Voila! Finally, the Demolition Man
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Sandra Bullock,
Wesley Snipes, and Sylvester Stallone. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Demolition Man. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Remember when they let
commercial airlines land in this town?
I don't understand where we're going...
...or why we're bothering anyhow.
-You're doing a good deed.
-Give us a better reason.
A maniac hijacked a municipal bus
with 53 passengers on it.
I got a hunch where those passengers are
and who that maniac is.
Share it with us.
Phoenix.
Simon Phoenix.
Send a maniac to catch one.
Phoenix!
Don't move, Phoenix.
You're under arrest.
Arrest? Shit.
And you're trespassing.
Where are the passengers?
Oh, yes, the passengers.
Well, they're....
Fuck you.
The passengers are gone.
See, I told the city,
"Look, nobody comes down here."
Postmen figured it out...
...policemen figured it out.
But the goddamn bus drivers
just wouldn't listen.
Last time, Phoenix.
Where are the hostages?
To hell with the hostages!
This is between you and me!
What you got?
Do something.
Go ahead.
You're up to your ass in gasoline.
I'll set your ass on fire.
Is it cold in here...
...or is it just me?
Where are they, Phoenix?
Now, where did I put them?
I swear, I'd lose my head
if it wasn't attached.
I'll keep that in mind.
Damn it, I'm tired
of this "demolition-man" shit!
You were not supposed
to come down here!
You were not supposed to attempt
the arrest of Phoenix alone...
...or to blow anything up!
It wasn't me! He dumped the gas
and rigged the place to blow!
Right, you weren't involved.
I know you've tried
to nail this psycho for years.
But remember a thing called...
...official police procedure?
-Where are the hostages?
-They're not here.
What?
He must've stashed them someplace else!
Are you sure they weren't in there?
I did a thermo check and there were eight
of them, all part of his gang.
Wrong again!
You got something to say?
Get him out of here!
Motherfucker!
We are going to have a chat.
Captain!
Over here! There're bodies everywhere!
There must be or .
They're everywhere.
See that? I told him!
He said he didn't care!
How could you sacrifice
all those innocent people for me!
What kind of man are you?
We'll spend a lot of quality time together.
'Bye, sweetie!
Honey! Sugar!
If you got a lawyer, better call him.
John Spartan, you've done great deeds
for Los Angeles.
So, it is with some regret that l,
William Smithers...
...acting as Assistant Warden,
hereby carry out this sentence.
Skip it.
You've been sentenced to years...
...sub-zero re-habilitation
in the California Cryo-Penitentiary...
...for the involuntary manslaughter
of civilians.
Skip it.
You'll be placed in cryo-stasis
for the duration of your sentence...
...and your behavior will be altered
through synaptic suggestion.
You'll be eligible for parole
no earlier than the year .
I'm sorry.
All personnel...
...the next scheduled parole hearing
for prisoner Gilmour...
...will take place at : .
Warden William Smithers
report to Level A, conference room.
Mellow greetings.
Be well, Lieutenant Lenina Huxley.
As it is a beautiful...
...Monday morning and as my duty log
irrationally requires it...
...l'm querying you
on the prison population.
Does the tedium continue?
Your question is amusing but irrelevant.
The prisoners are ice cubes.
They never move.
I find this lack of stimulus
to be truly disappointing.
-Don't you think?
-I try not to.
You're young, think all you want.
Things don't happen anymore,
we've taken care of all that.
I'll fiber-op you back
after the parole hearings.
Have a peachy day.
Be well.
Be well.
Vector .
Upcoming, Santa Monica Boulevard.
Retina coding accepted.
Warden Smithers, be well.
Go on.
Self-drive on.
Self-drive engaged.
Coding on.
No police presence is requested
in the city at this time.
Report to the station.
Oh, boy, how exciting.
That's it.
"Food, glorious food. "
There'll be another in hours.
These assholes are predictable.
God, I hate this place!
There's not enough of us, Friendly.
That doesn't really matter anymore.
People are hungry.
We've nothing to lose.
Greetings.
Lovely Lenina.
Greetings, welcome
to the emergency line of the SAPD.
If you prefer an automated response,
press one now.
Be well.
Mellow greetings, Lenina Huxley.
Let me guess, all is serene?
On the contrary, it's been a horrific a.m.
Public buildings were defaced.
Walls smudged with...
...scandalous graffiti.
Really?
Brutal. Why wasn't there
an "all-cars notify"?
Because there was no need
to create widespread panic.
Lieutenant Huxley...
...l monitored your disheartening
and distressing comments...
...to the warden this morning.
Do you really long for chaos
and disharmony?
Your fascination with the th century
is affecting your judgment.
You realize you're setting a bad example
for other officers and personnel.
Thank you for the attitude readjustment.
Info assimilated.
Sanctimonious asshole.
Lenina Huxley, you are fined / credit...
...for a 'sotto voce' violation
of the verbal-morality statute.
Thank you.
That was tense.
That was tense?
Don't you get bored code tracing perps
who break curfew and tell dirty jokes?
I find my job deeply fulfilling.
I just can't get over the reality
of this office, Lenina.
You're still addicted to the th century.
High from its harshness.
Buzzed by its brutality.
Holy smokes!
Is there anything in this office which
doesn't violate Contraband Ordinance ?
Only you.
Don't you ever want something to happen?
Goodness, no.
I knew you'd say that.
What I wouldn't give for some action.
Mr. Simon Phoenix.
One of our first
and most illustrious members.
Allow me...
...to welcome you to your parole hearing.
Let's get this over quickly.
Twenty-nine years ago,
the parole system, as you know it...
...was rendered obsolete.
Federal Statute - ....
Stop it!
Do you have anything fresh to say
on your behalf?
I thought not.
Yeah.
I do.
Teddy bear.
How'd you know the password?
I wish I knew.
Simon says: die.
Warden...
...let's get this over quickly.
Retina coding accepted,
Warden William Smithers.
Be well.
Yeah, you too.
. .
Northwest quadrant. .
Oh, my!
I don't believe it!
Northwest quadrant. .
What's a ?
I don't know.
Cryo-prison.
Level .
Identify code .
MDK.
MurderDeathKill.
MurderDeathKill!
Last recorded offense, September .
Initiate search, confirming location.
Cryo-prison, Level .
Two code 's:
Officer John D'Argent, guard.
Officer Alfred Pamela, guard.
Tracking.
Live transmission diagnostic check,
Warden William Smithers.
Injuries: severe eye trauma,
ruptured spleen...
...punctured lung...
...broken rib, internal bleeding.
Condition critical.
Vital signs failing.
Imminent death.
Subject deceased.
Warden William Smithers...
...born February th, ...
...died August th, .
-What's the matter with all of you?
-The cryo-prison.
Three non-sanctioned life terminations.
Do you wish to assign a coroner?
MurderDeathKills!
Three MDKs!
Access cryo-pen's hearing schedule.
Display a list of people interviewed
for parole.
Accessing cryo-prison processing.
Restricted information.
Cocteau Cryo-prison,
morning hearing schedule.
August th, active file.
: a.m.: Hyde, Quentin.
Peterson, Scott.
- Phoenix.
-It's Phoenix!
- : ....
-Who?
Simon Phoenix.
I knew him.
He's evil in a way you've never read about.
He's a criminal the likes
of which you've never seen.
Hold that thought.
Simon Phoenix's code, now.
Access code for Phoenix, Simon.
-No code found.
-L- are you getting a virus?
-Of course not.
-You don't get it.
Phoenix isn't coded.
He was chilled in the th...
...before they started lo-jacking everybody.
Declared his own kingdom
in South Central LA.
In a bad time...
-...he was the worst.
-Emergency, code .
Emergency, code .
Locating stopped code.
MurderDeathKill. MurderDeathKill.
Location...
...Cryo-prison, parking area.
Cryo-prison, Level ....
Main cryo-prison parking zone.
Enhancing image.
Tracking Dr. Mostow.
deceased.
Do you wish to assign a coroner?
Is the doctor's car still in the lot?
The answer is no. Car missing.
Doctor's conveyance is not
in parking zone. It is in motion.
Locate precise code-fix
on doctor's conveyance.
Fixing location. Beverly Hills.
Robertson.
Doheny.
Beverly Drive.
Vehicle has been code-fixed...
...approaching the corner of Wilshire
and Santa Monica Boulevard.
Glorious.
Fine work.
All nearby units, ProtectServe...
...Wilshire and Santa Monica.
-Unit ProtectServe.
-Apprehend fugitive.
Proceed with extreme assertiveness.
Doctor's vehicle has been code-fixed.
Approaching the corner of Wilshire
and Santa Monica Boulevard.
Lately I just don't feel like
there's anything special about me.
You are an incredibly sensitive man...
...who inspiresjoy-joy feelings
in all those around you.
-Get out of here!
-Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Greetings, Citizen! How are you feeling
on this glorious day?
You look great today!
I feel good too.
Angeles lnformation Network.
Automated banking.
Damn, I'm possessed.
I wonder if I can play the accordion too.
File code accepted.
Friendly, Edgar. Code level .
Listed offenses: civil unrest....
Don't you hear a thought repeating
in that brain ofyours?
The name Friendly, Edgar?
Edgar Friendly.
Don't you have ajob to do?
Don't you have someone to kill?
Someone to kill.
Someone to kill.
"Gun, " noun. Portable firearm.
This device was widely utilized
in the urban wars of the late th century.
Referred to as a "pistol. "
I don't need a history lesson.
Where are the goddamn guns?
You are fined one credit for a violation
of the verbal-morality statute.
Fuck you.
Your repeated violation
has caused me to notify the police.
Please remain where you are
for your reprimand.
Yeah, right.
The fuckers are fast too.
You are fined one credit for violation
of the verbal-morality statute.
ProtectServe in place.
Four minutes, fifteen seconds lapse.
Maniac is imminent. Request advice.
With a firm tone of voice...
...demand maniac lie down
with hands behind back.
Simon Phoenix!
Lie down with your hands
behind your back!
What's this?
Six ofyou. Such nice, tidy uniforms.
Oh, I'm so scared.
You guys don't have sarcasm any more?
Maniac responded scornfully.
Approach and repeat ultimatum
in an even firmer tone of voice.
Add the words: "or else. "
Lie down on the ground...
...or else!
Anti-Graffiti Activation Program...
...activated.
Aborted.
Human presence detected.
Safety override code accepted.
Lucky number seven.
We're police officers!
We're not trained to handle this kind
of violence!
Wait for me!
Stupid.
Simon says: everybody sing!
"And the home
"Of the brave"
Play ball!
We've lost every camera for six blocks.
Go to Century City, millimeters.
He's going for the vehicle's battery coil.
It's pure capacitance gel.
The problem is not the defacement
ofpublic buildings or...
...the noise pollution caused
by the exploding devices.
Allow me to explain.
The real problem lies
in the man whose initials...
...mark the detonating graffiti...
...on the streets of our peaceful city.
The man behind the "E.F."...
...Mr. Edgar Friendly.
For a sadly extended period of time...
...we in San Angeles...
...have been plagued by a pack
of subterranean hooligans.
You will come to know them as "scraps."
Men and women who have left the comfort
of our society...
...only to spew hostility...
...at the very bosom
they have relinquished.
There was a time when we used
to look upon these scraps...
...as rather pathetic
and relatively harmless.
Now they have a leader.
Mr. Friendly seems relentless
in his ambition...
...to infect our harmony with his venom.
He must, of course...
...be stopped.
This radical terrorist behavior,
led by Mr. Friendly...
...must not be allowed
to undermine our safety.
"Safety Above All."
I expect your trust,
confidence and certitude.
Excuse me.
Dr. Cocteau...
...a cryo-con has effected self-release
from the penitentiary.
It's quite horrific. MurderDeathKills,
all categories of chaos.
Enhance your calm.
"Be well" them for me.
Get me Captain George Earle immediately.
It was just....
It was so....
How can a man be so blatantly sadistic?
It was fun for him.
Do everything in your power
to snare this agent of destruction.
You have my utmost confidence.
It will be done, Dr. Cocteau.
Be well.
"Utmost confidence."
"Everything in our power."
What else is there?
Zachary Lamb...
...how was the fiendish Phoenix
apprehended back in the th?
Twelve-state manhunt.
Satellite surveillance.
A video bite on Unsolved Mysteries.
None of them worked.
In the end, it took just one man.
One cop.
John Spartan.
John Spartan?
That's right.
They called him the "Demolition Man."
Spartan file LAPD.
Spartan file C, LAPD.
Are you sure this is real life?
Barely.
Spartan's a legend.
I've been doing a historical study.
Over arrests over three years.
All authentic criminals.
There was a lot more business back then.
How can youjustify
destroying a $ million mini mall...
...to rescue a girl
whose ransom is only $ ?
Fuck you, lady.
Good answer.
This is your recommendation?
The Demolition Man's an animal.
He's clearly the man for a job such as this.
You could reinstate him.
He's a muscle-bound grotesque...
...who hasn't worn a shield in years.
Simon Phoenix is an old-fashioned criminal.
We need an old-fashioned cop.
Cryo-fac - is ready
for routine maintenance and inspection.
John Spartan, .
Pulmonary activity approaching normal.
Body temperature, % and rising.
Biolink engaged.
Laser defibrillation sequence started.
Plasma transfer in seconds.
Plasma transfer, seconds...
... seconds...
... seconds....
Plasma transfer complete.
MTL complete.
Hunting down an escaped cryo-con...
...by releasing another one?
I am unconvinced.
It's within the powers of the police charter.
He can be released on limited parole
and reinstated to active duty.
It's not enough to collect the ' s?
Cocteau said everything in our power.
I can't think of a better idea.
That doesn't mean it's a good one.
This man comes from a dissimilar method
of law enforcement.
I'm not sure he's any different
than Simon Phoenix himself.
Detective?
I am Lieutenant Lenina Huxley.
The year is .
The reason you have been released is--
How long have I been under?
Thirty-six years.
I had a wife.
What happened to my wife?
Her light was extinguished
in the Big One of .
She died.
In an earthquake.
The earthquake.
I had a daughter.
What happened to her?
John Spartan.
I am Chief of Police George Earle.
We didn't thaw you out
for a family reunion.
Consider it fortunate that the lieutenant
did a probe on your wife.
This is about you
and the cryo-con Simon Phoenix.
What?
Today Simon Phoenix escaped from
this cryo-facility. We've had murders...
...so far.
You see, we've become a society
of peace-loving...
...and understanding and we are,
quite frankly, not equipped...
...to deal with this situation.
There's been no deaths of unnatural causes
in San Angeles for years.
Where?
The Santa Barbara, Los Angeles,
San Diego Metroplex merged in .
You are in what used to be LA.
That's great.
-You, get me a Marlboro.
-Yes, of course.
What's a Marlboro?
It's a cigarette. Any cigarette.
Smoking is not good for you.
Anything not good for you is bad.
Hence, illegal. Alcohol, caffeine,
contact sports, meat--
Are you shitting me?
You are fined one credit for violation
of the verbal-morality statute.
What the hell is that?
-You are fined one credit....
-Bad language...
...chocolate, gasoline, uneducational toys
and spicy food.
Abortion is illegal, so is pregnancy
if you don't have a license.
Caveman...
...let's finish with the Rip Van Winkle
and get moving.
Our Mr. Phoenix has risen from the ashes.
I tracked that dirtbag for two years...
...and when I finally bring him down
you turn me into an ice cube.
Thanks, but no thanks.
The conditions of your parole
are full reinstatement into the SAPD...
...and immediate assignment
to the apprehension of Phoenix.
Or...
...you can go back into cryo-stasis.
Not many people get a second chance,
John Spartan.
Any new inforama on Simon Phoenix?
There is nothing, Lenina Huxley.
Where's Spartan?
He went to the bathroom.
I guess he got all thawed out.
I formally convey my presence.
How are you doing?
We're not used
to physical-contact greetings.
I don't know...
...if you guys know it but...
...you're out of toilet paper.
Did you say "toilet paper"?
They used handfuls of wadded paper...
...back in the th.
I'm happy you're happy,
but in place of toilet paper...
...you've got a shelf with three seashells.
He doesn't know how to use the seashells.
I can see how that'd be confusing.
I don't believe it. Is that you, Spartan?
Zach Lamb?
What happened to you?
I got older.
My God, I remember when you were...
...a rookie pilot.
They finally grounded me.
Shit, you were a damn good flyer.
You're fined two credits for violation
of the verbal-morality statute.
I'll be right back.
They seem to be friends, yet...
...he speaks to him
in the most profane manner.
If you'd read my study, you'd know
this is how heterosexual men bonded.
I knew that.
Thanks a lot you shit-brained,
fuck-faced, ball-breaking, duck-fucking...
-...pain in the ass.
-You're fined five credits...
...for repeated violations
of the verbal-morality statute.
So much for the seashells.
See you in a few minutes.
Voice check, Lenina Huxley.
Unfortunately Simon Phoenix
was not coded.
While you were sleeping
a code was installed on everyone.
It was a brilliant idea by Dr. Cocteau.
An organic microchip...
...is sewn into the skin.
Sensors all over the city
can zero in on anyone at any time.
I can't even conceive of what
police officers did before it was developed.
We worked. This fascist crap
makes me want to puke.
What do you think you're scratching?
You really think we'd let you go
without control?
Your code was implanted
when you were thawed.
Why not just shove a leash up my ass?
You dirty meat-eater!
No matter how Viking your era was...
...l cannot digest how
you ever wore a badge!
You're going back, John Spartan,
you're going back!
Could you two please
dump some hormones?
We need every cortex we can get here.
We don't need the Neanderthal.
Our computer has already examined
every scenario...
...resulting from the appearance
of Simon Phoenix.
It's determined he'll try to set up
a drug lab and form a crime syndicate.
That is correct.
I hate to interrupt you two...
...but that's fucking stupid.
You think he wants to start a business?
Phoenix is going for a gun.
Plain and simple.
Trust me.
He's going for a gun.
Who cares what this primate thinks?
Resonate some understanding.
The only place a person
can even view a gun in this city...
...is at a museum.
Welcome to the San Angeles Museum
of History.
Beneath you is an excavation...
...of an actual th-century street scene...
...in downtown Los Angeles,
preserved since the earthquake of .
For specific information
on objects featured in the exhibit....
Firearms are displayed in the Armory...
...located on Level A.
You are entering the Hall of Violence...
...a visual representation
of the primitive behavior prevalent...
...during the late th century.
Home, sweet home.
John Spartan, even if Simon Phoenix
was able to locate the cache of firearms...
...it'd be impossible to remove them.
She's right. They're located
in a maximum-security armory exhibit.
It's just a hunch. Trust me on this.
It's a cop thing.
And what am l, a frog?
Excuse me.
I'll drive.
Resetting all bio-links for new driver.
Weight, height, peripheral vision set.
Ifyou would like...
...to commence transportation,
John Spartan, initialize sequence now.
You drive.
Welcome, Lenina Huxley.
You seem very much alone,
John Spartan, but...
...things aren't all that different.
Perhaps you'd like to hear
an oldies station?
"Oh, what a relief it is. "
This is the town's most popular station.
Wall-to-wall mini-tunes.
You called them "commercials."
The classic you've been waiting for.
The number one request:
"Armour Hot Dogs. "
"Kids eat Armour Hot Dogs.... "
This is my fave!
"Skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks
"Tall kids, sissy kids, even kids with...
"...chicken pox love hot dogs
"Armour Hot Dogs
"The dogs kids love to bite. "
Someone put me back in the fridge.
You are entering the armory exhibit.
Here you will find displays
in the cabinets and walls....
So sorry. Didn't see you there.
Sweet baby.
Oh, shit.
This is what I'm talking about.
How do I get in here?
Is there a -day waiting period?
Or can I just take one now?
Motherfucker.
Oh, fuck it.
Mellow greetings.
What seems to be your boggle?
My "boggle"?
How much do you weigh?
I weigh--
Please vacate the museum, patrons.
Be calm.
Please vacate...
...the museum, patrons. Be calm.
Wait a minute, this is the future.
Where are all the phaser guns?
Mellow greetings, sir.
What's your boggle?
Warning, please exit rapidly.
The magnetic accelerator gun,
the last hand-held weapon...
...of this millennium,
displaced the flow of neutrons...
...through a nonlinear cycloid
electromagnetic accumulator.
So, what? It needs batteries?
What size? Where the fuck
do you find batteries?
Is there a battery store around here?
Excuse me, patron. Can l--
Where's Radio Shack?
Sweet music to my ears.
Activated, the magnetic accelerator gun
will achieve fusion in . minutes.
I was thinking about leaving quickly.
Patience is not one of my virtues.
Did you see that?
What?
Never mind. I give up trying
to figure this place out.
Excuse me, Rambo. I need to borrow this.
Access and correlate procedure.
Establish communication with intruder.
Wrong.
-Luke Skywalker, use the Force.
-Oh, dear.
-What the hell is this?
-It's a glow-rod. It's what we got.
Does it work?
Guess so.
He's trapped in Section .
I doubt it. Make sure the building's clear.
Done. I want a visual.
Every corridor of the museum,
I want full sensors routed to me.
You guys wait here. Give me minutes.
Museum patron,
you are now confined to the armory.
Museum patron, you are now confined
to the Armory.
The armory exhibit is now sealed.
All museum patrons still in the facility
should remain calm.
Help is imminent.
This museum is no longer sealed.
What can I say? I'm a blast from the past.
You should've stayed there.
That voice sounds familiar. Who is that?
Bad aim, Blondie.
John Spartan?
They let anybody into this century!
What're you doing here?
Simon says: bleed!
Great. Just great.
You're making it too easy.
Come on, you piece of shit!
Let me get this right.
They defrosted you just
so you could lasso my piddly ass?
I've dreamed about killing you for years.
Keep dreaming!
Magnetic accelerator activated.
About time.
Past is over!
Time for something new and improved!
Oh, hell.
Shit! I love this gun!
How do you like the future?
Come on!
That must hurt!
Huh, Soldier Boy?
You're on TV!
Shit!
You're dead!
Forgot to say: "Simon says."
Oh, shit.
Good one.
Sorry, you must go!
Shit!
Our noble facility has been desecrated
by hooligans.
Someone will pay dearly for this.
Sir, the stress breeder is inside
being demobilized as we speak.
Shit. Being frozen must've thrown
my aim off.
I'll get you with the next shot.
I don't think so.
No kiss-kiss, no bang-bang.
You were doing so well.
Don't you have a job to do?
Isn't there a thought repeating
in your barbaric brain?
The name Friendly.
Mr. Edgar Friendly.
Don't you have someone to kill?
-Yeah, I do.
-Excellent.
Then go and do your job.
Shit.
Saved by the bell.
Shit!
Damn!
You're lucky he didn't whack you.
I must say that "whacking," whatever it is,
sounds most disagreeable.
You scared him away.
I don't know how to thank you.
You saved my life.
No problem.
Not bad for a -year-old.
Simon Phoenix knows
he has some competition.
He's finally matched his meat.
You really licked his ass.
That's "met his match"...
...and "kicked his ass."
"Met his match and kicked his ass."
Captain Earle....
Who is this man?
John Spartan, temporarily reinstated
to the San Angeles Police Department...
...to pursue the escaped cryo-con
Simon Phoenix.
You told us to do everything
in our power to capture him.
Yes, I did. I did.
Yes, I do recall the exploits
of Mr. John Spartan.
Yes, of course. The Demolition Man.
That's quite all right.
Unexpected. Creative.
But quite all right.
John Spartan, welcome.
In honor of your arrival and your...
...protection of the sanctity of human life...
...namely my own...
...l'd like to invite you to join me
for dinner tonight.
Both of you.
Please, I insist.
I would like you to accompany me...
...to Pizza Hut.
Look forward to it. Thanks.
"Pizza Hut?"
So let me get this right:
Spacely Sprockets here, who's now
the man in charge, the Mayor-Gov...
...who wants to take me to Pizza Hut...
...and I wouldn't mind a pizza...
...has also built the damn cryo-prison?
John Spartan, you are fined....
Dr. Cocteau is the most important man
in town.
He practically created our whole way
of life...
...savage.
He can have it.
Phoenix could be anywhere...
...but not being coded can limit him.
Correct. Money is outmoded.
All transactions are through codes.
So he can't buy food
or a place to stay for the night.
It'd be a waste of time to mug someone.
Unless he rips off someone's hand.
But with officers patrolling...
...it should be just a matter
of tick-tocks before--
We already have a backup plan.
We can wait for another code to go red.
When Phoenix performs
another MurderDeathKill...
...we'll know exactly where to pounce.
Great plan.
Thank you.
I've been an enthusiast of your escapades
for quite some time.
In fact, I perused some visuals
from the Schwarzenegger Library.
Hold it.
"The Schwarzenegger Library?"
Yes, the Schwarzenegger
Presidential Library.
Wasn't he an actor?
He was President?
Even though he wasn't a native,
his popularity caused the st Amendment.
I don't want to know.
President?
What's this? No welcome mat?
What is this?
How do they expect you to kill somebody?
Shit, I love that smell.
Reminds me of biscuits and gravy.
All right. A job is a job.
Edgar Friendly, whoever the fuck you are,
prepare for Simon Phoenix.
What's with Cocteau?
He says I saved his life,
though I'm not sure of it.
My reward is dinner and dancing
at Pizza Hut?
I like a big, fat piece of pizza, but....
Your tone is quasi-facetious.
Pizza Hut is the only restaurant
to survive the Franchise Wars.
So?
Now all restaurants are Pizza Hut.
No way.
Welcome to Pizza Hut.
Enjoy your meal.
"Valley of the Jolly Green Giant
"Good things from the garden
"Garden in the valley
"Valley of the Jolly Green Giant"
Here comes the Neanderthal.
Mr. Spartan over there please,
and Lieutenant....
Thank you.
How are you doing?
Enjoy-joy your meal, sir.
Good thing I'm hungry.
Ladies and gentlemen, please raise
your glasses to the hero of the hour...
...my savior...
...Detective John Spartan.
Appreciate it.
Greetings and salutations.
I'm Associate Bob.
We met before, ever so briefly.
I was in fear at the time.
Do you have the salt?
Salt is not good for you, hence, it is illegal.
So, John Spartan, tell me...
...what do you think of San Angeles, ?
I thought the future would be
a rotting cesspool.
You weren't here
when the real disturbances began.
Civilization tried to destroy itself.
The city degenerated into a total fear zone.
People stayed home, afraid to go out.
People wanted the madness over.
When I saw the chance
to make things right...
...l seized it.
If I had not, the radiance
of San Angeles would not be here.
Just your rotting cesspool of hate
and suffering. Which would you prefer?
Can you book me a flight out of here
when the sermon's over?
John Spartan...
...for your crimes you would
surely have died...
...in jail before now.
Even you must appreciate
the persuasively tranquil humanity...
...of the cryo-prison system?
I don't want to spoil your dinner, but
my cryo-sentence was no sweet lullaby.
I had feelings and thoughts.
How about a -year nightmare
about people caught in a burning building?
You were awake? I don't think so.
I think so.
My wife beating her fists against a block
of ice that was her husband.
Then you woke me up and told me
everything that meant something is gone.
It would have been more humane
to leave me to the fucking crows.
What would you say
if I called you a brutish fossil...
...symbolic of the decayed era
gratefully forgotten?
I don't know. "Thanks?"
I thought during rehabilitation...
...the prisoners were not conscious.
A person would go insane.
The side-effects of the cryo-process...
...are unavoidable.
You were found guilty of a crime.
You owed and still owe a debt to society.
There's nothing I can do.
Yes, call for backup.
I'll be across the street.
Where are you going?
Bad guys about to do bad things.
It's just one of those hunches.
Go for the truck!
The food's in the truck!
Grab the big box! Move!
You'll regret this the rest of your life.
Both seconds of it.
Good night!
Get him!
What a fucking hero. Come on.
Please, don't.
What the hell?
Such reckless abandonment.
Looks like there is a new shepherd in town.
That's "sheriff." Who are those guys?
They're known as "scraps."
Outcasts and deserters who choose
to live beneath us...
...in sewers and abandoned tunnels.
They're a constant irritation
to our harmony.
They're nothing but thugs.
A society of thieves. The last remaining
criminal element in the city.
But plans are in progress
to purge this peril from our day.
You're better live than on laser disk.
The way you paused to make a witticism
before doing battle...
...with that Scrap--
This isn't the Wild West, okay?
The Wild West wasn't even the Wild West.
Hurting people isn't good.
Sometimes it is, but not...
...when it's people looking for food.
San Angeles time is now : .
Coding off.
Auto-drive.
Auto-drive engaged.
I'm sorry I yelled at you.
No need for a de-hurtful retraction.
I assimilated too much contraband.
I fleshed you out as
a blow-up-the-bad- guy-while-grinning type.
But you're the moody-gunslinger-who-
will-only-draw-when-he-must type.
Stop.
What?
I just do my job and things get--
Demolished.
I think of my daughter growing up
in a place like this.
I'm afraid she'll think I'm a primitive.
As much as I want to see her,
I almost don't want to.
Because I don't think I'll fit in well.
Not at all.
It'd be a minor misuse of police powers,
but I could do a search for you.
Sorry.
Subject change. I got what you wanted.
Great.
What's that for?
It's just one of those cop hunches.
Lights.
I've changed that.
Illuminate.
Deluminate.
Isn't that nicer?
Go ahead, you try.
Illuminate.
Raymond, Raymond, we've got to talk.
How did you get in?
Wish I knew. I got pass codes.
Routes to underground kingdoms.
Complete access
to the industrial data-grid interface.
I don't even know what that means.
But I've been meaning to ask you,
because I like it!
I like it a lot!
You have been given these skills
for a reason.
Not for your personal amusement.
Your job is to kill Mr. Edgar Friendly
and stop a revolution.
That is why you were rehabilitated.
All right. I'm going to do
your dastardly deed for you.
But it'll be more difficult than you thought.
I'm going to need some help.
I'll need about five
or six more "special" men.
I happen to have a list.
I wouldn't want you to defrost any
of those killer types, know what I mean?
And none of those motherfuckers
from New York. They're too uptight.
So you're going to be the only killer type?
Fine.
Take care of it.
Just get it over with.
You're more trouble than you're worth.
Oh, Raymond, don't say that.
And what do I get out of all this?
What do you want?
Malibu.
Santa Monica.
Hell, how about all the coastal cities?
I'll bear it in mind.
-Good, I'll send you a memo.
-Just do your job!
What is John Spartan doing here?
Did you invite him to this party?
Look, you finish your business...
...and I'll stuff him back in the freezer.
Think of him as a guarantee.
"A guarantee?"
You don't have much of a guarantee.
I took care of Spartan once,
I'll take care of him again.
Now we need those men defrosted.
Is this where you live?
Very not bad.
Thank you.
Where will I be staying?
I've procured you a domicile
down the corridor from my own.
Everything is voice coded,
so if you need something, just ask.
Lights.
What do you think?
Clicked off a lot of credits to create
the perfect th-century apartment.
It's very....
Isn't it?
John Spartan....
There's a well-known, documented...
...connection between sex and violence.
Not so much a causal effect...
...but a general state
of neurological arousal.
And...
...after having observed
your behavior this evening and...
...my resultant condition...
...l was wondering
if you'd like to have sex?
With you?
Here?
Now?
Yeah.
Great!
I'll be right back.
Love Boat?
There you go.
Now, just relax.
We'll begin in a few seconds.
Begin what?
Having sex, of course.
You broke contact.
"Contact?" I didn't even touch you yet.
You said you wanted to make love.
Is that what this is?
Vir-sex produces high alpha waves
during transference of sexual energies.
Let's do it the old-fashioned way.
Disgusting!
You mean...
-...fluid transfer?
-No, I mean boning, the wild mambo.
That is no longer done.
Do you know what the exchange
of bodily fluids leads to?
Kids, smoking, desire to raid the fridge.
Rampant exchange of bodily fluids
was a major cause of society's downfall.
After AIDS, there was NRS,
then there was UBT.
One of the first things Cocteau did
was to outlaw...
...and engineer all fluid transfer
out of socially acceptable behavior.
Not even a mouth transfer's condoned.
Kissing's not allowed?
I was a good kisser.
What about kids?
Procreation?
We go to a lab.
Fluids are purified, screened...
...and transferred by authorized
medical personnel only.
It is the only legal way.
What're you doing?
Breaking the law.
You are a savage creature.
I wish you to leave my domicile. Now!
You know....
Code accepted. Be well, John Spartan.
Lights.
"He doesn't know how
to use the three seashells."
Happy Halloween.
"Behavioral engineering?"
Hi, Martin, I was thinking....
Oh, my God, I'm sorry, wrong number.
Our noble facility has been desecrated
by hooligans.
Someone will pay dearly for this.
Sir, the stress breeder
is inside being demobilized.
Shit! Being frozen must've thrown
my aim off. Don't worry.
The next shot.
I don't think so.
No kiss-kiss, no bang-bang.
I'm sorry about last night.
I made this for you.
For me?
Thank you.
I'll drive.
I must learn to do this sometime.
Thanks for the lovely gift.
I don't know what was in my cryo-sludge
but when I thawed, I wanted to knit.
How come I know what a zipperfoot,
a shuttle and a bobbin is?
I could weave a throw rug now
with my eyes closed.
It's part of your rehab program.
For each inmate the computer
draws up a skill or trade...
...suited to their genetic disposition.
It implants the knowledge...
...and the desire to carry out
the training assigned.
I'm a seamstress?
That's great.
I come out of cryo-prison
and I'm Betsy-fucking-Ross.
Phoenix can access computers,
operate all vehicles...
...knows the location
of everything in town...
...and is three times stronger than before?
Can you get me his rehab program?
-I'm a seamstress.
-Access code for Simon Phoenix.
Access Simon Phoenix.
Accessing.
Access denied.
-What?
-Security override.
That can't be right.
Access granted, Officer Huxley.
Accessing Simon Phoenix,
Deepfile rehab -R.
Urban Combatkill.
Torture Methodology.
Computer Override Authority.
-There must be a mistake.
-Survival Tactics.
Terrorism Tactics. Weapons Training.
Martial Arts. MurderDeathKill.
Explosives Technician. Violent Behavior.
-This isn't a rehab program.
-No kidding.
This would create a monster.
Who develops these programs?
Cocteau lndustries.
But why would the benevolent...
...Dr. Cocteau send such
a brute savage into our midst?
Good question. Let's go ask him.
You do not accuse our savior
of being connected with a...
...multi-murderer like Phoenix. It's...
...rude.
I'll be subtle.
I'm good at subtle.
Mellow greetings.
We welcome you...
...to the Cocteau Behavioral
Engineering Complex.
Be well.
Enhance your calm, John Spartan.
Mellow apologies for my lack
ofphysical disposition...
...but I have a city-gov to run.
Well, run this.
You programmed Phoenix's rehab
to turn him into a terrorist.
And I don't think his escape
was an accident.
Very subtle.
Outside the museum,
why didn't he kill you?
What did you say?
I don't remember. Does it matter?
It matters. I saw the security disk.
He had seconds to figure out
where to put the hole in your head.
This display of barbaric behavior
was unacceptable even in your time.
But it worked.
When Phoenix has a gun, seconds
is / seconds longer than you get.
Not everyone is as eager as you...
...to resort to violence
to solve life's difficulties.
I wonder if the chaos in the museum
was the result of Mr. Phoenix's presence.
Wonder about this...
...shithead.
If you think you got this maniac
under control, trust me...
...you don't.
Is there something specific you plan
to do with that archaic device?
No, I didn't think so.
The only thing I haven't got
under control is you.
But that can be solved.
You, my Cro-Magnon friend, are dead.
Your family's dead...
...your past is dead.
Dead things cannot affect the living. So...
...enjoy your moment...
...of prehistoric bravado because
after you leave here it will be over.
Like everything else in your life.
Officer, return this man
to cryo-stasis immediately.
Be well.
Be fucked.
You are fined one credit--
Greetings, Citizen.
How are you on this glorious day?
I'll wait here.
Let's go.
-I don't know.
-I do know. Turn that thing on.
I hope you know what you're doing.
You're asking me to disobey a direct order.
I'm to escort you to the cryo-prison.
I must get that maniac and put him
on ice or that's where I'll be.
-Enhance your calm.
-I've had it with enhancing my calm.
I'll enhance that psycho's calm.
Then I'll turn my attention to Cocteau.
You don't have to come with me.
I can do it alone.
Even if Phoenix was programmed
to escape, kill and steal...
...why are you going to the wasteland?
Your city-wide manhunt didn't work
because Phoenix was in a place...
...you can't monitor...
...afraid to go and don't give a shit about.
I want to go down there, find Phoenix
and put him in a hurt locker.
Do you want to come? Or arrest me?
I'm with you.
Let's go blow this guy.
Away.
Blow this guy away.
Whatever.
She has a way with words.
What's wrong?
It's not very clean.
A real garden spot.
Okay, which way?
Over there.
Okay, be ready for anything.
"My dog's better than your dog
"My dog's better than yours
"My dog's better 'cause
he gets Kennel-Ration"
I'm sorry, when I'm nervous, l....
Sorry.
Over here.
What's that emanation?
Come on.
Relax. I just want a burger and a beer.
How will I pay?
It's better to give.
Want a slug?
No, thank you.
I think I'll be sick.
Oh, God.
This is fantastic. You must try one.
Don't ask where the meat comes from.
What do you mean?
See any cows around here?
Rat?
This is a rat burger?
Not bad.
It's the best burger I've had in years.
See you later.
They don't seem very hostile,
John Spartan.
No, they don't.
Now that's a thing of beauty.
Do you know what this is?
A Oldsmobile .
With a -cubic-inch engine.
Radial tires and bucket seats.
I'm impressed.
I studied.
So did l. Hand over the glow-rod.
Your friends too. Come on.
You got balls, coming down here.
We're looking for a MurderDeathKiller.
Can you help us or just bully us
with your primitive weapons?
Maybe they're not so primitive.
You think you're taking me in?
Guess what?
Not happening.
Tell Cocteau he can kiss my ass.
That's right.
It'll take an army to get rid of me.
I don't give a shit. I got nothing to lose.
I don't know who the hell you are,
let alone want to take you anywhere.
So stay here, be well
and Cocteau's an asshole!
Let's dump them up top.
They're only here to spy on us.
Wait a minute.
You're the guy outside Pizza Hut.
What do you want?
You weren't part of the Cocteau plan.
Greed, deception, abuse of power.
That's no plan.
-That's why you're here?
-That's right.
See....
According to Cocteau's plan...
...l'm an enemy because I like to think.
I like to read.
I'm into freedom of speech and choice.
I like to sit in a greasy spoon...
...and think, "Should I have steak
or barbecued ribs with gravy fries?"
I want high cholesterol.
I want to eat bacon, butter and cheese.
I want to smoke a Cuban cigar
the size of Cincinnati.
I want to run through the streets naked...
...reading Playboy magazine
because I might need to.
I've seen the future.
It's a -year-old virgin...
...drinking a banana-broccoli shake
and singing "I'm a wiener."
Up top, you live Cocteau's way.
What he wants, when he wants,
how he wants.
Your other choice: come here.
Maybe starve to death.
Why don't you take charge
and lead these people out of here?
I'm no leader.
I do what I have to do.
Sometimes people join me.
I just want to bury Cocteau up to his neck
in shit and let him think happy thoughts.
Then I got bad news.
I think he wants to kill you.
All right gentlemen, let's review.
The year is .
That's - - - . As in the st century.
And I'm sorry to say that
the world has become a pussy-whipped...
...Brady Bunch version of itself
run by a bunch of robed sissies.
All we have to do to run the whole thing...
...is to kill a man named Friendly,
who put it all together.
But there's an extra added bonus.
We get to kill...
...the man who put us in the freezer.
You mean...
...we get to kill John Spartan?
Exactly.
I want you to loot, pillage,
plunder, and steal.
Do all the wonderful things we used to do
before any of this happened.
This world will be ours!
Let's bring back the good old days!
Are you with me?
Are you with me? Let's do it!
It is a curious conclusion
which you have deduced, John Spartan.
But I can find no fault in your logic.
Phoenix is the perfect weapon to send
into these savage regions.
I'm impressed, John Spartan.
They thawed him out just to kill me?
-I'm flattered.
-Don't be flattered. Be frightened.
This guy's a certifiable nightmare.
That's why you're here?
I must have done something right
in the previous life.
Can't imagine what that could have been.
Two for the price of one.
Let's take them.
Stay down!
I'll be damned.
Like a New York cockroach.
Everything's gone wrong.
There's an elevator shaft at the top.
So we're going up?
Momentito, Seņorita Huxley. Come on.
How nice! Must've been expecting me.
Now what?
Buckle up.
There he is! He's in my car!
Goddamn it.
What's happening to cops today?
Don't you know
you are endangering civilians?
Auto-inflate!
Auto-inflate.
That was lovely.
Huxley, drive!
Okay, I've read all about this.
What do I do? Push this pedal?
Okay, I got it.
Punch it!
Excuse me?
Push the pedal as hard as you can!
No free rides!
Emergency, doors open.
Doors opening.
Say hello to my friend.
Doors close!
Malfunction.
Computer, auto-drive.
Auto-drive engaged.
Going to give you a haircut!
Remember the bus passengers...
...you blew up trying to get me?
They were already dead.
Cold as Häagen-Dazs!
I went to jail with a -year smile.
You're dead.
Speak for yourself.
Self-drive!
Unable to execute.
-Self-drive! Now!
-Malfunction.
Unable to execute.
Emergency!
Brake!
Self-drive engaged.
Brake! Brake!
Brake now, you,
Mickey Mouse piece of shit!
Are you in there?
Who do you think it is, Huxley?
I thought your life force
had been prematurely terminated!
I thought I was history too.
What happened? All of a sudden,
this car turned into a cannoli.
It's the curefoam. It saved your life.
Look at you, you're in shambles.
I can fix it later.
All I need is a needle and thread.
Did I really say that?
You caveman, you're under arrest!
You're to be returned to the cryo-prison.
Immediately!
I heard all that. We'll talk later, Chief.
I need something. A shotgun, a flare gun.
Shit!
Defensive red alert!
Stun batons on.
Relax.
Did you bump your noggin...
...and think you're Pancho Villa?
Who?
Never mind.
Time to take a stand.
Good. While you're doing it,
loan me a gun. Two guns.
You'd use these weapons against men
and women who uphold the law?
We use these weapons
to shop for groceries, dick.
You can't leave.
You're under arrest. This very concept
negates the possibility of your leaving.
Skip it, Chief.
Lieutenant Huxley!
Chief...
...you can take this job
and you can shovel it.
"Take this job...
"...and shovel it."
Close enough.
I hadn't counted on this but I must say,
you worked out beautifully.
People are terrified of you.
What's new? People have always been
terrified of me.
But this time they're really intimidated.
Now...
...l'll have carte blanche
to create the perfect society.
My society.
San Angeles will be a beacon of order...
...with the purity of an ant colony.
And the beauty of a flawless pearl.
People have a right to be assholes.
You remind me of...
...an evil Mr. Rogers.
Will you please kill him?
He's pissing me off.
Put another log on the fire!
I'll love running this place!
Well, now...
...what shall I do with you?
I am an excellent associate, sir.
I'd be delighted to continue my services
during your administration.
Maybe we'd use--
Excuse me, the police are here.
Oh, man!
What the hell are you doing?
I'm impressed.
That man has died by my hands.
It was either him or us.
There is that.
Where'd you learn to kick like that?
Jackie Chan movies.
Looks like the Cocteau plan
went up in smoke.
Rest in peace, Raymond Cocteau.
John Spartan, civilization as we know it
will come to an end.
What will we do?
I don't know. But this is better for you.
What's that?
This is bad.
This is very bad.
He's accessed the cryo-prison
and is about to defrost the multi-lifers.
They don't like you.
Most of these guys don't like
their own mothers. They're bad boys.
How many are there?
Eighty.
All without rehab.
They'll be re-animated within the hour.
We must stop this.
I'm not at all pleased about having caused
the fatality of a convict.
I now understand that under certain
circumstances violence is necessary.
Good.
I hope you understand this.
I hope my butt didn't look like that.
Okay, who do we have left that's good?
Let's see...
...Foulks, Patrick.
Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy.
How long before the rest are done?
They're in the final stages of reanimation.
Great. Absolutely great.
Gentlemen!
Thank you, but your services
are no longer required.
Send a maniac to catch a maniac.
Attention.
Attention.
Cryo-prisoner defrosting
re-animation sequence...
...now entering final stage.
Count down to reanimation
ofprisoner batches...
... ...
... .
Ten minutes.
-That's it. The very last one.
-Excellent.
Accessed.
What the hell is that?
Didn't expect that, did you?
Where are you going?
I wish you the best of luck.
Stupid.
How's it hanging?
I'm sure you're familiar
with the long arm of the law.
Why don't you struggle a little bit?
Make me work for it!
What do you say? How about...
...a little target practice. What do you say?
Did that hurt your head?
Shit! Goddamn!
Fuck!
That's it!
You won't get out of this one!
I'll drop you in that vat of defrost...
...and fry you like a chicken...
...or with my little pinky,
drop your monkey ass--
I'll be damned.
Shit! Goddamn!
What am I doing wrong?
Cryo-prisoner re-animation...
...sequence now entering final stage.
"Is it cold in here, or is it just me?"
Good memory.
Come here!
Shit!
I hate cops!
Look into my eyes. I'll see you in hell.
Not.
This is the best day of my life.
Heads up!
Did you apprehend the villain responsible
for murdering Cocteau?
I wouldn't say "apprehend."
But he's history.
And the cryo-prison...
...is history too.
What'll we do?
How will we live?
We'll go out drinking,
get shit-faced and paint the town.
Graffiti slogans, it'll be a blast.
This is what you'll do.
You'll get a little dirty...
...you, a lot clean.
And somewhere in the middle....
You'll figure it out.
Fucking-A!
Well put.
Greetings and salutations.
I'm Associate Bob. And may I say...
...it would be a pleasure
to help you create a more humane--
Let's talk about the hair, okay?
Pick a color. And lose the kimono.
You look like a couch.
What are you, a surgeon
with these gloves?
Thanks for rendering me unconscious.
I did it for your own good.
-We're supposed to be a team.
-We are.
Oh, my.
Are all fluid transfer activities like this?
-Better.
-Better?
Oh, my.
I think I'll like the future.
Now that you've demolished everything.
But there's one thing I want to know.
How's that damn
three-seashell thing work?