Money For Nothing Script - Dialogue Transcript

Voila! Finally, the Money For Nothing script is here for all you fans of the John Cusack movie. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to drop me a line. At least you'll have some Money For Nothing quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?

And swing on back to Drew's Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.

Money For Nothing Script

  
  
 My bills are all due
and my baby needs shoes 

  
 And I'm busted 

  
 Cotton is down
to a quarter a pound 

  
 But I'm busted 

  
 Gotta a cow that went dry
and a hen that won't lay 

  
 A big stack ofbills
that gets bigger each day 

  
 The county's gonna haul
all my things away 

  
'Cause I'm busted 

  
 They got the change
of a nickel,y'all 

  
-  Busted 
-  Hey 

  
I've been to my brother
just to ask for a loan 

  
 'Cause I was busted 

  
 Said I hate to beg
like a dog without a bone 

  
-  But I'm busted 
-  Oh, well, well, well 

  
-  My brother said 
- Hey, there ain't a thing I can do 

  
-  Well 
-  My wife and my kids
are all down with the flu 

  
-  Said it's true 
- And I was just thinkin'about
calling on you 

  
 'Cause I'm busted 

  
 'Cause 

  
 Well, I am no thief
but a man can go wrong 

  
 When he's busted 

  
 Well, you know the food
that we canned last summer is gone 

  
 And I'm busted 

  
 See the fields are all bare
and the cotton won't grow 

  
 Me and my family
gotta pack up and go 

  
 I'll make a living
Just where I don't know 

  
 'Cause I'm busted, oh 

  
 Oh, I'm busted 

  
Tired of being busted
all the time.

  
 I need some money
Yeah 

  
 Oh, money 

  
 My bills are all due
My baby needs shoes d

  
 And I'm busted d

  
 Sent out of town
like a dog without a bone 

  
 'Cause I'm busted 

  
 I try and I try
but still nothing gets paid 

  
 That big stack of bills
gets bigger each day 

  
 They're trying to take
everything I own away 

  
 Yeah 

  
 'Cause I'm
I'm busted 

  
 Without a dime 

  
Yeah, We're en route to Atlantic City

  
Check, 42.
You're running behind schedule.

  
 don't have a dime 

  
 No money 

  
 So broke 

  
Shipside orders, three plus one.

  
- Jimmy O'Connor and Timmy O'Connor.
- Here

  
- Wilhelm.
- Right

  
Chilled cargo, containers.
Camden Marine terminal.

  
- Rivera.
- Yeah

  
- Hoffman. O'Hara and Wolkin. Hanratty.
- Yeah

  
- Eddie
- Uh-huh.

  
- Rudolph. Jackson
- Yeah.

  
Final call.
Concentrated O.J., six plus one.

  
- Benvenutti. McClaghan.
- Yo.

  
- Jefferson.
- Yeah.

  
Dunleavy

  
- Whoa, there you go
See what clean livin' can do?
- Shut up

  
You,Joey

  
NotJoey Coyle
Joey Sullivan Come on

  
- Let's go, Sully.
All right, that's it today.

  
- That's two weeks
almost we ain't workin'

  
I can do twice the work of that
old geezer Sullivan, so he must
got somethin' on you, right?

  
Yeah, he's got four kids
he's gotta feed
That's what he's got on me

  
Come on, find me a slot
Pad a gang if you have to Half a day

  
You ain't gonna put me to work,
you know, front me some cigarette money

  
Hey, a man who can't buy
his own cigarettes,
shouldn't be smokin', should he?

  
You-You always get philosophical
on me when you don't gimme work

  
Come on, William
I got so many holes in my shirt,
when I walk down the street, I hum

  
Hey, little brother!

  
Tuna fish?

  
What do you want from me?
Tell it to Eleanor I'll see you later

  
How's it goin'?

  
What?
Are we lost or what?

  
- Jesus, man
- Shortcut to the new highway

  
- Joe, what do you want to do now?
- Same thing we always do:

  
Drive around all day
with our dicks in our hands

  
This is gettin' boring,
you know

  
- dd
- Joey, my father don't want
nobody smokin' in this car

  
I'm glad we're
clearin' this up

  
Damn lighter
don't work no how

  
- Yeah
- Got my half of that sandwich?

  
Take the big piece

  
dd

  
Joe, there's more celery
in this than tuna

  
You know what
I don't understand.

  
Your own brother
can't even give us a Job

  
That's Billy Always got to prove to
everybody that he's fair all the time

  
It's like- It's like a-acute integrity,
you know what I'm sayin'?

  
Fuckin' wearin' me out

  
It's not my fault
if the city don't fix the roads

  
dd

  
Things'll get better,Joe
You know?

  
Things always get better

  
Before you know it,
we'll be eligible for retirement

  
Down at Atlantic City
sippin' on margaritas or something

  
Yeah
Forty years'll go by in no time

  
Hey, pull over That thing there
It might make a good toolbox

  
- It's a piece of crap
- Pull over Stop the car
Come on, stop the car!

  
Joey, hurry up
and get your little box, all right?

  
Move it!
Go! Go!

  
- I thought you wanted that stinkin' box
- The hell with the box

  
Joey, what the fuck are you doin'?

  
- Joey, what the hell you got?
- Somethin' on its way to Trump
TaJ Mahal in Atlantic City

  
- What is it?
- 12 million

  
12 million what?

  
Hey,Joey,Joey,
that's my mom's crucifix

  
- She'd be-
- Aaah

  
Joey, is that real?

  
That looks like
it's real,.Joey.!

  
Wow!

  
Wow!

  
Wow!

  
Don't-Don't touch it,.Joey. You don't
wanna get your fingerprints on it.

  
Okay?
Don't touch the money.

  
It's all- It's all
hundred dollar bills

  
I think these are unmarked!

  
- You don't find that kind of
money Just lying on the street
- I Just did

  
- It don't belong to us
- Finders, keepers, Kenny

  
Joey, look at the bag It says
"Property of the Federal Reserve"

  
- That makes this a federal offense.
- Kenny, think about it

  
- Did we hurt anybody?
- No

  
Did we steal it
from anybody? No

  
Are we giving it back?
Hell, no!

  
Possessión is nine-tenths of the law
You know what I'm sayin'?

  
It's-It's their negligence

  
It's their-
Oh, ah, 11:00, 11:00.!

  
- Shit,.Joey.
- Drive straight. Drive straight.

  
We're busted,.Joey.

  
- If we're caught, we're busted.
- Don't drive slow.

  
- Don't drive slow
- I'm not,Joe

  
Joey, I ain't gonna be nobody's
cell bitch for a sack of dough

  
What the hell
are you doin'?

  
Are you insane?

  
There are cops
back there

  
Joey, listen to me
We walk over to the cops

  
We say, "Cops,
look what we found"

  
We give 'em the money.
You know there's gonna be a big reward.

  
Then we'll be big heroes
and we'll be big shots.

  
All right? We'll be the guys
who found the money

  
Kenny, who wants to be famous
for being stupid?

  
- Kenny, Kenny, we're keepin'the money.
- You're keepin' the money,Joe

  
Kenny, you're gonna regret this
for the rest of your life

  
- Half of it's yours Drive the car
- Shut up!

  
All right This is what's gonna happen
I never gave you a ride home

  
I never saw that money,
all right?

  
I want you to swear on your
father's grave that whatever
happens, I'm not involved

  
I swear to you, Kenny

  
- Please drive the car! Fuck it
- Joey, get out of my car.

  
I'll see you later

  
- Hi,Joey
- How ya doin', Mrs Breen?

  
Anybody home?

  
Is that you,.Joey?

  
- Yeah, Ma
- I thought I heard you come in.

  
I could do with a hand
to carry in the laundry upstairs.

  
Be right down, Ma

  
- You look worried
- No work

  
Well, it'll pick up

  
Your father always
used to say

  
"Theresa, someday our ship
is gonna come in.

  
And when it does, wejust have
to be careful we're not at the airport. "

  
You worried
about money,Joey?

  
- No
- You sure?

  
Yeah I'm all right Really

  
- Sure you're all right
- Ma. Ma. Ma.

  
- Take Monica to the movies
- Mom Ma

  
Yeah, yeah, yeah

  
Me and Monica,
we're all done

  
Well, then you're gonna need it when
you get back together again Yes, yes

  
Joey, what happened
to the bedspread?

  
I put it outside in the thing
when I was doin' the other thing

  
Let me help you with the laundry

  
- Somethin' fell What fell?
- My key

  
Lick your fingers,Joey!

  
This is
your lucky day

  
Ninety-one, clear.

  
I watched them secure the doors

  
No way those bags
could've Just dropped off

  
So do you mind telling me
where they are now?

  
Do you have any clue where they went?
Did theyjust fly away?

  
Pat Laurenzi,
South Detectives

  
It's been 48 minutes

  
- since I placed the call.
- How much money's missing?

  
$12 million

  
Are these the two drivers
in question?

  
He's the driver
I'm the hopper

  
Hopper What is that?
Do you hop around?

  
- I hop out and get the money
while he wait in the truck
- Detective Laurenzi

  
I don't want tojump
to any conclusions before...

  
you complete
your investigation

  
But our equipment is inspected
on a weekly basis

  
This obviously
involves human error

  
or criminal conspiracy

  
Did the alarm malfunction?

  
The door's locked.
The men carry guns.

  
An alarm system would be
an unnecessary redundancy

  
See, this never would've happened
if you hadn't cut us back

  
We used to have
a third man ride in the back

  
- Lock me in Yeah
- Lock you in?

  
I ask for a detective
They send Houdini

  
Okay

  
The trucks they give us ain't fit
to carry clothes to the Salvation Army

  
You're terminated
Both of you

  
I'm on the Job 14 years
when you still in school

  
It was Just me, your father
and two Puerto Ricans
and a converted milk truck

  
Look, I got a family to support
I'm 52 years old I can't go
and start knockin' on doors now

  
You should've thought of that
before you fucked up.

  
In our top local story tonight,
Liberty Bell Courier announced
$12 million fell out

  
of the storage compartment
from one of their armored trucks
during a delivery run.

  
Did I hear that right?
A million bucks fell off a truck?

  
Our reporter Lois Bowden filed an
earlier report from South Philadelphia

  
where police are concentrating
their efforts to recover the lost loot

  
- Losing
$ 1.2 million isn't as easy-
- Anybody want more fish?

  
- But it can happen
- Joey, shhh, I wanna hear this

  
Standing beside me is Steve Hrbek,
vice president of Liberty Bell Courier

  
Mr Hrbek,
how could this happen?

  
I can't give any reason
for this unfortunate mishap.

  
I can only say that something
went seriously wrong.

  
- I'll say
- Even though they are rare,
you find that incidents...

  
like these
do occur in our business.

  
Usually the money is recovered
before the story hits the evening news

  
but obviously in this case,
that didn't happen.

  
Is there anything
you'd like to say to the person
who found the money?

  
It's not yours Give it back

  
Reporting from South Philly,
this is Lois Bowden, Channel Five news.

  
In other news,
60% of Philadelphians we polled...

  
said they would leave
the City of Brotherly Love,
if given a chance.

  
Who conducts all these polls, hmm?
Nobody ever asks my opinion

  
That dumb S.O.B.
who found that money...

  
- he don't even know what he's in for
- What's an SOB?

  
- Never mind
- Well, lucky stiff

  
He did no more
than the politicians

  
He picked up his.
They got theirs handed to 'em.

  
It ain't against the law
to find money.

  
- It is to keep it
- What are you talkin' about?

  
Happens all the time
down at the docks, right?

  
Guys tryin'to take home
unclaimed merchandise.

  
- They're always doin'it
when no one's lookin'.
- Burn 'em at the stake

  
- You don't understand anything,
you know that?
- No

  
You don't take something
if it's not yours You Just don't

  
A lot of people got money
problems, they don't steal
This guy, he finds this money

  
Pennsylvania law says if you
find somethin'worth over $and you don't try to return it...

  
you're committing a crime,
same as stealin'

  
And you get up
to five years in prison

  
You get five years?

  
Yeah, for findin'
some money

  
What are you,
the attorney general?

  
If I found that loot...

  
all them garbage cans up there,
I wouldn't have to be pickin'
out of'em no more

  
I'd order me up limousines
two feet longer than anybody else's

  
I'd build me a house
way up on top of the hill

  
And they'd say, "Man, you live up there?"
I'd say, "Yeah, I live up there"

  
They'd say, "How you live
way up there?" I'd say, "Man,
it could happen to any of us"

  
- You know what I mean? Heck, yeah
- That's a hundred dollar bill

  
Whoa!

  
If I found a million dollars,
I'd buy more shoes than Imelda Marcos

  
- The rest I'd probably waste
- Not me

  
I got a condo I can't sell
The bank's gonna repossess it

  
I got a Porsche I can't drive
The insurance is too high

  
I got a girlfriend who likes to drive
through the south of France

  
and drink
ten dollar cappuccinos

  
If I found a million dollars, I'd put it
up as collateral to get out of debt

  
- then borrow more money.
- dd

  
There's a gentlemen
staring at you

  
- Oh, yeah?
- I think so

  
Do you know what you could buy
for $12 million?

  
- I'm gonna come back
and have a drink later
- Okay

  
Could I have a vodka and cranberry?
Stoli, with three limes

  
I was sitting here
a minute ago

  
- Can I get a Rolling Rock?
- We only carry imported

  
- All right, run a tab.
- Okay I need a credit card

  
I'm applyin' for one

  
It's okay

  
dd

  
How's everythin'
goin' at the bank?

  
Joe, get it right We're not a bank
We're an investment firm

  
- I thought we decided
not to see each other anymore
- Yeah, we did

  
Come on, Monica, I know
you think I'm here-
I don't need a glass

  
I know you think I'm gonna try to talk
you into sleeping with me

  
And that we're gonna get back
together and then we're gonna
break up It's gonna be a mess

  
I just need your help...
in an area of your expertise.

  
Expertise in what,Joe?

  
Money

  
Money?

  
Here's a question, seriously

  
Is there a way for a guy
like me, a guy who's stuck

  
to walk into your firm
and invest a big chunk of change?

  
A million cash,you know.
Whatever. What kind of
questions are they gonna ask?

  
What kind of questions?

  
They'll need to see picture ID,
your social security number

  
- That's all I need?
- If it's less than $10,
  
Anything in excess, we're required
to notify the Treasury Department

  
Is there a way for me,
you know, and you maybe, to

  
move around the commas and
the zeroes so that the IRS
doesn't find out about it?

  
Joe,

  
a guy like you is never gonna
walk into my office with a million cash

  
All right
I mean, who you kidding?

  
Look at you, you're still wearin' the
same clothes as the last time I saw you

  
Check, please

  
- I got it
- No, no, it's on me

  
That'll be $
  
Hey, you know,
some money fell off an armored truck

  
There's a police alert now
for suspicious characters
spending hundred dollar bills

  
If Joey Coyle has a hundred dollar bill,
you can rest assured it's his last one

  
He's a good lookin' guy, that guy
You know that guy?

  
dd

  
Can I get a pack ofTareytons?
Can you make it two?

  
So, what do you think?
Do you think this guy's gonna make it?

  
- I hope so, but half the town
is looking for him.
- Yeah

  
- Well, he better go to the other half
- Yeah. $5.20.

  
- Keep the change
- Thanks

  
Hey, here go that guy
who gave us that money.

  
- Hey, man Come on, man
- No, I'm all right

  
dd

  
dI heard my father say
I'd never come to much dd

  
I think if I found
that money, I'd give it back.

  
You know what my horoscope
said today, Bobby?

  
It said, "Beware of strangers
bearing gifts because what is
free is too expensive"

  
Ain't no missin' money
Government's so deep in debt,
they arrange an accident

  
money fallin' out of the back
of an armored truck

  
so they can bail out the S & L's

  
- Hey,Joey
- Hey, Lindey
Did Dino make his run tonight?

  
You lost too, huh? Everybody
took the Sixers with the points

  
- I need a Rolling Rock
- If I found that
million, I'd go to the dentist.

  
Then, I'd get rid of that
horrible rug in the den
But, first, I'd go to the dentist

  
Joey, treatin'yourself royally
on my money?

  
- Your money?
- My money.

  
You owe me at least
a full tank of gas

  
for all them rides
home from the dock,.Joe.!

  
You hit me up for a ten-spot
the last time you took out your bitch

  
- Whoa Her name's Monica
- All right

  
Thank you Really

  
Dino

  
- Hello, Lindey
- Yo

  
Bud Light

  
Hey, Dino,
I got that ten-spot I lost on the game.

  
Hey, Lindey! So, what would it cost
to buy the house a drink?

  
What are you gonna use
for money, deutsche marks?

  
Like I was saying,
how much is it gonna cost...

  
to get everybody in this bar so drunk
they're pissin'out their ears?

  
- Four hundred bucks.
- Four hundred bucks? Everybody?

  
Everybody, including me!

  
All right, then, there's
gonna be no more bitchin'
about this man Dino Palladino

  
How he comes in here every night
and he books your bets and...

  
- he doesn't pay off
because I'm livin' proof
- C-notes.

  
Not even Atlantic City can provide
what Dino Palladino provides

  
to the South Philly
gamblin' community

  
- All right,.Joey.
- Put your money away.

  
All right, comin' up
Who's next?

  
No loyalty
You bet against our Sixers?

  
Ah, it wasn't B-ball
Picked a pony

  
- It's a pony
- A pony?

  
Yeah

  
- You and me
- Let's not panic Lorraine,
take care of those guys

  
- What do you got? Two Bud's
- Talk to me, baby

  
I need a fresh beer.

  
- Lock the door
- Go

  
- Let's see it
- Go, go!

  
- Let me see it
- Go

  
Joe, listen I know mooks
that have spent their whole lives

  
trying to figure out a way
to pop an armored car

  
In my book,
I look up to you

  
All right, so we're
just gonna walk in

  
we're gonna launder it,
and we're gonna walk out

  
That's right
You'll get it tonight,Joe

  
Tonight
And now, you gotta do me a favor

  
When we walk in there,
let me handle it...

  
'cause I've done it before

  
I've done all this shit before
so let me handle it

  
Don't bullshit me,
all right?

  
You ain't never even seen
$12 million before tonight

  
Why you come to me?

  
Huh? I mean, go to Monica

  
Go to your girl.

  
She works in a bank

  
You walk in that place with that kind
of money, they'll handcuff you to a desk

  
I came to you
Okay?

  
No one saw you
picking it up?

  
Right?

  
You and me
are the only ones that know about this

  
Piece of cake

  
So, when I swap the hundreds,
I'm gonna get back tens,
fifties, anything I want?

  
- I-It's gonna be okay with this guy?
- The guy's loaded

  
He collects every bet in South Phil
What else do you want,Joe?

  
- Is that his car?
- Yeah, one of them
He's a real connoisseur

  
- Yeah, he knows his shit, huh?
- Yeah

  
- Joey,Joey, gimme a minute
- In here or out there?

  
- You want me to walk around? Stay put
- No, no S-Stay put

  
So, are we gonna
go out tonight?

  
- Yeah, we'll go to Angelo's
- Mr Goldoni?

  
- I brought the guy that found
the Liberty Bell money.
- Where is he?

  
He's right over there

  
Yeah, maybe Nevada is
but we're not Nevada here.

  
- That's himJoseph
- Bring him in the office

  
- Five and a half
to five on the play-offs?
- Move to even

  
- He's close to clean
- Cover.

  
Yeah, this is Corky
The thing is what it is

  
- You keep four,.Joe.
- Slow down Slow down

  
You're gonna break
the sound barrier

  
Now, for every 400,000 I give you,
what are you prepared to give me?

  
For every four you give us,
we give you back three

  
Joe, he's
giving you $300,
  
- I'm giving him four
Joe, it's not a matter of...

  
what you want us to give you,
it's how much you wanna give us

  
Now, I'll tell you what. For the 1.2,
I'll give you back a million.

  
That way
you save 100,
  
Yeah, but if 12 costs two,
how come four costs one?

  
You keep four,.Joe.!

  
I take eight, give you back
seven out of the eight, same
as I would three out of four

  
It's the same thing

  
I- I-I don't get it
Really, I don't You get it?

  
He's taking one from four
He's not taking anything
from the eight

  
except his vig
of his first four

  
- It's pretty clear
- I don't get it. I'm sorry.

  
Is that how much I'm gonna give you
or how much you're gonna give me?

  
In terms of empathy, in the sense of
putting oneself inside

  
the skin of another person,
I admire that man

  
He was an inventor.

  
He had imagination.

  
He was a bit of a fatso,
but he was sexually active

  
And of...

  
all of the Founding Fathers

  
whose faces appear
on hard currency

  
he's the only one
cracking a smile; Ben Franklin

  
Why's Ben smilin'?

  
He was smart enough
not to be president

  
He lived in a tree house
for a period of time,.Joe.

  
What are you tal-

  
What are you talking about?
What has this got to do
with launderin' my money?

  
He was a playful man
He flew a kite

  
- What was on the end of Ben
Franklin's kite, historically?
- A piece of string

  
String
What was on the end of the string?

  
- Dino?
- A kite?

  
A key

  
A key A key!

  
Exactly
He caught lightning in a bottle!

  
The same way
you did,Joe

  
The same way you did.

  
That doesn't happen to too many
people in their lifetimes,
but it happened to you

  
Think about it.

  
What are you gonna do?

  
You can give us the money
and spend it while
you're young, enJoy it

  
Or you can dig a hole,
stick it in...

  
and hope that it's still there
when you dig it up.

  
It's up to you.

  
We do this tonight

  
It's the weekend It'll take maybe two,
three-three days at the most

  
Three days?

  
- Three days It's not like a week
- He said we could do it in one night

  
- That's a lot of money to count
- Joe, there's only six here

  
- Where's the rest?
- You said we could do this in one night

  
- You said you were bringing - So what, that's my business

  
- So what? It's my business
- It's my business

  
- Shut up!
- Shut up
- You shut up

  
Okay, the man has a right
to be cautiousJoe

  
you give us the six tonight,
we'll give you back the five,
then we repeat the process

  
So I get

  
my first five before I get you
your second six?

  
That's the deal
That's it

  
- Okay,Joe Okay
- Done

  
Now, is there anything you want,Joe?
Anything you need? Tuna, anything?

  
No, no, I'm not hungry
Uh, I Just gotta get home

  
- Gotta get home?
- Yeah

  
Dino, give him your shit box

  
It's a Cadillac

  
Take care of my money.

  
- Let's check this area
- I already checked it

  
Well, check it again

  
If I found that kind of money,
you'd never hear from me again

  
Twenty-four hours

  
- and not a single clue.
- That's because $10,isn't enough reward

  
You might not catch the guy
who stole the money...

  
but you'll probably
get his neighbor

  
This is South Philly,
Mr Hrbek

  
If you weren't familiar with
the neighborhood, you wouldn't
even know that street existed

  
If somebody in one of those
row houses got $12 million

  
believe me, they're gonna talk
to somebody

  
Is that how you solve crimes in South
Philly, Detective? Waiting around

  
for the crook
to tell the wrong person?

  
You know somethin'?
You guys are in business
because people can't be trusted

  
And if we don't find that money
to everyone's satisfaction

  
you might not be in business
for too much longer

  
Now, both your drivers passed
their polygraph test with flying colors

  
And the insurance company
knows that the accident happened
due to equipment malfunction

  
so you can forget
about a settlement

  
Raise the reward

  
It costs money
to find money

  
Mr Hrbek

  
I'll double the reward

  
$20,000 is still below
the going rate of a row house

  
Well, I'm not familiar with the price
of real estate in South Philly

  
Well, maybe you should
read up on it

  
You come up with 50 grand,
somebody's gonna talk

  
No, no, the reward stays at 
  
- You guys are still issued
rotary phones?

  
Yeah, you Just put your finger
in the little hole around
the number and drag it around

  
It takes a little longer
but it still works

  
Thank you

  
Ladies and gentlemen

  
Ladies and gentlemen

  
Monica

  
Hey,Joe

  
Get in

  
El D
Real leather seats

  
You're doin' good,Joe
Comin' up in life, huh?

  
It's a nice car

  
I've been doin' some thinkin' I want
you to be straight with me on somethin'

  
- Will you do that for me?
- I think that's always best

  
Now, nobody died in your family,
so I know you didn't inherit any money

  
- No, everybody's healthy
- I'm glad to hear it

  
And I checked the paper
You didn't win the lottery

  
No, I wouldn't waste my money
on a government racket

  
Uh-huh
And you're not a big gambler

  
Here and there,
a little bit, you know

  
Joe, I want you
to do me a favor

  
Yeah?

  
Can you show me what
$12 million looks like?

  
I could arrange that

  
It's like you dream
of somethin'like this happenin'
and then it happens...

  
- and-and you feel numb,
you know what I mean?
- Mm-hmm.

  
Think about it, whatever you need,
like medical, take care of your family.

  
I mean, even after that,
you know, anything.

  
Anything
that needs to be done...

  
can now be done

  
I mean, that'll really work
on your brain, you know what I mean?

  
I mean, what'd you want? Anything in
the worid Where do you wanna go?

  
- To Paris for breakfast?
Anything, it doesn't matter
- I would love

  
to go on vacation with you

  
Now we can go to the Caribbean, you
know Take one of those cruise ships

  
- Yeah
- Take some mambo classes

  
Two hundred extra for mambo

  
And we could use some new clothes
to go on the trip with, you know

  
Yeah You need some clothes

  
- Not the five and dime, come on
- Oh, she wants the top of the line

  
Yes, I do And, you know, I've always
wanted to continue my education

  
- College?
- Mm-hmm

  
- That's gonna take money
- Yes, it will

  
That's for college

  
And this is for uh, for uh,
your-your breeding and your grades

  
Excuse me?
Look who's talking

  
God, you know, I thought I had
a decent Job taking home $350 a week

  
Yeah

  
I'd be, I'd be a grandmother
by the time I earned $12 million

  
You'd think a life's worth of toil would
amount to more than this, you know

  
- And all this is only half the money
- Half?

  
- Yeah
- Where's the other half?

  
It's bein' washed

  
Washed?

  
Yeah Washed

  
- As in laundered?
- Yes, as in hand-washed, laundered

  
So we can spend it while we're young
That's the idea

  
Who did you give the rest to?

  
A friend

  
Someone I know?

  
You might

  
Who,Joe?

  
- I went to Catholic school with him
- You went to Catholic school

  
with 400 people.

  
Don't tell me Dino
Not Dino Palladino

  
The one and only

  
So, he's the only one
who knows besides you and me?

  
- Except for Kenny
- You told Kozlowski?

  
Kenny was there when I found it
Dino doesn't know because
Kenny says he wasn't there

  
You know what I'm sayin'?

  
That's Just great,Joe

  
So, it's Just, you know, basically,
Dino, Kenny, me and you

  
- This is great
- Where you goin'?

  
Look, I'm not stickin' around when Dino
and his boys come for the rest of it

  
Those guys will slit
your throat for five bucks

  
Those guys are businessmen
like everybody else

  
- Yeah, right
- All right,you're so smart...

  
I come to you for advice
the other day and you wouldn't
even give me the time of day

  
What are you gonna do if a
million-two drops in your lap
and you gotta change it?

  
I'll tell ya what I wouldn't do
I wouldn't give $600,000 to some
small-time hustler,Joe

  
And I wouldn't go spend
a fortune to show off to some girl

  
who already
gave up on you.

  
You're saying you're only here
with me 'cause of the money?

  
Good-bye,.Joe.

  
- Hey, you kids Hey, wait a minute!
- Cops! Come on, let's go!

  
Hey, come here!

  
Hey, come on back.!

  
- Oh, hey, hey, hey, come here
- No

  
Relax
You wanna wear these?

  
Gimme that
You got a hunting license, son?

  
You don't need a license
to hunt rats

  
Well, I guess you've never heard
of the Endangered Species Act?

  
- It was only a rat
- Well, I Just seen another
dead rat right over there

  
- Were you around here on Friday?
- No, I was in school studyin'

  
- Oh, yeah, I bet you were
- I was

  
I don't think so You saw
a yellow metal tub fall off
the back of an armored truck?

  
- I didn't see squat
- Put it this way

  
You tell me what you saw,
I'll give your bow back
If you don't, I'm gonna break it

  
I might've seen someone pick up
somethin' that don't belong to him

  
Was he tall? Short? Thin?
Fat? Blue? Green?

  
- He was a regular-lookin' white dude
- Like somebody from the neighborhood?

  
- Yeah, I might've seen him before
- What kind of car was he drivin'?

  
Shitty Gray fender needed paint
Chevy Chevelle

  
- A shitty Chevy Chevelle?
- Yeah

  
You sure about that
or you Just guessin'?

  
Of course I'm sure I spent all winter
sleepin' in back of one

  
Get outta here

  
- Loose in front.! Score.!
- Yes.!

  
Brind' Amour.!

  
- You weren't there, remember?
- Joey, this has turned into a big deal

  
- You saw the papers?
- Yeah, but it's okay

  
- The priest is talkin'
about it in his sermon
- It's a moral issue

  
Murray the cakeman keeps talkin' about
they're gonna catch you this weekend

  
- He said they're gonna catch
"the guy" this weekend
- Forget about the cakeman

  
You Just need a drink
You need to relax Drink up Lindey!

  
- This thing is makin' my stomach hurt
- Coyle.!

  
- Buy me a drink
- Yeah,Joey, buy us a drink

  
- Two more
- With all your winnings?

  
- What is he talkin' about, "winnings"?
- Uhhh

  
- He's Just bustin' my balls
- So why you buy him a drink?

  
- 'Cause he's an asshole
- So you buy him a drink?

  
- What is that?
- Tequila

  
- What do I care?
- Ohhh, tequila

  
- Happy days
- Salud.

  
- Ahhh You're beautiful,Joe
- Yeah

  
Joe?

  
I'm curious What race was it
that you won your money?

  
- Why you curious?
- Relax

  
- What race was it?
- Uh, it was the seventh at Philly Park

  
What was the name
of the horse?

  
- Nice
- Dumb Luck

  
- Lindey, you got Friday's race results?
- Yo.

  
- I can fish it out of the garbage.
- Why you bustin' my balls?

  
I want to pin it up

  
Look at this, 20,
  
Twenty-thousand reward.
I find a million-two,
I'm gonna give it up for 20 grand?

  
- I don't think so
- What was that? The seventh
race at Philly Park?

  
- Yeah
- Dumb Luck?

  
That's the horse

  
Joe, there ain't no horse
named Dumb Luck

  
You can't believe everything
you read in the newspapers

  
Joe, I usually believe it
when they're payin' me off

  
You know, I think it's some sort of
strange typo or somethin'

  
They don't have any typos
in the racing section

  
How could 22 guys
take a leak at the same time?

  
- Prostate, maybe
- Guess it must be goin' around

  
- A hundred dollar bill
I'm looking for 12,000 of these
- You know, it's funny but

  
I seen Ben Franklin standing out
by the Liberty Bell

  
and he was handin'out hundred
dollar bills to every tourist in town.

  
Dunleavy, let's not make
a hero out of a jerk.

  
What makes you think the guy
who found the money's a Jerk?

  
'Cause he's got the cops
lookin' for him

  
You wouldn't happen
to know where he is?

  
- We should tell 'em
He's gonna find out anyway
- You wanna know who found it?

  
It's Kozlowski

  
- That him?
- That's him right there.

  
Is it true what they say?

  
- You know about the money?
- If I found the money, I'd give it back

  
Yeah, yeah
I believe maybe you would

  
- Yes, I would
- You must be the only one
around here that would

  
I would

  
I got an idea that whoever found
that money is from this neighborhood.

  
Maybe it's someone
that everyone knows.

  
Well, here's my card

  
Anybody wants to talk

  
- Anybody?
- Yeah, I'll take one

  
You never know.

  
- Why- Why'd you take his card?
- Shut up

  
Joe.

  
Somethin'
I can do for you?

  
- Joe, you owe me
- What do you call that?

  
- Call it what you want.
- You gonna keep your mouth shut?

  
Yeah

  
- Hold on, hold on Wait 'til he leaves
- Why'd you give him the money?

  
- He Just left
- Why did you give him the money?

  
Just sit down

  
- Kenny, Kenny
- I wasn't gonna be involved
Now, you're draggin' me down

  
Nobody is goin' down, all right
Nobody's goin' down!

  
- No-
- Way to go,JC

  
You neglected to mention
the Chevelle

  
Joey, he knows
about my father's car?

  
- You got this idiot involved with me?
- I'm not-

  
- I had nothin' to do with it
- Shut up! Shut up!

  
Will you fuckin' relax? We're in the
street and there was a cop in there

  
- It's all over the radio
- What?

  
- The Chevelle Shut up!
- You got my father's car on the radio?

  
- The keys.
- You got my father's car
on the radio,.Joe?

  
- My father's car is on the radio?
- Gimme the keys

  
- Gimme the keys.
- The radio's broken in the house

  
- They don't listen to the radio.
- Joe, gimme the keys.

  
All right

  
We're gonna get the car painted Yeah,
we're gonna make it look brand new

  
Joe, gimme the keys

  
Joey, gimme the keys!

  
What the hell are you-
No I don't believe this

  
You said that I wasn't
gonna be involved with this

  
- Joey, there ain't
no paint shop around here
- Go and pull over

  
- Joey, where's the paint shop?
- Kill the engine

  
Joey, what are we doin'?

  
Please, kill the engine

  
I'm gonna make it up to you

  
Joey, this is
my father's car

  
I'll buy him ten new ones

  
- Open the door!
- No.!

  
- Kenny, get out of the car.
- I'm not gettin' out of the car

  
You wanna go tojail?
You wanna see your father go
tojail? Get out of the car.

  
- No!
- You're gonna suffocate in there

  
How am I gonna get a paramedic
out here during a football
game? Get out of the car

  
- No.
- You get out of the car,
you big dumb Polack!

  
- I'm not gettin'out.!
- Get out, Kenny.!

  
Kenny, I'm not playing with you. Get out
of the car right now.! It's not a game.!

  
He's locked in, huh? I'll show you
how to get him out of the car

  
- I'll show you.
- It's my problem.
I'm takin'care of it.

  
- He can't go nowheres I got the keys
- I got no time to breast-feed

  
this motherfucker

  
- Hey, come on, whoa
What-What are you gonna do?
- I'll give him a haircut

  
- That's about it
- It's my problem
I'm gonna take care of it

  
Take care of it
I'll give you five seconds

  
One Mississippi
two Mississippi

  
three Mississippi
four-

  
Go on
Take care of it

  
No,.Joe. Aaah.!

  
Joe.! Don't.! Aaah.!

  
Joe.! I'm gettin'out.

  
- Don't hit me Don't hit me
- Get out.!

  
Hey, Dino, you got any idea
when my money's gonna be ready?

  
Fuck You were in the room
What did he say?

  
- That's tomorrow night
- That's right. Now remember,
to get the five for six...

  
you need to change
the whole 
  
Say that again

  
To get the five for six,
you need to change the whole That's the deal you made

  
That's exactly not
the deal I made

  
- That's the deal-
- You tell me to my face
that that's the deal I made

  
- Say it right to my face,
"That's the deal you made"
- That's the deal you made

  
Joe, you lied to me You lied
to me about the car You lied
to me about douche bag there

  
I mean, what the fuck do you think
I do for a living, sell shoes?

  
Come on This is serious shit
These people are not to be fucked with

  
Now, I don't wanna see you
at Dempsey's or anywhere else

  
You're gonna go home, lock the door,
draw the curtains and stay home,Joe

  
And then tomorrow,
bring the other six,Joe

  
You got it?

  
It's all clear

  
- Is somebody there?
- Yeah, Ma

  
Joey What time is it?
What are you lookin' for?

  
- I was Just rustlin' through
some of Dad's stuff
- Come here.

  
Sit down

  
You know,Joe, your father,
he misses you very much

  
Look at you
You don't take care of yourself

  
I'm all right, Ma
Just a little worn out

  
- Mmm
- So, how do you know he misses me?

  
We communicate

  
You do?

  
We still talk
All the time

  
Has he said anything
about me lately?

  
He knows exactly
what's goin' on with you,Joey

  
He didn't tell you
how it was gonna turn out did he?

  
Do you think Dad would be
happier if we moved him out that

  
that scummy cemetery
out there under that freeway?

  
And we move him out in the country,
you know? Someplace nice

  
With some birds and some trees,
you know A river Somethin'

  
Joey

  
whatever you're gonna give
your father, you already

  
gave him while
he was still alive.

  
Do you need anything, Ma?

  
No, thanks, son

  
- I gotta go out.
- Mmm

  
- Boo! Got you!
- Jesus Christ!

  
- What are you doing in there?
How'd you get in there?
- I picked the lock

  
- Why'd you go in there?
What are you lookin' for?
- I was Just playing a trick

  
Get outta here

  
Don't do that sort of thing!
Stay outta my room!

  
- What's the matter? What did you do?
- I didn't do anything

  
Tell her to stay
outta my room.! All right?

  
- Get out, you hog
You been in there for an hour
- I'll be out in a minute.

  
- Come on, Kate Cut it out
I'm comin' out right now

  
Hurry up

  
- You gonna forgive me?
- No

  
- You sure?
- Stop it

  
All right, all right
Just quit bugging me

  
Geez!

  
Damn it!

  
- Whoa!
- My god!

  
Joey!Joey, what happened?
Are you hurt?

  
Joey

  
Joey, did you find
the Liberty Bell money?

  
- Mom, look It's a real
hundred dollar bill

  
Did you find that money,Joey?

  
What does it look like?

  
- You been lying to us?
- I did not lie

  
I Just didn't
tell the whole truth

  
So what are you all
lookin' at?

  
Here, Billy

  
Here That'll fix the ceiling

  
Billy, redo the entire house

  
And pay off
the mortgage

  
Here, let's buy Ma-
Ma, we'll buy you

  
a summer house
on theJersey shore

  
With your own
private fishing boat.

  
With your own
private dock

  
Katie.! Katie, Katie needs, uh...
braces, right?

  
And, uh, she wants,
uh, a new bike

  
And she wants
to go to college

  
I don't want to be rich
if I have to go to school!

  
Eleanor wants
a new wardrobe and a new TV

  
Go to Iowa and visit relatives
you never even knew that you had

  
Whoa
W- W-W-Wait a minute

  
We don't need no money
that don't belong to us

  
Let them talk!

  
- I'll take the bike and a few hundred
- No, you won't

  
- Get in your room right now
- She wants the bike!

  
Joey, if the old man
taught us anything

  
he taught us you don't
get somethin' for nothin', right?

  
No such thing
as a free lunch

  
Then what's that
in my hand, Billy?

  
Billy, the old man is dead.

  
Remember what it was like
when he was alive? Remember that?

  
Workin' 18 hour days, his hands all
busted up He couldn't even make a fist

  
Three, four glycerin tablets
at a time to keep his heart pumpin'?

  
- You remember that? Yeah?
- Yeah, I remember

  
And if you know what's good for you,
you Just leave the old man out of this

  
What good did it do him?
What good did it do him?

  
His son is drinkin'
in the same bar stool that he was

  
Joey, you're gonna
clean this mess up

  
and we're gonna go down there tomorrow
morning and give that money back

  
Give it back?
What are you, nuts?

  
What do you think I got
to look forward to in my life? What?

  
I measure my life
in unemployment checks, Billy

  
I'm 26 years old and I live in the same
room right down the hall from my mom!

  
What do I got to look forward to?
What about my family?

  
What about my future?
I got nothin'!

  
I can't even get my own goddamn
brother to give me work!

  
Shut up! Shut up!
I do my best for you!

  
- Yeah!
- The best I can!

  
- You son-of-a-bitch!
- Hey, hey! Break it up! Break it up!

  
- I'm keepin' the goddamn money!
- You're givin' it back!

  
- You are givin' it back! You hear me?
- Eleanor! Stop it!

  
- I ain't givin' shit back!
- You son-of-a-bitch!

  
Eleanor, take your husband to bed

  
- You're givin' it back!
- Shut up, Billy! Go to bed!

  
You're givin'that money back.!
I want you outta this house
if you keep that money.

  
Stop it!

  
JoeyJoey, everybody
needs money to live

  
but not
this kind of money

  
No, Ma It's found money
The answer to our prayers

  
Your father used to say to me,
"Be careful what you pray for

  
You might get it"

  
You gotta give
this money back,Joey

  
I ain't givin' it back

  
I'll say a prayer
for you,Joe

  
And that's when I seen
these guys push the car in the river

  
How many?
Two, three, four?

  
Two, three, could have been more
But it was definitely couple of few

  
What did
they look like?

  
Bent noses Mobsters Guys that
look like they're up to no good

  
- Then what happened?
- Then they left in a fancy Caddy

  
That's the wrong car

  
What? Oh, oh, oh!

  
What do you- What do you- Excuse me!
What do you mean "wrong car"?

  
That's a Dodge
We only pay for Chevelles

  
What are you talkin' about?
Where's my cash?

  
- What?
- My cash. My money. My reward.

  
Take it up with Hrbek
Liberty Bell

  
You know, I took off
from work to be here

  
That's what I get
for gettin' involved with cops?

  
- Hey, frogman!
- Yo.

  
Right here

  
- Monica!
- Oh, god

  
Discount from book on an IPO
with great cash flow

  
Sully and Sons wants to lay off
half a million shares

  
- Monica, are you listening to me?
- I-IPO Great cash flow

  
- Right Check and see if Sully
settled on that last trade
- Yeah

  
Joe, if you're not here on business,
I don't have time for this

  
Miss Russo, I'd like to invest
$600,000 'til later tonight

  
Now, any interest you might
make on that investment...

  
is yours to keep

  
Joe, it's taken me three years
to go from receptionist to new accounts

  
Get my own desk

  
It's all clear now
So in three more years

  
you're gonna get a new desk
that's gonna be five feet away

  
And if you really
kiss ass

  
you're gonna get
your very own key to the toilet

  
Listen,Joe, I don't kiss ass
I busted my ass to get where I am

  
So don't be disrespectful

  
Buy two first class tickets

  
I don't care where Anywhere
As long as it's out of the country

  
What do you expect me to do?
Risk my life for you?

  
W- Where do you get off coming in
here to my place of work?

  
You're crazy

  
Meet me at Dempsey's Bar
at 11:00 Don't be late

  
What if I don't show?

  
Well, you'll be
that much richer

  
I love you, baby

  
Monica, yes or no I'm still
waitin' to hear on that
Did Sully settle on that trade?

  
- Maybe, maybe not
- This kind of opportunity
doesn't happen every day

  
Busted windshield

  
It's anybody's guess
if it's a Chevelle

  
You want me
to bring it up?

  
No, let's come back tomorrow
Yeah, bring it up

  
- How're doin',Joe?
- Hi

  
Hi,Joe How you doin'?

  
You guys got my half mil
broken down as agreed?

  
Well, to get five for six,
you gotta

  
you gotta show me
the second six first

  
You're changin'
the deal on me

  
- No, we're not
- Joe, let him see it

  
Let him see it.

  
What the fuck
is this shit?

  
JoeJoeJoe

  
I want my money
All I want is my money

  
Just give me my money
It's my money

  
We're doin' you a favor What the hell
are you doin'? Put that down

  
- It's my money
- All right Bring him his money

  
Dino, bring him his money
Every penny

  
You know, the only
real question with money is...

  
do you posses it
or does it posses you?

  
Shut up And I don't wanna hear about
Ben Franklin havin' sex in a tree house

  
I think that,
uh, the ink

  
from the bills

  
is seeping
into your bloodstream,Joe

  
And it's, it's...
affecting your equilibrium.

  
- Got your money,Joe
- Put it on the ground

  
Against the wall Get against the wall
Put your hands against the wall

  
Lie down

  
Put your legs
up in the air

  
Nickels?

  
Nickels?

  
Quarters?
You gave me quarters?

  
Well, the deal was

  
to break down
the money,Joe

  
You did not specify
what denominations

  
You evil son-of-a-bitch

  
You give me my money or I'm gonna shoot
you You're gamblin' with your life

  
- Joe, don't be a punk, huh?
- Legs up!

  
They're up

  
You're not gonna shoot me

  
- How do you know?
- Because if you shoot me...

  
you got nothing,
nothing

  
You got 600,000 bucks
squirreled away somewhere,.Joe.

  
Go home

  
Put the gun down,.Joe.
You'll be able to carry more money.

  
- Philadelphia
police.! Open the door.!

  
I was wonderin'
when you were gonna get here

  
- Don't Don't
- You didn't do nothin'!
What did you do to my car?

  
- That's enough Leave him alone
- Get outta here!

  
- What did you do to my car?
- It wasn't me! It was Joey!

  
- Joey, who?
- Answer his question

  
- Answer it.!
- Joey Coyle! It was Joey Coyle, Dad!

  
- It was Joey Coyle!
- Joey Coyle did it, huh?

  
- Get in the house!
- He made me do it
Don't hurt me, Dad, please

  
- I'm sorry, Dad! I'm sorry!
- Go be sorry in the house!

  
- I'm sorry.!
- Get in the house.!
Yeah,you'll be sorry.

  
Joey Coyle
found the money Hey!

  
Joey Coyle found the money! Yo!

  
Yo.!.Joey.!

  
Monica show up?

  
She don't come around
much anymore

  
We guarantee
every day good rates, interest-

  
- What time is it?

  
Well I see All right

  
Where you goin'? Come on, sit down.
Have an eye-opener.

  
Why not? Sure

  
See if my brother
wants a drink

  
What are you gonna do,
make phone calls here?

  
Your brother
wants to buy you a drink

  
- What time did you say it was again?
- Now?

  
- Yeah
- Now it's 11:32.

  
There are developments tonight in the
case of the missing armored car money

  
Authorities are saying they're
a step closer to recovering...

  
$ 1.2 million that
fell out of the armored truck...

  
a few days ago
near the Port of Philadelphia.

  
- Now here's Lois Bowden
with the latest details.
- Standing next to me...

  
is Steve Hrbek
of Liberty Bell Courier.

  
Steve, what can you tell us?

  
I'd like to take this moment to
officially increase the reward
from $20,000 to $50,
  
for any information leading to
the capture and conviction
of.Joseph.John Coyle.

  
Again, the new reward
tonight is $50,000.

  
- Yeah, that's right $50,- Thank you, Mr Hrbek

  
Right now, police aren't saying much
about this man,.Joey Coyle...

  
who they believe
found the money.

  
But they have released a police sketch
of what he looks like.

  
They're describing him
as a white male...

  
age 26, about six feet tall
and weighing 190 pounds.

  
Dark hair and a tattoo
on his right bicep.

  
If you have any information
on the whereabouts of this man...

  
you are asked
to contact police.

  
- Now back to you, Don
- Thank you, Lois

  
The police hot line number
to call if you have any information...

  
is 555-6023.

  
In other news tonight,
a massive relief effort is

  
underway to help the victims
of new flooding in Bangladesh.

  
- Nearly 10,000-
- Come on, everybody Belly up

  
I'm buying

  
Where is he goin'?

  
I'm Ned Cochran.
C- o...

  
You can't do this You can't
sell him out for money

  
- c-h-r-a-
- Gimme the phone Gimme the phone, man

  
- You can't do this
- $50,
  
- buys us each our own row house
- No! No!

  
Where's your loyalty,
Ned?

  
Say it is so,Joey

  
You are the greatest
in the worid!

  
Don't worry about it,Joe
We'll keep you out of Jail

  
You need a place to hide,
you come stay with me anytime, huh?

  
Unless you wanna
come home with me,Joey

  
Here's toJoey Coyle

  
South Philly's favorite son

  
Hey,.Joey, how 'bout a little?
My wife's pregnant.

  
All right, guys, get outta here.

  
What time do you open-

  
Aaah!

  
Joey? Joey, are you hit?

  
Get up Are you all right?

  
- Are you all right? Answer me!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!

  
- Hey, hey, he's down
Forget it He's down

  
Goddammit,Joey,
goddammit!

  
All right, go,
you gotta go Go!

  
Thanks

  
Go I'll take care
of this Be smart,Joey!

  
That's him. Stop.!

  
Here Keep the change

  
- Joe!
- You are late

  
I'm sorry I'm so glad
you're still here Where's the car?

  
- There
- You don't know what I had to
go through to get the tickets

  
- Yeah, blah, blah Where's the money?
- You see, I got the money

  
- We're going to Nassau
first thing tomorrow morning
- But where is the money?

  
- It's in the suitcase
- I can't go to Long Island
I gotta get out of the country

  
Nassau's in the Bahamas
It is out of the country

  
- It's got friendly banks too
We need passports to get in
- Friendly banks?

  
I had to bribe my cousin
Frankie to give me his

  
- I need coffee
- Look, give me the keys
and I'll get you coffee

  
- You need rest, baby
- I don't need rest I need coffee

  
Whatever you say
Let's get out of here Come on

  
I haven't slept
in four days

  
I need coffee

  
- I'll buy you a double espresso
- I don't need a double espresso,
I need coffee

  
The preferred weapon
in South Philadelphia

  
- Who's firin' off guns in the bathroom?
- All I remember was a

  
wham wham, wham

  
That's about it

  
- And then somebody
smacked you in the head
- Yeah

  
- Who was it?
- How the hell would I know?

  
This kid Kozlowski, he says
you know somethin' about it

  
I don't know no K-Kowalski,
Kozlowski I don't know no one

  
He knows you And he said you pushed
his car in the river What about it?

  
Ow

  
You know, I could nail you
right now for car theft

  
You got nothin'

  
Me, Dino Palladino,
says to you, you got nothin'

  
Lindey,
pour me a drink

  
Gimme a C.C.

  
Palladino Palladino

  
- Is that with one "L" or two?
- Two L's

  
Your parent's used to have a grocery
store on South Street, didn't they?

  
My old man used to sell
wholesale to that store.

  
- You know me now?
- Laurenzi?

  
Yeah

  
Yeah, he had the best ravioli
in the city The very best, man

  
- He sure did
- That's funny

  
- Drink up
- Hmm

  
Look, Laurenzi
I didn't need this aggravation

  
The putz came to me
I swear on my mum

  
Can we do a dance here?

  
As long as I get
all the money back

  
there's no reason for me to bother you
or any of your friends

  
- No names
- That's right No names

  
- You Laurenzi?
- Yeah

  
You got a photo ID?

  
I got somethin' for ya

  
- Where is the coffee?
- Come on, put your head up

  
- Come on,Joe What's your name?
- The fat man

  
- What's your name?
- Francis Santos

  
- That's not your name
- Francis Joseph Santos

  
- Date of birth?
- Uh, 5I9I
  
- What's my cousin's date of birth?
- 9I5I
  
- Occupation?
- I'm a money smuggler

  
- Come on,Joe! Occupation!
- Ow! I'm guy goin' on vacation!

  
Look,Joe, come on
Get it right, all right?

  
I don't wanna get caught
We got one shot here

  
Where you goin'?
You're not counting, are you?

  
Monica, do not touch that money
with your hands

  
until we get
the coffee I ordered

  
Joe,Just shut up, all right?
I gotta concentrate

  
We got plans to make
I gotta make the plans

  
Monica?
Don't count it again

  
Don't do it Don't count it again
Monica, Monica, Monica

  
Five, eight, three, four,
nine, three

  
six, eight, two,you know
what I'm sayin', I've been there.

  
Joe, please You're makin' me lose my
count, all right? Just order the coffee

  
Hello, room service?

  
What do you suppose it's going to take
to get the coffee that I ordered?

  
You know what I'm saying?
Because, uh, we have to catch a plane

  
and I can't go to sleep.

  
What do I want
with my coffee?

  
Uh, a slice of hope
Okay?

  
- Just bring the coffee
- Joe.

  
You Just told 'em we're gettin'
on a plane That was stupid

  
We're in an airport hotel All right?
Everybody here is getting on a plane

  
If I didn't tell them I was
getting on a plane

  
they're gonna call cops and we're
gonna have a cage in the lobby

  
You know what I'm saying?
So Just let me handle it

  
Now Just,Just let me rest

  
Joe Come on

  
- We gotta rinse this stuff
- In the morning

  
- Come on, you gotta get up
- Huh-uh

  
Joe, come on

  
- Is your scalp burning yet?
- No. No, it feels natural.

  
I don't want you to go bald
Come on, stay up

  
Come on, get up Keep me up

  
Come on, get up
Come on

  
Get up

  
Come on

  
Get up Up Now

  
Come on,Joe

  
Where's my money?

  
It's over there in the fridge
You mind puttin' that shade back down?

  
Money in the fridge
In the fridge Here's money

  
Feels light, though
This is all of my money?

  
In a plastic Hefty bag.

  
The serial numbers
are sequential

  
This isn't the money
that fell off my truck!

  
You get money from the Mob,
it's money that needs to be laundered

  
Nobody ever said "wise guys"
were dumb, Hrbek

  
You can't allow them
to get away with this

  
What do you suggest we do,
give it back? Go ahead Take it back

  
It's f- $440,000-
$440,000?

  
I had $ 1.2 million.
Where's the rest of my money?

  
You know something, Hrbek?
You're a real Jerk

  
Laurenzi here

  
Yeah, I'll be right there

  
What's up?

  
What, what?
Who was that?

  
Where you goin'?
Laurenzi!

  
Laurenzi,
where you goin'?

  
See Ben Franklin discover electricity
at the Colonial Wax Museum

  
See Ben Franklin discover electricity
at the Colonial Wax Museum

  
Uh, see Ben Franklin discover electricity
at the Colonial Wax Museum

  
See Ben Franklin discover electricity
at the Colonial-

  
Don't do this
Don't do it, all right?

  
You don't belong here, do you?
That's all I'm saying

  
That's all I'm saying, okay?
Don't, don't do it

  
It's not fair, all right?
Get out of here Really

  
- Joe, he's Just a guy in a costume
- It's not fair

  
This is Palladino's car
They gotta be in there

  
We got five international flights
departing in the next hour

  
We gotta move
USAir to Nassau

  
Yucatan Air to Cancun
Air Luxembourg to Brussels

  
USAir to Toronto
And Air Roma to Frankfurt

  
Thanks, Miss Russo
May I see your passport, Mr Santos?

  
- Date of birth, please?
- 9I5I
  
It's our custom in the Bahamas
to put the day ahead of the month

  
In the US, it's done
the other way around

  
- What month were you born?
- Ninth month

  
- Joe, tell him your birthday
- Excuse me Who's Joe?

  
Me I-I'm Francis Joseph Santos
and she calls meJoe

  
so I don't get her confused
with her brother Frankie

  
- What month were you born?
- I was born in the ninth month

  
of September on the fifth day
of the year of our Lord, 
  
Okay Would you put your luggage
on the scale, please?

  
- It's a carryon
- That's too big to take on board

  
I'm gonna- I'm-I'm gonna
go to the gift shop

  
Mr. Dan Logan.
Your party is waiting for you-

  
Miss Russo
Don't forget your tickets

  
Thank you

  
Carmine, you take Roma

  
Vicki, Lux Air's down there
I'm gonna be at Yucatan

  
- Along with these candy items,
could I get these hose, please?

  
Out of $
  
And, uh,
these ten papers, please

  
Okay, that's $
  
Thank you very much

  
Please do not leave...

  
- personal belongings unattended.
- Would you like your receipt?

  
Unclaimed luggage
will be removed by security.

  
Philadelphia police

  
Suspect not on Yucatan

  
Still boarding Air Luxembourg, over.

  
Air Roma's delayed.
Engine trouble. Over.

  
I'm goin' over
to USAir right now

  
- Where's the suitcase?
- In just a moment...

  
we will begin boarding
USAir Flight 1727...

  
service to Nassau, Bahamas.

  
At this time, we would like to board
families traveling with small children.

  
Please step back

  
Do you got any keys,
jewelry, a watch maybe?

  
It must be my earrings
This happens all the time Okay

  
- Can I give this to you?
- I'm not sure.
Why don't I let-

  
- Thanks
- There you go Now you

  
Yeah,yeah, I have it.

  
Take off the belt

  
The plane is leaving soon
You don't have to take that
out of your pants right now

  
Let me tell you somethin'
One size does not fit all

  
What are you talking about? I wear
them all the timeJust deal with it

  
I understand that you wear them
and what I'm dealing with

  
- You understand what I'm saying?
- Joe, please Come on

  
- Yo, yo, yo! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Philadelphia police

  
We are now ready
to begin boarding USAir Flight 1727...

  
service to Nassau, Bahamas.

  
- Joe
- USAir first class and
Priority Gold members-

  
- Can we go now? Is it
all right to get on the plane
- Yeah

  
...passengers with seat assignments
in rows 15 through 30...

  
you may now board
through gate B-8.

  
Here we go

  
Ladies and gentlemen.

  
This is the final boarding call
for USAir Flight 74...

  
service to Toronto, Canada.

  
All passengers
should be on board at this time.

  
- Take the money
- Why?

  
- They're lookin' for me, ain't they?
- Okay

  
Ticket

  
Okay.
You're confirmed in 6-A.

  
Thanks

  
And 6-B, sir

  
Everybody freeze
Joseph John Coyle

  
Turn around
You're under arrest

  
I'm Frankie Santos

  
I'm a guy who's goin' on vacation

  
- Joey!
- Coyle! It's all over, babe Don't move

  
Drop the bag, honey
Put the bag down right now

  
Drop the bag.!
Right now.!

  
Free money!
Run,Joey!

  
Run.!
Joey, run.! Go.!

  
I can't believe
you Just did that

  
Run,Joey!

  
Where?

  
Walk this way, Coyle.

  
- How you feelin',Joe?
- Feel pretty good
A little tired, really

  
Out of the way here, please

  
Get airport security down
here to clean all this up

  
Yeah, airport security? Close off
USAir concourse The entire concourse

  
- .Joey.!
They act like they all know you

  
Yeah, it's
a real freak show, huh?

  
Joey, would you do anything
differently next time?

  
Yeah, I think I'd go red instead
of yellow and definitely do the eyebrows

  
.Joey, what advice would you give
to somebody who found that much money?

  
Eat a good breakfast
It's gonna be a long day

  
Hey, lady Were you with him
when he found the money?

  
Hey,Joe I hope
I still have a Job

  
Mr Coyle, if you found the money again,
would you still keep it?

  
Uh I don't know, you know?
What do you think? Maybe I'd get lucky

  
Come on,Joey, people want to know
Would you really do the same thing again?

  
I think I definitely would

  
And next time I find a million bucks,
I'm gonna know what to do with it

  
- Free.Joey Coyle.!
- Yeah, free.Joey Coyle.!

  
Free Joey Coyle! FreeJoey Coyle!

  
-  That's life 
-  That's life 

  
 That's what all the people say 

  
 You're ridin'high in April 

  
 Shot down in May 

  
 But I know I'm gonna
change that tune, oh yeah 

  
 When I'm back on top
Back on top in.June 

  
-  I said, oh That's life 
-  That's life 

  
 And as funny as it seems 

  
 Some people get their kicks 

  
 Stompin'on a dream 

  
 But I don't let it
I don't let it get me down 

  
 'Cause this fine old worid 

  
 It keeps spinnin'around 

  
 I been a puppet, a pauper,
a pirate, a poet 

  
 A pawn and a king 

  
 I been up and down
and over and out 

  
 I know one thing 

  
 Each time I find myself 

  
 Flat on my face 

  
 I pick myself up
and get back in the race 

  
-  That's life 
-  That's life 

  
 I tell you
that I can't deny it 

  
 I thought
I'd say it later on 

  
 But my heart
ain't gonna buy it 

  
 And if I didn't think
it was worth one single try 

  
 I'd hop right on a big bird 

  
-  And then I'd fly 
-  That's life 

  
 That's life
That's life 

  
 You know I can't buy it, no 

  
 I been a puppet, a pauper,
a pirate, a poet 

  
dApawn and a king d

  
 I been up and down
and over and out 

  
 I know one thing 

  
 Each time I find myself 

  
 Flat on my face 

  
dI just pick myself up d

  
 Yes, I pick myself up 

  
 Don't you know
I pick myself up 

  
 And get back in the race 

  
-  That's life That's life 
-  That's life 

  
 And I can't deny it 

  
 Many times
I've thought of cuttin'out 

  
 But my heart just
ain't gonna buy it 

  
-  But if there's nothing
shaking come this July
-  Come this July 

  
 I'm gonna roll myself up 

  
Roll it up
Roll yourself up now 

  
I say I'm gonna
roll myself up 

  
I'm gonna roll myself up 

  
 In a big ball 

  
 And die, oh 

  
 I tell ya that's life 

  
 And if ya win ya gotta play 


Special thanks to SergeiK.