Charlie Wilson's War Script - Dialogue Transcript

Charlie Wilson's War Script

  
  
The defeat and breakup
of the Soviet empire,

  
culminating in the crumbling
of the Berlin Wall,

  
is one of the great events
of world history.

  
There were many heroes
in this battle,

  
but to Charlie Wilson must
go this special recognition.

  
Just 13 years ago, the Soviet
Army appeared to be invincible.

  
But Charlie, undeterred,

  
engineered
a lethal body blow

  
that weakened
the Communist empire.

  
Without Charlie,

  
history would be hugely
and sadly different.

  
And so,
for the first time,

  
a civilian is being given
our highest recognition,

  
that of Honored Colleague.

  
Ladies and gentlemen
of the Clandestine Services,

  
Congressman Charles Wilson.

  
It'd be like Dallas.

  
That's right.

  
You know what I'm saying?

  
Like Dallas but set
in Washington.

  
Yeah.
And you should say it just like that.

  
When I pitch it.
You should say it just...

  
"Oh, this is fucking great."
You should say it just like that.

  
Dallas set
in Washington D.C.

  
You know, with the
intrigue and the power plays

  
and the overt
natural sex.

  
The glamour,
the power.

  
Do you know what I'm saying?
It's fucking Dallas.

  
Or,
or Falcon Crest.

  
Yes.

  
That's set in Washington.

  
Say it to Charlie
like that.

  
The resistance fighters
disguised us as one of them.

  
Charlie.

  
It's like Dallas
but in Washington.

  
With Crystal
in the starring role.

  
Yeah.

  
You tell me when to watch.
I'll make sure I'm home.

  
You don't think
I can make it happen?

  
I don't know anything
about how any of that works.

  
I do.
You said that you would listen to him.

  
That's why we're here.

  
Do they routinely give starring
roles on network programs

  
to people who haven't
acted professionally before?

  
She was just on the fucking
cover of Playboy, Charlie.

  
Well, I guess that's
just the same thing.

  
Would you take
this seriously, please?

  
I am taking it seriously, hon,
but can you all tell me something?

  
What is...
What is Dan Rather wearing right now?

  
What?
Dan Rather.

  
What is he wearing?

  
You're watching TV?

  
Why hasn't he shaved?

  
Well, who gives a damn?

  
Excuse me! Hey! Excuse me,
could you turn that up?

  
Could you just turn up
the volume on the TV?

  
Oh, I'm completely high.

  
Yeah. Okay.

  
Still, could you just
grab the remote there

  
and find
the volume button?

  
Charlie, are we
gonna do business?

  
Dan Rather is wearing a turban,
Paul. Don't you want to know why?

  
He's doing a thing
from India.

  
No, that's Afghanistan.
Got it.

  
Appreciate it.

  
We got it...
We captured it

  
from the Afghan, the Afghan army.
Thank you.

  
Does he have ammunition for this?
He has three.

  
But does he have ammunition?
A lot of ammunition?

  
Well, he's talking
about the mujahideen.

  
No, we don't,
we didn't capture any.

  
Priests?

  
No, mujahideen means,
like, holy warriors.

  
Priests!

  
How the hell am I
supposed to know?

  
Paul.

  
And he was... He is saying that,
you know, America seems to be asleep.

  
It doesn't seem to realize
that if Afghanistan goes

  
and the Russians
go over to the Gulf,

  
that in a very short time,

  
it's going to be the turn
of the United States as well.

  
I'm sure he knows
that in Vietnam...

  
Excuse me.

  
We were just wondering
what you do for a living.

  
I'm not a police officer,
if that's what you're asking.

  
No. We just... We don't meet a lot
of guys here who both, you know,

  
know about the world
and like to party.

  
No.

  
I'm a member of the U.S.
House of Representatives.

  
I'm sorry?

  
I'm a Congressman.

  
Are you kidding?

  
No. No,
I'm absolutely serious.

  
I'm Charlie Wilson. I represent
the Texas Second Congressional.

  
Texas. And this
is Crystal Lee.

  
This is Paul Brown.
What are your names?

  
Stacey.
Stacey.

  
Kelly.
Kelly. Well, it's nice to meet you both.

  
If you are a Congressman should you
be in here with strippers and blow?

  
Hey, I'm not a stripper.

  
I am a stripper.

  
I'm a stripper.

  
Yes, see, they were
talking about themselves.

  
You know, you do
have a point there.

  
I really should get going.
A little pruney.

  
Look, Charlie, I need
$29,000 to make it happen.

  
And you know I can make it happen,
and you know you want in on this.

  
Hey, who wants to take a
ride with me to the airport?

  
Oh, me!
Paul?

  
Okay.

  
A holy war
against the Soviets.

  
A war they say that,
if they get weapons,

  
from us or anyone else in
the free world, they will win.

  
Yeah, I'm with Congressman
Charles Wilson and Crystal Lee.

  
I wish he wouldn't do that.
From Texas.

  
Has there ever been a
show about Washington?

  
I don't think there has.
Me, neither.

  
Thank you. We got the suite
another night. Comped.

  
Should I go back?
No.

  
You can't stay another night?
No. No.

  
Stay another night.

  
I can't.
I have a vote.

  
What, an important one?

  
Yes.
What is it?

  
Well, it's a
non-binding resolution

  
expressing the sense
of the Congress

  
that the Department of Defense should
continue to exercise its authority

  
to support the Boy Scouts of America.

  
Are you fucking kidding me?

  
Come on, Charlie,
call, raise or fold.

  
I want to get an answer
on this thing

  
that Crystal
and I want to do.

  
First off,
I'd appreciate it

  
if you didn't throw my name
around quite so much,

  
'cause, from time to time, I use it
myself, and I need it in good condition.

  
Second, I'm
from Lufkin, Texas.

  
I'm the son of an accountant
for a timber company.

  
I take home about 700 bucks
a week, and I pay alimony,

  
so the idea that I got $29,in the bank is pretty hysterical.

  
That said,
I love your idea.

  
Crys, I'll call you this week.
Okay.

  
All right.

  
Stacey, Kelly, nice to meet you
both. Are you Nevada residents?

  
Yeah.
Well, don't forget to vote.

  
Bye. We love you!
We love you!

  
Oh, it helps not to know me.
Oh! That is for you.

  
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

  
Bye!
Bye, Charlie.

  
I love Las Vegas!

  
All right, what else?

  
That Dairy Queen guy,
Larry Liddle,

  
is sitting in your office.
Hey.

  
Yeah, I told him
he could come in.

  
He wants to talk
to you about a creche.

  
What, a nativity scene
with baby Jesus?

  
Yeah, it's on public property,
and the city's making him move it.

  
Shit. I thought
he was just coming in

  
to get his picture took, you know?
Congressman.

  
Yeah?
You're exactly who I need to speak to.

  
You have a moment?
Sure.

  
Tip asked me to talk to you.
Okay.

  
He wanted me to talk to you
about John Murtha.

  
Go ahead.
The prosecutor's gonna go after him.

  
Well, they ain't
gonna find anything.

  
John Murtha's as clean
as my mother's kitchen floor.

  
Yeah, but Tip would
like to put you

  
on the Ethics Committee
just the same.

  
You're kidding.
No.

  
Well, Jesus, Donnelly,
everyone in town knows

  
I'm on the other side
of that issue.

  
Ethics?
Yeah!

  
Well, the Speaker would like to
put you on the committee anyway.

  
Okay. Well, if anyone asks what the
hell I'm doing on the Ethics Committee,

  
we'll just tell them I like
chasing women and drinking whiskey

  
and the Speaker felt
we were underrepresented.

  
One man, one vote.
Exactly.

  
Tip's gonna want
to return the favor.

  
Tuesday, right?
That is Tuesday, yes.

  
So if anything comes up
that you'd like me

  
to speak with him
about, please...

  
Yes.

  
Yes!

  
I'd like to be on the Board of
Directors of the Kennedy Center.

  
Charlie.
I'm sorry?

  
Turns out Congress appoints the Board
of Directors of the Kennedy Center.

  
It's a great place to take a date,
and I can never afford the tickets.

  
Consider it done.
Excellent.

  
Go vote.

  
Another few minutes.
Let's see what's on the wires.

  
Why can't you wait for
newspapers like everybody else?

  
'Cause I think it's productive
to know today's news today.

  
And it makes me one day smarter
than you, which I enjoy as well.

  
I know you do.

  
You don't think
that's a little crazy?

  
Pan Am and Eastern
are lowering their fares.

  
'Cause of Braniff.
What's a little crazy?

  
Joining the Board
of the Kennedy Center

  
so you can get free tickets
to the Royal Ballet of...

  
Hold on.
What?

  
AP story out of Kabul.

  
Uzbekistan?

  
Afghanistan.

  
Russia, Afghanistan, Pakistan,
Iran, Iraq, Kuwait, Saudi Arabia,

  
Jordan, Israel, Egypt.

  
Jim Van Wagenen's our
point man on black approps

  
for the Defense
Subcommittee?

  
Yeah.

  
Have him come to my office
as soon as possible.

  
How am I voting on this?
Yes.

  
You sure?
Yes.

  
The Boy Scouts?

  
Jim Van Wagenen.
Get him and show him that wire story.

  
Yes, sir.
You are the man I wanted to talk to.

  
The Congressman will
be here in a moment.

  
He's just coming up
from a vote.

  
I'm sure it's
an important one.

  
No. Not really.

  
So, Marla, can you fit
this into his schedule next week?

  
Charlie Wilson's office.
Good morning.

  
The third...

  
It is? How are you?

  
Suzanne, can you help me with this?
Okay.

  
I'll be right back.
I'll have him do it.

  
Okay, bye-bye.

  
Miss?
Yes, sir?

  
It seems to me, looking around, that
it's almost all women working here,

  
and that they're
all very pretty.

  
Is that common?

  
Well,

  
Congressman Wilson,
he has an expression.

  
He says, "You can teach them to type,
but you can't teach them to grow tits."

  
Well, that's charming.

  
Larry!
Congressman!

  
No, no, no. For $5,000 every two
years you get to call me Charlie.

  
And for 10,000, you can call me Betty
Sue and I'll clean out your rain gutters.

  
This is my daughter, Jane.

  
Well, now I remember Jane.
Two-L at SMU.

  
Charlie Wilson's office.
Good morning.

  
Welcome to the
United States Congress.

  
Hey, I'm gonna talk to your
daddy for a couple of seconds.

  
Larry, can we
get you a drink?

  
It's 10:00 in the morning.

  
Well, fair enough,
I guess.

  
Grab a seat.

  
Now, this situation with the
creche, I want to know all about it.

  
Well, sir,

  
Every single year
since the world was young,

  
the firehouse in the Nacogdoches
Township has displayed a creche.

  
Now, the ACLU has filed suit
against the township

  
for displaying a religious
symbol on public property.

  
It's Christmas time.
It's a creche.

  
I could understand if we
were in gosh-darn Scarsdale,

  
but this is east Texas, and I
want to know who we're offending.

  
Except two lawyers
from the ACLU.

  
That is a terribly interesting
and complicated question.

  
Let me make
this suggestion, though.

  
There's a church about
a block and a half

  
from that firehouse, First
Baptist Church of Nacogdoches.

  
They've got a beautiful
rolling lawn out there in front.

  
No, no. This is a
Christian country, Charlie,

  
founded on Christian values.
Sure.

  
We welcome other faiths
to worship as they wish,

  
but when you can't
put a nativity scene

  
in front of a firehouse at Christmas
time in Nacogdoches Township,

  
something's gone
terribly wrong.

  
Well, that's not
really true, Larry.

  
You could move that creche
over to that church

  
and everything's just fine.

  
That's not the point!

  
Okay. Why don't we just
start back at the beginning?

  
What can I do for you?

  
You can intervene in the case
against the creche committee.

  
Intervene? How?

  
You appointed the judge.

  
I don't appoint judges.

  
I just made a recommendation
to the President.

  
Uh-huh.

  
I think you and I both know
what that means.

  
I cannot just call up a
judge and tell him what to do.

  
Why?
Well, 'cause it's against a shitload

  
of really good laws, Gary.

  
Larry.
Larry.

  
I got to go talk to this guy out
here for a second. Will you excuse me?

  
By the way,
I love Jesus Christ

  
and his mother Mary
as much as anybody.

  
About 38 churches you could move
that creche to, everybody lives.

  
Give me a call.
Okay.

  
I love Chivas.

  
Jane, how are you?

  
You need a cup of coffee?

  
Something to drink? Anything like that?
Okay. Mmm-mmm.

  
Jim.
Congressman.

  
You see Lederer's
AP story out of Kabul?

  
Yeah.
We're reading this story every day now.

  
You see Dan Rather
last night?

  
Yeah. I did.

  
Tell me something.
What is the Defense Subcommittee's budget

  
for covert ops against the
Communists in Afghanistan?

  
All in?
All in.

  
It's 5 million.

  
Well, they can't shoot down
helicopters for $5 million, Jim.

  
Though they're trying to. Which
is more than I can say for us.

  
Get everybody together
for me, would you?

  
And double it.

  
Charlie Wilson's office.

  
Okay, I'm sorry, sir?

  
The covert ops budget.
Double it.

  
Okay.

  
This ain't gonna
be much longer, okay?

  
Here's what
I'm gonna do, Larry.

  
Charlie Wilson's office.

  
Maybe in about 20 minutes.
He's just going into a meeting.

  
Sure.

  
My XO wrote in a report,

  
I was the best officer
he ever served at sea with,

  
and the worst officer
he ever served in port with.

  
You can look it up.

  
I must've graduated
from Annapolis

  
with the second most demerits
of any midshipman

  
in the history
of the Naval Academy.

  
Well, who had the most?
I want to sleep with him.

  
It's hotter here in D.C.
Than in Nacogdoches,

  
so I hope you don't mind, I
took off a few of my clothes.

  
Well, I'm just gonna have
to live with that, Jane.

  
Just call me angel
of the morning, angel

  
Just touch my cheek
before you leave me

  
Come on over here. I'm gonna show
you the best view in the District.

  
You want some of this?

  
No, no, I got this.

  
I like both.

  
Well, it must be
great being me.

  
I've heard it is.

  
Iwo Jima Memorial.

  
There's the Lincoln.

  
Washington. Now follow it
around to the right.

  
The Jefferson Memorial.
The Arlington Bridge.

  
And there's the Pentagon.

  
Oh, that's the Pentagon.

  
That's the Pentagon.

  
How about I show you the second
best view in the District?

  
Why, Jane, would you like...

  
Well, that was predictable.

  
Just give me one second.

  
Hello?
That was an extraordinary thing

  
you did today.

  
Who is this?

  
It's Joanne.

  
Joanne!

  
Why, gosh, how nice
to hear from you.

  
Could I call you back
in a little bit?

  
Is Ronald Reagan in
your bedroom right now?

  
No.
Then I'm considerably more important

  
than whoever is.
Is anything wrong?

  
This is gonna take
just a second or two.

  
Okay, I'm all yours.

  
What did I do that
was so extraordinary?

  
"Double it."

  
'Cause I was told you
didn't have a girlfriend.

  
What?

  
You told Jim Van Wagenen
to double it.

  
Well, shit, Joanne, I don't
know what you're talking about,

  
and if I did,
it'd be classified,

  
and I'd wonder where
you got your information

  
on the Subcommittee.

  
Oh, what do you care, hon?

  
It's a little matter of national
security and I can't help but think...

  
Excuse me, I'm sorry.

  
Hold on.
I am sorry,

  
but I was told you
didn't have a girlfriend.

  
I don't.
This isn't my girlfriend.

  
It's the sixth
wealthiest woman in Texas.

  
Which is still pretty good.

  
Okay, so, hi.

  
A friend of mine has made a
terrific movie about the need

  
for American aid
to Afghanistan.

  
He's made a movie?
Yes.

  
I'm gonna run this movie Friday
night at my house at a fundraiser.

  
You know, you've never
been to my house, Charlie.

  
You want me to come to
Houston and see a movie?

  
There'll be women and wealthy
donors. See you Friday.

  
Yes, ma'am.

  
Hey.

  
Mmm-mmm.

  
Hey.
Mmm-mmm.

  
Thank you, Joanne.

  
Okay. I know it was difficult for
you to come in here, hat in hand.

  
That's not the kind of upbringing,
I guess, is the word I'm looking for.

  
It's not the kind of man
you are. I understand that.

  
I'm not looking to humiliate
you or exact a price in any way,

  
so why don't you
just apologize?

  
We'll call it water under the dam,
and we'll go about our business.

  
Excuse me,
what the fuck?

  
What? What the fuck
are you talking about?

  
Clair George said you were
coming in here to apologize.

  
No, I'm supposed to come in here
so you could apologize to me.

  
According to whom?
Clair George.

  
You told me to go fuck myself.
I'm supposed to apologize to you?

  
Also, water goes over a dam and
under a bridge, you poncy schoolboy.

  
Clearly there's been a miscommunication
between Clair George and somebody.

  
Excuse me.
Yes?

  
Does this look all right?
It's fine.

  
Thank you.
I can sand it down a little.

  
I, I don't know.
I have no fucking idea who this guy is.

  
He is here to fix the glass that you
broke the last time you were here.

  
Could you just excuse us for a second there?
Yes.

  
You tell me to go
fuck myself

  
and I'm supposed to
apologize? You break my window,

  
I'm supposed to apologize?
The Helsinki job was mine!

  
The Helsinki job was not yours. If
it was yours, you'd be in Helsinki.

  
Alan Wolfe stood in this office!
Alan Wolfe

  
is no longer the Director.
Yeah, it was on the books!

  
Alan Wolfe is no longer the
Director of European Operations.

  
He does not make
those appointments. I do.

  
Promises were made.
Not by me.

  
I've been with
the company for 24 years.

  
I was posted
in Greece for 15.

  
Papandreou wins that election if I
don't help the junta take him prisoner.

  
I've advised and armed
the Hellenic army.

  
I've neutralized
champions of Communism.

  
I've spent the past three
years learning Finnish!

  
Which should come in handy
here in Virginia!

  
And I'm never,
ever, sick at sea.

  
So I want to know why I'm not gonna
be your Helsinki station chief.

  
You're coarse.
Excuse me?

  
For Helsinki, I need someone
with diplomatic skills.

  
You don't have them.
Is that right?

  
That is right. And I don't know
why the hell I didn't fire you

  
when you broke
my fucking window!

  
Oh, yes, sure
you do, Cravely.

  
Look, Gust...
Yeah, you're fucking Roger's fiancee

  
and you know I know.

  
I'm not... I'm not even gonna
dignify that with a response.

  
Yeah, yeah, you're
dignifying her in the ass

  
at the Jefferson Hotel,
room 1210.

  
But let me ask you. The
3,000 agents Turner fired

  
was that because they lacked
diplomatic skills as well?

  
You're referring
to Admiral Stansfield Turner?

  
Yeah, the 3,000 agents.

  
Each and every goddamn one of them
first or second generation Americans.

  
Is that because they lack
the proper diplomatic skills?

  
Or did Turner not think it
was a good idea to have spies

  
who could speak the same language as
the people they're fucking spying on?

  
Well, I'm sorry, but you
can hardly blame the Director

  
for questioning the loyalty to America
of people that are just barely Americans

  
in the first place.
Yeah, well, I'd like to take a moment

  
to review the several ways
in which you're a douchebag.

  
Get the fuck out of my office!
Yes, sir.

  
Before I end
your career, asshole.

  
Yes, sir!

  
Yeah, my friend, I'm gonna
need you for a second.

  
God damn it!

  
My loyalty?

  
For 24 years, people have
been trying to kill me.

  
People who know how.

  
Now, do you think that's because
my dad was a Greek soda pop maker

  
or do you think that's
because I'm an American spy?

  
Go fuck yourself,
you fucking child.

  
How was I?

  
Thank you.

  
There's a woman in Aliquippa,
Pennsylvania, named Nitsa.

  
And she thinks
she's a witch.

  
Yeah, she offered to put
a curse on Cravely for me.

  
Yeah?

  
And she...

  
She asked me do I want a
professional curse or a health curse.

  
"If it's a health curse,
I can do it right away,

  
"but a professional curse
takes longer."

  
Well, I'm living proof
she's right about that.

  
Did you get the brownie?
Oh, no, sir, I didn't.

  
I got you.

  
I'm reading transcripts
of phone conversations

  
between French
and German generals

  
arguing over office space
at NATO headquarters

  
and analyzing wiretaps out
of Mercury Bay, New Zealand.

  
You know, historically, a
hotbed of anti-American activity.

  
Yeah, nobody will come
near me. I'm in the weeds.

  
You know,
a typical case officer

  
doesn't walk into his boss's office
and tell him to go fuck himself. Twice.

  
I just told you, I paid a
witch in Pennsylvania $
  
to put a curse
on Henry Cravely for me.

  
Do I sound like a typical case officer?
No.

  
Well, then,
let's assume I'm not.

  
Listen. If you're really
not doing anything,

  
why don't you come upstairs
and work with us?

  
What are you doing?

  
Killing Russians.

  
Our next slave girl is a Texas
rose named Ashley Rensler.

  
Ashley is prelaw at U. T.,
and her three sorority sisters

  
from Delta Delta Delta
will wash your car or truck

  
in special outfits they
have chosen for the occasion.

  
So, who wants their wheels cleaned clean
as a whistle by a 19-year-old lawyer

  
and her three friends
from Tri-Delt?

  
I have 10,000, who'll give
me 11? 11, 11, I got 11.

  
I got 15 right here.
Thank you very much.

  
Oh, my God,
she is a Minute Woman.

  
No, she's a Tri-Delt.

  
No, she is a
Minute Woman, Charlie.

  
Oh. Joanne.

  
Yeah, she's a direct descendant
of George Washington's sister.

  
Says she had a great uncle
who was killed at the Alamo.

  
Former Miss Cotton Bowl.
Had her own local television talk show.

  
Look. Pakistan's Honorary
Consul to Houston, Texas.

  
How's that
for a title, huh?

  
This is an ultra-right wing
group of anti-Communist fanatics.

  
They're not
ultra-right wing.

  
What are they?

  
Well, they're
ultra-right wing.

  
What are you doing
hanging around this woman?

  
Did you hear me say she was
a former Miss Cotton Bowl?

  
You are unbelievable.

  
Oh, come on.
You're gonna love her.

  
And, you know, one of the things
she's trying to do over there

  
is liberate the women.

  
And what better way than
through a slave girl auction?

  
Charlie.

  
So sorry for keeping
you waiting.

  
Oh, it's no problem,
Joanne.

  
This is Bonnie Bach.

  
So nice to meet you.

  
It's a pleasure meeting you, Mrs.
Herring. This is a wonderful party.

  
Why don't you
give us a few moments?

  
Yes, sir.

  
Oh, Bobbie, if you could ask someone
for a Bombay martini up, very dry?

  
Oh, I'm not a slave girl, actually.

  
I'm the Congressman's
administrative assistant.

  
Isn't that wonderful
for you.

  
Yes.

  
Two olives, please. Tell them
it's for me, they'll know.

  
Certainly.

  
She doesn't like me.

  
Everybody likes you.

  
She's a liberal.

  
Well, I'm a liberal.

  
Not where it counts.

  
Have you seen the house?

  
Well, I've seen the
downstairs, what's upstairs?

  
Fourteen bedrooms.

  
I should have a look.

  
What did you think
of the movie?

  
What, that thing
we just saw?

  
The reason
for the party, yes.

  
Well, I'm not an expert
in the field or anything,

  
but the production quality
seemed amateurish to me.

  
Yeah, I'm not
submitting the thing

  
for a Golden Globe
nomination, Charlie.

  
You know what
I'm talking about.

  
Well, as a member
of the Defense Subcommittee,

  
did you think
I wasn't aware

  
that the Soviet Union's
invaded Afghanistan?

  
Yes, I believe
my government is aware,

  
but I was wondering if they were
thinking of doing anything about it

  
other than boycotting the Olympics,
which I think you'll agree,

  
was a fairly
impotent response

  
to the greatest national
security threat we've faced

  
since the
Cuban Missile Crisis.

  
Well, I don't think making more
movies about it is gonna do the trick,

  
if that's what
you're asking.

  
It's not.

  
Exactly how much power do you have
as a member of the Subcommittee?

  
Which one? I'm on two.

  
Foreign Ops.

  
Eight members and myself hand out
11 billion in foreign assistance.

  
And what about
the Defense Subcommittee?

  
Our budget is hidden.

  
It is also unlimited.

  
Yeah.

  
Would you like
to see my room?

  
Yeah.

  
So, unless I'm wrong, and
that would be unusual for me,

  
you sit at the intersection
of the State Department,

  
the Pentagon and the CIA.

  
You meet in a soundproof room
underneath the Capitol,

  
and you preside over a
secret and unlimited budget

  
for the three agencies you would
need to conduct a covert war.

  
Isn't that right?

  
I also have seats
at the Kennedy Center.

  
Isn't that how you were able to
double the CIA budget for black approps

  
in Afghanistan
just by saying so?

  
Why are you only asking me questions
you already know the answers to?

  
Why is Congress saying one
thing and doing nothing?

  
Well, tradition mostly.

  
Come here.

  
Okay.

  
I do not understand the
energy women have after sex.

  
You're dancing around,
you're baking a pie.

  
Charlie?
Yes, ma'am?

  
Why is the CIA running
a fake war in Afghanistan?

  
They're doing
everything they can.

  
They're doing it badly.

  
The CIA is arming
the mujahideen.

  
Where do you think they're
getting their weapons?

  
They're arming them with
12.7 millimeter Dishukas

  
which would be good,

  
except the Soviets have specifically
armor-plated their Hind helicopter

  
to resist
a 12.7 millimeter shell.

  
We sold Pakistan F-16s,

  
but didn't give them the
look-downlshoot-down radar.

  
If this were a real war,

  
State would issue a white paper
outlining the Communist threat

  
the way they did
in El Salvador.

  
If this were a real war, there'd
be a National Bipartisan Commission

  
on Afghanistan, headed by Henry Kissinger
the way they did in Central America.

  
If this were a real war, Congress
would authorize $24 million

  
for covert operations
the way you did in Nicaragua.

  
If this were a real war...

  
You may be
the sexiest woman ever.

  
I'm not kidding.
You are Helen of Troy.

  
Are you patronizing me?

  
What do you want me
to do, Joanne?

  
This is what
I want you to do.

  
I want you to save Afghanistan
for the Afghans.

  
I want you to deliver
such a crushing defeat

  
to the Soviets
that Communism crumbles,

  
and in so doing,
end the Cold War.

  
I'll tell you,
I'd do it, too,

  
but I got this Dairy Queen
problem in Nacogdoches.

  
Don't underestimate me, Charlie.
Believe everything you've heard.

  
What exactly
do you want me to do?

  
Go to Pakistan
and meet with Zia.

  
Zia?

  
Mohammed Zia ul-Haq.

  
He's the President
of Pakistan.

  
I've already arranged it.

  
You've arranged a meeting between
me and the President of Pakistan?

  
Yes.

  
You're going
to Israel next week

  
to meet with Zvi Rafiah
about the Lavi jets.

  
I want you to tack Pakistan
on the end of your trip.

  
And meet
with the President?

  
Let him convince you that
it's a Christian imperative

  
to let the Afghans rid
their country of Communism.

  
Okay. It's not likely the President
of Pakistan is a Christian,

  
but I'm gonna do this
for you, Joanne,

  
'cause you saved my ass
once with the pro-lifers

  
and I owe you my seat in Congress
and because you look very good naked.

  
But I have to tell you,
I'm elected by Jews.

  
How many Jews do you have
in your district?

  
Seven.

  
But congressmen aren't
elected by voters,

  
they're elected
by contributors,

  
and mine are in, well, New
York, Florida, Hollywood,

  
because I'm one of
Israel's guys on the Hill.

  
And I don't know
how they're gonna feel

  
about me taking up
the cause of Muslims.

  
Well, that's
your problem.

  
Yes, it is.

  
Go fight this war
and win it, Charlie.

  
Everything possible is on the
line, including your manhood.

  
Oh, I was afraid you
were gonna say that.

  
Well, I guess it ain't
gonna be twice tonight.

  
Well, I guess
somebody can't count.

  
Oh, darling,
I was talking about me.

  
Congressman Charlie Wilson.

  
Mr. Congressman.

  
Mr. President.

  
Yeah.

  
Joanne Herring speaks
very highly of you.

  
Oh, well, thank you, sir.
Thank you.

  
These are two
of my brightest advisors

  
when it comes to the
problem of the Soviets.

  
This is Brigadier Rashid.

  
How do you do?
Pleased to meet you.

  
Colonel Mahmood.
How do you do?

  
Pleased to meet you.

  
Please come.

  
Thank you.

  
You must be thirsty.
Can we get you a drink?

  
Oh, actually I'd love a glass
of ice and any kind of whiskey.

  
Rye, Canadian.

  
Uh...

  
I'm sorry, Congressman,
we don't have alcohol

  
in the Presidential Residence.

  
Of course, you don't.
I apologize.

  
Fruit juice?

  
Bet a lot of people
make that mistake.

  
No.

  
Okay.

  
Brigadier?

  
So you understand the
situation on our border?

  
Yes, sir, I think I do.
And I think it's terrible.

  
And I know I speak for all the people in
the Texas Second Congressional District

  
when I say our thoughts and
our prayers are with you.

  
All the people of the Texas
Second Congressional District,

  
you say?
Yes, indeed, sir.

  
Three million Afghan refugees are
living like poorly treated livestock.

  
Another two million
have fled into Iran.

  
And two million
more angry men

  
is just what the doctors ordered
for Iran, don't you think?

  
People are dying
by the tens of thousands.

  
And the ones that aren't are
crossing into Pakistan every day.

  
Would you like
to know how many?

  
One fifth of Afghanistan
now lives

  
in Pakistan's
North-West Frontier Province.

  
So, what I have
been wondering is

  
why your State Department
would send someone here

  
who thinks he understands the problem.

  
'Cause I don't think the prayers of
the Texas Second Congressional District

  
are going to turn
the trick.

  
Well, now, I wasn't sent here by
the State Department, Mr. President.

  
I was asked to come here
by our friend in Houston.

  
So this is
a courtesy call.

  
I don't need courtesy. I need
airplanes, guns and money.

  
Well, we just doubled the
CIA budget for covert ops...

  
From 5 million
to 10 million.

  
That's right.
Is that a joke?

  
No.
Is that meant to be a funny joke?

  
No, sir.

  
Congressman,
what they're saying is

  
$10 million from the U.S.
To fight the Russian Army

  
is such a low figure that it
can be mistaken for a joke.

  
I caught up to the sarcasm there, sir.
Let me be clear.

  
The United States is
eager to assist you.

  
No, you're not.
You're not.

  
Absolutely not.
I went to Oxford

  
and I know what
that word means.

  
The U.S. Is not eager
to assist us.

  
Well, now it's my understanding
that we offered to sell you F-16s.

  
You didn't want them.

  
Because you refused
to sell us the radar.

  
So to hell with that.

  
And this is emblematic
of American fence sitting

  
when it comes
to fighting the Soviets.

  
To hell with it!
You sell us the planes but not the radar.

  
You offer Afghans rifles
from the First World War

  
while Soviet helicopters are
killing everything they can find,

  
people, animals, food supplies.
So to hell with it!

  
Yeah.
You sell the Israelis the radar,

  
so that's why he says,
"To hell with it."

  
Again, I understood. Yeah.

  
Also, the arms and funding
should flow through us.

  
I'm sorry?

  
That's been part
of the problem.

  
The arms and the funding
should flow through us.

  
We have experience
with warfare of this kind.

  
And your CIA has an
unimpressive track record.

  
Oh. I wouldn't say that.

  
They missed 130,000 Soviet
soldiers walking into Afghanistan.

  
Okay, we blew that call.

  
I would say so.

  
Well, I don't want to use up
any more of your hospitality,

  
so I will take your message
back to my committee chairman,

  
and we will give it
our fullest attention.

  
Let me walk you
to the door.

  
I learned about you
before you came here.

  
I learned that you're a man
of many character flaws.

  
I am.

  
But I also learned that
you never promise anything

  
you cannot deliver.

  
No, I don't,
Mr. President.

  
Then promise me this.

  
Go to Peshawar
and see the refugee camps.

  
Right now. Today.

  
Go to Peshawar and see
with your own eyes.

  
I have a helicopter
waiting to take you.

  
All right, I'll do it.

  
Thank you,
Mr. Congressman.

  
Mr. President.

  
All right, you,
come on.

  
How did it go?

  
Well, there were
three of them.

  
It was like getting slapped around
by a Pakistani vaudeville team.

  
You know you've pretty
much hit rock bottom

  
when you've been told you
have character flaws by a man

  
who hanged his predecessor
in a military coup.

  
Can we go home now?

  
No. No, we have
to make one more stop.

  
I've seen enough.

  
About 350 people in three
small villages at Kandahar.

  
But instead of doing
it all at once,

  
the Russians would
make the parents watch

  
as they slit the
throats of the children.

  
So, the Russians gathered all the
defectors and piled them like wood

  
in the center
of the village.

  
Then they ran over them
with their tanks.

  
I saw something shiny
on the ground. I thought it was a toy.

  
When I reached down to grab
it, it exploded in my hand.

  
I should have known.

  
Because last year my little brother
tried to pick up a piece of candy.

  
It split him in half.

  
It takes more work to take care
of a wounded child than a dead one.

  
So when the Russians
cover fields with toy mines,

  
adults who might help with the war
effort have to take care of the children.

  
You can see yourself.

  
Like a bug.

  
They're beautiful.

  
How many children
do you have?

  
She had six.

  
So, what do you want to be
when you grow up?

  
Hi. I have Congressman Wilson here
to see the station chief, Harold Holt.

  
Down the hall.
Second door on the left.

  
I'll wait outside.

  
Look, normally,
a congressional delegation,

  
we'd give them a courtesy briefing
on the situation, but as you can see,

  
it's getting pretty late, we don't
have a whole lot of time anyway, so...

  
Well, make the time.
Huh?

  
Fuck your time, Harold.
I'm on Defense Appropriations.

  
I'm catching a plane back to
Washington in just a few minutes.

  
Now, I need a full
classified briefing right now.

  
Hundred and twenty thousand
Soviet troops in all.

  
Hundred and twenty thousand?

  
40th Army is garrisoned
in the cities

  
and in the airports.

  
Your seventh and eighth
infantry divisions are in Kabul.

  
The 18th in Mazar-e Sharif,
the fourth armored...

  
Anything inside?

  
I'm sorry?

  
They controlling
anything inside?

  
Soviet advisors
have appropriated

  
the Afghan intel service
and the ministries.

  
Which ministries?

  
All of them.

  
Anyway, the fourth armored
covers Bagram Airbase.

  
Seventh Armored is...

  
Why ain't they shooting down
them helicopters?

  
I'm sorry?

  
The helicopters, Harold.

  
Why ain't we giving them something
to shoot down them helicopters?

  
The helicopters
are a problem.

  
You think?

  
Congressman...
They're shooting at Soviet gunships

  
with Enfield rifles. That's
basically what Davy Crockett used.

  
The Soviet Hind gunship is especially
armor plated to resist bullets.

  
Yeah, I know, I know.
So you tell me what you need to shoot them down.

  
What do you mean?

  
Tell me what you need.

  
Do you understand
what I'm saying?

  
You tell me what you need, and I
will go about getting it for you.

  
Congressman, I appreciate
your generosity,

  
but a sudden influx of money and
modern weaponry would draw attention.

  
What?
A sudden influx of money and modern...

  
Wait, it would
draw attention?

  
Yeah.

  
Why, I don't even know
what that means.

  
This is the Cold War.
Everybody knows about it.

  
Should I continue
with the briefing?

  
Have you been to these refugee
camps? Have you heard these stories?

  
Congressman, I am required
to give you a briefing.

  
Should I continue?

  
No. Thank you.

  
You know, I had a neighbor, growing
up, with a name right out of Dickens.

  
Mr. Charles Hazard.

  
And Mr. Hazard didn't like
the neighborhood dogs

  
messing up his flower beds.

  
One day, I heard a bunch of
yelling from across the street,

  
so I ran on over
to Mr. Hazard's,

  
and there were about 15 grown-ups
standing around my dog, Teddy,

  
who was writhing on the
ground in obvious agony.

  
Blood was pouring
out of his mouth.

  
Mr. Hazard had
ground up a glass bottle

  
and put it in a bowl of
dog food and fed it to him.

  
What did you do?

  
Well, I got some gasoline and
burned down his flower beds.

  
But that wasn't
satisfying enough.

  
And then I remembered, Mr.
Hazard was an elected official.

  
He was the head
of the town council.

  
His reelection every two years
was a foregone conclusion.

  
So come Election Day, I drove
over to the black section of town.

  
Now, these people hadn't voted
in any of these elections, so...

  
I was only 13,
but I had a farmer's license

  
and I filled up my car
with black voters

  
and drove them
to the polling place

  
and then waited,
then drove them on home.

  
But before they got out
of the car to vote

  
I said, "I don't mean to influence
you, but I think you should know

  
"Mr. Charles Hazard has
intentionally killed my dog."

  
About 400 ballots were
cast in that election.

  
I drove 96 of them
to the polls.

  
Hazard lost by 16 votes.

  
And that's the day I
fell in love with America.

  
What time do we land?

  
7:30 a.m. In D.C.

  
I want the CIA in my office at 10:00.

  
Assistant Deputy Director
or higher.

  
Tell them that if I don't
see someone at 10:00,

  
I'm gonna start docking their allowance
at a rate of $1 million a minute.

  
Yes, sir.

  
And get me another
one of them, would you?

  
Yes, sir.

  
The AKs,
RPG-7 grenade launchers

  
and 82 millimeter mortars are
coming into Pakistan by air and sea,

  
and then trucks take them
to the Afghan border.

  
Then we take them
across on mules,

  
which are running a little
more than we thought.

  
The mules?
They're 2,400 a piece,

  
plus we got to get them checked out.
For what?

  
Diseases. Foot and mouth. Plus they
have to have their ears cleaned.

  
The mules are getting better
health care than the Afghans.

  
Plus, they're gonna cost a
little extra if we want them pre-trained.

  
To do what?
Walk over a mountain

  
with ammunition
on their back.

  
Aren't they born
with that instinct?

  
I mean, isn't that something
they want to do naturally?

  
You think Afghanistan might, one day,
think about building some fucking roads?

  
Gust.
Yeah?

  
I got something for you.

  
I need you
to be specific...

  
The whole thing has changed.
Get your diary. I'll show you.

  
Okay.

  
No problem.
Thank you.

  
He should be here
any moment.

  
Don't worry about me.
I'm fine.

  
Good morning.
Good morning, Congressman.

  
Welcome back.
Yeah. Marla.

  
Welcome back.
Suzanne.

  
Welcome back.

  
Who are you?

  
This is Gust Avrakotos.

  
He's come up from Langley
to bring you the information

  
that you wanted.
Bonnie!

  
Yes, sir?

  
I said Assistant Deputy
Director or higher.

  
I know, sir. I called...
No, Assistant Deputies don't come

  
to the Hill
without a subpoena.

  
I'm the guy you want to talk to,
Congressman. I'm on the Afghan desk.

  
You're on the Afghan desk?
Yeah.

  
Well, I wouldn't be too proud of
that. I just got back from there.

  
Oh, I know. And that's
a hell of a flight, too.

  
That nine hours flying time
against the jet stream.

  
Probably had to stop in Brussels,
plus the time difference.

  
I'd be a little grumpy
myself.

  
I ain't grumpy
because of the plane.

  
We want to give you this 'cause
we know you like single malt.

  
It's called Talisker,

  
and it's mentioned in a
Robert Louis Stevenson poem,

  
The Scotsman's Return
from Abroad.

  
"The king o' drinks,
as I conceive it,

  
"Talisker, Isla
or Glenlivet!"

  
Who are you again?
Gust Avrakotos.

  
Have Bonnie come
into this meeting.

  
Yes, sir.

  
What's the gift for?

  
It's from the Afghan desk for
doubling the budget for the mujahideen.

  
Oh. Well, thank you.

  
It was nothing.

  
Well, it's a nice
bottle of Scotch.

  
Must've been hard to get.

  
No, doubling
the budget was nothing.

  
I mean, $10 million for covert ops
against the Russian Army is meaningless.

  
What are you, an infant?
Now, you hang on just one second.

  
I don't remember your name.

  
Gust Avrakotos.

  
Gust Avrakotos.

  
Yeah.

  
Okay, you mind
if I call you Gus?

  
Yeah, well, my name's Gust
with a "t," but I don't care.

  
Fifteen hours ago, I offered Harold
Holt the keys to the safe, okay?

  
I stood there in the office in Islamabad,
and I said, "How much do you need?"

  
And I was apparently
annoying him.

  
Well, Harold Holt's a massive tool,
Congressman. He's a cake-eater.

  
He's a clown.
He's a bad station chief.

  
And I don't mean to cast aspersions on
a guy, but he's gonna get us all killed.

  
Really?
Yeah.

  
Well, how does he expect to defeat
the Soviets in Afghanistan without...

  
He said, "A sudden influx of money..."
Yeah, an influx of money

  
and new weaponry
would draw attention.

  
He's not trying to defeat
the Soviets, Congressman.

  
What the hell
are you talking about?

  
Excuse me.

  
I'm the Congressman's
aide, Bonnie Bach.

  
Gust Avrakotos.

  
Gus, I need the room
for a second.

  
Sure.
Jailbait!

  
Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.
Whoa, all right.

  
Just tell me
what's happening.

  
A Justice Department task
force that was formed last year

  
to investigate reports of sex
between members of the House

  
and their male interns
has recently widened

  
to include the use
of recreational drugs

  
by senators and congressmen.

  
Do you know a man
named Paul Brown?

  
He doesn't have
to answer that. Keep going.

  
Oh, shit.

  
Paul Brown, under investigation
by federal prosecutors for fraud.

  
He wanted me to invest
in some TV show for Crystal.

  
Well, he's saying he witnessed
you doing cocaine nine times

  
in a fantasy suite
in Las Vegas.

  
Brian Ross at NBC is
breaking the story.

  
All right, guys. I was in Las
Vegas with Crystal and Paul Brown,

  
because she wanted me to
talk to him about this thing.

  
There was cocaine?

  
I want you to go in the other
room and start on a statement.

  
Let's get Stu on the phone.
Okay, I'll call him.

  
Okay, Bait,
you just need to start...

  
It's all right,
everybody.

  
It's gonna be all right.
I want to get back to...

  
Gus!

  
You having problems?

  
No.

  
What do you mean, he's not
trying to defeat the Soviets?

  
Well, he wants to bleed them.
Payback for Vietnam.

  
Make it so they just have
to keep sending troops in,

  
keep sending money,
and troops, and money

  
until they just go out of their
fucking minds the way we did.

  
You mean to tell me that the
U.S. Strategy in Afghanistan

  
is to have the Afghans keep
walking into machine gun fire

  
till the Russians
run out of bullets?

  
That's Harold Holt's
strategy.

  
It's not U.S. Strategy.
What is U.S. Strategy?

  
Well, strictly speaking,
we don't have one.

  
But we're working
hard on that.

  
Who's we?
Me and three other guys.

  
Would you excuse me?

  
All right,
what do you have?

  
"Representative Charles Wilson has learned
he is joining several members of Congress

  
"who are under investigation by a
Justice Department task force that is..."

  
Don't say task force.
It makes it sound

  
like Eliot Ness is running the thing.
Okay.

  
Who is running the thing?
Who's the prosecutor?

  
Rudolph Giuliani,
New York, Southern District.

  
You know him?
No.

  
Well, it's been going on
forever. We should say that, too.

  
"Representative Charles Wilson has learned
he is joining several members of Congress

  
"who are under investigation
by the Justice Department

  
"in what is now an 18-month
long, wide-ranging examination

  
"that has resulted
in no convictions."

  
"Congressman Wilson has not
been charged with any crime,

  
"nor has he been questioned
by the authorities.

  
"He denies any allegation of
illegal or improper behavior

  
"and will fully cooperate with
the ongoing investigation."

  
Okay. Run it by Stu.

  
Yes, sir.

  
Gus!

  
You and three other guys?
Yeah.

  
Well, I'll tell you what I told
Harold Holt. I can get the money.

  
Now, the 10 million is a joke?
Fine. What do you need?

  
To do what?
To shoot down the helicopters.

  
To shoot down
the helicopters.

  
If we can help them shoot down
the goddamn helicopters,

  
everything's gonna
start going our way.

  
You know, there's a story about
a Zen master and a little boy.

  
All right, and... Yeah.

  
It's Stu.

  
You should be on this.

  
Stu?

  
No. No,
it's gonna be fine.

  
It was a party in Vegas.

  
Lot of drugs, lot of
people I don't know.

  
I was there with Crystal Lee
and this guy Paul Brown

  
who wanted me to invest
in a TV show for Crystal.

  
I don't know.

  
I don't know, it's gonna be
like a Dallas set in Washington.

  
What... Stu,
what does it matter?

  
Okay.

  
Okay.

  
Will Crystal back up your
story that you weren't using?

  
Just go put out
the statement.

  
You know what?

  
You never should have been
in the same room, Congressman.

  
Gus!

  
Yeah.
The Swiss make an antiaircraft gun

  
called the Oerlikon.
Listen, Charlie.

  
Twenty-millimeter cannon,
high rate of fire.

  
I know the Oerlikon.

  
Don't forget
the limo driver.

  
What do you mean?

  
Well, you took a limo from
the casino to the airport.

  
Maybe it's easy enough to track down
a limo driver, hand him a subpoena,

  
ask him if anything was
going on in the back seat,

  
so, you know, in terms
of cleaning up this...

  
Were you listening
at the door?

  
I wasn't listening at the door.
Were you standing

  
at the goddamn door listening to me?
No.

  
How could you even...
That's a thick door!

  
You stood there
and you listened to me?

  
I wasn't standing at the door.
Don't be an idiot.

  
I bugged the Scotch bottle.

  
What?

  
Yeah, it's got a little
transmitter on it.

  
I got a little thing
in my ear. Get past it.

  
I don't believe this. Who the
fuck... Who the fuck are you?

  
It's not in my ear right now.
Take it easy.

  
I was gonna tell you about it, but
I had to leave the room for a second

  
'cause you were getting indicted.
I ain't getting indicted.

  
Is there a camera in here?
No, that's a little paranoid.

  
That's right.

  
Will you take the bug
off my Scotch bottle now?

  
Sure.

  
I saw two kids,
had their hands blown off

  
when they tried to pick
up something shiny.

  
Sometimes the kids think
those bombs are toys.

  
For children to pick up.
Yeah.

  
They're raping the women and...
Yeah.

  
...bayoneting the pregnant ones.
It's as bad as it can be.

  
But they still want to go out
and fight the Red Army.

  
Each and every one of them.
I've never seen anything like that.

  
No, me, neither.

  
Let's be clear. I want to kill
Russians as much as you do.

  
Is the Oerlikon the right gun?
Is that what they should have?

  
Now, you know what?

  
You've had a long flight.

  
You're under a lot of stress.
You're under arrest.

  
I ain't under arrest.

  
Do you drink?
Oh, God, yeah.

  
Well, should we try
this Scotch,

  
or is it gonna release
sarin gas when I open it?

  
Oh, I don't think so,
but open it over there.

  
How'd a guy like you get
into the Agency?

  
What, you mean a street guy?
You ain't James Bond.

  
And you ain't Thomas Jefferson,
so let's call it even.

  
Deal.

  
Since there's no other reason
I should be here,

  
let's assume it's 'cause
I'm very good at this.

  
They need to shoot down
the helicopters, Gus.

  
They need at least,
what, 50 Oerlikons.

  
Yeah, it's gonna cost
a lot more than $10 million.

  
And I say for the fourth time,
I can raise the money.

  
Yeah, how?

  
Is the Oerlikon the gun
I should be recommending?

  
I'm not sure.

  
Who is sure?
A weapons guy named Mike Vickers.

  
I'll call him.
Yeah. Let's call him right now.

  
All right, here's a test.

  
You see the nerdy-looking kid
in the white shirt

  
playing against
the four guys at once?

  
Yeah.

  
Which one of the guys do you
think is a strategic weapons expert

  
with the CIA?

  
That was a trick question,
Charlie.

  
It's the nerdy-looking kid
in the white shirt.

  
All right, no reason this
can't be fun, you know.

  
Mike!
Yeah, just a second.

  
Need you now, Mike.

  
Keep playing.

  
Mike Vickers, this is
Congressman Charles Wilson

  
of the Defense Appropriations
Subcommittee.

  
How are you, sir?
Fine, thank you.

  
How old are you?
I'll be 30 next week.

  
This is the CIA's weapons
expert?

  
One of them.
But he's the most senior.

  
Look...
Mike!

  
Yeah, bishop to queen's
knight 7.

  
See? He's playing without
even looking at the board.

  
That's a useful skill

  
if Afghanistan's ever invaded
by Boris Spassky.

  
Did my office not make it clear
to Langley that I'm in no mood

  
to be fucked around with?
Charlie...

  
You answer to me or you answer
to Jim Baker. Which do you want?

  
All right, the guy's a fucking Green
Beret, Charlie. He trained with the SEALs.

  
No one's trying to fuck with you!
Mike?

  
Yeah, what was your move?
Knight to queen's bishop 5.

  
All right, queen to king's
rook 3.

  
Guy on the right, you don't
want to trade queens with me.

  
Shit.

  
All right, I apologize.

  
Okay.
Everybody friends?

  
As a former naval officer myself,
Mike, I should've known better.

  
As a former naval officer, I'd
have been surprised if you had.

  
Now, what the fuck?
Hey.

  
He said he was sorry.
Hey.

  
What can I do for you, sir?

  
All right, he wants to make a
recommendation to his Subcommittee.

  
Now, the Swiss made Oerlikon S.T.A.
Antiaircraft cannon, that's what you'd use

  
to shoot down the Ml-24 Hind
gunship in the mountains, right?

  
Well, the Oerlikon's
a good start,

  
but the Russians will just start
flying higher altitude missions.

  
So what else do they need?

  
Same thing you give us.
AK-47 s, AK-74s, AKMS.

  
The Soviets didn't come into
Afghanistan on a Eurail Pass.

  
They came in T-55 tanks.

  
The fighters need RPG-anti-tank grenade launchers,

  
Katyusha 107 mm rockets, wire mines,
plastic mines, bicycle bombs, sniper rifles,

  
ammunition for
all the above

  
and frequency-hopping radios
and burst transmitters

  
so these guys aren't
so fucking easy to find.

  
Well, I've written it all
in a report you can read.

  
You'd be the first
one who did.

  
Send a copy of it to me
by secure courier right away.

  
I will. All right.
All right.

  
There was a report?

  
It's not that simple.

  
Why not?
Well, for one thing it's covert.

  
When an Afghan freedom fighter
gets captured,

  
it can't be with an
American-made weapon on him.

  
That's how a cold war turns
into an actual war,

  
and that's something you
want to keep a good eye on.

  
So anything we give them
has to look like

  
it could have plausibly been
captured from the Soviets.

  
Yeah, that's right.
You know who's good at that?

  
Israel and Egypt.
That's right.

  
You know what Vickers
just described back there

  
could cost as much
as $40 million.

  
I can get the appropriation.
But how?

  
I want to know how are you gonna
get the approval of Congress

  
when they're saying no
to the Contras for nothing,

  
for $5 million, a request
made by the President?

  
When a black approp makes it
through this Subcommittee,

  
the full body has
to vote on it blind.

  
They know the dollar amount, but
they don't know what it's for.

  
So, theoretically, your $million can become 40 million

  
without anyone ever noticing
but the Russian Army.

  
Because Congress wouldn't
know what it was voting on.

  
That's the beauty of it!

  
All you need are the nine
other Subcommittee members.

  
All I really need is
the Committee Chairman.

  
Doc Long.
Doc Long.

  
And with Doc's backing, you'll get the
votes of the other Committee members.

  
Yep.
I don't believe you.

  
I don't care.

  
And until the phone rang
this morning, Charlie,

  
I didn't know
I'd never heard of you.

  
Well, ask around.

  
I did.
And what'd you find out?

  
That your greatest legislative
achievement in six terms

  
was getting reelected
five times.

  
Anything else?

  
That you hold more IOUs
than any member of the House.

  
How about that?

  
I represent the only district in
America that doesn't want anything.

  
They want their guns, they
want low taxes, that's it.

  
I can do favors.
I get to vote yes a lot.

  
Now, me and three other guys
are killing Russians.

  
I mean, is it possible

  
that I've met the only elected
official in town who can help?

  
Give me a week
to set things up.

  
Go pack a bag. I have a friend,
an arms dealer in Israel.

  
He's who we need for this,
God help us.

  
Should be interesting.
Yeah.

  
All right.

  
We need you, Zvi.

  
You're gonna be our man
inside the Israeli Parliament.

  
I'm not in the Israeli
Parliament.

  
That's what's gonna
make you so effective.

  
No one has your pull
with the 10th Knesset.

  
No one has your relationship
with the Speaker.

  
And we are gonna... We're gonna
need your arm around Menachem,

  
when he finds out that we're
working with Egypt and the Saudis.

  
Tell him.
Tell him why we need him.

  
I'm not saying anything.
Why not?

  
I don't know who the fuck
these two other guys are.

  
Well, ain't they bodyguards?
Not ours.

  
Zvi?

  
Now, just to sum this
up in a nutshell.

  
You want me
to move Israel

  
toward a partnership with
Egypt, Pakistan and Afghanistan.

  
And Saudi Arabia.

  
Well, just a couple of problems I
can foresee off the top of my head.

  
Look.

  
Charlie...
I know.

  
...Pakistan and Afghanistan don't
recognize our right to exist.

  
Calm down.
We just got done fighting a war with Egypt

  
and every person who has ever
tried to kill me and my family,

  
has been trained
in Saudi Arabia.

  
That's not entirely true, Zvi.

  
I mean, some of them
were trained by us.

  
Gus, come on.

  
It's his sense of humor. It's
a bit of an acquired taste.

  
Now, Zvi, look at me.

  
This is the front
of the Cold War.

  
It's not in Berlin, it's not in
Cuba, it's not in Czechoslovakia.

  
It's in a pile of rocks
called Afghanistan.

  
These are the only people who are
actually shooting at the Russians.

  
Now, you and I know we have
to get Soviet-made weapons

  
into the hands
of the mujahideen.

  
And you and I know
where the largest stockpile

  
of Soviet weapons
outside the Soviet Union is.

  
I can't tell you offhand
how many

  
and what kind of weapons
we've confiscated.

  
I can. These are Keyhole-satellite photos.

  
They've been degraded
so I can show them to you.

  
All right, that's
a five-wheeled chassis tank.

  
That's not the Mk.1,
that's the T-55.

  
And it and four others are
about 12 miles from here.

  
What do you want tanks
in mountains for?

  
Oh, we don't. I just wanted
you to know I know you got them.

  
$35.5 million.
Which you'll be able to appropriate.

  
Yeah.

  
Without the press asking
questions about it.

  
You know,
there's good news there,

  
because the press is going to be
busy asking about a weekend in Vegas

  
and his pending arrest on
charges of narcotics possession.

  
Oh, Gus.
Shit, Charlie.

  
It's nothing.
Is this true?

  
No, for our purposes,
it doesn't really matter.

  
Thank you.
I was just explaining to him

  
that as long as the press sees
sex and drugs behind the left hand,

  
you can park a battle carrier
behind the right hand

  
and no one's gonna
fucking notice.

  
What the hell happened?

  
It's not germane.
It's not germane to these people

  
who are fighting and dying, and
being massacred in their homes.

  
Now, for the love of Christ,
will you help us help them

  
shoot down these fucking
helicopters?

  
I love you, Charlie,

  
but you are a grown man

  
who still hasn't learned to look both
ways before he crosses the fucking street!

  
Yes, I'm in.

  
But I don't like this guy.
I know how you feel.

  
What happens now?
You come with us to Cairo.

  
This meeting's gonna be run professional?
Oh, absolutely.

  
We'll be talking
to the Deputy Defense Minister

  
while his boss gets a belly
dance from a friend of Charlie's.

  
What?
A good friend of mine back in Texas

  
is a well-known
belly dancer.

  
It's always been her dream to
perform in Egypt, so she's our way in.

  
While she's dancing for the Defense
Minster, we'll be talking to the Deputy.

  
Oh, my God.
No, she's supposed to be good.

  
That's an extraordinary woman.
Oh, yeah.

  
That's not any belly dance
I'm familiar with.

  
That's why I wanted the
Defense Minister to see her.

  
This is your girlfriend?
Carol's a friend. She's an old friend.

  
I understand her father didn't allow
dancing because of the religion?

  
Yeah, that's correct.

  
And what religion is that?

  
You know, she's a Baptist.

  
As I was saying, the Russians will
learn, I'm quite afraid the hard way,

  
to fear God's vengeance
upon those

  
who oppress his humble servants
who submit to him in Islam.

  
Their skulls will hang
from the treetops.

  
You can do whatever you like
with their skulls, I suppose.

  
What has Gus here concerned is a SA
surface-to-air missiles you all have.

  
For some reason, he thinks
they were stored poorly.

  
No, no, no, the SA-7 s
were stored properly.

  
Excuse me. What about
the oppression of my people?

  
Oh, Zvi.
I beg your pardon?

  
Fellows, we have
to do this now.

  
I am about to arrange
for $35 million worth of guns

  
to be put into the hands
of Muslims!

  
I meant no disrespect.
Oh, really?

  
Well, anyway, that...
None of this is important.

  
You have Soviet-licensed factories
that can put out Kalashnikovs

  
at a rate of 25,000 a week?

  
That's correct.
What about city warfare devices?

  
What kind?
Bicycle bombs, limpet mines,

  
plastic, tripwire mines?

  
Yes, yes. Whatever you need.

  
We can't improve
the price now,

  
but when we come back for
more, we'll make it up to you.

  
I agree.

  
All right.

  
Hey, you did good back there
ignoring the religious shit.

  
'Cause these people are
totally fucking unspooled,

  
and I'm not just talking
about the Muslims.

  
Zvi's all right.
Oh, I know he is.

  
He is Mossad, by the way.

  
What I'm talking about is
your friend in Houston.

  
Now, she's got to stop throwing fundraisers
and she's got to stop doing press.

  
Joanne is raising awareness.

  
She's using
a non-secular vocabulary

  
and framing this
as a religious war.

  
And America doesn't
fight religious wars.

  
Is that right?
Yeah, that's why I like living there.

  
Good morning, ladies
and gentlemen. This is your captain.

  
We will begin our initial
descent

  
into Washington Dulles Airport.
I got to go down to Houston, so...

  
... I would like to thank you
and hope...

  
Well, talk to her.
Yeah, I'll talk to her.

  
You want me to go into
business with the Israelis?

  
Just for this one purpose,
yes, Mr. President.

  
The Israelis have the largest stockpile
of Soviet-made weapons in friendly hands.

  
I know that.

  
I need to trust that this
arrangement will remain secret.

  
Pakistan and Israel would have to
appear to be enemies in the public eye.

  
Yeah, I don't think
that's a tough sell.

  
You have authority
to do this?

  
None whatsoever. In fact, I'm pretty
close to violating the Logan Act.

  
Well, I don't know
what that is.

  
But, Charlie.
Yes, sir.

  
If I see one fucking
Star of David on a crate...

  
You won't. I promise.

  
Hey.
Excuse me.

  
You want me to take a look
at those remarks?

  
Why?
Just... Well, your introduction,

  
want me to look it over?
It's an introduction, Charlie. I'll be fine.

  
Today we honor President
Zia ul-Haq of Pakistan.

  
Before we go any further, I
would like you all to know this,

  
President Zia did not
kill Bhutto.

  
In the time that
he's been President,

  
the fortunes of Pakistan
have changed radically.

  
I've asked you all here
today...

  
You disappeared.

  
Well, they weren't
selling alcohol in there.

  
It's a traditional
Pakistani gathering.

  
You think they might be
a lot happier over there

  
if they could just get women and booze
in the same room at the same time?

  
I think they'd be a whole
lot happier over there

  
if the Communists got out.

  
"Zia did not kill Bhutto."

  
That's not something you usually
hear in introductory remarks.

  
He didn't, Charlie. Bhutto had
a trial and was found guilty.

  
Shocking verdict.

  
What did you need
to talk to me about?

  
Joanne, darling,
dial down the religion.

  
What?
It could alienate people

  
whose support we need.

  
It's luncheons like this that
are raising the money we need.

  
This thing is not gonna get
done by ballrooms full of people

  
in the Houstonian Hotel.

  
It's gonna get done by the
CIA, Israel, Egypt and Pakistan,

  
and it's gonna get
done quietly.

  
Now, you start making
people think

  
we're trying to convert
everybody to Christianity.

  
I was saved by Jesus Christ,
Charlie, and I am not ashamed of it.

  
My fervor is not about religion,
it's about freedom of religion,

  
which we have, they want,

  
and the Communists
are slaughtering them for.

  
And I get it.
Just tamp down the fervor.

  
Well, I can't modulate
God's will, sweetie.

  
You can try.

  
Now, I got to get back to D.C. They've
set up a briefing for me at Langley.

  
On what?
On getting the guns.

  
Afghanistan's barely
a country.

  
There's no phones or roads
outside the cities.

  
It's likely that a villager
would live his life

  
without having contact with another
village just three miles down the road

  
unless he was going
to war against them.

  
Now, my thinking is instead
of 400,000 sloppy guys,

  
we concentrate on several elite
forces totaling about 150,000.

  
Give these guys
real training,

  
20 different courses covering
irregular warfare disciplines.

  
And do you have anybody
in mind?

  
The most successful rebels
today are in the Panjshir Valley.

  
They're called the United Front
of the Council of the North.

  
We've earmarked them
for 10 million in weapons

  
and 10 to 15 agency advisors
for training.

  
Who's their leader?
Ahmed Shah Massoud.

  
He's Tajik, so he's not well
liked by the Pashtun.

  
So the... What, the Tajiks
have a problem with the Pashtuns?

  
Well, they say when a Tajik
wants to make love to a woman,

  
his first choice is always
a Pashtun man.

  
It's funnier in
the original Pashto.

  
All right, I've heard enough.
I'm going to go get our money.

  
All right, don't fuck
us up now.

  
Awesome pep talk.

  
Afghanistan, Egypt, Pakistan
and Saudi Arabia,

  
these are all totalitarian
dictatorships.

  
And they'd like to blow the only democracy
in the region right into the Mediterranean.

  
Now, you heard me say that
Israel's gonna be on board.

  
Oh, well, Zvi Rafiah's
out of his mind.

  
These people are draconian thugs,
and in an evil and twisted derby

  
between the Communists
and the Fundamentalists,

  
it's 6-to-5 and pick them,
as far as I'm concerned.

  
No, you're wrong about that, Doc,
and you know you don't mean it.

  
In Pakistan, a blind girl gets
raped, but there's a witness.

  
Now, in Pakistan it takes
four witnesses.

  
So the rapist walks away
and the girl is in prison.

  
Can you tell me why?

  
Well, fornication.
That's right.

  
Mr. Chairman, President Zia is the
only one willing to shoulder the risk

  
of actively training
and funding the mujahideen

  
while Egypt
and Saudi Arabia...

  
Now, the Saudis are matching
any funding from Congress?

  
That's right.
So when you say 40 million to me,

  
you're really talking
about 80 million.

  
Only 40 from us.

  
You want to put $80 million
in the hands of these people?

  
No, see, Doc, now, if you took
a trip with me to the border,

  
you'd stop calling them
"these people."

  
They are farmers and children mostly,
and they are fighting our enemies for us.

  
I know. And that should
be impossible for America.

  
I know.
It should be impossible for America

  
to sit on the bench while little kids
and their mothers fight our enemies.

  
Now, all you have to do to
change that is to support me

  
in the Committee,
Mr. Chairman.

  
I'm sorry, Charlie, but doubling
from 5 to 10 million is one thing,

  
but, you know,
I just can't get behind this.

  
Joanne Herring's
residence. Who's speaking?

  
Miss Herring, Congressman
Wilson for you.

  
Hello.
Hey.

  
Tell me what's happening.

  
Well, I need Doc Long,
and he's not getting on board.

  
Now, he's a church-going guy,
so I thought,

  
you know, maybe you could...
So now you need God.

  
Yeah. Let me give you
his private line.

  
I've got it.

  
Trish!
Yes, ma'am.

  
Boss?
Yeah.

  
Hey, that's a nice sweater.
Oh, thank you.

  
The Washington Times wants to
know if you've ever been in rehab.

  
Well, what are you gonna tell them?
That you won't go to rehab

  
'cause they don't serve
whiskey there.

  
Well, that's why you're
the press secretary, boo-boo.

  
I've got Stu on the line. Can you jump on?
Yeah.

  
Hey, Stu, it's me.

  
All right.

  
No, she's not a stripper, Stu.
She just posed for the cover...

  
Oh, what the hell
difference does it make?

  
They're talking
to Crystal today.

  
Yeah.

  
Giuliani subpoenaed
the limo driver.

  
Oh, that's what Gus
said he'd do.

  
Well, the limo driver said
he didn't see anything.

  
He didn't see anything.

  
So Giuliani subpoenaed
every limo driver

  
between Arlington and Silver Spring to see
if any of them can recall you using cocaine.

  
Joanne Herring's on the phone.
Hey, you.

  
We're all leaving
in the morning.

  
You're kidding?
No.

  
Well, what did you have
to promise him?

  
There's a blind girl in jail
'cause she was raped.

  
Yeah.
You're gonna get her out.

  
What, I got to bust somebody
out of jail?

  
Don't be stupid, Charlie.
You're gonna tell Zia to pardon her.

  
That's Doc's condition.

  
I'll fly in tonight. Buy me a drink?
Yes, ma'am.

  
We're almost there, Charlie.

  
I'm going back to Pakistan tomorrow!
Let's party!

  
Charlie!
Oh, that was... I'm gonna...

  
You want a refill here, darling?
Thanks.

  
Can we get another round?

  
Mario!

  
Oh, Charlie.

  
Hey, Joanne.

  
Can I call you Joanne?
Yes.

  
You'll want to dress
considerably more modestly

  
when we're at the border.

  
Well, thank you, but I have
been passionately involved

  
with the cause of the Afghans
for three years.

  
I've been there many times.

  
Okay, well, then I'll just
go fuck myself.

  
I am not easily shocked,
Mr. Avrakotos.

  
I knew you two were gonna
hit it off right away.

  
Charlie!

  
Sorry, Stu's on the phone.
You can take it at the bar.

  
Stu. This can't be good.

  
How'd you hook up
with Charlie?

  
Are you also passionately involved
with the cause of the Afghans?

  
No, I just wasn't really
doing anything else.

  
I mean, how did you
get into the CIA?

  
Oh, I didn't. I'm with
the Department of Agriculture.

  
Food and Plant Division.
Specifically apple imports.

  
Now, you don't seem like the apple type.
I know.

  
What's that mean?

  
Where are you from?
What do you care?

  
Are you a Catholic?
Greek Orthodox, Mrs. Herring.

  
That's still Christian.
Imagine my relief.

  
What's your problem with me?

  
You know, I've found,
in my business,

  
that when people with time on their
hands get involved in politics,

  
I start forgetting what I'm
supposed to be shooting at.

  
That would be in the apple
import business.

  
Yes, ma'am.

  
I'll have to remember that.
Please do.

  
It's over!

  
It's over! It is over!

  
That was Stu, and it is over.
Wait, wait, wait. Crystal didn't name you?

  
Well, she witnessed
me doing coke

  
in the Cayman Islands.
Oh, shit, Charlie.

  
No, it's all right. That's out of
the Justice Department's jurisdiction,

  
so it is over.

  
I'm going home!

  
Gus, Joanne, the most important
trip of our lives is in the morning,

  
so let's get plenty of sleep.
I'm going home.

  
Jailbait, slap my hands!
Yeah!

  
Mario, this is all on me.

  
Yes, sir.

  
He may be in trouble with the
press, but he stayed out of jail.

  
You don't see
God's hand in this?

  
Well, reasonable people
can disagree,

  
but I don't see God anywhere
within miles of this.

  
On the other hand,
if you slept with me tonight,

  
I bet you I could change
my mind in a hurry.

  
Oh, you would.
Yeah.

  
I'll see you on the plane.

  
Sluts.

  
Doc's eating this up.
Yeah?

  
We're gonna get the money.
Charlie?

  
Charlie!

  
Guy's a little senile.
Don't be fooled.

  
He chairs a Subcommittee?
Mmm-hmm.

  
Charlie, Joanne, this has been an
absolutely eye-opening experience.

  
I mean, it's absolutely
stunning.

  
Tell them what we saw,
Mr. Papadropolous. Tell them.

  
They only want to go back
there and fight.

  
And you're their savior,
Mr. Chairman.

  
Oh, I wouldn't go that far, no.
Watch this.

  
She's gonna lock it right on up.
Mr. Chairman,

  
these people have been waiting for
you. They have been sitting here

  
and bleeding and waiting
and praying for you.

  
It's only gonna be a man
like you who can save them.

  
We know, don't we,
about our men,

  
what they can do when
they summon themselves.

  
Charlie, I think they want
you to make some remarks.

  
No, you should do it,
Mr. Chairman.

  
These people have been
waiting a long time for you.

  
Show Muriel what you can do.
Show your wife.

  
I'm a little bit emotional
about what I've seen here today.

  
Show her.

  
You can do it.

  
Go on.

  
All right.

  
Papadropolous.
Well, it's Greek. It's in the ballpark.

  
(MAN TRANSLATING
My friends,

  
my son served in Vietnam.

  
He was wounded fighting in battle
against the Soviet oppressors.

  
I didn't know that
about his son.

  
So, you see,
I'm no stranger,

  
no stranger at all to the horrors
and atrocities of the Communists!

  
Thank you so much.

  
I talk about God for
one simple reason.

  
As God is my witness today...
We need him on our side.

  
... these Russian gunships,
every last one of them,

  
are gonna be blown right
out of the sky.

  
We're gonna see that you have guns and
we're gonna see that you have training!

  
Thank you.

  
Well, what I think's got
Gus worried

  
is that sooner or later
God is gonna be on both sides.

  
This is good against evil.

  
And I want you to know that
America's always going to be

  
on the side of the good.

  
And God will always punish
the wicked!

  
God is great!

  
God is great!

  
This has been a
year of setback and frustration.

  
And the Soviet Army, more than
at any time since the war began,

  
Now has the upper hand.

  
The mujahideen are
pinned down.

  
The Afghan resistance has been
sanctified by the United States,

  
but the support has not been
translated into military hardware.

  
The guerrillas still cling to the
Kalashnikov, but it's not enough.

  
They're waiting in vain
for bigger modern weapons

  
to turn on the Red Army.

  
The guerrillas survived
the raid.

  
The Soviets now are conducting some
of the heaviest bombing of the war.

  
The Soviets have put more
troops and equipment back in.

  
Communist bastards.

  
Don't send us rice
and bandages,

  
give us weapons so that we
can shoot down their gunships.

  
It's called the MILAN
anti-tank missile.

  
Can the Afghans win without it?
No.

  
End of discussion.

  
I would like to have the
previously approved sum increased

  
by an additional 30 million,

  
bringing the total
appropriation to 70 million.

  
I'd like to introduce
the MILAN anti-tank missile.

  
We've got 300 in the field.

  
Yeah!
Yep.

  
Let's kill some Russians!

  
Voting to pump up the money for
the freedom fighters is the only way

  
for the northeastern liberal
to prove that he's serious.

  
How much are you asking for?

  
I'd want to go from 70 million
to 100 million.

  
And if you vote for me, I can deliver
the Black Caucus for the farm subsidy.

  
And they asked him,
quite reasonably enough,

  
"How did you vote on that?"

  
And I swear to God, he
looks over at his staff guy.

  
He had to check with an aide
for an answer to that question.

  
I don't know how that guy
stays in office.

  
It was the Bamian-led group.
They set an ambush here

  
at the Fuladi Bridge.
What'd they get?

  
Four supply trucks coming out
of Bagram Airbase.

  
They hit a Soviet motorized
rifle battalion on horseback?

  
You bet your ass.
Then these guys are pretty good.

  
We can't control this
thing anymore.

  
The man stood in my office
in Islamabad, and I told him,

  
"A sudden influx of money

  
"and weaponry..."
Could you hand me that belt, please?

  
Thank you.
I mean, how is it possible

  
that this congressman
of no particular importance

  
is doing this by himself?

  
I will admit it's not
unimpressive.

  
Is this the war we want
to be fighting, Henry? Huh?

  
Harold, whatever he's doing,
believe me, it's working.

  
The CIA estimates that seven out of
every 10 times the muj fires a Stinger,

  
a Soviet chopper or a plane
falls out of the sky.

  
Now, Russian MiGs go for $million, Stingers go for 60-70,000.

  
What do you want to do?

  
Well, I'd like to double
to 250 million.

  
Remind me again,
where did this thing start?

  
5 million.

  
Hello?
Is this Mrs. Joanne King Herring Davis?

  
Where's it at, Charlie?

  
How's the honeymoon?

  
Am I ever gonna see you
naked again?

  
Where's it at, Charlie?

  
500 million.
Matched by the Saudis.

  
One billion dollars.

  
That's right.
Billion with a "b."

  
Where does this rank relative
to other covert wars?

  
There's never been anything
else like it.

  
Since when?

  
Ever.

  
I miss you, Charlie.

  
I, Joanne,

  
I always miss you.

  
I better go.

  
There's nothing
wrong with that!

  
And out in Polk, there's the polecat
who took us over the side there.

  
You know, that's the truth.
What do you got?

  
Is that Gus? You got it.

  
Hey, Gus!

  
Congratulations on your reelection.
Yeah, thank you.

  
Tell me what you know.
All right. Doc Long is gonna lose.

  
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We saw that coming.

  
Yeah, so who's gonna be
our wallet now?

  
John Murtha.
And is that good news?

  
Yep.
Why?

  
I was his vote on
the Ethics Committee.

  
You know, you're a very, very
easy man to like, Congressman.

  
Call me tomorrow morning
at high noon.

  
I will. Bye-bye.

  
We present you with
this Stinger tube.

  
There was wild jubilation
inside the country of Afghanistan

  
as last weekend it became
the first country in history

  
to defeat the mighty
Soviet Union.

  
The retreat of Soviet military
power from Afghanistan is complete.

  
The last of Russia's regular
army invasion force is out.

  
Fear and uncertainty
were mixed with joy today

  
as the commander
of Soviet troops

  
followed the last of his men
across the border.

  
CBS News Moscow correspondent,
Barry Petersen, begins our coverage.

  
It was the last hurrah.
The final Soviet combat troops

  
crossing the Friendship Bridge
on the border

  
between Afghanistan
and the Soviet Union.

  
The Soviet commander,
Lieutenant...

  
Look what you did, Charlie.

  
Hey, it's... Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey!

  
It's traditional to make a
gesture towards the vanquished.

  
Gus, it's your honor.
Okay.

  
Reports that some Afghan
units have...

  
Well, here's to you,
you motherfuckers.

  
... determined to show the world that
the era of Soviet military intervention

  
in other countries
is now over.

  
Well, I told you.
Told me what?

  
All we had to do was
shoot down the helicopters.

  
Listen, not for nothing,
but do you know the story

  
about the Zen master
and the little boy?

  
Oh, is this something
from Nitsa,

  
the Greek witch of Aquilippa,
Pennsylvania?

  
Yeah, as a matter
of fact, it is.

  
There was a little boy, and on
his 14th birthday he gets a horse.

  
And everybody in the village says,
"How wonderful! The boy got a horse."

  
And the Zen master says,
"We'll see."

  
Two years later, the boy falls
off the horse, breaks his leg.

  
And everybody in the village
says, "How terrible!"

  
And the Zen master says,
"We'll see."

  
Then a war breaks out,

  
and all the young men
have to go off and fight,

  
except the boy can't 'cause
his leg's all messed up.

  
And everybody in the village
says, "How wonderful!"

  
And the Zen master says,
"We'll see."

  
So you get it.

  
No. No, I don't
'cause I'm stupid.

  
You're not stupid.
You're just in Congress.

  
Send them money.
You can start with the roads.

  
Move on to the schools, factories.
Gus, now, it's a party.

  
Restock the sheep herds.
Hey.

  
Give them jobs, give them hope.
I'm trying. I'm trying.

  
Yeah, well, try harder.
I'm fighting for every dollar.

  
Yeah, yeah.
I took you from 5 million to a billion.

  
I broke the ice on the Stinger
and the MILAN.

  
I got a Democratic Congress in
lockstep behind a Republican President.

  
Well, that's not good enough

  
'cause I'm gonna hand you a code
word classified NIE right now,

  
and it's gonna tell you that
the crazies have started rolling

  
into Kandahar like it's
a fucking bathtub drain.

  
Jesus, Gus, you could depress
a bride on her wedding day.

  
Hey.

  
Listen to what
I'm telling you.

  
You did a hell of a job for
the son of a soda pop maker.

  
"We'll see,"
said the Zen master.

  
$1 million for school
reconstruction?

  
Oh, shit, Charlie.

  
Listen.
He's like the congressman from Kabul.

  
Did you hear me say it was a million,
not a billion, for school construction?

  
Yeah, we heard you.
Everybody heard you, buddy.

  
They heard you in Dover,
Delaware.

  
Well, I sure hope I'm not
annoying you, Bob,

  
'cause that's the last thing I want to do.
Look...

  
I was in the Roosevelt Room
with the President last week.

  
You know what he said?

  
He said, "Afghanistan?
Is that still going on?"

  
Well, it is.

  
Half the population
of that country

  
is under the age of 14.
Charlie.

  
Half the population is
under the age of 14.

  
Now, think how fucking
dangerous that is.

  
They're gonna come home and
find their families are dead,

  
their villages have
been napalmed.

  
And we helped kill the guys who did it.
Yeah, but they don't know that, Bob,

  
'cause they don't get home
delivery of The New York Times.

  
And even if they did,
it was covert, remember?

  
This is what we always do. We
always go in with our ideals

  
and we change the world
and then we leave.

  
We always leave.

  
But that ball, though,
it keeps on bouncing.

  
What?
The ball keeps on bouncing.

  
Yeah, we're
a little busy right now

  
reorganizing Eastern Europe,
don't you think?

  
We've spent billions.

  
Let's spend a million on
H.R.118 and rebuild a school.

  
Charlie, nobody gives a shit
about a school in Pakistan.

  
Afghanistan.

  
So, for the first time, a civilian
is being given our highest recognition,

  
that of Honored Colleague.

  
Ladies and gentlemen
of the Clandestine Services,

  
Congressman Charles Wilson.

  
Bravo, Charlie.