Voila! Finally, the Dave
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Kevin Kline and
Sigourney Weaver movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Dave. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Ten-hut!
Welcome home, Mr. President.
Over here, Mr. President!
Good to be home.
-What do you got?
-Let's go over it again.
Who do I see first this morning?
You've got Mr. Crenshaw at : .
I can't do two things at once.
I got NSC at : .
-That'll only take half an hour.
-With Syria?
You have the radio address...
...and the Legal Counsel speech
at the Monroe tomorrow.
The Monroe?
Welcome home, Mr. President.
Yes, sir, the Monroe Hotel.
Have you got a double for me?
-We're working on it.
-Good.
Try to find someone
who looks like me this time.
That last guy was a joke.
Ladies and gentlemen, here he is...
...the President of the United States.
God bless you. Thank you.
Welcome to Durenberger's, Mr. President.
Thank you, one and all.
Let me just say,
from one chief executive to another...
...that there is no Chevrolet
like Durenberger's Community Chevrolet.
Thank you, Mr. President.
That's not the president, is it?
I sure hope not.
I have the feeling that when people
find out about the $ cash rebate...
...on all Geo Storms
and Geo Storm convertibles...
...that you'll be even busier than I am.
You said it, Mr. President.
I could veto this Simpson-Gardner thing
if I wanted to, but I don't.
Do you know why?
It's got homeless shelters...
...and Head Start centers...
...and....
Hot lunches.
Hot lunches for little kiddies.
If I kill it, I'm going to look like a prick.
I don't want to look like a prick.
I want you to look like pricks.
But, sir, we tried to kill it.
Twice.
I don't think so. If you killed it,
it would be dead.
When I kill something...
...it always dies.
-Doesn't it, Bob?
-Always did.
Mr. President, with all the work
your wife does with the homeless--
My wife.
I don't want you to do this
because you're forced to.
I want you to do this because you want to.
I want you to do it
because it's the right thing to do.
Do it because you're acting
in the best interests of your country.
Well, I think that's it.
: ?
-Perfect.
-Great. I'll see you then.
How are you? Having fun?
Good to see you.
Ask me how I did.
-How'd it go?
-I killed them. It was great.
-See what you can do in here.
-Okay, what's up?
How are you, Mabel? Hi, Jennifer.
Mabel says it's too far.
Jennifer's boss tried to hit on her.
Lola's been in your office crying
for almost an hour.
What happened?
It's not my fault. I learn on the IBM, okay?
Then they put me on the Wang.
Don't worry. We'll think of something.
So tonight's the big night.
It's some secret. He won't tell me.
It'll be fine. We'll fix it.
Honey, call Murray.
Tell him we're on our way, okay?
It's Wednesday. Everybody works.
Can I borrow your-- Thanks.
I can't hire anybody else. I can't.
She flies on an IBM.
I don't have enough work
for the people you already gave me.
She's got three kids.
Her husband's a diabetic.
Just a short-term thing. Temp job.
Please?
I'll see what I can do.
Thanks.
You feel okay about this?
Not yet.
You will.
Do you want to go play some ball?
It's the middle of the day. I'm working.
Me, too. Okay, well, thanks.
See you tomorrow.
'Bye, Lola, Kate, Adriana, Pam.
''And the waving wheat
Can sure smell sweet
''When the wind
Comes right behind the rain
''Oklahoma
''Every night my honeylamb and I
''Sit alone and talk
''And watch a hawk
''Making lazy circles in the sky
''We know we belong to the land
''And the land we belong to is grand
''And when we say:
''We're only saying, 'You're doing fine...
'''...Oklahoma!'''
Mr. Kovic?
I'm Duane Stevenson
with the United States Secret Service.
We're with the federal government.
I swear I thought that was
a legitimate deduction....
I do impersonations,
so I use that TV for my work.
Mr. Kovic,
we're not here about your taxes.
On occasion, for security purposes,
we hire a double for the president...
...at public functions
in exposed situations.
Your government needs your help.
Really?
I like it.
You look just like him.
You think?
And the coloring....
Coloring is excellent.
-His hair's this short?
-It's a perfect match.
Not over the ears?
You understand what you'll be doing?
You want me to wave.
Wave from the door,
come downstairs, get into the limo.
You know, if you want me
to do other stuff, I can.
-lf you want me to talk--
-Don't say a word.
Right.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of the United States.
Thank you all.
Is there a lawyer in the house?
You know...
...as I came to the podium,
I saw my friend, Jordan Blankfort.
Now Justice Blankfort...
...who I haven't seen
since our law school days at Yale....
You know, just seeing him makes me...
...kind of nostalgic
for those innocent days back then.
The worst thing we did was hoist
a guy's underwear up a flagpole.
We need standardized parole criteria......that will guarantee a prisonerwill not be returned to the street......until he has paid his debt to society.We need a judiciarythat is sensitive to the needs...
Let's go.
...of the average American,because that's what we're founded on.The dreams......the dreams of a few...
...struggling pilgrims...
...who imagined a system of laws...
...of the people, by the people...
...and for all the decent people
of this land! God bless you!
God bless America!
Let's move it up a half hour.
You have the trade negotiations.
It needs to be handled.
He's here.
They weren't enthusiastic.
Of course, they're lawyers.
Jesus Christ!
You're a very handsome man.
Thank you, Mr. President.
Just get rid of the grin.
You look like a schmuck.
He's all right.
Wish me luck.
Call me if there's a war.
Move him out.
You're on.
Okay, you ready?
Mr. President?
President Mitchell!
God bless you! God bless America!
Thank you very much!
I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it.
I got carried away.
I was pretty good, wasn't I?
Something important must be going on
for the president to do this.
Something top secret.
Baby?
Hon?
Mr. President?
Doesn't look very good.
It hit both sides of his brain.
If he makes it, he'll be a vegetable.
-I can't believe he'd do this.
-I know.
-Where's the girl?
-She's upset.
-We have her upstairs.
-Some nightmare.
At some point we'll have to call
the vice-president.
Don't call the vice-president!
Don't call him.
-The guy's in a coma!
-I don't give a shit.
This is mine, Al. It's all mine.
I made him. I built him.
And no Boy Scout
is going to take it away from me...
...just because he happens to be
vice-president of the United States.
You know...
...if you want to do something
for his birthday, I've got great stuff.
I do this thing. My friends love it.
The president and the first lady
are going to Club Med...
...for their vacation....
Oh, sir.
Back to the cottage.
We'll start by going on TV.
We'll admit he had a stroke,
but we'll say it was a mild stroke.
A mild stroke?
And he ought to be up and around again
sometime soon.
Up and around?
How?
You know...
...l'm not scared.
I've been cooperative.
I'd just like to know where we're going.
I'm Alan Reed,
White House communications director.
This is Bob Alexander, our chief of staff.
We met at the hotel tonight, remember?
Can I get you a drink?
You sure? Coke, mineral water?
I'm fine.
Dave, something has come up
and I think we need to talk about it.
I'm so sorry.
I know I wasn't supposed to talk...
...but I saw the crowd and got excited--
We're not upset with you.
We think you did a great job.
Don't worry about it.
Terrific.
In fact you did such a good job...
...that we'd like to...
...extend things a little.
Extend things?
Extend them.
Come here.
Try it out.
-Try it out?
-Go ahead.
How's that feel?
Very nice.
Dave...
...the reason we invited you here tonight
is because...
...something happened to the president.
Oh, my God!
I know, it's difficult for all of us, but...
...we need to put
our personal feelings aside and focus...
...on the good of the country.
What happened?
It's actually kind of serious, Dave.
The president's not in very good shape.
Will he be okay?
-Probably.
-I think so.
Sometimes we need our friends...
...and even our enemies, to feel...
...safe and secure.
We need them to feel
like they can go to bed at night...
...knowing that President Mitchell
is fully in control.
We need them to feel like...
...he's sitting right here...
...in this chair.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
What about the vice-president?
Vice-president?
We didn't want to have to tell you this...
...but the vice-president
is mentally unbalanced.
I'm afraid so.
Really?
Crazy?
Certifiable.
How much do you usually get paid?
I don't know.
Depends.
Usually it's a...
...barter kind of thing.
Is this legal?
Have you ever driven through a red light?
You know...
...on an empty road when there's
nobody around and you know it's safe?
I'm not sure. I might have.
Well, let's say...
...let's say your mother
is in the car and you...
...have to get her to the hospital.
You'd do it then for sure, right?
Yes, I guess I would.
Now, let's say...
...the whole country...
...is in the car.
The entire United States of America.
-In the car?
-In the car.
I see what you mean.
Dave, the country is sick.
And you'll get it to the hospital.
These are the private quarters.
The president's bedroom is there,
the first lady's is there.
First lady?
You won't even see her.
They barely talk anymore.
-You're kidding.
-It happens.
And this is where you'll be sleeping.
You all right?
-It's very nice.
-Come this way.
I'm sure you'll be comfortable here.
We'll be back to get you in the morning.
The Secret Service man
is outside the door.
Good night, Mr. President.
Good night.
Sleep tight.
Thank you.
Nothing. Good night.
Nothing.
Good night.
At : last night, President Mitchell...
...coming home from giving
a speech to the Legal Counsel...
...suffered a minor circulatory problem
of the head.
Reports that he had suffered
a severe stroke are erroneous.
Doctors report that he should be back
to his normal schedule soon.
Now let me stress again,
this is a minor medical problem.
The president has complete use
of his faculties...
...and retains full executive authority.
Any questions?
The White House classifiesthe president's condition......as a slight circulatory problemof the head.While technically a stroke......White House spokesmen saythat his condition is far from serious......and he should be up and aboutsome time soon.
Do you know how many laws
we've broken?
It's simple, Alan.
We send the vice-president
to Africa or something.
We dig up some dirt on him
and then force him to resign...
...and get our president
to nominate a new one.
It will take a couple of weeks.
You mean, we get Dave
to nominate you as vice-president?
I was a senator.
Oh, I know.
And when our poor president
has another stroke...
...this time much more serious...
...our newly appointed VP becomes....
Jeez.
What about containment?
Thanks.
We got the nurses for grand apiece,
and the doctors for .
The older guy wanted a head of the CDC.
Is that everybody?
Duane's got his guys under control.
Good. What about her?
Her?
Oh, the first lady?
When she gave her speech at Bryn Mawr,
I managed to catch her before she left.
And?
I told her his blood pressure went up
after an incident at the hotel.
She hates him more than ever.
Fine.
Everybody else is buying
the ''minor stroke'' story.
Let's hope this yutz can pull it off.
These are amazing results. I must say,
even for a man with a minor stroke...
...you seem to have made
a remarkable recovery.
Great.
I'm feeling better.
No signs of paralysis.
No circulatory changes.
Your ECG is completely normal and...
...your blood pressure has gone down.
Have you been exercising recently?
Yes. I mean...
...bicycling and...
...weight lifting.
Looking after the diet.
Polo, climbing...
...like that.
Well, judging by these tests,
I see no reason why you can't...
...return to work in a few days.
-Great.
-Good.
Good.
Good.
Hold it.
Remember everybody's name, faces?
Keep it simple.
Course. Watch.
'Morning, ladies.
-Good to see you.
-Welcome back, sir.
Good to be back. Just a false alarm.
Nothing to worry about.
-Good morning, Mr. President.
-Nice to see you.
It's good to be alive, isn't it?
Good morning, Mr. President.
I was really worried.
I didn't know what was going on.
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Why didn't you call me?
-You really had me worried!
-Well, I'm fine.
-What's with her?
-Ignore it.
She's emotional.
She's attached to the president.
Remember, you are the president.
Okay, let's get back to work.
Sick time is done. Let's call the--
False alarm. I'm fine. Everything's fine.
He's okay.
Let's go over it again.
You met a girl. You fell in love.
And we're going away.
For a month.
-A month?
-Right. Don't embellish.
Do I need to dial nine?
As soon as we sat down...
...he pulls out this ring
and I got so emotional...
...I had to ask the waiter
to bring another napkin.
Hang on.
Kovic Temps.
Where are you?
You met who?
You're going where?
Cancun?
Oh, I think that's great.
She's very special. She's beautiful.
She's a princess.
She's really exotic and wonderful.
She's Polynesian.
Well, half Polynesian and half American.
She's Amnesian.
Hang up.
-She has a hang-up though.
-Hang up the phone.
Don't talk about that when you meet her.
I've gotta go now. I'll call you later. 'Bye.
It worked.
He's in love.
Thank God.
The president continued convalescing,
resting for the second day.
His personal physician
pronounced him in perfect health.
I have examined him thoroughly...
...and I don't believe I have ever seen
the president in better shape.
The president was able to attendto some official business Wednesday......and continues to be briefedon all areas of national concern.
The upper house and the lower house.
Senators are elected to six-year terms
and congressmen are elected to two.
Judiciary?
Veterans Affairs?
Mark Davis.
Agriculture?
Cows, cows, calves, Metcalf.
Lawrence Metcalf. He's right there.
So confident is the White Houseabout the president's recovery......that the vice-president has been senton a -nation African goodwill tour.
This is Sander Vanocur
at the White House.
First we'll go over mannerisms.
Alan has worked out a training program.
Great.
This is the briefing room...
...where the president
holds his press conferences.
This may seem strange at first, but...
...even real politicians have trouble
getting used to the cameras--
A TelePrompTer.
A TelePrompTer. Is it hooked up?
I don't think so.
As I was saying, no one expects you
to be Bill Mitchell overnight.
The most important thing
to remember is his general presence.
Now, whenever he stands at the podium...
...President Mitchell always has
one hand in the pocket of his coat.
At a press conference.
Otherwise, they're always on the podium.
I'm not certain about that.
Remember the convention speech?
''An America,
stronger than the one we were given.
''An America,
prouder than the one we found.''
Right there on the podium.
Except on ''America,'' he points.
That's very good.
Oh, I love that speech.
Thanks. I wrote it.
You did?
It's great!
''Somewhere, there is a distant light...
''...guiding us through this rocky shoal.
''America isn't what we say here tonight.
''lt's in the faces and the smiles
of a Sunday afternoon.
''lt's in the gentle kindness...
''...of the family kitchen...
''...as we gather together...
''...when the sun goes down.''
Can I keep this?
-I thought I wouldn't see her.
-Just five minutes.
She walks in, you wave, she leaves.
First lady. I mean,
couldn't I start with a cousin?
She hardly ever sees him.
It'll be fast, she won't be able to tell.
Stop whining.
If you can convince her,
you can convince anybody.
All right.
We're ready for Mrs. Mitchell.
As soon as she comes in,
we'll move you out to the balcony.
All you have to say is,
''Thanks for doing this, Ellen.''
''Thanks for doing this, Ellen.''
She doesn't always like this stuff.
It might soften her up.
''Thanks for doing this, Ellen.''
Why can't you die from a stroke
like everybody else?
What are you staring at?
Mrs. Mitchell, we're going to do it up here.
Who was she?
Another patriotic secretary?
Thank you for doing this, Ellen.
Go to hell, Bill.
I think we can start now.
And you can tell these two pit vipers...
...that this is the last one of these
I'll do for awhile.
You're doing just fine.
Wave!
Mr. President, how are you feeling?
Fine.
Fine.
Ready to get back to work?
You bet.
You bet.
I'm out of here.
Shit.
Are you making the decisions?
Are you back in charge?
Go!
Go, go, go!
Don't you have anything to say to me?
Thank you for doing this, Ellen.
You don't change, do you?
She hates me.
Wave to the camera. Wave to the camera.
Here we go. First we'll talk to...
...Ted on the new
Land Management Legislation.
I think if you refer to ltem
on the memorandum...
...you'll notice that the....
Slip your arms in there, and the machine
will do everything your arms do.
I once caught a fish...
...this big.
This is great.
Everybody!
Good boy!
Got you!
This guy has had a rebirth.
This is a different fella.
It's not often, but when you're right,
you're right.
There's been a transformation.
What's in the water over there?
It's not the water
or anything else you drank.
He has faced death in the eye
and has been transformed by it.
-The boss looks better since the stroke.
-Thanks, Mr. Speaker.
-He's doing well.
-Thanks.
-I'll tell him.
-Tell him I send him my best.
Good to see you.
Let me ask you a question now:
What is with the president lately?
The guy's been having too many
Happy Meals for lunch or what?
Let's talk about desserts.
What you don't want to do
is eat doughnuts.
No doughnuts.
Thank you, Arnold.
Arnold, thank you so much.
Want to Indian-wrestle?
Throwing out the ceremonial first pitch......the President of the United States.From the nation's capital,''the McLaughlin Group.''An unrehearsed program presentinginside opinions and forecasts...
...on major issues of the day.
Here's the moderator, John McLaughlin.
Issue : the new Bill Mitchell.
Two weeks after his brush with death...
...the president's bounding
around the country...
...with the energy
of a high-school track star.
Is this merely overcompensation...
...or the indefatigable greatness
of a truly great man?
Freddie Barnes?The illness just crystallizedhis thinking about his presidency.He realized he didn't have to be a zombie.He can show some life,even act like a child.He shows the same strength of characteras right after his election.The guy got sick.He recovered from illness.He's now rejuvenated.On a political rehabilitation scaleof zero to ten......rate the rehabilitation of our president.It's an eight. The zombie is gone.It's a three. The zombie will return.I think it's an . .He's still out to lunch, but looking good.The answer is eight. We'll be right back.
So the...
...first lady and the president....
What is that?
How long has that been going on?
I can't say.
You mean, you don't know
or you can't say?
I can't say.
Can't say.
So your job is to protect the president
all the time? That's your whole job?
Have a gun?
Ever use it?
Not yet.
I've always wondered about you guys.
They say you'd take a bullet
for the president.
What about it?
Is that true?
Would you let yourself be killed
to save his life?
Certainly.
So that means now you would
get killed for me, too.
It'd be great for you
and great for the president.
I'm sorry, the only time
I have available is the th.
Are you crazy?
That's the best I can do.
I'll get back to you.
You scheduled a day with the first lady?
-It's a homeless shelter.
-Oh, excuse me.
It's going to be great.
Caring about his wife,
spending time on her favorite issues.
I don't want him caring about his wife.
What about the vice-president?
The vice-president?
Well, you remember that First Liberty stuff
we almost got nailed on?
I just dumped it on him instead.
-When does it break?
-Few days.
Look at Dave's tracking polls.
They'll burn up in your hands.
Seventy-three percent with seniors,
eighty-four percent with working mothers.
We still gotta control this guy.
Why are you doing this?
What?
Since when do you care
about the homeless?
I care about the homeless.
I'm sure it's keeping you up nights.
Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. President.
Good morning, kids. How are you?
Thank you for that nice welcome.
They are all kids.
That's right, Bill. Kids are homeless, too.
Where are the parents?
A lot of them are in shelters,
but some are still on the street.
Shake hands.
Hi, there.
Hello.
-What's your name?
-Brandon.
How do you do?
What happens when kids
become homeless is...
...they lose communication skills.
So here they play a lot of games...
...that encourage kids to relate
to each other and to express themselves.
Oh, no, poor Joe...
...he has no hair.
Oh, no, poor Joe...
...he has no...
...eyes.
Right. Very good. Let's try one more.
Everybody together, now.
Everybody pay attention.
Oh, no, poor Joe.
-He has no....
-Feet.
Great, great, great. All right.
Hi, there.
What's your name?
David.
David?
Great name.
What are you doing here?
Nothing.
Hey, guys. Not now, okay?
Thanks.
Don't you like playing games with them?
Do you like magic?
It's okay.
Okay.
Watch this.
Where'd it go?
The answer is in this riddle.
What can run all day
without ever getting tired?
Do you know?
I'll give you a hint.
It's not your ear.
And it's not your mouth.
My nose.
Your nose.
Exactly. And look, there it is.
See? It was there all the time.
It went up in the air.
And fell on my nose.
Is the first lady still there?
Does she look mad?
Not really.
Good.
First cover of ''Time'' magazine
and I need a shave.
Tough little moment with the dog.
There you are on the cover.
Good, huh? Front page.
-That's you behind me.
-Where, what?
See? Here's me.
Look here.
You see those guys and then,
bing, there you are.
-This is me?
-Looking very strong and...
...forbidding.
Have you ever thought about wearing
a sweater! You'd blend in more.
There you are again,
coming off the helicopter.
Sweaters make my neck look too thick.
Really? You got a sweater vest?
You could wear a tie.
Would a sweater vest look good on me?
Where's the Simpson-Gardner paperwork?
Excuse me. It's right here.
-Just came in.
-I think he's going to veto it.
Bill Mitchell...
...votes no.
''Hail to the Chief
He's the one we all say 'Hail' to
''We all say 'Hail' to the Chief
'Cause he keeps himself so clean.''
He's got the power.
That's why he's in the shower.
I can't believe you would do
something like this.
Not even you.
How could you?
What?
Don't patronize me.
I'm not one of your bimbos.
And turn around.
I'm talking to you. Turn around.
Turn around.
If you want to be the same old selfish...
...bastard.
Go ahead. I've gotten used to it.
But don't put on this ''man of the people''
routine and then do something like this.
I don't understand.
You know that wasn't
a Works Bill you vetoed.
That would've given those kids homes!
When I think of that spectacle you put on
with that boy and the magic trick.
What's wrong with the magic trick?
It was some magic.
You made their funding disappear!
If there's some mistake--
When you veto their funding,
that's not a mistake.
When you hurt someone intentionally,
that's not a mistake.
Call Bob. Call Alan. I want to see them.
But it's : at night.
You got it.
What the hell is this?
What is this?
''The New York Times.''
No, this.
''President vetoes Works Bill.''
We vetoed that?
We didn't veto anything.
These things get awfully complicated
sometimes, and you have to--
The shelter was in this bill.
-Handle this.
-Believe me, Dave, if we could have--
Lots of shelters were in this bill.
Listen, you little shit!
The budget is a very complicated thing.
I don't understand it sometimes.
Occasionally, we have to make some cuts.
And in order--
But we went there.
-We saw those kids.
-Yes, you did.
And if you find a way to cut
$ million from the budget...
...you can keep your shelters.
And by the way...
...don't ever send for me again.
Can I help you?
I'm here to see the president.
Is that right?
He asked me to come.
And your name?
Murray Blum. B-L-U-M.
Come on, Dave.
-Sit down.
-I don't want to sit there.
-Come on.
-I don't want to. Please.
Okay, fine.
This place is probably bugged.
It's not bugged. It's okay, Murray.
You could get in so much trouble
if they find out.
-Who?
-The government.
I'm the government.
Wild, huh?
I can't tell you the whole story.
It's a national emergency thing.
You've gotta help me cut the budget.
You need to cut the budget?
About million dollars.
You look hungry?
Please come in here.
Just watch.
Yes, Mr. President?
We need two copies of the budget.
And could you arrange for dinner for two
in the dining room?
Right away, sir.
We have work to do
so we're not to be disturbed.
I understand, sir.
Do you think they could rustle up
some bratwurst and mustard?
I think it can be arranged.
I love bratwurst.
I know.
I've been over and over this stuff.
It doesn't add up.
Who does these books? If I ran
my office this way, I'd be out of business.
What can we do?
I see places you could save,
but I can't make those choices.
I'm not the president. I mean....
You know, I mean, I'm not the one
pretending to be the president.
I understand.
Let me try.
You?
Let me try.
You want to try?
All right. Here's something right here.
Look at that.
It's a work of art.
Look at this.
''Vice-president linked to S&L scandal.''
Alan, you're a genius. We're on our way.
What's with the cameras?
Hundredth cabinet meeting.
It'll be a nice touch.
Oh, right.
Good morning, Mr. President.
How's everyone?
Before we get started...
...l'd like to go over the budget.
-Anything on the budget today?
-No, I don't think so.
I've found some ways to put back
the homeless section...
...of the Works Bill.
Mr. President, I don't believe
that's on your agenda today.
No, it's a last minute change, Bob.
Now, the way I see it,
we need $ million in order to...
...keep the project.
Some of this can be done...
-...through some simple changes...
-It's all right.
...in our cash management.
For example...
...according to the OMB, we've got...
... defense contractors
who are delinquent in their contracts.
Is this true?
I believe so.
Even though...
...they're late,
we keep paying them on time?
Well, in a sense.
Okay, now...
...instead of paying them
for something they haven't finished...
...we could hold back that cash,
put it in an interest-bearing--
Mr. President.
Nothing.
Great.
Like I was saying, if we took that cash
and stuck it in a savings account...
...we'd be making
$ million a month in interest.
Well, technically, that's true, but....
I suppose it's true.
Okay, so that's $ million...
...times months.
Good.
Fortunately, money management
gets us halfway to our goal.
In order to get the rest of the money,
we'll have to make some tough choices.
The Commerce Department.
Yes, Mr. President?
We're spending $ million
on an ad campaign...
''...to boost consumer confidence
in the American auto industry.''
It's designed to bolster
individual confidence...
...in a previous domestic
automotive purchase.
We're spending $ million for somebody
to feel good about a car they bought?
I wouldn't categorize it that way.
I'm sure that's important, but...
...I don't want to tell an eight-year-old kid
he's gotta sleep in the street...
...because we want people
to feel better about their car.
Do you want to tell him that?
No, sir.
No, I sure don't.
Well then, that's another $ million.
So this is good. Real good.
We're on our way.
Let me just add that to the tally here.
That'll be plus ....
Five, carry the one...
...makes $ million...
...which means we can keep the program.
-Thank you, sir.
-Thank you for your help.
Excuse me.
What is it?
You won't believe what your husband did.
I'll kill him.
You can't kill a president.
He's not a president.
He's an ordinary person.
I can kill an ordinary person.
I can kill ordinary people.
He's only doing what you told him to.
What I told him to?
I heard you. You said,
''Cut $ million off the budget...
-''...and you can keep your shelters.''
-I didn't mean it.
Why would I want to save a shelter?
He was only doing his job!
His job? His job? It's not his job!
It's my job!
Will you calm down?
Was he on the Trilateral Commission?
Was he a senator?
Was he in ''Who's Who''
nine years in a row?
Hello, Judy.
I'll destroy him. I'll shred him!
I'll lock him away.
Then we'll all go to jail together.
What do you mean by that?
What do you think I mean?
Are you threatening me?
Well....
Yeah.
I guess I am.
Thanks, Murray.
You did great.
Maybe you can come back.
We can go to Camp David.
Camp David?
Get out of here as fast as you can.
Come on, seven.
Come on, six.
We both lose.
We both lose.
I saw your light was on, so I....
Mind if I sit down?
Please.
Would you like....
No, thanks.
That was quite a thing you did today.
Anyone would've done that.
I don't think so.
You helped a lot of people.
You know...
...it kind of reminded me...
...of that thing you did a long time ago
in the state legislature.
Me, too.
You weren't in the state legislature.
Hi, I'm Ellen Mitchell.
Who're you?
I'll make this easy on you.
I never see him anymore.
I barely know him anymore.
I'd just kind of like to know where he is.
This could get me in trouble.
Open it, please, Duane.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry, you're not allowed in here.
-We have strict instructions.
-I'll explain it later.
What happened?
It was a stroke.
It's pretty bad.
I don't understand.
Is he going to....
I'm sorry.
You're leaving?
I'm not the first lady anymore.
I shouldn't be here.
Where're you going?
Home.
Where's home?
Can we stop with the questions?
I'm really not in the mood.
Souvenirs. Towels and stuff.
You're leaving, too?
I never wanted to hurt anybody.
I even thought I was helping.
You know...
...you make this little deal
with yourself that...
...you can put up
with all the other women and...
...you can even do without a life and...
...you can even do without children...
...because you believe
in what you're doing and think....
You thought you had a chance
to help people.
How are you gonna get home?
I don't know. I hadn't really...
...thought it out that far.
Are you sure this goes somewhere?
They say LBJ used it all the time.
Duane said he'd leave a car
right over there.
When did you...
...first know? I mean, about me?
In the car, I think.
On the way to the shelter,
you looked at my legs.
Bill stopped looking a long time ago.
I thought it was in the shower.
Oh, my God.
Police.
-What'd you do?
-I don't know.
-See your driver's license, sir?
-Here.
And registration.
No, I must've left it at home.
Step out of the car, please.
-Both of us?
-Both of you, please.
You may not be aware...
...but there is a ''No left turn'' sign
just down the block.
You went through it.
I don't know what was I thinking.
We're look-alikes.
Not like each other, but--
I know what you think.
People hire us to impersonate
the president and first lady.
We work out of an agency.
You sure look like him.
Thanks. We work very hard at it.
She got her hair cut to look--
Perfect match.
We just played the Sapperstein wedding.
They loved us.
We did our Club Med routine...
...where they go down to Club Med...
...and Bill Mitchell says,
''at I want an hour of volleyball...
''...and then at I want
a complete briefing on the surf situation.''
And then the big finale at the Talent Club.
''The sun'll come out tomorrow.
''Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow....''
I'm okay.
''There'll be sun
''Just thinking about tomorrow
''Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow
''Till there's none
''Tomorrow
''Tomorrow, I love you
''Tomorrow
''lt's only a day away
''Tomorrow, tomorrow
''We love you, tomorrow
''You're only a day away''
Thank you. Thanks.
We haven't worked out the final harmony.
This is a full-time job?
Yeah, lately.
Lately, it's been pretty much full-time.
Mr. and Mrs. Kovic,
I'm not going to give you a ticket.
You're not?
You should save all the money you have.
He won't give us a ticket.
He says we should save our money.
That's very funny.
You're very good.
But she needs a lot of work.
Yes, I know. She's kind of new at it.
Drive safely.
Thank you, Officer. Thank you very much.
I'm not sure I'm this hungry.
Wait. This is a very special sandwich.
This is good.
What's in it?
That's a secret.
You have a lot of secrets.
I guess.
So, what do you do the rest of the time?
When I'm not running the country?
I run a temp agency.
You know, secretaries and stuff.
You find people jobs?
Is that funny?
It's just more than most people do here.
Don't get carried away.
I'm not that good at it.
And your family?
I assume you're married.
I was.
Once.
It didn't take.
You know, Dave--
It is Dave, isn't it?
I can't keep this a secret.
Yeah, I know.
I liked doing it though.
I mean, not the fancy stuff with all...
...the helicopters
and the TV cameras, but...
...I liked saving that shelter.
I liked helping people
that I hadn't even met before.
Just then, I felt I wasn't
pretending anymore.
I don't think you were pretending.
What would you do if you were still in?
I mean, if you had one more chance
to be president....
What would you do then?
Lots of things.
Excuse me. You can't stop here.
No visitors.
Mr. President?
-I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realize--
-Just getting fresh air.
Certainly, sir.
I was wondering, if you don't mind,
how did you get--
The president wanted some ice cream.
You make a nice president, Dave Kovic.
Thanks.
See you.
We are glad you're visiting
the White House.
Keep moving, folks. We're walking.
More than a million visitors come here
every year...
...making it the most frequently
toured home in the country.
We're walking and we're stopping.
Whatever changes
from one administration to the next...
...the White House always maintains
its dignity.
We're walking.
He's walking.
He's Bob Alexander, the chief of staff.
I can't believe it!
What an honor for all of you.
Forty-two presidents have lived
in the White House.
I had no part in this. He called her.
What do you think you're doing?
You mean, the press conference?
I have a couple ideas
to share with the country.
Share?
Share?
You don't call a press conference.
I call a press conference.
You're nothing. Do you understand?
You're nobody.
I'm not nobody.
You're lint!
You're a flea!
You're a blip!
Well...
...maybe I am.
But you're fired!
I said you're fired. Get out of here.
I'm fired?
You're fired!
Fine.
Fine?
Fine.
The whole press corps is out there.
Should I go tell them?
Or did you want to?
Darling, they're waiting in the Press Room.
I think you should get in there.
I'm sorry. I thought we were alone.
I'd like your resignation on my desk
by the time I get back.
Don't touch anything on that desk.
What's up?
It must be the vice-president.
The ex-vice-president.
He'll be a prison reformer soon.
They're coming. Let's go.
Good luck.
Thanks for coming on such short notice.
I'd like to begin
with an announcement that...
...may come as a surprise for you.
I've...
...asked Bob Alexander to resign
as White House chief of staff.
Over the last months, Bob and I
came to believe in different things.
He thinks this country's fine and we
should go about doing business as usual.
I just don't feel that way.
Not anymore.
Because things aren't fine.
We've got so many problems,
we don't want to look at them anymore.
They blend together into a big noise...
...and soon we can't hear ourselves think.
But that's not even the worst part.
The worst part is...
...we feel we can't do anything about it.
And that's a tragedy...
...because we can.
We don't know where to start;
maybe that's what it is.
But I have an idea...
...of where we can start.
From today...
...l'm making it the responsibility
of this government...
...to find a job for every American
who wants one.
Have you seen the look
in someone's face...
...the day they finally get a job?
I've had some experience with this.
They look like they could fly.
And it's not about the paycheck.
It's about looking in the mirror...
...and knowing you've done
something valuable with your day.
And if one person could start
to feel that way, then others....
Soon all these other problems
we're facing may not seem so...
...impossible.
You don't know what you can do
until you...
...stand up and decide to try.
That's it. Let's get to work. Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. President.
In the boldest initiative yet
of the new Mitchell administration...
...the president has proposed
a full employment program...
...unparalleled since the days of FDR.
The proposal brought swift reaction,
here on Capitol Hill.
The president's on the right track.
We should be putting people to work.
It's better to have people working
than collecting welfare checks.
We're carrying the water for him.
I've carried a lot of water for him.
And then now to say this.
The guy's out to lunch.
The lights are on but no one's home.
I love it. It's great. All we've gotta do is
cut ''Star Wars'' and we can pay for it.
I want to look at Mitchell's proposal
to see how he intends to pay for it.
It's like the program I presented
when I ran for president four years ago.
Has the president taken leave
of his faculties? I'm asking you.
It's the definition of modern leadership.
You set out a bold goal
and you don't say how you'll do it.
They tried this in Russia
and wrecked the country.
I wonder if the Communists got to him?
If you look at a photo of Mitchell...
...taken before the stroke and one after,
you will see distinct differences.
Are you saying this is a conspiracy?
Yes, I am saying it's a conspiracy.
Do you think you're a bit paranoid?
Have you compared the photographs?
This is crazy.
The ''US News'' hammered us, but they're
always tough. Rosenthal loved us.
That's good.
Mr. Nance is waiting for you.
-Who?
-The vice-president.
The vice-president.
Nance. I thought--
I want my ears checked.
Sorry, I didn't understand.
Ever since the stroke I get a little--
Oh, my God!
Mr. President...
...these are a gift of the King of Togo.
Fertility beads.
And these are from the people of Burundi.
Thank you.
They know hats in Burundi. Look.
Mr. President,
may I speak frankly with you?
Yes, please. Sit down.
It's good to see you.
I know we don't always get along.
We've disagreed, politically.
And I suppose I know
what you think of me personally.
But I've tried to respect
the role you wanted me to play.
When I disagreed with this administration,
I've kept it to myself.
When you wanted my support,
you always had it.
Damn it, Bill.
How could you do
something like this to me?
Do what?
Come on, we're not children!
I didn't have anything to do with this
First Liberty nonsense and you know it!
First Liberty.
All I've got is my integrity, Bill.
That's all I have left.
I don't know why you've turned
your attack dogs on me.
They're not my attack dogs.
What?
I'll take care of this.
-We made it up.
-What do you mean?
We had to, Dave. The guy's a Boy Scout.
But this is wrong.
Wrong?
I know. It looks awfully bad
and I'm really embarrassed, but....
It was Bob's idea.
When I first began to look into
the allegations concerning First Liberty...
...I thought the wrongdoing
was restricted to the vice-president.
You better take a look at this.
But as I began to investigate,I realized that......this pattern of corruptionextended much higher.I was saddened to discover at least ......separate acts of interventionby this administration......most with the full knowledgeof the president, and all of them illegal.Federal regulators were influenced......records were destroyed......and pressure was brought to bear......in some cases......by President Mitchell himself.
-Now he's making up stuff about me.
-He's not.
He's not?
I did all that?
You didn't. Bill Mitchell did.
This is a mistake.
We shouldn't be doing this.
I can't go into hiding.
Is this job stuff just a smoke screen?
I don't know how else to put it.
This dog won't hunt.
We may be able to hold off
on this First Liberty thing for a while...
...but if you're pushing this new jobs--
Just put us on a spit and bring the sauce.
-lf you'd just wait a few months.
-Yeah, wait.
I don't want to wait. We can't.
Mr. President,
I understand how you feel, but...
...we're talking about obstructing
federal regulators...
...violating election laws.
I got people up on the Hill
talking about impeachment.
What is with President Mitchell lately?
I know the president's supposed to serve
four years, but now it may be to .
We make fun of the president.But it's a tough job.Today the president woke up, brokethe law, got caught and pardoned himself.That is a full day.
Mr. President...
...may I come in?
A dirty business we're in, sometimes.
Mr. President...
...whatever happens, I want you to know,
I think your jobs program is...
...a wonderful idea.
Thanks.
Not many people will
pay attention now, but....
Thanks.
Would you like to...
...sit down for a minute?
Do you ever...
...think back to how you got started?
I was a shoe salesman.
But not happy about it.
One day, my wife says to me:
''Why don't you run for office?
''You talk about it all the time.
''Why don't you just do it?''
So I tell my boss...
...I have a dentist appointment...
...and I go down
to the Registrar of Voters...
...on my lunch break.
Next thing I know, I'm a councilman.
Really?
My wife is my campaign manager.
We had...
...a budget of $ with advertising.
How about you?
Me?
How did you get started?
Kind of the same way.
Vice-president's a good man, isn't he?
He's a very good man.
I don't want to lose you.
The president requested this rare,
joint session of Congress...
...so he can personally answer
the allegations raised by Bob Alexander...
...his former chief of staff.
It's hard to recall the last timeboth houses of Congress......convened without any ideaof what the president plans to say.One would speculate that it's aboutthe charges against Mitchell and Nance.Those rumors have circulatedon Capitol Hill for several weeks.
It's time to go. Better get inside.
It's set with Duane? Everything's here?
Okay, let's go.
Relax.
Enjoy the moment.
-Hello, Ben.
-Big day, Bob.
-Thanks for coming.
-I wouldn't miss it.
You know the Claghorns?
Hey, Bob, what do you think?
Put that away.
Let's wait till the speech first.
The House will be in order!
The House will be in order!
Mr. Speaker,
the President of the United States.
Thank you.
Here it comes.
Mr. Speaker.Vice-President.Members of the Congress.Fellow Americans.
I wish I could be here today
under different circumstances.
There are many things
about this country we should discuss.
But I realize that's not possible now.
As you know, my former chief of staff
has implicated me in a scandal...
...involving
the First Liberty Savings and Loan.
Once people start discussing a scandal,
it's hard to talk about anything else.
Let's talk about it.
Bob Alexander has accused me of--
I'll read this to make sure I get it right.
''...illegally influencing regulators
on behalf of campaign contributors...
''...interfering with an ongoing
Justice Department investigation...
''...and violating federal election laws
in the area of campaign finance.''
Let's get to the guts of it.
Each one of these charges is true.
Die, you pond scum.
I'm the president, and as they say,
the buck stops here.
So I take full responsibility
for every one of my illegal actions.
But that's not the whole story.
And I think each one of you
is entitled to the whole truth.
I have here written proof...
...in the form of notes,
memoranda and personal directives...
...proving that Bob Alexander
was also involved...
...in each of these incidents,and in most cases, planned them as well.
Allegations of wrongdoing
have also been made against Nance.
As this evidence will prove, at no time...
...and in no way was the vice-president
involved in any of these.
Bob just made all that up.
Vice-President Nance...
...is a good and decent public servant...
...and I'd like to apologize
for any pain this caused him or his family.
While we're on the subject...
...l'd like to apologize
to the American people.
You see...
...I forgot that I was hired
to do a job for you...
...and it was just a temp job.
I forgot I had million people...
...who were paying me
to make their lives a bit better.
I didn't live up to my part of the bargain.
There are certain things
you should expect from your president.
I had to care more about you
than I do about me.
I had to care more about...
...what's right than I do about
what's popular.
I ought to be willing to give up
this whole thing...
...for something I believe in...
...because if I'm not...
...if I'm not....
If I'm not....
If I'm not, then...
...maybe I don't belong here on a first....
Get a doctor!
Well?
Well?
You okay getting home?
Yeah, it's not far.
Take care.
I would've taken a bullet for you.
Thanks, Duane.
The stroke hit at : p.m......just as the president was concludinghis remarks to a joint session of Congress.Spokesmen of the First Naval Hospital......have confirmed it was a massive edema.Unlike his previous stroke,it has left the president incapacitated.The nation mournedas President William Harrison Mitchell......was laid to rest atArlington National Cemetery.After lingering in a comafor almost five months......the president succumbed Thursday,at : p.m.In a bittersweet ceremony in the capital,Vice-President Gary Nance......was officially sworn in todayas the th president of the United States.Under the terms of the th Amendment,Nance was acting with full authority......since Bill Mitchell's incapacitation.I plan to continueBill Mitchell's call to arms.This isn't my presidency,it's his presidency.And I can't think of a better wayto ensure his legacy......than to continuethe principles he initiated.Bob Alexander and eight other membersof the Mitchell administration......were indicted on countsof election law violations......and obstruction of justice.Ironically, the indictments camejust hours......after passage of the Mitchell Jobs Bill fora comprehensive employment program.
We have limited amounts of posters,
so no buttons in the envelopes.
Dave Kobic. Time for a change.
Kovic. Kovic.
We have a limited amount of posters.
Put them in busy places.
She's terrific. She'll do anything.
Okay, but she's changed.
It's the middle of winter.
They'll turn off her heat. She needs a job.
Would you like to volunteer?
You're a good man.
Did you get the fund-raising thing
I sent you? City Council.
We have flyers here.
We're on a roll now. Karen, you got a job.
It's Monday.
And everybody works on Monday.
I understand you find people jobs?
You look great!
I saw you on TV at the funeral and....
That's finally over.
Why don't we go into my office?
Excuse us.