Voila! Finally, the Jakob The Liar
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Robin Williams. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Jakob The Liar. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Hitler goes to a fortuneteller and asks:
"When will I die?"
And the fortuneteller replies:
"On a Jewish holiday. "
Hitler then asks,
"How do you know that?"
And she replies:
"Any day you die will
be a Jewish holiday. "
So you ask me, as a Jew:
"How could you tell a joke
like that at a time like that?"
That's how we survived.
Those were some of the
things that kept us going.
Everything else, the Germans had taken.
They built high walls with barbed
wire to shut us in the ghetto.
We were isolated from the rest of
the world for years without any news.
So we relied on the little things:
A dark joke.
A sunny day.
A hopeful rumour.
That's why we'd go and
sit by the ghetto wall...
...and look at the tree
where I first kissed Hannah.
And it was by that wall
that it all started.
With a single sheet of newspaper.
No! It's too dangerous!
Where can she go?
Run, liebele. Run!
Be safe. Go, go, go!
Darling!
We'll see you soon! We love you, Lina!
Halt!
What are you doing there?
Trying to escape from the ghetto?
Name!
Jakob Heym.
Don't you know it's punishable
by death for a Jew...
...to be in the streets after curfew?
You're right. Of course you're right.
One hundred percent correct.
I don't think the siren went off yet.
A smart Jew! Go over there!
Present yourself to
the officer on duty...
...and tell him you were out after !
But it's not .
Are you arguing?
Go!
This is the radio of the
German Armed Forces Network.
Heil, Hitler!
We will now broadcast
a special bulletin.
During a hard-fought
defensive battle...
...heroic troops of the Fatherland,
under General von Hartung...
...succeeded in driving back
the Russian forces near Bezanika.
Bezanika is a very strategic
point of this sector.
We will now broadcast a
message from our Führer.
Bezanika.
The Russians are there,
only kilometres away.
My God! They're in Poland.
What are you doing here?
The sentry sent me to Your
Royalness for my proper punishment.
Although I hadn't heard the
siren, and with due respect...
...if his watch is right,
then your clock is wrong.
But that is for you to decide.
Decide?
What?
My appropriate punishment.
Even though, I take the
liberty of repeating myself:
It's not yet quite : .
It still isn't : . It's
only three minutes to .
Two minutes to .
Then the gentleman, the sentry,
was just making fun of me.
Just because there's a war...
...people shouldn't stop
joking with one another.
May I?
We Jews are partial to jokes too.
Do you live far from here?
Ten minutes, if I run.
Then hurry.
Please may I have a pass?
Now what do I do, Hannah?
I'm locked outside.
Gotta keep going.
It's crazy, Hannah.
I may be the only Jew
for kilometres...
...trying to get back into the ghetto.
To get across that distance,
you have to be a mouse.
Oh, God of the Jews!
Why didn't you make your
people a race of mice?
I ask you quite frankly: What
good does it do to be a man?
I'm going.
I go.
Not yet!
Wait for the searchlight to go by.
- Who are you?
- Lina Kronstein.
I'm I . How old are you?
Watch out!
What are you doing here,
anyway? Trying to escape?
Where? A Jew would not
last five minutes out there.
So you're going back in?
Yes.
May I come with you?
With me?
Why me?
Who else?
All right.
Come on.
Oh, wait! Wait!
You're scared?
No. Terrified.
Come on! This way!
- Here.
- Thank you, little mouse.
Hide! Police!
Here!
Bye-bye, little girl.
Thanks for saving my life.
You'll have to excuse me.
I'm very tired. I'm going
home. You should do the same.
Maybe I'll take the tram.
Bye-bye.
All right.
Where would you like to go? Do
you have money for your fare?
Come on.
You can't stay here.
You have to go home.
Where are your parents?
Come on!
Our apartment is much
nicer. We have a living room.
Well, when there were
people crammed in here...
...I'll show you no living room.
If you don't like it,
find another hotel.
That's not a nice thing to say to me.
Excuse me.
- Where do I sleep?
- Upstairs.
Why not here?
Because some nosy neighbour
might see you and denounce me...
...and then the Germans
will come. Come on.
- Here, kitty, kitty.
- Leave the cat alone.
- Don't you like cats?
- No. I prefer a rat.
I don't want to see you
playing with that cat.
I certainly don't want to
see you catch it and eat it.
Any cat that lets itself
get caught is sick.
All right, but what
am I supposed to eat?
You don't have any
ration coupons for me.
That's true.
I'll burn that bridge when I get to it.
Here we are.
Look.
There's heat from the chimney.
Here's a book about Africa. You read
this, you'll forget you're hungry.
Don't worry. I'm used to it.
Now, come on.
- What's wrong?
- I lost my doll.
Sorry, I don't have any dolls.
Why not?
Well, me and my wife
didn't have any children.
Where is your wife? Did
they put her on a train?
No, they shot her!
Under a tree.
Don't ask me what kind of
tree. I didn't bother to ask.
Time for sleep.
It's crazy, Hannah.
I manage to more or less
smuggle myself through the war.
I even got out of the
Kommandantur alive.
And now I'm supposed to
take care of a little girl.
I know we wanted a child.
But you usually have them as babies...
...and you get a chance to know them.
That's true.
But what if the Germans find her?
I'm the one who'll have to pay.
If the Russians are that close...
...it's only a few days, right?
Bezanika
Germans are dying each day
Russians are on their way
- Kowalsky!
- We're closed. We're closed.
- Time to open!
- Leave me alone. Go away!
What are you doing?
- You can't kill yourself.
- You got a reason why not?
Yeah, I have a good one.
That's just between you and me.
Yesterday evening something
very funny happened.
Actually, not that funny.
You might not find it funny.
- It's where I caught this
cold- -Get to the point.
The point is, my friend, yesterday
after curfew, I was in the Kommandantur-
- Are you an informer?
- Are you out of your mind?
No Jew leaves the Kommandantur
alive except informers.
Don't tell me lies. I'm
desperate, not stupid.
Get out of here, please.
Please leave me alone.
Go ahead.
People will say Kowalsky didn't
keep his part of a bargain.
I'm entitled to daily
shaves and haircuts.
In exchange, you can eat all
the pancakes you want in my café.
You haven't made any for years.
What can I do? The Germans
don't let potatoes in.
But your beard keeps growing.
That's not my fault. A deal’s a deal.
Oh, good.
What are you complaining
about? You have a dull razor.
Sit down.
Barber with a dull razor
is like a blind moyl.
No insults. Sit down,
please. Here we go.
Here. Enough.
Good. Enough!
Professor!
No, thank you.
Excuse me. My respects, professor.
I caught a cold last night. Do
you have some medical advice?
You know my prescription: A cigar
and brandy, taken in Monte Carlo.
Give me your hand, professor.
- You have a good night?
- Good night?
If three suicides balanced by one
birth is a good night, then, yes.
Splendid, wonderful night.
Line up two at a time! Pick a partner!
- Herschel, you need a partner?
- Yes, but not with cough.
Professor!
Two weak men don't make a strong man.
You forgot me!
- I unload, you carry.
- What'll I get?
The pleasure of my company.
I have to eat.
Do I have to feed you?
All right.
You all right?
Yes, thank you.
Mischa?
Where are you? Sneaking
a cigarette? Is that it?
Oh, my God!
Are you meshugge? It's
forbidden to do that!
It could be you and me here one
day. Shouldn't we do something?
The best thing to do is
nothing! I don't want to be shot!
What way would you prefer to die?
Go away. Don't stand here.
I can't let you do something stupid!
Can you stop me?
I'm your manager.
You're not a very good one.
You're not a very good boxer.
- You want to try me?
- We're not the same weight class!
Guard!
The guard is coming.
You'll make a good-looking corpse.
I'll take one of those bastards with me.
Don't!
The Russians are in Bezanika.
And I heard Hitler's applying
to be chief rabbi in Berlin.
- It's the truth.
- Let go!
I heard it on the radio!
It's forbidden to talk. Go to work.
What are you laughing at?
Forgive me, but...
...I just heard good news.
Go, go!
You'll get shot.
- You have a radio?
- Who said that?
- You said that.
- No, I didn't.
- What have we been talking about?
- Shut up!
You sneaky bastard!
You had a radio all this
time! I can't believe it!
I have no radio. I just said that
to keep you from getting shot.
Nobody'd say that if he didn't.
Do you realize the penalty
for having a radio is death?
I was lying!
Lying?
If you had one and didn't
want anyone to know...
...the best way would
be to say you had one...
...because no one owning a radio
would be stupid enough to admit it.
They'd leave you alone, which means....
- What does it mean, Jakob?
- I don't know.
It means you've got a radio.
I don't have a radio.
I understand.
Go, go.
Don't worry, Jakob. You can trust me.
I'll keep it under my hat.
You better.
Because if you don't...
...you better start the Kaddish
now, because I'm a dead man.
- Jakob!
- What?
I'm going to start training again.
Tell your new manager.
Hello, Anna! How are you?
Are you taking a trip somewhere?
I think it's too dangerous
for you if I stay...
...so I should go with
my parents after all.
May I take your book?
You're not going anywhere
until you eat your supper.
Aren't you eating?
Eat, always eat. It's not good
to stuff yourself till bursting.
Mischa. Have you been in another fight?
No, it's nothing. I have very good news.
Good news? What good news?
Hello, Mrs. Frankfurter.
Hello,
Mr. -
How are you today?
Mr. Frankfurter, I have
something to ask you.
I've already beaten you, Papa.
Until the last line has been
spoken, the curtain cannot come down.
Excuse me, Mr.
Frankfurter-
You have something to ask me?
I'm prepared to help you with the
overcrowding in this apartment.
Before I forget.... For you.
Two rutabagas.
I know it's not much. It doesn't
seem a fair exchange for....
Mr. Frankfurter.
Mrs. Frankfurter.
I am here to ask for the
hand of your daughter.
Come with me for a minute.
You know where we are?
Trains are coming to take us
and you make matrimonial plans?
We've learned to live without
firewood, potatoes, decent clothing...
...without children, but no
one can live without a future.
We have a future. The
war's about to end.
Someday, but who'll see it?
We will!
Our war is nearly over.
You can count the hours.
Don't do this to my family!
Don't come here and fill
our heads with false hope!
Do you know where Bezanika is?
Do I know where Bezanika is?
I played King Lear there
three times. "As flies to.... "
"To
wanton-"
"As flies to wanton boys are we to
the gods. They kill us for sport. "
Bezanika's less than
kilometres away.
So what do I care?
The Red Army is there tonight.
Probably even closer by now.
Stalin told you this news personally?
In absolute confidence,
just between you and me...
...and Rosa and Mrs. Frankfurter...
...and Avron and Judith, and....
Jakob Heym told me.
Jakob Heym, the
illustrious pancake vendor.
If he said it, it must be true.
He's got a radio.
Please, don't tell anyone.
It could be dangerous for him.
And you never said anything about it.
You've been listening to a radio!
Don't worry, it has no plug.
Now I'll reduce it to splinters.
Close the door.
We couldn't listen to it for a moment?
Excuse me.
What happens when the Gestapo finds
the pancake vendor has a radio?
They will search the ghetto.
What will they find? This radio.
I'll say that I never listened
to it. They'll shoot me anyway.
For an encore, they'll hang me in
the square, next to that idiot Heym!
Morning!
- Great morning, Jakob.
- Good to see you, good to see you.
So what's new?
Nothing much, you know.
Kvart's wife left him.
Under the circumstances,
seems a bit pointless.
That's too bad.
You know, women. Since Adam.
You don't say.
Can you keep my hair from falling out?
How long have we been friends?
What does that have to do with my hair?
Do you have that green stuff?
You come every day for a free
shave and never mentioned a radio.
What radio? I have radios
like I have potatoes.
- Everybody knows you got a radio.
- What do you mean, everybody knows?
It's travelling at least as fast
as the news about Kvart's wife.
Really? So by the evening,
the Gestapo will know.
You still have that rope? I may need it.
Mischa says the Russians
killed so many Germans...
...their tanks crossed
the river on their bodies.
- Did Mischa say that?
- Yes, he did. Is this true?
Is it?
I want you to be the first
to know I'm engaged to Rosa.
- Mazel tov!
- Thank you.
But what about our news?
I only told family and
friends and Frankfurter.
Schmuck! You told a barber!
A barber. The biggest mouth in town.
Murderer.
I'm sorry, Jakob. You want a partner?
Jakob, you need a partner?
You need a partner, Jakob?
He is my partner!
No! I work with Samuel.
I'm your partner, Jakob. Me.
Stop. I know bubkes.
How many kilometres did they make today?
Get off my back.
Excuse me. Your friend Jakob, did
he tell you about the front line?
Well, he asked me not to say.
What?
Can he get the BBC?
BBC? Of course.
- Please give me something.
- Go away.
Don't tell me you haven't
listened since yesterday.
Yesterday, there was a
program of dance music.
Maybe after work, I
could teach you the tango.
Shit!
Listen.
There was a program of music yesterday.
Russian music.
I'm telling you, we'll
never see the Russians.
We'll never see the Russians,
eh? So what are those?
Mr. Frankfurter, the Russians...
...they're going to bomb us.
This is the good news?
Germans.
They look like Germans to me.
Your information said they were
retreating under Russian attack.
They're flying east and....
Use your brains a little.
If the Germans are headed in that
direction, towards Bezanika...
...and the Russians are
headed there also, they say.
There, exactly.
If the Russians are there, they're
not going to sit and have a picnic.
I don't think so.
- For this bread, three rutabagas.
- Two turnips!
No. For two turnips, half a bread.
Three-quarters, because it's you.
Gonif.
Stay away from the train.
Don't shoot! Don't shoot, please!
Roman, I heard voices
coming from those boxcars.
Are you crazy? Come on, come on.
The show is over!
Back to your work!
I heard voices, I tell you.
Pretend there are
just potatoes in there.
Oh, yes. It's the latest German
invention: potatoes that talk.
It's human voices! We've
got to speak to them.
What can you say to the dead?
What's the matter with you?
You told us the Russians
would be there any moment.
- You want to keep that to yourself?
- It's none of our business.
What's wrong with you?
Sit down.
They have the right to know.
Eat.
I don't wanna eat.
Someone help me, please!
Hey! Do you hear me?
We have information. The
Russians are almost here.
They're at Bezanika.
We all saw the plane.
Yes, please believe me.
You don't understand.
We have a radio!
You want to get killed too?
You did this!
Did you have to shout from the
rooftops that the war is over?
Look where it got us!
Don't blame yourself.
If Herschel wanted to save
the world, that was his choice.
We need more Jews like Herschel.
At least he tried to give
these people some hope.
He's a hero like you.
I'm not a hero.
I'm a latke vendor.
A latke vendor with a radio.
Who just killed a friend.
If you hang yourself, I'll kill you.
Are you going to listen to London?
I can't take anymore. You must tell me.
The
Russians-
There are no Russians!
No radio! No nothing!
Understand?
What do you mean?
I mean I don't have the slightest
idea where the Russians are.
I'm a liar! All right?
You'll burn them. Let me do it.
I'm perfectly capable
of frying mushrooms.
I know. I ran a
restaurant before the war.
A restaurant?
A very quaint one.
We made latkes. You
know, potato pancakes.
And blintzes stuffed with apricot jam.
And in the summer, ice
creams and fruit juices.
Did your wife work with you?
Why are you always asking questions?
Why do you never answer them?
I already ate.
Eat. After you've eaten,
you can do the washing up.
I hate washing up.
I did the cooking, didn't I?
When the war is over,
can I be a waitress?
What about school?
I'll go to school in the morning.
Afterwards, I'll serve customers.
You don't have to pay me. Just let
me eat as many pancakes as I want.
Just like Kowalsky.
Open the window.
Look, your friend the boxer.
Are they fighting?
Maybe later they're fighting.
Looks like Mischa
thinks the war is over.
He's trying to get her
to go to his apartment.
Doesn't she want to go?
- Very much.
- Then why doesn't she go?
You'll discover these
things when you're older.
When?
No more questions.
Spirit...
...if the Russians have reached Pry...
...knock twice.
Ask something useful, like where
your daughter is this time of night.
- She's with Mischa.
- That's what I'm afraid of.
He's involved with this troublemaker
Heym. They'll drag Rosa into it.
On the other hand, if Rosa
doesn't sleep home, it's better.
If they arrest us, she won't be here.
Some consolation.
The days are difficult. Let them
do what they want with their nights.
So? Did you listen to the
radio? Any progress at the front?
Did the Russians shoot
down those planes?
Stop torturing me. The Germans
are already doing a fine job.
Samuel.
Is it suicide?
He just gave up and pulled
the blankets under his chin.
Stupid thing for Samuel to do,
when the Russians are that close.
Because they are, aren't they?
Yes, professor.
What?
The radio says they are.
So, Hannah...
...the truth can kill.
Samuel has died because
I told him the truth.
And that crazy Herschel died because...
...he believed in news from
a radio that doesn't exist.
So that's dangerous too.
Whatever I do, I'm wrong.
Hunger for hope may be
worse than hunger for food.
So what's new?
I have to feed them something, Hannah.
But what?
Elements of the th Army...
...supported by flamethrowers
of the shock troops...
...of the Leningrad Division...
...are advancing with
mechanized armoured units...
...of Stalin's Soviet th Brigade...
...in an easterly direction,
under massive air cover.
Easterly?
They're headed the wrong way.
It's just a feint...
...to throw the Germans off.
Exactly.
Why would they announce
that on the radio?
Strategy.
To make the Germans think
they're invading China.
Remember, it's a world war.
Exactly right.
For example...
...in Africa, there are
tribes of cannibals...
...who've never seen a white man.
We don't want news about cannibals.
Why not?
We want to know if the
Russians are going to get here.
Technically, they're retreating.
But strategically, they're advancing.
What does that mean?
Let me show you.
Here is the front line.
Here is Bezanika. The
Russians have that.
Here's Pry. The Germans have that.
Here is the railroad
junction at the Rudna.
That's what the Luftwaffe
were protecting yesterday.
Exactly right!
Germans don't want the
Americans to take that.
The Americans are in the war too?
They didn't say they were there.
They have problems of their own.
They're fighting on another front.
But for now, they're sending tanks.
Tanks? How many?
Not many. But enough.
And brand-new, right off
the boat from Chicago.
Chicago?
How could you tell they were American?
You get to know the difference.
American tanks, it's a
different noise entirely.
What kind of noise?
Clean.
Yeah, you can hear the horns.
- On the tank?
- No, the band.
They sent a jazz band
to cheer up their allies.
- Saxophone?
- Clarinet.
Sounds like Benny Goodman.
- Lady singers?
- Three of them.
- Andrew Sisters?
- Maybe their cousins.
It sounded so beautiful.
And all the time in the background,
I could hear the Russian guns.
It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever heard in my life.
You know, the jazz band...
...the artillery, everything.
It seems liberation is near.
Heym may not be the Messiah,
but he could be a prophet.
Prophets speak in the name of God!
All the pancake vendor has is a radio!
He's saying the same thing Isaiah said:
" People of Israel, I will
lead you out of bondage. "
"Out of bondage. "
If this is what we get from Isaiah...
...I can't wait to find out the
results from the pancake vendor.
He must be stopped.
Yeah, it is crazy.
I know, Hannah.
But when I started to
make up those things...
...I almost believed them.
I know.
The point is, what am I
going to invent tomorrow?
In my whole life, my greatest
invention was an apricot pancake.
A latke.
My crowning achievement:
Latkes and lies.
What are you doing here?
Look what I made for you.
I'm not hungry.
What do you mean, you're not hungry?
This is turnip soup,
made from real turnips.
It's delicious. Try it.
No, thank you.
You haven't eaten cat, have you?
Of course not.
Then it's the mushrooms.
- Those mushrooms were bad.
- Don't worry.
It's better not to be hungry
than to be hungry, isn't it?
Sneaky bastard. He's got
the radio in the attic, Rosa.
He's trying to get to
London. I'm sure of it.
Are you going to marry Jakob Heym or me?
We're not the only two
people in the world.
Think about the resistance that'll
be organized because of this radio.
Maybe I should have put up
a little more resistance.
Then you'd pay more attention to me.
Do you want more attention?
Maybe.
Come on. Let's try to get some sleep.
Napoleon always made sure he
got a good night's sleep...
...before his big battles.
And he didn't do too badly.
Go, go! Get away, you bad cat!
Something is going on, I knew it.
I have to see where he's going.
- Mischa, it's curfew.
- I know!
What if the Russians attack and
I'm lying here! Where's my hat?
I love you. You know that.
I love you too.
Look at this. Look here.
Your Mischa leaves our daughter
home so he can run around with Jakob.
Something must be done
about this nonsense.
Mischa! You frightened me!
That snob Kirschbaum is in on it
too? Why? Because he's a doctor?
Yeah, because he's a doctor.
Go! Leave me alone!
I know you think I'm
stupid, but I'm not.
I know what's going on.
You heard a message from London
and you're going to tell Kirschbaum.
You were hit in the head
too many times, Mischa.
Good evening.
Professor doesn't see patients
at this time of the night.
I'm a personal friend of the doctor's.
Professional colleague
at the freight yard.
- Your name?
- My name is Jakob Heym.
The Jakob Heym?
I imagined you much taller.
So did I.
Come in.
Professor.
Please sit down.
Here, my diploma.
Forty years ago, more than years.
I always knew this diploma...
...would come in useful.
What can I do for you?
I have a girl in my attic.
I'm a doctor, not a confessor.
No, please. She's only years old.
She escaped from one of the transports.
I've been taking care of
her. I'm doing my best...
...but I think she's very sick.
Come.
I'll show you my pharmacy.
There's nothing there.
Here, look.
AII I have.
The only medicine we could give
her is some of your good news.
Like the American tanks.
I mean, even if the jazz
band, it's a little too much.
Benny Goodman!
Don't you think so?
That's a wonderful medicine
you have. I mean, wonderful.
I admire what you're doing. I really do.
Let's go and see this
little friend of yours.
Esther, my bag and my coat, please.
Pancakes....
Oh, my God!
Come on, it's me!
What, you need an emergency shave?
The Russians will be here whether
Heym has a radio or not, won't they?
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
You and I are in the same profession.
Who knows more about human
nature than actors and barbers?
You have your stage, I have mine.
Now I risk treading on
yours to make a solemn plea.
Tell your friend to destroy
the radio before it destroys us!
Destroy it? The radio?
Your friend, Jakob, is
preparing an uprising.
That's ridiculous. This isn't
that kind of ghetto that rises up.
Even to think of it is blasphemy.
Jews put their trust
in God to protect them!
We must admit that line of
reasoning hasn't gotten us very far.
If you don't believe me about
the uprising, answer this:
Why are Jakob and the prizefighter
walking around after curfew?
Mischa is in this?
Up to his neck!
Stupid, stupid!
My God! Anybody could see us here!
What do you think? They don't have eyes?
Quiet!
Professor, it's really
very important to me.
It's not very far. Right this way.
Could somebody please tell me
what's the point of this, please?
You see? What's he doing
out this time of night?
What are we doing out
at this time of night?
What's this?
When a man loses his
fear of the Almighty...
...he's capable of anything.
I hope to God not to find out
disgusting things about Heym.
What do you mean?
His private affairs are none of
our concern. Look for the radio!
Only an idiot would hide
a radio in the kitchen.
Maybe we should try the cellar.
Good idea.
Yes, the cellar.
Let's go.
Let's get out of here.
This way, professor.
Oh, my God! He's here!
Not so fast.
Only one more floor.
Hide!
Shut up!
Slow down. I have a heart condition.
- I'm exhausted.
- Right here.
Wait, wait, wait.
I need to rest, need to rest.
What if the Russians said that?
You're right.
Kirschbaum is part of the Resistance.
I would have bet money on it.
He keeps it in the attic!
Jakob, there are thieves
in your apartment.
My apartment?
What's to steal?
Now, come on.
Lie down.
And you do everything
the professor says.
Let's see.
Stick out your tongue like a frog
trying to catch a fly, and say, "Ah. "
All we have here is a little tummy ache.
Too much ice cream.
Chocolate, maybe?
She's very sick.
Boiled water only...
...and some of your medicine, maybe.
It's in here.
If they're listening to the radio,
we would be considered accomplices.
Oh, my God!
We'd better wait for them there.
That's a good point. I love your
point. Let's get out of here.
What are you doing here?
My God, Kowalsky. You too?
Yes. You know, I think it's
really for the best. I really do.
I don't know if you realize the
danger in which we have been placed.
There are ghetto informers who
will do anything for a few potatoes.
Therefore, I beg you, as
a father and a husband...
...please destroy that radio
before the Germans find out.
You want me to destroy my radio?
I do, yes.
All right.
I'll destroy it.
It's a dangerous thing, I admit that.
Destroy the radio.
But since Mr. Heym has accepted
to share the information with us...
...there has not been a single case
of suicide in the entire ghetto.
- Is true?
- It is true!
The professor has a good point.
- Very good point.
- Think about it.
It saves lives.
That's very good reason to keep it.
I have a suggestion.
What?
We could listen to the latest
news and then destroy the radio.
That's a good idea.
My God! These idiots want
to defy you once again.
Stop them! I beg you!
It's a power cut.
It's a miracle!
Sorry, gentlemen.
No more radio. No more news.
Good night. Thank you for coming.
No electricity. None.
It's sabotage.
- It's sabotage of the Resistance.
- Resistance?
Stop!
- Come on. We go back.
- We can't go back!
Thank you.
It's a miracle.
No, it's sabotage.
- It's a miracle.
- It's sabotage.
- Miracle!
- It's sabotage, I'm telling you.
Miracle, miracle, miracle!
Shut up!
Here, drink.
Because you've got to get well...
...because your parents are coming back.
And when they do, we're gonna have
the biggest party you ever seen.
I'll be back.
Is it true you've got a radio?
Not you too?
Please. I've heard you have a
radio. I'd really like to see it.
I was a baby when they took ours away.
If you promise me to get well...
...I promise you, you
can listen to my radio...
...if the power comes back on.
Do you mean it?
Would I lie to you?
- So what's new?
- New? Oy!
Anybody would think you were
happy about the power cut.
God's will be done.
I think that green stuff is working.
Stamtisch never complained.
I know I'm not a member of the club...
...but you might want
to hear my idea anyway.
- I don't.
- You see?
Mischa was thinking, Mr. Heym...
...if the electricity
can't come to your radio...
...you can take your
radio to the electricity.
What are you talking about?
Electricity.
See? Only certain streets are affected.
We could bring the radio here.
Bring the radio here?
Oh, it's a great idea.
It's the best idea I
ever heard in my life.
What a wonderful idea. Bring it here.
Absolutely. Put up a big
sign in Polish and German...
...so everyone will know
there's a radio in my shop.
I could charge admission with low
prices for the Gestapo and soldiers.
Put up loudspeakers. I
could sell refreshments.
What about dances between news reports?
I'll shave the Luftwaffe
before they hang me.
I'll tell you why it won't work.
I know Jakob better than anyone.
He won't give you the dirt
from under his fingernails...
...let alone lend you
his precious radio.
You're saying I'm cheap?
What else do you call a man who's
got free shaves daily for years...
...without giving so much as
a sniff of a pancake in return?
I thought you were my friend.
Friends can say these
things about each other.
So shall we go and fetch it?
- What if the Germans see us with it?
- What if they damage it?
It's a shame there're no children left.
We could've put it in a child's coffin.
The Germans don't pay much
attention to dead children.
- Let's go.
- No. We can't.
- Why?
- It'd never work.
No, he'll never let you do it.
He'll say it costs too
much in electricity.
- You're saying I'm cheap?
- You're not?
- I'm cheap?
- You are.
- You're cheap!
- You're cheaper!
You're supposed to have
a pancake for a shave.
But you don't have one. You
eat five pancakes every morning.
You stuff your face
until you can't get up!
Bring the damn radio! I'll
show you how cheap I am!
No, you're not that cheap!
Now that's a mensch.
And a meshuggenah! Kowalsky, wait!
I didn't mean it. You're not cheap.
What are you waiting for? Go!
Can't do it.
Why not?
My nerves.
I'm a coward.
You get to know these
things about yourself.
Some people look inside, they find
things nobody ever knew were there.
Like Jakob.
Then there's the rest of us.
You can't force a man to risk his life.
I'll keep it at my place.
The power will come back.
And by then, the news will
be even better, won't it?
Like cheese.
Kowalsky, you need a partner?
Take off your hats!
Hardtloff...
..."The Liquidator. "
What's he doing here?
What do you think?
Looks like it's time to pack our bags.
What does our prophet
have to say about this?
What's the prognosis, doctor?
Supraventricular tachycardia. Could be.
- Good. Sounds serious.
- It is serious.
How long can you live with that?
How long can we live with
him? That's the question.
Feeling better?
Tonight is Shabbat.
Great.
We'll fast like every other night.
You're not a very good Jew, are you?
Hannah used to light the candles.
Don't you believe?
I believe we are the chosen people...
...but I wish the Almighty
had chosen somebody else.
But you're still a Jew, aren't you?
In the eyes of the Gestapo...
...I'm the biggest
yid they've ever seen.
The light!
No miracles for part-time Jews, huh?
You remember what you
promised, don't you?
I remember.
I got better since then.
Now you want to listen to
the radio. Well, you can't.
Why?
- I got rid of it.
- Why?
- I gave it to Mischa.
- Why?
What "why, why?" Always "why?"
He was driving me crazy.
- Gestapo! Open the door!
- Under the bed.
It's not too clever, hiding under a bed.
This is not a discussion!
You!
If the Germans only knew the
trouble they're going through...
...just to get your radio working again.
It's funny, isn't it?
May you die laughing. What do you want?
I want to listen to the radio.
I have to know what's taking so
long. I have to make my wedding plans.
That's quite impossible.
Why is it impossible?
"Why, why?" Everybody's "why?"
It's not even your radio anymore.
It belongs to everyone now!
You're waiting for someone?
Who is it? Tell me.
And then you'll tell everyone else.
Soon the Gestapo's knocking
on the door for real.
You're hiding someone?
Yes. Why couldn't you think
this quick in the ring?
Someone important?
Very important.
I'll tell you about it
tomorrow. Right now...
...we need our privacy.
To think that of all people...
...my old manager, Jakob Heym.
Schmuck!
Mischa needs the radio.
All right. I lied.
I lied...
...because it's a sin to
listen to a radio on Shabbat.
But you don't observe Shabbat.
Where does it lead?
The radio.
But you must do
everything I say. Promise?
Promise.
This is your restaurant?
It was more of a café.
You sit here.
And don't move. If you
move, the radio won't work.
I'll turn it on, and we both
are going to listen to it.
But if I see you get up,
the radio goes right off.
Now I turn it on.
It takes a moment for
the tubes to heat up.
Once they are warmed
up, you'll hear talking.
So it's heating up now.
We don't want him.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
This is the BBC in London.
Tonight we have a special guest...
...the Prime Minister of Greater
Britain, the very Honourable...
...Winston Churchill...
...who is just now coming into
the studio, putting out his cigar.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen...
...and everybody in Poland.
- He likes the Polish, doesn't he?
- Of course. We're his allies.
Mr. Churchill, if we only
have a little bit of time...
...I would like you to update
us on the events around Bezanika.
I'd be delighted.
That is my
area of exper-
Gesundheit, Mr. Churchill!
Excuse me.
The cigar smoke gets up one's nose.
Where was I?
Bezanika, in Poland.
I know where Bezanika
is. I'm not stupid.
And I was on the phone
with Mr. Stalin...
...who told me his troops
were doing wonderfully.
Is that not so, Mr. Stalin?
Da!
Does that mean it's nearly over?
That's a very good question.
He heard me!
We remind listeners
not to ask questions...
...as that interferes with reception.
And please don't look at the radio!
But it's still a very good question.
And the answer is yes!
The whole megillah will soon be over...
...and that schmendrick
Hitler will be gone!
And that brings to an end our
special bulletin for Poland.
We remind young listeners to brush
their teeth before going to bed.
I turned it off now.
What about music?
Music?
Turn around.
Music.
Now, in memory of peacetime...
...which will soon be with us again...
...a little dance music.
From the Grand Ballroom in
London, an evening concert.
May I have this dance, mademoiselle?
Do you know how to polka?
I'll teach you. Stand on my feet.
Here you go!
- Good morning.
- Morning.
What's the latest?
He's not up yet.
Good morning.
But I have some good news.
I saw him yesterday. He's
hiding a parachutist from London.
A parachutist?
Now they have parachutists.
How do I beat that? Flying tanks?
They need news, but I have no new ideas.
What can I invent now,
Hannah? Submarines?
The latest. Ask anybody else!
I'm the only one in this whole
ghetto who's got no news, Hannah.
Are you gonna work today,
or is this a one-man strike?
- Come on! What are you doing?
- I have to go!
Dysentery.
Are you out of your mind?
You're gonna commit suicide.
That's a German toilet!
Can't wait.
You're gonna get shot,
you crazy bastard.
" Massive traffic in Munich. "
" Miracle cure for haemorrhoids. " Shit!
"Sunny with occasional
showers in Berlin. "
" Heidi, I miss you. Franz. "
" In memoriam. In memoriam. "
" In memoriam. In memoriam. "
" Loyal son of the
Fatherland. " " Dear Nazis. "
News!
"The Luftwaffe Reserves
beat the Kriegsmarine...
... - in a hard-fought
but fair game. "
Thank you. The Jews will
rejoice at this news.
God, a miracle, please.
All right.
Your father cleans up after horses
Listen to me closely I'll explain
Your mama sleeps nights in the park
You father's doing time in prison
Your sister sleeps with a chazzer
Your sister sleeps with a chazzer
No, get off, please!
Kowalsky, are you out of your mind?
Are you all right?
What does it matter, now that you...
...the illustrious pancake
vendor, get to crap like a king?
So now that you've shared a
toilet seat with the master race...
...maybe you'll feel good
enough to tell us the news.
Yesterday, Churchill
addressed the Polish people.
In Polish?
You want the latest news or don't you?
Our apologies.
The main item...
...was that the Luftwaffe soccer team...
...beat the Kriegsmarine
by goals to .
That's it?
Want the latest news? That's it.
Churchill is on the BBC giving
out German army sports results?
Nothing about a front line?
If Churchill has nothing
more important to announce...
...it means to me the
war is pretty much over.
That's right.
What if to is a code?
Could mean the Russians
outnumber the Germans to .
Or maybe they are kilometres away.
I don't think so.
I think it means that maybe
they are, I think, hours away.
If we listen hard enough, maybe
we can hear their artillery.
Yes, that's what the
noise was last night.
My wife thought it was
the heating pipes...
...but there hasn't
been any steam for years.
- I heard it too.
- You heard it too?
Yes, I heard it too.
"Et tu, Brute?"
I think it's time to organize.
Professor, did you hear this
Avron? He plans to organize.
Well, maybe he's right.
Maybe we can save a few lives if we
have an organization and a leader.
For God's sake!
The Russians may be pushed all
the way back to Siberia by now.
Hardtloff is here. We
know what that means.
What? You're going to fight
the Germans barehanded?
And what do you suggest we do?
Just sit down and wait?
Hope is all very well, but sometimes
it takes a little action too.
You will understand this.
It'll be a massacre.
All because these Jews
believe the dreck I feed them.
But you started this.
And now you have to go on. Let's
only hope that your lies were true.
Let's hope that.
What is it?
You know what it is.
Forgive me, but Jakob, he's right.
And I am wrong?
And you are wrong.
You smelled the cooking,
Mr. Frankfurter. Come in.
- Mr. Frankfurter!
- Papa!
I'm happy you still remember.
How's Mama?
You know how mothers are. She
hasn't seen you in a few days.
So I said to myself:
"Today is Sunday. I'll see our
daughter and bring her her things.
And that way, if they
come to take us away...
...she'll still have her trousseau. "
It's beautiful.
But is it what we need right now?
I know what you need right now.
I played Sherlock Holmes in
The Hound of the Baskervilles.
I always insisted on authentic props.
Young man, I realized I care...
...about more people
than my immediate family.
Perhaps I'm wrong and
your friend Jakob is right.
While I'm baring my soul...
...I must tell you that I did
not play King Lear three times.
I played it once, and
I forgot half my lines.
Try not to get killed
before you marry my daughter.
And remember, until the
last line has been spoken-
The curtain cannot come down.
Well, gentlemen, I think
the person we need...
...has to have physical
as well as moral courage.
He has to be a man who's proved
that he is willing to take risks.
And I think he should also be a man...
...who's brought hope...
...hope and dignity to the ghetto.
Thank you, Esther.
Sounds like the professor to me.
We will see.
"Jakob Heym. "
You see? "Jakob Heym. "
" Blumenthal!"
Thanks.
"Jakob Heym. "
- " Professor Kirschbaum. "
- You see?
"Jakob Heym. "
Congratulations!
A little apricot liqueur.
I was saving it for a special occasion.
Gentlemen! Jakob Heym.
- To victory.
- To victory.
I get the door.
Gestapo! Open the door!
Why are you running? It's Mischa.
Good joke.
Very good joke.
I know, I know.
I'm not invited.
But I have something...
...I think you will find interesting.
My God. Where did you get that?
You have a radio, I have a gun.
German steel.
We can count on them for something.
Now that you're the leader,
what's our next move?
We have to wait for the signal.
The signal?
And then we start the insurrection.
The BBC said so.
What's the signal?
Something very special, like:
"The chicken is in the pot"
or "The baby is singing. "
But our signal is top secret.
I'm not at liberty to
tell you at this time.
Further evidence that you are in
the best position to lead us, Jakob.
But if I'm your leader, I will
only do it on one condition:
You must be disciplined.
All of you.
Now we only have a little
time left. Right, professor?
And in that time, if anybody,
anybody does anything stupid...
...you have to answer to me.
Open up! Gestapo!
That's not Mischa.
Open the door!
Open the door!
Does the Jew Kirschbaum live here?
Professor Kirschbaum lives here.
Do you have an appointment?
- We don't need one.
- Tell the professor this is urgent.
Wait here.
I shall tell him you are here.
Come in.
Take a seat, please.
We have some visitors.
Andre, dear.
Some gentlemen to see you.
Best luck, Jakob.
Shalom.
There's only two.
- That's two too many.
- Give me the gun.
It's my gun.
I am the leader.
Gentlemen...
...what can I do for you?
Please get your bag. General
Hardtloff has had a seizure.
That's the first good news
I ever got from a German.
Hardtloff?
He's not my patient. I
presume he has his own doctor.
Are you refusing?
I'll get your bag.
Thank you, Esther.
I put in the other pills,
the ones for your heartburn.
With a little luck...
...you will not need them.
Unfortunately, I think I will.
Thank you...
...Esther.
He'll be back.
Thank you, sir. Thank you.
It's a nice place.
It's a very nice place.
Come. Come on! Go!
- Sorry.
- Idiot!
It's a great honour to meet you. I
attended all your Berlin lectures.
Berlin? The good old days, yes.
Please sit.
Over here.
It seems that this little town...
...is home to one of the greatest
cardiologists in the world.
I had the honour of teaching in Berlin.
And now I'm a professor...
...of latrine cleaning
in the freight yard here.
I see.
Well...
...the ghetto is going
to be emptied tomorrow.
I can see to it...
...you are not on the transport.
Why so generous?
I am surrounded by incompetents.
These doctors are unable
to do anything for me...
...and the pain is unbearable.
Open the jacket, please.
Let me see.
I know this sound, sir.
I have a similar condition.
It's pretty painful, isn't it?
But only here, I have a little problem.
On the one hand, as a physician,
I'm obliged to help you.
On the other hand,
if I save your life...
...you'll liquidate the ghetto.
And if you do not...
...my men will liquidate you.
This is the radio of the German
Armed Forces Network. Heil, Hitler!
We will now broadcast
a special bulletin.
Our troops are engaged
in the Battle of Normandy.
News....
Sorry.
Perhaps you would like to
hear how the war is going.
But, of course, you have your
own sources of information.
Your own radio.
- In the ghetto?
- You think we are stupid?
We have informers.
I know you listen to the BBC, that
you're dreaming about resistance.
Why don't you give me the name of
the criminal who owns the radio?
I'll save you. What do you say?
It's a hard decision to make,
yes. It's a hard decision.
May I have a glass of water?
If it helps you to make
up your mind, why not?
Water.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, sir, but I....
Poison!
It was poison!
You bastard yid! I forbid you to die!
You really shouldn't get excited.
Take my advice.
You know, I am a
world-famous cardiologist.
World-famous cardiologist....
I'm a famous...
...cardiologist.
Esther.
Professor! Professor!
Stop. He's dead.
Rise.
You let this dirty yid defy me!
But, Herr
General-
I want to see this radio
here tomorrow morning!
Go!
Heil, Hitler.
Halt!
A criminal terrorist
is hiding a radio...
...in the ghetto, in
defiance of regulations.
Unless the man responsible brings
himself and the accomplices...
...to the Kommandantur by midnight...
... hostages will
be shot in reprisal.
A criminal terrorist...
...is hiding a radio in the ghetto...
...in defiance of regulations.
Unless the man responsible
brings himself...
...and his accomplices...
...to the Kommandantur by midnight...
... hostages will
be shot in reprisal.
Are you there?
What do you want?
Is that a way to greet a visitor?
Sorry.
Should I go to the basement,
fetch a bottle of champagne?
No wonder you never had any customers.
So I wanted to tell you
about that green stuff.
Never worked for Stamtisch...
...didn't work for me
and it won't work for you.
The last cigarette before
you tell me to turn myself in.
No, that's between
you and Him up there...
...if He is up there.
No, actually...
...I wanted to ask you about the signal.
I was wondering if that
signal must have come by now.
At least any minute
now. What do you think?
What?
For what I'm about to say,
I'd rather be in the dark.
I don't have a radio.
I've never had one.
And if I did, I wouldn't have
had the guts to listen to it.
So how did you know
where the Russians were?
- I made it up. Most of it.
- I don't think so.
I don't think you can make that up.
The battle for Rudna, and for the
tanks, the Luftwaffe, Churchill-
The jazz band. All of that.
Actually, the soccer
score was genuine...
...thanks to your dancing that day.
And Bezanika, I really did
hear that in the Kommandantur.
But as for the rest of it...
...it's lies...
...all lies.
Sometimes I amazed myself.
But it's lies...
...and wishful thinking.
You're telling the truth.
Finally.
Go ahead.
Tell me how much you hate me.
That was our dear
friends, the Germans...
...and half the German army...
...they were tearing the ghetto apart...
...for a radio that doesn't even exist?
Don't tell Mischa. It'll kill him.
You're not sleeping.
You shouldn't ruin your eyes like that.
I'm not going to see
my parents again, am I?
The Russians aren't coming, are they?
Yes, they are.
A whole battalion of them.
Straight from Moscow,
with tanks and a big band.
Is that another lie?
Why should I believe you?
Would I lie to you about
something like that?
I heard you talking to your friend.
But I understand why you did it.
You wanted to be...
...to be good.
That's from Hannah.
She told me she wishes we
had a little girl like you.
Where are you going?
I have something I have to
do, and you should sleep.
Why?
Questions, always questions.
I have to give the Germans my radio.
But you don't have a radio.
That's a problem, isn't it?
You know, maybe I'll
go and explain it...
...all to my good
friend in the Gestapo...
...and he'll see the funny side of it...
...and we'll have a good laugh about it.
That one's from me, maidelah.
Be careful.
Mischa, open the door. It's me, Jakob.
Has the signal come?
Not yet, but I need your services.
- Are we rescuing the hostages?
- That's being taken care of.
But your mission is to go to my attic.
I'll get my clothes.
Not now.
Tomorrow, if I don't show up at work...
...you must go to my place
under the cover of darkness...
...and transfer here something
special I left for you to take care of.
The radio?
Something special.
- I understand.
- Good.
Where's my gun?
This mission does not require a gun.
It requires a good
brain and a strong heart.
So I chose you, our best man.
Mazel tov.
Goodbye, my friend.
Dear Jakob:
You'll probably hold yourself
responsible for my death...
...and if you look at it one way...
...you'd be right.
But when you look at
it a different way...
...your imaginary radio
gave me a reason...
...to keep going for
a few more days, anyway.
Much as I'd like to, I don't
hold anything against you.
With a bit of luck, you'll
find some other schmuck...
...to shave you for free.
Until I see you again, I
remain your best customer...
...Kowalsky.
Shalom, chazzer!
Remember me? The smart Jew?
Why are you out after curfew?
It's about my radio.
I must see the officer on
duty. I wish to give myself up.
Maybe you're not such a smart Jew.
Keep going.
I know the way.
It's in here.
So...
...here we have the famous Jakob.
Did you bring your radio?
Yes and no.
Let's go!
Please! Please! Please!
Come on! Come on!
You're crazy. You're
going to get us killed.
I have to go to Jakob's.
Rosa, go!
Halt! Halt!
The radio?
The hostages.
Nothing yet?
Another few more minutes, Herr General.
All right. Continue.
Tell us about the radio. I will
see what I can do for the hostages.
- Look by the window.
- There's nothing here.
It has to be here somewhere.
I hear something.
Sorry if I frightened you.
Who are you? What are you doing here?
I'm Lina Kronstein. I live
here. But it's a secret.
You're Mischa, yes?
Jakob said you'd take care of me.
Take care of you?
Of course, we'll be happy to. Won't we?
Listen to me very carefully.
This is very important.
Do you know where Jakob hid the radio?
- Of course I do.
- You do?
I've heard it.
"This is the BBC from London. "
You actually heard this radio?
I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
Where is it?
Where is your damn radio?
Lina, where the radio is matters
a great deal to a lot of people.
Would Jakob trust us to listen to it?
Stop.
I'll show you.
I'll show you my radio.
Go, Lina. Go, go!
Forget about the radio, Mischa!
That...
...is my radio.
You've just told your last joke, yid!
Stop.
Go! Run there!
Run. Trust me, run!
Don't shoot.
Please don't shoot. Don't shoot!
It was you.
The Jew who was out after curfew.
And it was your radio I heard.
Excuse me, sir, is
that a problem for you?
You're the one with
the problem, my friend!
That's true.
That's certainly the case.
I can't argue with that.
But to let a Jew hear a radio...
...that's a serious offense, isn't it?
You can shoot me, but you
still don't have my radio.
So...
...we both have a problem, don't we?
May I?
You will stand up in
front of the Jews...
...and tell them there was no radio.
You made it all up. Everything.
There is no radio, no resistance.
In return for your
confession, I won't shoot you.
But you will put me on
a transport to the camps.
It's the same thing, isn't it?
That's not much of a deal for me.
You may be a good soldier...
...but you're not much of a businessman.
Excuse me for saying so.
Who knows?
You might survive a week in the camps.
Two weeks. Six months.
Until the Russians or the
Americans or the British arrive.
You know how close they are, don't you?
There's always hope.
Isn't there?
What man doesn't want
to see the next day...
...and the one after that?
You all know this man.
He told you he had a radio.
He told you that you should resist...
...the German authorities.
He will now tell you...
...that this was all a lie.
He will tell you that there
never was such a radio.
And that resistance...
...is pointless.
Tell them.
Tell them.
Hey, you.
Tell them.
So that's how it ended.
I never got a chance to be the
big hero and make my big speech.
I swear, I had a speech all prepared...
...about freedom and never giving in.
But somehow....
Yes, that's how it ended.
They all went off to the camps...
...and were never seen again.
But maybe it wasn't like that at all.
Because, you know, as Frankfurter says:
"Until the last line has been spoken...
...the curtain cannot come down. "
About kilometres out of town...
...the train was stopped
by Russian troops...
...who had just taken Bezanika and Pry.
Roll it out, roll it out.
Roll out the barrel
Sing a song of good cheer
'Cause the whole gang is here
Roll it out, roll it out
Let's do the Beer Barrel Polka!