Voila! Finally, the May
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Lucky McKee movie
starring Angela Bettis and Anna Faris. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of May. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
(sewing machine clicking)
(screaming)
(sobbing)
What's wrong
with my eye, Mama?
Mama: The doctor
says it's lazy.
But...
we're going to make you
look perfect.
It itches.
Do you want make friends?
Then keep it covered.
Are you a pirate?
(children muttering)
(school bell rings)
Man:
Happy Birthday to you.
I've always said,
"If you can't find
a friend,
make one."
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
(Mama sighs)
Now it's ruined.
Her name is Suzie.
Suzie was the first doll
I ever made.
She was my best friend.
And now she'll be yours.
No, no, no,
you can't take her out.
She's special.
What do you think
of my pirate patch?
I bet you're wondering
what I'm making.
Okay, I'll tell you.
(giggles)
I saw someone today.
A boy.
You know how
when you meet someone...
and you think
you like them,
but then the more
you talk to them
you see parts
you don't like.
Like that guy
on the bench.
And sometimes...
you don't end up liking
any parts at all.
But...
the boy I saw today
is different.
I like every part of him.
Especially his hands.
They're beautiful.
Don't be mad.
You've been my friend
my whole life.
And you see me,
you always have, but...
I need a real friend.
Someone I can hold.
I'm going to give you
some cardboard shades
you can wear over
your regular glasses
until the dilation wears off.
Will my contacts be ready
by Friday?
Doctor:
Should be.
You look awfully excited.
I have a date.
You're sure my eye won't cross
with the contacts?
Positive.
The contacts will pull
your good eye forward
just like
your regular glasses.
Your lazy eye just needs
a little help.
I need all the help
I can get.
This boy is perfect.
If I saw you
Now
Could I look in your
Eyes?
Do you think of me
Like I dream of you?
Do you wish you were here
Like I wish I...
Oh, slick shades.
What the hell is a scupel?
- Scalpel?
- Oh!
Your dog's going
to be fine, ma'am.
(sighs)
Scalpel!
Thanks for the heads up, doll.
Scupel.
Man:
Wait! Hold 'em up!
Moy, I need a big scupel
for German Shepard surgery tomorrow.
No forget it.
Prep it up for me.
Hey, May, hold up.
I want to ask you something.
What are you going
to be for Halloween?
I've just been wracking
my brains, you know,
trying to come up
with something original.
Do you got any ideas?
You have a beautiful neck.
Thank you.
You should call me
one of these nights.
You know,
we'll hang out and...
eat some melons
or something.
Okay.
(elevator dings)
Come on, come on back
to me right now
Come on, come on,
come on
Do you love me now?
Did you love me before?
Do you love me now?
When I left for vacation,
my dog had four legs.
Okay?
Then I came back...
now she only has three.
You know,
I looked everywhere.
I can't find her leg.
What do I do?
May?
May, would you help
this gentleman?
You got to help me here, May.
I got a serious situation here, okay?
I got a dog,
it's missing a leg, okay?
I'm throwing it a stick
and nothing.
Nothing happens.
Hello?
Polly:
Jesus, what are you doing?
Relaxing.
Doesn't it hurt?
No.
Ow!
You crazy bitch!
Why did you do that?!
Actually...
I kind of liked it.
Do me again.
(giggles)
(flesh tearing)
(gasping)
Man:
It was in the rose bushes.
You can't just...
sew it back on...
can you?
I could.
Hello.
You can use me...
I mean, mine.
Thank you.
- What's your name?
- May.
Nice to meet you.
I'm Adam.
You want to smoke
a smoke with me?
You got to puff.
So, do you make
your own clothes?
Yes.
That's cool.
Thank you, Adam.
You're welcome, May.
I love your hands.
I think they're beautiful.
I used to be a hand model.
- I could see you doing that.
- I'm kidding, May.
(giggles)
Whoa!
(dryer buzzes)
Oh!
Well...
Race cars.
What's that?
Oh, yeah.
My, uh...
girlfriend bought me these.
Anyway.
You know, I meant,
my ex-girlfriend...
bought them for me.
Practice.
I'll see you around, May.
(dryer buzzes)
"Hey, see you around, right?"
I'm so sorry that...
I tripped in front of you
at the coffee shop.
Maybe we could...
we could do something.
(giggles)
"See you around."
"See you around, right?"
Hello, happy!
Dr. Zarkizein needs you
to do a fecosam
on the miscitta.
Does that make
any sense to you?
Fecal exam on Miss Kitty.
No problem.
Oh, excuse me.
Hey!
What's up, May?
I was just about to...
about to have lunch.
Wow, you look great!
You hungry?
I will cut.
And you pick.
Good choice.
So what do you do, May?
I work at the animal hospital.
And I sew.
Okay.
Animal hospital.
Some people think
it's kind of gross.
I love gross.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
Disgust me, please.
Okay.
A couple of weeks ago,
this old man comes in
and says his dog is dying.
And he begs us to save it.
A -pound black Lab
named Seymour.
We take him in
and run some tests
and we find that he has
a twisted bowel.
And he needs
to be operated on immediately.
So, we shave Seymour's tummy,
we cut him open
and we take out a piece
of intestine about,
about the size of a hot-dog.
Everything went smooth,
but...
when we went to sew
Seymour back up,
we realized we were out
of the heavy sutures
that you're supposed to use
for large dogs.
So the doctor decided
if we tripled up
on cat sutures
that should do the trick.
Well,
a few days go by
and the old man calls up
hysterical.
The cat sutures had burst
when he was at work.
And by the time he got home,
Seymour was sprawled out
on the back porch
with his guts spread
all over the concrete.
And the fence
was soaked in blood
all the way around the yard.
It was a mess.
I had to sew that one back up.
So, I guess your job
takes lots of guts.
Lots.
Why are those kids touching
everything like that?
Adam:
They're blind kids.
They're from the day care center
around the block.
Dang, I got to go.
There's an Argenta playing
at the Beverly in minutes.
I took the afternoon off.
They're showing "Trauma."
- Is that a movie?
- You've never seen "Trauma"?
Don't go.
What?
Nothing.
I should probably get back
to work, anyway.
Thank you for the sandwich...
and the cigarette.
I got to see this movie,
but maybe I can
see you again sometime.
How about tonight?
I got this thing tonight, but...
- maybe after.
- Great!
All right.
I look forward to it, May.
You want to take it with you?
Thanks for the advice, doll.
So...
what were you doing to me
that day at the coffee shop?
I'm so embarrassed.
Why?
I've never had
a boyfriend before.
Do you like me, Adam?
Sure, I do.
You don't think I'm weird?
I do think you're weird.
- I knew that.
- I like weird.
I like weird a lot.
You are perfect, aren't you?
Nobody's perfect.
You're perfect.
You want to see my room?
Does this stuff freak you out?
Nothing freaks me out.
That's right, it wouldn't,
would it?
You're on to me.
I'm a psycho.
Got you.
It's pretty cool, huh?
Whoa! Jesus Christ!
Who taught you how to kiss?
Suzie.
Who taught you how to kiss?!
(glass breaks)
Ah!
(crackling)
(cat meows)
What's the haps, doll?
What happened to your hand?
Scupel.
(giggles)
You're funny.
You want to watch me file?
Hey.
We got the whole place
to ourselves.
Let's dance.
(music plays)
(humming)
(dogs barking)
(giggling)
Listen, they're serenading us.
We have to dance now.
Oh.
Please, please, please.
Please.
So, are you going
to dance with me or what?
- Do you like pussy?
- What?!
Cats?
Do you like pussycats?
Jeez, you're a nasty
little thing, aren't you?
Do you like Lupe?
My landlady's a real bitch.
I have to get rid of her.
Your landlady?
No, dummy, the cat.
You're her only hope.
Oh, come on.
Lupe will keep you company
when you're all alone.
Besides,
she'll remind you of me.
- Okay.
- Wonderful!
Oh, look at the time.
I have to go.
It's girls' night out tonight.
You want to come?
I know.
You need your beauty rest.
Not much of it, though.
Recording: Please leave
a message after the scream.
(screaming)
Hello, Adam, this is May.
I was just wondering
if you would like to be together again...
(glass cracking)
(sighs)
Get together again sometime.
I had such a good time last night.
- .
That's my number.
Call me.
Anytime.
I look forward
to seeing you again.
Yes
What is it, my love?
He said,
"It's nothing
Nothing really
Just wanted to hear
Your cute voice
To know you are near"
And he calls me "kitten"
Kitten
When it's quiet and...
Whoa! Jesus Christ!
May, you scared the hell
out of me!
What are you doing out here?
Nothing.
How long have you been
standing out here?
Since about : .
You haven't really been standing out here
for two hours, have you?
What do you think?
Look, I got your message.
I'm sorry I haven't
called you back.
I've been really busy
with this movie.
You made a movie?
In college before I dropped out.
I just finished putting it together.
Can I see it?
I'll make you macaroni and cheese.
Go to a movie, huh?
Sounds like a date.
I dig your place.
It's really...
neat.
Is this Gatorade?
Cool.
You'll never believe
what I had to do at work today.
You ready?
Roll 'em.
Roll 'em.
My baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
Hey, my baby does the Hanky Panky
My baby does the Hanky Panky
Hey, my baby does the Hanky Panky
I saw her walking on
down the line
You know I saw her
for the very first time
A pretty little girl
standing all alone
Hey, pretty baby,
can I take you home?
I never saw her,
never ever saw her
My baby does
the Hanky Panky
Yeah, my baby does
the Hanky Panky
My baby does
the Hanky Panky
My baby does
the Hanky Panky
My baby does
the Hanky Panky
Let s go!
(guitar solo)
Adam: So?
What did you think?
It was sweet.
It was sweet?
I don't think
she could have gotten
his whole finger
in one bite, though.
That part was kind
of far-fetched.
Oh
Last flight
Get lost in the moss
Oh, oh
Fall in the neon mine
Push me down
Push me down
Push me down
Okay, okay, breathe
Still rolling in the stones
Run to the log that s rotten
Oh, oh
Your soft belly bossing lows
Push me down
Push me down
Push me down
Oh, God damn it!
What the fuck is that?
- Oh, fuck, I'm bleeding.
- I know.
May, what are you doing?
Please.
I need a towel.
I think...
I think I'm gonna go.
What?
I'll see you around.
But it's just like your movie.
May, this is weird.
You like weird.
Not that weird.
(distant whispering)
(glass cracking)
(glass crashes)
May: I told you to face
the goddamn wall!
Oops!
It fall down.
Moy, you help me.
Doctor, this delivery guy
is insisting
that you sign for this.
I'm in surgery, Polly,
please!
Yeah, yeah, that's good.
Kitty live now.
- Man: What are you doing?
- Adam: What?
Take it outside, man.
So, what's up, bro'?
What do you think?
Adam:
Fuck, she's pretty.
I don't think she's playing
with a full deck.
- That's not what you wanted.
- True.
At least you know
she's not out of her mind.
You know what,
we're not talking about May anymore.
I've successfully escaped
that lunatic.
Woman:
Who's May?
Man: Some weird chick
Adam just dumped.
How's your lip?
Adam: Stow it, all right?
Would you, please?
Woman:
I see. May I?
Man:
So what if she likes your hands?
Just keep them away
from her face.
Adam:
You're a prick, you know that?
- Yeah, do some more pushups.
- Man: Fuck you.
(phone beeps)
What's up, doll?
This is Polly.
I'm just sitting here
in my nightie.
I wanted to know
how my little puss-puss was.
Come on over
if you get this, okay?
What's giving you
the sads, doll?
Oh.
No frumpy faces allowed
in this place.
When it's quiet under
I say, yes, yes, yes
What is it, my heart?
He says nothing
Not really
It's just I miss you so
You know how.
I wanted to kiss you
since I first saw you.
Is this what was bugging you?
I wasn't bugged.
Just angry at someone.
Not me, I hope.
No, not you.
Do you feel weird doing this?
I am weird.
I love weird.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
About me?
Dead.
He calls me kitten
Kitten
In the middle of the night
I say yes, yes, yes
What is it, my life?
He says,
"Nothing, not really,
For the angels I wish
For the angels
that took you
The angels I wish.
Can you help us
with something?
I saw some kids playing
in the park
and I was wondering
if I could volunteer
to help watch them.
What kind of kids were they?
Retarded, deaf, crippled, dumb?
They were blind.
So you want to work
at the day care center?
Would it be the same kids?
What's the difference?
You only like a certain type of blind kids?
(children singing)
May Kennedy?
Lucille.
Let's introduce you
to the kids.
Do you think
I could meet her first?
Lucille:
Who, Petey? We can try.
She usually likes being left alone.
Nobody likes to be alone.
Hey, Petey, I got someone here
who wants to meet you.
Go away, sniggel-head.
You are so mean to me, Petey.
Good luck.
What are you making, Petey?
Ashtray.
You smoke?
No.
Then who are you making
the ash tray for, Petey?
You smoke.
Yes, I do.
Then you can have it
when I'm done.
How you doing, May?
Great, actually.
Making new friends.
Right and left.
Lovely.
Lupe,
this is Adam.
It's cute.
How are you doing?
Aw, man, this thing is broke.
I'm gonna have to go down
to the Fluff and Fold.
Call me sometime?
Yeah, sure.
I'll see you around, May.
(machine starts)
May!
What's up?
Woman:
Who is it, Polly?
Who is that?
An opportunity
I just couldn't pass up.
Oh.
You want to join us?
Well, then can we do
something tomorrow, May?
I got to hit this.
I don't understand.
You're jealous!
- What's going on out there?
- Shut up, hooker!
Oh, May, look.
I can kick her out
if you really want me to.
You know you're my main mama.
(glass cracking)
(sobbing)
(coughs)
Come here, Lup.
Come here.
Come on.
Come on, girl, it's been
a really rough couple of days.
(hisses)
(clay shatters)
(glass cracks)
Shut up!
(cracking stops)
Thank you.
(phone beeping)
Adam: Hello?
- Is Adam there?
- Hey, what's up?
Not much.
How did you know it was me?
Hello?
Who is this?
May, silly.
(glass cracking)
What are you doing tonight?
Hello?
Why?
(cracking intensifies)
I was just thinking
we could get together
and do something.
I have plans.
- (glass breaks)
- Oh.
Quiet!
Hello? Who are you talking to?
May:
What about tomorrow night?
Adam: Maybe.
Maybe?
Okay, what time?
I'll wait.
Don't do that.
No, no, no. It's okay.
I'll wait.
I got to go, May.
(giggles)
Okay. Well, I'll talk to you
tomorrow then.
Goodbye, May.
(glass rattles)
I hate you.
May:
Who can tell me what this is?
Girl:
We don't know, May, what is it?
Petey, come here and see
if you can figure it out.
I don't know.
Come on, Petey,
you can try harder than that.
I don't know.
All right,
I'll tell you what it is.
Girl:
What, what is it?
This is my best friend.
My best friend.
And I didn't even realize it
until just last night.
It's just a box.
- Her friend must be inside.
- That's very good, Deirdre.
Petey:
Take it out.
I can't.
- Why not?
- I just can't.
Come on, May, let it out.
We want to meet your friend.
No, l...
I can't. She's special.
She doesn't come out.
She always stays in.
She's very fragile.
Petey.
Stop it!
- She's out!
- No!
- The floor!
- Glass!
Don't!
Glass! Ow!
(screaming)
(phone ringing)
May's voice:
This is May Kennedy.
Please leave your numbers.
(phone beeps)
Polly:
Hello. Where are you, doll?
I think Dr. Zarkizein is upset.
Either that or he has
a kidney infection.
I'm not sure.
Either way, you need to get
your cute butt in here.
You've missed two days
in a row.
Are you all right?
I miss you. Kisses.
Call me, okay?
Ah.
Oh, Lupe.
I'll miss petting your pretty fur.
Are you okay?
So many pretty parts
and no pretty holes.
No shit.
What's your name?
It doesn't matter.
Hey, you want to go get
some Jujubes with me?
What's the point?
I'm just trying to be friendly.
Sorry.
Hmm...
Shit, man,
I can live off of these.
It's getting hella hot.
You mind if I take off my shirt?
- Do what you want.
- All right.
I love your tattoo.
Thanks.
Ah.
Fuck!
I'm still burning up.
Do you have any ice cubes
I can rub on my nipples?
May: Freeze!
That's the idea.
Stop!
What the fuck is that?
- A friend.
- Whoa.
This is some sick shit.
So...
are we best friends now that
you've seen what's inside my freezer?
You fucking freak.
I'm not going to be your friend.
(sobbing)
(screaming)
I need more parts.
Adam:
Hey, May.
Hey, dude, what's up?
Not much.
What are you reading about?
Amputation.
- Is that for work?
- Nope.
It's just for fun.
Listen, May,
I'm sorry things didn't work out
between us.
L... you know.
It just didn't feel right.
It doesn't feel right,
you know?
I understand now...
Adam.
I understand.
Friends?
Okay. All right.
I really have to go.
Later hands.
Right. All right.
See you around.
How's Lupe?
- In pieces.
- Is she sad about something?
She does get depressed.
- She doesn't seem happy.
- Oh.
Can I ask what you're doing?
I want to make
a blouse for you.
Kind of an apology present
for the other night and my behavior.
Oh, May, that is so sweet.
Polly, are you back there, sweetie?
Polly:
Back here.
Did you bring my lunch?
Oh...
May, I would like you to meet
a new friend of mine.
Her name's Ambrosia.
Nice gams.
Aren't they?
Can I get a few more measurements?
Have you ever thought
about having this removed?
My grandma said it's imperfections
that make you special.
What do you think?
Freak.
(giggling)
(muttering)
Hello, Polly, this is May.
Happy Halloween.
I was thinking about popping by later
to bring you your new blouse.
Show you my costume.
Give me a call if that's cool.
Miss you.
Kisses.
Call me, okay?
If you can't find a friend,
make one.
Hello, May.
Hello, Polly.
Slick duds.
Thank you.
I was going to call you tonight,
but...
I've been so busy.
What are you doing right now?
Nothing.
I'm starting to understand
what the doctor's saying
% of the time now.
It's funny because I always thought
it was the doctor's writing
that was supposed
to be incomprehensible.
Maybe it's different
with animal doctors.
Ah, that's better.
(chuckles)
Are you expecting someone?
Did you forget my blouse?
No?!
You're not sore about me
and Ambrosia, are you?
I'm not sore.
You understand
it's not serious, right?
It's just a piece of ass.
Whoa!
Whoa.
Oh, please don't hurt me, May.
Pleasey-please.
I trust you.
I know you would
never hurt me, May.
Ambrosia:
What are you doing here?
Where's Polly?
In the head.
Polly, hurry up in there!
I've been drinking vodka all night
and I have to piss like a racehorse!
(laughs sarcastically)
You have really beautiful legs.
I thought they were gams?
Gams, stems, wheels,
whatever.
Give us a little spin, doll.
Huh?
Turn around for me.
You are so fucking weird.
I don't know
what Polly sees in you.
Polly doesn't see anything.
Turn around, Miss Grable.
Okay, doll.
How was that?
Beautiful.
Sweet costume.
You got any cold ones
in there?
Yes, I do.
What are you doing here?
Hello.
Anyone home?
I need them, Adam.
Listen, sister,
Adam's taken for the evening.
I like your earrings.
Thanks.
Nice costume.
Thank you.
I made it myself.
Just like one
of your movies, Adam.
May...
what are you doing here?
This is May?
Do you want to come in
for a drink or something?
Thank you.
(sighs)
You should have called.
Would you have answered?
If I was home, yes.
Doesn't matter.
I didn't come here to see you.
Vodka okay?
Sounds great.
Did something happen?
Touch me.
Touch my face.
(giggles)
Go on, Adam, touch my face.
- Stop that!
- These hands are mine now, honey.
No, they are mine, quagledoo.
Fuck you. What is that,
Russian or something?
Touch my face.
Yeah, fucking go on, asshole.
Fucking touch away,
I don't give a shit.
Um...
Okay,
I'm pretty drunk
and I'm feeling queasy
and I just wish you would leave.
Fine, you know what,
I'm out of here.
Not you, dumbshit.
Dumbshit?
I guess that would be me.
You're not going to touch
my face?
Fine, I'll touch your face.
(yells)
You're going to look perfect.
(grunts)
You have all of the parts.
Words can't describe.
But I don't have
to talk to you, do I?
I can just...
feel.
And you'll feel it right here, too.
(gasping)
Right.
You can't see me.
Can't see me.
(sobbing)
(screaming)
See me!
All I want...
is see me.
What...
(screaming)
Bring us all the children
Because they are sweet
Toss them up into the air
They come down and swing their feet
Twirling all the while
Tumbling in a pile
They are good
What a treat
Bring us all the children
Just when they are sweet
Wanderlust and packed with pride
When they laugh and go inside
Echoing all the while
Tumbling in a pile
They are good
Good to eat
Bring us all the children
Even when they're not so sweet
Toss them up into the air
They come down and get a treat
Bringing tea
A good night's sleep
It goes away.
... Love you
You were perfect,
and you were made to be
That's all, that's all
we had to do
That's all, that's all
we had to see
That's all, that's all
you faked, you weaved
Walls and walls and walls
and walls and walls
Things that I see
Don't know what they mean
But this I threw in
Good to be all caught up
With no place to go
You were carried away with the words
And I couldn't follow
They were made up,
yet used so cautiously
You were perfect in every way
You were made to love me
Well, that's all,
that's all we had to do
That's all, that's all
we had to see
I saw, I saw you
straight through these
Walls and walls and walls
and walls and walls
Things that I see
Don't know what they mean
But this I threw in
Good to be all caught up
With no place to go
And the only thing that I know
I was made to love you
The things that I see
Don't know what they mean
But this I threw in
Good to be all dolled up
The things that we see
You never come clean
But you know what we mean
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be broken
Good to be.