Voila! Finally, the 9 1/2 Weeks
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of Nine And A Half Weeks
with Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of 9 1/2 Weeks. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Hey, sweetheart, how about
I dry you off?
Hey, babe!
Okay, don't hit me.
This is a message from Sinclair.
He's coming to your party.
That's great. So, what do we have now?
A critic, two clients, three painters.
Should be three more clients
and Molly in the back room.
You should know how to do business.
Give me a break here.
I'm calling out for coffee.
Who wants what?
I want a chocolate croissant,
Sweet 'N Low and a coffee light.
Okay. You, Liz?
Hot tea with milk.
Hey, boss-man!
I'll have a hot water with lemon
and Sweet 'N Low.
Don't let them charge for it.
Slimming down, tubs?
I don't fast to lose weight.
I fast to save money.
No sales, we'll both be in the back.
- Did you get the dip?
- Yeah, wine cheddar.
What do we have now?
Olives, crackers, pâté, what else?
French ticklers, Spanish fly,
margarine.
- This guy's shy. You can't do that.
- All right, so all right.
- Bye.
- So, what's his name, Michael?
Sorry, love. Why?
Oh, my God.
Sinclair, he's a vegetarian.
String beans, romaine lettuce,
asparagus, carrots...
Hey, all right, okay.
More, free. Free, free, free.
No charge.
Okay, goodbye.
Hello.
- Imagine one caught in your throat.
- Can you imagine the songs they sing?
- Oh, such a romantic.
- Can I help you, ladies?
- Half a dozen birds.
- You clean me out.
What are you gonna do with them?
What do you think we're gonna do?
Eat them?
No, we plan to give them
a proper burial.
That's very funny. Seriously.
Very funny.
Maybe we'll raise them as pets
and then fly them from the rooftops.
- Would you wrap them up?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Wrap them up.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Wrap them up. Let's go.
- Okay.
Let's see. What else?
Fortune cookies. About eight, no, .
Just wrap them with the rest.
Cab!
Stop, I'm pregnant!
Cab!
Coming at huh?
Yeah, .
Listen, why don 't you getcomfortable and I'll get it?
Okay, come on, schmuck,
take your shirt off.
Come on, I haven't got all night.
You won't talk me into giving
a dinner party again.
It shows you're opening up.
I'm fine.
Soon you'll be putting
an ad in the personals columns.
"Beaut..." No.
"Divorced White Female.
Beautiful statuesque blonde.
Witty, cultured, owns own vibrator."
Oh, Lizzy...
I know you don't have one.
Not vous.
You are the grossest,
most perverted...
...oversexed, disgusting...
- Oh, my God!
Oh, baby!
Oh, Michael, yes!
He's eating Volkswagens.
I said to his agent, "How am I
supposed to review a piece like that?"
- How about a Volkswagen-tasting party?
- More wine?
Michael?
Anyone can do this
with his or her nose.
No, wait, wait. She did it!
Have you guys heard of this artist?
He's new. This is serious.
Come on, please, everyone,
let her tell the story.
Elizabeth does not lie.
She's blushing.
There's nudity and violence
in this, mark my word.
- Tell it, tell it.
- Come on.
A guy, he's an artist.
- He's done a series of portraits.
- What kind of portrait?
No, rectal portraits.
I know him.
He pulls down his pants,
puts the brush up his bum...
...and then paints portraits in a sort
of jack-knifed position.
It's the most amazing thing.
That's sort of the way you
write your reviews, isn't it?
Charming. Charming. Very charming.
To swimming with bowlegged women.
- It's beautiful.
- It is a beautiful shawl.
It's an old French shawl.
- How much?
- Three hundred dollars.
Is it really that much?
It's rock bottom.
Three hundred dollars.
Three hundred's a good price.
Thank you.
What's that?
It has babies!
- How much is it?
- For you, big ones.
How about ?
Thirty-five.
How about ?
Okay.
Every time I see you
you're buying chickens.
Thirty.
- Every time I see you you're...
- What?
- You're smiling at me.
- Smiling at you?
Thank you.
This place has a lot of history.
The chair you're sitting in right now,
a guy named Gino Gambini...
...got his brains blown out...
...while he was eating the same thing
you are, linguine con cozze.
There was another guy.
Back in... Well, this was earlier,
this was in .
Did you ever hear of Vito Posillipo?
No, I don't think so.
Would you like some more?
Vito Posillipo was sitting right over
there where that baby is.
He was minding his own business.
He was having ziti al forno.
They came in...
- You don't want any?
- No. Then what did they do?
Vito Posillipo came in...
Let me finish this.
Halloween night, sitting in back...
...minding his own business,
they gunned him down.
My God!
This place is what they call
a family restaurant.
Listen...
Do you recognize this?
John.
It's for you.
Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?
Is this yours?
No, it's a friend's.
Thanks.
It's beautiful.
It's so beautiful.
It's nice.
Is this your duck?
You're taking a lot for granted.
Am I?
That or you're practicing
to be a maid.
Do you like music?
Some.
It's Billie Holiday.
What do you do?
I buy and I sell money.
Some people call it arbitrage.
What do you call it?
I call it a living.
So you sleep with a telephone
under your pillow?
No, I don't do that.
I used to do that.
I don't have to do that now.
But your business is risky,
isn't it?
Well, it's not any riskier
than you coming here.
Here, where there's
no neighbors around.
We hardly know each other.
I don't know you.
You really don't know me.
I mean, there's no taxicab waiting
on the curb.
There's no phone booth outside.
There's no one to hear you
if you called out.
Just...
...you and me.
I don't like this. I want to go.
I was just kidding.
Now!
Right, we'll put this down, here.
We should go black, black, red, red.
That's it.
From this end to that end.
Black, black, red, red, black, black.
I think the dog collar belongs here.
It's not. It's a chastity belt.
It is?
Elizabeth.
Someone sent you flowers.
All right, don't do anything.
Where did she go?
Thank you.
Come with me.
- Send her up?
- Take her up.
John.
Bye.
John, I hate you.
Stop it.
Shall we get a cup of coffee?
John, let me down from here.
- You pig!
- See you later.
Get me down!
- Why don't you just calm down?
- I mean it.
Why don't you just calm down?
Why don't you just...
What is the matter?
Leaving me up there like that.
Slow down.
I see someone coming.
- Take this sucker for five dollars.
- Maybe even .
Sir?
You like music?
Do I like music? Look at these guys.
Who wants to know?
My brother. He can fart the theme
from Jaws. He's really amazing.
Wait a minute. He can what?
He can fart the theme to Jaws.
It's five dollars.
Five dollars? For five dollars
I can go out and buy the record.
- Too much.
- Oh, what about a buck?
You can do this for a buck?
Go ahead, do it and then
I'll give you the buck.
Give him a dollar. Who can do it?
I can. But we need the money first.
I'll tell you what...
...you hold the money.
Go ahead, hurry up, do it.
Look at him, he looks like
he's going to take off.
- That's it.
- That's it?
That's it?
What about:
He only does the first couple of bars.
Oh, no, give me the money back.
Come on, let's go.
This is Dr. Holden 's office.Just wanted to remind you,you have an appointment tomorrow.Hi, it's Scott.We're going to Fire Island thisweekend. Want to come?
That's my dad and me.
This is Tom Millerof Miller's Antiques.Hello, I waited until ten.Did you forget?I'll speak to you later.
That's Bruce.
He's a songwriter.
We were also married for three years.
Aren't you going to ask how I feel
about him now?
Shit, I hate these machines.Lizzy, this is your mother.Remember me?- You hungry for turkey?
- That's my mom.
Take off your dress.
What?
Will you take off your dress?
May I blindfold you?
What if I don't want you to?
Well, you can ask me to leave.
I don't want you to leave.
Don't move.
No, no, don't move.
I want to look at the outline
of your body.
Does this frighten you?
Yes.
Does it excite you?
Yes.
It does me too.
Is he supposed to be dead or asleep?
I think he's sleeping.
I like to think of him sleeping.
It's by Matthew Farnsworth.
And nobody's ever heard of him,
I know.
But we're about to have a show
of his work at the gallery. Very soon.
I think he's a lovely artist.
How about it? How do you feel?
It just doesn't...
I don't know how to say it.
It just doesn't...
Do you like it?
Great. I think he's dying to get out.
Thank you, very much.
Come back and see us.
Excuse me.
Okay, boys.
- You smell good.
- Thanks.
It's nice.
May I sit down?
Of course. Make yourself at home.
Some chair.
You have a lot of TVs.
My uncle died watching TV.
He was a fanatic about sports.
I mean, any sports.
He had three TVs and a radio.
He used to run from room to room
just so he wouldn't miss anything.
He died of a heart attack.
' Olympics.
I've come close to a heart attack
myself watching these things.
I used to live in hotels
before I lived here.
I do like to cook.
- You like to cook.
- Love to cook.
I bought this for you.
Why don't you just hand it to me?
I like to watch you move.
Okay.
Open it.
God.
It's beautiful.
I love it.
Do you know they used to hypnotize
people with the sound of ticking?
You know that?
Let me hear it.
I hear it.
Can I ask you a question?
Okay.
It is beautiful.
What?
Elizabeth...
...each day at : ...
...would you look at that watch
and think of me touching you?
Yes.
Would you do that for me?
Yes.
Liz?
Sinclair's on the phone.
Who?
I don't believe she said that.
God, what does he want?
I don't know.
I think it's about Farnsworth.
- Here.
- No kidding.
Hello?
Sure, I'll hold.
Such a jerk.
I think I've been hypnotized.
A diet doctor tried it on me once.
I gained pounds.
I can't concentrate.
I sprayed Lysol under my arms
this morning.
You brush your teeth with
Ben Gay?
Shaving cream.
Oh, you're all right.
Listen...
...your ex called. He wants to have
dinner tonight. Don't forget.
No, I can't.
Why not? Lizzy, I think you should.
He seems so sad lately.
You go.
You go in my place.
I don't think I'm his type.
Can I borrow your body?
Hello.
Molly.
Molly.
- There's a man on the premises.
- Terrific.
Great. Go to it.
Are these yours?
Yes.
It's nice. Come here.
I don't believe this.
I'm starving. Are you hungry?
Come on.
Don't move.
Stay right there.
I want you to close your eyes...
...and I want you
to slide on the floor.
Just lie down on the floor.
Come on.
Go ahead.
Close your eyes.
Don't peek.
I didn't.
Promise to keep your eyes closed?
A big one.
Promise to keep your eyes closed,
please.
Stick out your tongue.
Further. Further.
Further. Right.
Yeah.
I'll put it right on the spot.
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
I should have said no.
No, no, no.
I should have said no.
I would have if I could have...
...but I couldn't. So I didn't.
Are you talking to me?
Listen, Lizzy...
...you remember when you...
...suggested that I keep your date
with your ex?
Well...
...I did.
And the thing is, I couldn't say no.
I...
...slept with him.
With Bruce? My Bruce?
I thought you should know.
Well, your mom will like him.
Mine did.
Okay.
I'm going to a party tomorrow night
with Molly.
Will you come?
Come on, John.
No.
Why not?
I want you to meet my fr...
Don't you want to meet my friends?
I don't want to meet anybody.
I really don't want to meet anybody.
I just want to be with you.
I'll start the dishes.
Let me tell you something.
You don't do dishes.
You don't ever have to do dishes.
I'll do the dishes.
And I'll buy the groceries.
And I'll cook the food.
And I'll feed you.
And I'll dress you in the morning.
And I'll undress you at night.
And I'll bathe you.
And I'll take care of you.
And you can see your friends in the
daytime. I just want the nighttime...
...from now on to be...
...ours.
Yes?
Okay, fine.
Okay, I'll meet you.
I have to meet a friend.
That's okay.
I've got work to do at home.
No, I don't want you to go.
Would you please stay?
Okay.
Fetch, boy.Now you can afford that bedthat lets you read, eat...... chat on the phone, watch TV, sleepand relax at the touch of a button.Now you can afford soothing, gentlemassage. Your personal heat control.Total adjustability.At last, an adjustable bedat flat bed prices.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
- Elizabeth?
- Yes.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Don 't talk. I have a questionI want to ask you.
Okay.
All the while that I was withmy friend, I was just wondering...... what you were doing in there.I was wondering if maybeyou were going through my clothes...... looking in my drawers...... looking at the things in my closet.And I said,"No, she's not that kind of girl.She's a good girl. "Good girls don 't snoop, do they?So come on, you can tell me.Tell me if you've been a nosy parker.I mean, come on.Really, I want to know.I'm your pal, right? So tell me.You can trust me.It'll be our secret.So tell me.Tell me.
Yes.
- Yes.
- What's that?- Yes, what?
- Yes, I've been a nosy parker.
Shame on you.
I didn't think you'd be here.
Why'd you do that?
I'm sorry.
You've been a very bad girl.
I want you to face the wall and raise
your skirt, because I'm gonna spank you.
You are kidding?
I'm not kidding.
Oh, God.
Who the fuck do you think you are?
Coming.
Your breakfast is ready.
Will that be cash or charge?
Cash.
John?
Aren't you going to ask me
how I like this?
No.
Did you take as good a care
of the others as you do of me?
Did you?
Come on, John.
- Say, "That is gross."
- That is...
...unacceptable.
Just go.
Hurry!
Where are we going?
I'm gonna take care of you.
Hot soup.
It's good.
How did you know?
How did you know I'd respond to you
the way I have?
I saw myself in you.
Do you know what, Molly?
I can't figure this guy out.
You know, sometimes...
...it's so easy.
I mean, it might be...
...the tie they wear...
...or the books they read,
or don't read.
But you know.
Know what?
What will end it.
So you just file it away and you wait.
And that sort of makes it bearable.
But with this guy...
Maybe it's true love.
Maybe.
Hi.
I brought you some lunch.
Pastrami and oatmeal cookies.
Your favorite.
What are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood...
...and I wondered how you spent
your days without me.
And now I know.
Wow, you have such a big office.
Your secretary is very attractive.
I saw her on the way in.
Do you always buy her lunch?
Don't let her leave.
I love Wall Street.
I do, yes.
- Why?
- I don't know.
I love the gray flannel suits,
the shiny shoes.
Sometimes I wonder what it
would be like to be one of the guys.
Yeah?
Sometimes.
Sometimes.
Yeah, I can understand that.
The lady wants to know what it
would be like to be one of the boys?
The crowd is going wild!
Oh, I don't believe this.
Don't sit down next to me looking
like that. Jesus Christ!
- Will you take it off?
- Stop it!
Just kidding. You look really good.
You look great.
I'll tell you, my darling,
it's a hell of a life.
You work and work and work.
You meet with people that
you don't like, you don't know.
That you don't even want to know.
And they try to sell you things.
You try to sell them things.
Then you go home at night, listen to
the wife nag, the kids bitch.
You turn up the TV.
You tune everything out.
You get up the next day
and you start over again.
I'll tell you...
I'll tell you, the only thing
that keeps me going...
...is this chick.
I got this chick.
I got this unbelievable chick
on the side, see?
I mean, she is so hot...
...I can hardly believe it.
I mean...
...she's got one of those
heart-shaped asses.
There ain't nothing
like a heart-shaped ass.
I mean, did you ever have a chick...
...with a heart-shaped ass?
I didn't think so.
Don't.
You're so fucking beautiful.
You are. You're so fucking
unbelievably, absolutely beautiful.
Give me that moustache.
What should we do?
Pick up some chicks?
Hey, faggots!
Come back! Come back, you cowards!
Come on back...
Shit!
Run, John!
Come on, you son of a bitch!
Why did you pull me away?
I could have beat them up.
I know. I know you could have.
I could've really done it!
I could've done it!
Son of a bitch!
Jesus.
Damn it! Goddamn it!
Fuck!
Did you see me? Did you see me?
Did you see me? Did you see me?
I got him in the butt.
Did you see me? Did you?
I love you. God, I love you.
God, I love you. God!
- Molly?
- Yeah?
- Help me pick out a matting.
- God.
Harvey said neutral colors.
We could use one of these textures.
They've got the rattan.
It's kind of like,
you know, the tropical.
Oh, wait, look at these.
I'd die for these.
Liz, would you help me out
with this?
These are the kinds you can feel.
We like these, don't we?
I'll leave you alone.
Ted! Telephone.
If it's my mother-in-law, I'm out.
Please, stop torturing me!
Help me! He's gonna kill me.
Arpege. Arpege.
- Do you like that?
- Yes.
Then take it.
Do you like it?
Mr. Jerry Bruckheimerto the bedding department, please.
I'm sorry.
- When can I have this delivered?
- You're in luck.
- This display comes down tomorrow.
- Why?
Because we're putting
another one there.
- What's wrong with this one?
- Nothing wrong with it.
Everybody likes that bed.
Where you gonna put it?
We'll probably sell it.
Do you want it?
As soon as possible.
Then you only need
give me the information.
Do you have a box spring and mattress?
I can handle it for you.
No, I would need a nice
hard mattress and box spring...
...and I'd like you
to deliver it all together.
Oh, you will want to select it.
No, I won't.
Well.
I need...
What else do we need?
Four big pillows.
Would you like goose down
or Dacron pillows?
Which do you prefer?
Goose down is much nicer.
Goose down.
And the ticking?
And the ticking.
What about it?
It comes with it.
What kind do you want?
What kind do they have?
You want striped?
What is ticking?
You don't know what...
It's the cloth that covers
the mattress and the box spring.
- Oh, I must have ticking.
- Yeah, oh, yes.
I would be very happy if you'd
pick out the ticking for me.
Certainly.
Okay.
Will that be all?
Oh, there's one other thing.
Sit down.
You have beautiful toes.
Beautiful toes run in the family?
Could my lady friend lie on the bed?
Would that be all right with you?
Oh, thank you.
This bed is one
of our most popular ones.
Just lie back.
Just hold onto the headboard.
You comfortable?
Spread your legs for Daddy.
You'll be happy to know you can have
it delivered Thursday or Friday.
I just want a gander.
And I'll personally guarantee you
can have the delivery on Thursday.
Spread your legs.
I won't look. Nobody's looking.
No, John!
I'll take this one.
We've got to do something
about Farnsworth.
I keep calling and calling
and the man won't answer the phone.
We got three weeks.
Harvey's going out of his mind.
I think you should go see him.
Don't you?
It's a good idea, you know.
Mr. Farnsworth?
Mr. Farnsworth?
Mr. Farnsworth?
Hi. I tried to get in touch
with you so many times...
...but your phone was off the hook.
I wanted you to know that
your show opens in three weeks...
...and we still don't have
all your paintings.
And we were hoping you'd come.
You do remember about your show?
I remember to eat when I'm hungry...
...and I remember to sleep
when I'm tired.
I saw your work.
It's wonderful.
I don't know what it is.
The way you manage
to capture a moment.
It's the moment...
...a thing is so familiar.
It is strange.
Yes.
Elizabeth, we're gonna play
a little game.
I'm a man with a very big problem.
Because I can't get excited.
I can't get excited unless I see...
...you get on your hands and knees
and crawl across the floor.
And I'm willing to pay a lot
to see you do that.
Would you do that for me?
This is stupid, John.
Crawl.
Crawl.
I don't want to.
Get on all fours and crawl.
I don't want to argue with you.
Now crawl.
Don't play with me like that.
Elizabeth, I don't want to negotiate
with you. Now crawl.
John, it's only a game.
- Crawl.
- No!
- Crawl.
- Don't touch me!
- Don't.
- Pick up the money.
Pick up the money!
I don't want to pick up the money!
I don't like the money!
Pick up the money.
Here's the money!
Elizabeth, you love this game.
- Don't you?
- I hate it.
- Don't you love it?
- I hate it!
You love it.
I hate it. It was...
You loved it.
You know you loved it.
Molly. Molly.
Bruce is down there.
Just tell him I'm not here.
I don't feel like it.
Lizzy...
...he's here for me.
Hi, Bruce.
Bye, Lizzy.
See you tonight at the opening.
This is Doctor Holden 's office again.You have an appointment tomorrow.You've missed two.You know we have to charge you.Try to make this one, please.Meet me at the Chelsea Hotelat p.m. In room .Elizabeth, I love you.I have somethingI want you to do for me.I want you to go to the drawer...
It was a simple thing
I asked you to do.
Now do it.
Is it too tight?
How does it feel?
I love you.
Hold this, darling.
God... let's see.
Relax... woman.
This way, this way.
Do you see it?
You are going to feel good.
Relax.
Do you like it?
Like cats...
Do you like it?
Softly...
I am going to make you feel...
...fabulous, hot...
They are yummy.
How good!
Come and I will bite you!
Let me see your eyes.
Goodbye.
Let's dance now.
It is so good!
Let's teach her what is good...
Come on, girl.
What is this woman doing here?
Bitch, stupid.
Son of a bitch.
Bastard.
- You can't...
- You scared me.
- How does it feel?
- You really want to know?
- How's it feel to be out of control?
- You want to know?
- I want to know. What was it like?
- You want to know?
- What was it like?
- Look, John!
Look!
Anyone want champagne?
Take it!
This is wonderful. Wonderful!
The Times just arrived.
- Please, God, give us a good review.
- I think they're taking pictures now.
- Are you ready?
- Yeah.
- Oh, come on. Yeah.
- Do I look all right?
- Wonderful.
- I think I'm drunk.
Darling! For God's sake, help me.
Oh, help me, darling.
Farnsworth! He's so strange.
Really strange.
I mean, I love the work.
I love it. I even told him.
But I don't know whether he's
subliterate or pre-verbal or what.
But he just stares. Stares, dear.
Creepy. Really creepy.
This is the beginning of the
Farnsworth era. He's a great painter.
- Bear with him.
- Why bear with me?
This is a great day.
I'm proud of the show...
...and I'm proud to have you with us.
You leaving?
You won't stay?
You know, I have five brothers.
I'm the youngest.
We lived in a small town.
It was just outside of Chicago.
My father...
My father was...
He worked at a foundry.
And my mother was a...
She was a clerk at a...
She was a check-out girl
at a grocery store.
So, you know, it's just...
I've got a family.
They don't work anymore.
They're retired. I support them.
It's too late.
I want you to know something.
There's been lots of other girls.
There's been lots of women.
But I never felt anything
like this before.
Even when I just...
...hold you in my arms,
it's just the way you feel.
Something I didn't count on.
I never counted...
...on loving you so much.
You knew it would be over
when one of us said stop.
But you wouldn't say it.
I almost waited too long.
I'll send someone to get my stuff.
Elizabeth. Elizabeth.
I love you.
Would you please come back...
...by the time I count to fifty?
One.