Voila! Finally, the It's Complicated script is here for all you fans of the Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. At least you'll have some It's Complicated quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?
And swing on back to Drew's
Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.
It's Complicated Script
Hi!
Happy, happy, happy...
Anniversary.
Some things
never change, do they?
I just thought
you might be drifting.
He was pausing.
JAKE: Exactly.
JANE: Okay.
Happy anniversary.
You two have led an
extraordinarily blessed life.
Mmm.
For as long as
I've known you,
you've managed to always
somehow do everything
entirely right.
That's so true.
But honestly,
how could it be
30 years?
When did we do
that trip to Spain?
It was for both
of our what?
Fifteenth anniversaries.
God, that was
a great trip.
Yeah.
OLIVER: Hey, guys.
How's it going?
TED: Hey!
Hey, Ollie.
How was graduation?
It was fantastic.
When's Luke's graduation?
Next week.
It's in three days.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I mean, this week.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Are the girls going?
Yeah, they can't wait.
OLIVER: How long is
Luke home before he
has to go back to work?
Um... Only a week.
Oh!
That's it?
I know. I hate it.
AGNESS: Hi, I'm back.
JAKE: Hey.
AGNESS: Here you go, babe.
(SIGHS) Well, congrats again.
Great, great party.
And I'll see
you two in New York.
Absolutely, I'm looking
forward to it.
Yeah. Good. Well...
AGNESS: Hey, Jane,
what are you wearing
to the graduation?
Oh! A suit or a dress.
Probably a suit.
Fancy. Okay. I like that.
Uh,
Janey, we'll see you there.
Where are you staying?
We're at the Park Regent.
You said you were at
the Four Seasons, right?
I don't know.
Where are we?
We're at
the Park Regent, too.
Oh. Good. That's...
That'll be convenient,
actually for...
(LAUGHS)
Okay. So, well...
See you soon.
TED: Bye, Janey.
SALLY: I'll walk you out.
I thought it was very sweet
how well you and Jake
were getting along.
Yeah.
Felt like old times.
We do know how
to do this by now.
It's been 10 years.
Really?
Yeah.
That's crazy.
I know.
(SIGHS) Bye-bye.
LAUREN: Gabby, stop.
You are never gonna
fit all this in.
You can come back for
the rest of it tomorrow.
GABBY: I can't come back...
Oh, God.
That is all my clothes.
This is clothes?
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, good, your mom's home.
She'll figure this out.
Gabby, you're leaving now?
I thought you weren't
going till the morning.
Yeah, except all
my friends are there
and they want me to
come tonight. So...
But it's gonna be
dark soon, honey.
And you can't even
see out the back window.
It's Saturday night,
people will be
on the road, drinking...
Mom. Mom, She'll be there
in a couple of hours.
She'll be fine.
Okay. I'm just gonna
leave this stuff here
and come back
for it in a few days.
You want me to drive it
down in the morning?
I could be there by lunch.
We could go to that big
Bed, Bath and Beyond,
get kitchen stuff.
Gabby? Gabby,
can you look up
from that thing?
I got it covered, Mom.
Hey, gangster.
You gonna help
me carry these?
You know it. Yeah.
GABBY: What up?
HARLEY: Oh, no,
don't trouble yourself.
Okay.
Why start now?
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
Mom,
are you afraid to sleep
in the house alone?
No.
GABBY: Are you?
No, I'm not! One of you
is always moving out.
I'm just wondering
who I'm gonna watch
The Hills with.
Oh! Mamacita.
(LAUGHING)
GABBY: (SIGHS)
I'm gonna miss you.
JANE: Mmm-hmm.
Oh, my God!
L.A.!
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God!
JANE: (LAUGHING) Stop!
Really doing this.
Okay. Yes, you are.
Do it.
Oh, Mom.
JANE: What?
You don't happen to know
where Dad is, do you?
'Cause I tried calling him
to say goodbye.
He was at Ted and Sally's.
He was? How was that?
You and the two
of them at the same...
I mean, that must've...
(HARLEY CHUCKLING)
HARLEY: How was that?
It was...
Whatever. It was fine.
Was her lunatic child there?
(LAUGHING)
Not this time, no.
Now, listen to me.
Call me as soon
as you get there.
(GASPS)
Do not forget. Gabby!
I will! I'll call you.
You knock 'em dead,
little one.
Hey, and call us
when you get there, too.
None of this
on the road. Dangerous.
Right. Thank you.
Okay. Bye!
JANE: Bye.
GABBY: I love you, guys.
HARLEY: Bye.
They grow up
so freaking fast,
don't they?
I just hate it.
I hate it.
Mom, maybe you
should get a dog.
Oh, my God.
Goodbye, you two.
Bye. Love you, boss.
Love you.
LAUREN: Bye, Mom!
Here you go.
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
JANE: Reynaldo.
Yeah? Too much sugar.
(CHUCKLES) Little bit.
I know.
Hey, who wants coffee
while you're waiting?
Everything okay?
MAN: It's great, thanks.
JANE: (CHUCKLES) Good.
Go check on table five,
would you?
Sure.
JANE: Thanks.
Hello.
Hi.
PETER: Jane!
Peter, Hi!
Hi.
How are you?
Hi!
I can't remember,
have you ever met
Adam Schaeffer?
Yes.
No.
Well, it was...
It was quick. Well...
Look what we've got.
Your plans.
(GASPS) I'm so excited!
(GIGGLES)
I've been thinking
about this addition for...
Ten years.
Ten years? I know.
(CHUCKLES) Mmm-hmm.
(JANE EXCLAIMS)
Ooh! This is nice.
I like this wall
of windows, Peter.
That was Adam, actually.
Oh!
And I love where
you've put the stairs.
That is so good.
Adam's idea.
(EXCLAIMS)
I'm finally getting
a real kitchen
with four walls
and place to put
everything I want.
You actually understood
what I wanted.
All Adam.
I'm happy you like it.
I'm so... Hi.
(LAUGHS) Hello.
So, you read all my e-mails.
All 47 of them, yes.
Jane, it's 10:15.
Yeah?
Oh, it is.
Sorry, I have
an appointment,
a dentist appointment.
Sure.
And, could you
just leave those here
so I could make
a few notes and...
Oh, actually, I do have
one tiny note now.
In my bathroom,
no ''his-and-her'' sinks.
Oh, okay. Sure. No ''his''.
Just ''hers''.
And you don't
think in the future
you might want a ''his''?
(LAUGHS) Oh, God,
we're talking code
about my life now.
No, no,
I didn't mean to be.
The truth is,
in my current bathroom
I have two sinks
and sometimes,
the other sink
makes me feel bad.
One sink. Not a problem.
But we should
schedule another meeting.
Is Tuesday good for you?
Tuesday's great.
8:30 too early?
At the house?
I'll be there.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hi.
Hi.
Hello, I'm Doctor Moss.
Hi, I'm Jane Adler.
So, what brings
you in today?
(CHUCKLES) Well...
Please don't take
this the wrong way.
But I'm the type of person
who kind of
makes fun of people
who get plastic surgery.
Well, I understand that.
You do? Good.
Mmm-hmm.
Because, you know,
some women can look
a little fake and plasticky.
And, I don't know, just,
in my opinion, worse.
I agree.
Well, good.
Because... Okay.
So, as against
the whole thing
as I...as I am,
(STAMMERS)
I do have a problem
that's really bugging me.
Me left eyelid
is really saggy
and sometimes I find
myself holding it up
when I'm watching TV
or reading or...
I was just wondering
if that's something
you could fix.
Look straight ahead. Okay.
Well,
you have the same amount of
excess skin on both sides.
Really? Oh.
Well, I'm only interested
in fixing one eye.
Jane, what you
need to fix this
is a brow-lift.
A brow-lift?
What is that exactly?
Well, we surgically
cut at the hairline.
We make
an incision right here
and then we
pull the skin back
a little tighter
over your skull
and staple it in place
right over your ears.
Now, recovery is
not all that bad.
You could be quite numb,
and you'll probably
have a headache
that lasts
anywhere from, say,
three to six months.
Three to six months!
Oh. Awesome.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
AGNESS: Yes, you did.
I am under a lot
of pressure.
I don't know if
you're aware of that.
No, no. I think
that is something
that you should
fully be aware of.
Okay. Okay.
But that's not
what you said.
Jane!
Hey.
(CHUCKES) Oh! Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
PEDRO: Jake. Jake.
Jake. Jake. Jake. Jake.
Jake. Jake? Hello, Jake?
Uh, hold on, Pedro.
I'm talking with somebody.
Pedro, up! Now!
(PEDRO MIMICKING GUNFIRE)
JAKE: So, what are you
doing in this building?
Dentist.
You don't go to
Sharon anymore?
No. Changed.
Oh.
(PEDRO MIMICKING CAR ENGINE)
(PEDRO EXCLAIMING)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yeah...
Okay, buddy.
Here we go.
PEDRO: Jake.
Okay, Pedro, honey,
don't do that. Pedro.
See you in the Big Apple.
I'll see you there.
(PEDRO GRUNTING)
(WOMEN LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
That is beyond!
When the three of them
got in the elevator...
(EXCLAIMS) Between that
and the staples
and the headache
for six months...
That was the most
insane hour of my life.
(LAUGHS)
Jake has lost his mind.
Yeah, I don't know.
Oh, I know.
He's a complete prick
for cheating on you.
I can't disagree
with you on that.
And then he marries her.
A known lunatic.
Well, she has a big job.
(SCOFFS)
Why do you always say that?
Because she does.
She runs the whole
marketing department at KY
or whatever that
station's called.
She can't be that
big of a lunatic.
Janey, come on.
He cheats on you with her,
your 20 year marriage ends.
Then six months later,
she leaves Jake
and runs off with
some random guy,
has a baby, then leaves
that guy for Jake.
And she's not nuts?
Oh, Jo, you are so
lucky Jerry is dead.
(LAUGHS) Thank you.
No, I mean, you don't
have to bump into him.
Well, that's true.
DIANE: Yeah.
(TRISHA LAUGHS)
Oh, Janey,
do you wanna meet a guy
I met on Match.com
that I didn't like?
Oh, wow,
what a great offer.
No, thanks.
I don't think so.
Well, he wasn't that awful.
Sounding better
every minute.
You know, it's not
healthy to not have sex
for however long it's been.
(EXHALES LOUDLY)
Trust me, I am not
not doing it on purpose.
Oh.
Okay, I don't know
if this is true...
TRISHA: Mmm-hmm.
...but I read online
about a woman
that hadn't
done it in so long
that her vagina closed up.
(LAUGHS)
What?
Get out of here! Come on.
I swear to God,
it grew back together.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Wait, was it
ever one piece?
TRISHA: What? Ooh, no.
No, she had to have
a vaginoplasty.
Ouch!
JANE: Oh, God!
''Hello, Doctor Moss,
I have a little situation
that needs fixing.''
Bubbee. Bubbee,
if you wanna have
your situation fixed,
you have to date someone.
Seriously.
(SIGHS)
Anyone.
Oh, there he is!
JANE: (GASPS) There he is!
Oh, hello.
JANE: Good to see you!
We missed you.
Hi!
Hey, hey.
How are you?
Oh, I love it
when we're all in
the same time zone!
So, what's up, Luke?
Did you decide to
have that party?
Oh, yeah, big time.
What party?
Are you guys
going to sleep over?
Yeah, if you
give us your bed and
change the sheets.
You're having
a party? When?
Hi. Adler, two rooms.
Hopefully next
to each other.
I have an Adler, J.
in a Superior Suite.
Park Avenue view?
Oh, I'm sorry,
here it is. Adler, J.,
two standard doubles.
Sorry about that.
Right.
We are not the ones
in the Superior Suite.
Mmm.
Have the other Adlers
checked in yet?
Just wondering.
No, they haven't, ma'am.
Not yet.
Now,
I just need a credit card
and your signature.
Mom, can the girls
come with me now
and help me set up?
Oh, and by girls,
he means the three of us.
Wait, hold on.
Set up for what?
I have reservations
for us for dinner.
That's not happening now?
I don't know.
Me and my friends
are having this huge thing
at our apartment
and the girls said
they'd help us set up.
(SIGHS)
We're gonna be together
all day tomorrow.
Mom, it's his last night
before graduation.
Okay, okay.
Can I do anything
to help, or you know...
Love your credit card.
(LAUGHS) Oh.
Here it goes.
Once again.
(CHATTERING)
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
(WOMAN CHATTERING SOFTLY)
(EXHALES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hi!
Hi.
Adler, for one, Room 21 12.
Your table is
almost ready,
Mrs. Adler.
Would you like to
wait in the bar?
Sure.
BARTENDER: Hi.
Hi.
(EXHALES)
I'll have a Pinot Noir.
Right away.
No, you know,
I'll have a very dry
Tanqueray Martini,
straight up with a twist.
Right away.
(JAKE LAUGHING)
(SOFTLY) Hey.
Where's your...
Uh, Pedro got
the stomach flu.
So, I'm flying solo.
Really?
Didn't know you knew
how to be by yourself.
Any chance you
could go easy on me?
Just a one-night free pass.
(CHUCKLES)
You look good, Janey.
Yeah.
You do. You always do.
Your hair's shorter.
Longer.
I like it.
Mrs. Adler?
Your table is ready.
Yes? Thank you.
Do you want
some company, Mrs. Adler?
Could we eat at the bar?
Absolutely.
All right.
We both have to eat.
Mmm.
When was the last time
we had a meal together?
You and me? Alone? 1999.
So, come on.
Once every 10 years.
(LAUGHING)
So, how are things in
the fertility world?
I can't believe it
took you this long
to bring that up.
Sperm issues?
Apparently, yes.
(SIGHS) A baby?
Really, Jake?
So, the next time
you go to a graduation,
you'll be, what, 58 plus...
I believe the number
you're looking for is 79.
(CHUCKLING) Okay. Yeah.
Seriously,
how is that good?
Why are we
talking about this?
I thought we were
going to have some fun.
Where did you
get that idea?
JANE: Why do you
want to know this?
You're obsessed.
Just tell me how long
were you seeing him for?
Oh, please,
it was five years ago.
I know, but I
always wondered. So?
Mmm-hmm.
Little jealous?
Yes.
Oh, the man is married now.
I don't care. How long?
Eight months.
Long.
(LAUGHS) Not long.
No!
(INAUDIBLE)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(WHISTLES)
(INAUDIBLE)
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
This song reminds me
of your birthday party.
The one in our old house.
Oh! Oh, that was
such a fun night.
So fun. You wore
that halter dress.
(EXCLAIMS) Yeah.
Oh, man.
You wanna dance?
No.
(JANE EXCLAIMS)
(BOTH WHOOPING)
You're married
to someone else!
Tell me about it.
(GASPS)
(BOTH PANTING)
(GROANS)
Home sweet home.
Oh! Oh, God!
That was one crazy ride.
I thought we were
going to break the bed.
(LAUGHING)
I'm having
an out-of-body experience.
Totally.
You're so great, Janey.
I forgot how great.
Holy shit.
(STUTTERS)
Please just shut up.
I'm so dizzy.
And the Pilates are
paying off, by the way.
(GROANS)
(VOMITS)
Oh, no! Are you okay?
Look the other way, Jake.
Why?
Because I have to get up.
Well, Jane,
I've seen your...
Look the other way, Jake!
(JANE VOMITS)
(TOILET FLUSHING)
(JANE GROANING)
Are you okay?
What is wrong with us?
What do you mean?
This was amazing.
We just had a great time.
(GROANING) Oh,
a great time.
This is the dumbest thing
two people have ever done!
Oh, really? I don't know.
I haven't thought it through,
but off the top
of my head I thought
it was smoking hot,
so something about
it wasn't so dumb.
And FYI,
I like that you stopped
getting bikini waxes.
You've gone native.
(SOFTLY) I was into it.
(CROWD CHEERING)
I love you.
Do you see him?
No.
(JANE EXCLAIMS)
GABBY: There he is!
(CHEERING)
(ALL WHOOPING)
Hey!
Oh!
(SCREAMING)
(WHISTLES)
(LAUGHS)
(INAUDIBLE)
(WHOOPING)
Lukey!
(SOBBING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
All I hear is
Luke David Adler.
I got to go up.
I got to jump
over these people.
From our seats it
looked like you were
crowd-surfing at
a Metallica show.
LUKE: Come on.
(ALL LAUGHING)
You okay?
Yeah. Totally.
(GASPS)
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(THUDS)
I would like to
propose a toast
to your mother.
To me? What?
Now, I've done my part
with you guys,
but, Jane, you...
Very talented you.
Oh, God!
Gabby, I'm serious.
Jane, you've done
a magnificent job,
as you always do.
When I look at you
three beautiful kids
all grown up,
I think of all the work
your mother did...
Much of it without my help.
Dude, pull it together.
Yeah.
Janey, I take
my hat off to you.
Okay, Jake. Thank you.
Out of nowhere
sudden appreciation.
But, thank you, really.
Not totally out
of nowhere, Jane.
If you know what I mean.
(CHOKES) Which I don't.
But...
What's he...
I have no idea.
It's just...
Can we just move on.
Okay, I would like
to say something, too.
For real.
No offense to
the lovely Agness or her
charming offspring...
(SNORTS)
Not nice.
Not nice.
I know, I'm sorry.
But I just wanted to say,
I really loved today.
Just being with
the original five.
Plus Harley,
but he's like one of us.
I don't think we've
ever done this before...
Had a meal together
and hung out like this.
You mean other than
the first 13 years
of your life.
LUKE: Oh, I know
what she's saying.
It's been awesome
just for a whole
day to be just us.
Something feels right
in the universe again,
doesn't it?
So, who's coming home, when?
No one's told me the details.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey. So how's Pedro feeling?
(JANE EXHALES)
Okay, we're gonna
pack Luke up.
Three of us leave
day after tomorrow
and Luke's coming home
end of the week.
JAKE: Uh, I will.
Great.
I'll call you
when I land. Bye.
Hey, Janey,
what flight are you on?
I'm on the 4 o'clock.
Oh! Too bad,
I'm on the 5 o'clock.
That's nuts!
Why don't you try to get
on the same flight?
Yeah, I could try.
It's been great,
but let's not push it.
Mom, he's just
trying to be nice.
I know. I know. I know.
Okay, I gotta take off, kids.
So, thank you for staying.
Absolutely, yeah.
You be good.
I'm so proud of you.
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Mom.
(CHUCKLES) You can
call me if you need me.
Mmm-hmm.
(CHUCKLES) It was really fun.
MALE NARRATOR ON CAR STEREO.:
Just follow a few basic rules
to make your divorce
a less hurtful one,
by breaking
the cycle of conflict.
Accept your ex
for who she is.
A very big ho!
MALE NARRATOR.:
And try to remember
when you first
fell in love...
There she is.
And there she goes.
Jane!
It's Adam.
Oh! It's 8:30,
Tuesday morning!
Are we still okay?
(EXHALES) Yes! Yes!
I totally forgot.
(PANTS) Really sorry.
Can you give me a lift
back up to the house?
Sure. Come on in.
Thanks.
MALE NARRATOR.:
But perhaps the most
important lesson
in going
through your divorce
is to learn to forgive.
Forgiveness is the key to...
Oh! Oh! Sorry.
Forgiveness is...
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
(CHUCKLES)
In spite of
your hurt feelings,
prove to her that you are...
(GIGGLES)
(LAUGHS) Well...
(EXHALES)
Just getting a divorce?
Yeah.
Two-and-a-half years ago.
Whoa!
(CHUCKLES) It's, uh,
been a process.
Here's the good news.
In two more years
you'll actually begin
to feel normal again.
In two more years
I'll begin to feel normal?
Why am I having trouble
seeing that as good news?
Maybe that was
just my experience.
Oh, God, I hope so.
(CHUCKLES)
ADAM: Oh, I have an idea.
Let's see if this works.
So, if we move
this wall back a bit,
uh, we can bring
this arch forward,
which is really where
you want it, right?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah,
I would love that.
I thought so.
(SIGHS)
I have an idea.
What if we move
my bedroom wall
like 6 or 8 feet that way,
just so I can get more
of the morning light?
Not possible?
(CHUCKLES) Yes.
But you'd wake up
in the morning,
walk out your bedroom door
and fall 12 feet
into the kitchen.
(LAUGHS) I forgot it
was all open up there.
But I see where
you're headed,
so let me see
what I can do.
By the way,
this property
is so great.
Have you lived here
a long time?
About 10 years I tried...
(MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)
Oh! I bought the place
right after my divorce
and, um...
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
It's taken me
until now to be able
to finally do this.
Good morning.
Uh... Hi.
Am I interrupting?
Adam, this is
my ex-husband...
ADAM: Oh!
...Jake.
Adam Schaeffer,
my architect.
Hi.
Good to meet you.
Uh, can I take a look?
Do you mind?
Wow! You're finally
getting that kitchen
you always wanted.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Hmm. Huge bedroom.
(STUTTERS) No,
it's not huge. It's...
Why don't I show these
to you a little later
when we're closer to...
ADAM: Uh... I, I think
our next step is to
stake out the addition
and see how it
feels size-wise.
Yeah, that would be great.
So, I will email you
and we'll set something up.
Sounds great.
Jake, nice meeting you.
Yeah, you, too.
Got time for
a cup of coffee?
JANE: Sure.
Why haven't you returned
any of my calls or emails?
Jake, come on!
This is just too weird.
We have to just never do
what we did ever again.
(INHALES)
You are
an adulterer and I am
an awful person, basically.
(VOICE QUIVERING)
I haven't slept in days.
What we did was so wrong
on so many levels.
And it was so right
on a couple of levels, too.
Admit it.
No, it wasn't.
On no levels was it right.
You can't say
we didn't enjoy
each other's company.
Sitting at the bar, dancing.
After dancing. Come on.
You and I haven't
had fun like that
in a hundred years.
Yes,
because we're not supposed
to have fun like that.
We are divorced.
(SIGHING DEEPLY)
Are you, like,
what, unhappy at home?
Does she not understand you?
Or did you just want
to know what it would be
like with someone my age?
What is this?
I'd be lying
if I said I never
think about you, Janey.
I think about you a lot.
And, no, it's not
perfect at home, obviously.
Look at me.
I've got three grown kids
and I'm going to
kindergarten interviews.
I'm a waking cliché.
And I can't, literally,
can't stop thinking
about what happened
in New York.
Fate brought us
together once,
maybe it happened again.
And I know you've moved on
with your life, I get it.
But you can't deny that
something real and honest
happened that night.
Can't we just go with it?
See where it takes us?
No one has to know.
(CHUCKLES) Wow.
You were so great,
so loose and sexy.
How often do you get
to be like that?
You can run and
open restaurants
and build your
perfect kitchen.
But what about
having someone to hold you
in the middle of the night?
Not high on
my list these days.
What if that
someone is someone
who's known you
since you were 23?
And loved you
for most of your life.
Oh, man!
I forgot what
a good lawyer you are.
Give this a shot, Janey.
Life is short
and it's tough.
Don't discount what
we have together.
You know what they say,
''People who live
in nursing homes that
have plants live longer
''than the people
without plants.''
So you're saying
this is a healthy
choice for me?
Honey, I know it is.
(LAUGHS)
(JANE BREATHES HEAVILY)
(JANE GROANS)
Oh, God! Oh, God!
It's official.
(WHIMPERS) We're
having an affair.
Why do you need
to label everything?
Because that's what this is.
Yes,
in its crassest form maybe,
if we were two other people.
Just because we were
married for 19 years
does not not
make this an affair.
Okay, but since we
were together for so long,
it's not really that wrong.
Really? You want to run
that logic by your wife?
(CHUCKLES)
Okay, will you
do me a favor?
You're on my side.
Can we switch?
I'm feeling a little,
uh, disoriented.
Since when is
this your side?
Since 10 years ago.
Come on, just... Please?
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Can I interest
you in a little...
(CHUCKLES) No.
Why do you think
the sex is so much
sexier this time?
I don't know.
(LAUGHS) I got to go to work.
Okay. Me, too.
You see what happens
when you're not
looking out for me.
She lets me eat everything.
Pasta, cream cheese.
(SCOFFS)
Would you hand me
my robe, please?
(CHUCKLES)
And, um, turn around.
(SCOFFS) Why do
I have to, uh,
turn around?
Because the last
time you saw me
standing up naked
I was in my 40s.
Things look different
lying down. Just...
(CHUCKLES) You've
gotten kind of nuts.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
You know what, Jake,
I think it would be
really good for us
to just not talk
for a couple of days.
You know what I think,
just for the record?
I think we're
doing something
kind of brilliant.
All the things
that tore us apart
aren't issues anymore.
I'd say our problems
actually went away.
(LAUGHS) What?
Didn't you always say
you felt you weren't
being heard?
Wasn't that our big issue?
Both of us always
feeling rejected
and unappreciated.
Look at us now.
You're so much
more together.
You're not exhausted
all the time.
You're not catering
every weekend
or busy all day
with the kids.
And I'm calmer.
Not as obsessed with work.
I'm a partner. I'm there.
We both grew into the people
we wanted each other to be.
Really?
Well, you're better
than I am at remembering
all the details of our...
Do you remember never
having time for sex?
(LAUGHS) Now look at us.
We've already done
it two times this week
and it's only Tuesday.
I swear to God,
if half the people
who got divorced
got back together
after 10 years,
their problems
would be solved.
I think we're
on to something.
(CHUCKLES) Not sure
I agree with that.
And, also, we are
not back together.
And I know other
divorced people
think about this.
They wonder, ''What if?''
You know,
I think this is
very French of us.
(LAUGHS) How is
it French of us?
I have a young wife
but I am having sex
with my old wife.
Not old. You know, ''ex.''
I didn't mean ''old.''
You're doing that
thing when you act
like you're not
listening to me,
but think about
what I said, okay?
You got any of
your homemade
granola here?
It's been so long
since I had any.
Oh, you miss it?
So much.
We sell it for 6.a bag at the store.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah,
well, why give it away
when you can...
(GASPS) God!
Ooh. Kiss goodbye?
Mmm.
(CHUCKLING) Ooh!
She wants to be courted.
I can do that.
Oh, honey,
thanks for the coffee.
Oh, God!
(WOMEN CHATTERING)
Oh, my God! Now what?
(GASPS) Three pies?
Oh, this is a feast!
I don't know what's
got into me lately,
but I have so much energy...
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
...which is probably
the result of all the sex
I've been having.
(LAUGHS)
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
I'm actually not kidding.
I'm having an affair.
With a married man.
(GASPS)
What?
JOANNE: When did
this happen?
Where did you meet him?
(CHUCKLING) ''Where did I...''
Well, it started in New York.
New York, last week?
JANE: Mmm-hmm.
We did it once there
and once here.
Or maybe, maybe more
than once there.
I don't know.
I was drunk, so I'm...
You had drunken sex
with a married man
in New York
when you went back
for Luke's graduation?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah. Turns out,
I'm a bit of a slut.
(CHUCKLES)
Apple, blueberry or plum?
(LAUGHS) Wait, wait,
wait, wait. Hold on.
(GASPS) You're not saying...
(CHUCKLES)
What?
No! You're not!
(CHUCKLES) Oh, yes, I am.
I am having an affair with
Agness Adler's husband.
(ALL SCREAMING)
JOANNE: Oh, God!
You're not.
That is genius.
Well, it's also
sort of wrong.
I know. I know.
Oh, please,
it's not that wrong.
(SOBS) But I'm,
I'm so happy to be able
to tell somebody.
This is the most
out-of-control thing
I've ever done in my life!
Literally! You know me.
Yes! We do.
You've never done
anything wrong
or bad ever.
No.
Ever!
DIANE: So,
you're allowed this one.
Well...
I'm sorry.
I kind of love it!
And he was yours first.
True.
(CHUCKLING) Not that
I want him back,
by the way.
Of course, not.
You can do better than Jake.
Thanks.
No. I mean,
you've outgrown him.
You've blossomed.
You've feng shuied
your whole life.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
Just please don't let him
talk you into saving him.
I won't.
DIANE: Janey,
there's something
perfect about this.
You don't have
to cook for him,
or clean up after him.
You don't even actually
have to sleep with him.
I know. I have
an ex with benefits.
(ALL LAUGH)
But, girls,
what about the fact that
I'm now the other woman?
I'm the one we hate!
Oh, forget about that.
Agness is still
the one we hate,
even in this scenario.
Yeah, karma is the
ultimate bitch in this one.
Let's hope so.
Okay, tell me everything!
Wait, wait, wait.
You tell me everything.
I want details.
Details, details.
No, you earned this...
JANE: Reynaldo!
Mmm?
I want to change
the breakfast menu.
Give it more life.
What do you think?
What did you do,
something to your hair?
No, I don't think so.
Something about you
looks different.
A little more caliente?
Caliente?
(CHUCKLES)
You see it, Eddie?
Whatever it is,
it's working.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
(CHUCKLES) Hello?
Oh, no, I didn't
do this again.
(PANTING) Adam,
I'm so sorry.
My mind is just...
Forgive me.
You know, if I were
your shrink, I'd say
maybe you don't really
want to build this addition.
Oh, no, no,
that's completely not true.
I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Oh, I like it already.
Yeah, it's feeling
really good. So, this
becomes your office.
Uh-huh.
You come down
your new hallway.
The windows all along here.
Okay.
Great. Love it!
And from here to there...
Well, let me get
the door for you.
(LAUGHS)
Your kitchen.
We're in the eating area now.
How's the size feel?
Good.
Right now, we're at
either end of the table.
(CHUCKLING) Oh!
Well, it feels perfect!
I thought so, too.
Yeah. Oh!
(EXHALES)
This is heaven!
It's gonna be cool.
You wanna go upstairs?
(GASPS) Oh!
So if you were lying in bed,
this would be your view.
Oh!
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Oh, gosh!
Are you all right?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
I'm fine. I'm...
(WATER RUNNING)
JAKE: (WHISPERING) Janey?
Call me.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
(AGNESS GROANS)
AGNESS: Jake!
Coming!
What were you
doing in there?
Going to the bathroom.
The toilet isn't flushed.
Yes, it did.
Why were you in the shower
with your clothes on?
(CHUCKLING) What are
you talking about?
I heard the shower
door close, Jake.
What do you have,
x-ray ears?
Mmm-hmm. Yeah.
(PANTS) What's up, Pedro?
Jake took a shower
with his clothes on.
(FORCED CHUCKLE)
Oh, Pedro, darling.
Well, what's he
talking about?
I don't speak Pedro.
That's your department.
Don't go in the kitchen, P.
I broke something.
Yo, can you help?
Yo, can you?
That looks amazing.
(LAUGHS) It's called
croque-monsieur.
It was the first thing
I learned to make when
I was living in Paris
because the ingredients
are really, really cheap.
When did you
live in Paris?
When I was in
my early 20s.
I went there to take
a six-day pastry class,
and I ended up
staying a year
working as an apprentice
in a bakery.
Wow, that's brave.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you for taking
my 47 e-mails
and turning them into
something so beautiful.
You are rapidly becoming
one of the most
appreciative clients
I've ever had.
(CHUCKLES) I don't know
what it is but I...
I'm always surprised
when I can count
on someone.
(SIGHS)
Really?
(LAUGHING) Yeah.
I know it's none
of my business,
but I was just
trying to figure out
why someone like you
is divorced.
And what did
you come up with?
Something in the
''you're too nice''
department.
That, and my wife
fell in love with
my best friend.
Oh!
- Ex-best friend.
-No!
We were on a biking trip,
he and his wife
and me and my wife,
through Tuscany,
and on the last day
of the trip,
they announced that
they were in love.
(EXHALES) How awful!
Not a great
plane ride home.
Oh! I can just imagine.
Sitting there
for hours and hours
with your wife,
who you know is...
Oh, that's rough.
Well, actually,
they went on to Venice.
I flew home with Carol,
that's his ex-wife.
And you can't
imagine what it's like
sitting next to someone
who's crying on a plane
for 10 straight hours.
(CHUCKLES) I don't blame her.
I'm talking about me.
(LAUGHS)
But anyway,
they're married now,
and it's pretty much
an ongoing awful thing.
But you and your ex,
when he stopped by
the other morning
for coffee,
I thought, ''Wow.
That's the way
it's supposed to be.''
You two really seem
to have it figured out.
Well... Yeah.
We're not as figured out
as you'd think.
(ADAM AND JANE LAUGHllNG)
I hope you don't think
that I've been
interrogating you,
but I know what
it's like to have
an ex who's remarried
and not have that much
going on in that area.
I mean,
do you date ever? Or...
Oh, constantly, actually.
(CHUCKLES)
Constantly? Really?
Yeah. Everyone I know
or have ever known
has fixed me up
and sometimes
I just meet women.
I don't really know
how it happens, but...
(CHUCKLING) But
no girlfriend yet?
Not yet.
Mmm-hmm.
Just like dating.
Actually, I find it
really stressful.
The last time I was
in the dating world
was 1978.
(CHUCKLES)
And it's so much more
complicated these days.
(CHUCKLES) Oh, I know.
I can't tell you
how nice it is
to have a conversation
with a woman
and have the pressure off,
not to mention
a home-cooked...
(CHUCKLES) That was
a compliment.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Do you have a guy
in your life at,
at the moment?
No.
No?
(CHUCKLES) No.
(JANE LAUGHING)
(CHATTERING)
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
(EXCLAIMS)
This was so nice
and relaxing.
And the lavender ice cream
was the best dessert
of any sort
I've ever had,
like, in my life.
Aw! Oh! Thanks.
I always make ice cream
when I can't sleep,
so I'm glad someone
was here to eat it.
(CHUCKLES)
Great getting to
know you a little.
Yeah, it was really fun.
Well...
Bye. Okay.
(CHUCKLES) Bye.
Bye.
(CHUCKLES)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
(CHUCKLES) What? I'm coming.
(GASPS)
O.M.G., I thought
he'd never leave.
(EXHALES)
Hello, Jane.
(CHUCKLES) Hi.
You're looking very
beautiful tonight.
(MOANS)
Oh, I love when you
smell like butter.
What are you doing here?
Missed you.
Mmm-hmm.
It's 9:00.
Where does your wife
think you are?
Yoga. Shall we do some
downward facing dog,
perhaps?
(CHUCKLING)
Not tonight, big guy.
(CHUCKLES) Is it really
necessary for you
to always say no
before you say yes?
I'm not gonna think
less of you, you know.
Really, Jake.
I'm a little tired
and I was gonna
take a bath, and just...
Okay. So we'll
just hang out.
(GASPS) Is that
croque-monsieur?
Yeah.
Whose plate is this,
yours or his?
(CHUCKLES) That's mine.
(MOANS)
My God! Just like
I remember it.
Don't you ever eat
at your house?
Pedro dictates most meals,
and he has a very
limited palate.
Mmm-hmm.
What kind of
ice cream is that?
Lavender honey.
Not sleeping?
Not at all. You?
Never slept better.
Mmm-hmm.
And my digestion is
finally back on track.
You've turned my world
right-side up, Jane.
You know what
that means, don't you?
(SIGHS HEAVILY) No.
That I've never
really known how
to live without you.
You know,
maybe we should be
growing old together.
(CHUCKLES) I hate
to tell you, big guy,
we already grew old, apart.
What is with the ''big guy''?
Is it because I'm fat,
or is it a term
of endearment?
(CHUCKLING) I have no idea
why I keep saying that.
I'm sorry. I'll stop.
Thank you.
I love how quiet
it is in your house.
Mmm.
I have no quiet
in my life. Ever.
Well, you live
with a 5-year-old.
Yes. And let's
not forget Pedro.
(LAUGHS)
What are you saying, exactly?
What's going on over
there at your place?
(EXHALES)
My marriage is
not turning out
as I hoped.
That's obvious.
Agness started out
really looking up to me.
We never used to fight.
But now with
the kid, lately,
we're all about what
school he's going to
and she thinks we
need a bigger house,
more help.
I was hoping to
cut back at work,
but now that's
never gonna happen.
And she wants to
have another baby
before Pedro gets
too old, which I get.
But since we're
always fighting...
(CHUCKLES) Oh, God.
Listen to me.
Isn't a baby part of
the deal when you marry
a woman that age?
Is it? I guess so.
She's got me booked
at the fertility center
every other day,
and she is so amped up
on hormone injections,
I'm gonna have
to find an exorcist if
she doesn't calm down.
(CHUCKLES)
I wish it was funny.
Incredible ice cream.
Hmm.
I'm turning around.
Hey, remember when
we used to smoke pot
and eat your ice cream
in the hot tub?
(GIGGLES) The hot tub?
That feels like
a billion years ago.
Yeah. How long has
it been since you, uh...
(PUFFS REPEATEDLY)
Me? Since before
Lauren was born.
Twenty-seven years.
At least.
Huh?
(GASPS)
Are you kidding me?
Oh, put that away.
Oh! It's been too long.
Exactly.
(CHUCKLES) I'm not gonna...
Okay. I'm gonna
leave this for you.
It's kind of amazing.
You take a few hits,
get your sea legs back,
and, uh, we'll finish
the rest of it together.
(CHUCKLES) Maybe.
So, that nerdy
architect likes you.
You know that, right?
He's not nerdy.
And he definitely doesn't.
We're just,
we're working together.
I was watching
while you leaned over
to open the oven,
and his eyes were
glued to your ass.
Hey, do me a favor?
Tell me the truth, Janey.
Is this a great
affair or what?
(CHUCKLES) I don't know.
It's my first.
We don't even
have to have sex,
and it's fun.
(CHUCKLES)
I wish I could sleep over.
(CHUCKLES) I got to talk
to my shrink about this.
This is...
This is a lot to handle.
You better go, I guess.
(EXHALES)
(WHISPERING) Okay.
(WHISPERING) No.
Whoa!
What is happening, Jake?
(BOTH MOAN)
(PHONE RINGING)
(JANE CHUCKLES)
Don't get it.
I always get it.
I have three kids.
Hello? Hi. You're still
on the phone?
(CHUCKLES) Plane,
I meant plane.
Uh-huh? Well, how was Luke
when you left him?
Oh, that sounds like fun.
Yeah, let me know
what I can bring.
No! I have no idea
where he is.
Okay, sweetheart.
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Oh! Now I'm lying.
Lauren and Harley
are giving Luke
a graduation party
this weekend.
Sweet, huh?
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello, stranger.
Welcome back.
I'm, uh, just getting
into my car.
Yeah, this weekend
sounds great.
Let me know
what I can bring.
(EXCLAIMS SOFTLY)
Okay.
(CONTINUES CHATTERING)
(LAUGHS)
Why am I laughing?
I mean, it's like nuts!
(SQUEALS) Doctor Allen.
Jane, hi.
Am I seeing you today?
Oh, no.
I just wanted to talk.
And I was wondering
if by any chance you
could squeeze me in for
an emergency session?
(CHUCKLES)
Because I'm sort of in
desperate need of advice.
I brought you
some coffee cake
that you like.
Not as a bribe
or anything. But...
I only have 20 minutes
before my first patient.
Well, that's fine!
I'll talk fast.
So at this point,
I just need some sound,
unbiased guidance.
Is having an affair
with you-know-who
a good thing or a bad thing?
It's a bad thing, right?
This can't be...
How can it be good?
It's not good,
it's not bad.
(MUTTERS)
I've made a list
of everything
this could possibly
be about at my end.
May I read it to you?
Please, of course.
Uh...
(CHUCKLES) Because
I e-mailed it to myself.
(CHUCKLES)
''Okay. Am I still
trying to figure out
why the marriage failed?
''Do I want to
get back together?
''Do we have
unfinished business?
''Is this about revenge?
Or am I...
(SHAKY VOICE)
''Am I just lonely?
''Or is it my
caretaker thing?''
I mean, the kids
are finally gone now,
and all of
a sudden Jake is back,
and I get to take care
of him in some way.
Now, I understand.
I get how therapy works.
I really do.
We look at things,
we examine them.
Weeks turn into months.
And we're going
on eight years now.
(CHUCKLES)
And I'm okay with that.
I really am, believe me.
I... I like it, I do.
But in this case,
I need you to tell me
what you really think.
Like, ''Don't do this.''
You know,
I'd like you to say,
''Don't do this.
It's absolutely wrong,''
or, ''Go ahead.
You'll be fine.''
I actually want to
be told what to do.
What's interesting is,
I'm already
seeing you open up
more than you have
in some time.
I'm thinking,
through this affair,
you may learn
to view the world
in a different way.
I'm sorry, what...
I just need something
more concrete.
I'm... Are you saying
that I should just
keep seeing him?
Because honestly,
I think that if the guilt...
The guilt and the fear
could go away,
I could just...
I could let go
a little bit and,
um, you know,
I could figure this out.
I wouldn't resist
looking at this.
(SIGHS)
Okay. And another
way of saying that
might be...
Let go, Jane.
It can't hurt.
Thank you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
NURSE: Santa Barbara
Fertility Center,
could you please wait.
Thank you.
Jacob Adler?
Have fun.
Okay, you know the drill.
You can hang your things
in the closet.
The remote's on the dresser,
and the materials
are in the drawer.
Please deposit your
specimen in the cup,
and I'll see you
when you're done.
(SIGHS)
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hey, where are you?
(STUTTERS) Uh,
I'm at the office.
Want to grab some lunch?
Absolutely. When?
Can you do it now?
I have about an hour.
We could meet
at the Stanhope,
get room service.
I'll be there in 10.
See you there, Adler.
She's coming back.
HARLEY: Oh,
I'm not kidding.
That is exactly
what the guy said.
I'm stunned.
Look at me.
I'm still stunned.
Oh, by the way,
I talked to my brother
this morning
and he is so excited
about his party.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
Great!
We can fit 40 people
in our place, can't we?
Absolutely.
People won't sit down...
(GIGGLES)
HARLEY:
No big deal, right?
HOTEL CLERK: Hi.
Reservation.
The name is Adler.
Hey. There's your...
My what?
And here's your key.
(COUGHING)
(GASPING)
Harley!
I'm really sorry,
I didn't mean
to spit on you.
I just had to kiss you.
While you were choking?
Yeah, but it worked.
'Cause I'm not really
choking anymore.
Who did you just see?
No one. That was weird.
I thought it was your
cousin from...from...
Oh, my sweet lord.
Now what?
Honey, I just totally forgot.
I have
a conference call at 1 :15.
Back at the office,
so I gotta go.
Waitress! Honey,
I'm serious. Stop eating.
Help me call the waitress.
Anyone over here.
Look over there.
Call that one.
No. Harley. Harley. Harley.
Harley, we can't leave.
We're meeting with
the wedding specialist.
Yeah, and you know what?
Mmm, I just don't know
if today's the best day
for me for that.
Oh, my God!
(ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING)
#When you just give love
#And never get love
#You'd better let love depart
#I know it's so
#And yet I know
#I can't get you
out of my heart
#You
#Made me leave my happy home
#You took my love
and now you're gone
#Since I fell for you
(EXHALES)
#Your sweet love
#Brings such misery...
Jake? Jake! Jake!
I adore October weddings.
Let me show you something
we did last October.
Stunning, right?
And you can do as
much of the flowers
or as little
as you want...
Hey, hon, I'm gonna
make that call from...
...keeping with
an autumnal theme.
Great.
This is a gorgeous cake...
You guys just
keep doing this,
and I'm gonna...
...with the
chocolate ribbons.
LAUREN: Oh, I love it.
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
Ah! Doctor.
Hi. I received a call
about a Mr. Adler.
Yes, 408.
His wife says
he's conscious now.
DOCTOR: I'm on my way.
Okay. Blood pressure's good.
How is his heart?
Do you have
a heart condition,
Mr. Adler?
No. And I just
had a check-up.
You did? That's good.
And when you got dizzy,
did you feel your heart
was beating funny?
Yes. But I was
admiring my beautiful...
It's nice to hear
after all these years.
That's great.
(CHUCKLES)
Did you forget to take
any medications today?
Took 'em all.
What all did you take?
Lipitor, baby aspirin.
Flomax.
Flomax?
Yes. Otherwise,
I pee 40 times a day.
How long have you
been taking the Flomax?
Not long.
I only take it sporadically.
I have to sneak it, actually.
It reduces semen,
which is not good for
my wife right now. Sorry.
Really?
Yes. I prefer
a lot of semen.
I always have.
Wow.
Okay, so good.
Thanks so much for coming.
Looks like
he's going to live.
Yes. My guess is Flomax
is probably
the culprit here.
I suggest you stay off
that for a few weeks.
Which, apparently,
your wife will appreciate.
Yeah, really good for me.
And I suggest
you rest quietly
for the rest
of the afternoon.
No hanky-panky, Mrs. Adler.
(CHUCKLES) No chance,
I can assure you.
Okay,
are you acting like this
because of the wedding?
Tell me the truth.
Not at all, I swear to God.
Because I really
don't want to be
one of those couples
where the guy
goes into a coma
the whole time
we plan the wedding.
God, no. Please.
LAUREN: It's not
worth it to me.
(EXHALES)
He's fine.
Okay!
We are back in business!
Oh, honey!
Don't you just love it
when a song raises you up,
makes you think
you can do anything
when all you have
to do is hear it
and you're motivated,
you're inspired,
(CHUCKLES)
...you don't
stop believing...
See? Just that move?
You have no idea.
Not everyone's like that.
Jake, I have
a confession to make.
Back when we broke up...
I knew it wasn't
all your fault.
You mean that?
You've never said
that to me before.
I know.
Because when you cheated,
I didn't have to.
I think in some way
I gave up on us.
And I'm not sure
you ever really did.
I still haven't.
Are you and Agness
still having sex?
Only if she initiates it.
(GROANING)
I'm trying not to rock
the boat at home
until you and I
figure this out.
It's a loot trickier
at my end than yours.
Right. Yeah. Okay.
I know you're going to
think I'm leaving now
because of what
you just said,
but, I really...
I have to get back
to work.
(SNIFFLES)
We got really close
there for a moment.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
ADAM.: Hi.
Adam?
I'm not interrupting
anything, am I?
(EXCLAIMING) Hi.
Hey, I just found out
there's a French film
festival in town
and made me think of you.
So I was wondering
if you might want to go
to the
opening night tomorrow.
Oh, that sounds so fun!
Tomorrow night?
Um, let me think.
Tomorrow night.
Tomorrow's what?
(WHISPERING)
Say you're busy.
Agness has got
a dinner thing tomorrow.
I can come over.
Come on.
You know,
I would really love to.
But my son is coming home
from college the next day,
and I have
a bunch of things
that I have to do
to get ready.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah. It's no problem.
We can...
Maybe we can see
something another night.
Absolutely.
I'd love that.
Take care.
You, too.
Hey, Melanie,
how would you
and your husband
like two tickets to
the French Film Festival?
Reserved seating,
VIP parking.
Seriously? Thanks, Adam.
You'll make the whole thing?
The roast chicken?
And mashed potatoes.
And sautéed string beans.
And double fudge
chocolate cake.
I know your
favorite dinner, Jakey.
You haven't called me
''Jakey'' in 10 years.
(LAUGHS)
So, do we have a date?
(EXHALES)
We have a date.
(LAUGHING)
Why are you
taking your cell
to the bathroom?
Oh. I didn't mean to.
(SOFTLY) Carry him
to his bed, will you?
Yeah.
And hurry back.
I'm ovulating.
You are?
Why do you think
I canceled my dinner?
(SIGHS)
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
Oh, Mom, I keep
forgetting to tell you
about our meeting
at the Stanhope.
We went there
for lunch two days ago
and met with our
wedding specialist,
and I think
it could be the place.
Two days ago, you went
to the Stanhope for lunch?
Yes, we did.
And we saw nothing.
Harley, what is that
supposed to mean?
Who wants wine? Anyone?
Mom, you have an insane
amount of food in here,
even for you.
Well, I knew
everybody was coming
for the weekend,
so I just made a bunch
of stuff last night.
Looks like Dad's
favorite meal.
(LAUGHS) Very funny.
Very.
LAUREN: Oh, my gosh.
GABBY: Yay, he's home.
Yay.
Oh, my God.
Harley.
Yes!
(BOTH CHEERING)
Hey!
LUKE: Hi.
JANE: Here he is!
Hi, darling.
LUKE: Hi, Mom.
Mom, this looks amazing!
Welcome home.
LUKE: Thanks.
HARLEY: How you doing?
LUKE: Good.
JANE: Oh.
LAUREN: Look at this.
LUKE: It smells so good.
I am starving.
Hi.
Hey.
Where should I put this?
Wherever.
That looks incredible.
Thanks.
Jake, glass of wine?
Uh, sure, thanks.
Jane?
No, thank you.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hi, Agness.
Just got here.
Okay, I will.
Yeah. No, I know.
Sorry, guys,
I gotta hit it.
Bye-bye.
JAKE: I've gotta
stop at the market.
Agness made
some pasta thing,
and she ran
out of olive oil.
At least she's
finally cooking.
So, uh, I'll see you guys
at the party tomorrow.
Yeah. It's gonna be so fun.
I told you I'm bringing
someone, right?
No. Who?
Adam, my architect.
You're bringing
your architect?
Yes, I am.
Like, as a date?
Yeah.
I like the idea.
Me, too!
Yeah, I think
it's gonna really round
everything out nicely.
No one's drinking
wine but me. No?
Here. Now you can stay
another five minutes.
Hey.
You have
three bottles in there.
Janey, could I speak
with you privately
just for a sec?
(SIGHS)
Okay. Okay.
Yeah...
All right.
I think someone's talking
graduation gift.
(LUKE LAUGHS)
What is it, Jake?
I don't get not
calling me back.
Okay, I don't care
what your excuse is.
So, that's it.
She didn't go out, Jane.
She changed her plans.
And every time
I tried to call or write,
she caught me.
I wanted to be here.
You know what?
You were
worried about rocking
the boat at home.
Well,
you're rocking my boat now.
And I don't like it!
Honey, don't let
one night...
You don't understand.
I'm not...
I'm not even blaming you.
I fully participated in this.
But I just don't
want to do it anymore.
The last thing
in the whole world
I should be right now
is your mistress.
Sitting around
at nine at night,
wearing heels and perfume
and blowing all
the candles out
and wrapping
everything in Saran Wrap
because your wife
canceled her plans.
It was just,
it was...humiliating.
You lit candles?
Shut up.
Look, I've had
a pretty good life
these past 10 years.
I have figured it out.
I no longer feel
alone or divorced.
I just feel normal.
You know how long it took me
to get that balance back?
No.
- No.
Well, I'm going in
the wrong direction here.
You know,
the worst part is,
it feels like
it used to feel.
All the little
untruths that...
Hard to catch,
but they mount up.
Janey, come on.
It was one mistake.
No, it's...
Everything okay out here?
Kids are getting hungry.
JANE: Yeah.
We're done.
We were just...
Oh, Jane, it's none
of my beeswax, so...
(SOFTLY)
Please don't tell me.
What's up?
Nothing, punky.
LAUREN: Yeah?
So we're gonna see
you tomorrow night
for sure, right?
JAKE: Absolutely.
What did you see
and what do you know?
Nothing. Really.
Harley!
Okay, he checked in,
then you arrived.
Then you met at the elevator,
possible kiss there.
Then the doctor went up
and the doctor came down.
Then there was a thumbs-up,
but that's it.
I have no idea what
happened in between.
Have you told Lauren?
No, and I won't.
Hey, Mom. Dad's leaving.
Looking good.
Oh, sorry. Wow.
Yes, it's so good.
Mom, it looks beautiful.
Thank you.
LAUREN: Yes, it does.
Hey, Dad,
thanks for picking me up.
Yeah. Bye.
JANE:
...overdone it a little?
GABBY: Just a little bit!
(ALL CHATTERING)
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
Yeah.
(INAUDIBLE)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey.
Hey.
You look fantastic.
I'm feeling
a little fantastic.
This is for you.
Really? Thank you!
Come on in.
Wow. That's so...
Mmm. Will you
hold that for a sec?
Oh, my God!
Mmm. Mmm.
Could be the best
cake I ever made.
You want a piece?
It's beyond.
I think I'm good.
Okay. Can't believe
you brought me a gift.
So nice!
An appointment book.
I sort of assumed
you didn't have one.
Because I never
remember our...
Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh!
I took the liberty
of marking
our next two appointments
with Post-It notes.
And I wrote the...
Wrote it in red.
Mmm-hmm.
And highlighted them
in neon yellow.
Thank you.
Because I thought
that was a...
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I'm not.
Wow. That cake is good.
(LAUGHING)
I get it!
JANE: So, let me
ask you a question.
Please don't think
that I'm weird or
out of line or anything.
But do you by any
chance poke smot?
Do I... Do I what?
I mean, do you smoke pot?
Oh.
I haven't asked
anyone that question
since I was 22.
Mmm, no, I don't.
But I have. Uh, but I
don't think I've had any
since my kids were born,
so not like in 27 years.
Oh, my God!
Our kids are the same age.
And I haven't had
any since my kids
were born either.
Except for tonight.
I had one hit from this!
(CHATTERING
OVER POLICE RADIO)
You might not wanna
hold that up quite so...
I actually know him.
Blueberry scone
and a latte.
Oh. Hi.
Hi.
Oh, my God.
That was horrifying.
I instantly saw myself
in a mug shot.
My heart is...
leaping out of my...
Wow. That's the most
insane dashboard I ever saw.
It's like
we're in a cockpit.
Spectacular!
Adam, what kind
of car is this?
Uh, Jane.
Hi.
Did you get this high
from one hit?
Yes! I don't know
what they've done to pot
in the last 30 years,
but it rocks!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(GUESTS CHATTERING)
Just don't take too much,
because it's really strong.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTS)
I haven't
had fun in almost
three years, Jane.
Bring ... it ... on!
Who's got the reefer?
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
No one. Keep walking, please.
(GIGGLING)
How are you feeling?
Totally fine.
Me, too.
(GASPS)
Hi!
Oh! I love your dress!
Hey, Harls.
Harls? Uh-oh.
Adam, this is my
oldest, Lauren.
Hi.
And her fiancé Harley.
Right.
We're on a date.
(BOTH SNICKERING)
(ROCK SONG PLAYING)
#The one good thing
#In my life
#Has gone away
#I don't know why
#She's gone away
#I don't know where
#Somewhere I can't
follow her
You got to come
meet them.
I need to go.
Hey, nice to
meet you. Bye.
Nice meeting you.
We're gonna
get some drinks.
It was really nice
to meet you.
ADAM: Bye.
Adorable.
Thanks.
By the way,
how great is this party?
It's great!
Let's be
the last to leave.
(LAUGHING) Okay.
Oh!
Hey, there's
your ex-husband.
Uh-oh, and he's headed
right toward us.
Not a great time to
be feeling groovy.
Ooh, why so intense,
big fella?
(LAUGHING) Hi.
Hello, Jane.
Hi.
Hey!
Adam.
Good to see you again.
Hi.
Adam, this is Agness,
Jake's wife.
Hi.
- Hi.
Ah! That's...
That's such
an odd sentence
for me to say
since that was me
for most of my life.
I mean, seriously.
How weird is that?
Both of us married
to the same man!
Hey. What are
you gonna do?
Yeah. Why go there?
Because there...
it's fascinating!
I mean,
if you think about it,
it sort of links us
in a sort of cosmic,
crazy way.
Doesn't it, Agness?
I mean, of all the men
on the planet,
we both said
''I do'' to this guy!
Oh, wow!
Yeah, 25 years apart.
I know you are having,
like, an aha moment,
but I think
I'm gonna get a refill.
Adam, good meeting you.
Great meeting you.
Ah, ha-ha.
(LAUGHING)
Thank you.
She has a really
scary tattoo.
Janey, could I talk
to you for a quick sec?
He always needs me
for a quick sec.
Uh, are you okay?
Oh, I'm very okay.
What's going on?
You're acting insane.
I'm stoned.
What?
You smoked that joint
I gave you?
Yeah. You told me to.
It was amazing.
Well, you weren't
supposed to smoke it
with him,
you were supposed
to smoke it with me!
Ooh, somebody's jealous.
Well, yes, of course.
Why shouldn't I be?
You're my...
What? What am I, Jake?
You're my
ex-wife, lover...
Hmm.
...oldest friend,
girlfriend.
Okay, you are hilarious.
And because of that,
even though I kind of
hate you love you,
I'm gonna let you
have some of this.
You love me?
I mean, I heard ''hate''
had top billing, but...
Oh, my God.
Are you smoking weed
in the guest bathroom?
Yes, we are.
And we'd appreciate it
if you would not tell
anybody about this.
No, never.
Just add it to the list.
Care for a toke?
No.
I don't smoke marijuana.
Me neither.
Okay, one hit.
Okay.
All right.
(LAUGHING) Oh, my God!
Is that what I look like?
Oh, man!
(COUGHING)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
(EXCLAIMING)
I love this. Turn it up.
(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)
They must be hammered.
Something like that.
(COUGHING)
Sweetest divorced couple
in the world.
(INAUDIBLE)
(LAUGHS)
Jake, I gotta go.
Wow.
Fun is
not overrated, is it?
You know what's great?
What?
How much I like you.
Thank you.
I really like you
a lot, too.
Even though...
Oh, you didn't say ''a lot.''
I was thinking it.
So, I'm not
too old for you?
How can you be
too old for me when
I'm older than you?
(LAUGHING) I just figured
that all the women
you're fixed up
with are 35 or...
Jane, your age is one
of my favorite things
about you.
And...
do you think...
Do you think you
have any more of
that chocolate cake
at your house?
Hungry?
Starved.
(JANE LAUGHING)
Oh, God.
Oh. Officially now
the best date of my life,
pre or post divorce.
(LAUGHING) Get out.
Okay. So, basically,
I can make you
anything on the menu.
No!
Or even not on the menu.
Really?
Uh-huh. Just name it.
Okay. Wow.
Uh... Oh, what about a warm
chocolate croissant?
Oh, it's my specialty.
Okay.
(LIVELY FRENCH SONG PLAYING)
Here it goes.
Oh my God!
Oh, baby.
(MOANS APPRECIATIVELY)
Hmm.
It's crazy
how good this is.
And I'm not even
stoned anymore.
Neither am I.
Well, then,
merci, monsieur.
(CHUCKLES)
Do you remember
when I asked you
the other night
if you were dating anyone,
and you said no.
But it felt to me like
you were maybe saying yes.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I was sort of
seeing someone.
But it's over now.
(CHUCKLES)
Honestly.
Because I don't
wanna fall for someone
who's seeing someone else.
I wouldn't be able
to take that again.
I understand.
I wouldn't say
it was over unless,
unless it was.
Great.
Oh, it's a cooking scar.
(CHUCKLES) Big batch
of hot caramel.
And what about this one?
Oh, that was boiling sugar.
(CHUCKLES) Yeah,
I wasn't very skilled
in the beginning.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
That is a...
From a large French
sauté pan.
Would it be
all right if I...
Mmm-hmm.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I was going
to say ''kiss you.''
I figured you were.
And if you feel this
is in any way wrong
because we're working...
I don't.
Hey, sleepy.
Hi.
What time did you get in?
I have no idea.
Lauren and Harley
drove me home.
(CHUCKLES) I'm surprised
you remember that.
Hi! I didn't know
you slept over.
We were playing
Scattergories with Gabby,
and Harley fell asleep
on the couch.
Oh, sweet!
(LAUGHS)
I got cold in the middle
of the night.
Wow.
(GIGGLES)
Okay, who's hungry?
Who wants what?
Hey, baby.
Hi. What is Dad doing here?
Everything okay?
(EXHALES) I left Agness.
(GASPS) No. Don't say that.
Janey, she saw it
in my eyes.
Saw what?
That I'm still
in love with you.
I admitted it,
told her all about us,
and I've left her.
For you.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What do you mean?
This is crazy, Jake!
Are you telling me
the truth?
This feels so right, Jane.
What's going on?
Go set the table.
I'll be right in.
Uh, Mom, nobody cares
if the table's set
except for you.
Okay, then do it for me.
Just go in. Please?
What's up, Dad?
Uh, just having
some problems
on the home front.
I wanted to talk to
your mom for a sec.
Uh, problems on
the home front?
Is one of you
seeing someone else?
JAKE: (CHUCKLES) Oh, no. No.
Nothing like that.
I just, uh, need
a hotel or something
for a few days,
till I get my
head together.
It's that serious?
Mom, can Dad stay here
for a few days?
JANE: No.
He can share my room.
You know, I don't think
that's the best idea, Luke.
Daddy. Are you crying?
(INHALES)
(SOBS) I'm sorry.
(SNIFFLING)
Mom!
(CHOMPING)
Mommy is the best cook
in the world.
(FORCED CHUCKLE)
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Thank you for
saving me, Janey.
(EXHALES) Jake.
You knew all
the kids were here.
Shouldn't we have
talked about this?
Agreed that it was
the right thing to do?
I'm sorry.
No, no.
This is just so typical.
Only thinking about
what works for you.
I guess I should have
called before showing up.
And I'm not sure
you left Agness.
(CHUCKLES) Maybe
she saw something
and threw you out.
What's the difference?
I was drowning over there.
I'm not gonna get
that many more chances
to figure myself out.
Yeah.
Janey, let's use
these couple of days
to see if we can
make this work!
We can't, Jake.
I told you this
the other night.
But...
No, you...
Please listen to me. You...
You were pissy
because you thought
I stood you up.
Things are different now.
I'm a free man!
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
Can we just hug?
I hate that you're
being so distant.
It's literally giving me
a pain in my stomach.
Oh, God. Come here.
(GROANS)
(MUMBLES) You okay?
No. See? Too much.
Okay. Good note.
Uh, can I help you with
what you're doing?
Maybe hold your basket?
I'm fine.
Okay, I'm going to
go to the video store
and get us a DVD
we can watch tonight.
Mmm-hmm.
Movie night,
like old times.
How's that?
I'll make the popcorn.
(SOFTLY) Oh, God!
Fine.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
I love knowing that
I'm coming back here.
(CHUCKLES) Hi! Oh.
Yeah, I slept great.
How about you?
Um. Oh!
(GIGGLES)
I know. It was.
It was, I know.
Thanks, Daddy.
Can I help you, sir?
BEN.: What?
Oh, no. I'm just...
Are you here
for an affair, sir?
(GABBY LAUGHS)
BEN.: What?
MAN.:
The Singleman party, sir?
Oh, yes.
The Singleman party.
MAN.: It's in
the main ballroom.
BEN.: Ah, thank you.
(WHISPERS) I'm so happy.
LUKE: I never have food
in my apartment.
GABBY: I know.
I don't either.
LUKE: Oh,
get the mashed potato.
GABBY: Yum!
Why are we still hungry?
LUKE: (CHUCKLES)
I don't know.
GABBY: It's...
LUKE: Oh!
Any leftovers?
Uh, are you kidding?
Any of that
noodle thing left?
Oh! Where's your mom?
She disappeared so fast
after the movie.
She's probably sleeping.
I think she's
on her computer.
Tonight was weird.
So weird. Still is.
I loved tonight.
Yeah. That's why
it's so weird.
Just to see you in
your robe in our kitchen.
Remember when you
weren't even allowed in?
Mom used to go out to
the car to talk to you.
You know, I don't even
really remember you
and Mom as a couple.
What do you mean?
You were 10 when
we broke up.
I was 12, actually.
And I don't know,
it's just...
It's all foggy to me now.
You don't
remember us in Hawaii
or all of us sleeping
together in that tent
in the backyard?
Yeah, of course.
I just...
I don't remember, like,
you and Mom hugging
or waking up together.
Luke.
(CHUCKLES) It's okay.
I'm not damaged or anything.
Dude, speak for yourself.
I am definitely damaged
from this divorce.
Hello, troops.
Why are you still here?
I don't know.
You and Mom sleeping
in the same house?
Harley thought
we should stay.
She exaggerates.
I just thought, perhaps,
you might want
to talk later or...
Is that the noodle thing?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I think I ate it all.
Dad!
I didn't know
anyone wanted it.
(ALL LAUGHING)
JANE: Back up. Back up.
A little bit back,
so I can see. Oh!
Very festive.
Okay, thanks.
It was gift from
my ex-sister-in-law.
I have no idea
why I kept it.
Into the pile.
Hey, Jane,
take a look at the pile.
Yeah. Nice!
Ah! The pile's moving.
Murphy, get outta there.
(LAUGHING)
When I was in India
I had this made,
but the guy ran
out of fabric,
so he didn't give
me long sleeves,
or short sleeves.
It's weird.
Uh, and kind of girly.
Not what I should
be going for.
How about this?
Gray sweater, very old.
Oh. But cute.
You're sure? Now you
don't have to say that
just because you nixed
the last 20 things.
No. You have to
keep that. It's cozy.
You are helping me
so much, by the way.
Okay, Adam, I feel like...
I gotta pee.
Oh, good. Me, too.
I'll meet you back in 30.
I'm putting you on the desk.
I'm not in there.
Can't hear you!
(HUMS)
(SCREAMS)
No! Mother of... Whoa!
What?
What are you
doing in here?
I wanted to see you.
Get it off!
Why are you naked?
Why do you think?
Oh! I'm gonna be sick!
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
Not working! Big close-up!
Oh, the other side.
No, no, no! No!
No! Okay!
Mom! Everybody okay?
What's happening?
Okay. Just let me explain.
The reason
that I left Agness
was not just because
my marriage
wasn't working.
I've also fallen in love...
back in love
with your mother.
Maybe, I never
stopped loving her.
Is this a joke?
I know it's shocking,
but I think this
is the best thing that's
ever happened to me.
Your mother and I
have been seeing each other
ever since New York.
(SCOFFS) Mom,
is this true?
That part is, but...
I found my way home.
I hope she'll take me back.
Why is everyone crying?
Why isn't this good news?
(SOBS) Because we're still
getting over the divorce.
Oh!
Mom,
are you and Dad
getting back together?
No.
We're not.
(SIGHS)
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
(GASPS) No! What...
(EXHALES)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Glad you're here, boss.
(SIGHS)
Now, Jane,
I know you don't need
my advice, but...
(CHUCKLES) I got this one.
Yeah. Yeah,
I know you do.
(EXHALES)
Knowing how to be divorced
is next to impossible.
And sometimes,
over the years,
I have thought
that your dad and I
weren't quite finished.
(EXHALES) And as it
turns out, we weren't.
So, I went out of
my comfort zone,
which I found out if
you're really honest
with yourself,
isn't all that comforting.
And I experimented
with a part of myself
because I wanted to know
if after all these years
there was still something
there between us.
And was there?
Mmm,
there kind of was. Yeah.
But, Mom,
you have to understand
how bonkers
this sounds to us.
Mmm.
For two people,
who for years couldn't be
in the same room together,
to then have an affair.
I know. It was hard
for me and I was doing it.
I hope you'll forgive me
for confusing you.
And betraying your trust.
But, I did this for me.
And I did it for him.
And I realize
that even though
your dad and I
once had
something extraordinary,
now we no longer really
fit together.
But he is a part of me.
He always will be.
So, it's over now?
You guys are back
to being divorced?
Mmm-hmm.
For better or for worse.
Come here.
My littlest...
Okay, I'm coming in.
(GRUNTS)
JANE: Oh!
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
MAN: So, did you
get the elevations?
ADAM: Yup,
we like them, too.
Uh-huh. I think
all the problems
are solved now.
Go forward.
I'll have more
for you by mid-week.
Uh, can I
call you right back?
Someone just...
Yeah, thanks.
Hi.
- Hi.
May I come in?
Sure.
(EXHALES)
I didn't call you last night
because I wasn't sure
you'd take the call.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
And then I thought
that could go on
for months.
I would have taken the call.
Oh! Okay. Well...
Anyway, it's better
to say these things
in person, Adam.
The man that
I was seeing...
I think I'm up to
speed on that part.
Yeah.
Anyway, I want you to know
it didn't last long.
You're divorced. I mean,
maybe you can understand
when a marriage ends
there's doubts and hurt
and when you have kids,
you just...
Sometimes you wonder
if you did the right thing,
and the moment
presents itself and...
I get it. I could
imagine it. I could.
And I told him
that it wasn't going
to work out between us,
but I guess he didn't
hear me or believe me.
And, uh, unbeknownst to me,
he showed up at
my house yesterday
and he has left Agness.
Jane, I actually
think I understand
what happened.
But, you know, um,
I'm not as macho
as I appear.
And I think it's
probably best for us
if we don't get
any more involved.
Because your
relationship with Jake
isn't really done.
And I know
you're saying it is,
but he's still
in love with you.
And for everyone's sake,
I think that should
probably get resolved.
Wow. So that's how
grownups talk.
Please don't tell me that
you're going to quit my job
and ask Peter
to take over now.
'Cause then I'll never
get to see you. And...
Um... I was thinking
of asking Peter
to step back in.
I hope you don't.
Thanks.
(EXHALES)
I'm sorry.
How far back
does that sorry go?
How far back do
you need it to go?
Way back.
Consider it an all
inclusive apology.
From not being
the husband you needed
to showing up nude on
your bed last night.
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) What were you
thinking with that move?
That you would
find me irresistible.
Mmm-hmm.
I never considered
the alternative.
Got to love that
about you.
Oh, man.
I can't believe
I got up to bat again
and blew it.
You didn't blow it.
(SIGHS)
We blew it.
We blew it
the first time around.
This time we should have just known better.
Too much time has passed.
Too much has happened.
And you don't think
we could make it right?
Does that mean
you thought it didn't
feel right either?
Being with you, Jane,
is the best I'm going to be.
But ... do you agree it...
It wasn't really...
It was complicated.
Begging for an answer.
I thought it was good.
I wanted it to be good.
Well, it's as close
as I'm going to get,
I guess.
(WHISPERING) Do you
always have to be
so hard on me?
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
No, I don't.
I don't regret
giving it another shot.
Probably would've
been better if you
hadn't been married.
(CHUCKLES)
It may never have happened
if I wasn't married.
(LAUGHING)
Yeah.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
(INHALES)
I don't regret it either.
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Good morning.
Good morning.
Did you know
it's good luck to start
building in the rain?
Really?
Oh, yeah.
It's a well-known,
very good,
really lucky omen.
(CHUCKLES)
Good. I can use one.
Would you all like to have
your meeting inside?
It's dry and I have
hot coffee.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Jane, I need
to ask you something.
You don't happen
to have any of those
amazing chocolate croissants,
do you?
(LAUGHS) Oh,
you like those, huh?
I do have incredibly
fond memories of them.
Oh, well,
I don't have any here,
but we could go
into town and get some
right out of the oven.
Do you want
to do that?
(LAUGHS) Okay.