Love And Death On Long Island
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Love And Death On Long Island
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Jason Priestly and
John Hurt movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Love And Death On Long Island. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
[ Man ]
It is so difficult
to know where I should begin.
Especially when, unlike you,
I already know the ending.
But let us say that this story
began with the end of another,
far, far from the surf
of Long Island.
For many years, I had
absolutely no public life.
I had said, "No,"
to interviews so often,
it was widely
regarded as my forte.
Then, just once--
on impulse-- I said,
"Yes."
Does the th century
play any part in your life?
I'm sorry?
Do you, for instance,
use a word processor?
I'm a writer. I write.
I don't process words.
[ Interviewer ]
So, who do you write for?
Myself.
May I ask why
you're here today?
Well, I was
wondering that myself.
But... your...
colleague was... a friend...
of my late wife, who translated
for the World Service.
And, of course, I do have
a faint interest as to how
these things are done, you know.
You've never been
tempted to write for radio?
Or television?
I'm afraid not.
Would you permit your work
to be adapted for the screen,
now that even
E.M. Forster's been done?
Oh, I'd prefer
not to be done.
[ Interviewer ]
But he's been done rather well,
don't you think?
I've-- I've no idea.
I haven't been to the pictures
for quite some time.
One or two?
One?
[ Man ]
Hey, are you sure this
is the right window, man?
[ Man # ]
I-I don't know about this,
Corey. What if we get caught?
We're not gonna
get caught, jerk-off!
And any minute now that
room is gonna be filled
with butt-naked babes.
[ Boys Laughing ] Hey, big guy,
give me the camera.
[ Beeping Sound ]
Ahhh.
Oh, man!
Whoo-hoo!
Take it off,
please!
She is so totally hot!
Someone's coming!
Christ,
it's the Stomper!
Oh, I'm outta here!
What are you boys doing here?
You shouldn't be here!
This isn't E.M. Forster!
Hey, man, you got a rival.
Molly's in there with a guy!
What?
I'll kill him!
Come on.
Let's go!
Mikey?
You been beaten to it
by your kid brother!
I think it's time
for a pizza delivery, boys.
[ Laughing ]
Oh, wee.
Go get 'em, man!
Hoo-hoo!
Hey, what
are you doin'?
[ Mikey ]
Hey, cut it out!
Go, dude, go!
Kick his ass!
Corey!
What's up?
Hey, come on, man.
We can talk about this.
Yeah?
[ Audience Laughing ]
Hiya, Molly.
What's happenin', baby?
[ Molly ]
Hi, Corey.
[ Mikey ]
Come on, man. Put me
down! Put me down!
Corey, she made me do it.
Shut up,
you little jerk-off!
You're just trying
to make me jealous, huh?
Ah!
What a relief.
My wife must have
known this would happen.
Tell me, Mrs. Reed, you live
here alone now, don't you?
Yes.
Me alone.
But the... television.
The television?
It's mine. I like it.
You... watch
the pictures?
[ Man On TV] Your specialized
subject is Christopher Columbus.
You've two minutes starting now.
With subtitles.
By what name was
Columbus known in Spain?
Cristóbal Colón.
[ TVHost ]
Correct.
Of what did Columbus reputedly
become the first European
connoisseur?
Tobacco?
Correct.
How extraordinary.
Have you been
locked out all day?
No! No, no. I--
Just for a short while.
I went to the pictures.
The cinema.
The ci-ne-ma.
I'm ever so sorry
about yesterday.
And why is that?
About not being home
when you needed the keys.
Well, I can hardly dictate
what you do on your Sundays,
Mrs. Barker.
My sister in Whitstable's
been poorly.
Needs a bit
of helping out.
Is there anything else,
Mrs. Barker?
I was just going
to mention--
My sister and I heard you
on the wireless yesterday.
Tell me, you weren't
taught by Forster when
you were up at Cambridge?
Alas, no.
You know they're...
even adapting his work
for the pictures now?
Can't say that I approve.
It could have
been a lot worse.
- Er, the adaptation?
- The interview.
Oh. In what way?
It could have been
on television. That's a much...
greater intrusion,
I can tell you.
Do you know you can get
televisions that transcribe
what people say?
May I ask, would
that be another book?
Yes.
I'm afraid it is.
I don't know
how you do it.
Takes me all
my time to read one.
Well, as Gwen
always used to say,
it's easier to write one
than it is to read one
properly, Mrs. Barker.
[ Mutters ]
Yes,
I'm sure she did.
I can almost
hear her saying it.
I've never really approved
of the pre-Raphaelites.
Hmm?
Well, just look at him.
He's one of your sister's
favorites.
What's meant
to be going on?
Love letters, suicide--
that sort of thing?
More likely
to be rejections
from publishers.
Chatterton was
a writer.
Oh.
I must get around
to reading one
of your books, Giles.
There never seem to be
enough hours in the day.
Giles?
[ Thinking ]
Winsome, young, neoclassical.
Isolated...
by beauty, death.
No smoking, guv.
Thanks very much.
- I beg your pardon?
- It says, "No smoking."
No. It says,
"Thank you for not smoking."
As I am smoking,
I don't expect to be thanked.
Can I help you?
Uh-- Yes--
- One for number three, please.
- Come again?
- Uh, one adult for number three.
- What do you want to see, sir?
- The film in number three.
- Which?
Uh, Hotpants College II.
Thank you.
[ People Murmuring ]
[ Students Chattering ]
The college girls are back!
Let's go!
Come on!
Hang on! All right?
Come on, Mom. I gotta go.
Today's a big day.
Oh, yeah? What's
so special about it?
College girls
are back in town,
that's what.
Oh, I wish you'd
keep your mind on school,
Corey, like your brother.
Yeah. Yeah.
He finds time to work at
Chicken Burger. Why can't you?
[ Mom Coughing ]
Mom, I thought you were going
to see a doctor about that.
What a
fucking prat.
Shhh!
[ Giles Thinking ]
Ronnie Bostock.
R. Bostock, Esquire.
Bostock, brackets, Ronald.
"Hotpants College II:
Puerile romp without
a single redeeming feature."
Uh, you wouldn't have
any milk left, I suppose?
Mum. Milk.
U.H. T.?
U... H... T...?
Only this left.
Is okay?
It is milk, isn't it?
Abigail, we close now.
We're closing now.
[ Cash Register Beeping ]
"Out soon on video:
Hotpants College II...
"has even more
yummy guys than H.C. I,
"including mega-dreamboat
Ronnie Bostock.
"Next month,
find out how 'Bostie'fares...
"in our feature on 'Hollywood's
Most Snoggable Fellas'--
"Exclamation mark,
exclamation mark,
exclamation mark."
[ Cash Register Clatters ]
I'm sorry to disturb you,
but I can't find them anywhere.
Uh, Mrs. Barker,
I've been thinking that, uh,
it will be best if I was left
undisturbed in the afternoon.
My work is very taxing
at the moment.
What about your tea?
Oh, I'll call you when
I'm ready for it. But, um--
I must admit it's been...
odd this last week.
It's that funny milk.
Uh-uh, what is it
you were looking for?
The kitchen scissors.
[ Dog Barking ]
Skid Marks .
Tex Mex .
Hotpants College II
.
Mrs. Barker,
I'll take tea now!
Is it on the left?
Or right?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Imagined Quiz Master ]
And what is your
chosen specialized subject?
[ Thinking ]
The life and work
of Ronnie Bostock.
You have two minutes on the life
and work of Ronnie Bostock,
starting... now.
Ronnie Bostock was born
in Southern California but
where does he live now?
Chesterton, Long Island.
Correct. What is the name
of the dog which features...
prominently
in his publicity stills?
Strider.
Correct.
What is Ronnie Bostock's...
favorite reading material?
Stephen King
and science fiction.
Correct.
For what does Ronnie
have a self-confessed weakness?
Pizza?
Yes. I'll accept that.
It's actually pizza
with extra anchovies.
Under what circumstances
would Ronnie do a nude scene?
If it were tasteful...
And?
Correct.
essential to the plot.
Why was he not cast in the
original Hotpants College?
Uh, too young?
No. He was unable...
to break his contract
with the sitcom
Home Is Where The Heart Is.
What is Ronnie's favorite kind
of training shoe and why?
Reeboks, because
British stuff is cool.
Correct.
With which of his rock idols
was he recently photographed?
Axl Rose.
Correct. Ronnie claims to like
nothing better than hanging out
with the guys.
What exactly do
these "guys" mean to him?
I wonder.
[ Giles ]
Is that Chesterton there?
Chesterton.
You want?
Why not?
[ Clears Throat ]
For a change, yes?
[ Chuckles ]
Thank you.
I have, as usual, said
you're far too busy.
But it is a very
prestigious lecture,
Giles.
Would you advise me
against it?
As your agent,
I would strongly urge you
to do it. But... as a friend...
I wouldn't want to disturb your
work, which seems to be so...
invigorating, Giles.
I'll think about it.
Really?
Yes. I'm getting rather tired
of hearing myself say no.
Now, you can help me, Henry.
What exactly is a "sitcom"?
No good,
this program.
Really?
Here, this is
better. Dog.
Do you like dogs,
Mr. De'Ath?
Need any
help, sir?
Yes. I'm interested
in acquiring a video player.
Uh, these are
microwaves, sir.
Oh.
Video players
are over here.
[ Salesperson ] Let's start
with this little humdinger.
It's got it all, this one.
Nicam digital stereo,
long-play facility,
-day, eight-event timer,
two-speed slow motion--
My needs are rather limited.
But it's top
of the range, this one.
Oh, is it?
Yeah, and it's in your interest
to keep up with the technology.
I'll get it, Mrs. Barker!
Delivery
for Doctor Death.
Yes.
Is that your
real name, then?
Pronounced "Day-aa-th."
Bet you get
a lot ofjokes.
[ Mutters ]
Not since school.
Nice place.
All these books, they're
not all different, are they?
- You read them all?
- Could we, uh--
Right.
Where's your telly?
- I'm sorry?
- Gogglebox. TV.
[ Chuckles ]
No. I don't have one.
Blimey! Well, what
the hell's this for then?
Well, it's to watch
films on, actually.
Yeah, but-- but what
you gonna watch them on?
Well--
On the video?
Two pieces of identification,
one proof of address--
I believe that qualifies me
for membership.
There's a ten-pound deposit
so you don't nick nothing,
but you get a two-pound voucher
for Bernie's Pizza delivery.
You can take out
two tapes now
if you want.
Um--
Could I forfeit
my Bernie's Pizza voucher
for a third one?
That's out.
I'm-- I'm sorry?
Tex Mex.
Went out
an hour ago.
Really?
We only keep one
of everything unless it's
a big fuck off blockbuster.
I see.
That's in.
Harry-- Skid Marks.
No. Tape's buggered.
- Do you want to have another bash?
- Well, uh, uh--
Perhaps you have, uh,
Hotpants College II?
Harry! Hotpants I, II--
It's not out yet, is it?
Nah.
Got Hotpants I in.
Uh, may I place
a reservation
for Tex Mex?
No. There's
no reservations.
Uh, you mean I have
to wait two weeks, uh--
I hope not. You can only
keep them out overnight.
Isn't one allowed
two weeks at a library?
It takes two weeks
to read a book, doesn't it?
Those things are more
trouble than they're worth,
if you ask me.
Uh, Mrs. Barker.
I've been thinking
I should be...
starting to cope
a little better on my own.
So, I won't be needing you
after : in the afternoons.
But what about
your dinner?
Oh, I'm quite sure
that I can manage.
Oh, and I would...
prefer it if you--
if you didn't clean
in this room... at all.
What about the dust?
"The more one dusts,
the more dust one makes,"
is what Gwen always
used to say, Mrs. Barker.
This had better work.
Cool it, Pete. Have I ever
let you down before?
Make sure you land him
in the shit. 'Cause that's
what he's done to us.
Hey, hey, hey.
Here he comes. Here he comes.
Get down. Get down.
Now!
[ Rider Screaming ]
[ Horse Whinnies ]
Wow.
Awesome.
Oh, shit!
Too darn right, Bozo.
You're in deep shit.
Yeah, man.
You know what you are?
You're nothing
but a-- but a skid mark
on the underpants of life.
[ Ronnie, Pete Laugh ]
Yeah!
He's coming.
He's coming.
[ Ronnie ]
So, if you take the entrance
and project study--
[ Boys Laughing ]
[ Giles ]
If one has
to have a theme, Henry,
it would be...
the discovery of beauty
where no one ever thought
of looking for it.
Ah, yes. Familiar
territory for you.
Hardly. I have begun
to engage in completely
new subject matter.
New to me,
at least.
Splendid. At our time
of life, it's good
to tackle something new.
I was considering
golf, actually.
I could almost say
that it has brought me
into contact with...
everything that
I myself have never been.
But that must be all
for the time being, Henry.
Giles,
I'm very intrigued.
You may find it rather
difficult to get in touch
with me in the near future.
I'm finding it rather
difficult now, old chap.
Hey, Jake!
Hey, hey, what's
goin'on? Are you crazy?
Get out of the way, Johnny.
This ain't the way, Jake.
You heard what
Father Bryson said.
He said we all gotta
learn how to get along.
[Jake ] Yeah?
Well I'm tired of these Mexicans
taking jobs from my folks!
[Johnny ] They never took any
job you want and you know it!
Just get out of the way, Johnny.
I ain't going anywhere.
You want to get to these boys,
you have to go through me.
[Jake ]
Is that right?
[Johnny ] Yeah, that's right.
Oh, you did it now, Jake!
[ Groans ]
Save your breath,
my child.
Oh, I tried to tell him,
Father. I tried. I tried.
[ Father Bryson ]
Hush now. God knows what
you say is true, to be sure.
You were right, Father.
[ Panting, Groaning ]
We all got to try
to live together.
[Johnny ]
I'll never forget
what you said.
[ Groans, Expires ]
Johnny?
No!
[ Father Bryson ]
I promise you won't
die in vain, my child.
May the Lord have
mercy on your soul.
[ Thinking ]
Forgive me, Ronnie.
[ Giles ] For is it not the
case that when we are in
the habit of viewing a film...
more than once,
assisted by that technological
aide-memoire the video player,
then a remarkable
phenomenon
presents itself.
We see...
that what, at first,
appeared to be merely
accidental or unrehearsed...
becomes on subsequent
viewings an indelible part
of the film's texture.
A distant landscape,
a blurred face
in the crowd,
even a banal message
on a T-shirt.
So, the largely unrecognized
art of film acting...
depends entirely
on the ability of the actor--
or, indeed, actress--
to make everything
about himself--
uh, or herself--
seem equally permanent.
When, thus,
an actor is called upon
to smile,
he must try to select
a smile from a collection--
a repertoire-- a whole
file of smiles, as it were.
Naive,
rueful,
sly, sarcastic...
and so on.
Anyway, to return to my theme
of "The Death of the Future--"
Don't you think you've
been overdoing it, old chap?
We're not as young
as we used to be, after all.
Maybe you should...
take a break.
Go on a trip.
Do you the world of good.
A trip?
Yes. I-I know you think that
traveling for its own sake
is frivolous, but...
I must insist that
you seriously consider it.
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Beep ]
[ Answering Machine Message ]
This is Giles De'Ath speaking.
If your call is extremely urgent,
you may leave a brief message
after I finish speaking.
[ Beep ]
Good, Lord!
Giles? It's Henry.
You have an answer phone.
Whatever next?
[Jet Engine Roaring ]
[Jet Engine Roaring ]
But, um, isn't
there a guest house or
something of that nature?
Well, now,
there's a motel.
Motel?
Yeah. On the expressway.
Oh, no. That would be
out of the question.
The room is quiet?
We take a pride
in the secluded nature
of our accommodation.
How long will
you be with us?
Uh, at least
a week or two.
Are you touring
Long Island?
[ Nervous Chuckle ]
No. No, not really.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, a writer!
From London too.
Oh, my.
Well,
we're charmed to have you,
uh, Mister, uh--
De'Ath.
Well...
Mister, anything you want
to know about Chesterton...
you just ask me.
Hmmm.
[ Sighs ]
Oh--
Good Lord!
[ Patrons Chattering,
Utensils Clattering ]
You're lookin'
very spiffy today.
Sir?
You're looking very spiffy today.
Very attractive.
Oh, thank you.
Has Lou taken
your order yet?
I-I must admit I'm...
having a little difficulty
understanding the menu.
Get him a cup of coffee.
[ Giles ]
What would
you recommend?
Oh, we do
a great cheeseburger.
Oh, I think not.
The best hash browns
you ever tasted?
[ Chuckles ]
That rather goes
without saying.
There you are.
Thank you.
So... you're
from England, huh?
Yes.
You ever bumped into a fellow
by the name of Stan Brighouse?
I believe not.
An attractive man,
average-sized hands.
But he had breasts...
like a woman.
Very odd.
He was a nice person, though.
You should look him up.
Anyway, I'm Irv,
by the way.
Hence, "Chez d'Irv."
You got it.
Irving Buckmuller
at your service.
This area here...
is very attractive.
This is where a person
like you should be staying.
It's secluded?
Oh, you'll love it.
Yeah.
Where the odd celebrity
might hide out, no doubt.
Exactly. Exactly.
And you know what?
They all know Irv's.
Everyone of'em
knows Irv's. Right, Lou?
How you doin'?
Good morning.
- Hey, that's a great tie.
- Thank you.
Hire detective.
[ Woman Moaning ]
Bribe postman.
[ Pleasurable
Moans, Groans ]
[ Moaning,
Groaning Continue ]
This is too much!
[ Louder Moaning
And Groaning ]
Yes. Mrs. Abbott, is there any
possibility of your more, uh,
short-term guests not having
rooms next to mine?
Well, yes, I do appreciate that,
but I also value my own privacy.
[ Rumbling, Whimpering ]
Yes, indeed.
It is interrupting my work.
Over here you ask for the
cheque and pay with a bill.
Over here you ask for the
cheque and pay with a bill.
In England, you ask for a bill
and pay with a cheque.
Hmm. Is that the truth?
[ Chuckles ]
Yes.
No shit!
[ Laughs ]
A writer here,
from London, England.
Likes words.
[ Women Chattering ]
Aha!
How you doin' today?
Oh, uh, very well,
thank you.
You live around here?
No, no. Well,
not yet, at least.
I'm-- I'm, uh... looking
at property for sale.
You're movin'
to Chesterton?
Well, it's a poss--
[ Car Passing ]
Great wheels, huh?
[ Mumbles ]
Yes.
You know, you'd cover
a lot more ground in a car.
Yes. I suppose I would.
Uh-uh, may I go on my way?
Sure. We just like to know what
strangers are up to, that's all.
[ Chuckles ]
You take care, now.
[ Mutters ]
Yeah.
[ Electronic Chirp ]
[ Woman's Voice ]
You are standing...
too close
to this vehicle!
Please move away immediately!
Thank you.
Have a nice day!
[ Electronic Warble ]
[ Water Running ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
Hello?
Ah, Mrs. Abbott.
Yes. A typewriter seems
to have appeared in my room.
Oh. How very
thoughtful of you.
Cocktails?
No. I'm afraid not. I have
to be up at the crack of dawn.
Good morning!
Hey, how you doin'?
What happened to your foot?
Oh, less torture.
You take it easy now.
Hey, Strider.
You go home now.
Strider.
[ Panting ]
[ Whimpering ]
Strider?
[ Dog Barks,
Growls ]
I had one once
called "Tiffy."
"Tiffy"? What kind of a--
What is that? Wha--
What's that, a pansy name?
Come on! Tiffy lived to be .
We're not talking about
how long the dog lived.
Caesar.
We're talking about names.
There are a lot
of Caesars around.
What about "Spot"?
Spot! That's the name that
everybody calls a dog-- Spot.
What if the dog
has no spots?
They all got spots.
No. Sometimes
they got patches.
And there's a difference
between a patch and a spot.
Then they call it
"Patch" or "Patchy."
Or "Patch"-- "Patches."
If he's got stripes,
they call it "Stripey."
That's stupid.
Or "Stripes."
Come on.
Why?
Do you want a dog, Giles?
I can get you puppies for free.
No, no, no, no, no.
I just heard some rather
strange names, that's all.
Uh, is Strider common?
Rider?
Striper?
Strider?
Strider.
Striper?
Strider?
Strider.
I never heard of it.
Strider?
I never of it.
Oh, sure. Strider, Caesar.
[ Scoffs ] They're all
a damned nuisance.
You never knew Tiffy.
[ Clattering ]
[ Woman ]
Strider?
Strider!
[ Dog Growling ]
What is it, boy?
It's just a squirrel,
you idiot. Come on. In.
I can't take you
to the supermarket. Jesus.
[ Car Door Slams,
Engine Starts ]
It's an emergency!
You need a hospital?
Nearest supermarket. Move over,
please. It-It is an emergency!
[ Car Door Slams,
Tires Screech,
Car Departs ]
Hey!
Oh!
I am most dreadfully sorry.
I do hope nothing is broken.
I guess not.
We just don't have
things this size in England.
Rather tricky to control.
It's okay.
Take it easy.
Oh, haven't--
haven't we met?
[ Sighs ]
I don't think so.
Ah, no. I've seen
your photograph.
Are you a film star?
Would you mind
just leaving me alone?
Oh, no, of course! You're
engaged to Abigail's idol.
I could really
do without this.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Uh, my godchild, Abigail, has a
huge crush on this very young...
and, uh, uh, promising
American actor and his name
is Ronnie--
Is it, no. Ronnie--
Ronnie Bostock, isn't it?
You made a very
handsome couple.
[ Woman ]
What kind of books
do you write?
Oh, I'm hardly
a household name
over here.
Are you working
on one now?
Well, if I'm inspired
by the soothing rustle
of the Long Island surf,
as your
Walt Whitman put it.
I hope you have
a great time.
Are you over
for long?
Excuse me?
From Hollywood.
Oh, we live here.
Oh, really?
Ron's in L.A. right now.
I just can't believe
he's so big in England.
- I never knew that.
- [ Chuckles ]
It's extremely kind of you.
This isn't
Manhattan.
You can't
just hail a cab.
Indeed.
You've got a lot of groceries
for someone staying at a motel.
Yes. I've-- I've always
been rather vague about
domestic arrangements,
but I wanted to find out
how Americans shop,
what you eat and so on.
Actually, I can heartily
recommend the cheeseburgers
at Chez d'Irv.
[ Groans ]
God, you've been
to that dive?
Well, perhaps
you can recommend
somewhere superior.
There are some great
seafood places up the coast,
but you gotta drive there.
Well, allow me to take you
out for a spot of lunch.
Oh, I couldn't, really.
To thank you
for your kindness.
Uh, I don't
think so.
[ Seagulls Squawking ]
Very impressive. You're
both very talented, my dear.
[ Chuckles ] Thanks.
Well, you must give
Ronnie tips, no doubt.
Tips?
Well, doesn't
he have to do photographs
for the fan magazines?
Oh, photo shoots. Tell me
about it. He hates them.
Oh, seems
rather good at it.
Oh, sure. It just--
He thinks you can't be
a teen idol if you're
gonna be a serious actor.
Oh, does he?
It's crazy. I mean, most of
the actors I know wait tables.
Why would they do that?
I can't wait to tell him I've
met a famous British writer...
who thinks he's got the look
of a young Olivier, was it?
Uh, a little.
[ Chuckles ]
I should be writing this down.
Hey, maybe you could do
a script for him or something.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, I don't exactly write
for the youth market, Audrey.
Oh, well, that's great. He's
so sick of playing dumb kids.
Oh--
[ Phone Ringing ]
It's okay, the machine's on.
[ Audrey's Voice ] Hi, we're
not home. Leave a message.
[ Man's Voice ]
Hey, babe. Honey?
Uh, I guess you're out...
again. [ Chuckles ]
It's Ron.
[ Ronnie ]
You better not be having
a good time without me.
[ Ronnie ]
Things are pretty cool here.
I'll talk to you later. Love you.
[ Audrey ] I'll call him later.
Oh, Giles, I forgot.
[ Machine Beeps ]
You can smoke here
if you want. We don't, but--
Giles? Are you okay?
Dear God,
this is ridiculous!
[ Chuckles ]
[ Audrey ]
It's incredible.
He's seen all your work.
And he says that
you're really big in England!
You'd just love him.
He's so British,
you wouldn't believe it.
[ Laughs ]
Screw you! He's old
enough to be my father.
So, Ronnie will
be back soon?
Uh-huh.
Do give him
my regards.
Sure.
Tell him that I will
be following his career
with great interest.
Maybe you should tell him.
I'd like him to meet you.
I guess you're busy,
though, with your writing?
Well, yes, I am, but--
Oh, I don't know.
We're really busy too.
And he can get kind
of shy. I don't know,
maybe he'll call you.
[ Man On Radio ]
Now get only a--
[ Radio Ceases ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Birds Chirping ]
[ Door Closes ]
[ Typewriter Keys Clacking ]
[ Beeping On TV]
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
[ Bird Squawking ]
So, Giles, he may
not show it, right,
but he really
wants to hear
what you told me...
about his potential.
Oh, really?
Really.
He's been kind of low
since he got back.
If you could find
some way of telling him
what you think of him,
well, I'd really
appreciate it.
[ Ronnie ]
Well, what do you know?
It was the cops.
They're keepin' an eye
on the place.
One of the neighbors
saw some weirdo hangin' around.
[ Audrey ]
Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.
Are you guys
comin'in or what?
Come on, Strider.
[ Audrey ]
It's nothing
really, Giles.
Shakespeare?
Oh, yes, his plays
are full of it.
Well, wait a minute.
Are you saying that if
Shakespeare was alive today,
he'd be doin' things
like Hotpants College?
All I'm saying, Ronnie,
is that Shakespeare
used bawdy humor
to please the mob in the pit.
I never knew that.
Yes, and, of course,
he was able to elevate
his material...
beyond such limitations...
as have you.
I'm not talking about
good acting as if it were,
say, merely good cooking.
Oh, by the way, the teriyaki
was delicious, Audrey.
Thanks.
I'm talking
about a type of acting
that is purely instinctive.
You see, Ronnie, you have
something that gives even the
most casual look or gesture...
a real intensity.
Yeah?
Oh, yes.
It came as no surprise to me
when I heard that you'd been
rescued at an early age...
from the hell of advertising.
It was obvious to me that some
producer, some astute producer,
had seen what I saw
when Abigail persuaded me
to see Hotpants College II.
I got that role because
I looked like the guy who
played Mikey in the original.
Yes, but didn't you completely
reinvent the character
with a mere string of lines?
Didn't you make Mikey
the focus of the entire story?
Well, I wouldn't
exactly say that.
As for your fate
in the pizza parlor, the plastic
tomato and all that, well--
[ Laughs ]
Well, I don't know.
This may sound absurd, but--
No, my point of reference
would be Wallis' painting...
of the tragic young writer
Chatterton...
that hangs
in the Tate Gallery.
[ Audrey Sighs ]
I'd really like to see that.
But, Giles, we've seen
Hotpants in theaters with kids.
They don't get any of that.
- Of course not.
- But it's made for them.
But they're the rabble
in the pit.
[ Audrey Laughs ]
We saw Hotpants at this drive-in
used to be here.
Ron kept his sunglasses on
the whole time.
Giles, did you
ever see Tex Mex?
Oh, I did indeed,
more than once.
Really killed me
when that one bombed.
Ah, yes, I'm afraid it suffered
the same fate in Europe.
I really believed
in that project.
It had--
had a real message.
Yes, it was
a great shame really.
In Europe, we have a much
stronger tradition of work...
with what
you call a message.
That is, after all,
why I've been persuaded
to write my first screenplay.
Yes, if Tex Mex
had been, say,
German about the plight
of the exploited Gastarbeiters,
it would have met
with a far greater success.
They have Mexicans
in Germany?
It probably would have made
less money than Hotpants,
but in Europe we're
not necessarily interested
in that kind of a success,
not when a film can change
the way people think.
And that, Ronnie,
is why I write.
It's also why you act,
although you
may not yet know it.
[ Whirring ]
[ Ronnie ]
You married or somethin'?
I was. My wife died
unexpectedly sometime ago.
Sorry to hear that.
Got any kids?
No, no, my wife was
rather older than myself.
Oh, like me and Aud.
Yes, indeed.
So what's this script about?
Script?
Yeah, you said you were
working on a screenplay.
Oh, yes, that.
Oh, I couldn't subject you
to work in progress.
Why not?
Then, of course,
there is the risk
of copyright infringement.
[ Laughs ]
Giles, we're old friends, huh?
[ Chuckles ]
[ Ronnie ]
Coffee always takes her forever.
[ Giles ] Indeed.
Hey, Strider.
So what's it about?
Well,
it concerns
a young man, Ronnie,
about your age,
I suppose.
He's a deaf-mute...
brought up in
complete isolation.
His only human contact
is through the television.
So he has been subjected
to rather excessive...
and unrealistic
types of behavior.
He never speaks?
Oh, he cannot speak.
Wow.
Oh, yes, I'm determined
that the audience share
his subjective state...
rather than merely
pity him because, well,
that would be awful.
Yeah, yeah.
So what happens?
Understandably enough,
he yearns to enter
the real world.
So he surrenders himself
to the most irrational desire...
known to mankind.
Maybe you can
guess what that is?
[ Steam Hissing In Kitchen ]
It is the desire
to fall in love, Ronnie.
And since he's been exposed
to such a thing on
the television every day,
it becomes his quest,
so to speak.
And every tale, whether
it be Richard The Third...
or Hotpants College The Third,
centers upon a quest.
And as in my other work,
it will inevitably end
with a sacrifice.
The French, in particular,
seem to like such a thing.
However, I suspect it is
not one for the drive-ins.
Oh, thank you, my dear.
Decaf au lait,
no doubt?
Uh-huh.
Thanks, babe.
It's brilliant, man.
Oh, I don't think so,
not yet. Please.
No, it is.
I've never heard
a story line like that.
I'm totally blown away.
That's very kind of you.
- It's kind of artsy, I guess.
- Oh, dear. Is that bad?
No, no, that's good.
Have you seen Birdy?
Birdy?
Birdy, yeah, it's
an Alan Parker film.
I met him once.
He's from England too.
Ah.
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Beeps, Whirs ]
That's just a fax.
Probably more rewrites.
Oh, really?
Mm-hmm.
You can smoke, Giles.
[ Laughs ]
You smoke?
[ Groans ]
Bad habit.
Oh, yes, I know.
We'd never have met
if he didn't.
Really?
Why is that?
Giles chose to stay
in Chesterton because
he smokes Chestertons.
Cool.
Giles?
You know what
you were saying
about being a writer...
and wanting new
experiences and all?
I don't know.
Maybe it's not
such a good idea.
Come on. Tell us, babe.
Well, I was just thinking.
I have a shoot in
the city tomorrow...
and I just
thought maybe
you'd like to come.
They're so boring.
Not necessarily.
Not if you
haven't been on one.
I'm not comin'.
I'm not inviting you.
They're totally boring.
Wouldn't I be in the way?
I'd love you to come.
I'm sure you'd get
some great ideas.
I got a better idea.
Why don't I show you
the Hamptons?
You don't like
the Hamptons.
I do off-season.
What do ya say?
It's such a choice.
One couldn't do both?
No way.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
If the weather's okay,
we'll go to the coast.
If it's rainy,
you go into the city
with the supermodel here.
[ Chuckles ]
Well, that does sound fair.
Okay, babe?
[ Man ]
LaRue digs it out
in the corner--
So things look good
for Washington
and Baltimore tomorrow.
It's a different story
in New York. Look at those
clouds gobbling up Manhattan.
They're sure to bring rain
tomorrow and plenty of it.
Over in Long Island, it's gonna
be even worse with both coasts
pulling in that low pressure.
[ Traffic Passing ]
[ Laughing ]
Can we have
your autograph?
Here. Try these on.
[ Indistinct ]
Oh, no, no, no.
Go ahead. Put 'em on.
It's bright out there.
Very nice.
Very nice indeed.
[ Giles ]
"Hey, dude, how's it hanging?"
[ Ronnie ]
"It's cool."
"Hey, man, I'm real
sorry about your mother.
Life's a bitch, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess.
You know somethin', Brad?
I wish I could have made
things easier for her."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah.
"It seemed like she was
always workin' and stuff.
Never really got
a chance to know her."
"Hey, man, don't
grief out on me."
"Sorry, man.
Just feelin' a bit lonesome,
you know?"
"Hey, you're a college boy now.
All those babes don't want
to see you lonesome."
"Sure, like
I'm Mr. Popular."
"Well, I'm going to make you
Mr. Popular,
and that's a promise."
Mmm!
A poignant little scene.
It sets up
the whole story line.
I go to college.
All the college girls
try to mother me.
But I fall in love with a
teacher whose husband turns out
to be a grand wizard in the KKK.
Uh, something of
a message there?
It's the usual stuff.
Tell me, do you get a chance
to deliver a eulogy
to your mother?
No, no, no way.
It would hold up
the action.
- You're allowed to improvise?
- Thanks, babe.
They get pretty nervous
about that.
Hmph.
What's the point?
Where you been
hidin'yourself?
I was talking to
our neighbor. Is that okay?
Is this one of those
telephones that doesn't
have to be plugged in?
Quite remarkable,
isn't it?
Hey, I have a great idea.
Giles, why don't you call
your godchild in England?
I'm sorry?
Abigail, wasn't it?
You could call her and tell
her you're sitting here
with Ronnie Bostock.
Ron could say hi to her.
I know she'd just die.
Well, I'm afraid--
I'm afraid it's the middle
of the night in England.
They're only
five hours ahead.
You know what, Aud?
That's about the stupidest idea
I ever heard. What am I
supposed to say to the kid?
Huh? I'm sorry,
Giles.
Oh.
Jesus!
[ Typewriter Keys
Clacking Slowly ]
[ Thinking ]
"Ronnie. Brackets.
At his mother's grave.
"End of brackets.
"I'd like to say a few words
by Walt Whitman,
if that's okay with everyone."
[ Ronnie ] I'd like to say
a few words by Walt Whitman,
if that's okay with everyone.
"The untold want...
"by life and land
never granted.
Now, voyager, sail thou forth
to seek and find."
[ Chuckling ]
[ Man ]
Let's go. Bring him home.
Bring him home.
I suspect you're going
to have to explain
the rules to me.
Okay, you gotta
hit the ball and run
around the bases to home.
Hence, baseball.
Hmm, rather like
circular cricket.
I guess.
[ Applause, Cheering ]
Is there something
wrong, Audrey?
We're going to see
my folks tomorrow
up in Vermont.
Vermont?
For a week.
For a week?
Before Ron has to go back.
That's a strike, Giles.
To, uh, Los Angeles?
Right.
Ronnie never
mentioned this.
He doesn't know yet.
You understand that
we still have a lot of work
to do on the script.
That's too bad.
I guess he'll get by.
[ Umpire ]
Strike!
That's a strike, too, Giles.
Audrey, surely it is as clear
to you as it is to me...
that he deserves
a great deal more
than "getting by."
He'll do it this time.
He never gets struck out.
Watch this, Giles.
It's gonna be a good one.
The bases are loaded.
You realize this is...
a very crucial moment
in his life.
God, you're good.
-[ Man ] All right!
-[ Bat Hits Ball ]
[ Applause, Cheering ]
That's a home run, Giles.
Ronnie.
So...
this is your last day
in Long Island.
Or, should one say,
on Long Island?
Yeah, Aud's gettin'
kind of itchy, so--
I'm also leaving
Long Island soon.
Really?
We should hook up
in Europe sometime.
I'd like that.
Ronnie, I'd like that very much.
Of course, you must honor
your obligations to Audrey.
It strikes me that
you're very young to be
making such a commitment,
especially with your career
at this crucial stage.
Yeah, well, a guy's
got to know when he's on
to a good thing, right?
It was like that
for you, wasn't it?
Uh, well,
I suppose so, yes.
It's a birthmark.
They cover it up for
shooting, but I like it.
You know, I always thought
it was on the right.
How do you mean?
Ronnie, I have a confession
to make to you.
I've been waiting for you
for quite some time.
Oh, shit, Giles, I'm sorry.
I had to drop Aud--
Several years, in fact.
What?
Ronnie, there is
nothing more solitary
than an artist's life.
No doubt you'll find
that out for yourself.
Painfully, perhaps.
One yearns for solace
without quite knowing
where to look for it.
But I found it in you.
Oh--
That's great.
Ronnie, I have another
confession to make.
I brought you here
not to say good-bye,
but to make you an offer.
An offer?
I am prepared to devote myself
to your career.
Wow, Giles, I, uh--
[ Clears Throat ]
I'm honored.
I don't know what to say.
You got to come out west.
We can start to work
on something.
No, Ronnie, forget Los Angeles.
Put it behind you.
Your future lies in Europe.
Giles, I gotta take things
one step at a time.
Aud would love
to go back to Europe
and do more work.
It would be cool
to spend time there--
"Cool"?
I'm talking about
a turning point in your life.
But I've got
no contacts there.
People know me here.
As what?
Ronnie, as what?
Look, um,
we'll keep in touch, huh?
Listen to me, Ronnie.
In Europe, it is
often the case that a--
a young man
benefits from the--
the wisdom and
the experience of an elder.
Why, there's
almost a tradition
of such friendships.
Cocteau and Radiguet.
Uh, Verlaine, Rimbaud.
Rambo?
Arthur Rimbaud,
French poet.
He--
He was Paul Verlaine's lover.
Look, Giles, uh,
I really gotta go.
I gotta pick up Aud.
I don't want her to be--
Now, listen.
I understand your misgivings,
and I respect the fact
that your immediate plans...
are founded on these
temporary attachments.
"Temporary attachments"?
Well, Ronnie,
your relationship with Audrey...
is hardly likely
to last forever.
And why is that?
Well, it-- I'm afraid
it's obvious to me.
What exactly are you
tryin' to say, Giles?
[ Whispers ]
Ronnie, please.
Look, Giles.
I would like to believe
all the things you said
about my career,
but you got things
all wrong.
Ronnie.
Ronnie, listen to me.
You don't understand.
Giles, I think
I do understand,
and I have to go now.
How can you act like this...
when you know--
You must know
how completely,
how desperately...
I love you.
[ Door Bell Dings ]
Dear God,
what have I done?
[ Man ]
Back where he should be
in the lineup tonight.
His batting average is .
just what it should be.
Now the question is,
how many hits is
he gonna get tonight?
How ya doin'?
I wonder if you could
do me a great favor and
add this to your deliveries?
I don't know
if I can do that, sir.
It's a federal offense.
Surely--
I'm sorry, sir.
[ Engine Starts ]
[ Phone Rings, Fax Beeps ]
[ Giles ]
My dear Ronnie, it is
so difficult to know...
where I should begin,
especially when,
unlike you,
I already know the ending.
But let us say that this story
began with the end of another,
far, far from the surf
of Long Island.
Tell me,
when one sends a fax,
uh, is it possible
for it to be reversed?
How do you mean, sir?
Well, can it be got back?
I don't know about that.
I imagine not.
You wanna turn back?
Oh, I think it's
rather late for that.
You sure?
Quite sure, thank you.
Hey!
[ Giles ]
Well, Ronnie, there it is,
the end of our story.
And also the beginning
of a new story for me,
but perhaps you've worked
that out for yourself.
But what of you,
my darling?
For no one on Earth
knows you better than I do.
And if you've read
thus far,
I know you'll never
bring yourself to
destroy this letter...
nor will you ever show it
to anyone else.
And it will gradually dawn
on you that your life might have
taken a very different course...
had you simply been able
to open your heart to another.
And you'll often return
to this letter.
You'll read it again and again
in the years to come...
until you no longer have to read
what you'll know by heart.
And you'll cherish it
as a source of pride...
in the face of
an uncaring world.
I'd like to say
a few words by Walt Whitman,
if that's okay with everyone.
"Now finale to the shore.
"Now land and life,
finale and farewell.
"The untold want by life
and land never granted.
"Now, voyager,
sail thou forth...
to seek and find."