- Freda Lopez.
Yes.
Gandhi. Oh!
Light enemas.
- I beg your pardon?
- One of Gandhi's little quirks.
Liked to give them
to his close friends.
But I refused.
" No, no, Mahatma."
Let's eat.
Yes, of course.
[Clears Throat]
Uh, bon appetit.
Vince, why don't you phone home and
fınd out if your wife left a message.
Good idea.
How do I do that?
- I'm gonna call my service.
- Forgot my access code.
I've got people I can talk to;
I appreciate the human touch.
Okay, Cara here.
Ready.
Shoot.
Jerry or Stanley Rose?
Well, you have to ask!
You have to ask!
Okay, okay, okay, okay!
Anything else?
KME Films? Okay.
Yeah.
My mother's been...
Is this a joke?
My mother's been kidnapped.
- Oh, no, Mr. Cara.
- [Whimpering]
[Panting]
Here, here.
[Breathing
Heavily]
It'll be all right, Mr. Cara,
it'll be all right.
- What else did they say?
- That they would call later.
- What about Freda? Did they
say anything about Freda?
- No.
§§[Jukebox Continues]
- Mr. Weller...
- Oh, please. Hunt.
Hunt.
Would you happen to know if there's
a train station around here?
I've afraid we've mislaid
our peculiar automobile.
Oh, dear.
Which way are you headed?
[Together]
North.
Ah, well,
I myself am headed north.
Let me pop off and, uh,
get us a car.
- §§[Radio: Country]
- [Camilla] Unlike myself...
Freda got very tired of touring.
Every day a new city. So...
Okay.
So... So I decided to do
a little recording.
I thought I wanted to do
some simple stuff, you know.
Just four-track,
grass roots kind of thing.
- Bass, piano.
- Bass and piano.
- Yeah.
- [Chuckles]
So many people
send me tapes...
and when I hear that instrumentation,
I think retro. You know?
People send you tapes?
My staff weeds out
the real dross.
I only listen to the best of it, and
none of it's much good, quite frankly.
Oh. So, um, you're a...
- What, you're a,
a producer or something?
- [Laughs]
"A producer or something."
- I love it.
- Wou... Would I...
- Would I have heard of you?
- Yes, of course.
I imagine you'd appreciate
a cup of tea, ma'am.
I would indeed, young man.
So be it.
Here we are.
[Officer Kapur] Mr. Lopez!
Mr. Lopez, what do you think your wife's
involvement in all this might be?
She masterminded it.
She's a criminal genius.
Why the sarcasm, Mr. Lopez?
My wife and I had a fıght.
Freda and I had a fıght.
I guess I was being my, uh...
usual dumb-ass self,
which is nothing unusual.
But this time she went.
I mean, uh... I mean, she stayed.
And then she left. Right?
So...
So I don't know
if she's in Georgia...
or if she's in Toronto...
or somewhere in between.
I've lost my wife, Kapur.
This is a song I composed whilst living
in Paris with my husband.
Ex-husband.
He was a famous painter.
He died of tuberculosis, I'm afraid.
Good.
§ You break my heart §§ As you break your heart §
§And the trouble starts §
§Again §
§ The well gets deeper §§ The slide gets steeper §§ I can see where it ends §§ If I §§ Could give you anything §§ I... §§
Is something wrong, dear?
Mr. Weller...
is this your home?
Oh, no, of course not. I abhor these
Scottish baronial monstrosities.
Whose house is it?
Couldn't say.
- Come on, Camilla, we have to go.
- I haven't fınished my tea!
- Come on.
- Oh!
- I forgot my umbrella!
- Forget your umbrella. I did forget my umbrella!
You're not mad at me, are you, dear?
No, I'm not mad at you.
I'm mad at that lunatic.
Well, he was not without
a certain charm.
Camilla, he stole a car!
He broke into somebody's home,
and he probably needed us for
a Satanic ritual or something.
And, on top of all of that...
he pretended he was some famous, bloody,
high and mighty record producer.
Well?
- Well what?
- Isn't that what you wanted him to be?
I wished I smoked. Then at times
like this, I could smoke.
I know what you mean.
Standing around like an asshole,
it's nice to be able to smoke.
But why would anyone want to kidnap
my mother? I don't understand!
- Why would anyone want to kidnap her?
- [Phone Rings]
Yes. Yes, this is he.
Ready.
A violin case, okay.
Forty-seven.
Forty-seven?
Uh-huh.
Oh. Oh, the Winter Garden
in Toronto.
Oh, what a surprise.
Oh, that's a nice touch.
All right, the next time
you get a call from Mr. Rose...
you fınd out if it's
Jerry or Stanley!
- What?
- Oh, this is, this is real,
real cloak and dagger stuff.
We put $
in a violin case...
go to Toronto, go to the
Winter Garden Friday night...
check the fıddle,
hide the ticket...
in this particular statue.
Oh, brother.
Oh, Jesus Christ!
That's it! She's goingto a nursing home.
§I'm goin'up the countryBaby, don't you wanna go §
§I'm goin'up the countryBaby, don't you wanna go §
§I'm goin'to someplacewhere I never been before §§
Forty-seven thousand.
As if this is a number that
kidnappers pick out of thin air.
- Forty-seven thousand.
- Forty-seven thousand.
Yeah, my mother's got
this thing, that, that...
about $ .
Years ago I sold my parents' house
in Toronto.
- Ah, you sold the house.
- Yeah.
And ever since then, she's got this
thing that I owe her $ .
- You sold the house you...
That you were raised in?
- Yeah.
Well, don't look at me like that!
My mother lives in a very nice house.
- You think Freda's with her?
- How should I know? I don't know.
Is that my problem,
keeping tabs on your wife?
I-I've got my friggin'
hands full, Vince.
Vince, my mother is not well.
Okay? She's not a well woman.
- Finally. Cincinnati.
- Excellent.
I imagine we are just in time
to catch the train to Toronto.
This reminds me of the time Vince and
I got bumped from our flight in Hawaii.
Oh, enough of your
outlandish stories.
Did I ever tell you
about my grand Russian tour?
Yeah, I think
you did already.
Russia. Oh, yes.
I played St. Petersburg.
The conductor
was the legendary Pavrovsky.
He proposed to me
after the performance.
" But I'm married," said I.
"Well, then sleep with me."
" No, no, I couldn't."
"Why not, if you say
you love me?
Do you love your husband?""That is not the point. "We are married. I am married.
"I have a son.
What will become of him?"
Little Harold.
- [Knocking]
- [Light Snoring]
- Harold! Harold!
- [Knocking Continues]Hey, I've been thinkingabout this. Harold!
- Wake up! Hey, hey!
- Aah! Oh! Oh, what?
- You do, Harold.
- What?
- You do owe your mother $ .
- Wh-Wh... Go back to bed.
- Th-That's none of your business.
That's personal business.
- Do you have $ ?
Yes, I do! So what? But what difference
does it... It's my money!
§§[Violin]
§§[Continues]
[Bell Ringing]
[Train Announcer]We are approaching the Canadian border. Please have your passportsand papers ready.
This passport is expired.
It expired some years ago.
Gather up your belongings, please.
Look, she has a passport, so you know she's Canadian.
Just because it expired
doesn't mean that she's become
a terrorist or something.
Ma'am, state the nature
of your visit.
- The Brahms.
- The Brahms?
- It's a violin concerto.
- The violin concerto. Almost impossible to play. I...
We are going to attend
a concert.
You get that renewed
when you're in Toronto, ma'am.
Yes, yes. All right.
Though we're not
going there straight away.
What?
So why exactly are we
in Niagara Falls?
Because I'm a stupid, old cow.
§§[Continues]
§§[Stops]
Well. Son of a gun!
It's Ewald.
- Ewald.
- Ewald.
[Freda]Ewald.
- Sam. Why not just make it Sam.
- [Chuckles]
Hey, I know
all about it, Sam.
Freda. I was named after my father's
best friend, Fred Turkel.
[Laughs] Now, Camilla,
you have a beautiful name.
Agnes.
My given name is Agnes.
I never knew that.
There are many things
I never told you, Ewald.
If you'd have come to the concert
as I'd asked...
- Well...
- I would have left with you.
I would've done if you'd
asked me to that night.
I'd asked a thousand times.
Big day tomorrow.
I must go practice.
I've no time
for fıddle-faddle.
Again, please?
Fiddle?
Faddle.
So, uh, why didn't you go
to the concert?
[Sighs] I gave her many
reasons to love me.
But nothing ever came of it.
I thought, maybe if I give her
a reason to hate me...
we might both be... free.
§§[Violin]
Was she really
a great violinist?
The fırst time I saw her
was in a church basement.
At a noon hour recital, me and
maybe three other people.
[Chuckling]
Camilla comes onstage.
She is wearing
an ivory gown...
with a neckline that,
uh, uh, plunged.
- [Chuckles]
- She began to play her violin.
Played it like it was a hill,
and she was rolling down...
with those beautiful breasts
dancing along.
Even now, I cannot think
of the allegro sections...
because I think
my heart will stop.
§§[Continues]
Is this the Brahms?
No. She is making this up
as she goes along.
I would have bathed in oils.
I would have come dressed
in a silken robe.
I would have waitedfor you in the bed...
smoking black cigarettes
from Bohemia.
I would stand
at the foot of the bed.
I would stare...
puffing on my blackcigarette from Bohemia.
You never smoked, Ewald.
You never came to me
wearing only a silken robe.
I would've told you
to turn down the lamp.
- No.
- Turn down the lamp.
I will slip off the silken robe
and climb into bed.
The lamp stays on.
I want to look at you.
Oh, very well.
- Can you see me, Ewald?
- I can.
You are very beautiful.
That skin... Iooks as though it had neverbeen touched by sunlight.
I expect you fınd the breasts
a little on the small side.
Ivor does.
Ivor is an idiot.
The nipples are so light,
they're almost invisible.
This is before I had Harold,
mind you.
This is before any of it.
This... is before.
You should have come
to the concert, Ewald.
- You should have come.
- Yes.
I should have come.
[Gasps]
[Laughing]
"I must down to the seas again,
to the vagrant gypsy life.
"To the gulls' way,
the whales' way...
"where the wind's
like a whetted knife.
"And all I ask
is a merry yarn...
"from a laughing
fellow rover.
"And quiet sleep,
and a sweet dream...
when the long trick's over."
[Laughs]
[Both Laughing]
I kinda thought maybe Ewald
might have come to the concert.
Oh, no.
He hates Brahms.
If there's one thing Ewald can't stand,
it's a German romantic.
[Chuckles]
Come here. I want to show you something.
This is where
I make my music.
Mmm.
I can't play too loud. I-I'm afraid
that I'll disturb people.
[Chuckles]
It's a funny world...
where music
disturbs people.
Yeah.
It is.
Don't spend
too much time here.
Promise me that.
Okay.
Besides, this isn't
where you make your music.
You make music with your heart
and your mind.
And with your lovely,
young fıngers.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Let's go get ready.
Yes. And put on
something nice, dear...
for the Brahms.
What does she think
she's gonna do with that?
- You gonna park it here?
- Well, I'm not walking down
Young Street with this.
[Whispering] Two tickets
to the Brahms, please.
Okay, so you'll
take care of this, right?
Just... Just take care
of it.
Come on, I know
what statue she means.
- My mother used to bring me here.
- To hear concerts?
- She brought me here
so she could meet a man.
- Really?
No, I lied.
Of course really.
But she would make me
sit underneath that statue.
She said that, um...
She said that nothing bad
would happen to me...
because I would be safe
with the angel.
So I would, uh...
I'd just sit here.
And watch.
A guy would pull up in a car.
Black Packard.
Remember those?
Excellent cars.
Excellent!
- Well-crafted...
- So this man pulls up in a Packard.
Hmm?
One time...
One time Ma almost got into the car
and drove off with the guy.
I know that.
She had one foot in the car,
and one foot on the sidewalk.
And she looked back
at me and the angel.
And I yelled.
Boy, I hollered.
" Don't get in the car, Ma!
Don't get in the car!"
- They got a bar in here, you fıgure?
- Yeah.
- Did you see one?
- Yeah, I think I saw a bar.
Come on,
I'll buy ya a drink.
Take very good care of this.
- It's my violin.
- Yes.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, good!
Let me show you something.
All ofToronto high society
was here.
[Laughs]
Snow was falling!
It lightly
tumbled down, it...
it danced!
[Laughing]
The people came to seeCamilla Cara.
I wore this ivory dress.
The neckline plunged.
Ivor was furious.
He said he wouldn't allow it.
But I told him, "If I don't wearthis dress, I wear nothing. "
And I would have done it.
I would have walked out naked.
There was silence
as I stepped onto the stage.
I drew out the fırst note.
You know, dear, I hadn't fastened
my bow correctly.
The fırst note, well,
there was a little squeal.
Somebody laughed.
I could see him sitting
in the front row, the fat man.
[Weeping]He laughed.
The hardest passage,
the very hardest part...
I played well.
And then I was so relieved
that I had done it that I...
I got confused. I... I made
a mistake. I lost my place.
And I thought,
never, never...
Never again.
Oh, I'm...
I'm s... I'm s-sorry, Freda.
Sorry? Sorry for what?
What you did? What you didn't do? That doesn't matter. That's not important.
What's important is that...
you kept yourself,
you know, yourself going.
And here you are.
And I think
you're fuckin' amazing.
It wasn't all lies, you know.
I have done some traveling.
I have seen the place where God
has split the world in twain.
- Grand Canyon?
- That's right.
[Sniffling]
Well.
Let's go see if this Tinscheff
person can get any blood pumping
through the Brahms.
I can play the silly thing, you know.
I know you can.
Just not if anybody's listening.
§§ [Tuning Up]
[Applause]
From... From my standpoint,
you keep Freda locked away.
That's horse shit.
Sh... I don't keep her locked up.
She can do whatever she wants.
And you're sneaky, like my dad.
So you would never say,
" Don't do it;" you only say,
"It's a stupid little hobby."
- [Scoffs]
- Right?
§§[Orchestra Continues]
Here comes the tricky part.
Good-bye, dear.
Camilla.
[Breathing Hard]
It's a Texas gate, Camilla.
It's only a Texas gate.
I can't.
- Freda!
- Hi, Vince.
- Where's my mother?
- Oh, she's in the washroom.
- What washroom?
- She's been in there for like
minutes or something like that.
- I mean, I just... I don't know.
I'm kinda worried about her.
- Twenty minutes?
- Why didn't you go... She never
goes to the bathroom alone.
- [Camilla] My violin, please.
- Well, I'm going there now.
- Wait a minute!
H-Hold it. The washroom sign
is pointing down this way.
Ma! Ma!
- Hey, hey! Stop... Stop the old lady!
- Camilla, go!
Ma'am, I'm gonna
have to have...
Excuse me. That woman
is trying to escape!
Ma? Ma!
Ma!
Get into the car, Ma.
Get into the car!
- Harold!
- Yeah?
- What's this?
- Camilla gave it to me.
Oh. Oh!
Oh, okay.
He's a nice guy.
- Harold?
- Yeah.
You think?
Well, people don't
understand Harold.
- You... You do?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I do.
He's afraid.
Afraid of what?
The same thing that everyone else
is afraid of, I guess.
What are you afraid of?
[Sighing]
I'm afraid that...
I'm afraid that
you may get up one day...
play your music...
and then it might not go well,
and it... and it'll hurt.
And at the same time,
I'm afraid that it...
It will go well,
and I may lose you.
I don't understand why it has
to be one way or the other.
Ohh! It doesn't.
It... It doesn't, Freda.
Here. You keep that.
I guess Mom wanted you
to have that.
- Don't you wanna know what's in it?
- No, I don't.
If it's the fıddle, I mean
the violin, then that's nice.
If it's the money,
I don't wanna know about it.
- Hey, Harold!
- Yeah?
- We'll talk.
- Okay.
Camilla.
Hey.
You know that song,
Frede, um...
that beautiful song
that you wrote?
If I could give you anything...
- How does it go?
- I'd give you back yourself.
That's right.
I would.
I will.
Okay.
Ohh.
Here is a present for you.
Ohh!
Ohh.
Ohh!
Well.
What are you waiting for?
"A quiet sleep...
"and a sweet dream...
when the long trick's over."