Good The Bad And The Ugly Script
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Good The Bad And The Ugly Script
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Sergio Leone and
Clint Eastwood movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Good The Bad And The Ugly Script. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
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hurt my feelings. Honest.
You're...
...from Baker?
Tell Baker that I told him all that I know already.
Tell him I want to live in peace, understand?
That it's no use to go on tormenting me!
I know nothing at all about that case of coins.
Now that gold has disappeared.
But if he'd listened to me, we could have avoided this altogether.
I went to the Army court.
There were no witnesses.
They couldn't uncover any more.
I can't tell Baker what happened to the money.
Go back and tell him that!
Word's around you had a visitor...
...and Baker knows it.
Name of Jackson.
Jackson was here...
...or Baker's got it all wrong.
He's not wrong.
Maybe Baker would like to know just what you and Jackson had to say...
...about the cash box.
That's not what I'm being paid for.
I'm only interested in what name Jackson's hiding under now!
Why do you think Jackson may be assuming another name?
I would have found him already.
When I start off to find somebody, I find them.
That's why they pay me.
What is Baker paying you?
That your family?
Yes.
Nice family.
What does he pay you for murdering me?
$ ...
...to get the name!
The name!
Carson.
Bill Carson.
That's what he calls himself now.
Here's a lot of money: $ .
$ ...
...and some in gold.
That's a tidy sum.
But when I'm paid...
...I always see the job through.
It's you.
Any information?
Too much.
He said quite a bit that should interest you...
...and one or two things that interested me.
Such as?
The name Jackson's hiding under is...
...Bill Carson.
That's your bit.
Keep talking.
He also mentioned somethin' about a certain...
...cash box which just happened to disappear.
That's my bit.
Anything else?
Not enough for you, huh?
Well, you don't have to worry.
He'll never say anything to anybody again!
Perfect.
Here you are.
Here, this is for you.
You did a good job for me.
Worth $ !
I almost forgot.
He gave me $ .
I think his idea was that I kill you.
But you know, the pity is, when I'm paid...
...I always follow my job through.
You know that.
No pistol, amigo.
It won't do you any good.
There are three of us.
You know that you have a face beautiful enough to be worth $ ?
But you don't look like the one who will collect it.
A couple of steps back.
Thank you.
How much you worth now?
How much?
$ !
That's right, $ .
Yeah, $ .
¡ Hijo de puta que te parió!
You'll pay for this!
I hope you end up in a graveyard...
...with the cholera, and the rabies, and the plague!
Cut me loose! Cut me loose, you filthy bastard!
Put me down!
I hope your mother ends up in a two-dollar whorehouse!
Cut me loose! Cut me loose!
You can still save yourself.
Let me go, and I'll pardon you.
Let me go!
I feel sick. The blood is rushing...
I'm dry.
Agua! Water!
You swine! You son of a bitch!
You're brave with a man who's tied up!
Come back!
Come back and fight!
You bastard!
Who the hell is that?
One bastard goes in, another comes out.
Cut it out! Cut it out!
I'm an honest farmer! I'm innocent of any...
So, you're an honest farmer.
You recognize this man?
Yeah, it's you!
Who says so? You can't even read.
Roll it up. Roll it up!
I'll give you a good idea where you can put it.
To hell with all you sheriffs and deputies and all who gave birth to you!
Hey, everybody, look! Look! He's giving him the filthy money!
Judas!
You've sold my hide!
But you won't enjoy any of that money, not a penny.
If there's justice, that money will go to the undertakers!
Every penny of it. You know who you are?
You want to know whose son you are?
You don't, I do. Everybody does.
You're the son of a thousand fathers!
All bastards like you!
And your mother? Your mother...
You bastard!
Your mother, it's better not to talk of her. I never hurt anybody!
...wanted in counties of this state...
...the condemned is found guilty of the crimes of murder, armed robbery...
...of citizens, state banks, and post offices...
...the theft of sacred objects, arson in a state prison...
...perjury, bigamy, deserting his wife and children...
...inciting prostitution, kidnapping, extortion...
...receiving stolen goods, selling stolen goods...
...passing counterfeit money, and contrary to the laws of this state...
...the condemned is guilty of using...
Therefore, according to the powers vested in us...
...we sentence the accused here before us...
...Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez...
...known as the "Rat"...
...and any other aliases he might have...
...to hang by the neck until dead.
May God have mercy on his soul. Proceed!
Five for you.
One, two, three, four...
...five for me.
Five for you...
...and five for me.
Know how much you're worth now?
No, how much?
$ !
There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend.
Those with a rope around their neck...
...and the people who have the job of doing the cutting.
Listen, the neck at the end of the rope is mine!
I run the risks.
So, the next time, I want more than half!
You may run the risks, my friend, but...
...I do the cutting.
If we cut down my percentage...
Cigar?
...it might interfere with my aim.
But if you miss, you had better miss very well.
Whoever double-crosses me and leaves me alive...
...he understands nothing about Tuco.
Nothing!
Wanted in counties of this state...
...the condemned, standing before us... sitting before us...
...Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez...
...has been found guilty by the Third District Circuit Court...
...of the following crimes: Murder, assaulting a justice of the peace...
...raping a virgin of the white race...
...and statutory rape of a minor of the black race...
...of derailing a train in order to rob the passengers...
What'd you find out, Shorty?
If you ask me, it seems like a book!
An armed unit, escorting a cash box of gold coins, meets a Yankee ambush...
...and only three of them are saved.
Stevens, Baker, and Jackson.
The thing that wasn't saved, though, was the coins.
But then the Army decides, of course, it ought to hold a hearing...
...and Jackson's acquitted.
He disappears, and becomes Bill Carson.
I know his name.
But you don't know just who you're lookin' for, and I do!
And when he's found, I'd be scared to be put in his shoes!
- Where is Carson? - All I know is Carson re-enlisted.
The poor guy's minus an eye.
He lives with a girl called Maria, who'll tell you.
She's a fresh young whore in the territory.
Where is she?
Now, what's the name of that town? It's someplace very near...
Santa Ana.
Adiós, half-soldier.
Hand me down a whiskey!
Glad they got him. A man guilty of all those crimes!
People with ropes around their necks don't always hang.
What do you mean?
Even a filthy beggar like that has a protecting angel.
A golden-haired angel watches over him.
Of all these crimes, the accused has made a full, spontaneous confession.
Therefore, we condemn him to be hung by the neck until dead.
May the Lord have mercy on his soul. Proceed.
Let's get the hell out of here!
What are you saying? Anybody can miss a shot?
Nobody misses when I'm at the end of the rope!
You never had a rope around your neck. Well, I'm going to tell you something.
When that rope starts to pull tight, you can feel the devil bite your ass!
Yeah, you're right.
It's getting tougher.
The way I figure...
...there's really not too much future with a sawed-off runt like you.
What do you mean?
'Cause I don't think you'll ever be worth more than $ .
What do you mean?
I mean, our partnership is untied.
Oh no, not you.
You remain tied.
I'll keep the money, and you can have the rope.
You filthy, double-crossing bastard! Of all the stinking, dirty tricks...
The way back to town is only miles.
If you save your breath, I feel a man like you could manage it.
Adiós.
You filthy bastard! Come here!
Come here! Cut this rope off! Get off that horse!
Get off that horse! You filthy coward!
If I ever catch you...
...l'll rip your heart out and eat it!
I'll skin you alive! I'll hang you up by your tongue.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you!
Such ingratitude, after all the times I've saved your life.
You wouldn't leave me here...
Come back!
Wait! Listen, Blondie!
¡ Hijo de una gran puta!
You filthy rats!
Maria.
Is that you, Bill?
Who are you?
What do you want with me?
Go on talking about Bill Carson.
I don't know him.
You were calling to him in the dark!
Where is he?
What are you gonna do?
I'll ask the questions!
Where is he?
Where is he?
That's enough!
I don't know where he is.
He packed his things ten days ago, and went away with his unit.
They all left.
Which company? Where'd he go?
Third Cavalry, General Sibley.
They left for Santa Fe.
That's all I know. I swear!
I'm very sorry, but the store is closing.
Revolvers?
Revolvers!
Here's where I keep the best ones.
Remington, Colt, Farroute...
...Smith Wesson, Colt, from the Navy...
Jocelyn, another Remington, and this...
That's enough.
Cartridges.
- You wanna try the pistol, just step... - Let's go.
Cartridge.
How much?
$ .
$ .
How much?
$ .
$ . It's all I've got!
Come here!
This morning I heard the whole thing.
They say Colonel Canby's closing in with his Northerners...
...and no later than tomorrow that they'll be in the city.
That's why these Southerners are getting out!
You see, as soon as these cowards hear there are blue shirts around, they run.
- These rebels have no will to fight! - Poor things.
They'll soon be finished.
We get rid of these bastards...
...then we begin making money on those Yankees.
They carry gold, not paper dollars. And they're going to beat the South.
Look, see that one with the white beard sitting in the wagon?
General Sibley. He looks dead. He's finally getting out of our hair.
Hooray for Dixie! Hooray, hooray for Dixie!
Where's the owner of that horse?
Please, mister, sir...
...a bad heart condition... - Where?
The war has frightened me already.
I'm looking for the owner of that horse.
He's tall, blond, he smokes a cigar, and he's a pig!
Where is he now?!
You leave him be! He doesn't know who rides every horse!
You stay quiet, old hen!
Upstairs. Upstairs, in Room señor.
Hear that?
You rotten criminals, how dare you?!
Your spurs.
There are two kinds of spurs, my friend.
Those that come in by the door...
...and those that come in by the window.
Take off that pistol belt.
It's empty.
Mine isn't.
Even when Judas hanged himself, there was a storm, too.
That could be cannon fire.
Cannon fire or storm, it's all the same to you!
You ever see this before, my friend?
Throw it over the roof beam.
That's it.
And get on that!
That's right.
Now, make sure the rope is tight!
It's got to hold the weight of a pig!
Now, put the rope around your neck!
Yes, very good.
It's too big for your neck?
We'll fix that right away.
I have another system.
A little different than yours.
I don't shoot the rope.
I shoot the legs off the stool!
Adiós.
...guilty of the following crimes: Horse theft...
And Shorty?
Sorry, Shorty!
Move, come on, let's go!
I don't know. As soon as I hit the desert, I'm thirsty.
Burns, huh?
They say people with fair skin can't take too much.
Like that, you won't have to carry so much.
Where are we going?
Where?
Where I'm going, amigo.
Over that way.
Another miles of beautiful sunbaked sand.
Even the armies are afraid to march through there.
Sibley's men are retreating up there.
Canby's men are coming here...
...but no one will set foot in this hell...
...except you and me.
One hundred miles. That's a nice walk.
What was it you told me the last time?
"If you save your breath, I feel a man like you could manage it."
And if you won't manage it, you'll die.
Only slowly.
Very slowly, old friend.
After you, please. Start walking.
Taking a rest?
Come on, Blondie, we don't have very far to go. Only miles.
Only eight and a half hours more before sunset.
That's not too bad.
Come on!
And so, Blondie...
...it's goodbye.
$ in gold. It's yours. Just get me water!
What's that you say?
Who the hell are you?
My name's Bill Carson now.
Surprise attack.
All dead.
My name is Jackson. Not Carson.
Yeah, yeah, glad to meet you, Carson.
I'm Lincoln's grandfather. What was that you said about the dollars?
$ all mine.
Was the Third Cavalry's.
Baker has nothing.
The gold...
I hid the gold. The gold is safe!
Where? Here?
Talk!
In the cemetery.
Which cemetery?
On Sad Hill.
There's a grave by the...
Which grave?
Have a name? Have a number?
Come on, you dummy, talk!
There's no number.
There's a name.
It's written.
Water!
You talk first, eh? I'll give you the water later!
Sad Hill Cemetery, okay?
In a grave, okay.
But it must have a name or a number on it.
There must be you...!
Don't die.
Don't die! I'll get you water!
Stay there. Don't move, I'll get you water.
Don't die until later!
Get away from there!
He's dead.
I'll kill you!
If you do that, you'll always be poor.
Just like the greasy rat that you are.
If I were you, I'd...
...keep me alive.
What did he tell you?
A name.
Name on a grave.
What name?
Blondie, don't die.
Don't die! I'm your friend.
Please don't die. Please! I'm your friend!
I'll help you. I'll help you!
Don't move. I'll be right back. I'll get the water.
Don't die like that pig.
Water, Blondie?
Don't drink! It's no good for you.
Feel better?
Blondie, what's the matter? Please don't die!
I've got a very sick man here.
But we have no more beds here.
Let him have yours!
- Where is Pablo Ramirez? - Padre Ramirez.
He is away at the moment.
He should be back any day now.
It doesn't matter. For the moment, we'll take very good care of my friend.
May God be praised.
In case you didn't know it...
...God is on our side, too. Because he hates the Yanks.
Father, is he still breathing?
Yes, of course.
You're heavy.
All right, put a fresh bandage on him.
Put him in my cell.
Out, soldier. Out you go, come on.
Look out for him, please. He's like a brother to me!
Father, did he speak? Did he say anything?
Did he ask for me? Did he speak about anything?
No, he hasn't spoken as yet. But you mustn't worry.
He's both young and strong. That's what's kept him going until now.
He should regain his strength in a very short time.
Thank you, Father. You don't know how much this boy's life means to me!
The old Father tells me you'll be up and around in a few days.
You're very lucky to have me so close when it happened.
Think, if you'd been on your own.
I mean, when...
...when one is ill...
...it's good to have somebody close by, friends or relations.
Do you...
...you have parents, Blondie?
A mother?
Not even a mother.
No one.
You're all alone, huh? Like me, Blondie.
We're all alone in the world.
I have you, you have me.
Only for a little while, I mean.
It had to happen now.
What a dirty rotten trick of fate!
We could have all that money in our hands.
I must tell you the truth, Blondie.
In my place, you would do the same thing.
It's all over for you now.
There's nothing anyone can do anymore.
It's my fault! Mine, mine!
I'll tell you one thing, Blondie. If I knew that my last hour had come...
...I swear, in my place, in your place, I would do the same thing.
I would tell about the gold. Yes, yes I would!
I would tell the name on the grave.
After all, what good is the money to you if you're dead?
I know the name of the cemetery.
But you know how many graves there are there?
Please.
Please, have a little.
Coffee? Please tell me the name.
On the grave.
If I get my hands on the $ ...
...l'll always honor your memory.
I swear it! I'll always honor your memory!
Come closer.
Tell me.
I'll sleep better...
...knowing my good friend...
...is by my side...
...to protect me.
"Tuco, water. Please, water."
But if I get that name from you, I'll give you water!
All right, you dirty skunk, get your ass off the bed!
Come on, come on, the party's over.
The wagon is all ready to go.
From the way the wounded are pouring into this place...
...we better get the hell out of here before we get caught up in the war.
Tuco, Father Ramirez is back.
This is something I have to look into. It'll only take a minute. Get moving.
- Where? This way? - Yes.
Hey, Pablo!
Don't you recognize me?
It's me, Tuco!
Let me embrace you.
I don't know the right thing!
I was just passing by here. I said to myself...
...I wonder if my brother remembers his brother.
Did I do wrong?
It doesn't matter. I'm very happy.
You've seen me, Tuco.
Yeah, well, I'm very glad I came.
Oh, my uniform. It's a long story.
Let's talk about you. It's more important.
You look very well.
A bit thin, perhaps, but...
...you always were thin, eh Pablito?
What about our parents?
Only now do you think of them?
To begin after nine years?
Nine years?
So it's nine years.
Our mother has been dead a long time.
Our father died only a few days ago.
That's why I was away.
He asked for you to be there.
But there was only me.
And you?
Outside of evil, what else have you managed to do?
It seems to me you once had a wife someplace.
Not one, lots of them!
One here, one there, wherever I found them.
Go on, preach me a sermon, Pablo.
What good would that be?
Just keep on the way you're going.
Go away.
The Lord have mercy on your soul.
I'll go, I'll go. While I'm waiting for the Lord to remember me...
...l, Tuco Ramirez, brother of Brother Ramirez...
...will tell you something.
You think you're better than I am.
Where we came from, if one did not want to die of poverty...
...one became a priest or a bandit!
You chose your way, I chose mine.
Mine was harder.
You talk of our mother and father.
You remember when you left to become a priest.
I stayed behind!
I must have been ten, twelve. I don't remember which, but I stayed.
I tried, but it was no good.
Now I am going to tell you something.
You became a priest because you were...
...too much of a coward to do what I do!
Please, forgive me, brother.
My belly's full.
Nice guy, my brother.
I didn't tell you my brother was in charge here.
Everything, like the pope almost.
He's in charge in Rome.
My brother, he says to me: "Stay, brother, don't go home.
"We never see each other.
"Here, there's plenty to eat and drink. Bring your friend, too."
Whenever we see each other, he never lets me go.
It's always the same story.
My brother, he's crazy about me.
That's so.
Even a tramp like me, no matter what happens...
...I know there's a brother somewhere who will never refuse me a bowl of soup.
Sure.
Well, after a meal, there's nothing like a good cigar.
Wake up, you!
The troops are coming!
Blue or gray?
They're gray like us. Let's say "hello" to them and then get going.
Hurrah for the Confederacy! Hurrah!
Down with General Grant!
Hurrah for General... what's his name?
Lee!
God is with us because he hates the Yanks, too!
God is not on our side 'cause he hates idiots also.
Prisoners of war...
...forward...
...march!
Form a single file.
Robert Clark.
Present.
Sam Richmond.
Present.
Bill Carson.
I said Bill Carson!
Hey, Blondie, isn't that Angel Eyes?
All right, what's he doing? Sleeping?!
Yeah, and you better be Bill Carson.
That's me!
Please, Carson.
Answer, "Present"!
What are you, deaf?
Now, suppose you say "present," Carson.
I like big fat men like you.
When they fall, they make more noise.
And sometimes they never get up.
Wallace...
...that's enough.
Sergeant!
The captain wants to see you right away.
Be sure these two get good treatment.
Hey, Blondie, did you hear that? Good treatment!
For the last time, sergeant...
...l'm telling you...
...I want the prisoners treated as prisoners.
No more brutality!
There's hundreds of prisoners out there and only a few men to guard them.
What am I supposed to do? I have to have respect!
I think that you'll manage to gain their respect by treating them better!
Are our men treated that well in Andersonville Camp?
I don't give a goddamn what they do in Andersonville!
While I'm in charge here, the prisoners are not to be...
...tortured...
...or cheated...
...or murdered!
Is that an accusation?
Sergeant, gangrene is eating my leg away...
...not my eyes.
I know the prisoners here are being robbed systematically.
I know there's scum around, or bivouacked near the camp, waiting...
...for someone to deliver this loot.
But as long as I'm commandant, I won't permit any such trickery!
Am I clear?
Yes, sir.
Just as long as you're the commandant.
Yes, sergeant.
I know this leg means I won't last very long...
...but I pray I can manage to have enough time...
...to amass evidence and bring to a court-martial all those who discredit...
...and dishonor the uniform...
...of the Union!
I wish you luck.
You and the others better lay low for a few days.
I'll keep this. You go. Wallace will let you know.
- Bring me Carson. - Right.
Angel Eyes said for us to lay low for a few days.
But we'll keep close enough to keep an eye on things.
Come on, saddle your horses.
Come on in, Tuco.
Don't be bashful.
There's no formalities, here.
It's been a long time!
You're hungry.
Sit down. Eat!
I knew it, I knew it!
The minute I saw you, I said to myself:
"Look at that pig, Angel Eyes...
"...l'll bet he's got himself an easy job!
"And he never forgets a friend!"
I never forget old friends, Tuco.
It's good to see old friends again.
Especially when they come from so far away...
...and have so much to talk about.
And you do have a lot to talk about, haven't you?
You were captured near...
...Fort Craig?
If you were with Sibley, then you were...
...coming from Santa Fe?
Was it hard crossing the desert?
Very hard!
Especially if you don't have anything to drink.
Why are you going under the name of Bill Carson, now?
One name is as good as another.
Not wise to use your own name.
Like you, I bet they don't call you Angel Eyes.
Sergeant Angel Eyes.
Like a little music with your meal, Tuco?
Music?
Yes, very good for the digestion.
Bill Carson's a fake name, huh?
That fake, too?
Bill Carson's name is written on it.
Have some.
It's Bill Carson's tobacco.
Was Carson dead or alive when you found him?
What'd he tell you about the money?
I don't know what you're talking about!
More feeling.
You can sure consider yourself much luckier than your pal.
Wallace will punch your friend as long as the song goes.
So many of us have had a session in there.
How's your digestion, now?
You'd better talk.
I have nothing to tell you!
Play that fiddle, you!
I'll talk!
What did he say about the money?
It's buried in a grave.
Where?
At the Sad Hill Cemetery.
Which grave?
I don't know!
Blondie...
...he knows the name of the grave.
The war's over for you.
Put those clothes on.
Why?
We're going for a ride.
Where?
To find $ .
I know the name of the cemetery, now...
...and you know the name of the grave.
You're not going to give me the same treatment?
Would you talk?
No, probably not.
That's what I thought.
Not that you are any tougher than Tuco...
...but you're smart enough to know that talking won't save you.
And Tuco, is he...?
No, not yet...
...but he's in very good hands.
You changed partners, but you still got the same deal.
I'm not greedy. I'm only taking half.
There's two of us.
It should make it easier than just one.
Hold it. That's it.
Don't move.
Don't breathe.
Got it. Thank you.
Hey, Corporal, afraid he'll get lost? Where's the Rebel going?
To hell with a rope around his neck and a price on his head.
Yeah, $ friend.
That's a lot of money for a head.
I bet they didn't even pay you a penny for your arm.
I told you once, but if I ever get you down...
...you're gonna need a lot of help to get up again.
You're a lot luckier than that one there.
You get some proper rope, and you're all finished.
And there isn't any partner, this time, to shoot you down.
Get up!
Sure would like to put your paw on it, huh?
I would like to piss, it's rough.
I've been shaken up in this train nearly ten hours, now.
You smell like a pig already!
Let's try not to make things any worse.
Get goin'!
I can't while you're watching me.
You made a lot of noise my friend, huh?
You don't wanna break our friendship, huh?
Well, I'll break it!
Clemens, take care of the horses.
I've been looking for you for eight months!
Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand...
...I thought of you!
Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me.
I had lots of time to learn how to shoot with my left.
When you have to shoot, shoot! Don't talk.
Every gun makes its own tune...
...and it's perfect timing, large one.
Clem, follow him.
Just a minute. I'll be right there.
Just give me a little time to get dressed, and I'll open up.
Put your drawers on, and take your gun off.
How the hell did you get out of that pigsty?
My own way. I'm here with your old friend Angel Eyes.
You talked, you traitor! You talked!
No, I didn't talk.
If I did, I probably wouldn't be here, now.
So, only you know your half of the secret?
I'm very happy you are working with me!
And we're together again.
I'll get dressed, I kill him, and be right back.
Listen, I forgot to mention.
He's not alone. There's five of 'em.
- Five? - Yeah, five of 'em.
So, that's why you came to Tuco.
It doesn't matter. I'll kill them all!
They shot him at close range.
Well, look who's here!
The other one will be along.
They'll come looking for us.
Watch out!
There's two of them.
I want that blond alive!
You back there. Come on, let's go!
Were you going to die alone?
Angel Eyes is mine.
All right.
"See you soon.
"Idiots."
It's for you.
How peaceful and quiet, amigo.
Like a cemetery, for instance?
There should be a bridge across that river.
We better wait for nightfall.
Trust in me, Blondie.
I got a good sense of where I'm going.
Tuco has taken you this far, I will take you all the way...
- Tell the captain. - Yes, sir.
Come along now. Follow me.
We found them near the perimeter, sir.
Where do you hail from?
Illinois.
And you?
I'm with him.
Your reason for being around here?
We want to enlist, general!
You'd better learn to distinguish rank.
I'm a captain!
Get the hell out!
It sure as hell might be you today, so go write your will.
So, you want to enlist.
You got to take a test to prove it.
Well, show me.
You've got a career. At the least, I'd say you'll make colonel!
- Really? - Sure!
Like it says in the manual.
You've got every qualification to become expert in the use of weapons.
This is the most potent weapon in war!
The fighting spirit is in this bottle!
Volunteers...
You want to enlist?
Then let's go.
The shooting hasn't begun, yet.
Yes, because soon you can join the gallant heroes of Branston Bridge.
- We have two attacks a day. - Two attacks a day?
Sure.
The Reb's have decided that damn bridge is the key to this whole area.
Stupid, useless bridge.
A flyspeck on headquarters' maps.
And headquarters has declared that we must take that ridiculous flyspeck...
...even if all of us are killed.
Otherwise, the key'll get rusty and just be a spot on the wall.
And that's not all.
Both sides want the bridge intact!
Intact is how the South wants it. And we want it intact, too.
You'll all turn to dust, but one thing is sure, boys...
...Branston Bridge will stand unbroken.
Is it bad...
...to speak the way I do to volunteers?
I've done a lot worse.
I've done it. I've blown it up...
...in here. I've destroyed it all.
It's a court-martial offense to imagine... to dream of blowing it up.
A serious crime.
Even to think of destroying that bridge is just...
Why not really blow it up, captain?
Yeah, captain, it's nothing. Let's scare the hell out of them!
I've been dreaming about it.
I've even worked out a plan.
I sure have!
The best time is after the attack...
...when there's a truce to get the wounded.
If I could do it...
...I could save many thousands of men.
But what I lack is the guts.
They're beginning the daily slaughter, right on time.
Captain! All companies are awaiting your orders.
I'll be right there.
All right, friends...
...come along and enjoy the spectacle.
Companies!
Report!
Company B, ready!
It looks like the captain is really asking for a bullet in his guts!
I've never seen so many men wasted so badly.
I've a feeling it's really gonna be a good long battle.
The money is on the other side of the river.
Where?
Amigo, I said on the other side. That's enough.
But while the Confederates are there, we can't get across.
What would happen if somebody were to blow up that bridge?
Then these idiots would go somewhere else to fight!
Maybe.
Doctor, quick! The captain's wounded!
Hurry, a stretcher!
Easy, now.
Get things ready.
A little of this will help.
Take a slug of this, captain...
...and keep your ears open.
What're you doing?
You realize we might be risking our lives?
If I get killed, you'll never get your hands on all that beautiful money.
It sure would be a pity.
Can you help me live a little more?
I expect good news.
Why don't we tell each other our half of the secret?
Why don't we?
You go first.
No, I think it's better that...
...you start.
All right.
The name of the cemetery is...
...Sad Hill! Now it's your turn!
The name on the grave is...
...Arch Stanton.
Arch Stanton?
Are you sure?
Sure, I'm sure.
It'd be a lot easier with that.
Two can dig a lot quicker than one.
Dig!
You're not digging?
If you shoot me, you won't see a cent of that money.
Why?
I'll tell you why.
'Cause there's nothin' in there.
You thought I'd trust you?
$ is a lot of money.
We're gonna have to earn it.
How?
I'll write the name on the bottom of this stone.
The gun?
You pig! You wanted to get me killed? When'd you unload it?
Last night.
You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend...
...those with loaded guns, and those who dig.
You dig.
Where?
Here.
There's no name on it!
There's no name here, either.
You see, that's what Bill Carson told me:
"There's a grave marked 'unknown', right beside Arch Stanton."
Go ahead.
It's money! It's all ours, Blondie!
You're joking, Blondie. You wouldn't... you wouldn't play a joke on me like that.
It's no joke. It's a rope, Tuco.
I want you to stand up there, and put your head in that noose.
Well, now...
...seems just like old times.
Four for you...
...and four for me.
Sorry, Tuco.
Hey, Blondie...
...you know what you are?
Just a dirty son of a...!
Got it. Thank you.
Hey, Corporal, afraid he'll get lost? Where's the Rebel going?
To hell with a rope around his neck and a price on his head.
Yeah, $ friend.
That's a lot of money for a head.
I bet they didn't even pay you a penny for your arm.
I told you once, but if I ever get you down...
...you're gonna need a lot of help to get up again.
You're a lot luckier than that one there.
You get some proper rope, and you're all finished.
And there isn't any partner, this time, to shoot you down.
Get up!
Sure would like to put your paw on it, huh?
I would like to piss, it's rough.
I've been shaken up in this train nearly ten hours, now.
You smell like a pig already!
Let's try not to make things any worse.
Get goin'!
I can't while you're watching me.
You made a lot of noise my friend, huh?
You don't wanna break our friendship, huh?
Well, I'll break it!
Clemens, take care of the horses.
I've been looking for you for eight months!
Whenever I should have had a gun in my right hand...
...I thought of you!
Now I find you in exactly the position that suits me.
I had lots of time to learn how to shoot with my left.
When you have to shoot, shoot! Don't talk.
Every gun makes its own tune...
...and it's perfect timing, large one.
Clem, follow him.
Just a minute. I'll be right there.
Just give me a little time to get dressed, and I'll open up.
Put your drawers on, and take your gun off.
How the hell did you get out of that pigsty?
My own way. I'm here with your old friend Angel Eyes.
You talked, you traitor! You talked!
No, I didn't talk.
If I did, I probably wouldn't be here, now.
So, only you know your half of the secret?
I'm very happy you are working with me!
And we're together again.
I'll get dressed, I kill him, and be right back.
Listen, I forgot to mention.
He's not alone. There's five of 'em.
- Five? - Yeah, five of 'em.
So, that's why you came to Tuco.
It doesn't matter. I'll kill them all!
They shot him at close range.
Well, look who's here!
The other one will be along.
They'll come looking for us.
Watch out!
There's two of them.
I want that blond alive!
You back there. Come on, let's go!
Were you going to die alone?
Angel Eyes is mine.
All right.
"See you soon.
"Idiots."
It's for you.
How peaceful and quiet, amigo.
Like a cemetery, for instance?
There should be a bridge across that river.
We better wait for nightfall.
Trust in me, Blondie.
I got a good sense of where I'm going.
Tuco has taken you this far, I will take you all the way...
- Tell the captain. - Yes, sir.
Come along now. Follow me.
We found them near the perimeter, sir.
Where do you hail from?
Illinois.
And you?
I'm with him.
Your reason for being around here?
We want to enlist, general!
You'd better learn to distinguish rank.
I'm a captain!
Get the hell out!
It sure as hell might be you today, so go write your will.
So, you want to enlist.
You got to take a test to prove it.
Well, show me.
You've got a career. At the least, I'd say you'll make colonel!
- Really? - Sure!
Like it says in the manual.
You've got every qualification to become expert in the use of weapons.
This is the most potent weapon in war!
The fighting spirit is in this bottle!
Volunteers...
You want to enlist?
Then let's go.
The shooting hasn't begun, yet.
Yes, because soon you can join the gallant heroes of Branston Bridge.
- We have two attacks a day. - Two attacks a day?
Sure.
The Reb's have decided that damn bridge is the key to this whole area.
Stupid, useless bridge.
A flyspeck on headquarters' maps.
And headquarters has declared that we must take that ridiculous flyspeck...
...even if all of us are killed.
Otherwise, the key'll get rusty and just be a spot on the wall.
And that's not all.
Both sides want the bridge intact!
Intact is how the South wants it. And we want it intact, too.
You'll all turn to dust, but one thing is sure, boys...
...Branston Bridge will stand unbroken.
Is it bad...
...to speak the way I do to volunteers?
I've done a lot worse.
I've done it. I've blown it up...
...in here. I've destroyed it all.
It's a court-martial offense to imagine... to dream of blowing it up.
A serious crime.
Even to think of destroying that bridge is just...
Why not really blow it up, captain?
Yeah, captain, it's nothing. Let's scare the hell out of them!
I've been dreaming about it.
I've even worked out a plan.
I sure have!
The best time is after the attack...
...when there's a truce to get the wounded.
If I could do it...
...I could save many thousands of men.
But what I lack is the guts.
They're beginning the daily slaughter, right on time.
Captain! All companies are awaiting your orders.
I'll be right there.
All right, friends...
...come along and enjoy the spectacle.
Companies!
Report!
Company B, ready!
It looks like the captain is really asking for a bullet in his guts!
I've never seen so many men wasted so badly.
I've a feeling it's really gonna be a good long battle.
The money is on the other side of the river.
Where?
Amigo, I said on the other side. That's enough.
But while the Confederates are there, we can't get across.
What would happen if somebody were to blow up that bridge?
Then these idiots would go somewhere else to fight!
Maybe.
Doctor, quick! The captain's wounded!
Hurry, a stretcher!
Easy, now.
Get things ready.
A little of this will help.
Take a slug of this, captain...
...and keep your ears open.
What're you doing?
You realize we might be risking our lives?
If I get killed, you'll never get your hands on all that beautiful money.
It sure would be a pity.
Can you help me live a little more?
I expect good news.
Why don't we tell each other our half of the secret?
Why don't we?
You go first.
No, I think it's better that...
...you start.
All right.
The name of the cemetery is...
...Sad Hill! Now it's your turn!
The name on the grave is...
...Arch Stanton.
Arch Stanton?
Are you sure?
Sure, I'm sure.
It'd be a lot easier with that.
Two can dig a lot quicker than one.
Dig!
You're not digging?
If you shoot me, you won't see a cent of that money.
Why?
I'll tell you why.
'Cause there's nothin' in there.
You thought I'd trust you?
$ is a lot of money.
We're gonna have to earn it.
How?
I'll write the name on the bottom of this stone.
The gun?
You pig! You wanted to get me killed? When'd you unload it?
Last night.
You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend...
...those with loaded guns, and those who dig.
You dig.
Where?
Here.
There's no name on it!
There's no name here, either.
You see, that's what Bill Carson told me:
"There's a grave marked 'unknown', right beside Arch Stanton."
Go ahead.
It's money! It's all ours, Blondie!
You're joking, Blondie. You wouldn't... you wouldn't play a joke on me like that.
It's no joke. It's a rope, Tuco.
I want you to stand up there, and put your head in that noose.
Well, now...
...seems just like old times.
Four for you...
...and four for me.
Sorry, Tuco.
Hey, Blondie...
...you know what you are?
Just a dirty son of a...!