Voila! Finally, the House Of Games
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the David Mamet movie
starring Joe Mantegna and Lindsay Crouse and Ricky Jay. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of House Of Games. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Are you Doctor Margaret Ford?
Yes.
Could I ask you, would you sign my book?
Yes, of course.
I recognised you from your picture.
- I hope I'm not inconveniencing you.
- Not at all.
It's for a friend.
It's the second one I bought.
Then I'm doubly pleased.
Thank you for buying it.
You've helped me very much.
I'm very glad I have.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
(woman) And I saw the face of an animal.
And I said that we all try
to run from experience -
from experience, do you understand me? -
but that it will seek us out.
You think that you're exempt?
I'm talking to you.
Do you think that you're exempt?
Do I think that I'm exempt?
That I'm exempt from what?
- Experience.
- No, I don't think that I'm exempt.
Well, you'd better be assured you're not.
- What is the animal?
- The animal?
You said in your dream,
you saw the face of an animal.
- I don't know how to say it. It was...
- Yes?
It was a... I...
I want to say...
I don't know how to say it.
- I'm so sorry I'm late.
- That's OK.
You've eaten. Good.
- How are you today, Maggie?
- I'm fine.
Listen to this.
In her dream, she saw a foreign animal.
"What is the animal?"
She cannot think of the name.
The animal is saying
"I am only trying to do good."
I say "What name comes up
when you think of this animal?"
- She says...
- Yes?
"It is a lurg. It is called a lurg."
If we invert "lurg", a "lurg" is a "girl".
So she is the animal and she is saying
"I'm just trying to do good."
And now someone has hurt her.
Good, Maggie.
Good for you. Good work.
- And now, what are you going to eat?
- I don't have time.
It's so beautiful.
It's old and it's heavy.
It looks like someone gave it to you.
- I think the only pressures in my life...
- The only what?
- I'm sorry?
- You said "the only pressures".
- Pleasures. I said "pleasures".
- No. What you said was "pressures".
This is what I'm telling you.
Many things that should
be pleasures are not.
Your book is a best seller,
your income jumps up.
People think of you differently perhaps.
This is confusing.
Listen to me. Slow down.
Try to enjoy your success.
Give yourself all the rewards
you would like to have.
You see a beautiful gold lighter.
Buy one for yourself.
Your friend asks you to lunch.
Go and eat lunch with her.
- Do you forgive me?
- No.
(tuts)
Bye.
Go work.
- (man) A sort of a...
- (Margaret) A what?(man) I don't know.
A feeling of nothingness.
- What does that make you think of?
- Leave me alone, for Christ's sake.
What does it matter? It's in my head
or not, it doesn't make a difference.
- Billy...
- What? I'm entitled to my feelings?
What the hell does it matter?
It matters if you're going to cure yourself.
If I'm going to cure myself?
- And what do I do now?
- What do you do now?
No, what do I do today?
What do I do tomorrow?
Today and tomorrow, you say this:
"I am a compulsive gambler.
The reasons for this are in the past."
Oh, man. I don't know.
What am I doing here?
You're here to take control of your life.
You wanna know something?
What the hell do you care?
You're rich. You're comfortable.
You got your goddamn book you wrote.
All the time you wanna help me,
you don't do dick, man.
You and your goddamn book, it's talk.
It's just talk.
The whole thing is a con game.
You do nothing.
This doesn't help me.(continues writing)You want to help me?
You want to help me?
Help me with this.
Help me with this if you can.
Because if not, I gotta use it.
- To use it for what?
- Aren't you gonna ask me, is it loaded?
- To use it for what?
- To use it to kill myself, or...
- Why would you wanna kill yourself?
- What do you think this is? Some dream?
Man, you're living in the dream.
Your questions!
- Cos there is a real world.
- What happened to you in that world?
- What happened to you?
- What difference does it make?
You say you want to help. You can't cos,
babe, you don't know what trouble is.
Give me the gun... and I will help you.
Billy.
Billy. I swear to you.
You give me the gun,
and I will help you.
I just lost $ that I do not have.
And if I do not pay it by tomorrow,
they are going to kill me.
Now, what kind of help
is your damn promise now?
- Can I help you?
- Yeah. I need a match.
- You want a partner to play something?
- I'm looking for Mike.
- Who's Mike?
- Would you get him for me?
- I don't think Mike is here.
- Why don't you go take a look?
(man) What the fuck is it?
I'm looking for Mike.
Mike isn't here. What do you want?
- A friend of mine...
- Cut to the chase. I'm very busy.
- Why do you want Mike?
- I'm telling you and you're Mike.
- You threatened to kill a friend of mine...
- Is that what I did?
That's exactly what you did, Mike.
That behaviour doesn't go.
Whether you mean it or not,
and it's irrelevant to me,
cos you aren't going to do it.
This is a sick kid.
He's a compulsive gambler...
Wait. What is this?
What are you gonna do to me?
If I'm this bad dude, why don't I take out
some gun and blow you to bits?
I'll tell you why.
I think you're just a bully.
"Just a bully"?
What? You're not gonna
let me carry your books?
- Aren't you a caution?
- Let's talk turkey, pal.
One, you threatened to kill my friend.
You aren't going to do that.
Cos if you do, you're going away for life.
Two is the money. He hasn't got it.
- Who is this friend?
- Billy Hahn.
- Billy Hahn. He lost how much to me?
- Come on. $ .
$ Billy Hahn has lost to me.
Excuse me one moment, will you?
You say Billy Hahn lost large to me?
I'm showing you this cos I like you, OK?
Cos you got blonde hair.
You're looking at Billy Hahn's IOU. OK?
Billy Hahn owes me bucks.
- (man) In or out?
- Deal past me.
OK?
How did you size me up so quick
that I'm not some hard guy
who's gonna rough you up?
- I don't know. In my work...
- What work is that?
It's none of your business.
- (man) In or out?
- Out.
Oh, it's none of my business?
OK. Then I stand corrected.
Here's the thing.
- I want something from you.
- What do you want?
- I want you to do me a favour.
- Why should I do you a favour?
If you do, I'll forget the
your friend owes me.
- What do you want?
- Let's talk for a minute.
What is it?
- Do you know what a "tell" is?
- A "tell"?
Here. Do this.
You have to choose a hand.
You do it to me. Do it.
Bingo. Do it again.
OK. Now, I can do that all day.
How? You got a "tell". You're telling
me the hand that has the coin.
- I am? How?
- It's not important.
OK, it's your nose. You point your nose
slightly at the hand that has the coin. OK?
That's a tell.
Now, look back over my shoulder.
The guy in a beard and a cowboy shirt.
- You see him?
- Yes.
He's from Las Vegas. He's been
beating me all night. He's got a tell.
When he's bluffing,
he plays with his little gold ring.
I caught him doing it. He knows I did,
so he stopped. He's conscious of himself.
- I want you to do me this favour.
- What's that?
Be my girlfriend for a while.
Come in the game, watch me play.
We get in a big hand. I go to go pee,
you watch this guy and tell me,
does he play with his gold ring?
Then I know he's bluffing, I win the big
hand and forget the your friend owes.
If you're a good gambler,
how did you fall into this?
- I'm not a gambler.
- You're not a gambler?
- No.
- What are you, then?
I made you a deal. I'll tear up
your friend's marker if you help me out.
Will you do that?
All right.
(man # ) Two.(man # ) Three.- (man # ) One card.
- (man # ) The man takes one.(man # ) Dealer takes three.(man # ) I bet a hundred.(Mike) Call.(man # ) Call.(man # ) Up .(man # ) Here we go.(man # ) Your three, and five more.- (man # ) Call.
- (man # ) Pass.
The guy's got a full house, you got two
pair, you're in an indefensible position.
It's good that I can joke about it, isn't it?
I'm out. You drove me out.
A man with style
is a man who can smile.
How are you?
Are you having a good time?
- Never better.
- Glad to hear it.
- (man # ) Out.
- (man # ) I'm out.(man # ) Damn cards are cold as ice.- Full house.
- (man # ) New hand.
- Did you win again?
- That's right.
You wanna win the hand,
you gotta stay in till the end.
Thank you.
- You're gonna help me out here?
- Yes.
Keep looking for the tell.
If he plays with his ring,
I'm gonna gut that son of a bitch.
- (man # ) Can we deal?
- (man # ) Deal, say the losers.(man # ) The man says
you gotta give action to get action.(man # ) I've heard that too.(man # ) I bet the flush, the flush don't
come. I slow-play chips, nobody calls.
- A new hand and a winner.
- Budge over, will you?
Everybody stays, everybody pays.
Here they come.
(Mike) I bet the fifty.(man # ) I call.
And back.
Fold.
and more.
I call.
I call it.
Cards to the players. Three good players.
Mike?
One card.
Al?
(Al) One moment.
I'll take three.
(man # ) One card.
I pass.
What's the pot? ... dollars.
That's my bet.
- I call it.
- You call?
You only call?
Well, let's go visit Mr More.
Your .
And I raise bucks.
I can't stand it.
South. I'm going south.
South Street Seaport, the man says.
He can't stand the heat. He can't stand it.
You wanna play cards?
The bet is two and a half thou.
The bet? I'll tell you what the bet is.
Your .
And I raise you $ .
You son of a bitch. You've been
steamrollin' over me all night.
One card, and you caught a flush?
A boat? What?
I think you're bluffin'.
I think you're tryin' to buy it.
You're gonna have to give me
some respect or give me some money.
- The bet is $ .
- I know what the goddamn bet is.
I'm going to pee.
Watch my cards.
- I thought you were gonna bring me luck.
- (man # ) Make your own luck.(man # ) Takin' change.
I think I might
have to go to the well again.
Yes, yes, yes.
Some people say one thing,
some people say something else.
The man can't play,
he should stay away.
(man # ) His money
is as good as yours is.
His money is.
Now we're gonna see about his cards.
That's right, Miss, isn't it?
Now we're gonna see his hand.
How are you doing, Miss?
Are you bringing him good fortune?
Excuse me?
Who do you like in this hand? Him or me?
- Leave the woman alone.
- Just making conversation.
Who do you like in this showdown?
Your friend or me?
Well, I've seen his hand,
but I haven't seen yours.
That's right.
That's absolutely right.
OK, let's play some cards.
Now, the bet is what?
You're raised $ Mike.
Mike, how you feeling?
You ready to take this guy's money?
- He's bluffing.
- You saw him?
He did what you said.
He played with his ring.
He did? Well, he'd better be,
- cos I don't have the six, and if I lose...
- You aren't going to.
- Are you sure you saw him?
- He played with his ring. Call the bet.
The bet is six thousand dollars.
Six thousand dollars.
- I think you're bluffing.
- I didn't ask what you think.
Raise, call or fold.
I should raise your ass,
but I'm just gonna call.
My marker's good for a moment?
- Marker? Where are you from?
- Where am I from?
The United States of Kiss My Ass.
My marker's good.
Fuck you. Get the goddamn money up
or fold the goddamn hand.
This man is a man of his word.
He's a regular player...
Where I come from, if you can't
call the bet, you're out of the hand.
Call the bet.
I'll call the bet. I'll back it up.
- With what?
- I said, I'll back it up.
If he loses, I'll write you a cheque.
- Who is this broad?
- She's a friend of Mike's. She's all right.
Your bet is called.
Trip aces. Beat 'em, my friend.
Club flush.
You owe me six thousand dollars,
thank you very much.
Next case.
Tough beat, Mike.
(Al) It happens to the best,
it happens to the rest.
I'm going home.
I'm out too.
Gentlemen.
Good night.
Huh.
I thought you had him, Mike.
- He, uh...
- Yes?
- He didn't do the thing with his ring.
- No, he did it.
He did? What the fuck
is he doing with a flush?
What the fuck are you doing with a flush?
Does that beat trips
where you come from?
Give me the goddamn money.
- We lost.
- I have gathered that.
If you think I'm leaving without
that cheque, you're out of your mind.
- Look...
- I'll look later. Gimme the money.
OK, OK, OK. Give me a moment, will ya?
- I won that money from you, baby.
- I'll give it to you when I get to it!
- Now don't get pushy.
- Pushy, Jim? Pushy?
You don't know what pushy is.
Now give me my six thousand dollars.
They put me in, um...
an embarrassing position,
but I'm gonna have to ask you
for that money.
- That's right.
- I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Please, let's just
complete this transaction and...
I think that that's probably wise.
This cheque had better be like gold,
or I'm coming back here
because I won this money.
OK. OK. OK.
Are you all right?
Cool it, man. Just cool it, please.
You're gonna get your money.
You know what?
I don't think I'm going to pay you.
Don't get the guy mad.
For heaven's sake, don't get him mad.
- Pay the man.
- You crazy bitch. Pay me what you owe.
No, I don't think I will.
And you know why?
Cos you can't threaten someone
with a squirt gun.
You slut, I can threaten you
with anything I goddamn want.
- George...
- Shut up.
- George.
- What?
- It's olley olley in free.
- No, I'm doing fine.
- No, George, you blew the gaff.
- I have?
Yes.
- Told you a squirt gun wouldn't work.
- It would have. You didn't have to fill it.
I'm gonna threaten someone
with an empty gun?
No, George, you're right. Of course.
You guys are fantastic.
Do you do this for a living?
Ask her. Is she mad?
You're not miffed at us, are you?
I mean, nothing personal.
You were gonna con me out of my money.
- It was only business.
- Only business.
- It was only business, huh?
- It's the American way.
I don't know about you folks,
but I'm starved.
Anybody care for a snack?
Told you the damn squirt gun
wouldn't work.
Aces and jacks, man with the axe.
Suicide kings.
Well, there you have it.
A sucker born every minute, huh?
And two to take 'em. Play past it.
Here.
Here's s souvenir of
your escape from the con men.
You run a candy store.
This is the candy store.
Now, I come into your candy store,
and I give you $ in singles and I say
"Could you please give me a $ bill?"
"I have to send a registered letter
to my mother."
"To your aunt." It's more pathetic.
- "To my aunt."
- It's addressed and there's a stamp on it.
You give me a $ bill. Give me the .
I seal it, and you watch me seal it
in the envelope.
Now, I gave you what appeared
to be $ in singles
but, when you count it, there's only .
- And you say "I've only got ."
- I've only got .
"Here, let me count it."
And there are only .
"God, I'm sorry. Let me get
another dollar from my wife in the car."
"Here, hold this a minute."
And I give you the envelope
with the $ in it,
and I take the $ and I go home.
"Goodbye."
And that's a little larceny called "the flue".
- I don't get it.
- You don't get it?
- You gave me the . I gave you the .
- Yes.
- I just won a dollar.
- Open the envelope.
- That's right.
- (laughs)
- But I saw you put the $ bill in there.
- No. That's what you thought you saw.
- How did you steal the bill?
- Secrets of the pyramids.
It's OK, Joe. Show her.
I think we owe her one.
All right. The flue revealed.
Let's do it again.
I come into your store
and I hand you $ in singles and I say
"Could you please give me a $ bill?"
"I have to send
a registered letter to my aunt."
You give me the bill, and I seal it.
And you watch me seal it in the envelope.
A little page in the history of the short con.
It's been very nice talking to you.
- Here's your cab.
- Thank you.
Good night.
May I talk to you for a moment?
Is my friend square with you
on the dollars?
- I thought you'd say that.
- We struck a bargain.
You said watch for the tell
and you'd cancel his debt.
Are you a man of your word?
- All right. He's square.
- May I have the IOU?
Hey, you're right.
What's right is right.
Thank you.
- What's your name, by the way?
- Thank you for a lovely evening.
You're a lovely woman.
Good night.
Come back anytime
you'd enjoy some more excitement.
Let's go.
He said "I can make any woman
a whore in minutes."
(Margaret) And what did you say to that?
I said he couldn't make anybody a whore
that was not a whore to start out with.
He said "I've been reading your mail,
and you are that whore."
Then... because
he didn't realise what he had done...
- And what had he done?
- I know there are people who are normal.
- Are there?
- Yes, there are.
- But...
- But what?
But I don't know what those people do.
It's all right, darling. It's all right.
(sobbing) No. It's not all right.
It never was all right. How can you
live when you've done something...?
Sssh.
Maria? I have to talk to you.
You excuse me.
Thank you.
Why do we listen to their troubles
when we can't help them?
Oh, you have been talking
to your murderess.
I know why she is in the hospital.
She's sick.
The question is, what am I doing in there?
It's a sham. It's a con game.
Nothing that I say will help her.
I can learn nothing from her
to help others avoid her mistakes.
That poor girl. All her life,
my father tells her she's a whore, so...
- Your father?
- I'm sorry?
You said your father
says that she's a whore.
- I said "my father"?
- Yes.
You remember
what your friend told you yesterday?
Don't work so hard.
Do something that gives you satisfaction,
something that you always enjoy.
What do you really enjoy?
- What do I enjoy?
- Yes.
- I enjoyed writing my book.
- Then write another book.
In the short term, come to my house
for dinner tonight. Will you do that?
I'm sorry. I can't come tonight.
Tonight, forgive me for asking,
you have something to do
that gives you enjoyment?
- Yes, I think so.
- That's good.
You need joy.
- You come to play pool?
- I'm looking for Mike.
Mike ain't here.
Try down at Charlie's.
Thank you.
Can I help you?
- Drinking?
- Scotch and water.
- Scotch and water.
- Thank you.
- You pay now.
- How much is it?
Like most things, it's negotiable.
Oldest trick in the book.
Never fails.
Not good for much,
but still of great historical interest.
- Hiya.
- Hi.
It's good to see you.
Did I tell you my name? My name is Mike.
- Glad to meet you.
- Well, I'm glad to meet you too.
- I have a proposition for you.
- And what's your name?
How would you feel if someone were
to do a study of the confidence game?
And to talk to you and learn your views
and watch how you operate?
- A study of?
- Yes.
- For what?
- For my own reasons.
- Are you a journalist?
- I'm a writer. A sort of writer.
A sort of writer
and that's why you came back?
- How would you feel about that?
- Why did you come back here?
I came back here to write.
I came back...
I would like to see how you operate.
Is that the idea? You want to see
how a true bad man plies his trade?
Yes.
All right.
- You'll call me when it comes in.
- Yes, sir.
Thank you.
The basic idea is this.
It's called a confidence game. Why?
Because you give me your confidence?
No. Because I give you mine.
How do you get money
when you have no money?
Watch closely.
This is called "short con".
Would you please check again, please?
Howard. Martin Howard.
- Money order for $ .
- Hasn't come in yet.
- As I told you...
- It was supposed to arrive this afternoon.
- The moment it arrives...
- All right, all right. Thank you.
I'm expecting some money.
Sergeant John Moran.
- One moment. Moran?
- Yes, sir.
- I'm sorry, it hasn't come in yet.
- They told me definitely by nine o'clock.
If you'll have a seat,
I'll let you know the moment it arrives.
Thank you.
Can you beat that?
Can you beat this?
I've been waiting here since... Honey?
- Since three o'clock this afternoon.
- No.
Three o'clock this afternoon.
I got my car stolen. My wallet.
The kid's in a hotel room,
hasn't eaten since noon.
- They told me I'd have my money by nine.
- I swear to God.
(John) I've gotta pick up a bus ticket.- (Mike) When's the bus leave?
- Six, but I gotta pick up the ticket.
- Where you going?
- Pendleton.
You're in the Corps?
I was in the Corps!
- When were you in?
- ' to ' .
Yeah, I was there.
- Marty Howard.
- John Moran.
John.
- OK, look. What do you need for the bus?
- .
When my money comes in,
I'll give you the .
- No, I couldn't take that.
- Are you gonna miss your formation?
I'll lend you the . When you get back
to the base, send it back.
- Um...
- No. You get on that bus.
- Thank you.
- Nothing to it. You'd do the same for me.
- If my money comes in first...
- No, we'll be all right. I couldn't do that.
(clerk) Moran!
Could I see some ID, please?
Thank you.
Now that man is going to
give his money to a total stranger.
Now, you've got to take some money
from me. I want you to take it.
- What do you need?
- No, we'll get by.
No, wait. You tell me.
What do you need? I've got it right here.
Save your money, Joe. Semper fi.
- What's more fun than human nature?
- You learn something new every day.
- Ain't it the truth? Are you impressed?
- So you can't cheat an honest man?
That's probably true. But what we've
just seen is a slightly different principle.
- Which is?
- Don't trust nobody.
Were you in the Marines?
Everybody gets something
out of every transaction.
I give that guy my confidence.
I ask him for help.
What he gets is he feels
like he's a good man.
Now, what do you get
out of this transaction?
- I told you.
- Did you?
Yes, I said that I wanted...
You want to know a tell?
I'll show you another one.
Give me your hand.
Think of a finger. Think of one.
- Are you thinking of one?
- Yes.
OK. I'm gonna tell you
which finger you're thinking of.
Do you think I can do that?
- This one.
- Yes. How did you know?
How did I know?
Because you were thinking of it.
- Do you wanna make love with me?
- Excuse me?
Because you're blushing.
That's a tell.
The things we think, the things we want.
We could do them or not do them
but we can't hide them.
What is it you think I want?
I'll tell you.
Somebody to come along.
Somebody to possess you.
To take you into a new thing.
Would you like that?
Do you want that?
Yes.
What is it?
Yes.
That's good.
Good evening. May I help you, sir?
- A room.
- Your name, please.
- Richard White.
- Mr White.
- Do you have a reservation?
- No, I don't.
I'm sorry, but the entire hotel
is booked up with the apparel show.
- Night.
- Good night, Mr Dean.
- You have nothing?
- No. I'm sorry. We don't.
Who's that man? Is that the manager?
No, sir. The manager's away
from the desk now, but I assure you...
That's all right. Thank you.
- If you could check back...
- It's perfectly all right.
What if the...?
(knocks at door)
What if the man comes back?
He had on a tuxedo. We would
believe he's going out for the evening.
- What if he does?
- I don't think so.
And if he does,
we'll deal with that thing then.
In or out?
We should be leaving.
You said he wasn't coming back.
Probably not.
But why should we wait for him?
Some people would say
that you're an interesting man.
I'm a con man.
That's what I am. I'm a criminal.
You don't have to delude yourself.
You can call things what they are.
You can call yourself what you are.
What am I?
Listen to me.
Cos there are a lot of things in the world.
There are many sides to each of us.
Good blood. Bad blood.
Somehow, all those parts have got to
speak. You know what I'm talking about.
The burden of responsibility has
become too great. It's true, isn't it?
- Yes, it is.
- Babe, I know that it is.
I read a book once which said this:
"If you're fired from your job, when
you're going home, take something."
"A pencil, something to assert yourself.
Take a memento."
Take something from life.
I think what draws you to me is this:
I'm not afraid to examine the rules
and to assert myself.
And I think you aren't either.
Do you really think so?
Yes. That's exactly what I think.
I'm gonna wash up.
Then let's get out of this guy's room.
(Mike) Let's get out of here!
- Taxi this evening, sir?
- No, thank you.
- I wanna see you again.
- Well, I hope so.
We'll do that. Soon.
- I have to go.
- Can I come? Where do you have to be?
I've actually got to be right here.
- Christ, what time is it?
- What is it?
Look. You remember Joey
from last night?
- Your friend.
- The guy in the bow tie.
Slowly look over my left shoulder
and tell me if you see him.
Yes, he's just crossing the street.
- Christ.
- What is it?
There's a bit
that I'm supposed to do here.
OK, I'm gonna call you soon.
- Let me do this with you.
- No! You're getting into the frame-up.
- Let me do this with you.
- No! This is not a game.
- We're about to sting this guy.
- I'll do it with you.
Let me do it with you.
Just tell me what to do.
Babe, you're mucking up my timing.
Come on.
You're my wife. You follow my cue.
Whatever I do, don't volunteer anything.
- Taxi!
- However strange it all seems, keep quiet.
The only one you know is me.
The airport. Hurry.
- (Joey) You going to the conference?
- Wouldn't miss it.(Joey) Wait for the light.
They'll ticket you for jaywalking.
- Fellow left his briefcase.
- Sorry?
Fellow left his briefcase.
He probably came from the hotel.
Let's take it back.
Holy Christ.
(businessman) Oh, my God.
I'd better get this... I suppose
I'd better get this back to the hotel.
Let's, uh...
Let's just talk about this for one moment.
I'm with you.
Look, look, look.
This has got to be stolen money.
I understand, but how do we know that?
Are you nuts?
There's $ in the goddamn bag.
Who's gonna be carrying that kind of
money in a bag in the middle of the night?
And there's no way
I'm giving that money to the police.
Why should we?
So some cops can split it?
- That's absolutely right.
- I'm not gonna do it.
All right. Let's just stop
pussyfooting around here.
This is the central proposition.
This money fell into our laps.
There is no way we're gonna give it back.
We all know what we're gonna do
so let's face the facts.
We know we're gonna split the money,
so let's just do it.
I, uh...
- I work in a bank.
- We don't wanna hear your problems.
Will you shut up for a second?
Listen to what I'm gonna tell you.
I work in a bank.
If this money's clean,
if it's not counterfeit, I say this:
I say we split it up.
We split it up down the middle and
we walk away and this never happened.
That's what I say.
That's what I've been saying
for the last three hours.
- I'll take the money to the bank and...
- Excuse me. Do you think we're insane?
Listen to what I'm gonna say! We keep
this money intact. We don't touch it.
I check it out. If it's hot,
we sit on it for six months, a year.
- And you keep the money?
- Listen to what I'm gonna tell you!
I can go to my bank tomorrow morning,
here, in town.
I can get ... $ clean money,
my money.
I'll give you a bank cheque. I keep
the briefcase. You keep my money.
- We keep your money?
- Yes.
Wait a second. Back up.
I'll go to my bank, all right?
I'll get $
and I'll get the thing checked out.
I'll give you my money and I'll take
the briefcase, you son of a bitch.
Who's he think he's dealing with,
for Christ's sake?
I'm gonna wash up.
I'm gonna change my shirt, then we'll go.
- Keep an eye on the...
- Go on. Don't worry.
- Are you awake?
- Yeah.
- How you doin'?
- Fine.
Got a little bit more
than you bargained for, huh?
- What's happened?
- Yeah.
I don't understand how this works.
OK, I'm gonna tell ya.
The mark gets dressed.
We take him to the bank.
Don't include the broad in it, Mike.
Are you nuts?
Leave it be.
She doesn't have to know how we do this.
- Be cool, Joey. It's going good.
- It's going how it's going.
- You were a fool to bring the broad.
- Be that as it may.
We make a deal with the mark. He gets
to ship the briefcase to himself in...
- Where's he from?
- Baltimore.
Now, why do we let him do that?
Because, before he does,
he goes to a bank here
and gives us $ as collateral
so that we trust him.
Just before we send him the briefcase,
we switch it on him
and we've got his $ .
If it's phoney money,
why do you have to switch it?
Who said it was phoney money?
It's real.
That's the beauty of the thing -
we're showing the guy real dollars.
We borrowed the money from the hard
guys for a night. Tonight, we give it back.
- How's he doing?
- Changing. We got a couple of minutes.
I hope you enjoyed yourself.
You have seen sights that few have seen.
You're a goddamn fool to bring her along.
It's over, Joe. It's all right.
You did real good.
OK. Time to go. Let's take it to the bank.
You'd better get your jacket.
Coming out in about five minutes.
We'll be coming out in five minutes.
As far as I can determine, none of them
are armed. We'll act as if they are.
(businessman) When you come in,
have the female officer go for the woman.
Get her down on the ground
and frisk her good.
I don't know who she is
and I don't trust her.
I'll take the young guy,
you take the old.
(man) I got it.
The signal is, I clear my throat.
(indistinct response on radio)- Say again?
- And that's at the bank?
Yes, at the bank.
- He's a cop.
- What?
- I heard him on the walkie-talkie.
- Oh, God. We gotta get her out of here.
You bloody better well believe it.
- Hold it. Briefcase.
- Got it.
What did we forget?
Good. Come on.
- Where are you going?
- My wife's gotta call...
- No. Hold on.
- We're gonna stay with you.
- Nobody goes anywhere.
- She's very ill.
- Police. Don't move.
- I told you. My wife is ill.
Move back. Get on the floor.
You're under arrest. It's all over for today.
- No.
- Move and I'll blow your head off.
I've gotta get out of here.
(gunshot)
How is he?
Yeah. He's dead.
- I can't be here.
- Why did you kill him? Are you nuts?
- We've got seconds to get out of here.
- The bitch panicked.
Shut up. Go check the door.
Come on.
- Stairs.
- Go.
They're out there.
(Joey sighs)
She's killed us.
The bitch has killed us dead.
Steal the car.
I can't do that.
Do you wanna spend
the rest of your life in jail,
or do you wanna get us out of here?
We need you to steal the car.
All my life, Mike. All my life
I ain't never had a moment's violence.
Never saw a moment's violence.
Wipe it down and let's get out of here.
I swear to God. You had to bring
your square-john broad into it.
You had to bring your trick into the game.
OK. It's something that happened.
It was an accident.
An accident? Goddamn you!
You broke the first rule.
I should have turned around
the moment you brought the broad.
I brought the broad? Who brought the
goddamn cop? Where did you get him?
At the apparel show.
He looked like a businessman.
- OK. Shut up.
- He...
I said shut up!
We're gonna get the car wiped down.
Then we'll be home clean.
None of this ever happened. Go home,
nobody knows your name and it's all over.
We give the Mob back their money...
Where's the briefcase?
You had it.
You had it at the garage.
You had the briefcase.
- I thought we put it in the car.
- Where is it, Joe?
It isn't there.
- What does this mean?
- Sorry, Mike.
- When we were in the garage...
- Shut up. Let me think for a second.
- What does it mean?
- I'm sorry, Mike. I was scared.
You were scared? You son of a bitch!
You've killed us.
What does it mean?
We've lost $
we borrowed from the Mob.
If we don't pay it back,
they turn us over for that cop we killed.
- I can give you the money.
- You got senile!
- I can give you the money.
- I need $ by tonight.
- I'll get it.
- You have that kind of money?
I can get it.
Then for God's sakes, get it.
Funny how things happen sometimes.
- I'm sorry, Mike.
- Get in.
- I'll tell 'em...
- They know what happened.
Start for the airport.
What happens now?
What's gonna happen is this:
Joey gives the money back to the Mob,
then he goes away.
I'm gonna go away. You're gonna
stay here, cos you have a life here.
Nobody knows who you are.
They can't trace you.
If you don't tell them,
then they don't know.
Listen to me. You're gonna get a strong
urge to confess to thievery, to murder.
You're gonna wanna confess.
Don't do it.
What happened was an accident.
You being there was an accident.
You did nothing wrong
so you go and forget it.
I...
I just wish...
Stop the cab.
Inversion, projection,
compression, elaboration...
Excuse me.
...projection, inversion,
compression and elaboration
are devices for transforming
in the joke.
(gunshot)(bell ringing)(bell ringing)(Maria) Maggie. Maggie!
What is it?
What is it, darling?
- Come inside.
- No.
- No, I...
- What?
- I have to... I have to talk to you.
- Anything. What is it?
You know the dream where you've
done something terrible... some... some...
and you're going to die
and you say "I wish this was a dream."
Maggie, darling.
Come inside, sit down and tell me.
No. Listen to me. If you reveal
yourself, you betray someone else...
When you have done
something unforgivable.
Yes.
When you have done
something unforgivable,
I will tell you exactly what to do.
You forgive yourself.
It isn't as if you've killed somebody.
Dr Littauer? Excuse me. I'm sorry...
Dr Ford. Do I have the wrong day?
I'm very sorry.
I'm quite ill. I have to cancel.
- Are you all right?
- Didn't I just tell you? What'd I just say?
No calls through
under any circumstances.
Call my appointments for today
and cancel them.
(glass smashes)(knock at door)(knocking continues)(man) Dr Ford?
Dr Ford?
Dr Ford, it's Billy Hahn.
What do you want?
I tried to call. I had to cancel
my appointment tomorrow.
They said you weren't taking any calls.
I have to go away for several days.
Yes, I think it's best
if we suspended treatment for a while.
I stopped by to tell you that I would
be gone and couldn't come tomorrow.
Yes. Thank you.
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
May I speak to Bill, please?
Right, I'll hold.
Bill? How's it going?
Real good.
What? (laughs) Yeah.
Well, that's really good news, man.
I'm always glad to hear that.
Excuse me.
I just won $ on a baseball game.
How about giving me a taste?
I would if you'd make a bet sometime.
You're so cheap.
Why do I always play the straight man?
- Think about it.
- Think about what?
- (Mike) Who filled the water pistol?
- (Joey) I did.(Mike) You're becoming Sarah Bernhardt.
It made a puddle big enough to swim in.
- That's the point.
- A taste for the theatrical.
You've no idea. He threw his arm
out batting that bitch around.
- He hit her?
- Oh, yeah.
- (laughs) Slam-bang.
- Look at this fucking bruise you gave me.(businessman)
You get what you pay for. It's realism.(laughter)
- So is she gonna stand up?
- Like you said, she's on tilt.
But I don't think
she's gonna beef to the cops.
Shall I send him back
to have him check on her again?
No, I think she'll stand up.
Pay the kid off.
- Keep him a little scared.
- Oh, yeah.
Mike, how did you know
she would go for it?
Go for it? Hey, the broad's an addict.
This is great. This is fantastic.
Listen to this.
- When we were dressing the room...
- My hotel room?
We're spreading personal junk
on the bureau.
We put some personal stuff
on the bureau.
- So it'll look like somebody's in the room.
- Get this. Listen to this.
I leave some stuff.
I leave or bucks on the desk.
- The broad steals my pocket knife.
- (Dean) No!(Mike) My hand to God!
She boosts my lucky pocketknife.- (Dean) Can you beat that?
- (Mike) The bitch is a born thief.
- So you had her made from the jump?
- I'm telling you. A ton of fucking bricks.
- Show me some real con men.
- (Joey) We showed her some.
We showed her some dinosaur con men,
some old-style.
Years from now, you'll have to go
to a museum to see a frame like this.
- Took her money and screwed her too.
- A small price to pay.
We took out for the hotel.
Two hotel rooms.
Speaking of which,
$ for your hotel room?
(Dean) Always show a little front.
You taught me that, Mike.- (Mike) You're such a flatterer.
- (Dean) Spend to make .- (businessman) Mike, you are King Kong.
- (Mike) One riot, one ranger.- (Dean) You put her in the panic bag.
- (Mike) This is my road game.- (businessman) What's next?
- (Mike) A vacation.
I'm going to Vegas tonight on
the ten o'clock. Wanna come?
- (Dean) Quitting winners this time.
- (Mike) Miss ya.
What did I say? The two hotel rooms.
$ . for two policemen's uniforms.
$ we gave the parking-Iot attendant.
$ to the kid.
Give me a running total.
Mike. Mike, what are you...?
Why are you here?
- We can't be here.
- What are you doing here?
Listen. They're following me.
They're following me.
They are? Wait a second.
- We can't be seen together.
- Don't leave me. I'm so glad you're here.
- You're in no danger.
- I told you, they're waiting for me.
There were policemen following me.
- I thought you'd gone.
- I couldn't get on the right flight.
Look. If they haven't followed you
here, then you have some time.
- But we have to split up.
- No, I can't. Don't leave me.
- It's a godsend that you're here.
- I'll tell you where I'll be. We'll meet there.
No, no, no. I'm so frightened.
And, Mike...
Mike.
I took all my money...
I took all my money out of the bank.
You'll help us disappear.
We'll disappear together.
Mike.
I've got a quarter of a million dollars.
We can live. We can...
I can't believe I'm seeing you.
Were you followed to the airport?
I don't know. I'm frightened all the time.
(Margaret) I saw them. I went to the bank.
But I threw them off
before I went to the airport.
(Mike) Good.
- I bought my ticket in another name.
- I think that's wise.
My real name is Margaret.
- Margaret. We'll get out of this, I promise.
- Yes.
I'll get us out of the country.
We need a plan.
(Mike) I've got you.
- It was fate I found you.
- Yes, it was.
- Because together...
- Yes, we can.
- When I saw that they came after me...
- It's all right. You're safe.
- No, I knew that I was being punished.
- It was an accident. No.
No, I knew that I was bad.
Do you know why?
Do you know when I knew?
Because I took your knife.
That's when I knew.
- What knife?
- Your knife from the hotel room.
And I said that's why it happened.
Yes, because I'm bad. Because I stole.
What is it?
Mike, what is it?
Oh, you're a bad pony
and I'm not gonna bet on you.
Mike?
You see, the thing of it is,
you just said my knife.
- I don't understand.
- My knife.
You said you took my knife
from the hotel room.
You see, in my trade, this is called,
what you did, you cracked out of turn.
Huh? You see? You crumbed the play.
My knife.
What do you want?
What do you fucking want from me?
You want your grand back?
I can't give it back. I split it up.
- What do you want? Revenge?
- I gave you my trust.
Of course you gave me your trust.
That's what I do for a living!
You asked me what I did for a living.
This is it.
Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you.
Really. You're a good kid.
Whatever it is you feel
that you have to do...
- Sit down, please.
- I'd love to...
- Sit down!
- You gonna go to the cops?
- I may.
- And tell 'em what?
The author of the best-selling Driven,
a guide to compulsive behaviour,
gave her fortune away to some con man?
You see my point?
But we've had fun. You must say that.
I said to sit down.
If you walk out that door,
I'm going to kill you.
- I don't believe you.
- What is life without adventure?
(Mike sighs)
What? What do you want me to do?
You took my money.
- How naughty of me.
- You raped me.
- You took me under false pretences.
- Well, that's just what happened, isn't it?
OK, you got stung. And you're hurt.
I can understand that.
I wanna know how you could do
what you did to me.
It wasn't personal. And, funny as that
sounds, I'm sorry that it happened.
But it did. And we've all gotta live
in an imperfect world.
- You used me.
- I used you. I did. I'm sorry.
And you learned things about yourself that
you'd rather not know. I'm sorry for that.
You say I acted atrociously.
Yes, I did.
I do it for a living.
You sit down.
You can't bluff a man
who won't pay attention.
(gunshot)
Are you nuts? What are you? Nuts?
- I want you to beg me.
- Fuck you. I'm not gonna beg you.
- Beg me.
- It's a goddamn bluff.
You're all bluff.
Are you gonna kill me and then go to jail?
Give up all that good shit you have?
Your best seller? That doctor stuff?
All that stuff you're trying so hard
to protect? You'd give it up?
It's not my pistol. I was never here.
- Beg for your life or I'm going to kill you.
- Hey. No.
- I can't help it. I'm out of control.
- Hey, no, I...
Beg me for your life.
Fuck you! This is what you
always wanted, you crooked bitch!
You thief! You always needed to get
caught cos you know you're bad.
I never hurt anybody.
I never shot anybody.
This is what you always wanted.
I knew it the first time you came in.
You're worthless, you know it?
You're a whore.
You came back like a dog
to its own vomit, you sick bitch.
I'm not gonna give you shit.
Thank you, sir. May I have another?
Are you Doctor Margaret Ford?
Yes, I am.
Would you sign my book?
I'd be delighted.
(Maria) Maggie! Darling!
I missed you!
- How are you?
- I'm fine. Really fine.
- Are you?
- Yes, I absolutely am.
Good. Come.
I'm so happy you are back.
Now you sit down
and then you'll tell me everything.
Do you know how frightened
I was for you before your trip?
It was the strain.
I had my book coming out.
No, no. I know.
But there was something on your mind.
That's right.
You said "When you've done something
unforgivable, you must forgive yourself."
- That's what I've done, and it's done.
- Good. Good.
Now, what are we going to eat?
What did you eat down there?
Dr Littauer, you're wanted on the phone.
Oh.
Sorry, darling.
Please, order for me.
Excuse me?
Yes?
Could you tell me
what that is on the buffet?
- A Waldorf salad.
- Thank you.