Kabluey Script - Dialogue Transcript

Kabluey Script

  
  
And it was announced today that another
fifteen thousand National Guard troops

  
would be called to active duty
and deployed to Iraq within the month.

  
President George Bush
is urging all Americans

  
to stand united on the war in Iraq.

  
And the Bush administration is facing
some difficult decisions

  
on troop levels for the war in Iraq.

  
No, you are not bothering us.
I'm glad you called.

  
- How is it going?
- Not good.

  
Oh I do wish we were
there to help you out, hon.

  
I saw on the news last night
that they are extending

  
all the National Guard people over there.

  
- Will Noah be extended?
- October.

  
Oh, I can't believe it.
What are you going to do?

  
Well, we can't afford day care.

  
But if I don't go back to work
in the next six weeks,

  
we're going to lose
the kids' health insurance.

  
All right you guys, cut it out now. Stop it.

  
I would offer to come out there and help.
But with Ed's condition I...

  
- No, I know.
- Mommy.

  
- Maybe your parents.
- No.

  
- Well, what about Salman?
- Salman?

  
- What about him?
- Maybe Salman could come out

  
and help you for a while. I'm sure the boys
would love to meet their uncle.

  
I don't know. I mean, where is he now?

  
He is in Nevada.

  
What is he doing?

  
Help! Help!

  
Is he working?

  
No. He was fired again.
I just heard from him on Mother's Day.

  
- Yeah. What was he fired for?
- Oh...

  
Okay. When you see the red light
that means it is hot enough to laminate.

  
You just slide everything through here.

  
And you have to pull it through
on the other side.

  
Jesus Christ, can I just get one color copy?

  
Here, I'll be right back.

  
- I didn't want this laminated.
- Why not?

  
This is my resume.

  
- I don't know.
- I'll call him right now.

  
I have a number.
I think he is living with some friends.

  
Now, Les, I don't want you to worry.
Everything is going to work out.

  
Noah will be home in one piece
before you know it, God willing.

  
I'll call Salman and leave him a message.

  
It will all work itself out.
And it will all be okay. Okay?

  
The Bush administration sends its top guns
from the Pentagon to Capitol Hill

  
in an effort to reassure all Americans.

  
A more emotional debate yesterday in the
House of Representatives on the war in Iraq.

  
It ended, as expected,

  
with passage of
a Republican draft resolution that...

  
President Bush got a briefing
at the Pentagon today. And afterwards...

  
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

  
- Come in.
- Hi.

  
- Hi.
- Hi.

  
- Don't you have luggage?
- Oh yeah.

  
- I have this.
- Yeah, that is luggage.

  
All my other stuff is in storage.
In Vermont and Dubuque.

  
- Okay. Whatever.
- Okay.

  
- That is an interesting belt.
- Oh, thanks.

  
Yeah, I made it myself. At work.

  
You know, it is basically a cardboard belt.

  
But it is made with plastic.
So it is a plastic belt.

  
- It is cool.
- Thanks.

  
- So, that is one of them? That is Cameron?
- That is Lincoln.

  
Oh. Okay.

  
Hi, Cam. Hi, Lincoln. Hi. Hi, Lincoln.

  
Hi, Lincoln.

  
No!

  
Well, yeah. They are kind of shy.

  
Dinner!

  
Many questions today for
Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld...

  
Cameron, take a bite.

  
No, I don't want to. I won't eat anything!

  
This is good, water.

  
So I guess we haven't seen you
since the wedding.

  
Oh. Yeah.

  
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

  
- You ever talk to Noah about that?
- No.

  
I didn't want to. He was so mad.
I just didn't know if...

  
The fire department and all.
We didn't talk about it.

  
Oh.

  
Yeah.
So I have to go back to work tomorrow.

  
Oh, tomorrow? Okay. All right.
I thought it was next week.

  
And I will be gone from 8:00 to 5:00.
But sometimes until 6:00.

  
And that is when the kids have dinner.

  
Right.
So I will be feeding them dinner at night.

  
Making dinner for them. Okay.

  
- And breakfast, and lunch.
- Oh right. Okay.

  
- No, of course, I'll do all three.
- All day.

  
Yeah, I know. It is feeding them. I know.

  
I'll show you where everything is tonight.
You know, after the kids are in B-E-D.

  
- In bed?
- No, I don't want to go to bed!

  
No, mommy!

  
Sorry.

  
Yeah, so, this is the spare room.
So I thought you could just stay here.

  
I didn't bring a bed with me.

  
- This?
- Yes. The other sleeping bags are wet.

  
Is that the one with vomit in it?

  
I can't tell.

  
And there is a lantern up there.
The light in that room doesn't work.

  
- So, you should take that.
- This?

  
No, that is a camp stove.
You can have that if you want it.

  
I don't think I'll be cooking in there. Will I?

  
Whatever. It is up to you.
Do you want the tent?

  
Good night. I love you.

  
I'm really tired right now.
So I don't feel like going over everything.

  
Do you think you have it?

  
- I guess so.
- Can we just talk in the morning then?

  
Can I leave you a note? I'll leave you a note.

  
What do I do if something happens
that I have to reach you?

  
I have a text message, pager thing.
So, just leave me a message.

  
Okay.

  
You know what? That thing is really
for work. It is supposed to be for work.

  
So don't page me. Do not page me.

  
- Okay.
- And be really quiet

  
when you are getting ready for bed.
They are right next door.

  
- Okay.
- Did you use the bathroom yet?

  
- No.
- Oh, my...

  
But I can wait until morning, I guess.

  
That is great. Okay. Thanks. That is good.

  
- Good night.
- Good night.

  
- Mommy is leaving!
- Mommy!

  
Hello?

  
Mommy! Mommy!

  
- Guys...
- Mommy!

  
Mommy!

  
Mommy, mommy!

  
Mommy! Mommy!

  
Mommy!

  
No more cookies.

  
- Hi.
- What are you doing?

  
I'm babysitting.

  
So, they had cereal for dinner?

  
No, no, that was just a snack.

  
- What did they eat for lunch?
- Sandwiches.

  
And breakfast?

  
What did you do all day?

  
Well, we played in their room
for a little while.

  
Lincoln, we have to put underpants on
if we are going to be in polite society.

  
I don't want to be hit on the shoulder.

  
And then I gave them a bath.

  
Hey kids. Just stay in the bath tub, all right?
I'm almost done!

  
Cameron? Lincoln?

  
Where are you?

  
Lincoln? Cameron? Lincoln! Wait a minute.

  
It is okay. You are okay. Come on.

  
Cameron? Where are you?
You are okay, Lincoln.

  
- You are okay. Where is Cameron?
- I'm drowned.

  
You are not drowned. You are still talking.

  
No towels. All right, let me get you a towel.
Hold on. Cameron?

  
Hey!

  
And then we went for a walk.

  
Cameron? Cameron, come here!
Come back here, Cameron.

  
Cameron! Cameron, come here!

  
And maybe we could go over stuff,
like you said you would leave in that note.

  
Because the note you left was fine.
Whatever.

  
But I couldn't really find much food
besides cereal.

  
Why didn't you just walk
to the grocery store?

  
Oh. Well I didn't know that I could.
I mean, I will.

  
I'm not against that.
I just didn't know it was an option.

  
- What is that?
- It is the mail.

  
- When did it come?
- Today. It is today's mail.

  
- This came today?
- Yeah.

  
This is from Noah. It is a letter from Noah.
Why didn't you page me?

  
But you said not to page...

  
Yeah, no. Yeah, of course.
Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Sorry.

  
Come on, relax.

  
Let us go!

  
No, no!

  
I can't take you both in at once.
I'll come right back.

  
You are okay. It is okay. I will be right back.

  
Calm down, calm down.
Just relax. We will be right back.

  
Excuse me.

  
- What are you doing?
- Have you kidnapped these kids?

  
What? No, no, no.
Their father is my brother.

  
All right, whatever.
Because I'm just being safe.

  
You would be surprised how many people
bring juvenile hostages into grocery stores.

  
And then it is, "Hello! AMBER alert."

  
Sir, we can't have you tying your child up
outside the store. It looks very bad.

  
They are not his kids.
Apparently he is their uncle. Or so he says.

  
Please, just untie the child.
This is a family store.

  
Or go over to the Shopway.

  
Hold this. Cameron! Come back here.

  
Cameron, Cameron? Cameron?

  
All right, that is enough. Now let us go.
Now we are going home.

  
Hey! Hey! What? Stop it. Stop it.

  
- I hate you!
- Now Cameron, that is enough.

  
Now let us go. Come on.

  
I am going to kill you.

  
- This is not working.
- Yeah. Well, I tried...

  
Mommy, mommy,
look at this beautiful flower I drew for you.

  
That is nice Cameron, but I'm talking
to uncle Salman right now. Okay?

  
I love you, mommy.

  
I love you too.
I'll look at it later on, all right?

  
You know, your son there
threatened to kill me today.

  
- Why would you say something like that?
- Because it is true.

  
He told me he was going to kill me.
And you know, he had this

  
incredibly cold look in his eyes.
And for a minute I just didn't know.

  
Mommy, mommy, I drew you a princess.

  
This, I mean, this right now.
This, what you're seeing right now?

  
This is just a spin. This is just a front.

  
I mean, you don't have any idea what
this kid is like when you are not around.

  
You know? I mean, he may very well be like
Damien in The Omen! That does happen!

  
- It is possible.
- Mommy, can I sit next to you at dinner?

  
Okay. That is enough.

  
Okay, Cameron, dinner is going to be ready
in a minute, honey.

  
I think you should go back to Nevada.

  
- I can't.
- Why not?

  
I don't have any money.
I can't afford to go anywhere.

  
You are thirty-two years old
and you can't afford a bus ticket?

  
No.

  
Even if I did, it is not like I can just get
on the bus and go anywhere.

  
I don't have any money.
I can't get an apartment.

  
- So you don't have a credit card?
- Yes.

  
But it's totally...

  
Yeah.

  
- Hi, mommy.
- Hi.

  
- What are you...
- I came home for lunch.

  
- Okay. We were just about to...
- I may know of a job for you.

  
Really?

  
- Is it a full time job?
- I don't know what it is.

  
It is with maintenance or something
in my building at work.

  
I just heard they were hiring
and I gave them your name.

  
- Does maintenance mean like trash pickup?
- I don't know.

  
Well, what are we going to do
about the boys?

  
If it is not full time, the boys could be
in day care for a couple of days.

  
- You can help me pay for that now.
- What is the actual job?

  
Salman, look just go down there and
talk to them. I gave them your name.

  
- Okay.
- Yes. Say, "Thank you."

  
Thank you.

  
He likes me.
There is nothing I can do about it.

  
I don't know why I should be in trouble
because he likes me.

  
So I told her right to her face,
"You can't talk to me like that.

  
"I have been working for seven years.
And I don't have to take that."

  
And I don't. And she knows that.

  
And he smiled, he looked at me and I just...

  
So I don't care. I didn't say anything.
She didn't say anything.

  
That is just the kind of person I am.

  
Is it my fault the other company's CEO
is flirting with me?

  
Or if he thinks I'm cute or smart?
Or really good with PowerPoint?

  
No, it is not. She can't even do her own
PowerPoint presentation.

  
She can't even print her handouts
three to a page on a color printer.

  
But you know, because she is the manager,
it is okay.

  
You know, during the meeting he said,
"Who did these slides?"

  
Because it is the same aqua color
I use on all my graphs.

  
And I didn't say anything.
Because I never say anything.

  
You know, do I say anything?
I never say anything.

  
I just do my work and keep my mouth shut.
And I don't say anything.

  
- I have a job interview here.
- Job interview?

  
Nobody is getting hired here.

  
I think so.
This Blunexion in this building, right?

  
Yeah, well the whole building is Blunexion.
What is left of them.

  
- What do you mean, what is left?
- Well, the market crashed

  
before they could get everybody moved in,
didn't it?

  
And who is working there now?
Ten people? Eight?

  
For one little Internet web site.
No. There are no job interviews here.

  
Shit.

  
- Are you Trout?
- What?

  
Trout, the brother of the receptionist, Leslie.
Or whatever.

  
Oh, yeah, brother-in-law.
But it is Salman, not Trout.

  
- Salmon?
- Salman. Like Salman Rushdie.

  
You mean, "Salman Rushdie"?

  
Jesus. Whatever. Just come with me.
And thank you for your help, Edgar.

  
Get the door.

  
Come on. Keep up.

  
Take a seat.

  
All right. I am going to be as honest
with you as I can possibly be.

  
I cannot get you into the 401 K.

  
Oh, okay.

  
They are just barely
holding this place together, as it is.

  
I can't even get a haircut because of
the bullshit I'm tied into down here.

  
I thought this was a maintenance position.

  
Look this is the last favor
I'm doing for you guys upstairs.

  
Now if Lyle wants to come down here
and screw me over, let him do it to my face.

  
I am legally required to post this job
in the paper for two weeks.

  
And accept resumes from minorities
and the mentally handicapped.

  
Now, I will hire you.
But this is my last favor. The last one.

  
That's it. You got it?
Oh, Jesus Crap Christ. What now?

  
What the hell you doing, Kathleen?
Who gave you authorization to do this?

  
If you must know, Ken told me to
get someone to publicize the rental space.

  
- How much they paying you, dude?
- I don't know.

  
I'm just trying to bring some revenue
into the building to keep up

  
with the projections
that were set without my prior approval!

  
You know what, Kathleen?
I don't need any of your bullshit right now!

  
You get off my back!

  
So help me God,
I am going to roast you, woman.

  
- Just get out of here!
- Don't let her manipulate you, man!

  
- Okay.
- Eat my mother-loving shit!

  
Good one, Kathleen.
Got me on that one, didn't you?

  
All right. Fuck!

  
Are you ready to get started?

  
But what is the job?

  
All you have to do
is hand out flyers on the street.

  
It is eight... It is six dollars an hour.

  
And if you get someone to lease
office space, I will give you a two hundred...

  
I'll give you a hundred dollar bonus.
All right?

  
Okay. Now, get up and come here.

  
I have to work every other day.
And then half day on Friday.

  
- Is that all right?
- Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

  
We just need to establish a street presence
to get the word out.

  
- Do you suffocate?
- What?

  
In small spaces. Do you asphyxiate?

  
Are you...
Oh, you know, agorerotic or whatever?

  
- No.
- Good. Okay, just get your feet in here.

  
The head is really heavy
so we will start with the body.

  
- Wait. I'm going to wear this?
- Well, I'm sure as hell not going to wear it.

  
Look, we had a shitload of luck with this
thing at a company picnic a few years back.

  
It is not like you have to dance around.
You just hand out flyers.

  
Now get your foot in there, okay? Come on.

  
- I have to get my other shoe off.
- Well then, let us do it.

  
- Okay, other foot. That is it.
- Feels kind of weird.

  
Oh this thing is going to be hot.
You are not a diabetic, are you?

  
Come on!

  
Let us go, Kabluey!

  
Come on, you can do it.
Just follow the sound of my voice.

  
Listen to me clap. Hear that?
Just follow the clapping.

  
Let us go. One, two, three, four. Hey.
Whoa, whoa, Nellie, whoa. There we go.

  
- Where are we going?
- I'm going to take you out front.

  
You have to be out
where people can see you.

  
- Okay.
- Now, I'm going to

  
have to put you in the front of the car.
That suit is not going to fit in the back.

  
- Is that your dog?
- Yeah, that is my dog.

  
We will get to know each other on the drive.
Get into the car.

  
- Okay. You okay?
- Yeah.

  
All right, here we go.

  
Don't give any flyers to assholes
who don't look serious.

  
I don't want to be up all fricking night
Xeroxing a whole big bunch more.

  
Okay, here we go.

  
This is good. This is fine.

  
- Okay, got the door.
- Okay, but...

  
I have you, come on. It is real simple.

  
Here we go. Here we go.
Now, if it is too slow out here today,

  
- we will move you further out tomorrow.
- But...

  
Okay. Wait, you don't want to forget these.
No point in being out here

  
if you don't have these. Here you go.

  
- Okay, but...
- Okay.

  
- Here, just hang on to them.
- I don't have any hands.

  
Oh, for Christ sake!

  
There you go. There you go.
Now you are good. You are fine.

  
Okay. Now if you need me...
Oh shit! My dog is puking.

  
- Well, if you need me, just call me.
- I don't have a cell phone.

  
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  
- You need a ride back at the end of the day?
- Yes.

  
All right, I'll come back and get you. Jesus.

  
Bastards!

  
You Blunexion assholes!

  
You steal my practice! You ruined my life!

  
How could you do this to me?
Give me back my life savings!

  
Asshole!

  
Flyer. Flyer.

  
Hey! Hey! Hey!

  
Help!

  
What the hell is that?

  
What is that?

  
- What is up buddy, what are you doing?
- I'm working.

  
Are you guys interested in
renting some office space?

  
You are renting parts of this field
as office space?

  
Oh, no. No, no, it is...

  
It is a building down the road. I mean,
I don't know if you can see it from here.

  
God damn, this is trippy.

  
It is back over there,
and if you're interested, that would be great.

  
Hey, you hot in there, man?
It is like mad hot today.

  
- Yes.
- You want something to drink?

  
Oh sure. That would be great. Thanks.

  
Jay, give me one of those brews.

  
- Dude.
- That echoed.

  
Here, hold out your hands.

  
Here, hold on. There you go.
Squeeze it, man.

  
- Can you feel that?
- Yeah.

  
- Good luck, man.
- Okay.

  
- Good luck, bro.
- Thanks guys. See you later.

  
Bye. Thanks for the beer.
I will be here hanging out.

  
So, how was it?

  
What are they having you do?

  
Hey!

  
What the hell are you doing?

  
- How do you know it was him?
- How do I know it was him?

  
Who else would it be?

  
Oh, and you should have seen today.
He was totally checking me out again.

  
But he can't make a move, because
data streaming is a very small community.

  
And everybody would know.
But he was checking me out.

  
So I just went up to him,
"We should have lunch sometime."

  
Just like that. Totally casual.
You should have seen him.

  
Oh, he will call. He will. I know he will.

  
He is such a catch.
Oh my God, is that a deer?

  
So, it's like you live nearby.

  
And you could, like, get in your car
and drive to the office.

  
And you have some office space.
And then come in every day.

  
Office space for rent.

  
Are you alive?

  
What do we do?

  
You are going to be okay.

  
We can't call your mom. No, you are okay.

  
You know, it is not like he can ask me out
even if he totally wants to.

  
Which he does. Trust me.
You look kind of strange today.

  
Kind of greenish, are you okay?
Because I don't want to get sick.

  
Listen, can I ask you a question?

  
Are you a clown?

  
What? What do you mean? No.

  
But do you do children's parties?

  
I don't know.

  
Well, as you can see,
I have a bunch of kids who love you.

  
They will only let me drive them home
on this road just to see you.

  
Anyway, we are having a party
at our house this weekend.

  
So, I was wondering if you are available?

  
- Yeah. But I don't...
- $50.

  
- Oh, I mean...
- $75.

  
It's not that I... No, you don't have to.

  
$100. Final offer, okay?
The ponies are ridiculous.

  
You know what, let me get you my card.

  
Actually can you put it in my hand?
My real hand.

  
Oh, really? Okay.

  
- Thanks.
- Call me. If you are not interested.

  
- In fact call me, either way, will you?
- Sure.

  
- Hey, sorry do you know what time it is?
- 6:27.

  
Really? Because my ride
was supposed to be here at 5:45.

  
- Talk to you soon.
- Okay. Bye.

  
Hello? Hello!

  
Hello?

  
Great.

  
Hello?

  
- What was that?
- I don't know.

  
Hello?

  
Coalition forces there
have recovered two bodies.

  
We are going now to APN's Leslie Newton

  
who has covered this story in Baghdad.

  
And Leslie, could you describe
the scale of the search

  
for these two men
over the last several days?

  
About eight thousand American forces,
as well as Iraqi security forces

  
are involved in this huge effort

  
to try and find the men from there, about
fifteen minutes after the attack took place.

  
I am going to kill you.

  
And now, Leslie, we are told
their bodies have been located.

  
Which leaves us with many questions.

  
Some of which you may be
able to answer today.

  
And some of which you may not.
Who took them?

  
How were they treated? Were they tortured?

  
What condition were they in
when they were found?

  
Where are the bodies now? And have
the families of the soldiers been notified?

  
- I want ice cream!
- You have had enough sugar today.

  
No I haven't!

  
Whoa.

  
Would you like to try
our delicious new fat free Gouda?

  
Would you like to try
our delicious new fat free Gouda?

  
Yeah!

  
Listen, will you run in there and get some
plastic wrap and sandwich bags?

  
Okay. What are you guys going to do?

  
- We are going to get our faces painted.
- Okay, over there?

  
- Yeah.
- All right. I'll go in, buy the stuff

  
and meet you back right there
in two minutes.

  
I'll be right back.

  
All right, come on you guys, let us go.

  
All right, don't step in it.

  
Sandwich... Sandwich... Sandwich bags.

  
Oh, excuse me. Could you reach
a few boxes of that tin foil for me?

  
Yes. Here you go.

  
Thank you very much.

  
Hi.

  
That will be $8.09.

  
I don't have any money with me.

  
Can I just run outside,
and I'll be right back?

  
You want to just take it?

  
What? No.

  
It is okay, our inventory system
is totally screwed up.

  
- No.
- Hey, you want some watermelon?

  
Not that bruised. Pretty tasty.

  
No. I'll just... My sister-in-law...
I'll be right back.

  
And where do you think you are going?
Get your butt back out there.

  
Oh, you think that is funny?

  
Okay then, why don't you take second shift
inside Mr. Fromage?

  
What? Oh, come on Frank. No!

  
Hey, I need some money for the stuff.

  
It is in my purse, behind me.

  
Wait.

  
Here.

  
Okay. Thanks. I'll be right back.

  
God damn. Well, what in the hell
is the service pump?

  
- Hey, Kathleen?
- What?

  
Oh, it is you. What do you want?

  
Are you working today?
Crap, I didn't make any new flyers.

  
I'll tell you what, just go out anyway.
Just make yourself known.

  
Do you know anything about electricity?

  
Actually, I'm not working today.

  
I just wanted to know
if I could borrow the suit for a few hours.

  
Borrow the what?

  
Sorry!

  
Jesus Christ, relax, bitch.

  
Now what did you say?
Can you borrow the what?

  
The suit. I want to borrow it, briefly.

  
- For what?
- Well there is this party.

  
And this woman will pay me to be there
and entertain, in the suit.

  
You are not going to get jizz on it, are you?

  
What? Oh, no.

  
Is this one of those plushy things?
Because I don't know about that.

  
I mean, unless you want to pay
for the dry cleaning. No. Even then, no.

  
No, it is just a kid's birthday party.
I'll just be there for like an hour.

  
I could use the money. And I just thought
I'd ask before I took the suit.

  
- Just bring it back in one piece.
- Okay.

  
- And clean... Bring it back clean.
- Okay.

  
Clean.

  
Shit.

  
Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realize
this was a changing room.

  
Oh. Hello.

  
- Are you working here?
- Today I am. We are catering this.

  
- What are you doing?
- I'm the entertainment for the kids.

  
Just like John Wayne Gacy.

  
No, I'm just getting paid
to be here for the party.

  
Look, can you do my zipper
and help me with the head?

  
I can't get in and out of this thing by myself.

  
All right everybody, I have a big surprise.
Have a seat. Have a seat.

  
Are you ready? Ready? Here we go.

  
Yay!

  
Come on, let us take this outside.

  
And my dad, he is on a boat
and he went to the desert.

  
And there are tanks.
And he can blow up stuff if he wants to.

  
He can do stuff,
like he can blow up cactuses.

  
Hey! A pony!

  
I heard about the accident.

  
No, I didn't invite them.

  
Apparently, the neighbors
have some sort of restraining order.

  
No, it is a lovely party, really.

  
I just have to get ahold of my locations.

  
Great work.
Can you stay until after the ponies go?

  
Here, have a piece of cake.
And don't let me forget to pay you.

  
Boo-freaking-hoo, I feel so sorry for you
because you have eight zillion dollars

  
and your company went under.

  
I mean, I'm just not that sympathetic to him.

  
I'm good. I'm better. I have been running.

  
Like twenty five miles a day.
I can probably do a triathlon.

  
Believe me, I heard it firsthand.

  
Well, you know, I know it for a fact.

  
He has been gone forever,
these things happen.

  
That poor guy.
When does he come home from Iraq?

  
Well, it was supposed to be
a few months ago.

  
But you know,
they extended everybody over there.

  
I saw that graph in USA Today.

  
- Oh yeah.
- So terrible.

  
Do you think he has any idea?

  
Tell me, tell me...

  
What I heard was that they have probably
been together the whole time.

  
Even before he left.

  
Liz says she is going to leave him for Brad,
her boss. Can you believe that?

  
If she was smart she would leave him
before what's-his-name gets back from Iran.

  
- Iraq.
- Oh, whatever.

  
- And they have two kids, right?
- Yes.

  
- Oh, Rita! Hi! How are you?
- Oh, my God.

  
She just turned to him and said,
"I want out of the marriage."

  
I just don't enjoy myself anymore,
you know?

  
I can't even answer the phone.
I just sit there in the darkness.

  
- I need a drink.
- Okay.

  
What do I do?

  
Nice seeing you guys. Bye-bye, buddy.
Jamie. Good to see you.

  
- I wonder where their mother is?
- Oh, where do you think?

  
Are you going to drive them home?

  
Please. I'm sure John will, eventually.

  
You think I can call them a cab?

  
- Is that inappropriate?
- Oh my gosh, a key.

  
- You are so bad.
- No, me? Please.

  
I mean seriously. Don't they have a nanny
or an au pair living with them?

  
Oh yeah, but have you seen him?
He is totally bizarre.

  
I can't handle it.

  
You have to hire good help.

  
- It is all about good help.
- Poor kids.

  
Damn it.

  
- Hi.
- Hi.

  
Come in.

  
You were inside there?

  
Yes.

  
That thing was you?

  
- Okay now, are you guys ready to go home?
- Yes.

  
Oh, hi. I'm here to pick up
Cameron and Lincoln.

  
- And you are?
- Their uncle.

  
Right. Well, I don't know where they are.

  
- Oh, here they are now.
- Here you go.

  
- Coincidence.
- The head didn't fit in the trunk.

  
- So I just stuffed it under the seat.
- Okay.

  
Okay. So, thanks. That is all. Thank you.

  
Oh. And also, Barbara,
the woman with the thing.

  
She thinks that you have gained
a lot of weight.

  
But I think that, that is just because
she was talking to Nancy.

  
Who says that Jane is sleeping
with your husband.

  
And you don't know about it. Okay, thanks.

  
What?

  
- Hi, Leslie.
- Hi.

  
Oh... Oh, the party is over.

  
I know, I'm sorry. How are you? Hi.

  
- Hi, Leslie. How are you?
- Good.

  
So, I just came to get the kids.
Are they playing?

  
Oh, no, no. They are gone.

  
- That Salamander...
- Salman.

  
Whatever his name is.
He came to pick them up.

  
I thought you knew.

  
I thought you knew.

  
No, I did. I did. I just wasn't sure.

  
All right. Well do you want to stay
and have a glass of wine or chai?

  
I have to get going.

  
But thanks anyway.

  
- Say hi to Harold for me, Beth, okay?
- I will.

  
- Bye, Betty. Thanks a lot.
- Rain check, okay.

  
- Okay. Bye.
- Bye.

  
Okay. The fire engine light is on.

  
And let us see,
we have the curtains half way open.

  
The teeth are mostly brushed.

  
And your story book is right here.

  
I'm not going to read it.
Your mom will do that when she gets here.

  
I think that is it. So we are ready for bed.
Time for bed.

  
What are you doing? What is going on?

  
- We have a question.
- Okay. What is it?

  
Can you fly?

  
No.

  
Well, can you shoot lasers out of your eyes?

  
What? No.

  
Melt him. Melt him with your eyes.
Quick before Mommy gets home.

  
Hey, hey. Hey. No.

  
I'm not a bad guy.

  
I'm for good. I'm a good guy.

  
You are here to protect us?

  
Yes.

  
And mom?

  
Yes. For now.

  
Here, read us our story.

  
Okay.

  
- No, you.
- Let's cover you up here.

  
Hello? Salman? Hello?

  
Oh, there they are. Okay.

  
- Peppie tonight?
- No, no. Here we go, let us put him in there.

  
I got to the party a little late
to pick them up.

  
And they were gone.

  
- No, I got them.
- Well, I figured.

  
- Yeah.
- Thanks.

  
- Okay, here you go.
- You go to bed.

  
I'm going to go to bed.

  
Do you have their book? The story book?

  
Yeah. We did that.

  
Okay, okay. Good night. Good night.

  
- You.
- Okay, you go to sleep.

  
And this goes right here.

  
Okay. Now, which night light?

  
Anubis, Egyptian jackal god,
or melted football shape?

  
- Melted football shape.
- Egyptian.

  
Yeah so, they are asleep now.

  
And you know I have Wednesday off.
So I thought maybe

  
I could take them to the zoo. On Wednesday.

  
I think they would like that.

  
When are you leaving?

  
What do you mean?

  
Well, you must have enough money
for a bus ticket now.

  
But Noah doesn't get home
for another four months.

  
And?

  
Well, I thought you said
you couldn't afford the day care?

  
I think I can probably manage it now.
My boss gave me a raise.

  
Well, I don't mind staying.

  
It is up to you, I guess.

  
Her? That whore can piss off!
I don't know who she thinks she is.

  
Feeding me all that bullshit every day.

  
Oh yeah, she is going to sleep with him.
And then he won't call her.

  
And who is going to have to
hear about it every day?

  
That bitch. I'm really tired of her
yakking all the time.

  
Why would I care? I don't know her.

  
She just yaps all the time
about how wonderful she is.

  
And about how great this guy is.

  
Anyway, what is going on with you?

  
Did you get that thing burnt off your head?

  
Oh, wow. What is this?

  
Hey.

  
Hi. Are you selling fireworks or something?

  
- Berries?
- I work for Blunexion.

  
We are renting out office space.

  
Oh. I see.

  
- Come on. Let us go.
- Hey, this guy works for your company.

  
Yeah. A shit-load of good he does us.
Come on, let us go.

  
Well, very nice to meet you.

  
What the hell is that?

  
Jesus, those flyers don't grow on trees.
Pull it together, huh?

  
So anyway, have a nice day.

  
Hey!

  
Hey, what is going on?

  
I will be right back.

  
Hi.

  
I'm ready.

  
Say cheese, assholes!

  
Come here, you!

  
Stop it!

  
Stop it!

  
Ha! I didn't feel that at all!

  
Stop it!

  
Whoa! You! You get away from her!

  
You paged me?

  
Leslie, call the police.
We are being attacked.

  
By cheese! And that blue thing
is trying to kill us.

  
Look at these Polaroids.

  
He is sleeping with her.

  
They were about... Look at this photo.
He was about to have sex with her.

  
Right before we got here.
He is having an affair with her.

  
He is having an affair with both of you.

  
He is a bad guy.
You can't leave Noah for him.

  
What are you doing?
They have two kids at home.

  
He is sleeping with her too.

  
He is sleeping with both of you.

  
You can't leave Noah.

  
You stay the hell away from her!

  
What is going on here?

  
No.

  
- I love your brother.
- Okay.

  
- I wasn't in love with...
- Yeah. That is okay. It is okay.

  
- Okay. I wasn't going to leave Noah.
- Yeah. It is okay. I believe you.

  
I wasn't expecting this.

  
That Noah would just go away.
I mean, I knew it could happen.

  
Abstractly, I knew it could happen.
I didn't think it would actually happen.

  
That I would be this war bride.

  
I mean, and then he was just gone.
Just gone.

  
And Brad... And I just...

  
A year and a half is a really long time.

  
- Mommy.
- Yeah?

  
- The lizard is gone.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

  
I love your brother. I do. I do.

  
- Yeah, I know.
- I do.

  
I believe you.

  
Cameron, what did we say
about the hammer?

  
- It is my fault. I gave it to him.
- Oh.

  
- Do you want me take it away?
- Probably not a great toy.

  
- Okay. Sorry.
- It is all right, thank you.

  
Is that too tight? Okay.

  
Okay. Go get your coats on.
Get your coats, we have to go.

  
Hey, guys cut it out!

  
Cameron, help your brother up
and apologize.

  
And?

  
Sorry, friends forever.

  
Let go. Stop hugging me.

  
I thought we were going to pick him up?

  
It is okay.

  
Okay, go on. It is okay. That is your dad.

  
It is okay. Go on.