Voila! Finally, the Mister Roberts
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Henry Fonda and Jack
Lemmon movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Mister Roberts. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Now hear this!
Now hear this!
Reveille!
I repeat!
Reveille!
Attention all hands!
Because another cigarette butt...
...has been found in the container
of the Captain's palm tree...
...there will be no movies again tonight.
That is all.
All right, hit the deck!
Rise and shine! Greet the new day!
Off your hock and grab your sock!
Okay, Chief, you've done your duty.
Now get your big fat cat out of here!
Now hear this!
Now hear this!
'C' and 'E' and 'S' divisions...
...and all pharmacist mates
will air bedding today.
Positively!
Doc, what are you doin' up so early?
l heard you were working cargo today,
so l thought l'd get ready.
On days when work's to be done, l can
always count on a big turnout at sick hall.
l attract some very rare diseases
on cargo day.
That day when they knew you had
five ships to load...
...l was greeted with six more cases
of ''beriberi''...
...''double beriberi'' this time.
So help me, l'm going down
to the ship's library...
...and throw that old copy
of Moby Dick overboard.
What are you giving them these days
for ''double beriberi''?
Aspirin, what else?
Something wrong, Doug?
We missed you when you went
on watch last night.
l gave young Ensign Pulver another drink
of alcohol in orange juice...
...and it inspired him to relate
further amorous feats of his.
Did he tell you about the time
he overwhelmed a -year-old maiden...
...by the simple tactic of being the first
man in her life to ask her a direct question?
No, but some of the things he related
positively bordered on the supernatural.
l don't know what to do
about young Pulver.
Perhaps l should report his record
to the American Medical Association?
There is something wrong, isn't there?
l've been up all night, Doc.
What's the matter? What is it?
l saw something last night
that just about knocked me out.
What happened?
l was up on the bridge.
l was just standing there
looking out to sea.
l couldn't bear look at that island anymore.
All of a sudden l noticed something, little
black specks crawling across the horizon.
l looked through the glasses
and it was a formation of our ships...
...that stretched for miles.
Carriers, and battleships and cans.
A whole task force, Doc.
Why didn't you break me out?
l've never seen a battleship.
They came out and passed
within a half mile of that reef.
Carriers so big
they blacked out half the sky.
Battlewagons sliding along, dead quiet.
l could see the men on the bridges.
And this is what knocked me out, Doc:
Somehow...
...l thought l was on those bridges.
l thought l was riding west
across the Pacific.
l watched 'em till they were out of sight.
And l was right there on those bridges
all the time.
l know how that must have hurt, Doug.
And then l looked down from our bridge
and saw our captain's palm tree.
Our trophy for superior achievement!
The Admiral John J. Finchley Award
for delivering...
...more toothpaste than toilet paper...
...than any other navy cargo ship
in the safe area of the Pacific!
-Read this, Doc. See how it sounds.
-What is it?
My application for transfer.
l've been rewriting it since l got off watch.
-Another?
-This one's different.
l'm trying something new.
A stronger wording. Read it carefully.
''From Lieutenant J.G. Douglas Roberts
to Bureau of Naval Personnel.
''April .
''Subject: Change of duty request form.''
-Boy, this is sheer poetry!
-Go on, Doc.
''For two years and four months
l've served on this vessel as cargo officer.
''l feel my continued service aboard can
only reduce my usefulness to the Navy...
''...and increase disharmony
aboard this ship.''
How about that?
''lt is therefore urgently requested...
''...that l be ordered to combat duty,
preferably aboard a destroyer.''
l've got a chance, haven't l?
Listen, Doug....
You've been sending in a letter
every week for goodness knows how long.
Every week, the Captain screams
like a stuck pig...
...''disapproves'' your letter and forwards it.
That's just my point, Doc.
He does forward it--
The captain of a Navy ship is the most
absolute monarch left in this world.
l know that.
lf he endorsed any letters ''approved,''
your orders would come through like that.
But ''disapproved,'' you haven't a prayer.
You're stuck on this old bucket. Face it.
lt's still a chance, Doc. lt's still a chance.
l'm sorry you ever saw that task force.
l've got to go down to my hypochondriacs.
-Good morning, Mr. Roberts.
-Good morning, Dowdy.
lt's hotter up here than it is
down in that mess hall.
Look at that cruddy island! Smell it!
lt's so hot it already smells like a hog pen.
Think we'll get out of here today?
l don't know. There are three LCMs
coming alongside for supplies.
Are they getting up yet?
Yeah, they're startin' to stumble around
down there, the poor, punch-drunk....
When are you goin' to the Captain again
and ask him to give this crew a liberty?
These guys ain't been off this ship
for over a year except on duty.
The last time l asked the Captain
was last night.
-What'd he say?
-He said ''no''!
We've gotta get these guys ashore.
They're goin' Asiatic.
When you see him again, Mr. Roberts....
You know l will, Dowdy.
ln the meantime,
have Dolan type that up for me.
Your letter? Yes, sir.
Now hear this! Now hear this!
Sweepers, man your brooms.
Give her a clean sweep-down fore and aft.
Sweep down all ladders
and all passageways.
Do not throw trash over the fantail.
Now sick call will commence immediately.
Now.
When l woke up this morning--
And remembered you were working cargo.
Continue.
Honest, Doc, l couldn't even straighten up.
l guess it's the old appendix again.
That appendix of yours
certainly gets around.
Now it's on the wrong side.
Two aspirin! Mark for duty. Next.
Aspirin? For a floating appendix, Doc?
Yeah, it's the latest thing.
l'll have one with you. Next!
Well, where do you hurt?
lt's my head, Doc. lt's my head.
Dizzy?
lt's terrible!
Ringing in your ears?
-Well, l mean it's all the time, Doc.
-Like bells?
That's it, Doc, like bells!
Like that, Doc.
How do they go, ''dong-dong,'' ''ding-ding,''
or ''ding-dong''? lt's important.
''Ding-dong''? ''Dong-ding''?
No second guessing. Too bad.
They should go ''dong-dong.''
One aspirin! Mark for duty.
There is now available at the ship's store
a small supply of peanut brittle.
The ship's store will be open
from to .
lnsigna, l've got a real special job for you.
You stay right here
and clean these binoculars for the bridge.
Let me work up forward, Chief.
l don't want to be around this crud,
Mannion.
-Yeah, Chief, take lnsigna with you.
-Get lost!
Cut it out, the both of you!
l'm tired of you two bellyachin'!
Now go on and get scrapin'!
Which end of these binoculars
do you look through?
l guess it's optional, lnsigna.
lt depends on what size eyeball you've got.
What time would it be in San Francisco?
About midnight last night.
Midnight last night?
The Japs must have took over that island!
There's a red and white flag
on that new building.
Japs? We ain't been
within miles of any Japs.
Japs, you hear that, Wiley?
Smart, ain't he?
That's a hospital flag.
They've got a fancy building on that island.
Yeah, they've got big windows and--
Holy Cow!
Holy Cow! They've got nurses
on that island!
That nurse, she's taking a shower!
Look! On the second story.
She's a blonde! See?
-Get off my back!
-Knock it off!
l've never seen such a beautiful girl!
She sure is taking a long time
in that shower.
Yeah, honey....
Come on over here by the window!
How do you use this thing?
There's another one over by the wash basin
taking a shampoo!
Oh, she's got a bathrobe on.
What a stupid way to take a shampoo,
with a bathrobe on!
What's stupid about it?
Do you think she wants to--
-Wow!
-Please, fellas! Come on!
-Didn't l tell you she was beautiful?
-Yeah, man!
l can't even see the island.
Well, so long, blondie!
There goes the other one!
lmagine that pig not takin' a shower?
Come on, girls, who's next?
l'm getting it! l'm getting it, yeah!
But there ain't no one in there now.
Hey, try mine!
They must think we got
nothing better to do than stand here.
Do you see anything?
No, you've been panting on the lens.
These glasses is gettin' heavy!
We're wasting manpower. Let's take turns.
l'll take the first watch.
Look!
There goes a sea gull.
Look at 'em now, will you!
See anything, Mannion?
They're gone.
Why, you dirty miserable cheat!
Oh, it's too bad! There were three
a minute ago. One was about to take--
Peepin' Tom.
Knock it off!
lnsigna, did you hear me? Knock it off!
Wiley, get out of here!
Stop it!
l'll kill him! Do you hear me? l'll kill him!
All right. Get below, all of you,
and slosh your heads!
Hold it right there, Mister!
What's that man doing on deck
without a shirt?
l was just speaking to him about that,
Captain.
l want that man put on report. l don't
want no one on deck without a shirt.
ls that clearly understood?
All right, keep your shirt on.
All of you.
Last night, down in the compartment,
l stopped three of them fights...
...worse than that.
They've gotta have a liberty, Mr. Roberts.
Yeah, they sure do.
Call a boat for me. l'm going ashore.
-What are you gonna do?
-l just got a new angle.
You're not goin' over the Captain's head?
No, l'm goin' around his end.
Get the lead out, Dowdy.
''lf l could be with you
One hour tonight
''lf l was free to do
The things l might
''l'm tellin' you true
l'd be anything but blue
''lf l could be with you''
Hey, what's new, Doug boy?
l'm going to take a launch
over to the island.
Over to the island?
Hey, how would you like some company?
l'll go get some aspirin for Doc
at the new hospital they're building.
What's the matter?
Why, Frank Thurlowe Pulver...
...you mean to say you'd be willing
to unglue yourself from that sack...
...to do a favor for someone else?
Let's not have any more
of that usual attitude towards Pulver boy!
l said one simple thing--
Okay, Frank, okay. Hurry up.
Just in case, Pulver boy. Just in case!
See you later, Doug boy.
Welcome aboard!
Oh, my goodness! Attention!
This is gonna be all right. You girls
just got in here, huh? Where're you from?
No, don't tell me. Let me guess.
How many of you girls are there?
Captain, aren't you gonna answer
our salute?
Sure, yeah.
lf it'll make you feel any happier.
We thought maybe we were
doing it wrong, Captain.
You see, we haven't had much experience.
Well, that's wonderful.
ls that your battleship
in the harbor, Captain?
Not exactly. No.
ls there anything you want?
l mean, anything in particular?
No. Nothing l can think of, in particular.
Oh, aspirin! What am l saying?
l've got a requisition right here.
All right, right this way.
Get back to work, men.
Carry on, men.
-l'm actually not captain of that AK.
-No kidding.
l'm the Exec.
-Certainly must have a lot of ''b.f.''
-Who me? What do you mean--
Battle fatigue. With all this aspirin.
Seen a lot of action?
Well, l sure as heck haven't seen
much action this past year.
You mean battle action?
Well, l got a little shrapnel in my left leg.
lt gives me a twinge now and then.
-l hear that scotch works wonders.
-You like scotch?
l was acquiring a taste for it
before they shipped us out.
-Here is your aspirin.
-Thanks.
Would you like to come out to the ship
this afternoon?
Sorry.
lt just so happens l have a bottle
of Red Label in my cabin.
Have a shore boat at the dock
at minus ten.
Oh, will l? minus ten.
-That's ten minutes to six.
-Yeah.
l see l caught your interest.
l don't want these other girls to hear,
but if you were to come over alone...
...this afternoon....
Here's your letter. l typed it up.
Just sign your old John Henry here
and l'll take it to the Captain.
Then hold your ears. Mr. Roberts?
lt's only you, Ensign Pulver.
What are you doing in Mr. Roberts' locker?
There was a shoebox in there somewhere.
l can't find it.
Somebody stole it, that's all.
There's just nothin' they'll stop at!
Broken right into the sanctity
of a man's own locker!
ls Mr. Roberts back from the island yet?
As soon as he gets back,
have him sign this baby.
What is it? lt's the best letter
Mr. Roberts wrote yet.
lt's gonna blow the old man
right through the overhead!
This letter's liable to get him transferred.
-Let me see that.
-Get a load of this line right here.
''lncrease disharmony aboard this ship.''
Ain't that a kick?
l can't wait to jab this baby
in the old man's face.
You know how he gets sick
when he gets extra mad at Mr. Roberts.
When l deliver this letter,
l'm gonna take along a wastebasket.
Let me know when Mr. Roberts gets back.
lt was the most vicious fight
you ever saw in your life.
Even after Dowdy and l broke up the fight,
l figured l had to do something right away.
Frank, has Dolan been in here
with my letter?
l don't know, Doug boy.
l just came in here myself.
Doug, you don't know anyone
on that island, do you?
Yeah, the port director. The guy
who decides where to send this ship next.
A liberty port, for instance.
Dowdy tipped me off. He used to drink
a quart of scotch every day of his life.
You didn't give that shoebox to that
port director?
l did, compliments of the Captain.
You've been hoarding a quart of scotch
in a shoebox?
l was gonna break it out
the day l get off this ship.
Resurrection day!
You wasted that bottle of scotch
on a man?
Will you name me another sex
within miles?
What's eating you anyway, Frank?
Well, look at the fancy pillows!
-Somebody expecting company?
-Good Lord!
'' Toujours l'amour.''
''Souvenir of San Diego.'' ''Oh, you kid! ''
''Tonight or never.''
''Compliments of
the American Harvester Company.''
''We plow deep while others sleep.''
Doc, that new hospital hasn't got nurses,
has it?
lt didn't have yesterday.
lt has today.
How did you find out that they were there?
lt just came to me all of a sudden.
l was lying on my bunk here
this morning, thinking.
And there wasn't a breath of air.
All of a sudden a funny thing happened.
A little breeze came up.
l took a big deep breath and said to myself:
''Pulver boy,
there's women on that island! ''
Doc, you know a thing like that could make
a bird dog real self-conscious.
They flew in last night. Knockouts!
And one big blonde especially. Of course,
she went for me right away. Naturally.
So l started to turn on the old personality,
and l said:
''Will nothing make you come out
to the ship with me?''
And she said,
''Yes, there is one thing and one thing only:
''A good stiff drink of scotch.''
l'm sorry, Frank. l'm really sorry.
Your first assignment in a year.
l was gonna bring her right in here.
l had all my old pillows out.
l'd slip her a couple of fast slugs
of scotch and....
Without that scotch she wouldn't--
She just wouldn't, that's all!
Doc, let's make some scotch.
Scotch?
As naval officers,
we're supposed to be resourceful.
Frank here's got a great opportunity.
Let's fix him up.
Right.
Frank, where is the rest of that alcohol
we were drinking last night?
-Now, that ain't even the right color.
-Quiet, boy.
Color?
Coke. You got any?
l haven't seen a Coke in four months.
No, it's five months.
l forgot l had it.
What shade would you like?
Shade?
Pale, smokey?
Well, l told her Red Label.
-Red Label?
-Red Label.
lt may look like it,
but it sure won't taste like it.
Doc, what does scotch taste like?
lt tastes like....
You know what it's always tasted
a little like to me?
lodine.
Of course.
One drop of iodine, for taste.
Let me try that.
This calls for a medical opinion.
How about it?
We're on the right track.
Now we need something extra for age.
What have you got there, Doug?
Seltzer, some fruit salts, hair tonic....
Hair tonic! That's got a coal tar base.
One drop of hair tonic, for age.
That'll age the daylights out of it.
That's it!
You know, it does taste a little like scotch.
Do you know, it does.
That dumb little blonde will never know
the difference!
All right, Frank,
Doug and l made the scotch...
...the nurse is your department.
''She won't know the difference
She won't know the difference''
Thanks, Doc.
''She'll never know the difference''
You won't know the difference,
will you, baby?
No, you won't. No, you won't.
Thank you, Doc. Thanks, Doug.
Gee, you guys are wonderful to me.
Don't mention it.
l think you almost deserve it.
You do really? Or are you just givin' me
the old needle again?
What do you really think of me? Honestly.
Frank, l like you.
There's no getting around the fact
you're a real likeable guy.
-But....
-But what?
Well, l also think
you're the most hapless, lazy...
...disorganized and, in general,
the most lecherous person...
...l've ever known in my life.
-l am not!
-You're not what?
l'm not disorganized.
Have you ever in your life
finished one thing you set out to do?
You sleep hours a day.
You pretend you want me to improve
your mind, but you've not finished a book...
-...l've given you to read.
-l finished God's Little Acre.
l didn't give you that.
He's been reading God's Little Acre
for over a year now.
He's underlined every erotic passage
and added exclamation points.
And after a certain pornographic climax
he's inserted the words: ''Well written! ''
You're the laundry and morale officer.
l doubt if you've ever seen the laundry!
l was down there last week!
-And you're scared of the Captain.
-l am not!
Then why do you hide in the passageway
every time you see him coming?
l am not. l'm scared of myself.
Scared of what l might do to him.
What you might do to him!
He lies in his sack all day long
and bores me silly...
...with great moronic plots
against the Captain.
He's never carried out one of them.
-l haven't, huh?
-No, Frank, you haven't.
Whatever happened to those marbles you
were gonna put in the Captain's overhead...
...so they'd roll around all night
and keep him awake?
Now you've gone too far!
Now you've asked for it!
What does that look like?
Five marbles.
l've got another one in my pocket.
Six...
...marbles.
l'm looking for marbles all day long!
You asked me what l thought of you.
Well, l'll tell you.
The day you finish one thing
you've started to do...
...the day you actually put those marbles
in the Captain's overhead...
...then have the guts to knock
on his door and say...
...''Captain, l put those marbles there! ''...
...that's the day
l'll have some respect for you.
That's the day l'll look up to you as a man.
Okay?
Okay.
Where's Dolan with my letter?
l'm gonna go find him.
Wait a minute, Doug.
l wouldn't send a letter like that in
if l were you.
You'll get yourself in trouble saying
things like ''disharmony aboard this ship.''
You know, if you did say ''disharmony,''
or ''harmony'' or....
-Where's that letter?
-l don't know.
What's the big idea?
l just wanted to talk to you
before you signed it.
Please don't sign that letter, Doug.
Now, please don't.
They'll transfer you.
You'll get your can shot off, boy.
Doc, will you tell him what you told me
last night, about how stupid he is?
Yes, Doc. Maybe you'd like
to tell me to my face.
Yes, l would.
You are stupid, Doug, and l can prove it.
You quit medical school
just to get into this thing...
...when you could be saving lives today.
Why?
Has it ever occurred to you
that the guys fighting this war...
...might also be saving lives?
Your's and mine, for instance.
l'd rather practice that kind of medicine.
That's exactly what you're doing!
Are you kidding?
Look, whether you like it or not,
this sorry old bucket does a necessary job.
And you're the guy
who keeps lumbering along.
lt could be that right here on this bucket...
...you're deeper and more truly
in this war than you'd ever--
Doc, in a minute you'll start quoting
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
That is a lousy thing to say.
We've got nothing to do with the war.
Maybe that's why we're on this ship,
because we're not good enough to fight.
'Cause our glands don't secrete
enough adrenaline or...
...our great-great-grandmothers
were afraid of the dark or something.
What is it you want to be? A hero?
Hero? You haven't heard a word l've said!
Look, the war's way out there and l'm here.
l don't want to be here.
l want to be out there.
l'm sick and tired of being
a lousy spectator.
l just happen to believe in this thing and
l want to feel l'm good enough to be in it.
Good enough! Doug, you're good enough.
lt's just that you haven't the opportunity.
That's mostly what makes
physical heroism: opportunity.
lt's a reflex.
l think that out of young males
have that reflex.
You take any one of them,
say even Frank Thurlowe Pulver here...
...put him into a B- over in Japan
and do you know what you'd have?
No, l don't, Doctor.
Pulver, as a Congressional Medal
of Honor winner.
Pulver, who single-handed shot down
attacking Zeros.
Pulver, who with bare hands held together
the severed wing stretch of his plane...
...and with bare feet successfully landed his
mortally wounded plane on his home field!
lt's reflex.
Like the knee jerk.
Strike the patellar tendon in a human being
and you produce the knee jerk. Look.
What's the matter, Doc?
Nothing. But stay out of B- s,
Frank, my boy.
You've made your point very vividly, Doc...
...but l still want to get in this thing.
l'm gonna keep on sending in
these letters until l do.
-Yes, l know you are, Doug.
-l haven't got much time.
That task force l saw was on its way
to start our last big push in the Pacific.
l'm gonna catch it.
LCM's coming alongside.
Will Mr. Roberts report
topside immediately?
Mr. Roberts! Topside!
Doc, what are you gonna give Doug
for his birthday?
l hadn't thought of giving him anything.
l'm gonna show him that he's got
old Pulver figured out all wrong!
What does that look like to you?
Just what it is. The cardboard center
of a roll of toilet paper.
-l suppose it doesn't look like a firecracker?
-No, it doesn't.
And l suppose that doesn't look like a fuse?
lt looks like a piece of string.
You just wait until old Pulver
gets through with it!
l'm gonna get me some black powder
from that gunner's mate and--
Oh, no! This is not gonna be
any peanut of a firecracker.
l'll pack that thing solid with that stuff
they use to blow up bridges:
Fulminate of mercury!
Boy, on the night of Doug's birthday...
...l'm gonna throw that
under the old man's bunk and bam!
Captain, it's me! lt is l, Ensign Pulver!
l just threw the firecracker
under your stinking bunk!
The Captain wants you to hang on
to whatever fresh fruit you have left.
He wants it for his own mess.
Better get braced for a storm, Mr. Roberts.
Dolan took in your letter a while back.
Stand by bow line, ready to cast off!
You fellas squared away?
Thanks, Lieutenant. You wouldn't want
to swap movies, would you?
-Sure, what you got?
-Hoot Gibson in The Sheriff's Daughter.
Shove off.
LCM- come alongside.
Hey, Chief! Copper just passed out.
Get him up here!
Give him to me.
Easy boy, easy.
lt's murder down there, Mr. Roberts.
Can't we take our shirts off?
Sure, take them off.
Kennedy, give Mannion a hand.
Get him back to Sick Bay.
Go on, take your shirts off.
Thank you, sir.
The boat, watch it!
Dowdy, get a defender over.
The Captain wants to see you
on the bridge.
Tell him l'm busy.
Slammer, give him a hand on that line!
Watch it!
This is what they want.
''One ton dry stores, one gross dundries...
''... cartons toothpaste,
/ ton frozen food.
''Fresh fruit, if available.'' Scratch that.
They've been out two months.
-No fresh fruit in two months?
-No, sir.
Give them a couple of crates of oranges,
compliments of the Captain.
Sling ready, sir.
Take it away.
All right, Mister!
We'll have this out right here and now.
What do you mean telling me
you're too busy?
We were having trouble.
You didn't want me leaving the deck
with a ship coming--
When l tell you l want to see you,
l mean now!
Mister, l mean jump!
Understand?
Yes, sir. l'll remember that next time.
You'd better remember!
You think you're pretty cute
with this letter...
-...trying to get me in bad with the Admiral.
-l'm not, Captain.
What do you mean writing
''disharmony aboard this ship''?
Because it's true, Captain.
Any disharmony aboard this ship
is my own doing!
That's true, too, Captain.
And it ain't gonna be any letter
that leaves this ship.
Any criticism of this ship
stays on this ship!
l've got a good reputation with the Admiral
and l ain't gonna lose it on account of...
...any letter written
by some smart aleck college officer!
You retype this.
Cut out that ''disharmony'' crack
and l'll send it in.
But this is the last one, understand?
Every man in the Navy has the right
to send in a request for transfer.
No one can change their wording.
That's the Navy regulations.
How about that, Dolan?
That's what it says in the book, sir.
Well, it's a stupid regulation!
We wouldn't stand for it
in the Merchant Marine, l tell you.
All right, l'll send this one in. Just as it is.
But ''disapproved,'' like l always do.
But there's one thing l don't have to send...
...and that's a letter
that hasn't been written.
And, Mister, l'm telling you here and now,
you ain't gonna write any more.
You bring me one more
and you'll regret it the rest of your days.
You've got a job right here.
And, Mister, you ain't never
gonna get off this ship!
Now get on with your work.
Where are your shirts?
Where are your shirts?
-Captain--
-Shut up!
Where are your shirts?
Get those shirts on and be quick about it!
l'm sorry, put your shirts on.
Just one minute, Mister!
Who's captain of this vessel?
That is the rankest piece of insubordination
l ever seen.
You've been getting pretty smart lately,
buttering up to Mr. Roberts here.
But this time you have gone too far!
And l'm making you a little promise.
l am never going to forget this.
And as a starter, you're on report.
Every one of you who appeared on deck
without a shirt, on report!
You're not putting these men on report.
-What do you mean l'm not?
-l'm responsible. l gave them permission.
You disobeyed my standing order?
Thanks a million for the fresh fruit,
Lieutenant!
You gave that man oranges?
Yes, sir, l'm afraid l did.
Ten days! You just got yourself ten days
in your quarters! Ten days!
Do you relieve me here?
You heard me. You get to your cabin
before l make it days!
Another launch alongside, Mr. Roberts.
You want it port or starboard?
l've been relieved, Chief.
Where do you think you're going?
To my room for ten days. Or was it ?
l'll tell you when to get to your cabin!
Get back to your job!
-Captain, you told me--
-Never mind what l told you.
l'm telling you.
Who is that officer? You, boy!
Yes, you. Come here.
Are you one of my officers?
Yes, sir.
What's your name again?
Ensign Pulver, sir.
l'm glad to see there's someone aboard
this vessel who knows how to salute.
How is it l don't see you around much,
Pulver?
l've often wondered
the same thing myself, sir.
What's your job?
Officer in charge of laundry and morale, sir.
How long have you been aboard?
Fourteen months, sir.
Fourteen months!
Spend most of your time
in the laundry, huh?
Yes, sir. Most of the time.
-You do a very good job.
-Thank you, sir.
-Except for one thing.
-Sir?
l don't like starch in my pajamas.
-You'll watch out for that, won't you?
-Yes, sir.
Fine. You're doing very good work, Pulver.
You must come to my cabin sometime
and have dinner.
Cut it out, Doug. Now knock it off!
Cut it out! He's got his nerve.
Wait till next week, Doug,
when he gets his laundry.
Doug, l'm gonna get some starch.
You know, some of that real thick starch...
...like they use on nurses' uniforms--
And when old Roberts said that, l thought
the Captain was gonna lose his marbles!
Nothing stops old Roberts!
Nice goin', Mr. Roberts.
lt was really beautiful
the way you read the old man off.
You're gonna send in another one
next week?
He sure is! And it's my turn to shove it
right under the old man's nose.
Yeah, but you've got a promotion
coming up, haven't you?
But could he stop that?
Promotion? This is Mr. Roberts!
You think he gives a good hoot
about another lousy stripe?
We've gotta write a real hot one
next week, huh, Mr. Roberts?
We'll use asbestos paper.
He'll fix the old man's clock. You wait!
All men who have not been put on report
for three weeks...
...can now go swimming for ten minutes.
That is all.
How do l look?
You don't mind me borrowing
your binoculars, do you?
lt's okay, Frank.
Won't they get in your way?
Now hear this!
Now hear this!
Station launch coming alongside....
She's here! Now you guys
stay away from that cabin.
Last one in is an ensign!
Your permission to come aboard, sir?
Where's the skipper?
Never mind, l'll find him.
-Request permission to come aboard, sir.
-Permission granted.
Hop aboard.
-Request permission to come aboard, sir.
-Permission granted.
Request permission to come aboard, sir.
Request permission to come aboard, sir.
Request permission to come aboard, sir.
Request permission to come aboard, sir.
Well, that's all.
Cobinna had to wash her hair
but she'd just love to come another time.
How would you girls like to look
around the ship...
...while the Lieutenant and l
discuss a little business?
Men, the nurses!
l wouldn't think of leaving them
unprotected!
Right this way. Pardon me. Right up here.
That's it. There we are, right here.
-This is Doc. Girls, Mr. Roberts.
-Hi!
Ensign Pulver is executive officer.
What's your job?
Laundry and morale officer.
Glad to have you aboard.
Oh, are you laundry and morale? So am l!
Why don't you just take the girls
off somewhere and tell them all about it?
Gee, l wish l could. But l've gotta clean up.
l did a lot of laundry today.
Sure.
Maybe Doc will show them Surgery.
Oh, Doc, oh yeah.
Girls, this is our surgeon.
You just go right off with Doc.
Don't let the grey hair
and the baggy eyes bother you.
He's a very likeable--
He has a great sense of humor.
l'd be delighted to take these young ladies
of the medical profession to my Surgery.
But unfortunately we haven't had a chance
to clean up since our last enemy action.
Come on, let's see the ship!
Flemish up the lines out there,
will you, Dowdy?
-What?
-Yeah. New man....
More salt, Cookie.
Put some more salt in there.
Now, girls, up here is where we have the--
Follow me right up here, girls.
Now, girls, this is the uh....
That's a gun.
-lmagine.
-ls this the poop deck?
You boys must be the lookouts?
Could l borrow these?
Sorry, sir. lt's top secret.
Captain's orders, Miss. You know, bifocals.
-l can make an exception in your case.
-Thank you.
Look at the fish jumping over there!
lt's a whale!
-A real interesting cloud formation!
-Where?
You can see your hospital
right from over the rail here.
Ensign Pulver!
Hey, l can!
Why, you can almost reach out and--
Glasses.
Well, you certainly can see Cobinna!
We've gotta get back and hang
those window curtains right away!
Ten hut!
Right, haste!
Forward, march!
So long, harmless.
l was just getting the hang of this thing!
Now we've got nothing to look forward to!
Just that same cruddy island!
You gotta rub it in?
Why don't you shut up?
You gonna make me?
-How'd you find out?
-We seen them taking a bath.
Through this glass, Mr. Roberts,
we could see all of them.
You heard what she said.
They're gonna hang some curtains.
Them nurses was pretty to look at!
They've got a ten minute boat ride.
You've still got ten minutes.
Yeah, but it wouldn't be any fun
when you know you're gonna be rushed.
This is the first real good day
this bucket's ever had.
lt's all over now.
Maybe you've got time now
to listen to a little piece of news.
''When in all respects ready for sea,
on or about today...
''...the AK- will proceed at ten knots
to Elysium lsland...
''...arriving there in seven days, reporting
to the port director for cargo assignment.
''During its stay in Elysium
the ship will make maximum use...
''...of the recreational facilities of this port.''
That means liberty!
-That don't mean liberty?
-That's exactly what it means.
Somebody must have been drunk
to send us to a liberty port.
-The old man seen them orders?
-Saw them before l did.
Elysium, where is that?
''Elysium is the largest
of the Limbo lslands.
''lt's often referred to
as the Polynesian paradise.
''Vanilla, sugar, cocoa, coffee, phosphates
and rum are the chief exports.''
Rum! Did you hear that?
''Elysium City, its capital,
is a beautiful metropolis...
''...of palm-lined boulevards, handsome
public buildings and colorful stucco homes.
''Since its population has remained
remarkably constant at about .''
Wait till we get there!
Go on, Mr. Roberts, go on.
''Elysium harbor, offering
excellent anchorage and docking facilities...
''...is surrounded on three sides
by beautiful, green, cloud-covered hills.
''The natives are noted
for their congeniality and hospitality.''
Nice port, huh, Mr. Roberts?
We finally made it, Mr. Roberts!
You! On deck. Off.
Get them cannibals off this vessel!
Get them off!
Chief, will you tie this?
lt's been so long, l sort of forgot.
What are you gonna do
when you get ashore?
Kid will probably go to the first saloon.
lce cream saloon, eh, Booksie?
l haven't thought much about it.
l've got my camera Ma sent me.
l guess l'll just wander around.
Hey, Lindstrom!
l've got good news for you.
You can take off them liberty whites.
l ain't got the duty tonight!
That's right. You and Mr. Roberts
got the duty tonight.
Now hear this!
Here we go! Here we go!
This is the Captain speaking.
l just found out that there's
men on this vessel expecting liberty.
I don't know how this rumor got around,
but I'd like to clear it up right now.
On account of cargo requirements
and security conditions...
...which have just come
to my personal attention...
...there will be no liberty
while in this here port!
That is all.
Come in, Mr. Roberts.
Twenty-eight seconds! Pretty good time.
You see, l've been expecting you.
Okay, when does this crew get liberty?
ln the first place,
just kindly hold your tongue.
l'm still Captain here.
-When are you gonna let this crew ashore?
-l'm not.
lt was not my idea
coming to this liberty port.
lt seems one of my officers arranged it
with a certain port director.
Gave him a bottle of scotch whiskey,
compliments of the Captain.
The port director was kind enough
to send me a thank-you note...
...along with our order.
Sit down, Mr. Roberts.
Now l admit l was a little provoked
about not being consulted...
...then l got to thinking
maybe we ought to come to this port...
...so as you and me could have a talk.
All right. Take it out on me,
but not the men.
Don't you hear that music?
Don't you know it's tearing the guys apart?
They're breakable, Captain! l promise you.
Now you listen to me.
l've got two things l want to show you.
That is the cap of a full commander.
l'm going to wear that cap some day,
and you're going to help me.
lt won't do any harm to tell you
that you helped me win that palm tree...
...by working cargo.
Don't let this go to your head.
When Admiral Finchley awarded me
that palm tree, he said:
''You've got a good cargo officer.
Keep him at it. You're going places.''
And l went right out and bought that hat.
And nobody is gonna stand
between me and that hat!
Certainly not you.
Now last week it was agreed...
...that there was to be no more
of these ''disharmony'' letters.
l didn't say that.
And what do l find on my desk
this morning? Another one.
lt says here, ''friction between me
and the commanding officer.''
That ain't goin' in, Mister.
How are you gonna stop it?
l ain't.
You are.
Just how much do you want this crew
to have a liberty?
Enough to stop this ''friction''?
Enough to stop writing letters ever?
'Cause that's the only way
this crew is going to get ashore...
...this day or any other day.
Now we've had our little chat.
What do you say?
How did you get in the Navy?
How did you get on our side?
You ignorant, arrogant, ambitious...!
Keeping men in prison...
...'cause you got a palm tree
for the work they did!
l don't know which l hate worse,
you or that other malignant growth--
How'd you ever get to be
commander of a ship?
l realize in war time they have to scrape
the bottom of the barrel...
...but where'd they ever scrape you up?
There's just one thing left for you, Mister.
A general court-martial!
Fine, court-martial me!
l'm asking for it! lf l can't get transferred,
l'll get court-martialed! l'm fed up!
You'll need a witness.
Call your messenger.
l'll say it over again in front of him.
Go on, call him. You want me to call him?
You're a smart boy, Roberts.
But l know how to take care of smart boys.
l hate your guts, you smart college guys!
l've been seeing your kind around since
l was ten years old, working as a busboy.
''Oh, busboy, it seems my friend
has thrown up on the table.
''Clean up that mess, boy, will you?''
And then when l went to sea as a steward,
people poking at you with umbrellas.
''Oh, boy! You, boy!
Careful with that luggage, boy! ''
And l took it. l took it for years!
But l don't have to take it anymore.
There's a war on and l'm Captain of this
vessel. Now you can take it for a change.
The worst l can do to you is
to keep you right here, Mister!
And here is where you're going to stay!
Now, get out!
What do you want for liberty, Captain?
You are through writing letters ever.
Okay.
And that's not all.
You're through talking back to me
in front of the crew.
When l give an order, you jump!
-ls that all, Captain?
-No.
Anyone know you're in here?
No one.
Good.
Then you're not to go blabbing this around
to anyone ever.
Might not sound so good.
l don't want you to take credit
for getting this--
You think l'm doing this for credit?
-You think l'd let anyone know?
-l've gotta make sure.
-You've got my word, that's all.
-Your word!
You college boys make such a great show
of keeping your word.
Now hear this!
This is the Captain speaking.
l've got further word
on the subject of liberty.
lt gives me great pleasure to announce
liberty for the starboard section--
The whole crew, or there's no deal!
l mean it.
Correction. Liberty for the entire crew
will commence immediately.
You don't have to tell them again.
They heard you.
Look at those crazy bugs!
Listen to them!
l've got a bunch of real beauties
for you this time!
-Can they walk?
-Walk?
Some of them can't even crawl.
Well, they're peaceful anyhow.
All right, lads. Come on, lend a hand.
Hiya, Mr. Roberts!
Evening, Mr. Roberts!
-Duty officer, sir.
-That's right.
Colonel Middleton presents
his compliments to the Captain, sir...
...and wishes him to know that these men
made a shambles...
...of the Colonel's testimonial dinner-dance.
You men crashed a dance
for Army personnel?
Yes, sir.
And they made us feel unwelcome.
The Army started a fight, huh?
No, sir, we started it.
And we finished it.
Tell Mr. Roberts how many of you
Army bums is in the hospital.
Thirty-eight soldiers of the U.S. Army
have been hospitalized.
And the Colonel himself has
a very bad bruise on his left shin.
That's not all, Lieutenant.
There were young ladies present,
of them...
...from the finest families of Elysium.
Well, sir....
Two of these young women were
somewhat mauled.
One of them actually got a black eye.
Six others had their clothes
torn from them.
They ran screaming into the night.
They haven't been heard from since.
What are you going to do about it?
l'm due to be relieved here in minutes.
l'd be glad to lead a search party.
No, sir, the Army will take charge
of that end.
Colonel Middleton will want to know
what punishment you'll give these men.
You tell him l'm sure our captain
will think of something.
-But, sir--
-That's all, Sergeant.
-Thank you, sir.
-Good night!
-So long, you guys!
-See you around.
What have you got to say for yourselves?
Okay if we go ashore again?
What do you say, Doc?
-Anybody got a fractured skull?
-No!
They pass the physical.
Go and take a shower
and get into some clothes.
We've just got time to get back
to the dance!
Hey, Mr. Roberts! l'm drunk as a goat!
Show him how drunk l am!
Mr. Roberts, when l first saw her
she was eating.
And you know,
she just ate her way into my heart.
She was eating a little old palm tree!
There you are, kid! Chow!
Wait a minute!
What's her name?
-l don't know, sir.
-She's got a nameplate.
Her name is....
''Property of.''
What's her last name?
Her last name?
''Rear Admiral Wentworth.''
Okay, hit the sack. l'll take care of her.
Okay, Mr. Roberts.
See that she gets a good square meal!
Come on, baby.
Hey, Kennedy, where you been?
Okay, you're relieved.
Request permission to go ashore, sir.
Did one of your men turn up with a--
Oh, there she is!
Thanks. Come on. Come on.
Your papa's over there worried about you.
Say, Mr. Roberts, where's your relief?
He'll be along any minute now.
Any minute now.
What are you looking so cocky about?
Am l looking cocky?
Maybe it's because for the first time since
l've been on this ship, l'm seeing a crew.
What do you think you were living with
all this time?
With separate guys.
There's a big difference. Now in one night,
these guys are bound together.
l think now maybe they're strong enough
to stand...
...all the miserable, endless days
ahead of us.
l only hope l'm strong enough.
Tomorrow you and l are going over there...
...to take advantage of the groundwork
that's been laid tonight.
You and l are going
to give ourselves a liberty.
Get a load of Pulver.
Hello Frank, how was your liberty?
''l'm telling you true
l'd be anything but blue
''lf l could be with you''
All right, you men know your posts.
Officer of the deck?
l hope you don't mind, but l've stationed
my men along your starboard side.
l'm sorry, but this ship is restricted
for the rest of its stay in Elysium.
Your captain is to report to
the island commander at : this morning.
l recommend that he's there on time.
The Admiral is a pretty tough cookie
when he's mad.
He's madder now then l ever seen him.
What in particular did this?
A little while ago, six men from your ship...
...broke into the home
of the French colonial governor...
...and started throwing things
through a plate-glass living-room window.
We found some of the things on the lawn.
A large world globe...
...a small love seat, a lot of books...
...and a bust of Balzac...
...the French writer.
We also found an Army private, first class...
...who was unconscious at the time.
He claims they threw him, too.
-Through the window?
-That's right.
lt seems he took him there for a little joke.
He didn't tell him it was
the governor's house.
He told them it was a....
Well, what we call in Alabama--
We call it the same thing in Nebraska.
That's about all, Lieutenant.
lf it makes you feel any better,
Admiral Wentworth says...
...this is the worst ship he's ever seen
in his entire naval career!
-Good night, Lieutenant.
-Night.
Schlemmer, are you all right?
Get up here, you idiot!
What are you trying to do?
Get up here!
l forgot my motorcycle!
Come back here!
Kicked out! Kicked out!
The first time l've ever been
kicked out of a port!
You're going to pay for this!
Now get the gangway up
and we're going to get out of here.
Chief, bring in the gangway.
We've been kicked out of port.
Bookser ain't aboard, sir.
He didn't come back last night.
Get that gangway up, Mister!
And l mean now!
Yes, sir.
Come on, Booksie! Come on!
l'm surprised at you!
Yes, sir, so am l.
Where did you meet her?
-At a church social.
-All night?
We went for a walk down on the beach.
We sat there and counted the stars.
Honest, sir, that's all.
-Better get below.
-Yes, sir.
All present and accounted for, sir.
Right here, Mister.
Well, l guess you're mighty proud
of yourselves...
...getting me kicked out of port, that way.
Well, we are going to erase this blot
from my record...
...if we have to work hours a day!
Right, Mr. Roberts?
Yes, sir.
We are going to move more cargo
than we ever moved before.
-Right, Mr. Roberts?
-Yes, sir.
Mr. Roberts is going to see to it...
...that you men tow the line at all times.
That's right, too...
...isn't it, Mister?
That's right, sir.
You know as well as l do...
...that Mr. Roberts is a man
who keeps his word.
And, Roberts, you do a good job...
...and one of these days there may be
a promotion in it for you.
An extra little bar on that collar.
That'd be all right, wouldn't it, Mister?
Wouldn't that be all right, Roberts?
Yes, sir, if you say so.
You just heard me say so!
Take over.
See they work up a sweat.
l just gave an order
and l ain't heard no answer!
l'm waiting.
Aye, aye, sir.
That's better.
That's more like it.
Deck division, bring out the chippers
and scrapers and get after that rust.
Engineering division, air bedding. Fall out.
What's he taking all that guff for?
''Yes, sir.'' ''No, sir.''
''Aye, aye, sir.''
Hey, Killer, do you really think
he's bucking for a promotion?
Who, Mr. Roberts?
He's just tired, that's all.
Yeah, that's right. He's just tired.
Mr. Roberts, l got something here.
A little love letter from the Bureau came in
just this morning.
Get a load of this.
''To all ships and stations:
''Heightened war offensive has created
urgent need aboard combat ships...
''...for experienced officers.
''All commanding officers are directed
to forward with their endorsement...
''...all applications for transfer from officers
with months sea duty.''
You've got months.
Does that put old stupid
behind the eight ball or don't it?
Here's your letter, all typed up and ready
to go. Just the old John Hancock.
Go ahead, Mr. Roberts.
l want to hear him explode.
Yeah, he'll go right through the overhead!
l want to look it over first.
What's to look over?
lt's just a standard form--
l'm not going to stand here and argue!
l told you l want to look it over.
Get back to your typewriter
before l put you on report!
All right, don't just stand here.
...from the headquarters
of the Allied Command in Europe.
I repeat,
there is no official announcement yet.
The report that the war
in Europe has ended...
...has come from only one correspondent.
It has not been confirmed by other
correspondents or by Allied Headquarters.
But here is one highly intriguing fact:
That report has not been denied.
Turn that thing off, will you, Doc?
Has Doug ever said anything to you
about wanting a promotion?
Of course not. l doubt if he's even
conscious of what rank he is.
He never thinks about a promotion.
All he ever thinks about is the war news.
Anybody who says he's bucking
for another stripe is a dirty liar!
Who says he is?
lnsigna, Mannion, some of those
other guys. l heard them talking.
Outside the porthole,
talking loud on purpose so l'd hear them.
Must've guessed l was lying here
in my sack.
What's happened to Doug, anyway?
How would l know?
He's spoken about ten words to me
in as many days.
l'll find out though.
He won't talk, Doc.
l followed him all around the room
this morning while he was shaving.
l begged him to talk to me.
l said, ''You're a fella who needs a friend,
and here l am.
''What's all this trouble
between you and the crew?
''You tell me and l'll fix it up like that! ''
Then l gave him a lot of good advice.
Things like: ''Keep your chin up.''
You know what he did?
He walked right out of this room
just as though l wasn't here.
And l was here.
Mr. Roberts is turning out to be
like an officer, ain't he?
Doug boy, we thought you were up in
the radio shack listening to the war news.
Don't you want to go out
and get a cup of coffee?
-Yeah, sure. l'll go with you.
-No, l don't want to. You go ahead.
Will you get out anyway?
l want to talk to Doc.
All right. l'm goin' for a cup of coffee.
No, l'm not.
l'm going to the radio shack
and listen to the war news.
You're not the only one interested.
See you later, Doc.
Transfer me, will you?
Transfer me to the hospital
on this next island. You can do it.
You don't need the Captain's approval.
Just put me ashore for examination.
Say there's something wrong
with my eyes or my feet or my head.
You can trump up something.
What good would that do?
Plenty. l'd lie around that hospital
for a couple of weeks till the ship sailed.
l'd be off this ship! Will you do it, Doc?
What's really the matter?
l just put Dolan on report.
On report?
Why?
l gave him an order. He didn't carry it out
fast enough to suit me.
No, that's not true.
lt's the war.
l heard the news. The war was ending
and l couldn't get to it.
There's Dolan, giving me guff about
something, and all of a sudden l hated him!
l hated all of them.
lf they think l'm bucking for a promotion,
that l walk ten feet across the room...
...to get anything from that captain...
...l'm through
with the whole ungrateful mob!
Does this crew owe you something?
What do you mean by that?
You talk as if they did.
That's exactly how l'm talking.
Doc, that shows you how far gone l am.
l'm blaming them for something that--
What? Something what?
Doug, you've made some sort of an
agreement with the Captain, haven't you?
Agreement? l don't know what you mean.
Doc, turn on the radio!
This broadcast will bring you
a special newsflash.
The war is over in Europe!
The war is over in Europe!
Germany has surrendered unconditionally
to the Allied Armies.
The surrender was signed
in a schoolhouse in the city of Reims.
l would remind you that there is still
a minor skirmish here in the Pacific.
l'll miss that, too.
But this is the greatest day in the world.
We've got to celebrate.
-How about it, Frank?
-Yeah, we've gotta celebrate.
What'll it be? Alcohol and orange juice
or orange juice and alcohol?
Doc, that's not good enough.
We've gotta think of something
to lift this ship out of the water...
...and turn it around the other way.
You're gonna blow your lids
when you hear this idea!
Oh, what a sweet idea!
You said l never finish anything l start.
Boy, you're wrong.
Tonight l started something
and l'm gonna finish it.
-Wait a minute, what is it?
-A firecracker.
We're gonna heave a firecracker
under that old man's bunk, and bam!
Wake up, you unpatriotic old slob!
lt's V-E Day!
Did you ever see such a hand-painted,
hand-packed firecracker in your life?
lt's the most beautiful firecracker
l've ever seen, but will it work?
Sure it will! Well, l think it will.
Haven't you tested it?
lt's gotta work, it's just gotta.
l'll take it to the laundry, my laboratory.
l've got all the makings there.
lf this one works,
l can make another in two minutes.
We'll wait here. Be sure you've got enough
to make it loud. What about powder?
Powder? This ain't no popgun.
lt's a firecracker.
l used fulminate of mercury!
Fulminate of mercury? That stuff's murder.
Do you suppose he means it?
Of course not! Where would he get
fulminate of mercury?
l don't know. He's pretty resourceful.
-Well, how about a little drink?
-Right.
Doc, l've been living with a genius.
This makes everything worthwhile, a whole
year and a half he spent in his bunk.
How else could you celebrate VE Day?
A firecracker under the old man's bunk!
-To better days.
-Right.
And to a great American,
Frank Thurlowe Pulver...
...soldier, statesman, scientist.
Friend of the working girl.
What was that?
l don't know what it was, Captain,
but l'll try and find out.
Hey, there! Up on the bridge!
ls there anything wrong up there?
Help! Help!
This may be pretty bad, Doug.
Geez, that stuff's terrific!
Are you all right?
Yeah, l'm great.
You should have been there!
You're not burned or anything?
No, but that laundry's kind of beat up.
You know those laundry machines...
...are clear on the other side of the room.
There's a new porthole on the starboard
side. The electric eye went right through.
l guess a steam line must have busted.
l was up to here in lather!
Soapsuds were flying all around.
lt was absolutely beautiful!
What was it? Has anybody found out?
lt was the laundry, Captain.
A steam line must have busted.
Any damage?
We can't get in there.
The passageway is solid soapsuds.
Well, tell those men to be more careful.
Aye, aye, sir.
Frank, our celebration is
just getting started.
The night is young and our duty is clear.
-What now?
-We're gonna get the rest of your stuff.
You proved that it worked.
You just hit the wrong target, that's all.
We're gonna make another firecracker
and put it where it really belongs.
All of my stuff was down in the laundry.
lt all went up.
l'm sorry, Doug. l'm awful sorry.
That's okay, Frank.
-You're not sore at me, are you?
-What for?
-For spoiling the celebration.
-Of course not.
lt was a good idea, wasn't it?
lt was a great idea. l'm proud of you.
lt just didn't work, that's all.
-Where are you going?
-Out on deck.
Wait, l'll clean up and come.
l'm gonna turn in after that.
lt's okay, Frank.
He was happy there for a minute.
Did you hear him laughing?
Did you find out
what's the matter with him?
No, he wouldn't tell me.
But l know one thing he's feeling tonight
and that's panic.
Tonight he feels his war is dying
before he can get to it.
l let him down.
He wanted to celebrate and l let him down.
We hope that the King and Queen
will come out.
The crowds are cheering. Listen to them.
At any second now
we hope to see Their Majesties.
The color here is tremendous.
Everywhere rosettes!
Everywhere gay red, white and blue hats!
What's all that jabberin' on the radio?
Something about the King and Queen.
A steam line busted in the laundry.
They're cleaning it up now.
lt ain't even worth going to see.
Come on, Dolan,
don't let them get you down.
What was them croquette things
we had for chow tonight?
Good evening.
You fellas hear the news?
The war is over in Europe.
Yes, sir, we heard.
Sure, maybe somebody'll get
on the ball out here now.
Dolan, l....
l guess l kind of blew my top.
l'm sorry. l'm taking you off report.
Whatever you want, sir.
Well, l guess l'll hit the old sack.
Yeah, me too.
-Yeah, l think so.
-Good night.
l didn't realize how late it was.
Since I talked to you minutes ago...
...the picture's changed a little bit
here in Times Square....
Our boys have won this victory today.
But the rest is up to you.
You, and you alone must recognize
our enemies...
...the forces of ambition, cruelty,
arrogance and stupidity!
You must recognize them.
You must destroy them!
You must tear them out
as you would a malignant growth...
...and cast them
from the surface of the Earth!
Sound the general alarm!
Sound the general alarm!
Sound the general alarm.
Off to the deck!
What happened?
What happened?
Must be an air raid!
Submarine! Must be a submarine!
What happened?
-Submarine!
-Must be an air raid!
Secure that life raft!
He didn't say abandon ship!
All right, now, wait a minute!
Laundry detail report to forward gun!
l'm coming! Where's the gun?
-lnsigna?
-Yeah.
Are you supposed to be up there?
Yeah. We was up here last year.
Dowdy, where's my battle station?
l don't know where your battle station is.
Look around!
Ask a man politely where his battle station
is and he says, ''Look around! ''
Engine room manned and ready.
All battle stations manned and ready.
All except mine.
All battle stations manned and ready,
Captain.
All right. Who did it?
Who did it?
You are going to stand sweating at those
battle stations until someone confesses!
It's an insult to the honor of this ship.
The symbol of our cargo record
has been destroyed...
...and l'm going to find out who did it
if it takes all night!
Symbol of our cargo record. What's that?
l don't know.
Stefanowski, find some battle station.
-The palm tree's gone.
-Hey, come on, come on!
-The palm tree. The palm tree's gone.
-The palm tree's gone.
Read me that master list.
Abernathy.
No, not Abernathy.
-Baker.
-No.
-O'Neill.
-No, not O'Neill.
Pulver.
Pulver wouldn't have the guts.
Go on, go on.
Roberts.
Roberts! That's the one!
Get him up here. Get him up here,
right now! Get him up here!
Mr. Roberts will report...
...to the Captain's cabin on the double.
Mr. Roberts will report
to the Captain's cabin on the double.
Give me that!
Roberts! Roberts, you get up here
in one quick hurry!
Roberts, get a move on.
I'm giving you an order!
Do you hear me, Roberts?
This is it. You get a move on
and get up here, or this is finally...
...finally the showdown. We are going
to have it out right here and now.
Do you hear, Roberts?
Get up here now!
You want to see me, Captain?
You did it! Don't stand there and lie to me.
Confess it!
Confess what? l don't know
what you're talking about.
You know what l'm talking about
because you did it!
You've double-crossed me!
You've gone back on your word!
No, I haven't, Captain.
Oh, yes, you have! Yes, you have.
I kept my part of the bargain.
I gave this crew liberty!
I gave this crew liberty...
...but you've gone back on your word.
You promised me on your word of honor!
I kept my word. I haven't written
any more letters.
l'm not talking about your stinking letters.
l'm talking about what you did tonight!
Tonight? l don't understand you, Captain.
What do you think l did tonight?
You know what you did!
You stabbed me in the back!
You stabbed me in the--
Will the Doctor please report
to the Captain's cabin on the double!
Will the doctor please report
to the Captain's cabin on the double!
Hey, Lindstrom, where is the old man?
He's sittin' in a chair, leaning way forward.
What's the Doc doing?
Doc's holding a wastebasket.
What wastebasket?
The one the old man's got his head in.
There he goes again!
They got him to the couch.
That's it.
Now we mustn't let ourselves
get angry, Captain.
We know that, don't we?
Look out, here they come.
We'll not need the stretcher now.
Sorry.
Chief?
Yes, sir.
Pass the word to the men
to secure from general quarters.
See you later.
Now hear this! Now hear this!
Secure from general quarters.
Good night, Mr. Roberts.
Good night, Reber.
Okay, Mr. Roberts. l'll take these down
to the gangway.
The boat from the island should be out
here any minute for you. l'll let you know.
Never thought you'd be taking this trip,
did you?
l'll be off this bucket before l even wake up.
They're flying you all the way
to the Livingston?
l don't know. Dispatch said,
''Transfer, travel by air, if possible.''
They're landing planes at Okinawa now.
That's where my can's
probably running around.
Okinawa?
You be mighty careful, Doug boy.
Doc, l even got a destroyer:
the Livingston.
l know a guy on the Livingston.
He don't think it's so hot.
Here your are, Mr. Roberts. l typed up
three copies of the radio dispatch.
l have to keep one copy
and here's two for you.
You are now officially detached
from this here bucket. Let me be the first.
How about these orders?
l haven't sent in a letter for a month.
Listen, l can tell you exactly
how that happened.
You see, those guys in Washington
need men awful bad for combat duty.
They lookinged through
some of the old letters...
...and come across one of yours.
Listen, we can't stand here
beating our gums. The old man says:
''lf he ain't out of here in one hour,
l'll throw him off! ''
-ls that all he said?
-That's all he said.
After fighting this thing for two years,
you'd think he'd say more than that.
Guard, I don't want no man closer
than ten feet! Understand?
What's that?
A new botanical garden.
Ain't you heard?
When we anchored this morning,
he sent Olsen out with a special detail.
Dug up a new palm tree.
He's already set a -hour watch on that
new baby, with orders to shoot to kill!
That reminds me, Ensign Pulver,
the Captain wants to see you right away.
-What about?
-l don't know, sir.
l'll come back to say good-bye later,
Mr. Roberts. Come on, Ensign Pulver.
l bet those guys down in the laundry
starched his pajamas again!
-You're pretty happy, aren't you?
-Yep.
You're happy about it, too, aren't you, Doc?
l think it's the only thing for you.
What do you think of the crew now?
They're all right. They're nice guys.
How do you think they feel about you?
They like me well enough,
till the next guy comes along.
You don't think you're necessary to them?
Doc, no officer is necessary to a crew.
Are you going to leave this ship
believing that?
lt's nothing against them, Doc.
They're too busy lookin' out for themselves
to worry about anybody else.
Well, take a good, deep breath, Buster.
What do you think got you your orders?
Prayer and fasting?
Sending in enough box tops?
Dolan said one of my old letters turned up.
This crew got you transferred.
They were so busy
thinking about themselves...
...that they took a chance of landing
in prison for five years, every one of them.
You couldn't send in a letter for transfer,
so they sent one in for you.
They knew the Captain wouldn't
sign it approved...
...so they didn't bother him.
They signed it for him.
Doc, what do you mean?
They forged the Captain's name?
That's it exactly.
lt was quite a thing to see, Doug...
...the Captain's name-signing contest.
Every man in the crew trying his best...
...to copy that little scrawl of the Captain's.
Then the judges decided the winner.
At the time, there was some criticism
of their decision...
...on the grounds that the judges
were drunk.
But apparently from the results,
they chose pretty well.
How did you find out about it?
Well, it was a great honor.
l'm the only officer aboard who knows.
l was a contestant.
l was also a judge.
This double honor was accorded me
because of my character...
...charm, good looks...
...and because the medical department
contributed...
...four gallons of grain alcohol
to the contest.
Who won? Who signed it?
l'm not at liberty to say.
Basically, they all did.
And with just one idea in mind:
To do something for Mr. Roberts.
l wish you hadn't told me.
lt makes me look pretty silly
after what l just said.
But l didn't mean it, Doc.
l was afraid to say what l really feel.
l love those guys.
l think they're the greatest guys
on this Earth.
All of a sudden l feel there's something
terribly wrong about leaving them.
What can l say to them?
Nothing. You don't know about it.
After you're safely aboard your new ship
l'm supposed to write and tell you about it.
At the bottom of the letter l'm to say:
''Thanks for the liberty, Mr. Roberts.
''Thanks for everything.''
l'm the new cargo officer.
And that ain't all. l've gotta have dinner
with him tonight.
He likes me!
Come in.
What's that?
Fire and rescue party!
We heard you had a fire in here.
No, but as long as you're here--
A false alarm, then? ln that case,
we might as well drink this stuff.
What's in that?
A new batch of jungle juice?
ln the handy new portable container.
Everybody loaded?
All right, you guys, you can come in now.
What is it?
Open it.
What is it, Doug?
lt's a palm tree, see.
lt was Dowdy's idea.
Mannion made it.
He cut it out of sheet brass.
Mannion drew the words on it, too.
Stefanowski thought up the words.
Booksie gets credit for the ribbon, from
a box of candy he got from his mother.
Read the words, Mr. Roberts.
''Order of....''
''Order of the Palm.
''To Lieutenant J.G. Douglas Roberts.
''For action against the enemy,
above and beyond the call of duty.''
lt's very nice,
but l think you've got the wrong guy.
We know, sir.
But we'd like you to have it anyway.
Okay, l'll keep it.
Stefanowski thought up the words.
They're fine words.
The boat's here, Mr. Roberts.
l put your gear in.
They want to shove off right away.
-We haven't had our drink yet.
-No, sir.
You won't get any jungle juice
aboard that destroyer, Mr. Roberts.
That's right, Dowdy.
Good-bye, Doc. And thanks.
Good-bye, Frank.
Remember, l'm counting on you!
Mail call will be
on the forward hatch immediately.
Newspapers. Eight weeks old.
Ensign Pulver, we just heard.
No movies again tonight!
Why not?
He said we was making too much noise.
We wasn't making too much noise.
Talk to him, will you, Ensign Pulver?
What me? To the Captain? Yeah.
-Bookser?
-Yes, sir.
-Lindstrom?
-Yes, sir.
-Dolan?
-Here, sir.
-Stefanowski?
-Right here, sir.
My mother, all she ever says is,
''Stay away from Japan.''
What's your news, Doc?
My wife got some new wallpaper
for the living room.
Pretty.
Alabama.
l shall read that one later.
-Hey, Doc. This is from Doug.
-Yeah?
What does he say?
Hey, you guys. You want to hear a letter
from Mr. Roberts?
''Dear Frank....
''This will be short and sweet...
''...as we're shoving off
in about two minutes.''
This was dated three weeks ago.
Does he say where he is?
Yeah, he says, ''My guess about
the location of this ship is exactly right.''
That means he's around Okinawa.
He met Fornell.
That friend of mine, guy named Fornell
l went to college with?
This is what he says:
''Fornell says that you and he used
to load up your car with liquor in Omaha...
''...and sell it at an indecent profit
to the fraternity boys at lowa city.''
''How about that?''
We did, too!
''This part is for Doc. l've been....''
Go ahead and read it. lt's for both of us.
''Doc, l've been aboard this destroyer
for two weeks now...
''...and we've already been through
four air attacks.
''l'm in the war at last, Doc!
''l've caught up with that task force
that passed me by.
''l'm glad to be here.
l had to be here, l guess.
''But l'm thinking now of you, Doc,
and you, Frank.
''And Dolan, and Dowdy, and lnsigna
and everyone else on that bucket.
''All the guys everywhere who sail
from Tedium to Apathy...
''...and back again,
with an occasional side trip to Monotony.
''This is a tough crew on here,
and they have a wonderful battle record.
''But l've discovered, Doc,
that the unseen enemy of this war...
''...is the boredom
that eventually becomes a faith...
''...and, therefore, a terrible sort of suicide.
''l know now that the ones
who refuse to surrender to it...
''...are the strongest of all.
''Right now l'm looking at something
that's hanging over my desk.
''A preposterous hunk of brass...
''...attached to the most bilious piece
of ribbon l've ever seen.
''l'd rather have it
than the Congressional Medal of Honor.
''lt tells me what l'll always be proudest of:
''That at a time in the world
when courage counted most...
''...l lived among brave men.
''So, Doc, and especially you, Frank,
don't let those guys down.
''Of course l know that by this time
they must be very happy...
''...because the Captain's overhead
is filled with marbles.
''And here comes the mail orderly.
This has to go now. l'll finish it later.
''Meanwhile you guys can write too,
can't you? Doug.''
May l see that, Frank?
This one's from Fornell.
''l'd rather have it
than the Congressional Medal of Honor.''
Well, l'm glad he found that out.
What's the matter?
What's the matter?
Frank, what is it?
Mr. Roberts is dead.
This is from Fornell.
They took a Jap suicide plane
and killed everybody in a twin battery...
...and went right on through
and killed Doug...
...and some other officer, in the wardroom.
They were drinking coffee when it hit.
Coffee?
Could l have that?
l'd like to post it for the crew.
Post this instead. lt's theirs.
Yes, who is it?
lt is l, Ensign Pulver, and l just threw
your stinkin' palm tree overboard.
Now what's all this crud
about no movie tonight?