Life Or Something Like It
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Life Or Something Like It
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Angelina Jolie and
Ed Burns movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Life Or Something Like It. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Things happen.
Things you never see coming.
And you think afterward,
"If I'd known this,
"would I have changed things?
"Would I have done more?
What would I be thinking?"
I need more time.
Hey, Pudge.
Stand by. Take - . Cue.
Standing by. Over the shoulder to - .
Yes, I know. They won't let you in.
They never want to let us in.
Just get in there as soon as possible.
Today, we got a few high clouds around,
but they will dissipate--
Fishing is synonymous with Seattle--
Lanie Kerrigan reporting from the Capitol Hill Zoo.
I'm here at the chimpanzee habitat,
where this morning
a local boy was rescued by this gallant--
Vin!
I cannot work with that thing.
Relax, Lanie, it's all right.
It's just a chimpanzee.
He's naturally attracted to large yellow objects.
You're late.
I'm not late, you're early.
I ate cheese.
Tomorrow on Pressline,
Deborah Connors' intimate talk
with former president Bill Clinton.
I wouldn't have, you know...
put my family through the, uh...
public pain that I put them through.
Would you like a tissue?
She always makes them cry.
Do you think Deborah Connors eats cheese?
And so, as another Mariners season ends
and the retractable roof at Safeco Field
closes until next spring, the fans will once again
have to be comforted by a familiar phrase:
"We'll get 'em next year."
I'm Lanie Kerrigan, and that's Seattle Life.
Thanks, Lanie.
That does it for us.
That's Prime News--
Stand by to spin music. Spin music.
Stand by to insert copyright.
Insert.
Stand by to dissolve .
Dissolve.
That's a wrap.
Good show,James.
- Edit . - Yeah.
Something's come up at the network.
They're looking for somebody new
onA.M. USA.
They're looking for...
a young, fresh face, someone who appeals
to that - demographic.
They're asking all the affiliates
to send in tapes.
I'm going to send in yours.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
The phone's been ringing, Dennis.
Thanks, Mo.
Have a seat.
Are you sure?
Absolutely. I never had a question.
What aboutAndrea?
She has been here longer.
Lanie, some people are just local.
That's all they're ever going to be.
You really have a chance at this.
Oh, my God.
But don't get your hopes up.
OK.
They're looking at hundreds of people.
OK.
The process could take months,
but in the meantime there is plenty
that you could learn around here.
Absolutely.
Like what?
Like camera.
Camera doesn't matter.
It matters.
I want you back with Pete.
No.
Look, Lanie, he is the best.
I can't work with him.
Look, I don't know what happened
between the of you--
- Nothing happened. - Whatever!
Do you want this job or don't you?
Do you want to go network or don't you?
Pete is network.
He worked for years in New York on nightly news.
You turn the camera on, you point it at the news.
What is the big deal?
Lanie, would you do me a favor just one time?
Do what I say.
So I'll ask a few questions.
Just relax, and I'll be back in .
Ready? OK.
OK, I've got kids for interviews,
and the manager said we could have seconds of show footage.
Oh, hey, Pete. How are you?
You know, it's really good to see you again.
I've missed you. You know, Lanie,
thanks a lot for asking.
It's nice to see you, too.
Under the circumstances, I think it would be best
if we kept things on a purely professional level.
Define "the circumstances."
We have to work together.
We don't have to like it.
You know, it wouldn't kill you,
to have some fun.
I have fun.
No, no, no. You see, it's not fun
if you have to pencil it in.
Oh, I can't be spontaneous? You don't know me.
I know that you're up for a job at A.M. U SA,
and I know that that fits perfectly
with your little -year plan, doesn't it?
I don't have a plan.
Yes, you do.
You carefully construct
every moment of your life
to project the right image.
No, I don't.
Uh, yeah, actually, Lanie, you do.
All right.
This is what we're going to do here.
All right? We're going to start on the sign,
I'm going to work my way through the crowd
and then end up on you.
Well, I like the last part.
The "you" part?
Yes, well, I am the one telling the story.
Have you ever heard the expression,
a picture is worth a thousand words?
That's just for people like you
who don't know a thousand words.
Hey, well, I know
and the first one begins with an "F."
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
We got a story to do here.
All right?
Ahem.
Thank you, Lanie.
Give me that microphone.
Mm-hmm.
OK. Ready?
Yeah.
It's not a toy.
Thank you.
All right. Everybody ready?
Oh, yeah.
All right, yeah, we got speed.
OK, Lanie,
whenever you're ready, we got speed.
I'm Lanie Kerrigan,
in front of Giggles Comedy Club--
Why don't you take over?
Are you serious?
Knock yourself out.
Ha ha ha. All right!
How you doing, Seattle? How you doing?
You happy?
Define happiness.
Your death.
She wants me.
Oh, man, you're in trouble.
He is completely unprofessional.
He turned my piece into a joke.
It was about a comedy club.
I can't work with him.
Look, from what I understand,
the piece is fantastic,
and you look great.
Well, isn't that why you asked for me?
I didn't ask for you.
It doesn't matter whether she asked
for you or not.
Do you have another cameraman on this staff
who can make her look like a natural blonde?
Do you see what I have to put up with, Dennis?
I am not just a reporter.
I am a TV personality.
My hair is my trademark.
Just like the l-don't-like-to-shower look
is your trademark.
Lanie, enough.
Pete, enough out of you, too.
- Dennis. - What?
They're ready for you in edit .
Thanks, Mo. I'll be there in a minute.
Dennis--
Look, now I want you two
to stay in this room till I get back,
and then we'll discuss your next story.
In the meantime, stop acting like children
and find out a way to get along.
So, uh, how's Cal?
Fine.
How's bachelorette number ?
You know, for someone who supposedly hates me,
you take a healthy interest in my love life, don't you?
Ohh, the words "healthy" and your"love life"
do not belong in the same sentence.
You trying to live vicariously maybe?
I mean, God knows your fiancé's never around,
so maybe that's it.
You don't bother me.
You can't.
Because no matter how you'd like to define it,
I can honestly say at this moment,
my life is perfect.
Define perfection.
I'll define perfection. Great job, great friends--
Thank you.
Great man, great apartment.
Great hair, great body.
- Thank you. - Uh-huh.
Great new job opportunity.
Yep. Dennis told me.
And don't worry about me, I'm fine.
I'm happy for you.
- Really? - Really.
That's so nice. I love you.
I love you, too.
I love your earrings.
Thank you. You gave them to me.
- Oh.
Anyway, Pete's a dick.
He's arrogant and rude--
He's a malcontented--
Anti-socialjuvenile.
Who's overrated and overpaid.
He has no manners.
He has no idea how to treat a lady.
But he's good in bed.
What? You slept with Pete.
- I did. - Yeah?
Yeah.
He has a kind of-- kind of quirky,
sort of loner appeal, don't you think?
No, I mean, I don't. l-- You know, but you--
That's great. So you're seeing Pete now?
No, no, of course not.
Actually, I have my eye on our new sportscaster...
Rick.
Hmm. That's great.
You're not mad about Pete?
Pete? I don't care who Pete sleeps with.
He sleeps with everybody.
The will be obstructed
by a -car accident late this afternoon.
Thanks, man.
My pleasure.
Highway will be obstructed
by a -car accident late this afternoon.
Continued turmoil
in the technology sector all next week.
Prophet Jack.
Jack, how are you?
Remember me?
What is he doing?
I don't know. And I think he knows him.
Yeah, he would.
I'm glad you dressed for the occasion.
Doing a story on a homeless guy,
and you wear a designer suit.
Don't be a wanker, Pete.
How exactly do you know this person?
Overheard him yelling about
a couple of stock tips, made a little coin.
Ah, and still, you couldn't afford a haircut.
Jack? Hello?
Hi.
Lanie Kerrigan.
Listen, l--
I don't really believe all this stuff,
but I'm up for this really big job,
a job I've been dreaming of my whole life,
and I was just wondering, you know,
what do you-- what do you see?
Am I going to get it?
No.
All right, Lanie, we got speed.
Tonight at : the Seahawks and Broncos.
Who's going to win? One man knows.
Let's see if he's telling.
Prophet Jack, noted street savant,
and a little local flavor
in a town that could use a little more.
Jack, what's with the crate?
I come from a long line of prophets.
Anchorites.
My pedestal elevates me closer
to the voice of God,
allowing me to heal the huddled masses
with my visions.
Why is it always the huddled masses?
Do we huddle?
Well, I'll tell you who does.
The Seattle Seahawks.
Nice segue.
Jack, tonight the Hawks are on a special
Thursday-night edition of football,
and they're playing the - Broncos.
Tell us,Jack, is it finally Denver's year,
or are the Hawks going to open up
a big old can of butt whupping?
The Seahawks will win, - .
Yeah? Well, don't be joking now,Jack.
You'll break our little hearts.
Prophets don't joke.
OK. Any other hot tips?
Tomorrow morning, it's going to hail.
Well, the local meteorologist said
we'll have more blue skies tomorrow.
You-- You sure you don't want
to tweak that frequency a little,Jack?
How old are you now? Maybe you're not, you know,
hearing the old voice of God so good anymore, hmm?
I hear it. I hear it loud and clear.
OK, well, you heard him, folks.
The Seahawks are going to win,
and tomorrow, it's going to hail.
And next Thursday, you're going to die.
I'm sorry.
I didn't ask for the power.
If I find out you were up to this,
I will never speak to you as long as I live.
Yeah, and that would be what? About a week or so?
Tonight, Seahawks over the Broncos by .
Take the points.
He said the Seahawks
were going to win, -
that tomorrow, it's going to hail,
and next Thursday, I'm going to die.
The Seahawks are going to win?
Andrea, focus.
- OK? Please.
Sweetie, the guy was crazy.
Don't worry about it.
I'm sure Pete put him up to the whole thing.
Miss Kerrigan, Miss Fox.
Hi. We're just, uh, here for drinks.
Good to see you both again.
Thank you.
Enjoy your evening.
- Hi. - Hi.
So what's the score?
Seahawks are up, - .
?
What is that? What is that?
Is that touchdowns, a field goal, and a safety?
touchdowns, missed extra points.
Huh.
Huge one here. Third and .
Broncos just haven't been able
to step up and make that crucial play.
Blitz coming.
Touchdown!
Yes!
Yes! Oh!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Whoo!
We just lost.
I know, but it was such a good pass.
Wait, wait, they're contesting it.
We have a challenge to that last play
when McCaffrey caught the ball on the sideline.
We saw the replay already,
and the call on the field was for a catch, so--
What happened?
I think the receiver
might have stepped out of bounds.
...really good visual evidence to overturn it.
Upon further review of the play,
the Denver receiver stepped out of bounds.
Take a deep breath.
And another deep breath.
You hear something weird.
Like what?
Like something that might give me
a heart attack by next Thursday.
Lanie, you eat nothing but lettuce.
You'll die of starvation
before you die of a heart attack.
Maybe it's high blood pressure,
or something more serious.
Do you get headaches?
No.
Vision problems?
No.
Maybe I should get an M.R.I.?
Lanie, your blood pressure's fine,
your lungs are clear,
no lumps in your breasts.
You may be the single healthiest person in Seattle.
Yeah.
- Did you do it? - No.
- Did you do it? - No.
Pete.
Lanie, I didn't do it, all right?
Honestly,
I don't put that much thought into you.
Oh, well, I wouldn't want you
to put too much thought into anything, Pete.
You might hurt yourself.
Look, I can understand
why you might be upset about this.
If I found out I had a week left to live
and realized that my entire life was
a meaningless quest for the approval of others,
I'd be upset, too.
My life is not meaningless.
Unlike yours, a hedonistic free-for-all,
an empty succession
of banal sexual, physical encounters...
whatever you call it.
There's nothing banal about any--
Yeah? Well, that's not whatAndrea said.
Why don't you just get a room already?
Well, speaking of meaningless,
what are we doing here again?
Pumpkins.
Pumpkins shaped like famous people.
Is that their heads,
or does that include the entire body?
Is that funny?
It's supposed to be. An attempt at humor.
If you owned a dictionary,
you would look that word up under"H."
You know, Pete, if you had less than a week to live,
I don't think you'd be so funny, OK?
Lanie, he's a homeless guy, OK?
He lives in a cardboard box
in an alley on Fourth and Sanders.
All right? He's just some crazy nut
who had a bad case of logorrhea.
Define logorrhea.
Logorrhea, it's diarrhea of the mouth.
You know, he goes on and on about things.
Usually, it's sports and weather,
and sometimes he's right,
and sometimes he's wrong.
When it comes to matters of life and death,
it's a little out of his league.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Hi, Daddy. Happy birthday.
Hi, dear. Thank you.
It's made by Bose.
It's the best sound quality in the world.
Thank you, Gwen.
Did, uh, you bring a gift, Pudge?
Yes, I did.
Of course I did.
Mariners season tickets. Wow.
Yeah, just like last year.
Why did you say
the kids couldn't come again?
Well, Conrad's soccer team
is playing in the division championship tomorrow,
and of course, Chloe has rehearsal--
international children's orchestra.
I'm up for a job at A.M. USA.
- Oh, really. - Yeah.
Is that still on?
Yes.
Well, Lanie, the man has worked the a.m. shift
at the plant for years.
I guess you could give him a break, huh?
How's Cal?
He's fine. He's in New York.
In the off-season?
He's doing a commercial.
I like Cal. He's a good kid.
I think the Ms are going to have
a good year next year.
Dad, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
More cake, Dad?
Just like Mom used to make.
Maybe Lanie wants it.
No, I have to go, actually.
Oh-- Have some cake.
Dad, don't tempt her.
Happy birthday, Dad.
Thank you.
Yeah? Hello?
Cal, it's Lanie.
Is something wrong?
Uh, no, nothing's wrong.
Well, then why are you calling me?
Because you're my fiancé.
Babe, it's late,
I don't really feel like phone sex tonight.
I know, Cal. I just, um--
Listen, I've had a...
bizarre little evening,
and I just--
I just want to ask you something.
Um...
what would you do if you found out
I was going to die in, like, a week?
Hello?
Are you on your period?
No, I'm not on my period.
I met a homeless guy, and he had a vision.
Yeah, like ESPN?
No, he had ESP. There's no "N," honey.
I know that, Lanie, but you know what?
It's late, sweetie, and I got to get up early.
And there's no such thing as ESP.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You're right. You're right.
I just don't understand what the problem is.
OK, well, have a--
You know, a good day tomorrow.
Thanks.
- OK. Night night. - Bye.
Oh, that was helpful.
Jack?
Jack?
Jack?
Psst.
Jack?
Jack!
Psst.Jack?
Aah! God!
He's still waiting
for the spaceship to come back.
Hi. Do you remember me?
No.
I'm much too psychotic to remember something
from as far back as yesterday.
I brought you something.
Fortified strawberry wine.
June .
Good month.
W-What would you rather have, then?
A down jacket...
gor-tex boots...
a nice house in the Florida Keys.
What did Pete pay you?
Because I am willing to pay you
twice what he paid you to tell me the truth.
Up to bargaining already.
Not following.
Anger, denial, bargaining,
depression, acceptance.
The stages of death.
You're going pretty quick,
but you only have a week
to get through 'em all.
Have you ever been wrong?
I don't think so.
Can't be sure.
Don't have a television or radio.
Right. So th--
OK.
So, the truth is,
you really have no idea.
I mean, at all, right?
Like, you could be, like, a . hitter,
and, you know, you don't want anybody to know that
because then they wouldn't put money
in your little cup, right?
What do you want from me?!
Don't you think I'd rather see
the lotto numbers?
I don't have any choice over what I see.
The images are random.
For some reason, I saw something about you.
I see and I say.
Now, if you could prove me wrong,
if you could prove that I'm wrong,
even one time...
then, great, I'm-- I'm not a prophet.
I'm a normal guy
who has a hunch once in a while,
and I can go and find a nice cozy bed
and live my life in peace.
OK, it's-- it's a deal.
I will prove you wrong,
and you will take away the death sentence thing.
You're back to bargaining.
Mm-hmm, come. Give me another prediction.
Let's do it. Come on.
Come on.
I see, I say, you pay.
OK.
I can do this.
Well, um--
Oh.
Nuclear arsenal--
Come on!
Used computers... aboriginal--
Uhh!
- OK? - I got it.
OK, tomorrow morning...
there'll be a relatively significant earthquake
in San Francisco.
Yeah?
What time?
Specific times cost more.
: a.m.
Now I need my beauty sleep.
You watch your step as you're leaving.
OK.
Bye.
Ow! God!
So, you... saw that coming, did you?
No. I trip in that crack all the time.
Good night.
The new diet craze.
You can shed unwanted pounds in just days.
We'll put the meal plan to the test.
Good morning, I'm Jake Manning.
And I'm Lori Ruben.
Good Saturday morning to you.
Brad and Sarah are off this morning.
We're glad you're with us today.
We're going to have some fun this morning
highlighting some of the events
going on around town today.
There's a classic car show
going on at the stadium exhibition center.
And it's Octoberfest weekend.
This is a great family event
with plenty of food and music
and, yes, even some beer.
Have you ever doubted yourself?
Probably when l--
And the forecast. Sam?
I'd say a pretty typical Seattle day around here,
and that means you get a couple of sun breaks,
you get a couple of showers,
and you're dodging it no matter what--
That's it.
They would've cut in by now.
He was wrong.
Yes!
Oh, God, I knew it!
You're a genius.
We have reports just coming in
from San Francisco
that an earthquake hit at : this morning,
but there was no damage reported.
The . measure on the Richter scale
makes it only a relatively significant quake.
We'll bring you more details as we get them,
and we'll also have a live report
at the top of the hour.
And coming up next,
highlights from last night's sports action
and the national weather picture.
All that when we return.
Oh--
I'm gonna die.
I'm gonna die.
I mean, what is that?
Somebody tells me I'm gonna die in a week,
and my life that seemed so perfect
just last Wednesday, now...
seems like some big, greasy sugar doughnut.
All right. Well, uh,
define doughnut.
Why do I talk to you?
No, no, Lanie, I'm being serious here.
You mean, like, your life
has a big hole in the middle?
Like you're missing something?
Pete, I'm gonna die in a week.
- Lanie-- - In a week.
You are not going to die, OK?
You don't know that.
Yes, I do, because, actually,
it's supposed to be less than a week.
And that's if it was true, which it's not.
And if it is, then what, hmm?
You tell me, 'cause you always seem so happy.
You're so content with yourself.
And look at this place.
You have nothing.
I mean, nothing anybody would want,
and you're happy.
Hey, you know, just relax, all right?
Can you do that?
Yes.
All right, then try breathing.
Take a deep breath.
No, I'm serious. Take a deep breath in.
- That feel better? - Mm-hmm.
Try another one.
See, that feels good, doesn't it?
Oh, my God,
you're trying to have sex with me.
I am not trying to have sex with you.
Because I was drunk that time.
And what time was that?
Uh, the time that we had sex...
in that bedroom?
Oh, oh. Yeah, that then.
I know we haven't talked about it
for the last few months,
but I think we both know it was a big mistake...
the moment we woke up.
Yeah, and then had sex again.
I'm marrying Cal.
I know that's hard for you to accept.
And even though I may be
very vulnerable right now,
I think it would be a very bad idea
for us to have sex
and for you to get your hopes up again.
I appreciate that, but, Lanie, just so you know,
you are the single most delusional, self-involved,
self-absorbed, egocentricwoman
I have ever met.
- Uh-huh. - Uh-huh.
Hmm. Let's have sex.
Look, I don't want to have sex with you.
Oh, and if you had a week to live, what would you do?
I would, you know-- I'd have sex with you.
See--
Look, you know what? I don't know.
If I was gonna die in a week,
I would-- I'd try and live every moment.
I would go to see the people
that mean the most to me,
and I would try and memorize their face.
And I would say to them all the things
that I wanted to say,
but have always been too afraid to.
Like what?
Shouldn't you be talkin' to Everybody's All-American
about this?
He's not home,
and he's not much for talking.
Oh, but you want to marry him?
I don't know. I have a week to live.
Does it matter?
Lanie, all right, give it up already.
You're not gonna die.
How do you know?
Because you're in charge, Lanie, all right?
You run your life.
You make your own fate, and you make your own luck.
Let's just say that Prophet Jack was right
in one version of the universe.
OK, maybe he tapped into some wavelength
where in this version of your life,
you do in fact die next Thursday.
OK-- OK.
All right, but maybe if you change the path--
you know, change the path you're currently on--
the outcome is gonna be different.
But I've worked so hard on this one.
Well, you know what? Maybe that's your problem.
- Maybe what you-- - l--
You know, I think it's-- l--
Where are you going? Where you going?
I thought we were gonna have sex.
No running by the pool.
Can I talk to you?
To me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's have a seat.
So, did you get that job you wanted?
I don't know yet.
OK, well, keep me informed.
OK.
Gwen, does your life have meaning?
What?
Does your life have meaning?
Because I've been thinking about life
and what's meaningful,
and I keep thinking about Mom,
and ever since she died,
how me and you and Dad, you know,
we don't seem to be real normal.
And maybe we're trying to be something...
that we're not.
Does that make sense to you?
So, I'm not normal?
- No-- - I am normal.
My kids are normal.
- Gwen-- - Yes,
Jerry is in A.A.
Yes, he's been dealing with his sex addiction,
but we're getting through that.
I'm so sorry. Jerry's sex addicted?
Don't act like you didn't know.
Must be nice for you...
having a famous baseball player
as a boyfriend,
getting all the attention,
just like you always did when we were little.
Me getting all the attention?
Yeah.
But some of us
have real life to deal with, Lanie.
Oh, real life.
Real life in your really big mansion
with your really perfect kids
and being a perfect wife?
What do you want from me, Lanie?
You want me to tell you all the problems
in my life, so you'll feel better about yours?
It's not gonna happen.
And you wanna know if I'm happy.
I am.
I'm happy.
Everything's just peachy here in wonderland.
- Gwen? - Lanie...
you're on TV.
You should recognize a good exit line
when you hear one.
Hey.
What are you doing?
What?
We get a cat?
What?
- Oh--
I haven't listened to that for years.
What are you doin' here?
You just takin' a trip down Memory Lanie?
So, seriously, where you at?
Right there.
That's not you.
Um, is something wrong?
Well, yeah, Lanie, something's wrong.
You know, l-I mean, I've been gone for a week,
and I come home, and you're all...
filmy.
- Filmy? - Yeah. I mean,
what, you just-- you didn't take a shower today?
No, I didn't.
I woke up, and I thought,
the heck with it.
- It's Sunday. - And you're smokin'--
Yeah, I'm smoking. Oreo?
No, thank you. And what do you--
Why do you have the-the glasses on?
Because I wear glasses,
and I didn't put my contacts in.
Surprise.
Well, they have laser surgery.
Now you can get the whole thing done.
Hmm. Yeah.
Are we in love?
I mean...
what is it?
What, Lanie? What is what?
What is it that connects us?
Humor me, OK?
It's been a bad few days.
Yeah, obviously.
I mean, what is it that's going
to keep us together for or or years?
Well, you got a great ass.
And you're pretty funny...
you know, and there's--
Oh, no, that's... enough.
I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that.
Well--
What is it about our beliefs,
our-our dreams,
- our values-- - l-I don't--
This-This is not a good idea, OK?
What is not a good idea?
Having the "us" conversation, Lanie.
But why?
Because it's giving me a headache, OK?
And, you know, this is the thing
that I loved about us, baby,
is that we don't have to talk like this.
I got it.
I got it.
I want you to go somewhere with me.
But stay there. I'll be right back.
- Thanks a lot, George. - Anytime, Coop.
Appreciate it, man.
All right, you ready?
This had better be going somewhere.
Just trust me.
OK.
All right, here it comes.
That's a nice cut, though, right there.
Here we go. One more.
Watch the ball into the bat. Just swing right through it.
Just stay loose up top.
- OK? - OK.
- Ready? - Right with you.
That's it, right there!
- OK. - OK.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
All right, here we go.
All right, honey, lay it on me.
There it is, lay it on me.
What is it?
What?
It's some kind of metaphor, right?
You want us to step up to the plate
or come out swinging or--
Actually, I was just thinking
when I start talkin' nonsense,
it helps if I just come out here
and pound the shit out of the ball.
You know? minutes of this,
and you kinda forget what you were worried about
in the first place.
Your cure for my emotional crisis
is batting practice?
Is that right?
What do you-- What-What is this?
Is this you breaking up with me?
'Cause, you know, they're pretty much lined up behind you, Lanie.
You might wanna take a minute and reconsider.
A minute seems like a really long time to waste.
Welcome back. I'm Lori Ruben.
And I'm Jake Manning.
Good morning. We hope you're having
a good Monday morning.
We're going to run down the news for you in a minute,
and there's quite a bit going on today.
The transit workers are out on strike.
We'll be going to Lanie Kerrigan
with a live update on that in just a minute,
but first let's check out--
No pride, no ride.
Where is she?
Look, I just spoke to her on her cell phone.
- She said she'd be here. - When, next Friday?
Hey, come on. She said she was on her way.
We work out together every morning.
Today she didn't show.
Stand by to dissolve the weather graphic.
Pete, I'm sending Andrea out to you.
Hey, come on, Dennis, why don't you just give her
a couple minutes, all right?
Pete, I'm sending Andrea.
- Thank you. - Go.
Aw, jeez.
Any sign of her?
Oh, no, nada.
All right, well, Dennis wants a live feed.
I'm ready, if she ever decides to show up.
Yeah.
Go on. No pride, no ride!
Get out and walk.
Show some support for the huddled masses.
No pride, no ride. No pride--
Hey, guys.
Isn't this fantastic?
Yeah, yeah. Everything all right, there?
Everything's great.
I got stuck in traffic way back there,
and I thought I'd walk.
Where's your-- Where's your car now?
I left my car. I have a story to do.
Hi, Vin. Wire me.
Vin, do not give her that microphone.
Vin? I love you, Vin.
I've never been able to say that before
because I was frightened.
You know, Lanie, that's really sweet,
but, Lanie, are you sure that you wanna go on air?
I mean, did you have a couple of drinks
or something? Or--
No, I'm not drunk. I'm free.
That's good. That's good. But you know what?
Dennis has already called Andrea.
She's coming in to replace you.
Has Lanie shown up yet?
Yeah, Dennis, she just got--
Dennis, I'm here,
and I'm ready to rock'n' roll.
Dennis, she is in no shape to go--
Dennis, hi. I'm golden.
I've got strikers ready to interview live.
That's my girl.
OK, saddle up!
I love you, man.
You sure about this?
We're live in people. Live in !
No pride, no ride.
A major story is developing in Seattle.
Get camera one coaster, still .
Tape. Give me her name. Stand by, super.
Super in. Stand by live.
Pete, get ready to roll on Lanie.
Andrea.
- Whoa!
Hey, Lanie, you at least wanna zip up or something?
- Oh. - Yeah.
How's this?
Well, I know, you love me, too, right?
No.
Rush hour in downtown Seattle
has ground to a halt today
as striking bus drivers take to the streets
to make their voices heard.
Sir?
What's your name?
Bob Washington.
Bob, are you one of the many
faceless men and women
who toil in the streets,
guiding your diesel Goliath
through the blighted cityscape
to make sure that we get home safe and sound?
Um... no pride, no ride.
Yeah! No pride, no ride.
Bob, tell us,
what are the drivers demanding?
- Better hours. - Yeah!
- Better wages. - Yeah!
- Better vehicles. - Yeah!
Better overalljob satisfaction.
Yeah! All right.
Sounds reasonable.
Bob, I don't know if you're aware
of a very popular song by a little band
called the Rolling Stones,
but it talks about these very same issues,
and it goes a little something like this.
Bloody hell.
- Hi, Bob. - Yeah.
I can't get no
Satisfaction
And I try
And I try
And I try
And I try
I can't get no
I can't get no
That is one crazy chick.
Stand by,Jake and Lori.
We should get out of this.
Not yet.
I'm Lanie Kerrigan,
and that's fuckin' life in Seattle!
Ow.
Morning, Mick.
A little hair of the dog for ya?
Just point to the one you were drinkin'.
All right.
I knew you were a rum and Coke girl.
You drink a little bit of this down...
you're gonna be feelin' much better.
No. No. Come on.
A little bit more than that.
- Good girl.
Oh, God. Did we--
No.
Well, don't sound so excited, OK?
You passed out in my car.
Sorry.
What-What happened?
You don't remember any of it?
- No. - You don't remember
talkin' to me on the cell phone?
The bus drivers' strike?
No.
The live spot?
Are you telling me I went on the air?
You went on the air.
Without my makeup?
Without your makeup, without your lines...
without your sanity.
Oh... wow.
Oh.
I don't know, Lanie.
Seriously, I don't think that's a good idea.
You do not-- You do not wanna watch it.
Oh, boy. It's important to note
that it can be very difficult to be a reporter,
and we're not here
to make fun of our brethren, but--
But she is from a rival station.
So, uh, let's see it again.
Just how involved
should reporters get with their subjects?
No.
A local reporter caused a huge traffic jam
when she turned a live report
into an impromptu rock concert.
I'm Lanie Kerrigan, and that's life--
Perfect.
My life is over.
I'm--
I'm officially dead.
I officially just-- just stopped breathing. I'm dead.
Define life.
My career. My network job.
My wedding.
OK?
Do you really think
if you have no job and no boyfriend,
then your life is over?
Will you shut up?
My head is pounding,
I haven't had a shower since Saturday,
and I have ringing in my ears.
Ringing?
Yeah, well, that's called a phone.
I'll take care of that.
Hello.
Hey, Dennis. How ya doin'?
Yeah, no problem.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
No, Lanie?
No. I mean, you know, I saw her yesterday.
Well, it's : .
All right. Well, if I hear from her,
I will give you a call. OK.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So...
you want me to take you home?
No.
Wanna go try and look for your car, maybe?
Oh, God. No.
Well, look, you know what?
What do you say I take you to the airport,
you can go off to Morocco
with your last couple of days here on Earth?
If it's OK with you, I'd like to stay...
here for a little while.
All right.
But you gotta take a shower first.
Ooh.
- Here ya go. - Quid.
Quid. Yeah.
What is that?
What is quid? It's money. Currency.
In what language?
In English. As in England?
Uh-huh.
You know how in the U.S.,
you would say, uh, "I got a few bucks."
Well, in England, you would say,
"I got a few quid."
So it's slang.
No. It's quid.
It's slang.
The queen does not use slang.
You cannot use slang in word games.
It was not slang.
You would let me use "buck," wouldn't ya?
Define buck. Buck as in male deer?
Yeah. Or buck as in buck off,
or, I'm having such a bucking good time
shopping with you.
You're telling me
that even though it's Tuesday,
a day when normal people have to work
or have appointments,
you have absolutely
no obligation whatsoever?
No. Sometimes, you know, I'll actually work.
Oh, but only if you want to.
Yeah. Yeah.
And, uh, and what if
Dennis called and said
you have to come to work today
or you'll be fired?
Well, then I would probably get fired.
Just like that?
Yeah, well, you know, Lanie,
I know this is hard for you to imagine,
but there are some things that are
a little bit more important than work.
Like what?
Well, like today, for example...
I gotta go pick up my kid.
Really?
Yeah. Yeah, you know, I have a son.
Uh, you said you didn't
have any obligations.
You know, I don't really look at him like an obligation.
There he is. Hey, Tommy.
Hey, Dad.
How's it goin'?
Uh, pretty good.
Good. Good.
I got a little surprise for you today.
- OK. - All right.
I want you to meet someone I work with.
This is Lanie.
This is my boy Tommy.
- Hi. - Hi.
It's nice to meet you, Lanie.
Nice to meet you.
Well, Dad, is she coming with us?
Yeah. Yeah, she's gonna spend the day with us,
see if she can hang with the guys.
What do you think?
All right. Well, come on. Let's get goin'.
Come on.
Do you like kids?
Hey, come on, Tommy.
What? I mean, what if her and Cal Cooper
have kids someday when they get married?
Cal and I broke up.
You broke up with Cal Cooper?
That's horrible, isn't it?
Can you still get good seats for the Mariner games?
Probably.
Well, look, you know, Lanie's on TV.
I'm sure if she can't get 'em through Cal--
Yeah. Yeah. I know-- the Seattle Life lady.
You should have sung
Yeah?
I don't think I know that one.
- What?
Yeah, how do you know that?
All right, little guy.
Hey, Tommy.
Hmm?
We're home.
Mmm. Thanks, Dad.
You ready to go?
Oh, it was nice to meet you, Lanie.
It was nice to meet you.
You got your bag?
Yeah.
I can't believe that you broke up with Cal Cooper
just to go out with my dad.
Oh, no, Tommy. Your dad and I aren't--
aren't, you know.
Yeah, Tommy. Look, we, uh, Lanie and I
are just, you know, we're just friends.
We just work together.
Then why is she wearing your clothes?
Um...you know what?
l, uh-- I'll explain that to you
a little later on, OK?
All right.
I swear, that's always the hardest part.
Is that his mom?
Yeah.
Yeah, we grew up together.
You know, back in New York.
Catholic school, when...
well, if you got a girl pregnant,
you basically have choices.
You can either marry her or...
marry her.
So--
But then we split up,
and she moved out here
and took Tommy with her.
You know, I had to follow, too.
I just-- I couldn't bear to be
that far away from him.
And I don't know what's worse,
you know?
Getting divorced or...
the two of us trying to stay together for him.
Well, I think he's just really lucky
to have parents that love him.
Yeah.
You're not thinking about Prophet Jack, are you?
No.
No, I haven't thought about that all day.
- Thanks to you. - Oh.
Um--
So, you got to admit, it feels pretty good, doesn't it?
What?
Doin' nothin'.
Yeah, it does.
So, what do you normally do on a Tuesday night?
Let's see. Normally,
if I was with a beautiful woman
such as yourself, I would maybe, um--
maybe ask her to come back to my place.
Mm-hmm.
And if she was wearing all my clothes,
then I would insist that she return them.
Um, are you trying to have sex with me?
Yeah.
Yeah, I definitely am.
Good.
- So, are you OK? - Yeah, I'm OK.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
What, you didn't have a good time last night?
'Cause I'm thinkin'
maybe you should meet me at :
in the equipment room for a little quickie.
Oh. But I might be history by : .
Well, then we don't have to settle for a quickie.
I better go.
I have a : appointment to get fired.
Well, good. That'll give us more time.
Surprise!
Lanie, you got it!
What?
That stunt you pulled on Monday was brilliant.
Your face was on every news program
in the country. Lanie, you're famous.
They want you in New York
for A.M. USA tomorrow morning.
You're gonna do a live interview spot.
Are we talking about--
You got the network. You did it.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Somebody get this girl a drink!
Pour! Pour! Pour!
- Whoo!
Here's looking at you, kid!
To Lanie!
- It's : . - Hmm.
I forgot about that.
Are you being weird?
Define weird.
- I got the job. - I heard.
Yeah.
So Prophet Jack was wrong.
That was the first thing I asked him.
So that means what?
So that means that he's crazy,
that I'm not gonna die, that I'm gonna live...
in New York.
When do they want you to leave?
In a few hours. They're picking me up.
They want me to be on the show tomorrow morning.
And guess who they want me to interview.
I haven't a clue. Who?
Deborah Connors.
A live interview with me and Deborah Connors.
That's great.
Well, congratulations.
I'm sure you're gonna do a great job.
I want you to go with me.
I don't wanna go back to New York, Lanie.
Because of your son?
Yeah. Yeah, because of him,
and because I like it here.
You know, I like my life.
I'm not like you.
I just think nothing ever
satisfies your appetite for long.
Is that what you think of me?
That's what I think.
Would you be saying that
if you thought I was gonna die tomorrow?
I never thought you were gonna die.
I think you did. I think you did.
I think somewhere inside,
that's why you let me in.
That's why you introduced me to your son.
It's why you spent the night with me.
You thought you'd never
have to follow through.
I think that's what happened.
That's not it at all.
You know why I did all those things?
Because on Monday, out at the strike, I finally saw you.
No. The real Lanie. The real you.
And that's who I want, and that's who I still want.
That's who I introduced to my son.
This is everything I've ever dreamed of.
Well, then, I guess
there's nothing left to say, is there?
You're gonna go to New York, and I'm staying here.
I got the job, A.M. USA.
I'm going to New York.
When are you coming back?
Oh, come on, Dad.
It's not like you're gonna miss me.
You have Gwen.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's not supposed to mean anything.
It means that...
you've always kind of favored Gwen.
What kind of crap is that?
I favored Gwen?
I love both my girls just the same.
I know.
Why don't you go over
and open that top drawer of that cabinet.
What is this?
It's you.
I tape all your stuff.
See that red one on the end?
That's my favorite one.
- Oh, God.
Pat, turn it off.
I know I haven't always
been there for you, Lanie.
I've never really understood you.
Couldn't find a way to talk to you.
But your mother could.
You were the only person
that could make her smile.
Will you watch me tomorrow?
Yeah.
I'm gonna call in sick as soon as you leave.
An angel will fall from the sky!
An angel will fall from the sky!
You are so full of shit.
Don't give him any money, pal.
He's a phony.
An angel will fall from the sky.
Bullshit. You said that a week ago.
I need to explain something to you.
I am not a therapist.
I do a volume business here.
You and your girlfriend can't figure it out--
She is not my girlfriend.
Not my problem.
Did she say that? Did she say
that she was my girlfriend?
I see and I say and you pay.
We do not develop a relationship.
Yeah, but you see, you're full of shit.
OK? Because she's not gonna die
because she got the job.
The network job that you said
she wasn't gonna get,
which means you were wrong.
Was I?
What is that supposed to mean?
If she dies tomorrow, then she doesn't get the job,
and I was right.
An angel will fall from the sky!
An angel will fall from the sky!
An angel will fall from the sky!
This is the life, isn't it?
I guess. I'm terribly afraid of flying.
I can assure you, we are not gonna die today.
You know what?
Vin, it just doesn't make sense, you know?
I mean, the whole thing with the two of us,
it just doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, well, love never does, Pete.
- Love? - Mm-hmm.
I didn't say-- Did you hear me say love?
Whatever you say.
No one said anything about love.
Love.
I got your love right here. ball, side pocket.
Curiously strong.
That's kind of like her, isn't it?
Are you gonna give me an Altoids metaphor now?
No. No. No. Now, listen.
'Cause, uh, at first,
you can only take her in small doses, right?
You know, after a while,
you start to like the burn, you know?
You acquire a little taste for it, you know?
But it scares you, 'cause you're afraid
one day the drugstore's gonna be flat out
of Altoids, and then what?
So you pick up some cinnamon gum,
or some, uh, you know, spearmint Tic Tacs,
but guess what?
Nothing else is gonna
cut it for you anymore, cowboy.
Yeah.
Well, cowboy, Lanie's gone,
and Altoids aren't really an option now.
So I'm just gonna get on with my life.
He said I was gonna die by tomorrow.
And I believed him
because he predicted this hail storm
and the football score
and the earthquake in San Francisco.
: on the dot.
But he also said that I would not
get this big job that I was up for,
and guess what?
I got it.
That's where I'm going right now.
So, you see, there is no way
you are gonna die on this plane.
My game, your round. Again.
- Same? - Yeah.
Tragic news from Los Angeles.
Rod Melendez, a former star catcher
of the California Angels,
and one of the few real heroes
of the Los Angeles riots of
died tonight when his small private plane
mysteriously tumbled from the sky.
Melendezwas an experienced pilot
whose plane disappeared from radar
less than a mile from the Santa Monica Airport.
Former Angel catcher Rod Melendez, dead at .
Hey, Lanie, it's Pete.
I don't know if you're checking your messages,
but an Angel did fall from the sky.
I mean, not an angel with wings,
but an Angel, so, uh--
Look, my phone's gonna die any second,
but whatever you do, just be careful today.
All right? You know, try not to go out on that--
Shit.
This is our final boarding call
for flight to New York, LaGuardia.
This is our final boarding call
for flight to New York, LaGuardia.
Hold on! Hold it!
Good morning, Ms. Kerrigan.
Good morning.
Watch your step.
Have a good day.
Could you go a little faster, please?
I don't want to be late.
I'm going faster already.
Any more faster, I'd kill us.
No, you won't.
See?
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to LaGuardia International Airport.
Please remain in your seats
until the plane comes to a complete stop
and the "fasten seat belt" sign is turned off.
We hope that you enjoyed your flight
and will continue to fly with us in the future.
So, how was your flight?
- Good. - Good. Fine.
Hotel's nice?
Oh, yes.
Yeah.
- That's the backdrop. - Oh.
Watch your step.
And this is the A.M. USA set.
News desk.
Living room set.
And this is the library set
where you'll be interviewing Deborah.
Get you touched up?
- Mark, Carrie? - Yeah?
This is Lanie Kerrigan from Seattle.
- Hi, Lanie. - Hi, Carrie.
- Great to have you here. - Thank you.
I guess you finally got some satisfaction.
I'll see you on set.
Thank you.
Uh, you're scheduled for : .
You'll find your list of questions in here.
Oh, I have my own questions.
Uh, Deborah Connors doesn't answer
any questions she doesn't already know.
So--
- You nervous? - No.
Great. Follow me.
Uh--
Sorry, I just completely--
Uh, uh, heading the hour today,
uh, the rescue efforts of an oil tanker
that capsized at sea during a huge storm
off the coast of Maine are under way.
Is that right? Thank you.
- Ah, ahh-- - Ah--
OK, stand by to come up on camera
in --
From New York, it's A.M. USA...
with Carrie Maddox
and Mark Laughlin.
Good morning and welcome to A.M. USA.
I'm Carrie Maddox.
And I'm Mark Laughlin.
And we welcome our viewers on the West Coast
for this special live edition of A.M. USA.
You know I can't do that.
I have absolutely no idea. Talk to Jen.
Keith.
Hello?
No.
I said no.
Just what part of no do you not understand?
Thanks. Hello.
Hi.
So, what do you think?
All right? See you on set.
Good morning, everyone.
Oh, God, what's this? They call this a set?
Albert, I'm glad to see you haven't lost
your sense of humor, but please.
Hello, hello. Oh, aren't you pretty?
Listen and learn.
Albert, fix it! Now!
Ms. Connors?
I'm Lanie Kerrigan.
You've been an inspiration to me.
Well, I wish I could be an inspiration to myself.
Congratulations on your award.
Thank you very much. You have the questions?
Yes.
Yeah? Good. This'll be a breeze.
Oh, that's much better.
Herbie, how do I look? I need your help today.
Coming up in the next half hour,
we'll see home video footage--
Hey, pal. Pal, I was watching that.
And then, we're gonna show you how to keep
your rose bushes healthy during the winter months
by proper food and proper pruning.
But before we get to all of that, let's go to--
But before we get to all of that, let's go to--
OK. Clear, please.
Thank you.
OK, coming up on camera ...
in --
...of distinction. Lanie?
Thank you, Carrie.
I'm here with a legend
and one of my own personal idols,
Deborah Connors.
Thank you.
It is an honor to be here
to talk with you today, Ms. Connors.
Oh, thank you very much. Call me Deborah.
Deborah...
when you stand before
the entire journalistic community tomorrow evening
to receive your award
for years of fame and excellence,
I think our audience would like to know one thing.
Did you---
Did--
Mom, is Aunt Lanie OK?
Oh, my.
Did you-- Heh.
Did you think it was worth it?
What is she doing?
Uh, worth what, exactly?
Was it worth everything you gave up?
For instance?
For instance, you were never married.
Lanie, are you trying to pull a Deborah on me?
Well, if to cut through the camouflage
to ask the most important question
is pulling a Deborah, then, yes, I am.
There is no camouflage.
With me, what you see is what you get.
No regrets.
No?
What about Harry Llewelyn?
Harry?
When you were a correspondent
for National Public Radio stationed in London,
wasn't Harry your fiancé?
Yes.
Harry Llewelyn was--
It was...
one of the happiest times in my life.
I was... .
And I walked away.
What's happening?
Deborah Connors is having an on-camera breakdown.
I walked out on someone, too...
to be here on national TV,
so people would think that I'm special.
Oh, sweetie.
The only person who has to think
you're special is yourself.
If I've learned one thing,
it's in your career
and in your life...
you just gotta be yourself.
Hmm.
So, no regrets?
I think I'm gonna regret giving this interview.
Hmm. Well--
Well, I certainly want to thank you so much, Deborah.
Back to you, Mark and Carrie.
OK. We're out.
Oh, Deborah, that was--
Thank you. That was incredible.
It was just so... brave of you
to be so honest, and, um--
God, I thank you--
You... go.
Like, "You go, girl"?
No.Just go.
I want her out of here.
Lanie.
Lanie, where are you goin'?
The head of the network wants to see you.
What?
He saw the interview. He loved it.
Nobody's been able to get to Deborah Connors like that.
In fact, the network's gonna run the interview
again tonight, later on.
Television spots are already airing.
He wants to meet you
and talk about your future with our network.
th floor.
I'll take you.
Thank you.
But I'm going home.
Hey, Lanie.
Lanie, can you hear me?
It's almost : in the morning.
It's almost : which means it's Friday,
which means
while you're not exactly conversational right now,
you--
you are technically
and legally
and otherwise still alive.
Hmm.
It's still Thursday in Seattle.
Hey.
Welcome back.
How you feelin'?
Great.
Look, I don't want the opportunity
to pass me by again,
so I probably should've told you this
a long time ago,
but I've loved you since the first day I met you.
Define love.
Lanie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Hmm.
Mm.
Wow.
All minutes.
Yeah, well,
I'll take what I can get.
Heh.
I love you.
Mm.
Mm.
You feelin' a little better there, huh?
Heh.
I should've tried kissing you
a long time ago, I guess.
Yeah, well, you're an idiot.
Is that you talkin',
or is that the morphine talkin'?
Heh. You're very cute.
You're lucky I love you.
You're not gonna die on me.
Come on, promise me that.
Hi, you've reached Lanie,
Pete, and Tommy.
Leave a message at the beep. Thanks.
Lanie, Pete, hey, it's Dennis. Look, I know it's your day off.
I know you hate to work on your day off,
but I really need your help on a story.
Give me a call when you get the message.
And now batting,
Cal Cooper!
Yeah!
Whoo!
Oh, my God! Cal!
Someone once said "Live every day
"as if it were your last
because one of these days, it will be."
Jack was right.
A part of me did die that day.
The part of me that didn't know how to live.
What will the future bring?
Jack knows,
but any conversations I have with him,
I make sure he only talks about sports and weather.
I told you I'd catch it.