Muppet Treasure Island
Script - Dialogue Transcript
Voila! Finally, the Muppet Treasure Island
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Jim Henson movie. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Muppet Treasure Island. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
I was Flint's first mate
that voyage...
three days east of Tortola
in the Caribie.
Flint knew an island.
That's where we buried
the treasure.
Gold and blood,
they were Flint's trademarks.
He'd leave both
behind him that day.
Shiver my timbersShiver my soulYo ho, heave hoThere are men whose heartsare as black as coalYo ho, heave hoAnd they sailed their ship'cross the ocean blueA bloodthirsty captainand a cutthroat crewIt's as dark a taleas was ever toldOf the lust for treasureand the love of goldShiver my timbersShiver my sidesYo ho, heave hoThere are hungers as strongas the winds and tidesYo ho, heave hoAnd those buccaneersdrown their sins in rumThe devil himself wouldhave to call them scumEvery man aboard would havekilled his mateFor a bag of guineasor a piece of eightA piece of eight-A piece of eight-A five, six, seven, eightHulla wacka, ulla wackaSomething not rightMany wicked icky thingsgonna happen tonightHulla wacka, moolah wackaSailor man bewareWhen de money in de groundDere's murder in de airMurder in the air
One more time now.
Shiver my timbersShiver my bonesYo ho, heave hoThere are secrets that sleepwith old Davy JonesYo ho, heave hoWhen the mainsail's setand the anchor's weighedThere's no turning backfrom any course that's laidAnd when greed and villainysail the seaYou can bet your bootsthere'll be treacheryShiver my timbersShiver my sailsDead men tell no tales
Oh, aye. Fifteen men
went ashore that day...
and only Flint, his own self,
returned.
Oh, aye, and then old Flinty...
up and died afore they could get
back to that cursed island...
and dig up the treasure.
No one knows to this day
who has old Flint's map.
Now, isn't that a story
worth the hearing?
It was the first dozen
times we heard it.
I'll drink to that.
But who has
the map now, huh?
Some black-hearted,
squid-suckin' buccaneer?
Or maybe it's
our very own Jim Hawkins.
Eh,Jimmy?
If I had it, my friends and I wouldn't
be here serving you rum, Mr Bones.
That's right. We'd be out
searching for that treasure...
sailing the seven seas
on a five-year mission...
boldly going where no man
has gone before.
- Say, that's catchy.
- Huh. Not me.
If I had that treasure map,
I'd be tradin' it for a decent meal.
Hey, Gonzo, you think
he's gonna eat this?
Aye! Beware the one-legged man!
He's the one to fear!
Don't worry, Captain.
We'll watch for him.
Yeah, I'll watch for him,
if he's deliverin' a pizza.
Even old Flinty
feared him.
If he comes pokin' 'round here,
you run for me whippety-quick!
- If we see him, we'll tell you.
- Yeah. One leg, three heads...
couple of dozen noses--
if anything weird happens--
And it'll be nay
jokin' matter, hose nose.
The one-legged man
brings death.
Time, gentlemen!
It's closing time!
Ya pays your bills,
and then ya shove off.
Go on. Out ya go!
Oh, you're drunk again,
are ya?
Boys, look at the state
of this place!
How comes it gets to be
such a pigsty, huh?
Pigsty? Hey!
No offence meant, gentlemen, sirs.
No offence meant.
- Here's to you, boys!
- Time!
- I'm away to my room.
- Thank you, Mr Bones.
- Thank you, Bill.
- There you go!
Don't forget to come back tomorrow
for our lunchtime special:
- roast suckling--
- Huh?
- Potatoes, sir. Potatoes.
- All right.
No-- No offence, madam.
No offence.
All right, boys.
When you're finished here,
you can go and clean up in the kitchen.
I left some table scraps
in there for your supper.
Oh, yes, and, boys...
last night you forgot
to put out the lantern!
If you forget that again,
there'll be no table scraps for a week!
You're standing on my ear.
Easy. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Easy, Rizzo!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That's it. Steady.
- I hate my life.
- I hate your life too.
- If I had a life, I'd hate it.
- I should just run off to sea
like my father did.
He was my age when he sailed
to China as a cabin boy
and he wound up a first mate.
Run off to sea
and just leave everybody?
Who's everybody?
I'm an orphan. I've got no family.
- Hey, you got us!
- Yeah, we're family. Got it.
I mean, some family we are. Be serious,
Rizzo. We don't exactly look alike.
Okay, all right. So I'm a rat and you're
a human being and Gonzo's a, uh--
- Whatever.
- Yeah. We're still family.
- Yeah.
- But I wish my life were more like...
one of Captain Bones'
adventures...
sailing the high seas and
searching for buried treasure.
Yeah, discovering lost islands
and weird civilizations.
Navigating with my father's old compass
to wherever the wind may take us.
- Off to Zanzibar
to meet the Zanzibarbarians.
- Here they go again.
To the southwest,
pirate galleons!
To the southeast, multi-armed
Zanzibanian shark women...
and their exploding wigs
of death!
To the northwest,
dirty dishes!
How does she do that?
- Might as well start. I'll wash.
- Oh, yeah. I'll dry.
I'll break.
I look around hereand I want to cry
Me too. Yeah.
I feel like the worldis passing me by
It is.
And I just can'thelp but wonderAm I doomed to wash and dryAnd is it a curse I'm underto do it till I die
- Oh, I hope not.
- Yeah.
- When I could be an explorer
- Sure ya could.
- Sailing off to distant lands
- Not so fast.
Instead of spendingevery afternoonJust getting dishpan handsMy future looks like nowherethat I want to beThere's gotta besomething betterSomething betterThere's gotta be somethingbetter than this for me
Well, now you're talkin'.
If it's weird and wildlet's go and find itThe crazier, the betteris what I say
Yeah, that's true.
To tell the truthI really wouldn't mind it
Mind what?
If we found someplacewith ten square meals a dayLet danger call my nameIf it doesI'm gonna hideI'll put my courageto the testAnd I'll beby your sideHe'll be by your sideThere's gotta besomething better than this- Something more than this- I know that there's so much out there- To see- To seeAnd I knowthis life I'm livingCan't be my destinyThere's gotta besomething betterSomething betterThere's gotta be somethingbetter than this for me
- And me!
- Wait a minute. What about me?
There's something betterthan this for you andMe
Enough of this singin'!
Rum! I need rum, lads!
I got the horrors!
Give me rum!
Rum till I float!
All right! All right!
Just one small one.
Don't be giving him
any more rum!
How does she blooming do that?
Shh! Shh!
Billy Bones!
It's me, Blind Pew.
I know you're here, Billy.
Ya snivelling coward!
It's some kind
of a blind fiend.
I believe they prefer
''visually challenged fiend.''
Ah, I heard that!
There's someone here!
Uh, no. Over here!
Hmm, over here.
Billy Bones! Ah,
I'd know that scurvy mug...
of yours anywhere.
Excuse me, sir,
but the bar is closed.
Aha. A pretty
little girl, is it?
Yes. Take me
to Billy Bones, my pet.
Y-You've come
to the wrong place.
Th-There's no Billy Bones here,
and I'm not a girl.
Oh, I may be visually challenged,
but I can see you're lying.
Huh?
Good evening, Bill.
I know it's you.
Yes. You thought you could
get away with it, didn't you?
Just take it all
for yourself...
and leave your shipmates
with nothing.
We're not pleased with that,
Bill. Not at all.
We want you to have this!
Watch where you're going,
you stupid cat!
The Black Spot!
But I don't understand.
What is the Black Spot?
The Black Spot's
a pirate's death sentence!
- Fabulous.
- They'll be comin' to kill me tonight!
- We'd better help.
- Yeah, yeah, let's get some stuff.
- It's my sea chest them lubbers want.
- Underwear.
But I'll trick them! I'll shake out
another reef and daddle 'em again!
You wanna run that by us again
in English, Mr Bones?
It's mine! I'm goin'
for that treasure myself!
And no one-legged
son of a bilge rat will--
Captain Bones!
He died? And this is supposed
to be a kids' movie.
Jimmy.Jim.
Jimmy,Jim,Jim,Jim,Jim.
You always been a decent sort
to old Billy Bones.
But I'm not Jimmy,Jim,Jimmy,
Jim,Jim,Jim,Jim.
He's Jimmy,Jim,Jimmy,
Jim,Jim,Jim,Jim.
-Jim!
- Yes, Captain.
Jim,Jimmy,Jimmy,Jim,
Jim,Jim,Jim.
- Yes, Captain. What is it?
- Take the map!
- What map?
- The map to old Flint's treasure!
Don't ya understand
what I been tellin' ya?
I was Flinty's first mate!
We all were! Blind Pew and me!
Me own shipmates,
they'll gully me for sure!
And anybody else to get
their mitts on that map!
A-And gullying hurts, right?
Oh, aye! A lot!
- So quick.
- Go to my sea chest! Get the map!
Oh, yeah.
- Oh, there. There.
- Oh, I think I've-- Oh, no.
- Hey, guys, look!
- Rizzo!
Oh, here!
How about this?
Let's see.
Hey, Rizzo, look.
- It is a treasure map.
- We're gonna be rich.
- We're gonna be dead.
- Beware, lads!
Beware!
- What? The one-legged man?
- Aye! But also...
beware runnin' with scissors
or any other pointy objects.
It's all good fun till
somebody loses an--
Captain?
We're standing in a room
with a dead guy!
Jim!
Oh, Billy Bones!
Trick or treat!
Don't try to hide, Billy!
You know what we want!
Where are ya, Billy Bones?
Where are ya, Billy?
Mrs Bluveridge!
There's no use in hiding!
Can't a woman get her
beauty sleep any more?
Jim, what you doing?
Aha! Aha!
Oh! Voila!
- Okay, okay. I found the gun.
- Oh, now we gotta load it.
- Okay.
- Oops.
Okay, where does Mrs Bluveridge
keep the bullets?
Billy's dead, and he hasn't
got the blooming map!
- Those little girls must have it.
- Yeah!
- Get them!
- Yeah!
- Gonzo! Gonzo!
- What? What?
I found the bullets. See?
Here they are. They--
Oops.
Open up in there!
We wants the map...
and we'll skewer anybody
who gets in the way!
Quick,Jim! The back stairs!
Come on.
Run! Run!
Get out of my inn,
you tattooed miseries!
Can't a woman
get a night's sleep alone?
You come here, you!
This gun is useless!
- You lost all the bullets!
- Well, you're losin' the powder.
The map!
Tell us where it is or die!
- Get them!
- Run! Run, run, run!
Hurry! Hurry!
Hurry!
Outta the way! Outta the way!
Get outta the way!
Stop!
Oh, Woof.
Geronimo!
Guys!
Wow! What an exit!
- Right through a brick wall!
- I am in such pain.
Come on!
I think I smell
something burning, no?
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna do?
We can't go home, so--
Oh, no. Uh-uh. No way. You're not
taking me on some crazy treasure hunt.
- I am staying right here!
- Oh, good idea, Rizzo.
Then you can see what half-burned,
vicious pirates look like.
What are we waitin' for?
Gimme that map. Come on. Let's go.
Wait a minute.
What about Mrs Bluveridge?
I'll be fine, boys!
Run for it!
How does she do that?
Who's gonna clean
all this up?
Two for a penny, sir?
- I don't want a baked potato.
- Lovely hot baked potatoes.
- Oh, let's see.
- What a night.
- There it is!
- Huh? Oh.
- Oh.
''Trelawny & Son
Master Ship Builders''
Whoa, whoa!
Reality check here, guys!
Do we actually believe some
bozo's gonna give us a ship...
just because we show him
Captain Bones' map?
- It's worth a try, Rizzo.
- I don't know.
May I help you?
Yes. Thank you. We wish to speak
with Squire Trelawney, the shipbuilder.
- We need a ship.
- Ah, I'm sorry.
The squire's in Long Neddry
for the grouse season.
He will return
on the feast of St Lulu.
- Thank you.
- That's that.
- Oh, well.
Of course, his rich...
half-wit son
young Squire Trelawney's here.
We'll see him, then.
Well, gentlemen...
this is definitely a genuine,
bona fide treasure map.
Really!
Yes. Mr Bimbo told me so.
Oh, Mr Bimbo lives in my finger.
He's very smart. He's been to the moon.
Thank you. Twice.
- I smell a bozo.
- Mm-hmm.
Well done, Beakie.
Now we know that is definitely
too much gunpowder.
Beaker, stop fooling around.
We've got company.
Oh, hello, chappies. Everyone, this is
Dr Livesey and his assistant, Beaker.
They do research
and development for my papa.
Hello.
Actually, Squire, we were
hoping to meet your father.
- We need a ship for an ocean voyage.
- Ocean? Ocean.
- Ocean?
- You know, the ocean?
The big, blue, wet thing?
Oh! Th-The big,
blue, wet thing! Yes!
Say, I know
what's happening here.
You chaps are planning
to sail to this island, aren't you?
- To dig up this treasure.
- Yes, but we must be quiet about it.
- There are pirates
looking for this map.
- Yeah, and they wanna kill us for it.
Isn't that exciting?
Pirates, eh?
Well, that settles it.
We'll use one
of my daddy's boats...
and I will personally finance
the voyage for the treasure myself.
- You'll do that? Really?
- What are rich, half-wit sons for?
Well, here's the dock.
Jim, where's our boat?
We're on a dock?
No wonder I'm seasick.
- Ahoy!
- Ah, morning, Squire.
Welcome. Welcome.
Ah, there she is:
the Hispaniola.
Wow!
- Come on. Let's go!
- Yeah, let's go.
- ''Take a cruise,'' you said.
- Huh?
- ''See the world,'' you said.
- Huh?
Now here we are stuck
on the front of this stupid ship.
Well, it could be worse.
We could be stuck in the audience.
Well, Mr Bimbo...
the ship is provisioned,
the crew is in place...
and the captain should be
on board within the hour.
You have been
a busy little man.
- Oh, look, there goes Jim.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
Ooh! Ooh, look!
It's the boat
steering thing.
This is called the helm.
Hey, how does it feel,
Captain Hawkins?
Feels like
we're really doing it.
It feels like we're finally
having an adventure!
Yeah. I'm starvin'.
Where's the kitchen?
Heigh ho and up she rises
- Something smells good.
- Heigh ho and up she rises
- Cool.
- Heigh ho and up she risesEarly in the morningPut him in the longboatuntil he's soberPut him in the longboattill he's soberPut him in the longboattill he's soberEarly in the morning
What have we here?
Stowaways!
I'm afraid we shish-kebab
and barbecue stowaways on this ship.
Wait. I know.
You must be the cabin boys.
- Yeah.
- Hungry, lads?
Well, in my galley, you're always
welcome to help yourselves!
Yes! Thank you!
Oh, yes!
Well, he's got a healthy appetite.
How about you, funny face?
- Huh?
- Here.
Hey. Thank you.
My name is Gonzo,
and the guy in your chicken is Rizzo.
- And you must be Master Hawkins.
- Yes, sir.
Oh, you needn't be callin'
a lowly ship's cook ''sir.''
Long John Silver,
at your humble service.
We're just cabin boys,
Mr Silver.
Long John to his friends.
And believe me, lad...
a friend you can trust
is worth his weight in gold.
There's many a dark-hearted
scoundrel in these ports.
Well, what do you mean?
Pirates?
- Shh!
- Pirates! That's rich!
Pirates? What an imagination.
Give me a cracker.
Allow me to introduce
my pet lobster Polly.
Pieces of eight!
Pieces of eight!
Raised him
from a fingerling, I did.
As fine a crustacean
as a man could ask for.
B-But I thought sailors
had talking parrots as pets.
Talking parrots?
What an imagination.
First pirates, now talking parrots?
What's next? A singing, dancing mouse
with his own amusement park?
That's enough now, Polly.
Go on! Shoo!
Right, me hearties. I'm gonna give you
a cook's tour of this fine ship.
If you're gonna be the cook
on this ship, Mr Silver...
I am definitely gonna need
bigger pants.
What's the matter, lads?
Oh, that?
Lost that timber-fighting brigands
off Madagascar under Admiral Hawke.
There's many a man lost a leg and worse
in the service of the king.
Why, look what a cannibal
took off me...
in exchange for me own life.
Oh, you're a fine pair, lads.
That you are.
Bright as buttons,
the lot of ye.
- All hands on deck!
- Come on, then, lads.
Chop-chop! Look lively now.
The captain will be here soon.
Chop-chop.
- Who's that?
- That is Mr Arrow, the first mate,
a capital fellow.
The captain approaches.
Move aside! Make way!
Make ready for the captain!
Lollygaggers will suffer
his wrath!
Wrath? I-Is this captain
bad-tempered?
Is he bad-tempered?
The man is a raging volcano...
tormented by inner demons the likes
of which mere mortals cannot fathom.
He's got demons? Cool!
Maniac!
Heigh-ho, everyone.
- What-- That--
- That's the raging volcano?
- He's a frog.
- Maybe he gets hopping mad.
Hopping mad.
Piping aboard
Captain Abraham Smollett.
Good day, Mr Arrow.
I knew it.
He's furious.
- Ah, you there!
- Me?
You were in charge of railing dust.
Thirty lashes, and then
you walk the plank.
- I didn't say that, Mr Arrow.
- I was anticipating your whim, sir.
Oh. You must be
the cabin boys.
- Yes, sir!
- Which one of you is Hawkins?
I am, sir.
I knew your father,Jim.
He was a good man.
Thank you, sir.
Well, this is shapin' up
to be a fine voyage, lads.
Oh, yes, indeed.
One leg,Jim.
Count 'em. One.
- Remember what Billy Bones said.
- Oh, Gonzo, he seems all right.
I mean, Long John's only a cook.
How dangerous could he be?
Well, I don't know, but I--
Wait a minute. Where's Rizzo?
Enjoy your cruise, sir.
Next!
All right, folks, have your cheques
made out to ''Rat Tours Limited.''
Remember, we put
the rat in ''pirate.''
Why, thank you,
Mr Plagueman. Next!
- Rizzo, what are you doing?
- What? Oh, this.
Well, I figure
if the treasure map's a dud...
the trip won't be a total loss,
financially speaking.
Well, the wind seems to be freshening.
The tide is with us.
Mr Arrow,
this voyage has begun.
This voyage has begun!
Raise the gangplank!
- Right, lads!
- Let go forward line!
Let go aft line.
Hard to starboard.
Any man caught dawdling
will be shot on sight.
- I didn't say that.
- I was just paraphrasing.
- Mr Arrow, just set the sails.
- Set the sails!
Hey, where's my camera?
- I'll miss you! I said I'll miss you!
- We'll send postcards!
- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!
When the course is laidand the anchor's weighedA sailor's bloodbegins racingWith our hearts unboundand our flag unfurledWe're underway and offto see the worldUnderway and offto see the worldHeave ho, we'll goAnywhere the windis blowingManly men are weSailing for adventureon the deep blue sea
Safely now, Mr Silver. Let's not
get sloppy just because we're singing.
- Aye, aye, sir.
- Danger walks on deckWe say what the heckWe laugh at the perilswe're facingEvery storm we rideis its own rewardAnd people dieby fallin'overboardPeople dieby falling overboardHeigh ho, we'll goAnywhere the windis blowingHoist the sails and singSailing for adventureon the big, blue, wet thingI love to see 'em crywhen they walk the plankI prefer to cut a throatI love to hang 'em highand watch their little feetTry to walk in the airwhile their faces turn blue
Just kidding.
It's a good life on a boatThere are distant landswith burning sandsThat call across the oceansThere are bingo gamesevery fun-filled dayAnd margaritasat the midnight buffetMargaritasat the midnight buffetHeigh ho, we'll goAnywhere the windis blowingShould have took a trainSailing for adventureon the bounding mainThe salty breezes whisperWho knows what lies aheadI just knowI was born to leadThe life my father ledThe stars will beour compassWherever we may roamAnd our mateswill always beJust like a familyAnd though we mayput into portThe sea is always home
All right, Mr Bimbo. I didn't know
you had such a good singing voice.
Thank you.
We'll chase our dreamsstanding on our ownOver the horizonto the great unknownHeigh ho, we'll goAnywhere the windis blowingBold and brave and free- Sailing for adventure
- It's so nauseating!
- Sailing for adventure
- So exhilarating!
- Sailing for adventure
- We're all celebrating!
On the deep blue sea
Ahoy!
Roll call!
- Long John Silver?
- Aye, aye, sir!
- Short Stack Stevens?
- Aye!
- One-Eyed Jack?
- Aye!
- Black-Eyed Pea.
- Yeah.
- Walleyed Pike.
- Aye.
Polly Lobster.
- Mad Monty.
- Aye.
- Sweetums.
- Aye.
- Old Tom.
- Aye, aye.
- Real Old Tom.
- Aye.
- Dead Tom?
- Aye, aye.
Cool.
- Clueless Morgan?
- Huh?
Headless Bill.
Headless Bill.
Big-Fat-Ugly-Bug-Face-
Baby-Eating O'Brien?
Aye.
- Angel Marie.
- Aye, aye.
Gentlemen, may I see you
in my cabin?
- Immediately?
- Mm-hmm.
Who hired this crew? This is
undoubtedly the seediest bunch...
of cutthroats, villains
and scoundrels I have ever seen!
So who hired 'em?
Your finger hired the crew?
No, that's silly. The man who lives
in my finger hired the crew: Mr Bimbo.
What? Ah!
Yeah, he relied heavily on the advice
of our excellent cook, Long John Silver.
A cook? And a guy who lives
in a bear's finger?
Exactly!
I'm starting to worry
about this voyage.
Jim, I know Billy Bones
gave you the treasure map...
but I hope you'll give it
to me for safekeeping.
I'll be careful with it, sir.
Beggin' your pardon,
gentlemen...
but I've come with a bit
of a treat for you.
'Tis my very own best brandy...
laid down by the brothers
of Buckfast Abbey...
vintage ...
to toast
to a prosperous voyage.
- Oh, spiffy.
- I'm sorry, Mr Silver, but I'm not...
going to allow drinking
on this voyage.
- Oh, well, rules are rules.
- Oh, but, sir...
'tis a tradition for the officers
to toast to the success of a voyage.
Ah, very true.
No, we must set an example
for this questionable crew.
There will be no consumption
of alcohol of any kind.
Oh, sir, but I can vouch
for this crew myself.
You could sail to heaven
and back with these men.
Well, I'm afraid
I must disagree with you.
Oh.
You wanna knock it off
with the booze?
It's peeling the paint
off of the shuffleboard court.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
- Come on, girls.
- We told him.
And that's that.
This conversation is finished.
I understand, sir.
I shall tend to my duty
and see to it...
that every drop of alcohol
is thrown overboard.
Come on,Jim.
Don't bother, Captain.
You can go
if you want to,Jim.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
Oh, well. I guess the human beings
wanna hang out together...
don't wanna spend time
with a rat and a, uh--
- Uh, uh, whatever.
- Yeah.
- Say cheese!
- Cheese!
Oh, that's great.
Cute couple.
Stop it!
I never felt
like this before.
- Denise, what I'm trying to say--
- Yes?
- What I'm trying to say is--
- Yes?
- What I mean to say is, I--
- Yes?
I'm sorry your present
didn't work out.
Oh,Jim, Smollett sails
by rules and laws.
That's what bein' a captain's
all about.
Me, I sails by the stars.
Stars?
North,Jim. Find me north out there
among them stars.
Well, that's easy.
Ah, yeah, but what
if you don't have a compass?
Long John, please don't drop it.
It was my father's.
It's all I have of his.
Please. Please.
I'm sorry, lad.
I were only foolin'.
- How old were you when he died, then?
- Seven.
I were eight
when my father died at sea.
- First mate, he was.
- My father was a first mate too.
Was he, now?
By the powers.
What a coincidence.
Now,Jim, that be Polaris,
the North Star.
Even in the China Sea,
that's north.
- North. Polaris.
- Uh-huh.
- So we must be heading southwest.
- Smart as paint you are, lad.
Smart as paint.
Now, that gets old Long John
to wonderin'.
Why would we be
sailin' southwest?
The scuttlebutt
among the crew is that, uh...
we're sailin'
for buried treasure...
and, uh, someone on board...
has a map.
'Course,
none of my concern,Jim.
I'm just a ship's cook.
Such matters are best suited
to Captain Smollett.
He runs this ship, not I.
Come on, Long John.
You could captain this ship.
That I could, lad.
Maybe someday I will.
- Moonlight swim?
- Okay.
Oh, Smolly, my love for you...
is deeper than
the deep, blue sea.
Get on with you! Go on!
Hi,Jim!
- Yo,Jimbo! Mornin', Long--
- Hi, Long John. Good morning.
Well, at least one of us
is having a good time.
Ah, Rizzo, it's not so bad.
Angel Marie said that later on...
he'd throw a line out the back
and let me drag along the bottom.
I don't know about this crew.
I feel like they're always
watchin' us, just waitin' to pounce.
That's just a figment
of your imagination.
This is a figment
of my imagination?
Now, tell us
where the map is...
or we'll tear ya
limb from limb!
Never. My friend
and I will never tell.
Hey, hey, there could be
extenuatin' circumstances.
I mean, you know--
Wh-- I b-- If--
Maybe they'll ask
real nice.
- In your dreams!
- Do it, Monty! Do it!
Yeah, do it to me!
Yes! More!
- Oh, no, I can't look.
- Look at this!
I'm taller!
This is so cool!
I may even have a future
with the NBA.
This won't work! He likes it!
Let's torture the rat!
- Huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
- Yeah!
- Oh, no, no!
- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes.
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
- Oh, please, no! I hate basketball!
I got a lovely recipe
for blackened rat.
I say!
This does not look safe!
- What? What? What? What?
- I b-- I burned my hand.
Kiss it or something!
Poodly, poodly, poodly,
poodly, poodly.
Mr Arrow, lock those three up
for the remainder of the voyage.
- Yes, sir!
- You can't hold us!
- To the brig! Move along!
- Will you stop crying!
Will you shut up!
- Move along.
- Oh, good. That's good. Yeah.
Master Hawkins, may I see you
in my cabin, please?
Yes, sir.
- Ready, Mr Gonzo?
- Ready!
Tie off the rope, Beaker!
We call this
the window shade cure.
All right.
Snip, snip, snip.
Oh, great! Wow!
That was so cool!
Hmm? Oh, sure.
- Who's the lady pig, sir?
- Never mind that,Jim. Listen.
I'm hoping you're willing
to give me the map now,
considering what's just happened.
I'd rather not, sir.
I'd hoped it wouldn't
come to this,Jim, but...
as captain, I order you
to give me the map.
- Mr Arrow?
- Aye, aye, Captain.
Lock up this treasure map.
It will be safe
in here, sir.
It's been six weeks
since we left England.
Five days
since we had a breeze.
No!
I got the madness!
I got cabin fever!
I've got it too!
Cabin fever!
I got cabin feverIt's burning in my brainI got cabin feverIt's driving me insaneWe got cabin feverWe're flipping our bandannasBeen stuck at sea so longthat we have simply gone bananasWe, we, we got cabin feverWe lost what sense we hadWe got cabin feverWe're all going madGrab your partner by the earsLash him to the wheelDo-si-do, step on his toeListen to him squealAllemande leftAllemande rightIt's time to sail or sinkSwing your partnerover the side- Drop him in the drink
- We've got cabin fever.
- No ifs, ands or buts.
- We're disoriented.
- And demented.
- And a little nuts.
Volkswagen carWe were sailing, sailingThe wind was on our side
And then it died.
I got cabin feverI think I lost my gripI'd like to get my handson whoever wrote this scriptI was floating'neath the tropic moonAnd dreamingof a blue lagoonNow I'm as crazy as a loonCabin feverhas ravaged all aboardThis one small vesselhas become a floating psycho wardWe were sailing, sailingheading who knows whereAnd now thoughwe're all hereWe're not all there
Cabin fever!
- The wind is back.
- What are we doing?
What's goin' on here?
- What was that?
- I feel like such a fool.
- Yeah, me too.
- I hope nobody saw that. Embarrassing.
- Get us outta here! Help!
- We didn't hit him!
Come on. Let us out.
We was only joking.
- Hey, Long John!
Hey, get us outta here!
- Yeah!
- Hey-ey-ey, Polly.
- What?
- What was that song that just happened?
- What are you talkin' about?
You know.
Cabin Fever
- That.
- You see,John?
You gotta get us outta here now!
Clueless is startin' to go crackers!
Here you go.
- Your bread and water for today.
- But I ordered shrimp scampi.
It's more than you deserve,
ya villainous dogs!
Oh,Jim.
By rights,
I should be locked up too...
for lettin' thieves like them
aboard this ship.
Oh, it chills me...
to think that they almost
killed your little friends...
looking for some
daft treasure map.
None of this would've happened if I'd
have given Captain Smollet the--
I mean--
What, lad?
I'm not really sure I should be talking
about this with you or with anyone.
You mean, you've really
got a treasure map?
Not any more. Mr Arrow took it and
locked it up in the captain's cabin.
You must promise
to keep it a secret.
Don't bother your head about that.
You've only told old Long John.
Now, you run along
and do your chores. Go on.
Go on.
Safely now. Safely.
Steady as she goes.
Oh. Mr Silver, good evening.
Wicked fog tonight, sir.
Reminds me of the night
we ran aground off the pampas.
Half the crew drowned
in leaky lifeboats.
Ah, it were
a terrible shame.
- Leaky lifeboats?
- Oh, a common occurrence, sir.
A little-used piece of equipment
falls into disrepair...
- and becomes, shall we say--
- Unsafe?
Oh, I'm not sayin'
our lifeboats are unsafe, sir.
I'm not sayin'
we got problems--
Still--
Hmm. Hmm.
The caulking appears tight.
No dampness under the gunwale.
This one seems seaworthy.
Well, sir, they do, of course, until
you get them out in the open ocean.
- Cast me off, Mr Silver.
- Oh, yes, sir.
Oh, sir, is there anything I can
hold for you for safekeeping?
Your hat? Your coat?
- Your keys?
- Hmm? My keys?
Of course. If they were to fall
overboard, it would be disastrous.
Oh, that it would, sir.
Cast me off, Mr Silver!
Aye, aye, sir!
Thank you, Mr Silver.
Just doin' my duty, sir.
Oh, yes,John.
Man overboard!
Yes.
- I'm sorry, sir.
- Wha--
Mr Arrow's gone overboard,
and...
all we found was his hat!
Oh, no.
And so, my friends, the sea has claimed
another loyal officer and friend.
- This was a person who served--
- I got it! I got it!
Okay, after you, Monty.
- No, after you.
- Will you just come on.
- Okay.
Mr Samuel Arrow,
a wonderful man who...
used to get us up from our beds
before dawn for a good flossing.
- Okay, okay. Now, spread out
and find the map.
- Yeah.
May the wind be ever at your back,
Samuel Arrow. Rest in peace, my friend.
- Amen.
- Amen.
Shh.
- See? See?
- Wait. Open it. Open it.
No, no, no, we gotta take it
to Long John. Come on.
This apple has a worm in it.
That's not a worm.
That's my tail.
What's wrong?
- It just feels so weird.
- You mean, that Mr Arrow's dead?
Yeah, that, and my pants
are filled with starfish.
You and your hobbies!
Rizzo!
-Jim, we've missed you! Climb in!
- Can't. I'm doing my chores.
- Oh, come on. Share an apple.
- Yeah, come on!
- Anyway, here's the plan.
- I say we should kill that captain now.
- And then we'll get
that twit of a bear!
- Can we make a rug out of him?
Oh, hi, Long John.
I'm an easy man.
A gentlemen of fortune, says most.
But it makes me sick at heart
to sail with the likes of you.
Now, get this straight.
If anyone mutinies
before I says so...
I'll throw you overboard
like I did that scurvy mate Mr Arrow!
I says, let the captain
steer us closer to the island.
I've got the lad's
treasure map now.
When the time is ripe,
we'll kill 'em all!
- That's what I said!
- That's what I said!
- We're gonna kill them all!
- Land ho!
- Come on, lads! Let's go!
Yea! Land ho!
Oh, my goodness.
Land ho!
Beachfront property!
Retirement estates!
- Bikinis!
- Bikinis!
Throw the mainsail!
Drop anchor!
Bring her up
hard of starboard, helmsman.
Prepare to lower the longboats.
Bring those barrels
over here, lads!
Helmsman, give a hand
with the longboats.
- Captain, may I speak with you?
- I'm sort of busy right now,Jim.
But, Captain, we just heard.
Long John is planning a mutiny,
and he's got the treasure map.
- Yeah.
- I see.
- Mr Silver?
- Aye, aye, Cap'n!
Mr Silver, I want you
to take the crew ashore at once.
We need water and provisions.
Take as long as you want.
Sir! 'Tis a task to my liking, sir.
That it is!
- Quickly, boys. Gather the officers
and meet me in my quarters. Quickly.
- Yes, sir.
This is a lucky break.
Captain lettin' us go ashore.
Us with the map and all.
It's like giving the treasure to us
on a silver platter.
Aye, that it is, Polly.
Never trust a silver platter.
Follow me, Beakie. Come along.
Jim, lad!
There's room in the boat for one more.
Come along for an adventure.
- I-I can't. The captain wants me.
- Oh, what a shame!
I'll miss you, lad.
That I will.
Um,Jim! I seem to have
left my crutch on board.
Hand it to me like
a good lad, will ya?
There's a good boy.
Have to be a bit closer than that.
Can't reach it from there.
- Oh!
- Oh! Ah!
Cast away, men!
Be quick now!
Go, go, go!
Don't splash!
The plan is simple.
Once the pirates are ashore,
we set sail and return in a year or so.
- By then, all the fight
should be out of'em.
- Oh, now I understand.
That's a brilliant plan.
- Except for one thing.
- What's that?
The pirates have Jim!
I'm tired!
- You're what?
- I'm gettin' tired!
- He says go faster.
- I'm gettin' tired!
Hey, man! I can't figure out
what side we're on.
Are we with the pirates
or the frog captain?
Oh, hey, man,
just play the gig.
Never get involved in politics.
Politics!
Politics!
Jim, lad!
Easy,Jim.
'Tis all in good fun.
Pleased I am to initiate you
into our enterprising, um, company.
Which entitles you
to all the benefits thereof.
- But I don't want any benefits.
- This is a one-time
special offer,Jim, lad.
Say no, and I will be forced
to, um, terminate our relationship.
- You're nothing but murdering pirates.
- Pirates!
Pirates. Oh,Jim.
If that's what
you're thinking...
you're dead wrong.
When I was just a ladLooking for my true vocationMy father saidNow, son, this choiceDeserves deliberationThough you could be a doctorOr perhaps a financierMy boy, why not considera more challenging careerHey, ho, ho
- You'll cruise to foreign shores
- Sing it, lads!
-And you'll keep your mind and bodysound by working out of doors
- Show him you been practisin'!
True friendship and adventureare what we can't live without-And when you'rea professional pirate- That's what thejob's about
Upstage, lads!
This is my only number.
Now take Sir Francis DrakeThe Spanish all despise himBut to the British he's a heroand they idolize himIt's how you look at buccaneersThat makes them bad or goodAnd I see us as membersof a noble brotherhood
- Hup!
- Hey, ho, ho
- Oh, I love it!
- We're honourable men
- 'Tis poetry in motion.
And before we lose our temperswe will always count to tenOn occasion there may besomeone you have to executeBut when you'rea professional pirateYou don't haveto wear a suit
- What?
- I could have been a surgeonI like taking things apartI could have been a lawyerbut I just had too much heartI could have been in politics'Cause I've always beena big spenderAnd me, I could have beena contenderSome say that pirates stealAnd should be feared and hatedI say we're victimsof bad pressIt's all exaggeratedWe'd never stab youin the backWe'd never lie or cheatWe'rejust about the nicest guysYou'd ever want to meet
Well, look at us,Jim.
We're a festival
of conviviality.
Congeniality.
- That's conviviality, stupid.
- That's what I said.
We're ready, O capitán.
Good. You men guard the ship
while I'm gone. We'll be back
as soon as we get Jim.
- Aye, aye, Captain.
- Cast off, Mr Beaker.
Thanks for coming along, men.
- Are you kidding? Jim is family.
- Yeah.
Tell the truth, lad.
Do you really think the captain
and the squire...
are planning to share the treasure
with the likes of us?
Can't hear ya.
No?
And we being
the rightful owners.
Flint's own crew, who shed
our blood getting it here!
Join us, lad.
Donate your compass to the
treasure hunt and get a full share!
Hey, ho, hoIt's one for all for oneAnd we'll shareand share alike with youAnd love you like a sonWe're gentlemen of fortuneand that's what we're proud to beAnd when you'rea professional pirateYou'll be honestbrave and freeThe soul of decencyYou'll be loyal and fairand on the squareAnd most importantlyWhen you'rea professional pirateYou're always in the bestOf company
- Down!
- There! Captain Smollett
coming to rescue me.
Don't get your hopes up, laddie.
I've taken the liberty of hiding
a few of my best men aboard.
If a second round follows...
it means they've
taken over the Hispaniola...
and I'm the new cap'n.
Now, then.
Yea!
How infortuitous our firearms
weren't loaded, Beakie.
I'll say.
We might have shot somebody.
I'm the only friend
you got in the world now,Jim.
Let's dig up
the treasure together, eh?
Shipmates, remember?
- We'll be needing your compass, though.
- No.
I'll be taking it
either way,Jim.
Yea!
Come on then, lad.
Let's not waste time.
Well, it's too dark
to do anything now.
We'll camp here
and wait for first light.
Oh. Hey, Rizzo, relax!
Don't be so afraid.
Oh, I've gone
way beyond afraid.
Right now I'm somewhere between
bed-wetting and a near-death experience.
- Good night, boys.
- Well, good night.
- Right.
- 'Night, Rizzo.
- Yeah, sure.
Gonzo?
Is that you, Gonzo?
Boy, Gonzo, it sounds like you're
coming down with a little cold there.
I-I-I'm just gonna light a match,
if you don't mind, here.
Long John, look!
Flint hung 'em up there
after he gullied 'em...
to mark the trail
to the treasure.
Wicked sense of humour
ol' Flinty had.
- I-It's a sign. This is a cursed place.
- Yeah!
Well, there's
an informed opinion.
All right,Jim, lad,
where to from here?
''On a heading
of degrees...
walk paces
from where the dead men hang high.''
That way!
- We're gonna go? We're gonna--
- Come on!
Howdy vous,
stinky froggy man and friends.
I am Spa'am,
High Priest of the Boars.
You mucho wickedness
go trespass on island.
Now you suffer the wrath
of our queen...
Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal.
Terrific. Captured by crazed wild pigs
and sacrificed hideously
before a pagan altar.
- Are we lucky or what?
- Silence, smelly sailor mans!
You have violated
sacred island.
Uh-uh, excuse me.
I am Captain Smollett.
We mean no harm
to your culture.
We embrace all creatures
of different nationalities.
Silence!
Bring forth
Boom Sha-Kal-a-Kal.
That can't be good.
Boom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalaka
These tropical floor shows
are so exotic.
Yeah, and the food
is to die for.
BoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoomshakalakalakaBoom Sha-Kal-a-Ka-a-a-alBonsoir, mes ami.
Come, Flaubert.
Flaubert! Get away,
you stupid anteater!
- You spoiled my entrance.
- Boom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-KalBoom Sha-Kal-a-Kal
- Oh, knock it off!
- Huh?
Oh, ha-ha. Greetings.
Moi am Benjamina Gunn.
Maroonee, temptress
and queen of this i--
Smolly, can it be you?
Benjamina.
Hi-ya!
Oh, uh, old girlfriend.
Tie 'em back
in their stakes!
... ...
- , .
- This is it.
What if Clueless is right?
Wh-What if it is c-cursed?
I'll show you what
I think of your curse.
You mewling, little,
lily-livered...
toffee-hearted,
little wuss of a crustacean!
''Treasure buried here.''
Oi, we don't even
have to dig it up!
Come on, mates!
The treasure's ours!
There's no treasure, Silver!
You brought us here for nothin'!
- Yeah!
- And now we'll be tried for mutiny!
- That's right!
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
I say we should kill him!
Run, lad!
Save yourself!
- Why are you doing this for me?
- Because I like you, boy.
I hope you didn't think
I was lying about that.
- Get him!
- Run!
- Get him!
Take greeny, flippy,
bulgy-eyed one away.
- What?
- Others stay. Chop-chop!
- What? Oh. Ah. Oh. Uh.
- Hey, wait! Where are you taking him?
Hmm ver-di-dee-voomVer-di-dee-dooVer-di-ver-di-dee-voomver-di-vooBork, bork
Hmm. First take-ee the mousie,
then skewer the mousie!
- Well, how else do you think
we were gonna get him in this movie?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- Whoa!
- Oh. I wish we were back at the
Admiral Benbow eating table scraps.
- We're about to become table scraps.
Well, this is terrible! This is the
worst thing that's ever happened to me!
- Wait a second! I've been cut loose!
- Hiya, guys.
-Jim, they've got Captain Smollett.
- I know. Come on.
We've got to get help.
Oh, okay.
Where will we go?
Tom, Tom, Tom!
Ohhh!
Dead Tom's dead!
Long John shot him!
But Dead Tom's
always been dead.
That's why he's
called Dead Tom.
- Oh.
- Can we get on with this?
Get outta here, will ya?
- Clueless!
- Yeah, yeah?
- Give it to him!
- Yeah!
But, uh, it's not
even his birthday.
- No, no, no, no! The paper!
- Oh.
This is for you.
- The Black Spot?
- Yeah.
You dare to give me
the Black Spot?
- Uh, he-he told me to.
- Wh-- Shut up, will ya?
And it's drawn
on a page from the Bible.
You tore a page
from the Holy Scriptures...
- to make a pirate's death sentence?
- Uh, here.
Ohhh, the red hot
gates of hell...
are creeping open!
Satan is heating
his pokers for you...
you blasphemous heathens!
- Fall down on your knees...
- Oh!
and beg for deliverance
from damnation!
- Please forgive us.
- Please forgive me!
Very good.
You're forgiven.
- Oh, thank you.
- Now untie me!
Okay, okay. Untie him.
- And let's go find the treasure!
- Yeah!
Oh, oh, you are a good man.
You are a kind man.
A handsome man.
- Precious.
- Oh, he's-- You're precious a-and--
- Beautiful.
- And he's beautiful. Oh.
Yeah, here's the boat.
Oh, no!
Well, that won't help us.
We're gonna have to swim to the ship.
Hello! Earth to Jimbo.
Swimming to a ship that's full of
killer pirates to save the captain
is not a good plan.
- Look!
- Yes. The gunwale and keel
are definitely safe.
- Mr Arrow!
- Mr Arrow!
- It's me!Jim!
- Over here!
- Mr Arrow, over here!
Oh. Oh, boys.
Come join me...
aboard this exceptionally
safe little boat.
Hmm.
By the way, that Silver fellow
may not be trustworthy.
- Ha-ha! Now he tells us!
- Yeah.
And here's a photo opportunity
you will not want to miss.
The actual jungle location for the movie
Muppet Treasure Island.
- Oh, my goodness!
- Keep up, people.
- Hey, when do we eat?
- Oh, my feet are killing me.
Of all the backwater,
no-class piles of sand in the ocean...
you had to wash up on mine.
Benjamina, I just want you
to know that I'm sorry.
Sorry? No, no,
sorry doesn't cut it.
You left me standing
at the altar!
I was on a ship headed
for Zanzibar. I got cold feet.
You're a frog.
You're supposed to have cold feet.
My mother came
all the way from France.
I was wearing
her white lace dress.
The cake was filled
with lemon custard!
Mina, fate has brought us
together again.
Well, actually, buried treasure
and pirates brought us together--
Don't you start with me
about pirates!
After you jilted me, I took
up with this Bernie Flint.
- The man was totally codependent.
- You and Captain Flint?
Well, he was a pirate, I was a lady.
You know the story.
Smolly? He marooned me.
Me!
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Th-This is all my fault.
Oh, what have I done to you?
- Mushy-mushy!
- Kissy-kissy!
- Oh, lovey-dovey!
Bravo, Cap'n.
Touchin' reunion, Benjamina.
This seems to be your day
for renewing old...
acquaintances.
Oh, well, hello, Long John.
- Oh, no! Him too?
- Well, if you'd married me.
Well, what does that
have to do with it?
- I'm a pig! I need commitment!
- Commitment?
- You knew that about me when you--
Now, I'm not gonna be really patient
about this, Benjamina.
Where is the treasure?
Um, I just may not
tell you. Hmm.
Oh, don't play games with me, lass.
I tell you,
I'm not a patient man.
Stop! Give up now...
weak and tiny pirate mans...
or die like stinking dogs.
Hmm, we see you have
boom-boom sticks.
Bye-bye.
Oh, brother!
- Now, Benjamina.
- What?
Where is the treasure?
There is no treasure.
I-It was all a clever ruse. H-Ha!
So where did you get that
gold necklace you're wearing?
The one made
of Spanish doubloons.
Aye.
Um...
Shopping Channel?
No!
Shh.
- Shh.
- Shh.
Oh, fiddle!
Make yourself useful.
Try and save us. Do something!
Shh!
Oh, Master Hawkins,
you've come to rescue us.
I should've let him
live in my finger.
We're ready,
Master Hawkins.
- Do you think this
will work, Dr Livesey?
- Oh, yes!
My research indicates
that pirates are very superstitious.
Boogie, boogie, boogie!
I am the ghost
of Samuel Arrow.
Boogie!
Come on.
We've got to save the captain!
You were so good, Mr Arrow.
That was beautiful.
What do we do next?
What do we do now? Uh,Jim?
- Weigh anchor?
- Weigh anchor.
- Weigh anchor. Okay.
- Set the sails.
- Set the sails!
- And you, Squire Trelawney.
- Uh, n-n-now, Master Hawkins, I-I-I--
You take the helm.
Ah! Step aside, Mr Bimbo.
I shall be taking the helm.
Hurry, Rizzo!
I'm going as fast as I can.
Oh! Smolly, my love!
Oh, oh!
Smolly!
You can't hurt my frog!
Don't tell him anything, Mina.
I beg you!
He'll only kill you too.
Don't listen to him!
Now...
for the last time...
where's the blasted treasure?
- Yeah!
- Hah!
Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop!
The treasure's at my place.
North trail, split-level hut
with the pink lawn furniture.
You can't miss it.
Now free him at once,
you scoundrel!
You know, I'm beginning to see
a pattern in the men I date.
Yeah, well, uh, uh,
the past is behind us.
And the future below us.
Oh, it's okay, Mina.
We're together again.
Yes, despite it all...
we have each other.
- Oh, don't cry for me, Benjamina.
- Pardon?
Was I dumbor was I blindOr did my heartjust lose its mindWhy'd I go and throwOur perfect dream awayLooking backI'll never knowHow I ever let you goBut destiny could seewe deservedTo have another dayLove led us hereRight backto where we belongWe followed a starand here we areNow heaven seems so nearLove led us hereNow I know that lifeCan take you by surpriseAnd sweep you off your feetDid this happen to usOr are wejust dreamingLove led us hereRight backto where we belongWe followed a starand here we areNow heaven seems so nearLove led us hereSo take my handAnd have no fearWe'll be all rightLove led usHere
Oh, Smolly.
You saved me.
Come on, men!
It's back to Blighty now, lads!
The treasure's all ours!
Hurry. Come on.
Get in the boat.
Long John! Long John!
Look! The ship!
Uh, yeah--
What are they doing?
There's no one on board.
It's coming
straight for us!
I-It's the ghost
of Captain Flinty.
He's coming to kill us.
Come back, you cowards!
Hawkins.
Look. It's the captain
and the pig.
Oh, no!
Head for those cliffs.
- Head for the cliffs, Squire.
- Aye, aye! Uh. Oh.
Oh, Beakie, Beakie.
Look, look!
I think we're going to need a net.
Come along.
Get back there,
you yellow-bellied bilge rats!
I'm not losing
that treasure now! Get out!
We're lowering the net now.
All right, let's go. Okay.
That's it. Beautiful. Beautiful.
- We're coming, Captain Smollett!
- Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
- Steady! Steady!
- Careful!
Au revoir, mon capitaine.
- We got 'em!
- Oh, ho, ho! Yes!
- Ahh!
- Oh, no!
Waldorf, you old fool!
We're heroes!
We saved the pig
and the frog!
Well, it was too late
to save the movie.
Welcome aboard,
Captain Smollett.
And welcome
to your lady pig friend.
Ah! Look out! Ah!
The captain must have his sword.
Whoa!
Wow! Ha!
Yah!
Captain!
Fight, you idiots!
Captain!
- Here!
- Ha! Ah!
- Hi-ya!
- Wah!
- All right! No more Ms Nice Guy!
No one maroons me
and gets away with it!
- Good to see you alive, Mr Arrow.
- Huh! Thank you, Captain.
Geronimo!
Oh, what am I gonna do? Oh!
- Come on!
- Come on, you! Hey!
- Oh!
- Oh, sorry.
- En garde!
- Mi casa es su casa.
- Ah, I make cheese
out of you. Come on!
- Hi-yee, De Soto! Hi-ya!
- Oh, yah!
!!Cucaracha!
- Hah!
- Ahhh!
Come on,Jerry!
He's just a kid!
- Ohhh!
- Okay, okay, okay!
Okay, I give.
Uncle. Uh, I'm dead.
Oh, oh, oh, Mr Bimbo, help!
- Am I dead?
- Huh?
- Wonderful!
- Uh--
- Mr Bimbo, that was
some amazing swordplay.
- Take that!
Oh, watch out, Mr Arrow!
Well, thank you. But aren't you
supposed to be fighting against us?
Are you kiddin'?
I love you guys!
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
Cowabunga!
Come on. Fight.
Where are you?
- Ohhh!
- Hmm.
And as for you!
- Oh!
- Silver!
Hmm-hmm. Hah!
Hah! Hah!
Why don't you pick on
somebody your own size, huh?
- Ah. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
- Wow!
Yes! Yes! Smolly! Yes!
- Hah!
- Yes!
Ha-ha, Silver!
Ha-ha, ho-ho!
Not bad for an amphibian.
Smolly, Smolly, he's our man!
If he can't do it, no one can! Yea!
- Ho-ho-ho! Ha-ha!
- Excuse me.
- Pardon? Whoop.
Ohhh!
Uh-- Uh-- Uh--
I'm a frog.
You know, slippery hands.
Uh, you know, I never really believed
that violence solved anything anyway.
Really? Allow me
to disagree, Cap'n.
Kill Captain Smollett,
and you'll have to kill me.
Kill Jim,
and you'll have to kill me.
Kill Gonzo,
and you'll have to kill me.
Kill Squire Trelawney
and Mr Bimbo...
and you'll have to
negotiate strenuously.
Going somewhere,
John-John?
Well, Mr Hawkins,
it seems your little family...
has come together
against me.
- We're doomed.
- Yeah.
Well, you know, I, for one,
feel better about myself.
Yeah. A-And I believe
that I have learned a valuable lesson.
- Why, you!
- Shut up!
Okay, stop biting me.
Okay, I said something wrong!
Silver!
I suppose you'll be blowing
the whistle on me now, won't you,Jim?
I suppose I will. You have to return
to Bristol to stand trial.
Oh, I'm sorry,Jim.
I got a terrible fear of hanging.
We're shipmates, aren't we,Jim?
Gentlemen of fortune, together.
Give us one more chance?
Oh, hell,Jim.
I could never harm you.
You're honest
and brave and true.
- You didn't learn that from me.
- I learnt it from my friends,
Mr Silver.
Now take your oars and row away.
I never want to see you again, ever.
Oh,Jim!
'Tis a shame, really.
We'd have made
a great team,Jim.
Well done,Jim.
Your father would be proud.
Captain Smollett,
I have most distressing news.
One of the jolly boats is missing,
and I know for a fact
that it was terribly unsafe.
Ahhh!
This is not fun.
Flaubert, meet Da-Da.
- Ready to sail, sir.
- Hmm.
Where to,
Captain Hawkins?
To wherever the wind
may take us.
Off to Zanzibar,
to meet the Zanzibarbarians.
Oh, brother.
Here they go again.
Love powerLove powerLove powerA little love powerStronger than the hurricaneAnd softer thanthe summer rain
- Love power
- What kind of powerA little love powerIt can lift you upLift you up when you get lowAnd make your lifebright as the rainbowWhoa-ohThere ain't no sunin the morning skyWhoa oh-oh-oh-ohBreeze ain't blowingand the bird don't flyWhoa oh-oh-oh-ohThen someone kindreaches out a handAnd smilesa warm sweet smileAnd then your heartcome to understandWhat make the world spinWhere do magic beginSomeone to believe inFeel so goodwhen everybody feels
- Love power
- There's no higher power
- A little love power
- Nothing in the worldStronger than the hurricaneAnd softerthan the summer rainOh, love power
- Everybody, feel it
- A little love powerOh-oh-oh-ohLift you up when you get lowAnd make your lifebright as the rainbowWhoa-ohSo many peoplethey feel so badWhoa oh-oh-oh-ohYeah, they make the moneybut they still so sadWhoa oh-oh-oh-ohNobody told themthat it ain't that stuffThat makes life worthwhile'Cause even ifyou've got enoughYou got less than nothingtill you know for certainEnough to put your faith inIt feels so goodwhen everybody feels
- Love power
- People, can you feel itA little love powerLift you up when you get lowAnd make your lifebright as the rainbowLet me tell you now
- Whoa-oh
- Feel the inspiration
- Hey
- Don't it feel like heavenIt make the souland the spirit strongWhen everybody comeand every single oneThey hear the song nowOh, love powerA little love powerStronger than the hurricaneAnd softerthan the summer rain
- Can you feel it, oh
- Love power
- What kind of power
- A little love powerIt can lift you upLift you up when you get lowAnd make your lifebright as the rainbow- One love- Lift you up when you get low-And make your lifebright as the rainbow
- So,Johnny.
May I call you Johnny?
Stop me if you heard this one.
Why does the ocean roar?
Give up?
You would, too, if you had
crabs on your bottom...
and oysters in your bed.
Get it? Oysters? Bed?
Ooh, I love that one.
I'm tellin' ya, I got
a million more just like that.
Was I dumbOr was I blindOr did my heartjust lose its mindWhy'd I go and throwOur perfect dream awayOh, looking backI'll never knowHow I ever let you goBut destiny could seewe deserveTo have another dayLove led us hereRight backto where we belongWe followed a starand here we areNow heaven seems so nearLove led us hereLove led us hereOohI confessIt's sad but true
- Sad but true
- I lost myself when I lost youBut I held your memoryThrough each lonely nightOh, let's forget
- What's gone before
- What's gone
- Now we bothknow so much more
- So much moreAnd we've been givenanother chanceTo make it work out rightMake it workLove led us hereRight backto where we belongWe followed a starand here we areNow heaven seems so nearLove led us hereNow I know that lifecan take you by surpriseAnd sweep you off your feetDid this happen to usOr are we just dreamin'Dreamin'We followed a starand here we areNow heaven seems so nearLove led us hereSo take my handAnd have no fearWe'll be all rightLove led usHere