Love And a .45 Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Love And a .45 script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Renee Zellweger, Gil Bellows, and Jeffrey Combs movie.  This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Love And a .45. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. You won't hurt my feelings. Honest.

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Love And a .45 Script


  

   

                   

announcer:...any similarities

to real people or events



 

                   

is purely coincidental.



 

                   

The Crime Channel.

All crime all the time.



 

                   

Excuse me, son.

Where do you keep the anti-acids?



 

                   

That aisle, right-hand side.

Third shelf from the bottom.



 

                   

That'll be $ .  .



 

                   

Aren't you a little young

to be working the night shift...



 

                   

...hombre?



 

                   

I lied about my age.



  

                   

How old are you, son?



  

                   

Fourteen.



  

                   

Shouldn't you be doin'

your homework



  

                   

for school or something?



  

                   

Don't go.



  

                   

Just sittin' around reading

''Girls and Guns''



  

                   

and smokin' marijuana in the

walk-in freezer,



  

                   

and dreaming about pussy, huh?



  

                   

How'd you know?



  

                   

Been there.



  

                   

Sometimes I watch TV.



  

                   

Oh, yeah?

What do you watch?



  

                   

Them reality kind of shows.



  

                   

Like, people get killed

and stuff.



  

                   

Tell me, son...



  

                   

you plannin' on selling

cigarettes for the rest of your life?



  

                   

I haven't really thought

about it.



  

                   

I guess you might have noticed

that    laying on the counter.



  

                   

Yeah. I was kinda wondering

about that.



  

                   

Think you can grab it...



  

                   

faster than me?



  

                   

( trigger clicks )



  

                   

Yeah.



  

                   

Well...



  

                   

That's pretty damn good,

small fry.



  

                   

I want you to give me all that

money out of the cash register.



  

                   

Well...



  

                   

what about my gun?



  

                   

It ain't loaded.



  

                   

Well...



  

                   

Yeah, that's right.



  

                   

After you put the money

in that smiley face bag...



  

                   

hand me that night drop, too.



  

                   

We ain't got no night drop.



  

                   

You must think I'm a lot

stupider than I look, hombre...



  

                   

'cause I know that night drop

turns over at exactly  :   a.m.



  

                   

If you're thinking that armored

car's gonna be pulling up soon,



  

                   

and you might be privy

to a hellacious gun fight



  

                   

where yours truly just might

buy the proverbial farm...



  

                   

you're dead wrong.



  

                   

'Cause right about now,

the driver of the said vehicle



  

                   

will be pulling over

to the side of the road



  

                   

to help a beautiful young lady,



  

                   

in roadway distress.



  

                   

Hi.



  

                   

My goodness, mister,

I'm so glad you stopped.



  

                   

I was starting to get a little

scared being out here all alone.



  

                   

With hardly anything on

to protect me from the elements.



  

                   

- Uh-huh.

- Ohh, wow!



  

                   

Wow!

( giggling )



  

                   

Look at all those tools.



  

                   

I bet you have yourself

a ripe 'ol time.



  

                   

Handcuffs...



  

                   

I just love handcuffs.



  

                   

- Really?

- Um-hmm.



  

                   

Hey, can I play with them?



  

                   

Come on.

Just for a little while.



  

                   

It might be fun,

don't you think?



  

                   

- Okay.

- ( laughs )



  

                   

Okay.



  

                   

Oh, thanks.



  

                   

Wow!



  

                   

Boy, that's some mighty

hard steel, isn't it?



  

                   

Mmm-mmm.



  

                   

Oh, it's so...



  

                   

Wow. Look at you.



  

                   

Such a big, big strong man.



  

                   

Oh, baby.

Come to daddy!



  

                   

- Oh, baby.

- My cuffs... anything you want.



  

                   

( laughing )



  

                   

My goodness, aren't you a live one.



  

                   

Gee wiz...



  

                   

You know what?



  

                   

Baby, I just don't think

I know you well enough



  

                   

to be sharing your saliva.



  

                   

( giggles )



  

                   

Whoo!

( laughing )



  

                   

So, he'll be unzipping

his pants...



  

                   

and wanking his hooter

right about now,



  

                   

and have a right fine story

to tell the boys at the bar...



  

                   

and I won't be having

no trouble with the police.



  

                   

- ( safe clicks )

- Right on time.



  

                   

That sound's pure music

to my ears.



  

                   

Gosh, mister...



  

                   

you sure know your

convenience stores.



  

                   

It's my business to know

convenience stores.



  

                   

- Yes.

- Okay, squirt...



  

                   

fill up the rest of that smiley

bag and I'll be on my way.



  

                   

Hey uh...



  

                   

how much money you figure's

in this here bag?



   

                   

Uh, right about

five-hundred dollars.



   

                   

What's this?



   

                   

Ten percent of the gross.



   

                   

Don't spend it all on dope.



   

                   

( chuckles )

Thanks.



   

                   

Hey, man...



   

                   

you forgot your gun.



   

                   

It's yours, kid.

Get your ass out of the rat race.



   

                   

That's right, son...



   

                   

you got yourself a real

occupation.



   

                   

Man, why are you giving me

this gun?



   

                   

Well, when I was your age...



   

                   

someone did the same for me.



   

                   

I was a lot like you, and...



   

                   

he was a lot like me.



   

                   

Just returnin' the favor.



   

                   

( hammer clicks )



   

                   

I got two pieces of advice

for you, small fry...



   

                   

never believe a word

anyone says...



   

                   

and never rob a store

with a loaded gun.



   

                   

Never!



   

                   

Yes, sir.



   

                   

That way no one gets hurt.



   

                   

People ask me why

I chose a life outside the law.



   

                   

They say,

''Watty Watts you're a smart man.



   

                   

Why do you feel you gotta hold up

every two bit convenience store,



   

                   

between Dallas and Tyler?''



   

                   

And I say to them...



   

                   

''You ever think to ask

Merle Haggard or Loretta Lynn



   

                   

why they sing country?''



   

                   

''You ever wonder why Morrison

became a rock star?''



   

                   

Hell no.

Things just happen.



   

                   

You see, I'm an artist.



   

                   

Whether it's cooking breakfast

or ripping off convenience stores,



   

                   

I'm an artist.



   

                   

Hexagram   : Disabysmal.



   

                   

Through repetition of danger,

we become accustomed to it.



   

                   

Hexagram  :

Difficulty at the beginning.



   

                   

To find one's place

in the infinity of being,



   

                   

one must be able to both

separate and to unite.



   

                   

You see if you want something in life,



   

                   

you gotta be able to

go out there and take it.



   

                   

Nobody's gonna

hand it to you on a plate.



   

                   

When I was a young boy...



   

                   

my granddaddy, who had been

a professional bounty hunter,



   

                   

he said to me, ''Watty only

two things you need in life



   

                   

to get by on this planet.



   

                   

Love and a   .''



   

                   

Well howdy, young lady.



   

                   

What is a fine looking

young woman such as yourself



   

                   

doing on one these dangerous,

deserted, back country Texas roads?



   

                   

Hey, baby.



   

                   

Did you get us some

grocery money?



   

                   

I just might have.



   

                   

Perhaps you'd like to join me

in my chariot



   

                   

for a little romp

in the moonlight?



   

                   

Perhaps I would.



   

                   

Her name is Starlene Cheatham.

I'm Watty Watts.



   

                   

We specialize in risk management.



   

                   

( tires screeching )



   

                   

( playful screaming )



   

                   

Stop that Watty Watts.



   

                   

You better quit it

or I'm gonna whip your behind.



   

                   

Hey, that felt kinda good.



   

                   

( both laughing )



   

                   

You know what?



   

                   

I was just thinking of something.



   

                   

Oh yeah, what were you thinking?



   

                   

I was thinking how today's

gonna be the day.



   

                   

What day is that?



   

                   

The day you make

an honest woman out of me.



   

                   

Where's that damn ring?



   

                   

Come on, Star. You've been saying

that everyday since you were fifteen.



   

                   

There ain't gonna be no ring today.



   

                   

Mm-hmm.

I know today's gonna be the day.



   

                   

Yes.



   

                   

I think I'm gonna have

to tickle you



   

                   

till you ask me

the big question.



   

                   

( laughing )



   

                   

And if that doesn't work...



   

                   

I'm gonna hold that gun

up to your head...



   

                   

till you ask me what I like.



   

                   

( laughing and talking

heard outside )



   

                   

Star: Wait.



   

                   

- Huh?

- Did you hear that?



   

                   

I don't want to hear it, baby.



   

                   

Listen.

Wait who is that?



   

                   

Go see who that is.



   

                   

Oh shit.



   

                   

Okay.

Rain down on the bugs.



   

                   

- ( laughing )

- Come on, little bugs.



   

                   

- Creepy, You pissin' again?

- Drink it up.



   

                   

Well, if it ain't my favorite

two homicidal maniacs...



   

                   

Creepy Cody and Dinosaur Bob.



   

                   

How you boys doin'?



   

                   

Watty Watts.



   

                   

I hope we didn't wake you

too early this fine morning.



   

                   

Yeah, we been partying

all night.



   

                   

Yeah, I see you boys are lookin'

proper and prim this morning.



   

                   

Man, we've been

in a different time zone.



   

                   

For us it's four 'o clock

in the afternoon.



   

                   

Well, it ain't four o'clock

in the afternoon for me, boys.



   

                   

We didn't think so, Watty.



   

                   

What ya doin' to my tomatoes, man?



   

                   

- He's watering 'em.

- I eat those tomatoes, assholes.



   

                   

Well, we stopped by to remind

you today is payday.



   

                   

Why don't you two speed freaks

get lost?



   

                   

I haven't eatin'

my breakfast yet.



   

                   

You know, I hate breakfast.

It makes me want to puke.



   

                   

You just...

( sniffs )



   

                   

go on back to...

( continues sniffing )



   

                   

whatever it was you were doing.



   

                   

Oh...



   

                   

How's that pussy?



   

                   

( chuckling )



   

                   

( hammer clicks )



   

                   

I don't think I caught your

meaning there, Bob.



   

                   

As least for your sake

I hope I didn't.



   

                   

Watty...



   

                   

Hey, we just came by

to remind you that today,



   

                   

Pecro wants his

fucking money.



   

                   

You know how Pecro can get.



   

                   

- Get the two grand.

- Get the money, fucker.



   

                   

I got your money, boys.



   

                   

I just need to retrieve it.



   

                   

Good. We're gonna see you again

sooner or later.



   

                   

Sooner than later.

( chuckles )



   

                   

Hey, Watt, who was that?



   

                   

Two asshole Bible salesmen.



   

                   

What'd they want?



   

                   

To save my soul.



   

                   

Hey...



   

                   

Come over here and hold me.



   

                   

Uh-huh.



   

                   

Do you love me, Watt?



   

                   

More than anything.



   

                   

More than your car likes oil?



   

                   

More than my car likes oil.



   

                   

More than a preacher likes God?



   

                   

More than Jimmy Swaggart

loves to sweat.



   

                   

Well, I think you'd

better kiss me then, huh?



   

                   

( motorcycle engine revving )



   

                   

Is that who I think it is?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

You promised me you weren't

gonna have



   

                   

anything to do with him, Watt.



   

                   

Man, you promised me.



   

                   

I gotta make car payments,

don't I?



   

                   

I told you I didn't want

anymore of your



   

                   

Goddamn prison buddies

over at the house.



   

                   

Especially not him.



   

                   

Why can't y'all meet at

a pool hall or something?



   

                   

I told him to call me

if he had any leads.



   

                   

Why can't he use

the damn phone?



   

                   

'Cause he thinks all the lines

are bugged.



   

                   

Look, I don't like him, okay?



   

                   

He's an drug addict

and an asshole.



   

                   

And he's a male chauvinist pig.



   

                   

- Watty.

- Keep your voice down.



   

                   

- ( knocking )

- Star, listen.



   

                   

All I want is a little

financial solvency.



   

                   

I told Billy to come by

if he had anything cooking.



   

                   

There's just some things

that you just don't understand.



   

                   

Hey, you understand this,

all right.



   

                   

You're not gonna let

that asshole in this house.



   

                   

- Billy: Watty!

- I'm serious.



   

                   

Watt!



   

                   

- Fuck!

- It's about time, Hoss.



   

                   

- How you doin' there Watty?

- All right, Billy.



   

                   

- ( sighs ) Oh, Goddamn.

- See you in a minute.



   

                   

Starlene. How are ya?



   

                   

Mmm.



   

                   

You know, your lookin'

awful pretty today.



   

                   

Hurts me.



   

                   

But you know, you always

looked real good to me.



   

                   

- You know that, don't you?

- You look the same, Billy...



   

                   

but I can't say that

I like it that much.



   

                   

( sniffs )

Mmm.



   

                   

Hey, Star...



   

                   

- Let me ask you question.

- I probably couldn't stop you.



   

                   

How come you don't like me

so much, huh?



   

                   

'Cause you're scum.

Pure and simple.



   

                   

Watty might not see it,

but I do.



   

                   

You're a piece of white trash.



   

                   

And I don't trust ya

for as far as I can toss ya.



   

                   

Damn it, I know you wanta

have sex with me.



   

                   

Yeah, have sex with that.



   

                   

Ohh! Goddamn!



   

                   

Ain't you sassy.



   

                   

- Hey.

- Hey, Watty, what's up?



   

                   

What's goin' on, Billy?



   

                   

Nothin'. You know, she's joking

around like she always does.



   

                   

Hey, man. I'm having me

a good fuckin' day today.



   

                   

You interested in makin'

the best score of the year?



   

                   

- ( whistles )

- Tell me about it in the car.



   

                   

Oh, okay.



   

                   

Hey I'm gonna see you later, honey.



   

                   

I'm uh, I'm gonna be goin', okay?



   

                   

Hey...



   

                   

Just don't do anything stupid,

all right?



   

                   

Take a look at that.



   

                   

( chuckles )



   

                   

- That ain't for me, is it?

- No, it's not for you, stupid.



   

                   

It's a weddin' ring.



   

                   

What'd you...



   

                   

Watty, did you take

a stupid pill?



   

                   

What do you mean by that, man?



   

                   

- Just what I said.

- What are you saying?



   

                   

- What the fuck are you--

- Hey, fuck you, man!



   

                   

I have no time for your

bullshit.



   

                   

I've got a problematical

situation going on.



   

                   

( scuffs )



   

                   

I borrowed two-thousand dollars

from Father Pecro



   

                   

to buy that wedding ring.



   

                   

See, you're a stupid asshole.



   

                   

Well, I couldn't help it, man,

it was on sale.



   

                   

How much of the money

do you have?



   

                   

Four-hundred and fifty bucks.



   

                   

You're bitch whipped, man.

You're fuckin' bitch whipped.



   

                   

I if don't get that money to Pecro,



   

                   

I'll be wiping me up

in the same hand, you know?



   

                   

Well, it looks like you're in

world of shit partner.



   

                   

But, today just happens to be

your lucky day.



   

                   

Yeah, what's the score,

Billy boy?



   

                   

I found us a choice fuckin'

spot, man.



   

                   

Over in Creedmore

by the box factory.



   

                   

You mean that bait shop that's

got the Orange Knee-Hi sign?



   

                   

I'm not talkin' about that

fuckin' place.



   

                   

I'm talkin' about a place

about a hundred yards over.



   

                   

You mean that place that's got

them real good hot links?



   

                   

It's got a big red billboard.



   

                   

What about that place?

It's penny-ante bullshit.



   

                   

Just hold on to your horses,

Watty, okay?



   

                   

Have you no faith in me?



   

                   

I've been gettin' real sweet on

the girl who works the day shift.



   

                   

She told me...



   

                   

that the owner's gettin'

himself a brand new bass boat.



   

                   

Oh, well, that's bad ass, Billy.

I'm real happy for him.



   

                   

There's some damn

good fishing around here...



   

                   

But what the fuck do I need

with a bass boat?



   

                   

He's buying the boat

with cash, Watty.



   

                   

He's got it locked up in

the safe,



   

                   

because he thinks his wife's

gonna take it,



   

                   

and go out on a shopping spree.



   

                   

You know how them bitches get.

He's all paranoid.



   

                   

The money's right there

in the safe.



   

                   

How much money you figure

he's got in there?



   

                   

What I'm figuring is

ten-thousand dollars, man.



   

                   

Ten grand?



   

                   

Where in the hell did you get these?



   

                   

I got 'em at the discount store, man.



   

                   

They were in the bargain bin.



   

                   

Oh, God, Billy.

Just give me my gun.



   

                   

Okay, Billy, Let's check to make

sure these babies ain't loaded.



   

                   

- Check.

- Check.



   

                   

Hey, man, you sure you don't

want any of this?



   

                   

I don't think it's such

a good idea



   

                   

for you to be doin' that shit

before a job.



   

                   

( sighs )

Cleans out my brain.



   

                   

Turns your brain into

chewing gum.



   

                   

- I'm cool.

- You better be cool.



   

                   

- Are you ready?

- Born on a green light, Daddyo.



   

                   

Let's go.



   

                   

Okay, honey, just remain real calm.



   

                   

I'm here to rob this place

and I aim to do it right.



   

                   

Give me all your money.



   

                   

( breathing heavy )



   

                   

Look at the funny man.



   

                   

Y'all say this is a robbery?



   

                   

Y'all say there's some money?

( laughing )



   

                   

There ain't no money.



   

                   

So, why don't you two jokers

get lost?



   

                   

Oh man, she's high as a kite.



   

                   

What the hell's goin' on, huh?



   

                   

Okay, lady...



   

                   

now you just tell me

where the money is...



   

                   

and we'll get it ourselves, okay?



   

                   

Hey...



   

                   

you're kinda cute.



   

                   

Wanta get high with me?



   

                   

You do not wanta fuck

with me lady.



   

                   

Tell me where that money is.

The money for the bass boat.



   

                   

- Where the hell is it!?

- I told you...



   

                   

I put all the money

in my main line.



   

                   

( laughs )



   

                   

Quit fucking around with us,

you stupid bitch.



   

                   

I know there's some fucking

money in here



   

                   

for some Goddamn bass boat.



   

                   

Get it out of the fucking safe now!



   

                   

Billy Mack?



   

                   

Is that you, hon?



   

                   

( screaming in excitement )

Honey!



   

                   

Oh, man!

That is fucking great.



   

                   

That's fucking beautiful, man.

She seen your face.



   

                   

Billy, you stupid asshole.



   

                   

Watty...



   

                   

you hear them fuckin' sirens?



   

                   

What the fuck did you do?



   

                   

Fuckin' trip the fuckin' alarm?



   

                   

You stupid fucked up bitch.



   

                   

Fuck me again

like you did last night.



   

                   

You called the cops you

fuckin', fucked up bitch!



   

                   

Billy, what the hell you doin'?



   

                   

She seen my fuckin' face, Watt.

What the fuck.



   

                   

The cops are on their fuckin' way.



   

                   

You seen my fuckin' face, bitch.



   

                   

She seen my fuckin' face, Watty.



   

                   

She seen my fuckin' face.



   

                   

Calm down, Billy.

Just calm the fuck down!



   

                   

You done fucked up now.

You seen my fuckin' face.



   

                   

- You fucked up.

- ( screams )



   

                   

( telephone busy signal )



   

                   

I think I shot her.



   

                   

Oh, Christ, Billy.

What have you done?



   

                   

Oh shit!



   

                   

I think I shot her.



   

                   

Do you hear that sound?

It's the fuckin' cops...



   

                   

and you just blew your girl

friend's brains all over the place.



   

                   

- She was my face, man.

- Shut up!



   

                   

Now I'm not leaving here

without the money...



   

                   

so you gotta go get it now!



   

                   

Find the fuckin' money!



   

                   

( groans )



   

                   

Come on, man!

Come on!



   

                   

Billy: Get off of me.



   

                   

Watty, she doesn't look good.



   

                   

Hurry up, Billy!

Hurry up, man!



   

                   

I got it.



   

                   

( siren approaching )



   

                   

( passes by )



   

                   

Damn them fuckin' pigs.



   

                   

He's chasing a speeder

on the highway.



   

                   

- ( gagging )

- Get off of me.



   

                   

Come on, man.

Let's get out of here now!



   

                   

That stupid fuckin'

bitch!



   

                   

That stupid fuckin' bitch!



   

                   

Bitch! Bitch!



   

                   

Why did she have to fuckin'--



   

                   

I killed her!



   

                   

Fuck!



   

                   

Damn!



   

                   

Watty...



   

                   

Watty.



   

                   

Watty I did a bad thing.

Watty!



   

                   

( Watty to himself ) Up until now,

I always considered myself happy.



   

                   

I had a beautiful girlfriend...



   

                   

a car and a trailer home.



   

                   

But at this moment I knew

my life had taken an unwelcome turn.



   

                   

I'd been a con and a thief

for twenty-five years,



   

                   

but I never hurt no one.



   

                   

Billy had violated the code,

he'd packed a loaded gun.



   

                   

( hollering )



   

                   

Speed snortin' psychopath

sittin' next to me,



   

                   

had interrupted the flow

of my happiness.



   

                   

He had killed someone

in my presence...



   

                   

and in all likelihood,

my life had been fucked.



   

                   

Hey...



   

                   

I'm hungry, man.

I think I need to eat.



   

                   

I need to get me some breakfast.



   

                   

Billy, you are crazy.



   

                   

You're gonna take me

to some fuckin' breakfast,



   

                   

and you're gonna pay for it now.



   

                   

You got that fuckin' right?



   

                   

( cocks hammer )



   

                   

Now!



   

                   

I really fucked up.



   

                   

Just eat your damn eggs.



   

                   

They're gonna find me.



   

                   

You know they fry you that shit.



   

                   

They gonna fry me.



   

                   

Remember when we was

back in Huntsville?



   

                   

They fried Clarence.



   

                   

I know you remember

that fuckin' smell.



   

                   

You could hear him screaming

all the way down the cellblock.



   

                   

His eyes were comin' out

of his fuckin' head.



   

                   

Shut the fuck up, man!



   

                   

They ain't gonna do shit.



   

                   

You know they will.

I got my prints all over that safe.



   

                   

Hell, you didn't do shit, man.



   

                   

You're practically in the clear.



   

                   

They'll probably

let you off on probation.



   

                   

( bangs on table )

Shut the fuck up, man!



   

                   

We're getting out of here

right now,



   

                   

before somebody calls

the freakin' cops.



   

                   

Come on, let's go.



   

                   

We're not goin' nowhere till

I finish my damn breakfast.



   

                   

Christ, Billy, put that

fuckin' thing away, man.



   

                   

( chuckles )



   

                   

Okay.

( hammer clicks )



   

                   

I want you to...



   

                   

I want you to take your

car keys,



   

                   

and I want you to drop them

fuckers in my plate now.



   

                   

You're crazier than

a road lizard, Billy.



   

                   

Maybe I am, but I ain't

goin' back to that place.



   

                   

And I ain't goin' to that

fuckin' chair.



   

                   

I'm gonna go down south,

take that money--



   

                   

go get me some margaritas

down there in Mexico.



   

                   

'Cause I know what you'd do--



   

                   

You and your stupid girl friend.

You'd take that money...



   

                   

and you'd turn me in, wouldn't you?



   

                   

That's what you'd do!

I'm not stupid, man!



   

                   

Now you take them keys

out of your pocket,



   

                   

and you put 'em on my plate now.



   

                   

Before I paint the fuckin' wall

with the back side of your head.



   

                   

( shouts )

Now!



   

                   

( screaming )



   

                   

Fuck you, Billy!



   

                   

Have a nice day.



   

                   

Billy: Get it out!



   

                   

Get this fuckin'

fork out of my neck!



   

                   

( continues to scream )



   

                   

Run, Watty Watt.



   

                   

( screaming )



   

                   

You better watch your back.



   

                   

( screams )



   

                   

I figured that Billy Mack

would probably bleed to death



   

                   

at some rest stop off the highway.



   

                   

I regretted having

to fork him in the neck,



   

                   

but, I swear to God

he'd have shot me if I hadn't.



   

                   

I'd often liked Billy,

but he was crazy...



   

                   

And I hope that he was killed.



   

                   

( dramatic music playing on TV )



   

                   

( gun shot )



   

                   

I got a I Ching,

where the hell is it?



   

                   

I don't know.



   

                   

What the hell happened?



   

                   

The job got fucked!



   

                   

Fuckin' Billy

shot the counter girl.



   

                   

Then he made me

take him to breakfast...



   

                   

then he tried to kill me

so I stuck a fork in his neck.



   

                   

I'm not sure if I killed him or not.



   

                   

In any case, I got the money

but we gotta go on a little vacation.



   

                   

Whoa, whoa, whoa.



   

                   

Did I just hear you say

you think that y'all killed someone?



   

                   

I didn't kill anyone.

Billy killed that counter girl,



   

                   

except for maybe

I killed Billy. I'm not sure.



   

                   

Maybe? What the hell

are you saying?



   

                   

I told you I stuck a fork

in his neck and it looked to me like



   

                   

he was getting ready to bleed to

death in the not so distant future.



   

                   

- What you do that for?

- I told you!



   

                   

He killed that girl and it looked

like he was ready to kill me!



   

                   

I can't believe that asshole

actually killed someone.



   

                   

Well, he sure as hell did.

And we sure as hell got to get



   

                   

the hell out of Dodge pronto

till things cool off a bit.



   

                   

- You got the money?

- It's in the car.



   

                   

Where we gonna go?



   

                   

Well, I was thinkin' Mexico

sounds pretty good.



   

                   

- How about you?

- Mexico?



   

                   

Watty, are you shitting me?

Your gonna take me to Mexico?



   

                   

Oh my God!

That'll be so much fun.



   

                   

- We can practice our Spanish.

- We sure can.



   

                   

What should I bring?

What's the weather like?



   

                   

- Hot.

- I don't have to bring much, do I?



   

                   

- Hey...

- What?



   

                   

You know you don't have

to come with me, Star.



   

                   

Baby, I'd follow you to Oklahoma.



   

                   

- You mean that, baby?

- I sure do.



   

                   

Well all right.



   

                   

- ( sighs ) Wait, wait.

- What?



   

                   

- Come on, Star.

- I just wanta take a picture.



   

                   

I wanta remember you face.

Come on.



   

                   

- What are you doin'?

- You know what I'm doin', baby.



   

                   

You make me feel so good.



   

                   

It's the sole reason why

the good Lord put me on this earth.



   

                   

( man clears his throat )

Huh-Hum.



   

                   

I apologize for the rude

interruption, ma'am.



   

                   

You shouldn't be hanging around with

this larcenist variety of white trash.



   

                   

Well, well.



   

                   

If it isn't my favorite

ex-convict, Watty Watts.



   

                   

Why Ranger Rex,

what a pleasant surprise.



   

                   

I'm so glad

you could stop on over...



   

                   

but seeing how you don't

have a warrant...



   

                   

I'm afraid I'm gonna have

to cut our visit a little short.



   

                   

Oh, how thoughtless of me, Watts.



   

                   

I plumb forgot all about my warrant.



   

                   

Here, let me reacclimate

your privates for you.



   

                   

You mother fucker!



   

                   

Easy there, missy.



   

                   

Simp just had four cups

of that Italian coffee.



   

                   

He's a little twitchy.



   

                   

Fuck you!



   

                   

( coughing )



   

                   

Whoo, I bet that hurt

pretty good, huh cowboy?



   

                   

With all the go-go juice up

in your little cojones.



   

                   

( coughing )



   

                   

Yeah, me and Simp were just

cruising the neighborhood,



   

                   

knowing your feeling towards

robbing and stealing



   

                   

we just stopped on in

to have us a little chat.



   

                   

Well, I've been livin' the

straight and narrow



   

                   

so why don't you take your

chicken-fried, fascist ass,



   

                   

out of my fuckin' house

before I call the cops.



   

                   

( grunts )



   

                   

We are the cops, shit brain.



   

                   

( cocks hammer )



   

                   

You know what it feels like

to hold a gun up to a punk's head?



   

                   

I don't really like guns.



   

                   

Feels real good.



   

                   

I guess you wouldn't be knowing

nothin' about a particular messy



   

                   

convenience store job

over in Creedmore?



   

                   

The way I see it,

a few jokers went in there...



   

                   

looking for a big score...



   

                   

lost their cool and blew a

two-by-two hole



   

                   

in the back of one pretty

little cashier's head.



   

                   

Now normally...



   

                   

( cocks gun )



   

                   

...this would be just another

big night in Texas.



   

                   

But, it just so happens the cashier

was a local sheriff's little girl.



   

                   

You know what

that makes her, Watts?



   

                   

A very bad trip.



   

                   

A very bad trip for whoever

pulled that trigger.



   

                   

And seeing how the sheriff of

Creedmore happens to be my brother,



   

                   

what do you think that makes

that dead little girl to me, Watts?



   

                   

Huh?



   

                   

Your wife?



   

                   

- Watty.

- That's right...



   

                   

that makes her my niece.



   

                   

And what does that mean?



   

                   

It means I might have to smoke the

low-rent punk that blew her away.



   

                   

And seeing I got my sights on you,



   

                   

you might want to consider

something very seriously.



   

                   

You see I'm on the right side

of the law.



   

                   

That means I can get away

with murder.



   

                   

Course you being on

the wrong side...



   

                   

that puts you in rather

a bad pinch, don't it?



   

                   

I can smell that job

all over you, Watts.



   

                   

Like a six-day-old

pair of underwear.



   

                   

I didn't do shit, man.

( grunts )



   

                   

I'm sorry.



   

                   

Fuck you, you son-of-a-bitch!



   

                   

I'll fuckin' take your life.

I swear to God.



   

                   

- ( grunting )

- I'll kill you.



   

                   

Goddamn you, son-of-a-bitch.



   

                   

Get this fuckin' bitch

off of me!



   

                   

I'll fuckin' kill you!

I swear to God I will!



   

                   

Simp, shoot this piece of shit.



   

                   

Oh fuck.



   

                   

It's beautiful.



   

                   

It's so fuckin' pretty.



   

                   

( upbeat rock music plays )



   

                   

* You're a ghost on the highway *



   

                   

* And I love you forever *



   

                   

* Ghost on the highway *



   

                   

* And I love you forever *



   

                   

* Forever and ever *



   

                   

* And ever and ever... *



   

                   

Watty: We were heading to San Antone

to say good-bye to Star's parents



   

                   

and I just couldn't get the

image of Clarence out of my head.



   

                   

Billy had been right:



   

                   

Once you smell someone frying...



   

                   

you can't ever

think clearly again.



   

                   

Before all this happened,



   

                   

I'd entertained notions of moving

out of Texas with Star as my wife



   

                   

and tryin' to make

a straight go of it.



   

                   

I'd begun to feel that luck

was an unrenewable resource



   

                   

and my days as a felon

were numbered.



   

                   

If we made it across

the border...



   

                   

I would definitely

entertain the notion



   

                   

of taking up auto mechanics.



   

                   

Which is the only other thing

I know how to do.



   

                   

I didn't feel much

for the cops that we killed.



   

                   

They would have done

the same thing to us,



   

                   

and walked away smiling.



   

                   

* My right hand holds

a cold bottle *



   

                   

* My left hand holds

a half a fifth of gin *



   

                   

* My right arm reaches out

for her to hold me *



   

                   

* But my left arm

still embraces a life of sin *



   

                   

* We had ourselves

the sweetest little family *



   

                   

* We laughed and sang *



   

                   

* and had a lot of fun... *



   

                   

( ringing )



   

                   

Woman:

Hello?



   

                   

Hello. Mrs. Cheatham.



   

                   

- Yes.

- Hi. This is Woody...



   

                   

...Woodpeck.



   

                   

I'm a friend of your daughter.



   

                   

Starlene?

You're a friend of Starlene's?



   

                   

( sighs )



   

                   

We haven't heard from her

in along while.



   

                   

Hello? Hello?



   

                   

Are you there?



   

                   

Hello?



   

                   

* My right hand holds

a vial of tranquillizers *



   

                   

* My left hand holds a loaded    *



   

                   

Turn that down a bit,

please Star.



   

                   

There's something

I wanta ask you, Star.



   

                   

Well ask it.



   

                   

I just don't know

what the future will hold...



   

                   

and if I should ever end up

face down in a narrow grave



   

                   

I just don't know

what you'd do.



   

                   

Yeah?



   

                   

There's somethin'

I just need to know.



   

                   

There's somethin'

I just gotta ask you.



   

                   

Yeah?



   

                   

Starlene, you know I love you, baby.



   

                   

I'd go to hell and back

just to see you smile.



   

                   

And I know you'd do the same for me.



   

                   

Radio: The killers of the two

Texas Rangers have been identified



   

                   

as Watty Watts

and Starlene Cheatham.



   

                   

They're descried as a Caucasian

male and female...



   

                   

in their early twenties...



   

                   

and are suspected to be driving

a blue      Plymouth Roadrunner.



   

                   

If you have any information

related to this insidious,



   

                   

senseless and violent crime,



   

                   

please call  - OO-FOR-CRIME.



   

                   

Now back to the hits that made

America great.



   

                   

Starlene...



   

                   

Yeah?



   

                   

Will you marry me?



   

                   

Wattford Reynold Watts,



   

                   

I sure as hell will marry you

right here and now.



   

                   

Goddamn! All right!



   

                   

I can't believe it.



   

                   

Hey, hey, hey...



   

                   

Look at what I got you,

sweetheart.



   

                   

Oh, my God.

Oh my--



   

                   

Oh my God.



   

                   

You got me a ring!



   

                   

- It's for me?

- Uh-huh.



   

                   

It's so beautiful.

Would you look at that?



   

                   

It looks like real diamonds

and everything.



   

                   

Well they are. I drove clear

over to Tyler to get 'em.



   

                   

Baby, how did you ever afford

to buy this for me?



   

                   

I've been saving up.



   

                   

Well... are we ready to begin

with the ceremony?



   

                   

( together )

We are your honor.



   

                   

Okay, kids, here we go.



   

                   

Now, do you, ah...



   

                   

Wattford Reynold Watts.



   

                   

Wattford Reynold Watts...



   

                   

take this woman...



   

                   

to be your lawful wedded wife?



   

                   

I do.



   

                   

And do you, ah...



   

                   

Television:

Watty and Starlene.



   

                   

Crazed killers with drop-dead

good looks...



   

                   

murders, movie stars or both.



   

                   

- Next on Crime Spree.

- ( trigger cocks )



   

                   

Um, I'm awfully sorry to be

pointing this here gun at you,



   

                   

Justice Thurman, sir, but...



   

                   

it looks like we're wanted

and I wanta marry this girl



   

                   

right here and now.



   

                   

Looks like it's gonna be

a shotgun wedding, hon.



   

                   

And what if I say no?



   

                   

Then I probably have

to shoot you dead.



   

                   

So, where were we

in the ceremony?



   

                   

Well, I just said ''I do.''



   

                   

Right. So, do you, um...



   

                   

Starlene Cheatham.



   

                   

Take this man to be your

lawful wedded husband?



   

                   

I sure as hell do.



   

                   

Well then, uh, here,

give her the ring, son.



   

                   

Oh, thank you very much,

Justice Thurman, sir.



   

                   

here you go, sweetheart.



   

                   

You may kiss the girl.



   

                   

Don't you try anything

Justice Thurman, sir.



   

                   

Okay, Watt, smile.



   

                   

Here, you don't mind taken'

one of us right quick,



   

                   

before we tie your arms?



   

                   

I guess not.



   

                   

Thank you, sir.

I feel real bad about this, but...



   

                   

I can tell you that you've performed

a most gracious and noble deed.



   

                   

And don't think we don't

appreciate your cooperation.



   

                   

Oh, hey...

one more time.



   

                   

( giggling )

Okay.



   

                   

Thanks. I mean we can't rightly

be spending our honeymoon



   

                   

in the slammer now, can we?



   

                   

No, they don't let you have sex

in the slammer, son.



   

                   

Oh, Justice Thurman, sir,



   

                   

I'm just gonna have to, uh...



   

                   

disconnect your phone, but,

I'm gonna put it in the bushes



   

                   

so you can retrieve it

later on.



   

                   

Makes sense I guess.



   

                   

Can I get you a book

or something like that?



   

                   

Well, uh...



   

                   

if you could turn me toward

the television,



   

                   

I'd be much obliged.



   

                   

Okay. The count of three, baby.



   

                   

One, two, three.



   

                   

Mr. Thurman, sir,

this is something I hate to do,



   

                   

but I'm afraid

I'm gonna have to it.



   

                   

You just tell me if it

feels real uncomfortable.



   

                   

That feel okay.



   

                   

- Honey, look at him.

- Yeah, well...



   

                   

I'm afraid we're gonna have

to get goin', but...



   

                   

I'm gonna have to steal your car,



   

                   

but I'm gonna be leaving you

mine, okay?



   

                   

So, she's a     

Plymouth Roadrunner...



   

                   

She's a bute. So we'll consider

this more than a fair exchange.



   

                   

Now you take real good care

she's a collector's item.



   

                   

Thank you very much.



   

                   

Thanks for making our

relationship legal.



   

                   

Oh...



   

                   

We won't ever forget

this moment.



   

                   

( laughing )



   

                   

( buzzing )



   

                   

Just do it fast...



   

                   

and keep doin' it hard.



   

                   

Make sure you get

them wings right, okay?



   

                   

You got it.



   

                   

You are so radical now.



   

                   

- Shut up.

- You shut up.



   

                   

Look, I gotta concentrate

here, okay?



   

                   

I'm gonna go to the store

and get some K-Y and some cigarettes.



   

                   

Good.



   

                   

Sorry about all the blood, man.

I've never done a head before.



   

                   

Yeah, a lot of blood

in the head.



   

                   

Yeah, whatever, man.



   

                   

Ow...



   

                   

What the fuck

are you doin', man?



   

                   

Sorry, man.



   

                   

- ( buzzing )

- Ow...



   

                   

See now, I guarantee you

don't want to fuck with me.



   

                   

Is that right?



   

                   

Shit.

What the fuck y'all doin' here?



   

                   

Givin' you a tattoo, baby.

( laughing )



   

                   

Now, sit your ass back down

in this chair



   

                   

so I can finish what he started.



   

                   

Creepy...



   

                   

( cocks gun )



   

                   

Hey...



   

                   

what the fuck is up

with you guys?



   

                   

You think you can

just come in my place



   

                   

and start fucking with the

customers, huh?



   

                   

That is exactly what I think.



   

                   

You have a problem with that?



   

                   

No. You guys are cool.



   

                   

Sit down, don't speak

till you're spoken to.



   

                   

Okay.



   

                   

Billy...



   

                   

I almost didn't recognize you, Bill.



   

                   

- Nice tattoo.

- Thank you.



   

                   

Believe it or not, I used to be

quite an artist with a needle...



   

                   

In all sorts of ways.

( chuckling )



   

                   

Put a needle in my hand,

I'm a regular Victor Van Gogh.



   

                   

Van Gogh cut his own ear off.



   

                   

That's right, Creepy.



   

                   

Bet you didn't know that, Billy.



   

                   

- Yeah, I did know it.

- I think I missed a spot.



   

                   

( buzzing - screams )



   

                   

Oh, there's another one.



   

                   

( screams )

Fuck you!



   

                   

- You drive fast, Billy.

- Yeah, real fast.



   

                   

But I admire that in a man.



   

                   

I like a man who dances

with speed.



   

                   

Hey, how is that crystal

treatin' you?



   

                   

Look, it's fuckin' great.



   

                   

I know you guys always

done me right.



   

                   

That's right.

We always done you right!



   

                   

Shut up, Creepy!



   

                   

I wouldn't do that, Billy.



   

                   

Now what Creepy

meant to say, Billy...



   

                   

is that we always considered

you to be a good friend.



   

                   

We done a lot of nice

things for you.



   

                   

It's only logical that we'd

expect you to do the same for us.



   

                   

Don't you think

that's logical, Billy?



   

                   

Yeah.

I think that's fuckin' logical.



   

                   

Now, why were you driving

so fast to San Antone?



   

                   

You got some family down here?



   

                   

( laughing )



   

                   

I'm here to get a taco,

what the fuck is it to you?



   

                   

You know what, Billy,

I don't like your tone.



   

                   

( screams )



   

                   

This would have noting' to do

with Watty Watts,



   

                   

and that little job y'all

pulled off over in Creedmore?



   

                   

We're lookin' for Watty.



   

                   

We want to see if he can give

a hand with this little problem



   

                   

that we're having.



   

                   

You that's too fuckin' bad,



   

                   

'cause I haven't seen that

son-of-a-bitch in a month.



   

                   

That's not the answer

I wanted to hear.



   

                   

That's not the answer

we wanted to hear, asshole.



   

                   

( door slams )



   

                   

- Whoops, wrong place.

- Hey, up against the wall.



   

                   

Sweetheart...



   

                   

sit down next to Tattoo Joe

over there...



   

                   

if you want to retain

that full figure of yours.



   

                   

You guys mind if I smoke?



   

                   

Smoke 'em up, honey.



   

                   

Whoo-Whoo!



   

                   

Choo-Choo-Choo.



   

                   

Creepy, lock the door

and turn off the neon.



   

                   

Billy...



   

                   

Billy, Billy, Billy,

Billy, Billy.



   

                   

I have something to confess to you.



   

                   

I lied about being

a tattoo artist.



   

                   

I really don't know what

the hell I'm doing.



   

                   

Fuckin' shit.



   

                   

It is gettin' a little unsanitary,

don't you think?



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

But the lure of the arts

have always held sway over me...



   

                   

and I will be glad to continue.



   

                   

That is if you don't want to tell me

the right answers to my questions.



   

                   

You want to tell me the right answers,

don't you, Billy?



   

                   

Yeah, I guess so.



   

                   

Oh, Billy.



   

                   

You gotta let me get a piece

of that action.



   

                   

All we want is what we're owed.



   

                   

Plus a little interest.



   

                   

Yeah.

A little interest.



   

                   

Come on, Billy...



   

                   

let's get out of this piss hole.



   

                   

Wait a minute.



   

                   

Wait a minute.



   

                   

I want to give you something.

You look a little tuckered out.



   

                   

This is gonna perk you up.



   

                   

This is extra special stuff.



   

                   

We've been on it all week.



   

                   

It will develop

your killer instinct.



   

                   

Bulls eye. I'm gonna

fill you with love.



   

                   

One one-thousand,

Two one-thousand...



   

                   

Three!

Are you ready to rock, Billy?



   

                   

I was born on a green light,

daddyo!



   

                   

( fast-paced music playing )



   

                   

( screaming )

Hey, Billy!



   

                   

( doorbell rings )



   

                   

Woman: I'll get it, honey.

Just go on watching your show.



   

                   

Just a minute,

I'll be right there.



   

                   

- Hi, mom.

- ( screams )



   

                   

( laughing )

Starlene! Oh, baby!



   

                   

I haven't seen you for so long.



   

                   

Well, here I am!



   

                   

Mom, what's with that gun?



   

                   

Nothing honey.



   

                   

I never answer the door

after dark without it.



   

                   

Why don't you just hand me

over that gun now, okay?



   

                   

Who is that good lookin'

young stud there with you?



   

                   

Howdy, Tahylene.



   

                   

You just come here right now

and get you some sugar, Watty.



   

                   

You been stayin' out of jail?



   

                   

- Yes, ma'am.

- That's good.



   

                   

Um-hum.



   

                   

Oh my God.

Look at that ring.



   

                   

Oh! Oh my God.

Is that what I think it is?



   

                   

Me and Watty tied the knot.



   

                   

( both screaming )



   

                   

Far fuckin' out.

Y'all are married?



   

                   

That's right, ma.



   

                   

Oh, baby.



   

                   

- Wait till your daddy hears.

- Yeah.



   

                   

- Vergil!

- Daddy!



   

                   

Vergil, you're not

gonna believe this.



   

                   

Watty: Vergil ripped

his own throat open



   

                   

during a heavy acid trip

in the early sixties.



   

                   

Vergil was born poor...



   

                   

and when he read that

the government was paying students



   

                   

to participate in experiments

with psychedelic drugs...



   

                   

he volunteered.



   

                   

They dosed him with something

called BZ...



   

                   

Vergil lost it.



   

                   

He won a huge settlement

in court...



   

                   

which allowed him to live well

without workin'.



   

                   

Later in his life...



   

                   

Vergil lost the function

in his legs



   

                   

due to an amphetamine

addiction he acquired



   

                   

while tryin' to lose weight

so he could avoid the draft.



   

                   

He threw a clot

and lost the use of his legs.



   

                   

But Star's parents

have never been addicts...



   

                   

they're just handicapped,

suburban hippies.



   

                   

Praise the Lord!



   

                   

Well, Vergil,

I can't say I have as of yet.



   

                   

Well, yeah, Vergil,

I think that I do...



   

                   

I'm nothin'...

till I'm nothin'.



   

                   

Hey, thanks.

What is it?



   

                   

It's a far-out trip!



   

                   

Gee, thanks, Daddy...



   

                   

maybe you shouldn't have, huh ?



   

                   

Yeah, well, thank you kindly,

Vergil...



   

                   

See, me and Star we're headin'

down south to Mexico...



   

                   

for a long-term honeymoon.



   

                   

Well!



   

                   

So, what've you kids

been up to today?



   

                   

( nervous laughing )



   

                   

Well, we killed two cops

on the way over here...



   

                   

we got married and saw

ourselves on TV for the first time.



   

                   

( giggles )



   

                   

Well, my goodness,

that does sound like a full day!



   

                   

Starlene, I swear you ought

to be a fiction writer!



   

                   

You've got the weirdest

way of talking!



   

                   

Well, I hate to be

rushin' things...



   

                   

but me and Star we're on a

particularly tight time-table.



   

                   

We kinda gotta get going.



   

                   

At this hour?

Y'all just got here!



   

                   

Mama, it's my wedding night.



   

                   

Ready for a little sex?



   

                   

- Mom!

- Goddamn, Thaylene.



   

                   

God!



   

                   

Your daddy and me

want you guys to have this...



   

                   

as a stake for the future!



   

                   

What is it?



   

                   

Holy shit, Mom,

that's  O thousand dollars!



   

                   

Your daddy's been savin' up.



   

                   

That settlement pays us

pretty damn good, right?



   

                   

Whoo!



   

                   

Daddy!



   

                   

We're just happy knowin'

that y'all have it.



   

                   

Well, I don't know how

to thank y'all...



   

                   

that's about the nicest thing

anyone's ever done for us.



   

                   

Yeah.



   

                   

Well, Mexico's callin'!



   

                   

Yo vivo por Rojo Grande!



    

                   

Whoo!



    

                   

What's that mean?



    

                   

I live for Big Red.



    

                   

That's all I know in Spanish.



    

                   

Hey...



    

                   

maybe we ought to stop

in one of those small towns.



    

                   

We could hold up

in one of them little motels...



    

                   

and maybe you could give me

something that I kinda need.



    

                   

Oh, yeah?



    

                   

What's that?



    

                   

I think you know.



    

                   

Well, why don't you pull out

that road map there



    

                   

and find out where

the hell we are



    

                   

and where the hell

we oughta be?



    

                   

I love bein' on

the run with you, Watt.



    

                   

Coverin' the great state

of Texas like tornadoes...



    

                   

drinkin' that cheap diner

coffee with non-dairy creamer...



    

                   

runnin' from the cops,

runnin' from the Feds.



    

                   

They'll try and stop us,



    

                   

they'll try and hold down

on Watt and Starlene...



    

                   

but they can't...



    

                   

because we're movie stars.



    

                   

Desperadoes and outlaws

on the road to freedom.



    

                   

I swear to God, we remind me of

Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty.



    

                   

It's going to be just like

the movies, Watt.



    

                   

Just like the movies.



    

                   

Thank God we brought

the Polaroid.



    

                   

Umm...



    

                   

everybody, uh...



    

                   

gets caught and killed

in those movies, Star.



    

                   

Summer's upon us,

and as we all know



    

                   

the season brings with it

a heatwave of robbery...



    

                   

assault, rape...



    

                   

and murder.



    

                   

Remember folks...



    

                   

the only think standing between

you and the criminal vermin



    

                   

are your doors.



    

                   

So secure those doors

with the best.



    

                   

Titanium coated,

explosive dead bolts.



    

                   

From Hyperlock.



    

                   

Don't stay home without them.



    

                   

Next on Suburban Minutes...



    

                   

A retired school teacher buys

a gun and get even...



    

                   

( doorbell rings )



    

                   

Oh, who the hell could that be?



    

                   

Wouldn't that be nice.



    

                   

( laughs )



    

                   

Howdy, Miss Cheatham.



    

                   

I'm a friend of your daughter's.



    

                   

We had summer camp together.



    

                   

These are my friends

Bob and Creepy.



    

                   

Can we have a moment

of your time?



    

                   

( thunder crackles )



    

                   

Okay, you gonna do it

to me now?



    

                   

Uh-huh.



    

                   

We swear...



    

                   

on the sacrament

of our own blood...



    

                   

( together )

that we will die...



    

                   

before fallin' into

the hands of the law.



    

                   

'Cause stayin' free is better

than livin' in a cage.



    

                   

Now we burn it.



    

                   

You understand?



    

                   

Yeah.



    

                   

There's no turnin' back now.



    

                   

( slow guitar music playing )



    

                   

* Give me my lovin' *



    

                   

* Seven days a week *



    

                   

* I'll be your honey *



    

                   

* If you'll be sweet *



    

                   

* I know I'm the only one

for you *



    

                   

* I know that you think

this is not true *



    

                   

* Man says it's raining *



    

                   

* Raining outside *



    

                   

* I'll be out there

in a little while *



    

                   

* 'Cause you see,

rain reminds me of you *



    

                   

* And everything *



    

                   

* Has turned to you *



    

                   

* See you in places *



    

                   

* I'm following you *



    

                   

* You'll be upstairs *



    

                   

* And I'll be there too *



    

                   

* Every where you go

I will follow... *



    

                   

Goddamn, there's nothin'

good on.



    

                   

Fuckin' cable goin'

to the fuckin' dogs.



    

                   

Remember Thaylene, I'm gonna

take this gun out your face...



    

                   

when you're ready to say

something, okay?



    

                   

Vergil, why can't you tell me

how this thing works?



    

                   

It's the coolest thing

I've ever seen.



    

                   

( buzzing )



    

                   

Hey, speak up.

I can't hear you.



    

                   

Oh yeah...



    

                   

( sighs )

Oh, Vergil!



    

                   

Shame on you.



    

                   

I love this thing.



    

                   

Hey, Creepy, we oughta

set you up with one of these.



    

                   

- Suck it, Bob.

- Okay.



    

                   

- ( buzzes )

- ( laughs )



    

                   

Now, Vergil...



    

                   

I wanna talk to you

man to hippie...



    

                   

I know that you don't want

to see pretty, trippy...



    

                   

Thaylene's brains blown out

all over the place.



    

                   

And I want you to know

I'm a man of honor.



    

                   

I've never hurt a bitch

unless she had it comin'.



    

                   

Now...



    

                   

You know that we are lookin'

for Watty Watts?



    

                   

Yeah, we want to see

if he can give a hand



    

                   

with this little problem

that we're havin'.



    

                   

That's right.

A helpin' hand.



    

                   

I was hopin' that you...



    

                   

would also give is a hand

with the same situation.



    

                   

More specifically, I was hopin'

you would give us a finger.



    

                   

( muffled scream )



    

                   

It's like someone turned the

volume down on his ass.



    

                   

( laughs )

He's flippin' me off.



    

                   

Maybe we oughta let her talk.

She's all crying and shit.



    

                   

Fuck you, Billy!



    

                   

You always were a little

fuckin' bleedin' heart.



    

                   

But I guess it's a good thing

for you and Vergil, huh?



    

                   

All right.



    

                   

Sure.



    

                   

Let her talk, Billy.



    

                   

You fuckin' piece of shit!

I'll kill you.



    

                   

I'll kill you if you touch him.

If you touch him...



    

                   

I'll kill you, you bastard!



    

                   

Tell me where they went.



    

                   

- No! No!

- Give me your finger, Vergil.



    

                   

Oh! No!



    

                   

- Thay...

- No!



    

                   

Thay...



    

                   

Oh my God.

They're probably in Mexico by now.



    

                   

- You fuckin' piece of shit.

- Bob: ( laughing )



    

                   

Thank you!



    

                   

- ( screams )

- Back off of me!



    

                   

Shut up!

Shut the fuck up!



    

                   

Creepy...



    

                   

get that Eisenhower

out of your pocket.



    

                   

'Cause I'm gonna play

a game with y'all.



    

                   

Doesn't that sound fun?



    

                   

Creepy here, he's gonna throw

that coin up in the air...



    

                   

Billy Boy,

you're gonna call it...



    

                   

if he gets it right

then y'all get to live.



    

                   

Doesn't that sound fair?

Huh?



    

                   

All right, Creepy...



    

                   

Chuck it.



    

                   

Call it, Billy.



    

                   

( exhales )

Heads.



    

                   

Tails.



    

                   

( buzzes )



    

                   

Y'all lose.



    

                   

Oh, shit!



    

                   

There's that son-of-bitch's

girlfriend on the Goddamn TV.



    

                   

TV announcer: Patching into a live,

on-the-air interview...



    

                   

...with Starlene.



    

                   

Starlene, are you there?



    

                   

- I sure am.

- How are you doing?



    

                   

We're doin' great.



    

                   

Look, I just wanta call up

and let all our fans know



    

                   

that we did

what we had to do for love.



    

                   

We're not blood thirsty killers,

we're just newlyweds.



    

                   

I apologize to the families of

those cops that got killed, but they--



    

                   

( groans )



    

                   

...We'll be right back

with more of our exclusive...



    

                   

on-the-air, live telephone

interview with Starlene.



    

                   

On the Crime Channel.



    

                   

Tough people. Tough news.



    

                   

Tough reporting.

We'll be right back.



    

                   

Trip on this, Thaylene.



    

                   

( gagging )



    

                   

Fuck! Fuckin' bitch!



    

                   

Fuck it!

( groans in pain )



    

                   

Oh, shit, my guts.



    

                   

My guts are comin' out.



    

                   

Creepy, somebody...



    

                   

put my guts back in.



    

                   

Bite on this.

Bite on it. Bite on it.



    

                   

Bite!



    

                   

Don't even think about it

mother fucker!



    

                   

Don't even let the thought

cross your fuckin' mind.



    

                   

'Cause I swear to God

I will kill you.



    

                   

I ain't thinkin' about nothin',

all right?



    

                   

What is that smell?



    

                   

Damn that stinks.



    

                   

You tell 'em, Bob.

You tell 'em, man.



    

                   

You're gonna make it.

You'll make it, Bob.



    

                   

You'll make it, 'cause...



    

                   

'cause you gotta make it.



    

                   

Right?



    

                   

Bob?



    

                   

Fuck you, Creepy.



    

                   

Bob?



    

                   

You okay, Bob?



    

                   

Bob, what's happen?



    

                   

Oh fuck! Oh fuck!



    

                   

Oh fuck.



    

                   

Shit man, Bob just died.



    

                   

Oh, man.

Why'd you say that to me?



    

                   

Why'd you have to say that?



    

                   

I was just tryin' to do

the right thing, Bob.



    

                   

Oh man!

Oh fuck!



    

                   

( whimpering )

Bob died, Billy.



    

                   

That's just too fuckin' bad,

Creepy.



    

                   

Son of a fuck--



    

                   

Fuckin' son-of-a-bitch!



    

                   

Why you doin this to me, man?



    

                   

( cocks gun )

'Cause I fuckin' like you.



    

                   

( hollers )



    

                   

( gunshot )



    

                   

Cool nickel plated   

burnin' into my hand.



    

                   

I prayed that I would have

to shoot no one with it...



    

                   

but I know that I'd kill

twelve men dead,



    

                   

before I'd ever let Star face

the cold, steel bars of jail.



    

                   

Okay, baby, this is it.

We gotta go.



    

                   

We'll cash the check

across the border...



    

                   

We'll be sippin' margaritas

by sunset.



    

                   

( groans )



    

                   

- Baby?

- Yeah?



    

                   

I was havin' a dream

about you.



    

                   

Uh-huh. A good dream?



    

                   

We were movie stars.



    

                   

You're the movie star, baby.



    

                   

- Hey, hon...

- Uh-huh.



    

                   

I guess you got a pretty good

idea how to use this.



    

                   

- I guess I do.

- Yeah.



    

                   

You just remember what

you promised, okay?



    

                   

I remember.



    

                   

Come on, baby move those

sweet little cheeks



    

                   

'cause we gotta vamonos.



    

                   

Make sure you get those

traveller's checks, okay?.



    

                   

We don't want to get

ripped off.



    

                   

Okay.



    

                   

Hey...



    

                   

be cool, baby.



    

                   

Watt, I was born to be cool.



    

                   

( ticking )



    

                   

Did you ever have the sensation



    

                   

that there were eyes

in the back of your head?



    

                   

And those eyes were lookin'

at something



    

                   

that was lookin' at you.



    

                   

And you didn't know what it was

they were lookin' at



    

                   

but you knew it was somethin'.



    

                   

I just kept tellin' myself,

that life



    

                   

has only as many pressures

as you create for it.



    

                   

And I was concentrating extra

hard on minimizing ours.



    

                   

( heart beating )



    

                   

Watt!



    

                   

Get down! Get down!



    

                   

What the hell are you doin'?



    

                   

What the hell

are you doin'?



    

                   

Nothin' I got the money.

Let's go.



    

                   

Why were you runnin'

like that?



    

                   

- Like what?

- Like a bat out of hell.



    

                   

- What about them cops?

- What about 'em?



    

                   

They was makin' a deposit.



    

                   

It's a bank.



    

                   

They didn't see you

or nothin'?



    

                   

Yeah, they winked at me.

It's would be so easy Watt.



    

                   

Easy as pie.



    

                   

Would you get in

the fuckin' car!



    

                   

I almost blew the whole

fuckin' place up!



    

                   

- Goddamn, Star!

- Sorry.



    

                   

Watty, look.



    

                   

Yeah, I can see it.



    

                   

Isn't it good luck to pass in

front of a funeral procession?



    

                   

- You think so?

- Yeah. I think so.



    

                   

- Oh, shit!

- What?



    

                   

- We're out of film.

- So?



    

                   

I can't believe I let you

talk me into this.



    

                   

This is a bad fuckin' idea.



    

                   

Just simmer down.

Worry, worry wart.



    

                   

- It's just gonna take a minute.

- I'm gonna wait outside.



    

                   

Fine.



    

                   

- Hi there.

- Howdy.



    

                   

I want me three cartons of

that Polaroid  OO film, please.



    

                   

Yes, ma'am.

Instant happiness.



    

                   

( laughing )

Yeah.



    

                   

Just a minute, I gotta go

in the back and get it.



    

                   

Okay.



    

                   

...movie stars or both?



    

                   

You decide.



    

                   

Have you seen these

larcenist lovelies?



    

                   

This just in...



    

                   

We have the results

of the Watty and Starlene poll.



    

                   

And seventy-five percent say

the two misguided lovebirds are...



    

                   

Innocent.



    

                   

Ohh!



    

                   

What the hell you doin'?



    

                   

I just wanted to see if we won

them polls, honey.



    

                   

Here you go, ma'am.



    

                   

Thank you.



    

                   

Hey, mister?



    

                   

Can I have your autograph?



    

                   

What are you talking about?



    

                   

What the hell do you want

my autograph for?



    

                   

'Cause you're on TV mister.



    

                   

Here you go, man.

We gotta go now!



    

                   

What's your fuckin' problem?



    

                   

- That is my fuckin' problem.

- Oh.



    

                   

What about your change?



    

                   

Consider it a bonus.

Merry fuckin' Christmas.



    

                   

Thanks.



    

                   

Don't you make me

drop this film.



    

                   

Brilliant fuckin' idea, Star.

We almost got made in there.



    

                   

I know, honey.

But we got the film.



    

                   

Fuck the film!



    

                   

The fuckin' film almost

fucked us permanently



    

                   

and put the fuckin' possibility

of it fuckin' us further



    

                   

out of your fuckin' mind.



    

                   

Six times.



    

                   

You just said fuck or fuckin'

six times in three sentences.



    

                   

- Oh... Oh great.

- What?



    

                   

Great. It's the fuckin' cops.



    

                   

Okay, Star.

We're gonna play this real cool.



    

                   

Cool as ice cream.



    

                   

This guy doesn't even know

who the hell we are.



    

                   

( tapping )



    

                   

Excuse me sir,

I have to tell you I noticed your...



    

                   

...registration sticker's

gonna expire this month.



    

                   

Well you don't say.



    

                   

Didn't I tell you about that

the other day?



    

                   

You sure did, sweetheart.

And I put the check in the mail.



    

                   

You see officer,

we got everything in motion.



    

                   

This car should be legalized

in mere days.



    

                   

And you can rest assured

that we'll do our part



    

                   

in keeping the rules and regulations

that make this country great.



    

                   

Well...



    

                   

Y'all have a good day now.



    

                   

- Drive safe.

- Bye-bye.



    

                   

Thank God he's gone.

( sighs )



    

                   

I hope y'all don't mind

me askin', but uh...



    

                   

Haven't I seen you

somewhere before?



    

                   

I don't think so.



    

                   

I swear to God,

y'all look so familiar to me.



    

                   

- I don't think so.

- We gotta be goin'.



    

                   

We're gonna be late for church.



    

                   

I swear to God...



    

                   

I could of sworn

I seen you on the TV.



    

                   

Okay.



    

                   

I know where I seen

you guys now.



    

                   

- Honey, what's he doin'?

- I real sorry, y'all...



    

                   

I gonna have to ask you

to get out of the car real slow.



    

                   

Put your hands on your head--

( gunshot )



    

                   

Who the hell

just shot that cop?



    

                   

( hammer cocks ) Start drivin'

or you're next fuckface.



    

                   

Jesus, Billy Mack.

What the fuck are you doin' here?



    

                   

I'm not havin'

a very good day today.



    

                   

So don't fuck around

with me, okay?



    

                   

You look like such a fuckin'

loser with that tattoo, Billy.



    

                   

( cocks gun ) And I bet I can pull

this trigger faster than you can...



    

                   

What do you say?



    

                   

Put that damn gun down Star,

before I get killed.



    

                   

No Watty, you put your gun down.

I know what I'm doin'.



    

                   

But after Billy blows

my fuckin' head off...



    

                   

It won't matter now, will it?



    

                   

Well why do you have

to point that gun at me, huh?



    

                   

I don't know, baby.

Just instinct I guess.



    

                   

For your information,

I was only gonna blow his brains out



    

                   

on your account.



    

                   

You guys shut the fuck up

before I kill both of you, okay?



    

                   

Oh yeah, Billy Mack.

How are you gonna kill both of us?



    

                   

Yeah, Billy, you may kill me

before she kills you...



    

                   

and you may not,

but you're bound to die either way.



    

                   

You guys are fuckin' crazy.



    

                   

All right, everybody just calm

the fuck down here, okay Billy?



    

                   

you don't want to kill us,

and we don't want to kill you...



    

                   

especially with a cop lyin'

here and everyone all around...



    

                   

so why don't we just put our

guns down on three, okay?



    

                   

Okay.



    

                   

Okay...



    

                   

Okay. Now, altogether...



    

                   

One...



    

                   

Two...



    

                   

Three.



    

                   

( guns clicking )



    

                   

Just fuckin' remember

that I can kill one of y'all



    

                   

before the other can get to me.



    

                   

Then y'all will be separated...

Ooh!



    

                   

Drive the fuckin' car.



    

                   

( engine starts - sirens approaching )



    

                   

Starlene, what the fuck

are you doing?



    

                   

Puttin' on makeup.



    

                   

In case we get killed,

I wanna make sure I look good



    

                   

for those cameras.



    

                   

You just remember, Billy Mack

you gotta die, die good.



    

                   

( buzzing )



    

                   

( speaking Spanish )



    

                   

How are you doing today?



    

                   

We're doin' fine, hombre.

Right, guys?



    

                   

That's right, honey.

''Hombre'' means ''man''.



    

                   

Yeah, and we're all excited

about practicin' our Spanish...



    

                   

- Senor!

- That was good!



    

                   

- Right, guys?

- Si!



    

                   

And what are you going to be

doing in Acuna, Mexico today?



    

                   

Buyin' stuff...



    

                   

Go shoppin', get some pinatas,

and stuff...



    

                   

( bottle sprays )



    

                   

Whoops!



    

                   

Look what I did!



    

                   

Did you see what I did?



    

                   

Okay if we go on, Senor?



    

                   

Have a good day in Acuna,

Mexico!



    

                   

Gracias.



    

                   

( salsa music plays )



    

                   

( horn sounds )



    

                   

Give me the fuckin' gun!



    

                   

I'll blow her fuckin'

brains out!



    

                   

Gimme that fuckin' gun!

Drop it!



    

                   

Watty, drop that fuckin' gun, man!



    

                   

Don't do it, Billy.

Don't fuckin' do it, man!



    

                   

Whoo-hooo!



    

                   

Get the fuck out of the car, c'mon!



    

                   

I'm real proud of you guys...



    

                   

you did real good back there!



    

                   

I almost feel like

we're a team again.



    

                   

I almost feel bad

about what I gotta do.



    

                   

You don't have

to do anything, Billy.



    

                   

I fuckin' do have to do

something, asshole.



    

                   

See, 'cause I got

these voices inside my head...



    

                   

What are they sayin' to you, Billy?



    

                   

( air needle fires )



    

                   

They're tellin' me

to get my ass in gear!



    

                   

- Is that comfortable, sweetie?

- Go to hell!



    

                   

'Cause I'm already there,

and you're givin' me a blow job!



    

                   

Party's over, kids!

Where's the fuckin' money?



    

                   

It's in the trunk, man.



    

                   

You don't wanna hurt her,

I'm the one you want.



    

                   

I know that, man,

I'm not fuckin' stupid!



    

                   

Goddamn, I'm the king

of Mexico!



    

                   

I'm the king

of the fuckin' world!



    

                   

Can we just talk,

huh, Billy?



    

                   

Just you and me, man...

just you and me.



    

                   

What the fuck are you doin'?

( cocks pistol )



    

                   

Don't you know I'll fuckin'

blow her brains out? Right now?



    

                   

You don't wanna hurt her, man..

she's your friend...



    

                   

we're all friends... we're just

a little high-strung right now



    

                   

this is a high-pressure

situation, remember, Billy...



    

                   

your life has only as many

pressures as you create.



    

                   

Don't make me fuckin'

shoot her, man...



    

                   

I shot so many people today!



    

                   

Billy, do you remember

in Huntsville on ''D'' Block?



    

                   

When they flushed your head

down the toilet...



    

                   

kicked you up something awful.

Do you remember what I did?



    

                   

Sure I fuckin' remember, Watty.



    

                   

I went out and beat the shit

out of every one of them, man...



    

                   

I kicked their asses.

Me! And I'm not a violent man!



    

                   

Don't that mean

something, Billy?



    

                   

Don't that mean anything?



    

                   

That's past fuckin' history, Watty.

This is the present...



    

                   

and the point is,

you fucked me!



    

                   

And I'm sick of people

fuckin' with me!



    

                   

C'mon, tell the truth,

you're always fucking yourself!



    

                   

This has got nothing to do

with her, man!



    

                   

You just leave her alone,

you let her go...



    

                   

I'll get you the money...



    

                   

and you and me, man,

we can have it out.



    

                   

I don't fuckin' know, man...



    

                   

I been speedin' for the

past two days...



    

                   

and I'm not thinkin'

very clearly.



    

                   

Stay the fuck back!



    

                   

Okay, go get that fuckin' money

out of the car...



    

                   

and you bring it over here...



    

                   

and maybe I won't blow

her fuckin' brains out.



    

                   

And don't fuckin' try any shit.



    

                   

Hey Billy, I'm gonna show you

a little experiment, okay?



    

                   

No, fuck that!



    

                   

I'm gonna reach into my pocket

and pull out a dollar bill...



    

                   

so don't do

anything stupid, all right?



    

                   

( pistol clicks )



    

                   

You know anything about

reflexes, Billy?



    

                   

I know something about 'em.



    

                   

People's reflexes are a lot

slower than you might think.



    

                   

Take me, for example.

See this dollar bill in my hand?



    

                   

I bet if I drop it, my left hand

ain't fast enough to catch it.



    

                   

Let's see.



    

                   

See that?



    

                   

My left hand don't know

what my right hand is doing



    

                   

before it does it,

and they're my hands, man!



    

                   

What the fuck are you doing?!



    

                   

Now think if those reflexes

were someone else's...



    

                   

there just ain't

enough time to react.



    

                   

Now let's pretend

that my left hand...



    

                   

is that finger on the

trigger...



    

                   

and my right hand's me...



    

                   

there's a good chance you can't

pull that trigger



    

                   

before I knock you

upside the head.



    

                   

Know what I mean?



    

                   

Check it out.



    

                   

Motherfucker!



    

                   

( gunshots )



    

                   

( cocks gun )

I got you, you motherfucker!



    

                   

Yeah!



    

                   

( gun fires )



    

                   

( gun clicks )



    

                   

Fuck!



    

                   

Who's sitting on top of the

fuckin' world now, huh?



    

                   

Huh, motherfucker?



    

                   

Not you, Billy!



    

                   

( air needle fires )



    

                   

What did you...?



    

                   

I just killed you, you asshole.



    

                   

( groaning )



    

                   

Watty: I Ching, Hexagram   ...

Six at the top...



    

                   

When in the extremity of danger

a man loses his right way...



    

                   

he's entangled in his sins,

and has no means of escape.



    

                   

We had lost our way...



    

                   

We would find ourselves

in Mexico...



    

                   

I would work as a mechanic and

Star would appear on a talk show



    

                   

all the infinite possibilities

of a straight new life



    

                   

would spread out before us like

an ever-expanding pool of blood.



    

                   

I thought of the people

who had died...



    

                   

and I could hear all their

voices screaming in my head.



    

                   

Screaming, that death...



    

                   

is not sweet.



    

                   

I didn't know where

we were goin'...



    

                   

I didn't really know

where we had been.



    

                   

But I knew that

we were going together...



    

                   

and, for a fleeting moment,

I felt that we were free.



    

                   

Really free.









  

 
Special help by SergeiK