Voila! Finally, the Hairspray script is here for all you fans of the John Travolta musical. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. At least you'll have some Hairspray quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?
And swing on back to Drew's
Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.
Hairspray Script
Oh, oh, oh
Woke up today
Feeling the way
I always do
Oh, oh, oh
Hungry for something
that I can't eat
Then I hear that beat
That rhythm of town
starts calling me down
It's like a message from high above
Oh, oh, oh
Pulling me out to the smiles
and the streets that I love
- Good morning, Baltimore!
- Good morning, Baltimore
Every day's like an open door
Every night is a fantasy
Every sound's like a symphony
Good morning, Baltimore
And someday when I take to the floor
The world's gonna wake up and see
Baltimore and me
Oh, oh, oh
Look at my hair
What 'do can compare
with mine today?
Oh, oh, oh
I've got my hairspray and radio
I'm ready to go
The rats on the street
All dance around my feet
They seem to say:
"Tracy, it's up to you"
So oh, oh, don't hold me back
'Cause today all
my dreams will come true
Good morning, Baltimore
There's the flasher
who lives next door
There's the bum on his barroom stool
They wish me luck
on my way to school
Good morning, Baltimore
And someday when I take to the floor
The world's gonna wake up and see
Baltimore and me
I know every step
I know every song
I know there's a place where I belong
I see all those party lights
shining ahead
So someone invite me
before I drop dead
Before she drops dead
So oh, oh, give me a chance
'Cause when I start
to dance I'm a movie star
Oh, oh, oh
Something inside
of me makes me move
When I hear that groove
My ma tells me no
But my feet tell me "go"
It's like a drummer inside my heart
So oh, oh, don't make me wait
One more moment for my life to start
I love you, Baltimore
Every day's like an open door
Every night is a fantasy
Every sound's like a symphony
And I promise, Baltimore
That someday when I take to the floor
The world's gonna wake up and see
Gonna wake up and see
Baltimore and me
Yes, more or less, we all agree
Baltimore and me
Someday the world is gonna see
Baltimore and me
Mount Everest is the most
famous, but not the highest...
geographical point on this earth.
Now, who can tell me what that is?
Um, excuse me, Miss Whimsy?
I can't see the board again.
Tracy Turnblad.
If I have to write you up...
for inappropriate hair height
one more time...
you will be removed to detention.
Miss Wimsey, what am I supposed to do?
Hair can't just hang there like a dead thing
on your cheeks.
I mean, well... Uh-you know what I mean.
I... Ahh.
As I said, it is not Mount Everest.
Now, next week we will be talking...
about earthquakes and volcanoes.
And as exciting as that might sound...
we have to look back approximately
60 million years.
Now, if you turn your pages...
we are going to start
with the Ring of Fire.
I want you to contemplate what causes...
the separation of the two components.
Penny, come on, hurry!
Outta my way!
Push! We're late.
Ahh!
- One minute to air.
- OK.
40 to go!
Don't change that channel.
Coming up next: The Corny Collins Show.
30 seconds.
- Hiya, Dad!
- Goodbye!
Hi.
It's my daughter.
10 seconds. Places, everyone.
Hurry up, Penny, we're missing it!
My mom says I'm not
allowed to perspire!
Hey there, teenage Baltimore!
Don't change that
channel 'cause it's time...
for The Corny Collins Show...
Brought to you by Ultra Clutch hairspray.
Oh, every afternoon when
the clock strikes four
Bop bee ba ba ba ba ba ba bee ba
Well, a crazy bunch of kids crash
through that door, yeah
Bop bee ba ba ba ba ba ba bee ba
Well, they throw off their coats
And leave the squares behind
And then they shake it,
shake it, shake it
Like they're losin' their mind
You'll never see them frown
'Cause they're the
nicest kids in town
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Oh, every afternoon
you turn your Tv on, huh
Naa na na na na na na na
Yeah, we know you
turn the sound up
When your parents
are gone, yeah
Naa na na na na na na na
Then you twist and shout
for your favorite star
And when you've
practiced every step
That's in your repertoire
You better come on down
And meet the nicest kids in town
Whoo!
Nice white kids
who like to lead the way
And once a month
we have our Negro Day
And I'm the man who
keeps it spinnin' round
Mr. Corny Collins
with the latest greatest
Baltimore sound
So, every afternoon drop everything
Whoo!
Bop bee ba ba ba ba ba ba bee ba
Who needs to read and write
When you can dance and sing, yeah!
Bop bee ba ba ba ba ba ba bee ba
Forget about your
algebra and calculus
You can always do your homework
on the mornin' bus
Can't tell a verb from a noun
They're the nicest kids in town
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
R- r-r-role call!
I'm Amber.
Brad.
Tammy.
Fender.
- Brenda.
- Sketch.
- Shelley.
- IQ.
Lou Ann.
- Joey.
- Mikey.
- vicki.
- Becky.
- Bix.
- Jesse.
- Darla.
- Paulie.
- Noreen.
- Doreen.
And I'm... Link.
Aah!
So, if every night you're shakin'
As you lie in bed
Mony, mony
Shake it, baby
And the bass and drums
are poundin' in your head
Mony, mony, ooh, mony, mony
Who cares about sleep when
you can snooze in school
You'll never get to college
but you'll sure look cool
Don't need a cap or a gown
When you're the nicest kids in town
They must think my ears
are garbage cans.
Would you turn that racket down?
I'm tryin' to iron here.
Nicest kids in
Kids in town, whoo!
Ma, it's not racket.
It's The Corny Collins Show.
Well, it's turning your brains into mud.
Mrs. Turnblad, it's a new dance!
The Stricken Chicken.
Well, I can't hear myself think.
How am I supposed to negotiate pleats?
Edna?
I'm in here, Prudy.
What's that racket?
Ohh, Tracy.
Edna, is my laundry ready?
Yep.
That'll be $3.00, hon.
That's pretty pricey
for a pair of petty pants.
Well, I'm sorry, Prudy...
but some-a your personal stains...
required poundin' with a rock.
I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
You're letting her listen
to that race music again?
My daughter spends every afternoon
at the Stamp and Coin Club.
Oh, really? Well, your daughter hap-
Ohh, ohh.
Oh, what is that? The Wavin' Raven?
It's a little twitchy.
Oh, you wanna play Charades now.
All right.
OK, go ahead.
You.
Penny.
No. Ahh!
Tracy Turnblad, are you tryin' to tell me...
that-that Penny didn't get permission...
from her mother to be here?
What?
Penny.
You are banned from this house.
You will never watch that show again!
- Without that show I have nothing!
- Having nothing builds character!
Toodle-oo, Edna!
Give 'em a hand, folks.
All right, all right.
And, once again,
that's the Stricken Chicken.
We will be right back
for some more of that hot Detroit sound.
And we're off!
Corny.
"Detroit sound"?
What's that, the cries
of people being mugged?
Aw, velma, the kids dig
the rhythm and blues.
Yeah, they're kids, Corny.
That's why we have to steer
them in the white direction.
Right direction?
Didn't I say that?
I'll do it.
You try that again and there'll be stumps
where your feet should be.
You got that? You little whor-
Amber.
...holy moly. Baby.
Good job dancing today.
- It's time.
- Ah!
Link.
Amber.
Ah!
- Amber.
- Amber, Amber, Amber.
Save your personal life
for the cameras, sweetie.
Oh! Shiny.
Tammy, Lou Ann,
you're gonna die.
Speaking of cameras,
did you have a nice nap?
If you'd do your job, my daughter wouldn't
have to fight to be visible.
I gotta show some of the
other kids once in a while.
You know, this is a small city.
There aren't that many stations.
This time next year
you could be wearing...
an ill-fitting tux,
snapping bar mitzvah photos.
I don't know.
It takes two, baby...
Show Link.
This is nuts. She can't even dance.
Plastic little spastic.
Oh, Link. I can dance
so much better than her.
Why don't you notice me at school?
Mm-hmm.
Ooh
Hey, that was our very own Link Larkin
singin' It Takes Two.
And I'm Motormouth Maybelle remindin'...
the last Tuesday of this month's
your rhythm and blues day.
That's right! Negro Day
will be comin' your way.
So don't-uh... Uh... Over here.
Thank you.
So, catch all the croonin'
when y'all set and tune in.
Thank you, Motormouth.
And now it's time to...
Owner's coming. He'll call
my mother again, let's go.
...very own fun-lovin'...
Hey!
Come on up here, Brenda.
What?
Brenda will be taking a leave of absence
from the show.
How long you gonna be gone, Brenda?
Just nine months.
Seems like we'll have an opening
here on the show for a girl...
just as fun-lovin' but maybe
not quite as freewheelin'.
Wanna be one-a
the nicest kids in town?
Cut school tomorrow and come down
to station WYZT to audition.
- No.
- But, Ma.
Don't test me, Tracy Turnblad.
My diet pill's wearin' off.
But come on.
No one is auditioning for
anything in this household.
But why not? Why not?!
Because dancing is not your future.
One day you're gonna own
Edna's Occidental Laundry.
I don't wanna be a laundress.
I wanna be famous!
Look, if you wanna be famous...
learn how to take blood
outta car upholstery.
That's a skill you can take right to the bank.
- Hey, hey. What's all this ruckus in here?
- Not a word.
Daddy, tomorrow I'm auditioning
to dance on a Tv show.
- No, she is not.
- You are?
First the hair, now this?
But all the kids are battin' up
their hair now, hon.
You're no help.
It's "ratting," Daddy.
And our first lady,
Jacqueline Kennedy, does it.
I don't believe that.
What do you mean,
you don't believe that?!
- I don't.
- How else would it look that way?
I believe that it is naturally stiff.
She doesn't understand anything.
- Dancing on that show is my dream.
- I know.
Just because she wouldn't know
a dream if it bit her on the nose.
Well, I have information for you, missy.
I once had a dream that I owned
a coin-operated laundromat...
and I came down from that cloud
real quickly, I'll tell you that.
No!
- Oh, Wilbur.
- Fine! I'm going to my room!
She thinks I'm bein' mean
but I'm not. Those Tv people...
they don't pick people like Tracy,
or girls like us.
They're gonna hurt her, Wilbur.
I'll talk to her.
Ooh.
'K. Talk to her.
I'll talk to her.
Don't you worry.
OK.
What?
Tracy, this Tv thing.
You really want it?
With all my heart.
Then you go for it!
This is America, babe.
You gotta think big to be big.
Big ain't the problem
in this family, Wilbur.
You follow your dream.
Mine came true, and now I have the most
precious thing in the world.
The Taj Mahal of joke shops.
Heh heh heh heh!
Back step, cha-cha-cha.
Side step, front step.
Back and turn.
Front step, cha-cha-cha.
Tammy, sharper.
Side step, front step.
Back, again.
Oh, my God, Penny, there's Link.
Link!
Penny, pinch me!
Ow!
You told me to.
I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.
Side step, front step.
I can't believe I'm really
here watching you audition.
Front step, cha-cha-cha.
Back step, cha-cha-cha.
Side step, front step.
Back and t-oh, Amber.
Look at this motley crew.
Oh! This town sure has gone downhill...
since I was crowned
Miss Baltimore Crabs.
Ugh.
Oh, my God,
how times have changed
These girls must be blind
or completely deranged
But time seemed to halt
When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs
Amber, that move is far too dirty.
Mother, wake up from
that dream of yours.
- This isn't 1930.
- Ha ha ha.
You can laugh but life's a test
Don't do this, don't do that
Remember, Mother knows best
For the crown's in the vault
From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs
These steps are perfect ammunition
Let me show you how your mommy
dear took out the competition
Girls, go get 'em.
Boys, let's rumba.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
Those poor runner-ups might
still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
but I screwed the judges
Those broads thought
they'd win if a plate
They would spin in their dance
Aah!
Not a chance
Boys, put me down
Oh, good morning, ladies.
Let's see what you got.
Twist, twist, twist, twist
mashed potato, mambo
Ready, begin
On my show you'll never find
A thrusting hip or bump and grind
What's that?
A dance for fleas and ticks?
Oh, you should-a seen my bag of tricks
Oh, I hit the stage batons ablaze
While belting Aida
and preparing soufflés
But that triple somersault
Is how I clinched
Miss Baltimore Crabs
Proceed.
Are you scared we're on live?
No, I'm sure I can cope
Well, this show isn't broadcast in
Cinemascope
I never drank one chocolate malt
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs
This one will never get a date
In those hand-me-down clothes
Ha! Kid, she'll never get a date
till Daddy buys her a new nose
I would say "Oy, gevalt"
If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs
Do you dance like you dress?
Amber, there's no need to be cruel
Would you swim
in an integrated pool?
I sure would.
I'm all for integration.
It's the new frontier!
Not in Baltimore, it isn't.
And may I be frank?
First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you, I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it
And so, my dear,
so short and stout
You'll never be in
So we're kicking you out
With your form and your face
Aw, well, it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case
Of Miss Baltimore Crabs
Uh, you may go.
Um... Thank you?
I think they secretly liked you.
Cutting my class, Tracy Turnblad?
I trust it was something really important.
It should've been.
Gimme a break, yeah.
Right now!
Got a brand-new sound,
so scream and shout
Hey! Hey!
With a funky rhythm
It's a brand-new look that you can...
Whoo!
There's a party groovin'
let's get down
What you lookin' at?
Nothing. Not you.
Can I help you?
That move's swish.
Ya got that right.
The man can dine me
on a diet of detention...
so long as he don't starve
me of my tunes, baby.
- Does that dance have a name?
- Oh, this?
Call it the "Peyton Place After Midnight. "
I use it to attract, uh, the opposite sex.
Wow.
That is so groovy.
You're really good.
Why, thank you.
So would it be kinda like this?
You can't do that dance.
Hello, now.
Not bad for a white chick.
- Hey, I know where I've seen you before.
- Where?
On Corny's show on Negro Day.
Negro Day's the best.
I wish every day were Negro Day.
At our house, it is.
Hey. Show me another one?
You wanna see another one.
Well-well, here's a little
something signified to say...
Hello, my name is Seaweed...
Oh, oh, oh!
J...
Stubbs.
What's yours, baby?
I'm Tra-cy Turn-blad!
You're gonna get it, white girl!
Well, Tracy, you got it goin' on, girl.
You one of us.
You're joinin' this program already
in progress!
Well, let's go.
Whoo!
Yeah!
Got a brand-new sound,
so scream and shout
Hey, a funky beat,
now let's be hurrying
Whoa!
We can't wait now
Have some fun
This party now has just begun
No, I get who Caesar is.
But what's the "Ideas of March"?
I mean, how can
a month have an idea?
Hold on.
Come on.
Come on and watch me strut my stuff
Watch me
Come on and watch me
How you likin' detention now?
I'm a bad, bad girl who
needs to be punished.
Ohh
Hey.
You know, Corny's hosting
the hop tomorrow.
If he saw you dancin' like that...
he'd put you on the show.
Mmm...
- See ya.
- Mm.
Ah, whoa. Sorry, little darlin'.
Hope I didn't dent your 'do.
See y'all later.
Hey, Trace. I was looking for you.
What?
I can hear the bells
What? What are you talking about?
Well, don't-cha hear 'em chime?
Chime's not exactly how I'd put it.
Can't you feel my heartbeat
keeping perfect time?
And all because he
Touched me
He looked at me and stared
Yes, he bumped me
My heart was unprepared
When he tapped me
And knocked me off my feet
One little touch now my life's complete
- 'Cause when he nudged me
- Oh!
Love put me in a fix
Yes, it hit me
Just like a ton-a bricks
Yes, my heart burst
Now I know what life's about
One little touch and
love's knocked me out
And I can hear the bells
My head is spinning
I can hear the bells
Something's beginning
Everybody says that
a girl who looks like me
Can't win his love
Well, just wait and see
'Cause I can hear the bells
Just hear them chiming
I can hear the bells
My temperature's climbing
I can't contain my joy
'Cause I finally found the boy
I've been missin'
Listen, I can hear the bells
Round one
He'll ask me on a date and then
Round two
I'll primp but won't be late because
Round three
Is when we kiss inside his car
Won't go all the way
but I'll go pretty fa-ar
Round four
He'll ask me for my hand and then
Round five
We'll book the wedding band so by
Round six
Amber, much to your surprise
This heavyweight
champion takes the prize
And I can hear the bells
My ears are ringing
I can hear the bells
The bridesmaids are singing
Everybody says that
a guy who's such a gem
Won't look my way
Well, the laugh's on them
'Cause I can hear the bells
My father will smile
I can hear the bells
As he walks me down the aisle
My mother starts to cry
But I can't see 'cause Link
and I are French kissin'
Listen, I can hear the bells
Ahh ahh ahh ahh ahh
I can hear the bells
My head is reeling
I can hear the bells
I can't stop the pealing
Everybody warns
that he won't like what he'll see
But I know that he'll
look inside of me
Yeah, I can hear the bells
Today's just the start 'cause
I can hear the bells
Until death do us part and
Even when we die
we'll look down from up above
Remembering the night
that we two fell in love
We both will shed a tear
And he'll whisper as we're reminiscin'
Listen, I can hear the bells
She can hear the bells
I can hear the bells
She can hear the bells
I can hear the bells
Bum, bum, bum
Whoa!
Hey, little girl with the cash to burn
Well, I'm sellin' somethin'
you won't return
Hey, little girl, take me off the shelf
'Cause it's hard havin'
fun playin' with yourself
Once you bounce through
the whole selection
Shake those hips in my direction
Bringing back gifts
she never did see
Take me home and then unwrap me
Shop around but, little darlin',
I've got to be
The ladies' choice
Ladies' choice
The ladies' choice
Go on. Get out there and show 'em.
It's packed pretty tight.
OK. I'll go in front of you and I'll push.
Test drive this American male
Wait.
It's gonna take cash to fill my tank
So let's crack open your piggy bank
Hey, Seaweed!
Wanna do Peyton Place for Corny?
Are you crazy? You gotta
dance with your crowd...
and I gotta dance with mine.
Why?
It's just the way it is, Tracy.
But it's your dance.
Well, how 'bout you go
borrow it for a second.
- Really?
- Go get it, girl.
I'm the ladies' choice
Ladies' choice
Whoo!
All right! Yeah!
Whoa!
Hey, little girl on a spendin' spree
I don't come cheap
but the kisses come free
On closer inspection
I'm sure that you'll agree
Oh, hey, little girl, listen to my plea
I come with a lifetime guarantee
One day maybe we'll find
that baby makes three
Link!
It's the ladies' choice
I'm the ladies' choice
I'm the ladies' choice
I'm the ladies' choice-choice-choice
I'm the ladies' choice
Mr. And Mrs. Turnblad!
Hey, look out!
Ah!
Mrs. Turnblad!
Mr. Turnblad, come quick!
- Me?
- Come on.
Mrs. Turnblad! Come quick!
You gotta see this!
Oh, I read all about it.
It's a big fake Hollywood set.
No, Mrs. -
You think I'm gonna think
that he's really up there?
It's not John Glenn, Mrs. Turnblad!
Well, why are we watchin' this?
Just watch.
- Lou Ann!
- Joey!
Mikey! vicki! Becky!
Bix! Jesse! Darla!
- Paulie!
- Noreen!
- Doreen!
- Link!
And I'm Tracy!
Aah!
Oh! Oh, my!
Oh, yeah!
And the bass and drums
are poundin' in your head
Go, Tracy!
- Go, go, Tracy!
- Go, go, Tracy!
Who cares about sleep when
you can snooze in school?
You'll never get to college
but you sure look cool
Don't need a cap and a gown
When you're the nicest kids in town
Woo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo
Kids in town, woo!
Yeah! That was the dance of the week...
I don't know what happened, Mr. Spritzer.
Corny had some sort
of aneurysm or something...
and... picked her.
...by our brand-new Council Member,
Miss Tracy Turnblad.
So, Trace, come on, cozy up to old Corny
and tell us about yourself.
Well, I watch The Corny Collins Show...
and I do absolutely nothing else!
Ooh! I sure like the way you talk.
Oh, Wilbur, to think that
I almost stopped her...
from reaching for the stars.
And now here she
is on local daytime TV.
She's gonna be a regular.
Imagine, my little girl, regular at last.
I also hope to be the first woman president
or a Rockette.
And if you were president, Tracy...
what would your first official act be?
Hmm.
I'd make every day Negro Day.
I read you like tomorrow's
headlines, Tracy.
What do you think, kids?
You think we might
have a hot new candidate...
for Miss Teenage Hairspray?
That's only the dream of my life.
But Miss Hairspray is mine.
Uh, we're on the air.
And your dream will be
comin' to you, sweetheart...
Saturday, June 2nd,
right here on WYZT.
You have to vote for a person, Corny,
not one of the Himalayas.
Hi, Penny.
Always the charmer, Amber.
I want that chubby communist
girl off the show.
Well, let me be the first
to toss the harpoon.
She's a corrupting influence!
I agree. We don't want our dancers
thrusting like savages!
Hey, speak for yourself.
Don't get flip with me.
I'm not.
Look, now I got some
new ideas for the show.
First, we get rid-a Negro Day.
Finally, some sense outta you.
And we mix those kids in
with the rest-a the Council.
Mix those kids?
That's right, I said it.
This is not a black-and-tan cocktail!
Well, why couldn't it be?
velma, isn't this where
it's all headin' anyway?
Now, you can fight it
or you can rock out to it.
Maybe it is time for some fresh ideas...
like-like a nice, fresh new host!
Heh.
Gee, velma,
how do you fire Corny Collins...
from The Corny Collins Show?
They do it all the time on Lassie!
velma, you've let this go too far!
Me?
- Fix it!
- What?
Fix it!
Ohh!
Hey, look out for that movin' van
Drivin' down our streets
You better lock up your man
Before he meets the new girl in town
Who just came on the scene...
Tracyface whoopee cushion.
Good choice.
We got your Tracy souvenirs for days.
Here, your signed photos.
Tracy wigs.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
We don't know what to do
'bout the new girl in town
The new girl in town
Seems to dance on air
The new girl in town
She's got the coolest hair
You better tell the homecoming queen
to hold onto her crown
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Or she's gonna lose it to
The new girl in town
That big little girl is sending
my sales through the roof.
More people are breathing
aerosol than oxygen!
Do you think you could show us
some of those new dance moves?
Yeah, sure.
Ooh, pretty flowers.
Tracy, wait up!
She's hip
So cool
I'm gonna get her after school
And yet we'd like to be like her
'Cause she's the kitten
that the cats prefer
The new girl in town
Has my guy on a string
The new girl in town
Hey, look, she's wearin' his ring
I can't stop cryin' and
so in my own tears
I'm gonna drown
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
'Cause he wants to rendezvous
With the new girl
We're kinda sad and blue
Yes, it's true, girl
We'd like to say
To the new girl in town
The new girl in town
Hi, I'm here to see Tracy Turnblad.
Where's her write-up?
She doesn't need a detention slip,
she's with me.
Penny, this is Seaweed.
Seaweed, this is Penny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Huh.
To the new girl in town
The new girl in town
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
From out of the blue, girl
Hey, this town's in a stew, girl
Ohh, what a hullabaloo, girl
She ain't just passing through, girl
Ohh, she's sticking like glue, girl
Woo, to the man
I thought I knew, girl
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Hey, look out for that movin' van
Look out, look out,
look out, look out
She was the new girl in
Town
That's the way you do it.
And I'm your fabled
Miss Motormouth Maybelle...
your DJ du jour,
pitchin' rhythm your way.
So, hey, better stay
and shimmy and sway.
We'll be right back with more Negro Day.
Brought to you by...
Nap-a-Way, for stubborn hair.
Every kink will be gone in a blink.
We're off.
Girls, that was great.
How dare you pick the same song?
They wrote it.
You watch yourself.
You are one inch from being canceled.
You know what your demographic is?
Cleaning ladies and lawn jockeys.
A foot in the door, that's all it is.
One toe at a time.
Eh.
Hello?
Is this the Turnblad residence?
Yes.
Mr. Pinky speakin'.
Mr. Pinky from-from the dress shop?
Uh-huh.
I'd like Tracy
for our spokesgirl.
You want Tracy to do what?
Be our spokesgirl.
Be a spokesgirl?
I think she'd be perfect.
I'd like to meet her...
and discuss the details.
As soon as possible.
OK, um, well, we'll have send
someone down to meet you.
Tonight, if you can.
So, um, oh, OK.
Bye-bye, Mr. Pinky.
Bye-bye.
The Mr. Pinky?
From Mr. Pinky's hefty hideaway!
A spokesgirl?!
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, tell me I get a free caftan, tell me!
Oh, Tracy, I think perks like
caftans have to be negotiated.
Maybe we should get you an agent.
OK. You be my agent.
What? Tracy Turnblad...
has fame gone to your head
and made you wacky?
Well, why not?
Who's goin' to look out for me...
better than my mom?
Me, an agent?
You see me hobnobbin'
and drinkin' rum and cokes...
with all those hoi pollois?
And out-negotiating them.
Oh, you're crazy.
Oh, Tracy, I haven't left
this house in-in years.
Then isn't it time you did?
Oh, no, Tracy.
We'll have your father meet with him.
L- I don't wanna be seen like this.
Why not?
I'll do it after my next diet.
That's when I'll do it.
Ya see, the neighbors haven't
seen me since I was a size 10.
Don't make me do it, Tracy.
Ma, it's changing out there.
You'll like it.
People who are different.
Their time is coming.
Hey, Mama, hey, Mama, look around
Everybody's groovin'
to a brand-new sound
Hey, Mama, hey, Mama follow me
I know somethin's in ya
that you wanna set free
So let go, go, go of the past now
Say hello to the love in your heart
Yes, I know that
the world's spinning fast now
You gotta get yourself
a brand-new start
Hey, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Oh, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Go, Mama, go, go, go
Welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o oh
Hey, Mama, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Hey, Mama, hey, Mama, have some fun
I haven't left this house since 1951
Hey, Mama, hey, Mama, take a chance
Oh, Tracy, it's been years
since someone asked me to dance
So let go, go, go of the past now
Say hello to the light in your eyes
Yes, I know that the world's
spinning fast now
But you gotta run
the race to win the prize
Hey, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Oh, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Go, Mama, go, go, go
Welcome to the sixties
Ma, you did it!
Oh, Tracy, I'm a little lightheaded.
There's so much air out here.
Can't we go someplace that's stuffy?
No, Ma, you're on your way.
Hey, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Oh, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o-o
Go, Mama, go, go, go
Oh. They're so glamorous.
Wow.
It kicked.
Let's toast to that.
To a boy!
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Welcome to the rhythm
of a brand-new day
Take your old-fashioned fears
And just throw them away
You should add some color
and a fresh new 'do
'Cause it's time for a star
Who looks just like you
Ohh.
Ah!
Oh!
I thought we marked these down.
What?
Ohh.
Thank you, Nadine.
There's my shining star!
Fantastic to meet you!
I'm Mr. Pinky.
It's so nice to meet you.
Ha ha! Tracy, is this your older sister?
Oh, my.
Perhaps she'd like some
complimentary couture.
Couture?
Now, if you'll just sign here.
Flattery will not distract
Miss Turnblad's agent...
from reading the fine print.
Her agent?
Tracy, eat your donuts.
Let's talk.
Mm-hmm.
All right, let's see here.
All right. Now...
Mmm.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh. No!
I want a non-exclusive contract.
Extensions by mutual option.
And I want you to absorb
my 15 percent commission.
Not a dime over 10!
Throw in a bustier?
Hmm.
54 double D?
Triple E.
I hit the mother lode!
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Care for a Baby Ruth?
I got one right here.
Oh-o-o-o-o
Oh, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Go, Mama, go, go, go
Don't-cha let nobody
try to steal your fun
'Cause a little touch of
lipstick never hurt no one
The future's got a million
roads for you to choose
But you'll walk a little taller
in some high-heeled shoes
And once you find the style
that makes you feel like you
Something fresh,
something new
Step on out, hear us shout
Mama, that's your cue
Ba da ba da-ba-da
Step on out, hear us shout
Mama, that's your cue
Hey, Tracy, hey, baby, look at me
I'm the cutest chickie
that you ever did see
Hey, Tracy, hey, baby, look at us
Where is there a team
that's half as fabulous
I let go, go, go of the past now
Said hello to this red carpet ride
Yes, I know that the world's
spinning fast now
Tell Lollobrigida to step aside
Your Mama's welcoming the sixties
Oh-o-o-o-o
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-baby
Oh-o-o-o-o
Go, Mama, go, go, go
Welcome to the sixties
Open the door to the girl who has more
She's a star, Tracy, go, go, go
Hey, Mama, welcome to the sixties
Your mama's hip, your mama's in
Hey, Mama
Your mama's lookin' at herself
and wonderin' "Where you been?"
Where you been?
Your mama's lit, she's all aglow
Your mama, what she's holdin' back
Your mama's gotta let go, go, go
Welcome to the "six", to the "O"
To the apostrophe "s"
hey-yay, baby, yeah
Oh-o-o-o-o
Oh, yeah
Go, Mama, go, go, go
Oh-o-o-o-o-o,
oh-o-o-o-o-o
Oh-o-o-o-o go,
go, Mama, go, go, go!
Mmm. Mmm.
Wait till Dad sees you.
Sees me?
He never notices what I wear.
In 20 years, he's never even said to me,
"nice muumuu" or nothin'.
Now he will.
Well, maybe, if he leaves
that shop for 5 minutes.
I swear, I don't know
what goes on down there.
Well.
Mrs. Turnblad.
I'd know whose mother
you were anywhere.
Really?
Hello, Amber.
Hello, Tracy.
Ma, this is Amber and Mrs. von Tussle.
Mrs. von Tussle is the station's manager.
Oh, the station manager.
Oh! Oh, it was so nice-a
you let her on that show.
Well, Tracy certainly has...
redefined our standards. Ha ha!
That's for sure.
Let me guess...
brand-new dress?
Oh, yes.
Well, you'll stop traffic.
Ha ha ha.
It was nice meeting you. Tracy.
Bye, Tracy.
Ugh.
Ma, don't listen to a word she says!
I'm takin' this back.
Don't you dare.
- I am.
- Don't you dare.
Don't you know why she hates us?
She's afraid I'll beat Amber
for Miss Teenage Hairspray.
Really?
They can't put Tracy in special ed.
I won't have it.
I mean, even if I have to tutor her myself...
they cannot hold my friend back.
- You're a saint.
- Mm.
Oh, and it's totally not true about her
and the entire football team.
I mean, please.
Anybody can get grass stains
all over their back.
Amber, stop it.
I'm sick-a you doin' that.
Just because she's a good dancer.
Uh! I'm sorry.
You think that she can dance?
Well, maybe you'd rather
have her as your partner.
You could get sponsored by Goodyear.
Excuse me. What is
going on back there?
Tracy, that's horrible.
Mr. Flak does not have breasts.
What? No. I would-I would never.
What... Oh.
Oh, and Mr. Larkin,
perhaps you'd like to share...
with the rest of the class Patrick Henry's
immortal last words.
"Kiss my ass"?
You didn't have to do that, Link.
Hey, no prob.
Besides, looks like
a cool scene down here.
Right.
Hey, cool.
Hey, Tracy!
Not quite, huh?
Ah, damn. Just when I was gettin' it.
Listen, man,
you ain't gotta stop now.
My mom's havin' a platter party tonight.
Y'all wanna come check it out?
Now?!
Would you mind if I, too, checked it out?
I've never been to North Avenue before.
Uh, well, would it be safe?
You know, for us?
Calm down, cracker boy.
It's cool.
Wow.
Being invited places by colored people!
It feels so hip!
I'm glad y'all feel that way
'cause, uh, not many people do.
- Y'all know what I'm sayin'?
- Yeah, that's right.
Hey!
I can't see why people look at me
And only see the color of my face
Ah, yeah, then there's those that try
to help, God knows
But always have to put me in my place
But I won't ask you to be color-blind
'Cause if you pick the fruit then, girl,
you're sure to find
The blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice
I could say it ain't so but, darlin',
what's the use?
The darker the chocolate,
the richer the taste
And that's where it's at
Now, baby, run and tell that
Now run and tell that
Run and tell that
Hey, yeah!
I can't see why people disagree
Each time I tell 'em what
I know is true, oh, no
And if you come
And see the world I'm from
I bet your heart is
gonna feel it, too, yeah
I could lie but, baby, let's be bold
vanilla can be nice
But if the truth be told
Blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice
I could say it ain't so but, darlin',
what's the use?
The darker the chocolate,
the richer the taste
And that's where it's at
Oh, baby, baby, run and tell that
Run and tell that
Go run and tell that
Run and tell that
Come on and run and tell that
Run and tell that
Hey, run and tell
Go tell
Run and tell that
Link!
Link Larkin!
Hey, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah
- Whoo!
- Hey!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Come here, girl.
This is my sister, Little Inez.
Oh, I know Tracy Turnblad.
Good for you, girl.
You got on the show.
- Well, you better be next.
- Ya got that right.
Oh, you know she is.
You better show 'em, girl.
Yeah!
I'm tired of coverin' up all my pride
So give me five on the black hand side
I got a new way of movin'
and I got my own voice
So how can I help but
to shout and rejoice
Oh, the people 'round here
can barely pay their rent
They try to make a dollar
outta fifteen cent
But we got a spirit
money just can't buy
It's deep as a river
and soars to the sky, to the sky!
Hey, I can't see the reason it can't be
The kinda world where
we all get our chance
Aw, yeah
The time is now
So we can show 'em how
just turn the music up
And let's all dance, yeah, yeah
'Cause all things are equal
when it comes to love
Well, that ain't quite true
'cause when push comes to shove
The blacker the berry,
the sweeter the juice
They say it ain't so but, darlin',
what's the use?
The darker the chocolate,
the richer the taste
And that's where it's at
Now, baby, baby, baby,
run and tell that
Run and tell that
Ah yeah, baby
Run and tell that
Go run and tell that
G-g-g-g-go home
and run and tell that
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah
Whoo!
- Go, baby!
- Whoo!
It was horrible.
Mom, he just danced on that bus...
with that great white whale
and those negroes.
No, honey.
Reeling him back in is
the easiest thing in the world.
Remember, I control his career.
Ohh.
Now, don't worry.
Mommy will take care of everything.
Are you all hungry
for some good fun?
Yeah
Bring on that pecan pie
Pour some sugar on it,
sugar, don't be shy
Scoop me up a mess
of that chocolate swirl
Don't be stingy,
I'm a growin' girl
I offer big love with no apology
How can I deny
the world the most of me?
I am not afraid
to throw my weight around
Pound by pound by pound
Because I'm big,
blonde and beautiful
Face the fact,
it's simply irrefutable
No one wants a meal
that only offers the least
When, girl, we're servin'
up the whole damn feast
Well, looks like y'all
took a step outta bounds.
Now, who we got here?
Mom, I want you to meet my new friends.
This here is Link. Tracy Turnblad.
This is just so afro-tastic!
And this young lady right here...
is Penny Pingleton.
I'm very pleased
and scared to be here.
Oh, now, honey. We got more reason
to be scared on your street.
Latoya, put that record down.
You gonna scratch it.
Can't you keep your little girl...
Shall we dance?
Come on.
My name is Mike.
Mike?
Yes, Mike.
Mike who?
It's Mike.
Anyway, ahem...
I'm calling because
I have some information...
about your daughter's whereabouts.
- What?
- Right now, as we speak...
your daughter has entered
a hotbed of moral...
turpentine.
Baby don't sleep
Baby don't eat
Baby just like another boink-boink
Link, aren't you gonna get
in awful trouble for this?
I'm not plannin' on tellin' my dad.
No, I mean in trouble
with someone else.
Hmm. Maybe.
Maybe it's worth it.
I think knowin' you's the start
of a pretty big adventure.
Ahh!
Tracy Edna Turnblad!
Ooh, we get any more
white people in here...
this gonna be a suburb.
Do you know what I had to pay a cab...
just to consider comin' down here?
Oh, uh, Mom-
No call. You just disappear.
And all mashed up against a crooner?
Um, Edna Turnblad, this is Link.
Come on, we're goin'.
And, Penny, go home before
your mother shoots you.
Miss Edna, is it?
Hi, I mean, you don't
have to rush off, you know.
Well, I do. I left my iron on.
Oh, your iron.
Well, before you go...
you sure you
wouldn't like to have...
a little somethin' to eat?
Mmm-mmm.
Is that braised?
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh
Slice me off a piece
of that hogshead cheese
Whoo!
And take a look inside
My book of recipes
Now, don't-cha sniff around
for somethin' fluffy and light
We need a man who brings
a man-size appetite
We'll use a pinch-a sugar
and a dash-a spice
I'll let you lick the spoon
because it tastes so nice
We keep it in the oven
till it's good and hot
Keep on stirrin' till it hits the spot
Because I'm big,
blonde and beautiful
There is nothin' 'bout us
that's unsuitable
Why sit in the bleachers
timid and afraid
When, Edna, you look
like the whole parade?
They say that white
has might and thin is in
Well, that's just bull
'Cause, ladies, big is back
And as for black, it's beautiful
All shapes and sizes follow me
Who wants a twig when
you can climb a whole tree
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Groovy, baby. Groovy.
Hello?
Hello?!
- Graah!
- Oh, my God!
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Ah! You got me.
Ha ha ha!
Welcome, mmm,
to the Hardy-Har Hut.
If we can't put a smile on your face,
your skin's too tight.
- Oh!
- Bop, bop.
- Oh.
- I got somethin' for ya. Yeah.
It's just in.
You're gonna love it.
Huh?
Oh.
Cigarette?
Ha ha ha.
Tempting but, uh... no, thanks.
- Ha ha ha!
- Oh.
Well, eh.
What can I do you for?
Something for the mister?
Sadly, there is no mister at the moment.
Beautiful woman like yourself?
My husband...
...accidentally suffocated.
You need a fella.
I do. I do need a fella.
And the way to a man's heart
is through his funny bone.
Now here's an icebreaker for ya.
Oh, Miss Maybelle,
you do throw a lovely party.
But what are you celebratin'?
Well, it's kind of an ending.
But it deserved to go out with a bang.
What ended?
Negro Day.
What?
All right. Time y'all knew.
velma von Tussle just told me
we have had our last show.
No.
Yeah, it seems our little show
was a nice little placeholder...
- but it was time to get some ratings.
- Aww!
I didn't wanna tell y'all up front.
I just wanted to have a little fun tonight.
But I practiced so hard.
Now I'll never get a chance
to be on the show.
Oh, you will be seen, baby.
I promise.
You can't have your own show?
Fine, you'll come dance with us.
Hmm. Honey.
You been dozin' off durin' history?
Yes, always.
Trace, black and whites ain't never danced
on Tv together.
Well, if we can't dance...
maybe we should just march.
Ooh, that'd get some big ol' ratin's.
Better time slot, too.
Mm-hmm.
Like on the 11:00 news.
Ahh!
What y'all say?
Should we give this fine woman...
all the ratings she deserves?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Hey, hey!
Well, it is a school night...
and I think we oughta call it a night.
Tell you what.
We meet up at the church Friday, 4:00...
and we will march on WYZT.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
Yeah!
Tracy, you can't protest, hon.
I mean, these are lovely people...
but if you protest, you'll be on lists.
You'll be on files.
J. Edgar Hoover'll be still wiretappin'...
your cold, dead body in the grave.
Oh, Mother.
Link, we're going with them, right?
Walk with me.
You want your Belgian chocolate
animal droppings.
Dot dot. This store's for you.
- Oh! What a treasure trove.
- Huh?
Come here, baby.
Don't be sad.
We gonna make it happen, OK?
Can I go?
Now, come on, now.
I can't be worried about you out there.
Trace...
I been smilin' and dancin'
on this show for 3 years.
Mrs. von Tussle just promised...
I could sing at the Miss Hairspray pageant.
She's-she invited agents.
That's my shot, Trace.
I can't jeopardize that.
But it's what's right.
I'm sorry, Trace.
I just think this adventure's...
a little...
too big for me.
Oh, God. No, no, no.
That's not what I-
I get it, Link. It's your shot.
No, Trace, that's not what I-
It's fine.
Oh, hon.
I should go.
Give him time.
He'll figure out he's crazy 'bout you.
You have to say that,
you're my mother.
Well, I know a little
somethin' about men.
And, my personal favorite,
x- ray specs.
You can see through anything.
Skin, clothes, you name it.
Now, take your father.
And he's always downstairs
in that shop workin' late.
Do I take it personal? No.
Men always put their career first.
Remember that.
OK.
I'm really tired, I'm gonna go to bed.
All right, hon.
Night.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
I think I'm gonna go to bed, too.
Oh, I'm so tired.
You don't need those...
to see what's under these clothes.
There's a product that really works...
'cause these are phony
as a three dollar bill.
Incredible!
I could do a fan dance with a lettuce leaf...
and you would remain completely obtuse.
Obtuse.
Yes, obtuse.
I flunked geometry.
Yeah, well-and biology too, no doubt!
Yeah.
Wait! How 'bout this?
OK.
Those lips, those eyes
That food
Well, there ain't nothin' like a spread
To get ya in the mood
Wilbur, can't ya feel the
burnin' flame of hot desire
You're gonna need
more than some seltzer
To put out this fire
I'm wailin': "look out, old Balti-
"- more" I'm sellin' somethin'
You can't purchase
at a ten-cent store
Oh, Wilbur, I feel like a princess
Come on and take me to the ball
I bet you're tired of heavy lifting
Get your hands on somethin' small
Because I'm a-big-
-blonde-
-and beautiful
It's time to face the facts
It's irrefutable
Why waste one more minute
Now I feel brand spankin' new
Hey, Wilbur, take a look
It's all for
You!
You?!
Ohh!
Edna.
Your wife! You said she was out! Oh!
Wait a minute!
Hi, hon.
Ma, you don't really believe
that he would do that.
You are never setting foot
on that show again.
You hear me?
I heard you the first 400 times, Ma.
- Hey.
- Huh.
Oh.
Daddy.
It wasn't me.
I had to improvise
a bed out of something.
Whoopee cushions?
That will play heck with my sciatica.
Oop. That one was me.
Oh. Oh.
Daddy, are you OK?
Ohh.
Tracy, you know...
these peepers have never
looked at another woman.
This heart only beats for size 60.
Daddy, you know what velma wanted.
She wanted me off the show.
And I knew that,
but how could she go that far?
Come here. Come here, little girl.
Little girl.
And then to just cancel
Negro Day like that.
Just to make sure that
nobody who's different...
or who's black or Chinese...
or maybe who needs to lose a few pounds.
What are you talking? Stop it.
What are you talking?
I think I've been in a bubble or something.
Thinking that fairness
was just going to happen.
It's not.
I think people like me
are gonna have to get up...
off their father's laps and go
out there and fight for it.
Ahh. Your mother and I...
We don't see too far
past our front door.
But you... see all the way to Schenectady.
So, if there's something
you need to stand up for...
don't ya listen to old dogs like us.
We need to learn some new tricks...
from you.
You don't need new tricks, Dad.
You need Mom.
She changed the locks.
Oh.
Good night, Daddy.
Aw, wow.
Come on, baby.
Honey, took me 5 years...
to figure out you were flirting.
How could I ever?
Well, she is very glamorous.
Edna.
She just makes me feel old.
Nonsense.
Doll!
You're spry as a Slinky.
I'm not talkin' to you.
Styles keep a-changin',
the world's rearrangin'
But, Edna,
you're timeless to me
Hemlines are shorter,
a beer costs a quarter
But time cannot take what comes free
You're like a stinky old cheese, babe
Just gettin' riper with age
You're like a fatal disease, babe
What?
But there's no cure,
so let this fever rage
Some folks can't stand it,
say time is a bandit
But I take the opposite view
'Cause when I need a lift
Time brings a gift
Another day with you
A twist or a waltz
It's all the same schmaltz
With just a change in the scenery
You'll never be old hat
That's that
You're timeless to me
Fads keep a-fadin'
Castro's invadin'
But, Wilbur,
you're timeless to me
Hairdos are higher
Mine feels like barbed wire
But you say I'm chic as can be
You're like a rare vintage ripple
Thank you.
A vintage they'll never forget
So pour me a teeny-weeny triple
Any time!
And we can toast the fact
we ain't dead yet
What?
I can't stop eating
Your hairline's receding
Hey.
And soon
you'll have nothing at all
Never.
So you'll wear a wig
While I roast a pig
Hey! Pass that Geritol
I love pig.
Glenn Miller had brass
That Chubby Checker's a gas
But they all pass eventually
You'll never be passé, hip-hooray
You're timeless to me
Heh heh heh!
Grrr!
You're like a broken-down Chevy
All I need is a fresh coat of paint
And, Edna, ya got me
goin' hot and heavy
You're fat and old
- What?
- But, baby, boring you ain't
Some folks don't get it
But we never fret it
'Cause we know
that time is our friend
Yeah, it's plain to see
That you're stuck with me
Until the bitter end
And we got a kid who's blowin' the lid
Off the Turnblad family tree
You'll always hit the spot
Big shot
You're timeless to me
You'll always be du jour, mon amour
You're timeless to me
You'll always be first string
Ring-a-ding-ding
You're timeless to me
You're timeless
To me
Oh, Wilbur.
Tracy.
Wake up, hon.
Wake up. Everything's good again.
Wilbur! Wilbur!
Uhh!
Seaweed, help pass
those signs out.
Give her one.
Hey, Jackie, we're over here.
Aw, you
lookin' good, Gertrude.
C'mon, y'all.
Here we go now.
Tracy!
You're gonna pay a heavy price.
I know.
You'll never dance on Tv again.
If I can't dance
with Seaweed and Little Inez...
then I don't wanna dance on Tv at all.
I just want tomorrow to be better.
There's a light
In the darkness
Though the night
is black as my skin
There's a light burnin' bright
Showing me the way
But I know where I've been
There's a cry
In the distance
It's a voice that comes
from deep within
Hey, yeah
There's a cry askin' why
I pray the answer's up ahead
'Cause I know where I've been
There's a road
We been travelin'
Lost so many
On the way
But the riches will be plenty
Worth the price
The price we had to pay
There's a dream
- In the future
- Ooh-ooh
There's a struggle
That we have yet to win
And there's pride in my heart
'Cause I know where I'm goin'
Yes, I do
And I know where I've been
Yeah
There's a road
We must travel
There's a promise
There is a promise
We must make
That we must make
But the riches
Oh, but the riches
Will be plenty
The riches will be plenty, yeah
Worth the risk
And the chances that we take
And the chances we take
There's a dream
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, in the future
There's a struggle
Struggle
That we have yet to win
We have yet to win
Use that pride
Pride
In our hearts
To lift us up
Lift us up
Until tomorrow
Oooh
'Cause just to sit
still would be a sin
I know it, I know it,
I know where I'm goin'
Lord knows I know
Where I've been
Oh, when we win
Yeah, I'll give thanks to my God
'Cause I know where I've been
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Oh, yeah, amen!
Amen, amen!
That's right.
Tracy, hon, you don't
know what you're doing.
Yes, I do, Ma.
Hello, Miss Maybelle.
Well, good evening, Miss Edna.
Nice-a you to join us.
She's got a lovely turnout.
Now I really think they
don't need you anymore.
You come home with me.
Oh.
No, we are not sending a camera crew.
They're protesting
our own station, dimwit.
Why is Channel Five there?
Well, of course they're all Negroes.
And why would-?
Ahh! Ohh.
I know who would.
Oh, I know exactly who would.
2, 4, 6, 8!
Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8! Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8!
Oh, my God, no!
Tv's got to integrate!
- No!
- Ma, come on.
The sound's not working.
You knew there'd be police.
- But I didn't know there'd be cameras.
- So?
Oh, I cannot be seen on television
at this present weight.
2, 4, 6, 8!
Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8!
Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8!
Tv's got to integrate!
Excuse me.
Is there some reason
we can't pass by peacefully?
I strongly suggest you
and your little friends...
head back to where you come from.
Hey, you don't have to be so rude.
Tracy!
It's all right, Tracy.
I can handle this.
'Scuse me. She was talking to you.
- Oh, Tracy!
- Oh!
Tracy, no.
You just assaulted a police officer, miss.
- No!
- I what?!
Assaulted?!
Enough! Hey!
All right, boys.
Let's take the whole lot in.
- No!
- Run, Tracy! Run!
2, 4, 6, 8! Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8!
Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8! Tv's got to integrate!
2, 4, 6, 8!
Tv's got to integrate!
And our cameras also
caught Tracy Turnblad...
the teenage Tv personality
and rabble-rouser.
Miss Turnblad brutally
attacked a sergeant...
with a blunt instrument
before fleeing the scene...
You see? You see?
If I let you leave the house...
right now you'd be in prison
fighting whores for cigarettes.
That Tracy Turnblad always
was a bad influence.
Well, you are never, ever gonna see that
beehived harlot again.
OK, Mother. Excuse me.
Penny?
Pray for her.
She's gonna need it.
Tracy! Tracy!
She's not here, I told you.
Hon, she knows...
if the cops are lookin' for her...
this is the first place they'll come.
What this must-a put you through, Wilbur.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not.
You're not?
I'm proud-a you.
You are?
Baby, somebody had to do somethin'.
'Course, we may be eating beans
for the next 10 years.
Bail for 20's kind of pricey.
You bailed all those people out?
Ya upset with me?
I'm sorry.
Hon, it just seemed like the right thing.
Oh, Wilbur, it was the right thing.
Knights in armor
don't come any shinier than you.
But where's our little girl?
Are you OK, Trace?
Oh, you have no idea.
Come on.
Thank you so much.
You're such a great friend.
Thanks.
Penny, the cops are looking for me
everywhere.
You could go to jail for helping me.
Tracy, I'm already in jail. Come on.
Oh, no.
- What?
- Your hair deflated.
Oh, let it.
It was just a symbol
of my conformity to the man.
You are so tough.
So, what do ya think?
Maybe you could live down here.
I don't even know why we
have this room down here...
but there's food, water...
first aid kit, gas mask,
Russian-language books.
It's very well-insulated.
It won't be where you're going.
The police are on their way.
Mom, please don't send my best friend
to the big house.
Penny, hush.
You haven't heard the last
of me, Mrs. Pingleton.
Things need to change...
and I won't stop tryin' to change them.
I don't care how long it takes.
Good, you'll be waiting 20 to life.
Get the jump rope, Penny.
Mom, not the jump rope!
Don't you touch my canned tuna.
You wait till your father
gets out of prison.
You'll see more than a jump rope, missy!
A massive manhunt is
underway for Miss Turnblad...
who bludgeoned sergeant and
decorated Korean war veteran...
Mike Morris with a crowbar,
shattering his jaw...
That is a lie.
They're talkin' about our baby, Wilbur.
They're tellin' lies.
Sergeant Morris is in critical condition.
This is such a Midol moment.
Wilbur, that-Oh! Maybe that's her.
Oh, that's her.
Is that you, Tracy?
Oh, Link. I thought you'd be Tracy.
Uh, no. L-I was just at home, uh...
practicing my new twist on the twist...
and I overheard it on the news.
I can't believe Tracy savagely bludgeoned
an Eagle Scout.
That's just not like her.
Well, it's not true, I was there.
He didn't even bleed.
I shoulda been there...
beside her.
I can't sleep, I can't eat.
You can't eat?
Well, come on in and worry with us.
I'll make you some pork.
Penny Lou Pingleton, you are absolutely...
positively, permanently punished.
You will live on a diet
of saltines and Tang...
and you will never leave
this room again.
Devil child! Devil child!
Seaweed. Shh, don't let her hear you.
Penny, what happened to you?
She's punishing me
for harboring a fugitive...
without her permission.
What are you doing?
I'm here to rescue the fair maiden, baby.
Oh, Seaweed, you do care.
I was afraid the colors of
our skin would keep us apart.
No. These knots might.
W- Was your mom in the navy?
Once I was a selfish fool
who never understood
Never looked inside myself
Though on the outside, I looked good
Then we met and you made me
the man I am today
Tracy, I'm in love with you,
no matter what you weigh
'Cause without love
Life is like the seasons
with no summer
Without love
Life is rock 'n' roll without a drummer
Tracy, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love
Tracy, never set me free
No, I ain't lyin'
Never set me free
Tracy, no, no, no
Livin' in the ghetto,
black is everywhere ya go
Who'd've thought I'd love a girl
Whose skin was white
as winter snow?
In my ivory tower
Life was just a hostess snack
But now I've tasted chocolate
And I'm never going back
'Cause without love
Life is like a beat
that you can't follow
Without love
Life is Doris Day at the Apollo
Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love
So, darling, never set me free, no
I'm yours forever,
never set me free
No, no, no
If I'm left without my baby doll
I don't know what I'll do
Link, I've got to break out
So that I can get my hands on you
Girl, if I can't touch you,
then I'm gonna lose control
Seaweed, you're
my black white knight
I've found my blue-eyed soul
Sweet freedom is our goal
Trace, I wanna kiss ya!
Let me out at the next toll!
Without love
Life is like a prom that won't invite us
Without love
It's like getting my big break
and laryngitis
Without love
Life's a 45 when you can't buy it
Without love
Life is like my mother on a diet
Like a week that's only Mondays
Only ice cream, never sundaes
Like a circle with no center
Like a door marked "do not enter"
Darling, I'll be yours forever
'Cause I never wanna be
Without love
Yes, now you've captured me
Without love
I surrender happily
Without love
Oh, Seaweed, never set me free
No, no, no
I ain't lyin'
Never set me free
No, no, no
No, I don't wanna live without
Love, love, love
Pretty Penny little
Darling, you had best believe me
Never leave me without love
Link.
Your pork is ready.
Uh, Mama, I-
You tryin' to hide her here?
Uh.
Why you ain't think-a that before?
Everything she done for us.
Where your manners at, boy?
Ow! Well, I don't know.
And what about this one?
Seaweed's got a girlfriend.
Inez, shut up.
- You.
- Oh.
So this is love.
Well, love is a gift.
Lotta people don't remember that.
So you two better brace yourselves...
for a whole lotta ugly comin' at you...
from a never-ending parade of stupid.
So you met my mom?
Hello?
- Mom?
- Tracy, are you OK?
- Yes, I'm safe.
- Oh, my God.
- Mom, listen.
- Where are you?
- I need your help.
- What?
Tomorrow's the Miss
Teenage Hairspray pageant.
Tracy, you-
I need you to come down to the station.
Well-well, Tracy-
- Dress nice.
- What?
Penny will meet you out front.
Now let me talk to Dad.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Turn your face this way.
The other way. Go.
Everybody,
please take your seats.
The Miss Teenage Hairspray
pageant is about to begin.
Oh, you've come on a very exciting day.
It's our first live show.
Oh! Bye Bye, Birdie.
Oh, my Amber is perfect for that.
She's the pretty little blonde. Ha ha!
And we're live in 5, 4, 3...
And now, broadcast live
in front of a live studio audience...
for the first time from the certified...
up-to-code WYZT studio...
it's the Corny Collins Miss Hairspray
spectacular.
- He's Corny.
- He's Corny.
Brought to you by Ultra Clutch hairspray.
What gives a girl power and punch
Is it charm, is it poise
No, it's hairspray
What gets a gal asked out to lunch
Is it brains, is it dough
No, it's hairspray
If you take a ride with
no can at your side...
"and preserve our family
through our father. " Hmm.
"Let us make our father drink
wine, and let us lie with him. "
You can take off in a rocket
And in outer space each
hair will be in place...
Link, the agents are here. Look.
Why take a chance when
you get up and dance?
If you twist, I insist
You use hairspray
and tell your mother...
Maybe they'll sign us together.
Her head she should smother
With Ultra Clutch faithfully
Well?
There's no sign of her.
We're on every door. She's not inside.
Doesn't mean she won't try.
velma, I seriously doubt
this girl's gonna risk...
incarceration to win a pageant.
That's me!
I risked communicable diseases.
She'll certainly risk jail.
Better than hairspray
That's me
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh,
ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh
Ahh, ahh, ahh, ahh
What makes a man
reach out and touch?
Ultra Clutch
So if you're a redhead,
a blonde, or brunette
Whoo!
Just take my advice
and you might just get
The only thing better
than hairspray
That's me
Ah!
He's Corny Collins
The only thing better
than hairspray
- Hairspray
- Wow!
That's me
Hey, baby, you look like
you could use a stiff one.
Whoo-ooo
And we are out.
Link, you sprayed it right in my face!
What'd I tell you about that?
Stop! You guys.
Uh, powder.
And we're back.
5, 4.
Here?
3.
And now for the talent
portion of our competition...
our Councilettes...
in their Miss Teenage Hairspray
official dance-off.
Uh!
First off, we have the sunny
pride of Highlandtown, Darla.
Hello, Darla.
Miss Teenage Hairspray.
Your vote is for?
This little girl could power...
all of greater downtown Baltimore...
with her energy-Lou Ann.
Who are you voting for?
Lou Ann?
very good, thank you.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the almost too happy Tammy.
And thank you, Tammy.
Confirmed sighting.
What?
You three: Outside, now.
We can't go out th-
No, no. No buts. Out, out!
Out! Out, out, out, out!
Whatever you say, Mrs. von Tussle.
Whoo!
Aw, she's too cute, isn't she?
Hold it right there, Tracy.
Looking for someone?
All right, ladies and gentlemen.
- Ha.
- A what?
It was a diversion.
Oh, please, these people are
not capable of a diversion.
It's beyond their mental capacity.
I wouldn't be so sure, velma.
Oh, my God.
What if she's already in the building?
What if she's been here for hours...
and you've locked yourselves out?
What?
- Check the doors!
- Let's go!
It's locked!
They're all locked!
And now a fast girl
who loves to slow dance...
our own smooth-as-silk Shelley.
Ohh!
Keep goin'. Keep goin'. That's it.
Come on.
Put your backs into it, men.
Put your backs into it this time.
Come on, one more time.
One more time.
Come on, come on, come on.
Here's our little dynamic
duo from Conkling Street.
Double your fun
with Noreen and Doreen.
What is with you people?
I mean, how hard is it
to beat down a door?
That hairspray battering ram was heavy.
Heavy?
How could they be heavy, they're...
hollow.
Move it.
Let's get 'em. Let's go.
And, of course...
our three-time
Miss Hairspray champion...
the ever-charming, Amber.
Oh, my God.
You carried her in!
Go!
Ow!
It's locked.
Open it!
Let's give
a final round of applause...
to our Miss Teenage
Hairspray contestants.
Hey.
All right, all right.
We are so close to announcing...
the new Miss Teenage Hairspray.
Look at that board.
What a nail-biter this one is turning into.
Ladies and gentlemen, the final tally.
It is my...
obligation...
to announce that Amber von Tussle...
Is about to get out-danced.
Tracy Turnblad!
What!?
You can't stop an avalanche
As it races down the hill
You can try to stop the seasons, girl
But 'cha know you never will
And you can try
to stop my dancin' feet
But I just cannot stand still
'Cause the world keeps
spinnin' round and round
And my heart's keepin' time
to the speed of sound
I was lost till I heard the drums
- Then I found my way
- No.
- 'Cause you can't stop the beat
- Link!
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it
This throne is mine!
The best that I can today
'Cause you can't stop
Aah! Let me down!
The motion of the ocean
or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
but I never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye
And say
That you can't stop the beat
They love you, Link.
Yeah?
Not for long.
Inez, come on!
Let's dance.
Little Miss Inez Stubbs!
Ladies and gentlemen.
Look at my baby go.
- Inez.
- Inez?
- Mm.
- Come on.
Oh! There you go!
Give her a hand, folks!
Little Miss Inez Stubbs!
Ladies and gentlemen.
You can't stop a river
as it rushes to the sea
You can try to stop
the hands of time
But 'cha know it just can't be
And if they try to stop us, Seaweed
We'll call the N-double-A-C-P
'Cause the world keeps
spinnin' round and round
And my heart's keepin' time
to the speed of sound
I was lost till I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman liked to shake it
On a Saturday night
And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it
- With all of my might
- Mother!
Today
'Cause you can't stop
the motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop the paradise
Hello?! Hello?!
We're dreamin' of
but you cannot stop
The rhythm of two hearts in love
To stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat
Aah! Aah!
Ahh!
Amen.
I am now a checkerboard chick.
Penny!
No!
Aah!
Mommy.
Ow.
Live television: There's nothin' like it.
Penny!
And now, it's the moment
you've all been craving for.
We have to wait till
they go to commercial.
As you know, we've kept the lines open up
to the last minute.
And those lines have been
burnin' up our switchboard.
Never in the history of this pageant...
has there been such a surge of late voting.
Baltimore, you've picked a winner.
And the new Miss Hairspray is...
- Inez Stubbs!
- What?!
Inez, you done it! You did it!
How about that?
Yes!
Come on over here, Little Inez.
Go, babe!
Oh! Inez!
Oh, my God!
Ohh!
That's my baby!
That's my baby girl!
But... She's...
she's not even a candidate.
She just got a tidal wave
of calls, velma.
But this is invalid.
This is impossible.
Well, anyone who dances
for it is eligible.
Rule 30, paragraph 5, asterisk,
down at the bottom. OK.
Well, this also makes you the lead dancer
on The Corny Collins Show.
Ladies and gentlemen,
The Corny Collins Show...
is now and forever officially integrated!
Oh, oh! Oh!
All right. Yeah.
Interracial dancing has broken out
at the WYZT stage.
Just look at the crowd's reaction.
Back to you, Steve.
I was lost till I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat
Amber, stop it!
I lost, Mom.
Let's just deal with it.
No, you did not lose.
You cannot have lost...
because I switched the damn tallies.
Smile, Miss Crabmeat.
You're on Candid Camera.
That was a good shot, don't you think?
Not bad.
Ha ha ha! What are you doing?
Get that away from me!
Go to commercial!
Go!
velma!
Pack your desk.
You've tainted the name of Ultra Clutch.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
How can you taint a cancerous
can-a chemicals?
You're fired!
I ca-I can't be fired.
Oh, yeah?
Last chance
to join the dance, folks.
Everyone is welcome!
Wilbur.
Do it now, or forever wish you had.
Really?
Show 'em, baby.
Nobody can dance like you.
You can't stop my happiness
'Cause I like the way I am
And ya just can't stop
my knife and fork
When I see a Christmas ham
So if you don't like the way I look
Well, I just don't give a damn
'Cause the world keeps spinnin'
round and round
And my heart's keepin' time
to the speed of sound
I was lost till I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat
Ever since this old world began
A woman found out if she shook it
She could shake up a man
And so I'm gonna shake and shimmy it
The best that I can today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
or the sun in the sky
You can wonder if you wanna
but I'll never ask why
And if you try to hold me down
I'm gonna spit in your eye
And say
That you can't stop the beat
Whoa!
Oh! I love you!
You did great!
Corny, do something.
The show is turning to gumbo.
Not a chance, velma.
This is the future.
Maybelle, let's go.
This is your time.
Yeah.
All right, Miss buttercup.
It's time to wrap this mutha up.
Oh, oh, oh
- You can't stop today
- No!
As it comes speedin' down the tracks
Ooh, child, yes
Child, yesterday is history
Be gone!
And it's never comin' back
Look ahead!
'Cause tomorrow is a brand-new day
And it don't know white from black
Yeah!
'Cause the world keeps
spinnin' round and round
And my heart's keepin'
time to the speed of sound
I was lost till I heard the drums
Then I found my way
'Cause you can't stop the beat
Ever since we first saw the light
A man and woman
liked to shake it
On a Saturday night
And so I'm gonna
shake and shimmy it
With all of my might
Today
'Cause you can't stop
the motion of the ocean
Or the rain from above
They can try to stop the paradise
We're dreamin' of
But you cannot stop
The rhythm of two hearts in love
To stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Ever since we first saw the sun
A man and woman liked to shake it
when the day is done
And so we're gonna shake
and shimmy it
And have some fun today
'Cause you can't stop
The motion of the ocean
or the rain from above
They can try to stop the
paradise we're dreamin' of
But you'll never stop the rhythm
Of two hearts in love to stay
'Cause you can't stop the beat
You can't stop the beat
Ooh, ooh
Hey, old friend, let's look back
On the crazy clothes we wore
Ain't it fun to look back
To see it's all been done before
All those nights together
Are a special memory
And I can't wait for tomorrow
Just as long as you're
dancin' next to me
'Cause it's so clear, every year
We get stronger
Stronger
'Cause what's gone is gone,
the past is the past
Turn the radio up
And then hit the gas
'Cause I know we've come so far
But we've got so far to go
I know the road seems long
But it won't be long
till it's time to go
So, most days, we'll take it fast
And some nights, we'll take it slow
I know we've come so far
But, baby, baby,
we've got so far to go
Oh, yeah
Baby
Hey, old friend, together
Side by side and year by year
The road was filled
with twists and turns
Oh, but that's the road
that got us here
Let's move past the bad times
But before those memories fade
Let's forgive but not forget
And learn from all
the mistakes we made
'Cause it's so clear, every year
We get stronger
Stronger
So don't give up and don't say when
And just get back
on the road again
'Cause I know we've come so far
But we've got so far to go
I know the road seems long
But it won't be long
till it's time to go
So, most days, we'll take it fast
And some nights, we'll take it slow
I know we've come so far
But, baby, baby,
we've got so far to go
Oh, yeah
Baby
Uh, uh, uh, uh
Hey, old friend, come
along for the ride
There's plenty of room so jump inside
The highway's bumpy
every now and then
But it's so much better
than where I've been
Just keep moving at your own speed
Your heart is all the compass
you'll ever need
Let's keep cruisin' the road we're on
'Cause the rearview mirror
only shows what's
Gone, gone, gone
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Got so far to go
Ohh
Yeah
Ohh
'Cause it's so clear, every year
We get stronger
Stronger
So shine that light
Take my hand
And let's dance
into the promised land
'Cause I know we've come so far
But we've got so far to go
I know the road seems long
But it won't be long
till it's time to go
So, most days, we'll take it fast
But some nights, we'll take it slow
I know we've come so far
But, baby, baby,
we've got so far to go
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Yeah, yeah
Welcome to the sixties
Stop!
Stop telling me what to do
Don't!
Don't treat me like a child of two
No!
I know that you want what's best
Please!
But, Mother, please
Give it a rest!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Mama, I'm a big girl now
Once upon a time
when I was just a kid
You never let me do
just what the older kids did
But lose that laundry list
of what you won't allow
'Cause, Mama,
I'm a big girl now
Once upon a time
I played with childhood toys
But now I'd rather play around
with older boys
So, if I get a hickey,
please don't have a cow
'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now
Ma, I gotta tell you
that without a doubt
I get my best dancing lessons
from you
You're the one who taught me
how to twist and shout
Because you shout non-stop
and you're so twisted, too!
Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh
Once I used to fidget
'cause I just sat home
But now I'm just like Gidget
and I gotta get to Rome!
So say, arrivederci!
Toodle-loo!
And ciao!
'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now
Ohh, stop! Don't! No! Please!
Stop! Don't! No! Please!
Mama, I'm a big girl now
Hey, Mama, say, Mama
Once upon a time
I was a shy young thing
Could barely walk and talk
so much as dance and sing
But let me hit that stage,
I wanna take my bow
'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now
Wo-oh-oh-oh-oh
Once upon a time
I used to dress up Ken
But now that I'm a woman,
I like bigger men
And I don't need a Barbie doll
to show me how
'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now
Ooh, ooh, ah
Ma, you always taught me
what was right from wrong
And now I just wanna give it a try
Mama, I've been in the nest
for far too long
So please give a push
and, Mama, watch me fly
Watch me fly
Show off.
Someday I will meet
a man you won't condemn
And we will have some kids
and you can torture them
But let me be a star
before I take that vow
'Cause, Mama, I'm a big girl now
Whoa-oh-oh
Mama, I'm a big girl now
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Mama, I'm a big girl
Ooh, such a big, big girl!
I'm a big girl now
Whoa-oh-oh, whoaaaa!
Please, Mama, I'm a big girl now
They came from way
far out in outer space
She's hard to miss
and so they landed on her face
She's got cooties!
They've found a place to nest
She's got cooties
Cooties
If I were her, I'd be depressed
Long tailed, sharp nailed
Fuzzy legs, laying eggs
Oh, no, ew!
In science class she's like
a walking show-and-tell
Her pet skunk ran away
'cause it couldn't take the smell
She's got cooties
Nobody wants to sit by her
No, don't need a coat
'cause she's got fur!
Circle, circle, dot, dot, dot
Glad I got my cootie shot!
Come on, boys,
let's stamp 'em out!
Uh-uh-uh-uh,
uh-uh-uh-uh
Cootie, cootie
Come on, boys
Cootie, cootie
Uh-uh-uh-uh,
uh-uh-uh-uh
Cootie, cootie
Come on, boys
Whoa, no, no, no
She's got cooties
She's just as friendly as can be
She's got cooties
She shows them cootie hospitality
She's got cooties
She's like a living Twilight Zone
She's got cooties
Can you get Rod Serling on the phone?
Black, white, red, green
Every color in between
Dresses like a circus clown
Somebody oughta hose her down
Grew up in a cootie zoo
I bet her two-ton
Mama's got 'em, too!
She-she-she's coming!
She's got cooties
Somebody oughta hose her down
She's got cooties
Oh, yeah
She's got cooties
Somebody oughta hose her down
She's got cooties
Yeah, yeah
She's got cooties
She's just as friendly as can be
She's got cooties
She shows them cootie hospitality
She's got cooties
This girly surely catch your eye
She's got cooties
She surely likes to
let her freak flag fly
Come on, boys
Let's jam
Let's hear it for Mama
Come on, boys, let's jam
Let's hear it for Mama
Come on, boys, let's jam
Let's hear it for Mama
Come on, boys, let's jam
Let's hear it for Mama
Black, white, red, green
Every color in between
Dresses like a circus clown
Somebody oughta hose her down
Grew up in a cootie zoo
I bet her two-ton Mama's got 'em, too!