Voila! Finally, the Forces Of Nature
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Sandra Bullock and
Ben Affleck movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Forces Of Nature. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
[ Woman Echoing ]
It's a great pleasure--
[ Echoing ]
It's a great pleasure--
It's a great pleasure
to have all of you here today.
l thought you all
might begin your tour here.
[ Shouting ]
[ Man ] I really didn't want
a bachelor party in the first place.
I'll tell you why. lt's not
that l'm against tradition.
There's just something bizarre about
having a strange, naked woman...
dance around me while
my friends yell out,
''Go for it, Ben.
Last night of freedom, Ben. "
Last night of freedom
for what ?
Which is what I told
my best friend Alan.
I didn't want any strippers.
I didn't wanna get lucky.
l was lucky enough
just getting married.
- All right. Quiet !
- [ Shouting ]
Guys !
All right. l'm not payin' tor that.
lt already was chipped.
We're here to, uh, wish Ben
good luck and good riddance...
as he heads down
that rocky path to matrimony.
And, uh, hey, you know what.
Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa Max
are here. Where are you guys ?
Those guys-- Watch out.
You guys gotta pace yourselves.
Knowing Ben, l'd have
to say that he's probably,
- uh, one of the most loyal guys
that l've ever met,
- [ Man ] Like a dog !
- [ Man Barks ]
- and, uh, monogamous.
And so this is probably
gonna be the last time...
that you're gonna spend
in a room with your friends...
and a n-n-naked woman...
other than your wife, man !
So you can close your eyes
if you want to. Close 'em !
But then you're gonna be missin'
Juanita, the bull tamer !
[ Shouting ]
You don't have to do this.
You really don't
have to do this.
[ Man Shouts ]
Very nice.
[ Crowd ]
Ole !
Pop ?
Pop ?
Pop ? Max ?
Call .
[ Sighs ]
How did this happen ? Hmm ?
What's the ditterence
how it happened ?
- I wanna know how it happened.
- lt happened.
lt makes a difterence
to me.
All ot a sudden he has
a heart attack out of no place ?
Mom, can we please
not talk about this now ?
What is it you don't
want to talk about ?
Mrs. Holmes, it it's any consolation, l
think he was having a really good time.
- Alan, shut up.
- Okay.
- Come into the hall.
- What is in the hall ?
A vending machine.
Come on, butchki.
- Who's hungry ? l'm buying.
- All hours ot the night--
This is insane.
[ Richard ]
He probably just ate some spicy food.
lt was spicy, all right,
but it wasn't tood.
- Butchki !
- What ?
Richard, you are
the silliest old tart.
[ Sighs ]
Grandpa, what came over you ?
[ Breathing Heavily ]
Hmm ?
- Hey.
- Ben.
- You all right ?
- [ Chuckles ] Ben.
She was the most
beautitul woman l ever saw.
What about Nana ?
Did you ever take a good look
at your grandmother ?
Woman looked like Tolstoy.
l was never
attracted to her.
Oh, maybe in the beginning,
because she was the only woman
I'd ever been with.
Well, you know, that's great.
That's, uh-- That's loyalty.
Loyalty ? lt's fear.
Did you ever teel her arms, her--
[ Groans ]
Oh, Ben, I used to
dream about other women.
What it would be like
to hold them and to--
- Okay.
- Touch them and to--
- That's--
- Smell them.
Grandma smelled. She had
a very distinct smell. lt was a--
Ben. Ben.
Listen to me.
Don't tie yourselt down.
Even if you love
a woman, it tades.
Marriage is a prison.
- [ Siren Wails ]
- Ben !
Could l help you out ?
Here we go.
- You just passed my room.
- Sorry.
Feel better.
- [ Sighs ]
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetie.
- Honey.
Oh, why does everything feel
so much better now that you're here ?
- How's he doing ?
- He's stable.
- You know, physically, at least.
- Great.
What happened ?
What do you expect ? He's an -year-old
man with high blood pressure...
and a naked balloon-popping toreador
is a rough combination.
- lt didn't pan out. lt's not funny.
- lt's not funny.
- Be serious.
- There's something l want to do.
- Okay. Why ?
- l wanna be able to remember
this moment in or years.
Think my next husband
will get a kick out of it.
Oh, that's nice.
Okay.
lt's the night before I am flying down
to Savannah tor our wedding alone,
because Ben's grandtather, who we
will now reter to as Larry Flynt,
has partied himselt
into intensive care.
- What do you have to say ?
- Put the video camera away.
No, no, no, honey,
you're not going to get off that easy.
No, l'm saving it
for my vows.
l have already
finished my vows.
- What's in 'em ?
- [ Laughs ]
You know why ? Because
it's easy tor you. l'm a writer.
- Oh, really ?
- l can't just slap something
down on paper like you do.
Ben, listen.
You don't have
to be brilliant...
or witty or clever
or polite even.
Just have
to be honest.
Come on. Say something.
What are you feeling ?
Are you nervous ?
Are you happy ? Are you scared ?
Am l scared ?
What would I be scared ot ?
- l'm scared.
- You are ? Why ?
Now you're making me scared.
Because it's a big thing. lt's our
marriage. lt's the rest of our lives.
lt's-- lt's scary.
l know. l'm not scared.
- The only thing we have to tear--
- Yeah ?
- ls this video camera.
- Hey ! Come on ! Just say
a few words tor posterity.
[ Man ]
What, what, what
[ Man ]
What, what, what
What
- [ Horn Honking ]
- What, what
Follow me to the scene
What
Really ? You think
l can rent shoes down there ?
l can't believe
l forgot my shoes.
l hear they have shoes in Savannah now.
The whole South has 'em.
All right.
Wedding dress. Check.
Check tor the minister.
Check.
Valium tor Bridget's
mother. Check.
- Ball and chain for you. Check.
- Not listening to you. Check.
- Here, look. Here you go.
- Thanks.
This is your present, okay ?
lt's a book ot quotes.
I crossed out the ones l'm gonna
use in my toast. Listen.
"To say that you can love
one person all your lite...
is like saying that one candle will
continue to burn as long as you live.""
- Think about that for a minute.
- l will. That's profound.
This is used.
l forgot the rings.
That's not tunny.
No, don't do that.
[ Laughs ]
I torgot the rings, so--
Come on, man ! No !
Relax. l'll catch
the next plane.
Son ot a bitch !
l'll see ya in Savannah.
Hey, l need to go to the city.
- New York ! New York City !
- No, l can't.
Don't take
the Van Wyck though.
[ Wheels Squeaking ]
[ Woman ] Hurricane Amanda
is headed for the Southeast coastline.
The eye ot the hurricane is
presently located miles...
east of South Carolina
and Savannah, Georgia.
North, northwest--
[ Laughs ]
[ Clears Throat ]
Excuse me, folks.
Just the line's movin' forward.
No. Well, l love you.
I love you more.
No, l love you more.
No, you more.
No, l love you more.
Okay, l have to go, because
l just made another passenger nauseous.
Okay ?
[ Clears Throat ]
That's my tiancee.
Goin' down to get married,
so we're a little--
Oh ! Jack Bealy,
Snap-On Tools.
Ben Holmes,
scared of tlyin'.
- Yeah, l was married once.
- Yeah ?
To me marriage
is just one big lie.
You don't say.
ln the morning l had to say,
'Don't be silly, honey.
Your breath is fine.
You smell like a rose.""
Then l had to say, '"No, honey.
l never noticed
that -year-old girl...
with the tantastic body and halter top
that delivers our newspaper.
She can't hold
a candle to you...
and the pounds you've put on
since we stopped having sex.""
- [ Paper Rustles ]
- So when's the wedding day ?
May cancel it.
l may have to call back.
l didn't mean to throw a wet towel on ya
with my whole marital disaster tirade.
lt's all right. lt was a nice story
actually. lt was very touching.
- Nice girl ?
- Very nice.
As a matter ot fact, l just happen
to have a picture of her right here.
- Wow, what a knockout.
- Yeah, she's beautitul.
- Oh, baby, come to Daddy.
- Well, take it easy, Jack.
What l wouldn't give
for an ass like that.
- Huh ? Here we go.
- Hi.
- This is me.
- Really ?
Well, this is your
lucky day, sweetheart.
We got just about enough room
tor one ot you, darlin'.
Must be destiny, huh ?
- Careful.
- Okay.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah.
- [ Keyboard Keys Clattering ]
- [ Snickers ]
[ Keys Clattering ]
- Sorry.
- Hmm ?
l was reading what you were writing. My
eye just kind of wandered over. Sorry.
[ Clears Throat ]
Do you work for Hallmark ?
[ Gull Screeching ]
Even if l had seen you looking at it,
that wouldn't bother me.
Well, l don't care either.
l'm absolutely tascinated you
can't admit you saw me reading it.
lf l had seen you reading it,
l'd be perfectly happy to admit it.
Then why did you
close your computer ?
l'm known to do that
trom time to time.
l'm a rebel. l'll open it,
then l'll close it again just like that.
Don't get next to my fire,
because you'll get burned.
- [ Metal Clinking ]
- This is not working properly.
Stewardess, this isn't--
Miss ? Thank you.
You're a little jumpy
tor a rebel, aren't ya ?
My seat belt's
not functioning properly.
He's a scared flier.
Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.
Sarah Lewis.
And you are ?
Ben Holmes. Really,
l'm not that scared.
- Jack's--
- l can assure you absolutely
nothing is going to happen.
l speak from experience.
l was a tlight attendant. There you go.
Oh, yeah ?
ln one ot those little uniforms ?
[ Gulls Screeching ]
- [ Squawks ]
- [ Thudding ]
[ Gasping ]
[ Alarm Blaring ]
- [ Gasping ]
- [ Screaming ]
[ Woman ]
Please stay calm !
- [ Groans ]
- [ Woman ] Oh, my God !
Hold on !
[ Sirens Wailing ]
Oh, my God !
This is a disaster.
- Daddy.
- Oh, for heaven sake.
- Let's go live--
- On the other hand,
you can never have
too many ot these.
- lt's tabulously colorful.
- Give you that.
How tar do you think
I could throw it ?
Don't you dare, young--
Give me that now.
[ Woman On TV ]
To the hospital for minor injuries.
Ceramic clown trom the ?
- Brewsters.
- My God ! That's Ben !
There's no official word
on the cause of the crash.
There may have been
a foreign object--
Let's get some help !
She hit her head.
[ Man ]
Everyone's pretty shook up.
We had a couple ot passengers go to
a local hospitaI with concussions.
[ Bridget ]
Oh, my God. There he is again.
Call me !
Oh, Ben ! l love you.
Call me ! No. Go back.
There you have it.
The latest information--
[ Phone Rings ]
Hello ? Ah, Ben !
Hi, honey. Yeah, l'm fine.
No, l'm okay.
l'm a little trazzled.
l mean, l was
in a plane crash.
This place is a nightmare.
People are running around.
l guess they lost everything.
l don't care about any ot that.
l'm just so happy you're okay.
l-l-l just wish that--
- Ben ! Ben, listen.
- TelI him, um--
- What happened ?
- You just get yourself
down here sate and sound.
The thing is, l'm a little bit scared
to fly before l was in a plane crash,
so l don't teel
much like getting--
- Jesus !
- You are a god.
- You are a god amongst all men.
Do you realize that ?
- l'm on the phone.
- Sorry.
- Do you mind ?
- What in the hell ?
- Just one ot the passengers.
- He saved my lite !
- She's kidding.
lt's a joke.
l'm gonna get a rental car
and drive down there, okay ?
l'll call you w-w-when
I have a finalized plan.
Okay, great.
Thank you, sir.
[ Phone Line Buzzing ]
Sorry. I couldn't
contain myself.
lt's amazing when you think about it.
We almost died today. Dead.
lsn't there a rent-a-car this way ?
Are we goin' the right way ?
It l died, how
many people would care ?
l mean, really care.
You'd have your shares of ""What a shame.
What a waste.
She was so young.""
- But no real crying.
- lt might be in that terminal.
No eating disorders,
no attempted suicides.
Nothing.
Absolutely depressed.
You know what ?
l'm thoroughly depressed.
l just need to shake it otf.
[ Muttering ]
So what were you thinking ?
l was thinking how it would attect
our trequent flier miles.
What do you do
tor a living ?
l'm a, uh,
jacket copywriter.
Huh. What does that mean ?
- Means l write jackets
to books basically.
- Oh.
Do mostly fiction,
but l do some nontiction.
You do blurbs. You're a blurb writer.
You're a ""blurbologist.''
l'm a jacket copywriter.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
As you can imagine,
- due to today's minor incident--
- Oh, sh--
[ Chattering ]
Nada cars. Non cars.
Cars nyet.
Nada cars. Non cars.
Cars nyet.
You should have called
as soon as you got otf the plane.
Why didn't l think of that
when l was unconscious...
and bleeding trom the head ?
So, cars nyet. We can check
the other airports though.
No, that's all right.
You can go ahead.
l'm not that big a fan ot the idea
of getting on another plane today...
or tomorrow or ever,
it that soon.
But you go ahead.
l think l'm gonna be a ground
transportation kind ot guy trom now on.
l'll be right back.
How ya doin' ?
Did ya get a car ?
-This is Vic. He's gonna give us a ride.
-All the way to Georgia ?
Sure. We split the cost
ot the car, the gas, whatever.
- Great.
- Good. Let's go.
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, wait.
We don't even know this guy.
- He's Vic.
- Oh, he's Vic.
Great, he's Vic.
He chops us up, Ieaves us in the woods.
That's why I asked that you
come along to protect me.
How do you know
that l'm not dangerous ?
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Man ] l said, hallelujah
to the royal fins
You're gettin' down
on your knees
And it's time for
your sickness again
Come on and
tell me what you need now
Tell me what is
making ya bleed
We got two more minutes sayin' we're
gonna cut you what you need
What's your story, Ben ?
What's down in Savannah ?
- My wedding, Vic.
- No kiddin'. That's great.
- lsn't that great ?
- Yeah, it's a blessing.
- First marriage ?
- That l know of, yeah.
Yeah, l was married once.
One day l walk into the house
and l hear the shower runnin'.
l had Chinese tood with me, figurin'
it wouId be a nice romantic surprise.
She starts singin'
in the shower.
What's that song ?
""Up in the sky'' ? ""Up with the eagles'' ?
- '"Wind Beneath My Wings.''
Very touching song.
- ""Wind Beneath My Wings.''
Suddenly there's another
voice in the shower with her.
- Oh, no.
- A baritone.
Uh-oh.
Now it's a treakin' duet.
So l walk in the bathroom and
there she is... with my brother.
- Oh !
- l grab my brother and throw
him through the window naked.
He broke his leg
in two difterent places.
Dare we ask what,
uh, became of your wife ?
l put the wind beneath her ass
and sent her packin'. Divorced her.
She never got a penny,
the lyin', whorin', adulteratin' pig.
What about you, sweetheart ?
What's your story ?
l'm going down to visit my brother
and hang out with my nephew.
That's nice. Kids.
- Yep. Got any ?
- Nah. But l see 'em all over.
Come on, come on
So what else have you
jacket copywritten ?
What else did l do ?
The low point of my career was...
l did the blurb
tor a thriller...
about a woman--
an archaeologist--
who tinds love
in the pyramids.
lt was called
Me And My Pharaoh.
- l have that book.
- No, you don't.
Yes, l do. ""A scintillating tale
ot erotic mummitication.''
l wrote that line.
Oh, my God ! That's
why I bought the book.
Anybody who could tind embalming
either scintillating or erotic...
had to be read.
- It was brilliant.
- Well, you know, l mean,
it's all about adjectives.
l was gonna go with ""engaging tale
ot erotic mummitication'' tirst.
- But then l said, no, scintillating.
- Right on the money.
lt's still selling now,
but at least l get to write.
What do you do ?
l haven't settled down
to one particular thing yet.
Worked at galleries, sold cars,
tried out tor ""Aladdin On lce.''
Um, wedding videographer.
l got fired, though, because
apparently nobody wants a crash zoom...
to the priest
during the ceremony.
l was a exotic dancer,
hostess at the New York auto show.
- That's a gift.
- Yeah.
Let's see. What else ?
- ls there anything else ?
- l don't think so.
- Kids, we should get goin'.
- You got it, Vic.
Two wayward travelers stuck
in a Geo with a guy named Vic.
[ Chattering ]
Don't you think this is
just a little bit over the top ?
Oh, so what it it is ?
Knock, knock.
- Steve ! How are you ?
- l'm good, real good.
- Virginia, nice to see ya.
- Well, hi, Steve.
Bridget.
Yes. l mean, hi. Hi.
Steve ? How are you ?
- lt's been a long time.
- Yeah.
You look wondertul.
Thank you.
So do you.
- So, how are you ?
- How is he ?
Just the most successful lawyer
in Savannah. That's how.
Youngest member at his tirm.
Handles all my work.
Which l appreciate, 'cause
there's not a contractor who
gets sued more than your daddy.
And what's so tunny
about that, Hadley ?
God, you are
an unpleasant woman.
[ Woman ] Gale torce winds it the
hurricane stays on course for Savannah.
[ Woman ] Gale torce winds it the
hurricane stays on course for Savannah.
Anybody want some weed ?
[ Man On Radio ] The experiment was a
complete failure. The U.F.O. landed--
lt's sinsemilla.
lt'Il take your head right off.
That's great, Vic. You think you should
have your head taken otf while driving ?
- Can I have some ?
- Atta girl.
You sure you
don't want, Ben ?
No, that's okay. l had some peyote
for lunch, so l'm all set.
He's getting married. Don't forget.
He has to be responsible.
Not necessarily.
You know, look at the Fitzgeralds.
F. Scott and Zelda,
crazy, married couple.
They drove a--
Had to know about that.
- Whoa ! Hey !
- Sorry. Sorry.
- [ Tires Screeching ]
- Oh, shit !
[ All Chattering ]
- [ Siren Wailing ]
- Uh, what's that ?
- Do you hear that ?
- What's what ?
[ Siren Wailing ]
Hi, honey. How are the bridesmaids'
dresses comin' out ?
Good. No, everything's tine.
l just got a little bit delayed.
Car trouble,
in a manner of speaking.
But l'm fine.
Everything's gonna be okay.
Yes, l know.
WelI, l love you too.
Well, hoo-hoochie,
l love you so much.
Baby, no, because l love you more.
l love you more--
- [ Fence Rattles ]
- Honey, l can't do this right now.
[ Door Closes ]
- l'm gonna miss my wedding.
- Oh, relax, Benjie.
lt's a simple drug bust.
lt's not like we kiIled anybody.
This may be an everyday event in your
life, but speaking as a non-felon--
l'm on a bit of
a time crunch here, too, okay ?
lf l don't make it down to Savannah by
Saturday morning, l lose bucks.
Are you on Dig For Dollars ?
You told me you were going to
visit your brother and nephew.
- Yeah, l know.
- [ Key Jingling ]
Okay, kids.
Here's the situation.
Vic DeFranco was driving
with an expired license.
Plus he's got three priors
tor possession and selling.
And there was ten ounces in the vehicle
that he admits is his.
Did anybody else know
there were drugs in the car ?
-No, sir. ln fact, l just met this man--
-You can't--
You can't ask us these questions
without an attorney present.
You haven't advised us
of our rights.
l believe that's called--
Oh-- Ah !
A Miranda violation. That's it.
This is a
very simple procedure.
You tell me you didn't do
anything illegal. you sign a
statement. And you go quietly.
Sir, l'd like to be considered
separate from her, sir.
- Hmm. What part of quiet
didn't you understand ?
- What are you doing ?
[ Man ]
Why me ?
[ Sighs ]
Well, l think that went well.
- l'm not that happy with how that went.
- No ?
No, not really.
l haven't known you that long, but
l think something may be wrong with you.
- [ Train Horn Blowing ]
- [ Ben ] May we have two tickets
to Savannah, please ?
You want these seats
together ?
lt's totally up to you.
- Just give me one second.
Can l talk to you ?
- Yeah.
l just, uh--
l don't want to be rude or anything,
but in situations like this,
l think about...
what l would want Bridget to do
it the situation were reversed.
l wouldn't necessarily be
that comtortable with her...
riding down on a train
together with some guy...
who she had a,
you know, kind ot a connection...
or a chemistry or spark,
whatever, some kind
of a thing like that.
You know, and--
The look on your tace
is telIing me you have no--
You're not feeling
or you're not sensing--
- You have no idea what l'm--
- Oh, no, no, not really.
Fascinating. Okay.
Maybe we just shouldn't
ride down together,
because at this point l really
made kind of a chump out of myselt.
- Okay.
- [ Laughs ]
- Have a nice nuptial.
- Thank you.
Other than the drug bust
and the plane crash, it was, uh, tun.
So long, Sarah.
- FarewelI, Ben.
- Okay.
'Oscar Wilde:
One should always be in love.
This is the reason
one should never marry.""
Well, what did he know ?
[ Beeps ]
What you writing there,
mister ?
My wedding vows actually.
My fiancee and l are writing our own.
Oh, that's sweet.
Isn't that sweet, Emma ?
- lt's sweet as pie.
- We didn't write our own vows.
lt's kind ot a new thing.
lt's nontraditionalist.
We were so nervous. lt was hard enough
to do what the preacher told us.
l didn't really think about it at all.
lt just seemed natural,
the order ot things.
[ Man ]
l had doubts. l'll be honest.
- You did ? You never told me that.
- l don't tell you everything.
You better, you old geezer.
lt seems like it worked out
pretty well tor both ot you.
Oh, we're not married.
We're having an atfair.
I'm happy for
the first time in years.
- I don't believe this.
- [ Man ] l don't have any regrets.
My children are long gone,
and l gave my wite taithtul years.
Until l met Ned,
I aIways was convinced...
that sex was some horrible obligation
God put on women...
like cramps or high heels.
For all those years,
she never experienced a genuine orgasm.
Wondertul.
Could you watch my stutf ?
l'm gonna go pull
the emergency cord.
- Hi. How are you ?
- Hi.
- Truck.
- What do you have ?
A truck ? Can l see ?
Hey, hey, let me see your truck.
- Grab my nose. Oh !
- Grab nose.
- [ Giggles ]
- What are you doin' ?
What are you doin' ?
Slap me five. Slap me five.
- Five !
- Slap me tive.
Something's wrong.
He should have called by now.
He can take care ot himselt.
He's a grown man, isn't he ?
Daddy, what is it exactly
that you don't like about Ben,
besides the tact that he's from
New York and he voted tor Clinton ?
- That's not enough ?
- l voted for Clinton.
All the best presidents
sleep around.
- Help.
- [ Phone Rings ]
Hello ? Oh, hi, Steve.
- Ooh.
- [ Snaps Fingers ]
Oh, nothing, just, uh, you know,
staving oft a nervous break down.
Oh, well, thank you,
but l can't.
No. No, no, it does.
lt does sound like fun.
But quite trankly, a series ot
rabies shots sounds like tun...
compared to another evening
with these two.
Bridget, come watch the biography
of Newt with me. He's amazing !
He is not.
He's an imbecile.
- No, he's not. He's a damn genius.
- Well, then, you're an imbecile.
Maybe l can come by
for just a little while.
[ Train Horn Blows ]
[ Wheels Screeching ]
[ Man On P.A. ]
The train will be underway momentarily.
We apologize
for the inconvenience.
[ Sarah ]
Hello !
[ Echoing ]
Can you hear me ?
[ Echoing ]
ls anybody out there ?
No, but leave a message,
and we'll call you back !
Hi.
Hi.
l wasn't
expecting an answer.
l wasn't expecting to tind
some crazy woman on the roof.
Wanna come up ?
No, not really.
l think probably that the top ot
the train might be otf-limits.
l know. How many times in your life you
gonna see a view like this ? Come on.
Seize the moment,
Benjie. Come on.
l am. I'm eye level
with the sunset here,
so l have a better view
because l'm--
Come up.
- [ Weak Shout ]
- [ Echoing ]
Okay, buddy, this time, we're gonna
do it with a little more teeling.
- Okay.
- We're just gonna--
- Echo !
- [ Echoing ]
- l am alive !
- [ Echoing ]
Just a little-- Open.
Just push out.
Push out. No one can hear you.
Just throw it out there.
l am somebody !
[ Ben Shouting ]
- [ Shrieks, Laughs ] l think--
- Oh, God.
l think He heard me.
Excuse me. l'm fine.
Let me show you how l do it.
Okay, ready ?
[ Clears Throat ]
All right, here we go.
[ lmitating Tarzan Yell ]
[ Echoing ]
- [ lmitating Tarzan Yell ]
- [ Echoing ]
- Oh, God !
- [ Echoing ]
Stella !
[ Echoing ]
Well, that was nice.
You know, l mean, as sunsets go.
This is interesting.
l don't remember the rooster car.
- Do you remember seeing roosters ?
- No, l'm a vegetarian.
[ Rooster Crowing ]
Oh, no, not again.
Didn't you two hear the announcement ?
When we stop
outside Youngsville,
no one on the Savannah-bound train is
supposed to board the last three cars.
-We uncouple there, and then we reroute.
-What does that mean ?
That means this train's
going to Chicago.
Aah !
l got you. l got you.
You try to seize the moment,
you end up getting yourself killed.
- Will you jump ?
lt's not going that fast.
- lt's too tast !
l got you. l got you.
There you go.
There's another one coming
tomorrow afternoon, or there's
a bus station in town.
Okay, thanks !
l'm starting to get the teeling
that there's maybe a hint
that l'm not getting here.
- Just spell it out tor me !
- [ Thunderclap ]
- That pretty much spell it out for ya ?
- l'd say it does.
Whoo ! Yeah !
Whoo !
Hey ! Come on !
What are you doing ?
- Oh ! Come on !
- Oh !
- [ Laughs ]
- [ Groans ]
- Whee !
- [ Groans ]
- [ Groaning ]
- Oh, come on !
- Ah ! lt kills. lt kills. Ah !
- [ Laughing ]
[ Groans ]
Ow !
[ Both Groaning ]
- Not exactly a hub city, I guess.
- No !
But we'll come back
in the morning.
- What do we do tor the next hours ?
- Come on.
- l have an instinct about these things.
- No ! lt's hailing ! No !
[ Gasps ]
How are you ?
lt's so good to see you !
[ Chattering ]
- You gotta see Linda. Remember Linda ?
- Hi !
Hey, you guys, look who came.
Bridget's getting married this weekend.
[ Women Squealing ]
[ Man ]
Hey, hey, hey, hey
- Ouch ! lt kills ! lt kills !
- Hey, hey, hey, hey
Oh ! Oh, man !
- lt's open hours.
- What are you doing ? No, no, hey.
Benjie, they
cannot kick us out.
- Please, get up.
- Oh, God !
l love this place so much.
- Oh ! Oh !
- This is dry.
lt's the best thing l can say.
Oh, my God,
this is heaven.
[ Man ] Baby has an old witch doll
My baby rang his bell
l didn't have the time to tell
my baby fare you well
Hey, hey, hey, hey
[ Yells ]
Takes him down.
[ Both Laughing ]
l just wish we'd
stayed in touch.
- l regret not keeping
the friendship going.
- We're triends.
Steve, triends.
l regret that too.
How can l just
let you walk away
Let you leave
without a trace
When l stand here
taking every breath
With you
Ooh, ooh
You're the only one who
really knew me at all
So take a look at me now
There's just
an empty space
There's nothing lett here
to remind me
Just the memory
ot your tace
Take a look at me now
- Do you remember that song ?
- Yeah.
l thought you would.
All l'm saying is that l don't
understand the idea of living...
with just one person
tor the rest ot my life.
How do you make
a choice like that ?
That's like choosing what
you're gonna wear in years.
lt things worked that way, everyone
would still be wearing hot pants.
- Ya dig ?
- l never wore hot pants,
so there goes your whole argument.
Hey, life is supposed
to be a ride, right ?
You want to be on your deathbed
saying, "l played by all
the rules,'' or "l lived'' ?
'Cause l lived. l loved.
l tought. l broke hearts.
l screamed. l bled.
l guess thinking like that can explain
your hostility toward marriage.
l don't have hostility toward marriage.
l just have hostility
towards my husband.
You're married ?
Yep. Twice, actually.
you saw him. I was
kissing him at the airport.
My husband Carl was a hustler
from the first day l met him.
Who am l to talk ?
l was a dog walker.
He convinced me l should invest
in a bagel store down in Savannah,
because he thought they couldn't
make good bagels.
That's why they lost
the Civil War.
Of course, we had
to invest all my money,
because Carl's was tied up
in some phony tax shelter.
- ls that your $
you were talking about ?
- Yep.
l am going to sell the place,
get the last in a string of divorces.
Ot course, he doesn't
know about it, or the divorce.
Wow. What a story.
So do you think it's
a terrible thing l'm doing ?
You know,
deceiving my husband ?
No, l--
lt's none of my business.
Well, l do.
[ Man ] Beg you listen me, don't be
kissin' me till l'm done
l'm some champion of reason
like seasoning
Pepper your thoughts with spice
and entice you to a space
Where bass players
or layers are leaps
Think what I think
with my prayers, it's nice
My world is everything
I've become contained
In the hum
between voice and drum
l'm comin' from the same place
l'm still runnin' from
Even sittin' in the garden
l can still get stung
[ Moans ]
- Hi.
- Hello.
l'm gonna go outside
and take a walk.
Will you watch
my stutt tor me ?
- Yeah, sure.
- Okay.
[ Clears Throat ]
[ Woman ]
My Jesus
[ Continues, lndistinct ]
Mr. Spiro, hi.
lt's Sarah Lewis.
Yeah, listen, l'm on my way down to sell
the bagel shop. l should be there--
What ?
[ Sighs ]
No.
Mr. Spiro, l think
that's a misunderstanding,
'cause the man who called couldn't
possibly have been my husband.
No.
[ Chattering ]
No, Mr. Spiro, actually,
my husband-- He's coming
with me to sell the property.
- Hi.
- No, no, no, no.
l have these. How ya doin' ?
- lt's okay. l can pay for them.
- lt's the least l can do.
- Two tor the : to Savannah, please.
- Thank you.
[ Man ] Residents of Savannah,
Georgia, are at risk...
for the hurricane to make landfall
by tomorrow afternoon.
Where's my wallet ?
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Blows Raspberries ]
- [ Chattering ]
- [ Sarah ] Fun in the sun.
You've already won.
We're taking you to Miami.
Hey, Ben,
you know what this is ?
This is one ot those real estate things
where they give you prizes.
You look at one ot their condos. l used
to do phone solicitation for these guys.
l was wonderin' why you hadn't
mentioned phone solicitation.
They'll take you anywhere it they think
there's a chance of you buyin' a condo.
l'm sure you've done this before,
but it's not my speed.
Benjie, make you
a deal, okay ?
l will get you on the bus. l'll get you
down to Savannah for your wedding,
if once we're down there
just for a couple ot minutes,
you pretend you're my husband.
What do l have to do ? Treat you badly
and get you to make bad investments ?
No. We have no other option.
What options do we have ? Zero. None.
Yet still somehow, they seem
more appealing than this one.
l'm going another way.
Wait, Sarah.
- l don't wanna be your husband.
- Ben. Ben.
- Do you think l like these ?
- l don't know. Everybody's ditterent.
No, Ben, this is not tor me.
This is tor a little person.
- l know, your nephew.
- No, not my nephew, my son.
- You have a son ?
- Yes, l have a son.
l have a ten-year-old boy who lives
in Savannah with my tirst ex-husband.
And, um, l haven't seen him
in, like, two years.
l wanted to take the money trom the
store, and l wanted to give it to him...
for college or school
or whatever he wanted.
It didn't matter to me,
but l can't go in there empty-handed.
[ Sighs ]
So, please ?
Hey, everybody.
l want your attention for one second.
Hey, everybody.
l want your attention for one second.
l'm like to introduce
two new sun seekers.
Okay, Ben and Sarah.
- HoImes and Lewis.
- Just married.
Yes, l'm keeping my name.
What am l ? His slave ?
They missed their bus, so
l thought we'd give them a ride.
Actually, as it turns out,
they are looking for a place to live.
We were gonna stay with his
parents, but l can take that tor
a week betore l poke out my eye.
No otfense, honey,
but realIy, they're not human.
And guess what, everybody.
You're gonna love this. Ben is a doctor.
[ Applause ]
We came to the right bus.
Tell 'em what
your specialty is.
What's your
speciality, pooky ?
Tsk.
He's a surgeon. Yeah.
- Going to be.
- Going.
He's shy.
Brain surgeon.
That's why we're
relocating down to Miami.
Let's tace tacts. lt's like
one big emergency room down there.
No oftense. No otfense.
[ Man ]
Every day l get in the queue
Too much, magic bus
Get on the bus
It takes me to you
l'm so nervous
l just sit down and smile
Okay, one hour fiesta. A little taste
of Mexico, and you can drink the water.
Ben Holmes. [ Laughs ]
Sorry about the collect call.
l'll reimburse you when l get--
Okay. ls Bridget around ?
Uh-huh. She's out to lunch.
Okay. Who's Steve ?
- Come on.
- Yes.
Hyah, hyah, hyah.
Hyah, hyah,
hyah, hyah.
Hi.
[ Spanish Accent ] You wanna go on
the spinning sombrero ride ?
- No, not really.
- Oh, come on.
Bunch of -year-olds
are going. Come on.
Sarah, there's two kinds
of people in lite.
The kind that look at the spinning
sombrero ride and think...
that there's maybe some
amusement to be had there...
and the kind that look at it and think,
"Where will l throw up atter ?''
You really should get some thrills in
your lite before you die.
- Nausea is not a thrill.
- Shh !
[ Woman ]
I've noticed you around.
Everybody, say,
""Come on, Ben.''
[ Group ]
Come on, Ben !
[ Man ]
All right.
[ Sarah ]
Whoo !
[ Shouting ]
Don't throw up on me, Tony.
Let it out, baby !
[ Screaming ]
Murray !
[ Man ]
Hey ! Stop the ride !
Stop the ride !
[ Murmuring ]
Give him some room.
Where's Dr. Holmes ?
Anybody see Dr. Holmes ? Dr. Holmes !
Dr. Holmes, l think we, uh--
I think we need you.
Step back. Let the doctor
do some work, huh ?
- Uh, all right. Call .
- Somebody call !
We're gonna get
your head back here.
Okay. Listen for breath,
check tor a pulse.
Hey, you know what.
Step back, guys.
Let him breathe
a little bit, huh ? Step back.
[ Siren Wailing ]
Excuse me, guys.
Excuse me.
Dr. Keller,
this is Dr. Holmes.
He suffered an acute
myocardial infarction...
that was complicated
by ventricular fibrillation.
Okay.
But he's going to be fine.
You saved his lite. Good work, Doctor.
- [ Group Murmuring ]
- Good work.
Hey, everyone, l think
out of respect for Florence,
we're gonna stay
here in town tonight, okay ?
l made arrangements
at a local moteI.
We really have to get on the road,
so we're gonna part ways here.
- l absolutely insist. See ya outside.
- No, no, no, we're--
Wow. What a passion pit.
lt's the honeymoon suite. lmagine
what the wedding must have been like.
Mm-mmm.
[ Sighs,
Clears Throat ]
l think l'm gonna
take a bath.
- [ Clears Throat ]
- [ Door Thudding, Handle Squeaking ]
- [ Squeaking Continues ]
- [ Clattering ]
- Hi.
- Door won't close.
Need some help ?
- Thank you.
- [ Clears Throat ]
[ Bones Cracking ]
[ Water Running ]
[ Sighs, Mutters ]
Oh, yeah. Oh.
lf l call
three times a day
Come and drive
my blues away
- [ Groans ]
- Be ready to play
Do your, do your
lf you want
to have some luck
Give your baby
your last buck
And it you can't be
With the one
you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Love the one
you're with
- [ Radio Off ]
- l heard you said
you didn't love me
[ Vocalizing ]
If l need attention
Call, l'll call you
on the phone
- [ Tapping Quietly ]
- l'm gonna head down to the gitt shop.
- lt's Ben.
- Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.
lf my radiator
gets too hot
Yeah, Dad, uh, wire
the money to, uh,
Cash-O-Gram otfice
in Orin, South Carolina.
Yeah, Ben, Orin, South Carolina,
but what are you do--
- What is he doing in South Carolina ?
- l'm handling this.
What are you doing
in South Carolina ?
What's going on ? Are you coming
through the Bermuda Triangle ?
Could l talk to
you guys a second ?
- Certainly.
- Yeah, sure.
l was wondering--
l mean, l-- Are you happy ?
- You're asking if we're happy ?
- Yeah.
- We're very proud ot you.
- That's not what he asked.
- He asked if we're happy.
- I heard what he said.
- Why shouldn't we be happy ?
- l mean, uh--
With your lives together,
with your marriage.
- What kind ot questions are these ?
- What's this about ?
Well, on the way down here,
l met this woman.
- Oh, Ben, you idiot !
- Would you let him talk ?
What woman, you idiot ?
She's just--
lt's not like that.
lt's just that she's completely
ditferent than anyone l've ever met.
Please ! They always are !
This is not good timing.
- You're supposed to be getting married.
- l know, Mom.
l want to know how, when you got
married, how you knew you were
the right ones for one another.
[ Whispers ]
l understand. Listen to me.
Ben, when l met your father, l had
an opportunity to marry Sam Wellman.
- Sam Wellman ?
- Shh ! Will you please ?
- Who is now a very
prominent businessman--
- He sells pooIs.
They're not even built-in.
They're the kind you blow up.
- Some are built-in.
- Even they leak.
lt's okay. You know what ?
lt's tine.
l was just curious,
but it's--
Dad, l appreciate it
it you could wire the money.
- l'll be down there
as soon as l can, okay ?
- Okay, kid. Take care, huh ?
Yeah. Bye-bye.
Thanks.
[ Sighs ]
- [ Water Bubbling ]
- Whoo ! Okay.
Okay, now, we're honeymooning.
All right.
But, l mean, it seems like
what you're saying, though,
is that marriage
itself is good.
Oh, you know, yeah-- You gotta remember
your parents were young once.
They went out dancing.
They made love
in the back seats of cars.
Then they got married and had kids,
and the kids, they slowly...
sucked the life
right out of them,
until all their passion,
all their visions of a life...
of great adventure are reduced
to hoping to be able...
to sit on a goddamned toilet
in peace !
Well, l'm gonna get
something to eat, Joe, so l--
Well, l'm gonna get
something to eat, Joe, so l--
- [ Alan ] l can't believe it !
- [ Debbie ] How weird !
- Ben ! Oh my God !
- Hey !
- What's going on ? Hey, Debbie.
- Hi !
- How are ya ?
- I'm good.
- What are you doing here ?
- What are you doing here ?
Uh, it's-- You would not believe
what happened to me.
Tell me about it. When they closed
La Guardia, l couldn't get a flight...
out ot Newark or J.F.K.,
but, uh, luckily, uh,
Debbie here
had a vehicIe.
Uh, well, there's a certain symmetry
there. Best man, maid ot honor.
- You know.
- Well, not really.
- This is Joe.
- Hi. Farrell.
Head ot the Sunshine Seekers
Real Estate Company.
Joe, uh--
Joe gave me a ride down here.
And it was a pleasure.
Quite a couple.
- So, you guys staying here ?
- No, no, it's like
the only place for miles.
You know, we thought we'd stop,
get a bite to eat, pee.
- Yeah, so come on.
We'll give you a litt.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- You're not taking the good
doctor away trom us now.
- The good doctor ?
So, maybe you guys
should just eat,
and I'Il just come back down
and meet you in say, you know--
- Fifteen minutes ? ls that good ?
- Great.
- Let me grab the stuft out ot my room.
- You got a-- You got a room ?
- Yeah, the honeymoon suite.
A Iittle ba-da-bing.
- [ Chuckles ]
That's right.
Rehearsing tor tomorrow night.
- What's tomorrow night ?
- Hey, this kid's gettin' married.
- Yeah.
- [ Chuckles ]
That's-- that's funny.
He's already married.
[ Laughs ]
That's true,
you know,
but, uh, in my heart
l'm already there.
But we all have lives to lead,
so let's move on with that,
and l'll see you guys in a bit.
Nice talking to ya, Joe.
Okay, guys.
You gotta have heart
[ Man ] Please, ma'am,
l need your signature, ma'am.
[ Virginia ]
Signature ? For what ?
Look at this.
lt says "'damaged. " Do you see ?
- Can you read, young man ?
D-A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged.
- Damaged.
We're very proud ot Ben.
lf he's late, believe you me,
he has a good reason.
What l don't understand is how,
in this day and age...
ot A.T.M.'s and cell phones
and the lnternet...
and Voyager Two,
could it take two days--
two days--
to get from New York
to Savannah.
Oh, don't drink
out of the bottle, darling.
Thank you.
We are really
very proud ot him.
This is ridiculous.
l'll put an end to this
right now.
Pretending to be a doctor, listening to
my parents' advice on my personal lite.
Sarah ? Sarah ?
[ Bridget ] And where's my lousy
maid of honor ? Where's Debbie ?
Huh ?
Can l not at least have that ?
Who's supposed to be pouring me
drinks while l'm being stood up
by the so-called groom ?
Answer me that.
Thank you.
Honey, he'll be here.
lt's all gonna work out.
lt's true, Bridge.
Husband and wife, that is something.
lt must be nice to see your parents
back together, though.
Yeah, talk about
a match made in hell.
What do you mean,
""back together ?''
What do you mean
you're separated ?
Oh, honey, baby,
sugar lump,
it means your tather
has an apartment he stays in...
- when you're not here.
- l'm never here.
l stay there a lot.
When were you
going to tell me ?
Honey, we didn't want to
spoil your wedding.
This is your special time.
WelI, it would have been.
Okay.
Okay.
Get me outta here.
[ SaIsa ]
Whoo !
- [ Man ] Look who's here. Hey, Ben.
- [ Woman ] There's Ben.
l want to buy this man--
[ Continues, lndistinct ]
Whoo !
Whoo !
- [ Applause ]
- Whoo ! [ Chuckles ]
[ Piano ]
[ Woman ]
Get out there.
How can you
resist it ?
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Chuckles ]
You look like you should be
writing to your congressman
to protest cuts in Medicare.
Really ? That's exactly
the look l was going tor,
compliments ot
Sun Seeker Phyllis.
Listen, Sarah,
l just ran into, uh--
Shh. You can't do
two things at one time.
- Well, the plans that we sort ot--
- Okay.
You obviously didn't win your
tiancee over on the dance tloor
either, did you ?
How did you
and Bridget meet ?
- Uh, at a party.
- And ?
- lt was a surprise party.
- Oh, what a beautitul story.
lt must have been
a magical night.
No wonder you can't
write your vows.
No ottense, but l'm not sure l should be
taking romantic advice from you.
- You think ?
- Failure's a fantastic teacher.
You could learn from my mistakes.
l could tell you...
everything l hated about my husbands and
my boytriends so you don't do the same.
- Should l get a pad ?
- Get a scroll.
- A scroll ? [ Chuckles ]
- Aw, okay.
Never forget her birthday. Make
a really, really big deaI out of it.
Atter sex, hold her
for a little while.
- You know, talk to her
like a human being.
- Ah.
Uh, oh, and do not
wear your socks to bed.
- Why ?
- No socks to bed,
because you might not be
all that attractive to begin with.
[ Chuckles ]
No. Keep going.
Always, always side with her
in an argument with your mother.
Um, listen to her
like you mean it.
Supportiveness is
a really, reaIly sexy turn-on.
- Never, ever hit.
- No.
No.
And, um,
-no matter what annoying habits she has,
-Mm-hmm.
just realize that she's
dealing with a huge mountain
ot imperfections every day.
So you might just
want to let it go.
- That's it.
- That's it ?
Yep.
- Hey, can l sit there ?
- Hey.
[ No Audio ]
- Hey-- Aaah ! Ohhh !
- Oh !
Uh, let's get some air.
- Why ?
- l'm just-- l'm hot. [ Mumbling ]
Grilled prawns
or something ?
One second.
- What's the matter with you ?
- Hmm ?
- What's the matter with you ?
- Nothing's the matter with me. Do, uh--
- Do you know how to swim ?
- Of course l know how to swim.
[ Laughing ]
Aaah !
[ Debbie ] l'm tellin' you,
l saw him come out here.
That-- That's him down there.
That's him.
- l don't see anything.
- There's a body
at the bottom ot the pool.
No, l think that's
just a big drain.
-[ Chuckles ]
-l don't know what you're talking about.
- Oh, and P.S.-- you're a moron.
- [ Grunts ]
HelIo ? Excuse me ?
Hi. Hi.
- Do you know Ben Holmes ?
- [ Coughs ] l'm sorry. Know who ?
Ben Holmes. ls that Ben
at the bottom of the pool ?
l don't know, but l could
go ask tor you.
[ Alan ] It's not Ben, okay ?
He's afraid of the water.
He goes to the beach in a suit and tie.
Come on, let's go.
I found it !
l got it, l got it.
- What ?
- Goldarn contact lenses.
- [ Chuckles ]
- You oughta just stick with glasses.
Oh, hey, guys ?
What's going on ? What's happening ?
- Hi.
- Hey, Alan.
This is Sarah.
Sarah, Alan.
- This is my best man at my wedding.
- Hey. How are you ?
Debbie.
This is the maid of honor.
- Hi, Debbie.
- Hi.
So, how'd you two
hook up ?
Uh, l wouIdn't say
that we're hooked up, really.
l sort ot barely
know this person, but--
You were on the bus, right ?
Yeah, we rode down on the bus together.
There's a whole group of folks.
Rode down together.
Okay, and the whole
pool thing ?
She tell in the pool,
and uh,
didn't look like
she was a strong swimmer.
She was kind of
flailing around, so l--
There's no lifeguard on duty
if you see the sign there,
So I jumped in,
and you know, hauled her out.
Then, in the course ot that,
the contact lens tell out.
Here you go, miss. You oughta be caretul
with these, because they're--
Here you go.
lt's your contact lens.
That's a great story.
Bridget's really lucky
to be marrying such a great swimmer.
- Whoa ! What happened here ?
- [ Chuckles ]
Well, perhaps after you dry off,
you'll come back in for another dance ?
- You got it, Herman.
- Dr. Holmes, you don't mind...
if l dance with your wite,
do you ?
Yeah. You don't mind,
do you sweetie ?
- All right, all right.
Well, l'll see you in there.
- [ Sarah ] Okay.
l'm pretty disappointed
in you, Ben.
You know, everybody's always
telling Bridget she's so lucky...
because you're such
a nice guy.
Debbie, l am a nice guy, all right ?
This is not what you think.
Okay. [ Chuckles ]
Whatever, Dr. Holmes.
Okay ?
- Alan ?
- Ben, you don't need to explain, okay ?
Remember, l'm the guy
who begged you...
to sleep with more women
before you got married.
l am not sleeping
with her, man !
Okay ?
There's nothing going on !
Why-- Why won't you
listen to me ?
- Maybe because l'm
getting married tomorrow ?
- All right, look, Ben.
lt you're not gonna
take advantage ot a night...
that's gonna get you through many sad,
pathetic, lonely years, then--
[ Chuckles ]
My God.
l'll see you in the lobby
in five minutes.
[ Sighs ]
l hate to remind you,
but we had a deal, remember ?
You were supposed to be my husband if l
got you a ride. Do you remember that ?
Yes, l remember
that arrangement.
l did not, however,
presuppose the tact that Debbie...
is now on her way down to tell
my tiancee that l am holed up...
in a hotel room in South Carolina
somewhere with a woman...
claiming to be the wife
ot the good Dr. Ben Holmes !
What was l supposed to do ?
The Sunshine people think we're married.
They would have stoned us.
As it is, l already feel bad
enough about not buying a condo.
Why don't you just
tell Bridget the truth ?
What kind ot marriage do you have
if she doesn't believe you ?
- Just explain why you're with me--
- Sarah, l'm not with you !
We're not together !
This is not a relationship !
l just happen to be traveling
alongside a natural disaster !
- You know what ?
l realIy feel sorry for you.
- [ Sarcastic Chuckle ]
'Cause at least when l was getting
married, l could admit l was scared.
- WelI, save me your pity,
because l am not scared.
- You know what ?
You have such a problem
with honesty, Ben, you know that ?
- Oh.
- You can't tell your tiancee
what's going on.
You can't explain something absolutely
simple and innocent to your best man,
and you are
with me, Ben !
You could have left a hundred times,
but you didn't !
- I tried to !
- Then why are you still here ?
l'm leaving !
All right, tine !
You wanna talk about honesty ?
Let's talk about honesty.
- Bring it on.
- You complain about your lite,
nonstop, all the time.
[ Mimicking Sarah ]
lt's all your tault.
You are a beautiful, incredible woman.
You could have any guy you wanted,
but you keep picking
these losers.
And the only thing l can think ot
is that you choose these guys...
who are intellectually inferior to you
so that you can control them,
but still teel conveniently wounded
when the relationship ends.
You're the one that's afraid
of commitment. You back out
of every job you ever have !
You run away from anyone
and anything,
and you think it's so
unconventional and liberating,
when in tact, it's just
cowardice and juvenile...
and unable to face
the real world !
Ha ! Okay, you want honesty,
l'll give you honesty.
Do you know why you can't
write your marriage vows ?
Because you are absolutely territied
that you have nothing to say.
And why would you, Ben ?
Because you run around so scared...
that lite is gonna throw you this
curveball that'll completely shatter...
this crystal clear, pertect
existence that you've created
for yourselt in your Day Timer,
that you blurb your way out of teeling
anything emotional, anything real.
You have no emotions, and that's
what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.
You know what ?
At least l don't sit around obsessing...
that no one's going to
come to my tuneral,
because l have relationships
that last longer than a week.
- My funeral is gonna be packed !
- You know what, Ben ?
That is just great.
And l know your eulogy...
is gonna look so nice
on the back of a book cover.
l just think you are
an immature, seltish person.
WelI, l'm
obviously wrong.
Have a fabulous time in Westchester.
l do hope you enjoy the minivan.
God ! How great it must be to be
so cool and above everyone, huh ?
lt must be great !
Let me ask you somethin'.
How cool is it
to abandon your kid ?
l was years old, okay ? Fuck you.
You don't know anything about it.
- All right, weIl, try Sarah,
- Nothing.
because seventeen's not
working anymore.
Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift
Notes and have a nice wedding, okay ?
- Have a nice divorce.
- Okay.
Four, three, two, one.
- Okay, l'm leaving.
- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.
Five minutes. There he is.
l think he's-- Come on !
No, no, no,
don't--
- Well, that was smooth.
- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.
What's your point ?
Well, you see, if I'm
gonna turn my life around,
l can't very well
break up your marriage.
l'll have bad luck tor the rest of
my lite, karmically speaking, and I--
l am getting
married tomorrow,
l have nonretundable
tickets to Hawaii,
and l cannot make myself
leave this room.
Well, l like you too, Ben.
l--
I can't go through
with a marriage like that. l can't.
Ben, relax.
We didn't even get to second base.
Have you seen Dr. Holmes
and his wife ?
We're doing the raftle.
He's not Dr. Holmes,
and she's not his wite.
Okey dokey ?
Okey dokey ?
[ Sighs ]
l'm gonna tell her.
l think at the very least
she deserves that.
lf l can teel this way
about someone else--
Hey !
Come on !
- Why does this have to get dangerous ?
- Get in, you treak !
- God !
- [ Tires Screeching ]
ls that your ride ?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
Now what are you
gonna do ?
l don't know. Let's go get
the money my tather wired.
That should get us
a cab at least.
This is actually the pertect car
for this trip.
lt's already been wrecked, totaled
and destroyed. What else can go wrong ?
[ Clamoring, Shouting ]
Well, you asked.
[ Chuckles ]
- RealIy. That's interesting.
- [ Laughs ]
That's not really
that funny, actually.
[ Continues Laughing ]
l think we should just sit here
and wait tor the locusts to come !
[ Both Laughing ]
- Oh, my God.
- [ Laughs ]
- Oh.
- Oh.
- Yeah. All righty.
- Yeah.
She's on tire, Ben.
[ Chuckles ]
Well.
l guess we should, uh--
Yeah.
We should--
- [ Grunts ]
- l am slipping !
[ Both Laughing ]
This is so wrong.
But it teels so right to me.
[ Moans ]
[ Thud ]
[ Both Grunting ]
- Oh, good evening.
- [ Laughing ]
Good evening.
Good evening.
- Hi, Joe.
- lt is a good evening, isn't it ?
- [ Group Murmuring ]
- Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.
We made a call. There's no
Dr. Ben Holmes in New York City.
Unless you're
a veterinary brain surgeon.
Well, all God's creatures
are welcome in my otfice.
But the way you two carry on,
you oughta be ashamed of yourselves !
- You tell 'em.
- There is the matter of your bill.
[ Mumbling ]
Thank you very much.
- l'm really sorry.
- [ Sighs ]
- Let's look at this bill here.
- Seems a little excessive.
No, if you add the two and the two,
that's tour, and then, uh--
Run !
Jesus ! Jesus !
How long do you think
before they call the police ?
- Oh, about tive minutes ago.
- All right.
Yesterday l was just trying
to get married, today l'm a fugitive.
- Okay, l get it now.
- [ Dance Music ]
This is a sign.
This whole thing is a sign.
l am not supposed to get married.
Loud and clear.
We have to be in Savannah
in the morning.
The tuzz
are atter us.
Hey, Ben, how much was that car
we saw back in the lot ?
The disaster car ?
lt was $ .
'Cause l'm thinking
that if, uh--
lt somebody went
into this place right here...
and did, you know, a little
bump and grind tor the good
old boys, they could, uh--
they could probably walk
out ot there with that amount
ot money in their pocket.
Strip dancing ?
You're saying you'd just go in
and strip dance ? l'm talking
about something serious.
Ben, let's weigh out
our alternatives here.
On one hand, what do we have ?
We have a little harmless dancing...
that gets us to Savannah
where l have $ waiting tor me,
and you have what, ot your closest
family and friends waiting for you.
And on the other hand,
we have-- oh, look, we have nothing.
Oh, there's nothing there.
So, we have dancing, going
to Savannah. Oh, nothing !
- l see where you're going with this.
- You know l'm right.
[ Police Siren ]
- [ Police Radio, lndistinct ]
- The tuzz.
AIl right. Am l being
too prudish about this ?
ls that what it is ? Maybe l am.
l just gotta open my mind.
You go in there, you take your
clothes otf, you have the power.
Post-feminist. lt's aggressive.
You have the power and control.
l know what l'm doing.
Watch my back.
Watch your back ?
What, are we on Mod Squad now ?
- Hiya. How ya doin' ?
- Good.
l was wondering if y'all
had any entertainment.
- We got a pool table out back.
- What would you say
to somebody dancing on it...
tor a set price of,
l don't know, $ ?
I could guarantee you
a really good show.
- $ seems like a lot of money.
- What ? Look at her.
l am looking at her.
l'm not interested.
How much tor you
to dance ?
- Excuse me ?
- Ben,
l think this is
one of these places...
where everyone would much rather
see you dance than see me dance.
- You mean--
- Get your hands off of my man
Get your hands off of my man
Get your hands off of my man
lt's not tunny anymore,
because l don't even like...
to be naked at home
in my shower by myself.
- So, it was okay tor me a minute ago ?
- Well, it's on your resume.
lf you want me to blurb you
a novel, l could do that.
So much for power and control,
big guy. Get up there.
- All right, l'm sorry.
- There you go.
- [ Techno ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
Oh, watch me ride
l'm a sexual animal
Eat you like a cannibal
Prime for the energy
I'm inflammable
Yeah, l finished my beer
So come here
And get nice while I
Lick your ear
Put your legs over there
And kinda swing on a chair
l swear you look wicked
When your hand
is in your hair
Eyes half closed
Cute little nose
And like a pound
of self raising
I roll and roll
- Step out of my clothes
- [ Cheering Wildly ]
Like l'm doing
the right thing
It was pumping
and she was frightening
Yeah, lightning flashed
and thunder roared
They're really cheering tor you.
You're doing a great job.
Nope. Everyone in here
is looking at your ass.
This is where
l'm lost all night
lf loving you is wrong
l don't want to be right
If loving you is wrong
l don't wanna be right
Don't wanna be right
lf l come first
Well, that's not worse
[ Crowd Cheering Wildly ]
One take like an earthquake
l'll take a delight in making
the bedsprings sing all night
If loving you is wrong
l don't want to be right
- Whoo ! Ha ha ! Can do !
Let's check it out.
- Come on.
Whoo-hoo-hoo !
Look at that !
- Convertible style.
- [ Metal Grinding ]
[ Ben ]
l'm a sexual animal
Eat you like a cannibal
[ Chuckles ]
Well, l didn't have...
the g-string and the cowboy
boots, but, uh, l think it
was a good showing nonetheless.
Don't be too proud ot yourself.
You weren't that good, Ben.
Don't be jealous.
lt's amazing, because
the things you find so exotic
and interesting right now...
are gonna be the same things that
you're gonna hate me for in the end.
Why am l hating you
in this scenario ? What's--
Okay ?
Trust me.
A lot ot stutf's happened really tast.
You're just not registering it.
lt's registering, okay ?
l'm a gay dancer and l'm proud.
l'm a gay, gay strip dancer
and l love it.
Registered. Cha-ching ! Change !
[ Chuckles ]
The password is ""denial,'' okay ?
You've known me two days.
Two days. Now we're on our way down
to go break up your marriage.
That has
nothing to do with you.
l don't believe you.
l don't either.
[ Television Reporter ]
Amanda is beginning to gather
strength as it continues...
its journey in the Atlantic.
It's currently
a category two hurricane.
The hurricane is continuing
its push towards the northwest,
and that means the coastlines
of Georgia and South Carolina--
[ Continues, lndistinct ]
He'll make it.
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
That's it right there.
Yep.
- Oh, my God, that's Carl.
- Carl ?
My husband.
Surprise, sweetheart.
Who's this ?
l know it's not the guy you're
trying to sell the place to,
'cause l got an injunction.
Bullshit.
[ Scofts ]
This is so fake.
You can't even get
an injunction that tast, all right ?
- What are you doing this to me for ?
- Carl.
- l have to get back pretty soon, so--
- This is my place, okay ?
- l bought it with my money.
- Your place ?
- Yeah.
- For chrissakes, Sarah, we're married.
You wanna sell the place ?
That's fine, we'll sell the place.
You can send the money down to your kid
it that's what your worried about.
Now, come on.
Come on, angel.
You got no place else to go.
l'm not going, Carl.
You ungratetul bitch.
- What ?
- Hey. Hold on.
- Nobody's talking to you, my friend.
- Okay. Just cool it.
- Sarah, get in the car.
- l'm not going, Carl.
Forget it. Not going.
- l said get in the car, now !
- No, l'm not getting in the car !
[ Carl ] Goddamn you.
Hey, what's your problem ?
You sleep with her and you
think that means something ?
- You don't know
what you're talking about.
- Don't you tell me--
- [ Grunts ] Ohh !
- You all right ? You okay ?
- Did you find my thumb ?
- Get outta here, Carl.
- Go ! Go !
- You know, l got news tor you, buddy.
- You're just the next
number on the list.
- Just go home, man.
You know what happened with her kid ?
What did she tell you ?
Carl, don't.
CarI, don't.
- She let the dad raise him ?
Well, that's bullshit !
- Shut up.
The kid
chose the tather.
She was never
even around.
But even a six-year-old
could see.
You can't trust her.
Enjoy the ride, pal.
[ Engine Starting,
Tires Screeching ]
- Hey, are you okay ?
- Yeah.
[ Sobs ] Oh, Jesus.
Now l can't even go see him.
Who ?
Your little boy ?
[ Sobs ]
Hey.
- Why ? Because of $ ?
- Yeah.
Aw, Sarah.
l don't know anything
about raising kids,
but l don't think $
is gonna win him over.
- l think he wants to see you.
- [ Whimpers ]
[ Sniftles ]
Can't win him over. He obviously
doesn't want what l have to ofter.
[ Sighs ]
Sarah, you have the most
incredible ability...
to make people
absolutely crazy about you.
No, l have the ability
to make people crazy.
That's what l can do.
Really well.
- [ Sighs ]
- Sarah, everybody loves you.
- [ Chuckles ]
- You just--
You just think
they're all wrong.
[ Sniftles ]
When does your wedding start ?
[ Chattering ]
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
[ Lightning Striking ]
WeIl.
- Seventeen minutes late.
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]
Ben's usually
very prompt.
You must be
so very proud of him.
[ Knock On Door ]
l hate to interrupt,
but l think the hurricane...
may arrive
betore the groom.
Good Lord.
[ Sighs ]
Ben, where are you ?
[ Both Screaming ]
[ Panting ]
Look, we'll--
l just wanna get my bearings
here for a second.
- Okay.
- [ Exhales ]
- [ Exhales ] Well.
- All right.
Two strangers arrive at a wedding.
One invited, one is not.
And as the guests arrive
and the appetizers are served,
the true drama untolds just minutes
trom the altar. [ Chuckles ]
l don't think I'm gonna be able
to blurb my way out of this one.
Nope.
Probably not.
Okay. AIl right.
l'm just gonna
run in there...
just put a quick stop
to this whole wedding thing, you know.
Maybe grab a tew
gifts on the way out.
- You need anything ? Bread maker ?
- Um--
- Cuisinart ?
- No, no, l think l'm good.
Yeah.
You will be here
when l come back, won't you ?
Oh, well, you know me.
[ Chuckles ]
l would not presume.
[ Exhales ]
All right. Wish me luck.
Ben, do me a favor and just
forget about luck, okay ?
Forget about loyalty,
forget about...
being nice, torget about
polite, okay ?
Because this is the rest ot your lite
and possibly somebody else's too.
- Yeah.
- You know ?
Yeah.
Just be honest.
lf her tather happens
to shoot me on my way out,
l guess I'll see you in heaven.
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah.
l don't think l deserve heaven.
Ah, Sarah.
You deserve so much more
than you think.
You deserve to be
with somebody...
who will be really, really depressed
if your plane goes down.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Groans ]
[ Sniftles ]
[ Chattering ]
- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, man, what happened to you ?
- [ Chattering ]
- What, did you go swimming ?
- Ben ! Honey, honey, come on.
- l have to talk to you !
- Dad, l can't right now.
- We just want to talk to you
for a minute.
- l can't right now !
- Benjamin !
- Get in there !
- All right, Benjamin.
- Barbara, please.
l want you to
listen to your father.
- Ben ? We were thinking about...
- Yes.
what you were telling us
on the phone,
and the thing is,
nobody knows if it's gonna work out.
lt's all
a leap ot taith.
lt just so happened
that in my case, I was lucky.
My heart told me
to do something, l did it,
and years later,
here l am.
Don't speak.
You'll ruin the moment.
[ Guests Shouting ]
You have got
a lot ot nerve !
Now, maybe this is how
they treat women back in New York,
but here in Savannah,
we have a little more respect...
tor the sanctity
ot marriage.
- Oh, do you hear yourself ?
- l am not talking to you, Virginia !
- Where's Bridget ? l want to marry her.
- Who the hell are you ?
- Someone who gets
to a wedding on time !
- Hi, we haven't met. l'm Ben.
Steve Montgomery. l used to go out with
Bridget and l'm still in love with her.
- Can l see your invitation ?
- Hey, hey, hey, hey !
Excuse me ! Somebody should be asking
for your invitation, all right ?
P.S.-- you shouldn't even
be having a wedding !
- l saw him in the hotel
last night with some woman !
- Whoa ! Hey, untrue !
They are just travel friends.
And she's ugly !
[ Chatter, Shouting ]
Why do you New Yorkers
have to be so unpleasant ?
- l like New York.
- Put 'em up !
[ Shouting Continues ]
- Ben ?
- Yeah ?
Um, in about tive minutes, we're
supposed to be joined tor eternity,
and l was wondering...
- if you were gonna get dressed.
- [ Thunder Rumbling ]
- WelI, it it's eternity,
it can wait. [ Chuckles ]
- [ Chuckles ]
No, no, l think technically
eternity starts immediately,
especially when there's
ice sculpture involved.
- Well, Bridge.
- Yeah.
[ Thunder Rumbling ]
The truth is--
[ Sobs ]
l'm sorry.
This always happens at weddings,
you know ? [ Snitfles ]
l'm sorry l took so long
to get down here. Something happened.
lt's okay.
l know.
Debbie told me, and l told her that
it didn't matter because l trusted you,
and I knew you wouldn't
cheat on me.
And then l threw up. But, um--
Everything else was going wrong.
Everything was going wrong,
and my parents are separated,
and then this guy Steve,
who--
Bridge, you know what ?
l always thought that there
was this one perfect person
tor everybody in the world.
And when you tound
that person,
like the rest of the world
just kind ot magically taded away...
and the two ot you would just
be inside this kind ot...
protective bubble,
but there is no bubble.
l mean, or if there is,
we have to make it.
l just think that life is more
than a series of moments, you know ?
We can make choices, and we can choose
to protect the people we love,
and that's what makes us who we are,
and those are the real miracles.
Stop me when it just becomes glaringly
obvious that l have no idea...
- what l'm talking about.
- No, l know what you're talking about.
l do. l know exactIy
what you're taIking about.
Farewell, Ben.
l tell in love with you
the moment l saw you.
And when l saw you up there
on the balcony, l tell in Iove
with you all over again.
None ot the plane crashes
and the hurricanes...
and the other people
will ever change that.
Because when l'm on my deathbed,
l'm gonna know...
that l married the only woman
l ever really loved.
l think you just
wrote your vows.
[ Chuckles ]
l love you so much.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Shouting, Clamoring ]
- [ Virginia ] Get her out of the rain !
- Guys, hold on.
- [ Shouting ]
- You guys, it's only rain.
AIl right, all right.
l'm okay.
l'll be right back.
- lt's okay.
- Bridge ! Bridget !
You wanna get married
like this ?
Let's go get married...
under a waterfall in Hawaii !
- Okay.
- Okay. Let's go.
Morning smiles
Like the face
Of a newborn child
Better said unknowing
Rejoicing
From the sight
of a long lost friend
Speaks to me of course
But l feel
I have nothing to give
l have so much to lose here
ln this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
lt's nothing I'm not
feeling how to fall
Wind in tow
Grapes the flow
trembling on the vine
- Nothing needs to shelter
- Don't hit my house, bad lightning.
You're gonna
burn us down !
- [ Both Laughing ]
- But l feel
l have nothing to give
[ Ben ] Well, there's one quote
that pretty much sums it up.
-lt's from a bishop in the th century.
-[ Laughing ]
He said,
"Marriage has less beauty...
but more safety
than the single life.
lt's full of sorrows
and full of joys.
lt lies under more burdens,
but it is supported
by all the strengths of love.
And those burdens
are delightful. "
I have nothing to give
Sometimes the people we meet
change us forever.
l've never forgotten Sarah,
and l'm pretty sure l never will.
Wherever she is,
l really hope she's happy.
ln the end, all you can do is
commit to the people you love,
hope for a little luck...
and some good weather.
Hearts gone astray
Keeping hurt when they go
l went away
Just when you needed me so
You won't regret
l'll come back begging you
Don't you forget
Welcome love we once knew
Yeah
Where life's river flows
No one really knows
You're someone left to show
the way to lasting love
Like the sun it shines
Endlessly it shines
You always will be my
eternal love
Whenever love went wrong
Ours would still be strong
We'd have our own
Everlasting love
This love will last forever
This love will last forever
Open up your eyes
Then you'll realize
You've always been my
everlasting love
Need you by my side
Come and be my bride
Never be denied
Everlasting love
From the very start
Open up your heart
Feel the love you got
Everlasting love
Everlasting love
[ Funk ]
lf you're dumb and confused
And you don't remember
Who you're talking to
Concentration
Just seems to fade
'Cause your baby
is too far away
There's a rose
in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies
with the dove
And if you can't be
with the one you love
Honey, love the one
you're with
Don't be angry
Don't be sad
Don't sit quiet
Good times you had
'Cause there's a girl
Right next to you
She's just waiting
For something to do
There's a rose
in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies
with the dove
And if you can't be
with the one you love
Honey, love the one
you're with
Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do
Turn your heartache
Right into stone
'Cause she's a girl
A girl alone
So get it together
And you can fight
You're not gonna need
any more goodbye
There's a rose
in a fisted glove
And the eagle flies
with the dove
And if you can't be
with the one you love
Honey, love the one
you're with