Voila! Finally, the On Golden Pond
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Jane
Fonda, Katharine Hepburn, and Henry Fonda. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of On Golden Pond. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Norman!
Come here. Come here.
Norman!
Hurry up!
The loons.
The loons.
They're welcoming us back.
I don't hear a thing.
Just look at this place.
It's a mess, isn't it?
Just take a second.
It'll be all shipshape again.
And warmer.
Huh.
The phone works!
At least I think it does.
Hello?
Hello! Hello!
Who the hell is that?
Who the hell's
in this picture here?
Who the hell is this?
Hello! Who's this?
The operator?
What do you want?
Well, you called.
Must want somethin'.
Oh, wait a minute.
I did call you, but you never answered.
Well, how are ya?
Well, how nice.
Listen, this is Norman Thayer, Jr.,
over on Golden Pond.
I have somethin' I want you to do.
Call me up. Can ya do that?
Yeah, I want to check my phone,
see if it still rings.
Haven't rung all winter.
It may have lost its "whatsee."
You got my number?
I have no idea.
It's got a nine in it, is all I know.
It's in the book.
You must have a book.
Norman Thayer, Jr.
Let's give her a try, shall we?
Who the hell is that?
- Someone's at the door.
- It's me, you old poop!
Well, look at you.
Yeah, look at me?
Quite a sight, aren't I?
Oh, Norman! It's so beautiful.
Everything's just waking up.
Little, tiny birds.
Little, tiny leaves.
I saw a patch of little, tiny flowers
over by the old cellar hole.
I forget what they're called.
Little, tiny, yellow things.
Well, want to help me
with the dustcovers?
- I don't have anything else to do.
- Come on.
What were you doin'
out in the woods?
Norman, what do you think I was doing?
I was getting wood.
Hey, I met
the nicest couple.
- Yeah? Where?
- In the woods.
- Couple of people?
- No, a couple of antelope.
Of course
a couple of people.
Their name is Migliori, I believe.
Migliori?
What sort of a name is that?
I don't know, darling. Italian, I suppose.
They're up from Boston.
- They speak English?
- Well, of course they speak English.
They're a nice middle-aged
couple, just like us.
If they're just like us,
they're not middle-aged.
- Of course they are.
- Middle-aged means the middle, Ethel.
Middle of life.
People don't live to be !
Well, we're at the far edge
of middle age. That's all.
We're not, you know. We're not middle-aged.
You're old, and I'm ancient.
Oh, pooh!
- You're in your s, and I'm in my s.
- Just barely on both counts.
Would you like to spend the rest
of the afternoon quibbling about this?
- We can, if you like.
- Oh, for the Lord's sake.
The Miglioris, whatever their age group,
have invited us to have dinner sometime.
Wouldn't that be nice?
I don't know. I'm not sure my stomach's
ready for rigatoni, that sort of thing.
Oh, no! Poor Elmer!
He's had a terrible fall.
Poor little Elmer.
The life you've led.
He was my first true love,
you know.
Known all along
I wasn't the first in line.
No, you were a rather
cheap substitute for Elmer.
- And now he's had a fall.
- Maybe he wanted to kill himself.
Maybe he wanted to be cremated.
Probably got cancer or termites or something.
- Shut up, Norman!
- Not a bad way to go, huh?
Quick front flip off the mantle,
end up in the fire. Nothin' to it.
- Norman, will you shut up?
- When my number's up, do that for me.
Prop me up on the mantle,
point out which way is down.
Might even try for a full gainer
with a half twist.
Norman Thayer, Jr., your fascination with dying
is beginning to frazzle my good humor.
Not fascination.
Just crosses my mind now and then.
Every five minutes. Don't you have
anything else to think about?
Nothing quite
as interesting.
Well, what's stopping you? Why don't
you take your dive and get it over with?
And leave you alone with Elmer?
You must be mad!
Oh, for pity's sake.
Come on and help me get
the canoe off the porch.
- Norman, are you paddling?
- Of course I'm paddling.
Then you're not steering.
You want me to take the stern?
I most certainly do not.
- Norman!
- God, what is it?
Look! Look! Oh, look,
I've spotted the loons!
Oh! Oh, they're so lovely.
Here. Here.
Look.
- Can you see them?
- No.
- Oh.
- Oh! Oh, my goodness. There they are.
- Oh, they're so beautiful.
- Yeah, they're huge.
I never saw such big loons
in my life.
Those are boats, you poop.
Come in closer.
A husband and wife.
I think they're
looking at us.
Yeah, they are.
What the hell's
the matter with them?
Hey, buzz off!
- Buzz off!
- Ethel, what are you doing?
- What do you mean?
- Don't do that.
- Why not? You did it.
- Never mind. I'll explain later.
Five, six, seven, eight,
nine, ten, eleven.
How about that?
Right on your man.
- Where were you?
- Where was I?
- Oh, come off it. Don't give me that.
- Five...
Six, seven,
eight, nine, ten...
- Damn!
- Eleven. Yes.
Good night, sweet prince.
Five, and .
Well, Mother!
You want to stay here and watch
the boat while I run into the store?
I think I'm qualified
to watch the boat.
- Come with me, if you want to.
- No, thank you very much.
- Okay. Hello, Sumner.
- Good morning, Mrs. Thayer.
- Will you fill her up, please? Norman will help you.
- Sure.
That'll be $
please, Mr. Thayer.
Good God. You know how much gasoline
cost when I was your age?
Twelve cents a gallon.
Is that a fact?
I didn't even know they had gas back then.
What are ya,
a couple of nitwits?
Think it's funny being old?
My whole goddamn body's
fallin' apart!
Sometimes I can't even
go to the bathroom when I want to...
but I'm still a man
and can take on you punks.
Norman! Here we go.
Thanks, boys.
I'll drive home.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
If I make the wrong turn and wind up
in Michigan, be sure you let me know.
- Someone's at the door.
- It's me, you old poop!
- Where have you been?
- Picking strawberries.
There were oodles and oodles
of little strawberries along the old town road.
How nice.
What you are doing in here
on a morning like this is beyond me!
I've been quite busy looking through
yesterday's paper for gainful employment.
- Here we go again.
- Very good prospects, I think.
Chauffeurs, yard work.
Dairy Divine wants
an ice-cream dipper.
I think I could do something
like that, don't you?
What are you gonna do if you call
and they say, "Come on over and start tomorrow"?
- Go on over and start tomorrow.
- Oh, for the love of God!
What on earth's
the matter with you?
Give me that stuff.
Take these buckets and pick us
another quart of strawberries.
And I'll fix us up a scrumptious
strawberry shortcake for lunch. Go on.
You want me to
pick strawberries?
Yep. Do I have to put
an ad in the paper?
- I'm not sure I know how.
- It's really very simple. You bend over and pick 'em.
- Bend over? Where are they?
- On the ground, where they belong.
Last time we picked blueberries they were
on a bush. Didn't have to bend over at all.
These are strawberries,
and they grow on the ground.
Here comes what's-his-name.
He'll have the paper.
I don't want to miss any career opportunities
off lookin' for strawberries.
I'll pay you. It may be
the beginning of something big.
You may become
a major strawberry picker.
Not if I'm bending over all the time.
I think you're tryin' to kill me.
I thought about it.
You needn't bother.
I'm living on borrowed time as it is.
Will you take your cheery personality
and get out of here?
I hope you're prepared to massage
my bent back this evening.
With pleasure.
Well, maybe I can lie down
to pick the berries.
Mornin', Ethel!
Hi, Charlie. Come on up and have
some coffee. You can take five minutes.
You got a letter
from Chelsea!
- The rest is just bills and junk like that.
- Go on in.
Gee!
Oh! Uh-oh.
I think I broke your door.
No, no. It's been that way
for months now.
Norman's supposed to fix it, but I'm afraid
it's not high on his list of priorities.
- Oh, God.
- Hi, Norman.
Norman, are you back already?
You barely left.
So? I move fast. Ran all the way,
picked that stuff, ran back.
- Let me see what you've got.
- I'll just dump 'em with yours.
Nope.
Not a single berry.
What's the matter with you?
Must have eaten them all.
No mail today, Charlie?
Holy MacKanolly,
I left it on the porch.
- How about bringin' it in? Can you do that?
- You bet.
- Glass of milk, Norman?
- No.
See ya broke
the screen door, Charlie.
It's just missing its little
"thingamabobbers" for the hinges.
- I could bring ya a couple from town tomorrow.
- Just be careful next time.
- Here it is, Norman. Drink it.
- Thank you, nurse.
Finish your coffee over here.
There you go.
There.
- What ya got there, Norman?
- I have no idea. I can't open it.
Here. Bite this, please.
- Oh, just his medicine.
- Oh, goody. What a swell surprise.
Nothing serious.
Just for his palpitations.
That's right, Charlie.
I have occasional heartthrobs.
Norman, we got
a letter from Chelsea.
Look at the
goddamn Orioles!
Baltimore's always
been a sneaky town.
Norman, she's coming
for your birthday.
Oh. How nice.
Yep. And she's bringing a friend.
She has the nicest boyfriend.
- Oh?
- They're coming together.
Then they're going on
to Europe for a while.
Oh, really? I don't want crowds of people
coming to my birthday.
I don't want crowds of people
watching me turn older.
Wait a minute.
It's not that Freddy person.
This is a different boyfriend
altogether.
What the hell's going on?
Detroit's disappeared!
Good God!
- What is it?
- Detroit's gone!
What happened to her husband?
What is it, Charlie?
I was wondering what happened
to Chelsea's husband.
It didn't work out.
Hey.
She says she's in love
with a dentist.
Does her boyfriend
know about this?
This is her new boyfriend.
Her new boyfriend is a dentist.
- That's who she's bringing here? A dentist?
- Yep.
Good God! He'll be staring
at our teeth all the time.
Shall we ask him
not to come?
No, we should have representatives
from all walks of life...
at my last birthday party.
Oh, Lord, this medicine should be
put away from all this hot air.
Why didn't
you marry Chelsea?
- You wouldn't let me.
- Oh?
If you had married somebody else,
I'd have allowed that.
- I didn't want anyone else.
- Oh.
- How old will you be?
- When?
- On your birthday.
- A hundred and three.
- Miss Appley was in May. Isn't that amazing?
- Yeah.
- She died, you know.
- No.
Yep, last Tuesday.
We got a call,
in case any mail comes up.
Gave ya a forwarding address
for Miss Appley?
What's so funny?
- One of the lesbians expired.
- Oh! No.
- Which one, Charlie?
- Miss Appley.
Oh, well,
she had a good, full life.
Charlie said she was .
Ninety-seven?
Isn't that wonderful?
Puts us all to shame,
doesn't it?
There's something to be said
for a deviant lifestyle.
Well, thanks for the coffee, Ethel.
You still make
the best biscuits on the lake.
Thank you, Charlie. You must
come around when Chelsea comes.
- I haven't seen her in a long time.
- No.
- Well...
- Norman, Charlie's leaving.
- Good. Bye.
- Good-bye.
Watch out
for that screen door.
Norman! The loons are
teaching their baby to fly.
- Isn't that exciting?
- Listen to this.
"Retired people sought for handbill delivery.
Some walking involved."
I should call.
I can walk.
Is that why you came rushing back here?
To read those goddamned ads?
You want to know
why I came back so fast?
I got to the end
of our lane...
I couldn't remember
where the old town road was.
I wandered a way
in the woods.
There was nothing familiar.
Not one damn tree.
Scared me half to death.
That's why I came running
back here to you...
to see your pretty face.
I could feel safe.
I was still me.
You're safe,
you old poop.
And you're definitely still you...
pickin' on poor old Charlie.
After lunch...
After we've gobbled up
all those silly strawberries...
we'll take ourselves
to the old town road.
We've been there
a thousand times, darling.
A thousand.
And you'll remember it all.
Listen to me, mister.
You're my knight
in shining armor.
Don't you forget it.
You're gonna get
back on that horse...
and I'm gonna be right
behind you, holding on tight...
and away we're gonna
go, go, go!
I don't like horses.
- You are a pretty old dame, aren't you?
- Oh!
What are you doin' with
a dotty old son of a bitch like me?
Well, I haven't
the vaguest idea.
I don't think you should do that
in front of Chelsea's companion.
Oh, pooh. I was just
talking to my friends.
Hey, look at you.
My, oh, my, you have on a tie.
Yes, I know.
I put it there.
Do I look all right?
I haven't overdressed, have I?
You look sexy. I'm gonna have to do
some pretty fast maneuvers to catch up with you.
I have some other ties.
You could come as Miss Appley.
Oh. Thank you.
"Welcome home, Chelsea"?
I see my birthday party wasn't
cause enough for celebration.
I just wanted our little girl
to feel welcome, that's all.
Norman, wouldn't it be nice
if we could all get along this time?
Where the hell are they?
I'm getting older by the minute.
They said they'd be here
when they get here.
- Is that what they said?
- Yep.
That's a hell of an attitude. No wonder
we don't have any grandchildren.
- What would we do with grandchildren?
- Toss 'em on our knee.
We're the last of the Thayers,
you know.
End of the line
for a damn good name.
Yep, and we're gonna
take it out in style.
Oh, my God.
They're here,
and I'm not even dressed.
- I look like an old character.
- You are an old character.
Go on upstairs and change,
if it'll make you feel better
- Be nice to them!
- Sure.
I'll explain the risks involved in being
late to an old man's birthday party.
Anybody home?
Too late. Move that flower vase
over to the other side of the table.
- Why?
- Just do it! For once, just do it!
- Hey! Oh, Mommy!
- Oh, darling!
What a treat.
Let me look at you. You look great.
Where is he?
Just inside the door.
Go ahead. He's waiting for you.
Hello, Norman.
- Well, look at you.
- Happy birthday.
Look at this
little fat girl, Ethel.
Oh, Norman!
You're as thin as a rail, isn't she?
- Sure.
- Oh! My darling, I'm so glad you're home.
I didn't think
we were gonna make it.
- We rented a car that explodes every miles.
- Rented a car, huh?
- In Boston.
- What sort of car is it?
- I don't know. Green, I think.
- A green car.
- I meant, what sort of make is it?
- I don't know.
She doesn't know.
It doesn't matter.
Of course it doesn't matter.
I was just curious.
Well, I guess
I should have looked.
Let's see. It's very ugly,
and it breaks down a lot.
Ugly and breaks down?
Sounds like a Nash.
- Yes, well...
- Where's your friend?
You did bring your friend,
didn't you?
I knew there was something
I was forgetting.
- That's still on, huh?
- Well, as far as I know.
Come on in.
No one's gonna bite you.
- Mommy, Norman, this is Billy Ray.
- Oh?
How ya doin'?
You seem awfully young
to be a dentist.
- This is Billy Ray, Jr.
- I'm Norman Thayer, Jr. Where's...
His father is trying
to park the car.
This is a great surprise. You can call me Ethel,
and you can call Norman Norman.
I like your logic, Mommy.
I'm gonna go see if Bill has driven into the lake.
I'll put away
some of these things.
I hear you turned today.
- That what you heard?
- Yeah.
Man, that's really old.
You should meet my father.
- Your father's still alive?
- No, but you should meet him.
Isn't this fun? Norman, why don't we
put Billy in Chelsea's old room?
Then he can look out
at the lake in the morning.
Why don't we put him out on the float?
He can look at the lake all night long.
- I'd like that.
- You'd be eaten alive by all the bugs.
- So?
- Norman, take him up.
- Show him where everything is.
- Come on, boy.
I just had a birthday too.
I turned two weeks ago.
Oh? We're practically twins.
I'm so glad you're here.
He'll be right in. He actually thinks
you have to lock your car.
Mommy, Norman looks so old.
Oh, I don't know.
You look great though.
- Thank you. So do you. I love your hair.
- Thanks.
How's his mind?
Is he remembering things better?
Oh, he's all right.
He's all right.
Come on, Billy. Let me show you
the bathroom, if I can remember where it is.
Well, at least
he hasn't changed.
Nope, he's still impossible.
It means so much to him to have you here.
- Now he's got someone he can pick on.
- Come on.
- Thank you for coming.
- Thank you for inviting me.
Chels.
Well, you finally made it.
- Oh, hi.
- This is my mother. This is Bill Ray.
- Hello.
- I think I saw a bear.
No, no. You couldn't have seen a bear
out there this time of year.
There are some rather
nasty moths though.
This was a little big
for a moth.
If you really want to be scared,
wait till you meet my father.
- Hey, Dad!
- Hey, Billy!
- Dad, they do have indoor plumbing.
- Great.
Chelsea was just
bullshitting us.
I like to paint a rather
rustic picture of life on Golden Pond.
- It's rustic, all right.
- It's lovely rusticity.
Yeah, we've been peeing
indoors for years.
- You must be Norman.
- Yeah, must be. Who are you?
- Bill Ray.
- Bill Ray? The dentist?
- Yes, sir.
- Wanna see my teeth?
I'd just like to tell you, sir,
how glad we are to be here.
Chelsea's told me
so much about you...
your lovely wife and your
wonderful place on the lake.
We're very pleased
she's brought us here.
I'm frankly surprised
Chelsea could find the way.
Well, she's here, Norman,
and that's what's important.
Do you visit your parents?
- No, sir. My parents both passed away.
- I see.
Then you have a good excuse.
- Norman, please.
- Norman, why...
What? Am I not allowed
to speak to our guests? Is that it?
They're afraid
I'm going to embarrass them.
Well, I'm gonna go say hello to the lake.
Anybody coming?
Me. I never seen anyone
say hello to a lake before.
- Mommy, you coming?
- Yeah. Want to take the boat?
- Boat? All right!
- Bill, aren't you coming?
Where? Outside?
That's where the lake is.
Coming, Norman?
No, I think I'll just sit here
and enjoy the quiet.
- I'll stay too.
- With Bill.
- The screen door's broken.
- Really? Norman will fix it.
- I love your house.
- Thank you.
It's not for sale.
I don't want to buy it.
I just like it.
It has
a charming ambience.
How does it feel to turn ?
Twice as bad as
it did turning .
Yeah. I know what that's like.
I turned five years ago.
Forty-five now.
- Norman?
- Huh?
- Do you mind if I call you Norman?
- I believe you just did.
I don't want to press.
What should I call your wife?
How about Ethel?
That's her name.
Ethel Thayer. Sounds like
I'm lisping, doesn't it?
Ethel Thayer.
Almost kept her from marrying me.
Wanted me to change my last name to hers.
- What was that?
- I don't remember.
I think I'll
start a new book...
so I can finish it
before I'm finished myself.
Maybe a novelette.
Maybe something from
Reader's Digest Abridged.
Here's Treasure Island.
- Ever read this book?
- Oh, yeah, that's a great book.
I'd highly
recommend that one.
- No need for that. I've read it myself.
- Yeah?
But my mind is going,
so it'll all be new to me.
That son of yours
ever read this book?
I don't think so.
Your son hasn't
read Treasure Island?
No, but I intend
to have him read it.
His mother's been
the real force in his life lately...
but I intend to
eradicate, you know...
some of
the dishevelment.
Actually, things are coming together
very nicely for me lately.
I'm beginning to feel
very good about myself.
Meeting Chelsea
was a major...
thing and...
We have a very
kinetic relationship.
It's very positive.
I'm sure you'd be pleased.
- What do you charge for a filling?
- Hmm?
You're a dentist, aren't you?
What do you charge for a filling?
- It's generally $ .
- Forty dollars? Good God.
Norman?
We'd like to sleep together,
if it's all right with you.
What do you mean?
We'd like to sleep together
in the same room...
same bed... if it's
not offensive to you.
- All three of ya?
- No, just two.
You and Billy?
No.
Not Chelsea and Billy?
No.
That leaves
Chelsea and you then.
That's right.
Why would I find
that offensive?
You're not planning on doing
something unusual, are you?
No, no.
Just, you know...
Ah, doesn't seem too offensive
as long as you're quiet.
Thank you.
Chelsea always slept
in the same bed with her husband.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Ethel and I do. We sleep together.
Been doin' it for years.
- Sure, yeah.
- I guess I'd be...
delighted to have you
abuse my daughter under my own roof.
Would you like the room where
I first violated her mother?
Or would you be interested
in the master bedroom?
Ethel, your boy and I
could sleep out back.
You could do it right here
on the hearth. Like that?
- You're havin' a good time, aren't you?
- Huh?
Chelsea told me all about how you like
to have a good old time with people's heads.
She does too sometimes.
Sometimes I can get into it
and sometimes not.
I think you should know I'm pretty good
at recognizing crap when I hear it.
You know, it's not imperative
that you and I become friends.
But I thought
it would be nice.
I'm sure you're
a very fascinating person...
and I thought it would be
fascinating getting to know you.
That's obviously
not an easy task.
No.
You just go ahead and be...
as poopy as you want,
to quote Chelsea...
and I'll be as receptive
and as pleasant as I can be...
but I want you
to bear one thing in mind...
while you're jerking me around,
making me feel like an asshole...
I know precisely
what you're up to.
I'll take just
so much of it.
Okay?
Now, what is the bottom line
on this illicit sex question?
Very good.
That was a good speech. Bottom line, huh?
You're a bottom line man.
All right,
here's the bottom line.
Okay.
Hm?
You seem like a nice man.
Bit verbose, but nice.
- Thank you.
- And you're right about me.
- I am fascinating.
- I'm sure you are.
Let's get back to talking about sex.
Anything you want to know, just ask me.
No, I just...
I just wanted to clear up
that little question.
- Chelsea and I can sleep together, right?
- Sure, please do.
Just don't let
Ethel catch ya.
Dad! Dad!
I paddled the canoe!
A canoe. It's a boat,
just like the Indians had.
Actually, the Indians
use a different grade of aluminum.
Yeah. Chelsea wants you
to come down to the lake.
- She and Ethel are goin' skinny-dipping.
- Skinny-dipping?
Go ahead. Permissiveness runs rampant
here on Golden Pond.
- Let's go.
- Yeah.
Oh, are there
any bears around here?
Oh, sure,
black bears and grizzlies.
One came along here last month
and ate an old lesbian.
Dad, come on.
He's just bullshitting you. Come on.
Okay.
- Hey, hey. Where do you think you're going?
- Skinny-dipping with Chelsea.
No, no, you're goin' back inside
and talk to Mr. Thayer.
Bullshit! I'm not goin' in there
with that old turkey. He gives me the creeps.
What if he dies?
If you don't start behaving yourself,
I'm gonna send you right back to your mother.
You understand that?
Is that what you want?
Now go back in there and talk to him.
Maybe you'll learn something.
Go on. Go on.
Remember when
I was nine years old...
and I came down and caught
you and Norman skinny-dipping?
- No, I don't remember.
- Oh, don't you remember?
I had that big light, and I shined it on Norman
on the diving board and he was naked.
He screamed at me. He called me a spy
and sent me to my room for the rest of the year.
Took me so long
to get over that.
It took Norman a long time
before he'd go skinny-dipping again.
He wouldn't even get out of the water
until I went up and made sure you were asleep.
I was so bloody mad at him
for yelling at you...
that I let him float around down here
for an hour or so, freezing to death.
Good!
You goin' skinny-dippin'?
Huh?
- Are you going skinny-dipping?
- Nah. You?
Nah.
I try to be selective about
who I flash in front of.
Oh?
Chelsea says you're
a real heavy-duty fisherman.
She calls you
the old man of the sea.
I've caught a few.
- You fish?
- Nah.
What do you do out there
in California?
I mean, what does
one do for recreation...
when one is
and not in school?
We cruise chicks.
- Hmm?
- Cruise chicks.
You know, meet 'em.
Girls.
Try to pick 'em up.
What do you do with 'em
when you have 'em?
Suck face.
I beg your pardon.
You know, kiss.
Suck face. You kiss.
Ever read this book
Treasure Island?
No.
- Go read it.
- Now?
Go on. Take it upstairs. Read the first chapter.
Give me a report in the morning.
I thought you said we were
gonna have a party here though.
I'll call you when the party's
underway, if it ever is. Go on.
Oh. I'm sorry.
That's all right.
Chelsea's still in the water.
You should go on down.
- No one should skinny-dip alone.
- Right.
- Oh...
- Yes?
What is that over there?
That's a lawn chair.
Oh.
- Go on. Right down the path.
- Right.
See ya later.
I thought you'd be nude.
Nope. Sorry.
I didn't want to overwhelm
our guest on his first night.
- He's nice, isn't he?
- Yeah.
- Forty dollars a filling.
- Forty dollars?
- That's enough to keep you off sweets.
- Hey.
He'd be a good catch,
wouldn't he?
- He said they wanted to sleep together.
- Why not? They're big people.
Yeah.
- You and I did, didn't we?
- Did we?
Oh, Norman.
Have you been
picking on him?
Yeah. He finds me
fascinating.
Well, why not?
Norman.
- Norman.
- Hmm?
Chelsea wants us
to do something for her.
She wants to leave Billy here
with us for a month.
- Which Billy?
- Oh!
Billy, Norman,
the little one.
Bill is supposed to have him for the summer,
and the kid would be miserable in Europe.
Bill seems very nice,
and Chels needs someone nice.
Couldn't we do that for her?
What would we do with the boy?
What would I say to him?
You'd think of something.
Let's do it.
Let's say we'll do it...
and give Chelsea
some happiness, yes?
All right.
We'll have a splendid time,
the three of us, won't we?
I don't know.
We might.
You know, Norman...
you really are
the sweetest man in the world...
but I'm the only one
who knows it.
Happy birthday to youHappy birthday to youHappy birthday, dear NormanHappy birthdayTo youAnd many more
Beautiful.
I suppose you expect me
to sing something now.
Well, I'm not about to.
I've been trying all day
to draw some...
profound conclusions about
living fourscore years.
Haven't thought of anything.
Surprised it got here so fast.
But I'm glad I got to spend
so much time with this beautiful woman.
What's your name again?
I want to thank all of you
for coming all the way here from Disneyland...
to witness
this historic event.
Now that I'm
out of hot air...
I'm gonna need a little assistance
to get these candles out.
Come on, everybody.
Whoo!
- Come on!
- Chicken.
Charlie!
Well, holy MacKanolly.
Look at you!
- Chelsea MacKanelsie!
- Charlie MacKanolly!
Boy, it's good
to see you.
You've held up good.
Thanks.
So have you.
Bill! This is
my old friend, Charlie.
- He's the mailman.
- Hi. How are you?
Hello.
Want a ride?
I'd love one.
Great.
So you actually
deliver the mail in a boat, huh?
What an incredible
tradition.
Oh, Charlie is a legend on this lake.
He gets the mail through
no matter what.
- Isn't that right, Charlie?
- Yeah. Guess so.
Must be a bitch
in the winter, huh?
Yeah. In the winter
I have a hell of a time.
Course, there's nobody
on the lake to deliver to...
so I get done
a lot faster.
Well, you got a great setup here.
You're a lucky man.
You're a lucky man too.
Yeah, I guess I am.
What do you usually do
at a time like this?
Well, generally,
I just fall into the lake.
Just...
Whoa! Oh!
- Here, let me get...
- No!
All right, come on, Dad.
Big rolls here. You can beat him.
- All right.
- Big rolls.
- All right!
- Two threes. What does that mean?
It means doubles,
which always means you get ya see?
You just send me home
and get more, for God's sake.
All right, Dadders!
- Good.
- Excellent. You're a natural.
Startin' to regret
teaching you this game.
Chels. Hey, Chels.
Parcheesi pro.
Chelsea doesn't like
playing games.
We don't know why.
Probably doesn't like losing.
I tend to panic when
the competition gets too intense.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
We play serious Parcheesi
around here.
I let Norman win every week or so
just to keep his spirits up.
Ah, ha, ha, ha.
What I'd like to know is
why you enjoy playing games.
- Huh?
- You seem to like beating people.
I wonder why.
You get another chance, Bill.
Another roll of the dice.
Well, here's
my little early bird.
Mmm.
Are you having fun?
That's why you come to camp,
you know... to have fun.
What's the matter, darling?
Nothing.
I don't think I've ever grown up
on Golden Pond.
Do you understand?
No. No, I don't think
I understand.
It doesn't matter.
I act like a big person
everywhere else.
I'm in charge
of Los Angeles.
And I come here,
I feel like a little fat girl.
That's just because
your father said that.
My father is
a goddamn bastard.
Oh, come on, Chels.
Watch your language.
Why? You gonna
wash my mouth out with soap?
That was a rather
bizarre custom.
Mother, do you know,
I've been answering to Norman all my life.
Makes me so mad!
Even when I'm miles away...
and I don't even see him,
I'm still answering to him.
Norman is
a goddamn poop.
Oh, for the Lord's sake,
here we go again.
You had a miserable
childhood.
Your father was overbearing,
your mother ignored you.
What else is new?
Chelsea...
you have a great big chip
on your shoulder...
which is very unattractive.
It is. It is.
You stay away for years at a time.
You never come home
unless I beg you to...
and then when you do, all you can do
is be disagreeable about the past.
What's the point?
Don't you think that everyone
looks back on their childhood...
with a certain amount of bitterness
and regret about something?
It doesn't have to
ruin your life, darling.
You're a big girl now.
Aren't you tired of it all?
Bore, bore.
Life marches by, Chels.
I suggest
you get on with it.
Have a wonderful trip,
darling.
And don't worry.
Billy will take good care of us.
- Okay.
- Don't go getting involved with any foreigners.
Right.
Let me have
your bag, Chels.
Good-bye, kid.
Okay.
- You're gonna be okay now?
- Oh, sure.
- You behave yourself.
- Yeah. You guys behave yourself too.
We will. Okay.
Norman, good-bye.
- You work on that Parcheesi game.
- Ha, ha, ha.
Good luck, everybody.
- Thank you so much. We had a great time.
- Thank you.
- I was so happy you came.
- Okay. Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
Just want you guys to know that
I'm not about to take any crap from you.
Well, gentlemen...
it's a beautiful day.
- We're going fishing.
- What?
- We're going what?
- Fishing.
You remember fishing,
Norman.
You're going to show Billy what
life is all about on Golden Pond.
Come on, Billy.
Bullshit.
I beg your pardon.
Does that mean you
can't wait to get out there...
or that it's not
your cup of tea?
It's bullshit, that's all.
I see.
Well, come on, Norman.
Let's get ready.
You like that word,
don't you? Bullshit.
Yeah.
It's a good word.
Okay, Grandpa,
do your stuff.
Hey, hey!
Pretty slick, huh?
Look at this.
This was Chelsea's when
she was about your age.
Caught some pretty
respectable fish wearin' this.
Surprised you still
kept it, if it's Chelsea's.
I might not
stick around here.
I might just haul my ass...
out to Wyoming or Puerto Rico...
one of those places.
Listen. I mean, I know I'm
just being dumped here.
Which is like my middle name.
You turkeys don't want me.
Bullshit.
I'm years older than you.
How do you know
what I want?
We're going fishing now.
We want you to go along.
If you want to come with us...
I suggest you get your ass
down to the dock in two minutes.
Okay, Mrs. Turkey,
let's go.
Here he is.
I thought I might...
just sort of come along
and see what this bullshit is all about.
Get in.
You look very handsome
in that fishing vest.
Oh, thank you!
I mean, thank you.
So, how fast does this
old tub go, anyway?
All right!
Go up this time,
not just back. Up and back.
Come on.
Come on.
Nothing to be afraid of.
Back flip's one
of the easiest dives.
Oh, yeah? Then why don't you
come and try it?
Norman, you stay
right where you are.
Dive, boy.
All right.
One, two, three!
- Ouch! Good God!
- That wasn't it.
- Thanks for telling me.
- Norman, we've got him for a whole month.
Don't kill him
the first week.
This is it?
This is it.
Give me your hook.
You got to be patient when
you're fishing for trout, boy.
There's a trout
living in this cove...
that weighs pounds
if he weighs an ounce.
First saw him
three or four years ago.
Hooked him
two years ago...
and again last year.
But he's a crafty old
son of a bitch!
It's your
last chance, Walter!
Called him Walter 'cause
he reminds me of Ethel's brother.
'Cause he's fat
and lazy and ugly!
Okay, throw her out.
Let her out.
Plenty of line.
How's your line?
On the bottom?
If your line's floating,
it's on the bottom!
That isn't doing you any good. Bring it up!
Bring it up, for Christ's sake!
All right.
Hey, man, you don't have to yell at me.
Who do you think you are,
anyway, Long John Silver?
God.
I'm sorry.
That's okay.
Havin' fun?
- Yeah.
- That's good.
Better than cruising chicks,
isn't it?
- No.
- I suppose not.
For God's sake!
What the hell are you doin' here?
Brought your lunch.
How the hell
did you find us?
Shh! You'll scare
the fish.
Ethel, this is supposed
to be a secret fishing place.
Lucky guess.
We don't need any lunch.
We got more important things going on.
Don't be such an old poop.
Billy might get hungry.
Bye-bye.
Maybe we ought to see
what she brought us.
Hold on,
you son of a bitch!
- What? What?
- Run with it!
Hey, it's not Walter,
but he's related.
Oh, you ugly old
son of a bitch!
- San frantastic!
- I love you! I love you!
Get the net, boy. We're gonna
have trout for dinner tonight.
Not the little one.
The big one. It's in back of me.
That ain't no stupid sunfish.
Oh, ho! Little baby.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Oh, lovely!
Get the net
down underneath him.
- Slowly bring him up.
- Oh, wow.
Look at that beauty.
Yes, sirree.
Oh, ho!
This is a trout.
A rainbow trout.
Good going, boy!
Norman, we've caught
eight million fish.
- Are you sure none of these is Walter?
- Yep. Walter is humongous.
Those fish you got there
are little mothers.
They're disgusting
little mothers.
You got something
against fish guts, boy?
Hey, Norman, can I
ask you somethin'?
- How did you get Ethel, anyway?
- What?
I sent away
for her.
- Two box tops from Quaker Oats.
- Come on.
Don't bullshit me, man.
I met Ethel
when I was a principal...
and she was
a substitute teacher.
She was the prettiest thing
I'd ever seen...
so I told her she made
my heart go pitter-pat.
- She fell in love with me immediately.
- Ha, ha!
- Is that the way Norman got you?
- Don't be silly.
He didn't get me at all. I won him
in a contest. He was the booby prize.
Has he got you cleaning
those stupid fish?
That's right. He cleans the stupid ones,
and I clean the smart ones.
Fortunately, the smart ones
are too smart to get caught.
That's why
they're in schools.
Come on in, Norman.
Get me a fire going.
It's going to be a bit nippy tonight.
You hear that, boy?
Get a fire going.
Norman, for Pete's sake.
Billy doesn't have
to do all your chores.
What's the point of having
a dwarf if he doesn't do chores?
- Damn!
- You got the match backwards.
Want me to do it?
I think I know how to light a fire
for Christ's sake!
What are you reading?
A Tale of Two Cities.
Oh, très bien,très bien.!
Norman! Norman,
you've set the house on fire!
- What the hell's going on?
- Get a bucket!
- What?
- Get a bucket!
Good for you, Billy.
Good for you.
Let's have the screen.
The screen.
Yeah. That's all right.
That's all right.
For God's sake!
You made a hell of a mess!
- What?
- Norman, he just...
Don't yell at me, man.
I guess it's not safe
to have me around here, is it?
What are you staring at me for,
you little son of a bitch?
You mustn't let Norman
upset you, Billy.
Sure.
He wasn't yelling
at you, you know.
Sounds like he is
yelling at me.
No. He was yelling at life.
What the heck
does that mean?
It means he's like
an old lion.
He has to remind himself
that he can still roar.
Billy...
sometimes...
you have to look hard at a person...
and remember...
that he's doing
the best he can.
He's just trying
to find his way, that's all.
Just like you.
How's my little petunia?
Hey, Norman? Norman?
Hey, Norm? Yeah, listen,
I was wondering.
Can I take the Thayer IV
for a little spin?
- Absolutely not!
- Aw, come on.
I know how to drive.
I think it would
be all right.
- Don't you, Norman?
- Good God!
Can you be careful?
Oh, sure.
Norman, what the hell
are you doing?
Oh, come on.
It's really happened,
hasn't it?
You have
lost your marbles.
Here.
I'll get the big net.
You two
will be sorry.
The loons have been
calling for rain all night long.
"Rain! Rain!
Bring us the rain!"
That's what
the loons said, huh?
Well, that's French, you know.
It means "I'm coming."
I'll get la porte.
Oh! No, no. No.
I'm sorry, Ethel.
Allow me.
I don't believe it!
Yeah. Norman and I
fixed the mother.
Ah! Oh, great!
This is the only place we haven't looked
for the stupid son of a bitch fish.
Might as well
give it a try, huh?
They call this
Purgatory Cove, boy.
See those rocks?
They eat boats.
- Do you know the way?
- Of course I know the way.
Get up on the deck.
Tell me where the rocks are.
Come on. Up there.
All right?
- Okay.
- Here we go.
- Okay, there's one coming up.
- Which side?
- The left.
- "Port," boy.
Okay, port.
All right,
another one on port.
Oh! There's one
coming up right here.
Oh! Shit!
The starboard. Starboard.
Okay, there's one.
Port side.
All right, starboard.
Over there.
Oh!
Now, doesn't this look
like the ideal hiding place...
for a crafty old
son of a bitch?
Well, the fish aren't just
gonna jump in the boat, you know.
Get it in gear, turkey!
Gettin' dark, Chelsea.
Who are you calling Chelsea?
I'm Billy, remember?
Hey, come on, man.
Hey, are you okay?
Of course I'm okay!
Okay.
Hey, we better hurry up
and catch Walter, huh?
I mean, I'm not
gonna be here much longer.
Yeah. Neither am I.
I'll miss you, Norman.
What?
Norman!
Hey, Norman, look! Shit!
I got the mother!
I got 'im!
Well, get the net,
Norman!
Get it in gear,
turkey!
I got 'im!
What the heck
is that?
Good God!
It's a dead loon,
Norman.
The poor thing.
Oh, it smells too.
Here. Hold on.
Let it go.
Let it go.
Hey, Norman?
Are you afraid
of dying?
What?
Are you afraid to die?
What the hell kind
of question is that?
I was just wondering,
that's all.
Well, I don't know
why everybody...
has to talk about
everything all the time.
Let's go home, boy.
Are you sure we're gonna
be able to get out of here?
Course we can.
Pull up the anchor.
Get up on deck.
All right,
get back here.
I forgot you're
a hotshot boat driver.
Here, you take the wheel
and I'll navigate.
Yeah?
Well, you know...
I'm not afraid
to do this.
I know. Just take us real slow.
Do what I tell ya.
Okay, turn her over.
All right,
take it forward.
Now give her
a hard left.
Okay. Port.
Okay, good.
All right,
starboard again.
Okay, port.
To the left.
God! Reverse!
Full throttle, reverse!
- Reverse!
- God!
Reverse!
- Chels! Chels!
- Norman!
Norman, please!
Oh, God, Norman!
Oh, Norman, I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
Hold on!
I'm gonna bring you
over here.
Norman, grab on.
Grab on to the rock.
Grab on to the rock.
Grab it.
Get up there.
I'm sorry.
Billy!
Billy!
Come on, now.
Hold on to the rock.
Oh, Charlie,
thank God you're here.
- Come on! We're going for a ride.
- What?
Norman and the kid
are out on the lake.
They should have been home
hours ago. Hurry up.
I'm coming.
Norman isn't ever late.
- I don't understand it.
- Oh, he'll be all right.
Ethel, we've been
back and forth here three times.
They must have
pulled up somewhere.
You don't suppose he would have
gone in there, do you, Charlie?
He's not that crazy.
Yes, he is. Let's go.
I'm not gonna drive my boat
into Purgatory Cove.
Yes, you are, Charlie.
I'll point the way.
Holy MacKanolly.
It's full of rocks,
Charlie. Look out.
- To the left.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Am I all right?
Keep to the right.
Keep to the right.
- Keep to the right!
- All right! I am.
That's better.
That's better. Okay.
Straight ahead.
- Do you see anything?
- Lot of rocks here.
Oh, Lordy.
Norman Thayer, Jr...
where the hell are you?
Charlie!
There they are, Charlie!
Oh, my God!
Norman!
Ethel, you shouldn't
be out here this time of night.
You poop!
You goddamn poop!
How are my boys?
I'm off to the woods
to find mushrooms...
or flowers
or something.
You gonna be all right?
Bye-bye.
Hey!
Where do you juvenile delinquents
think you're off to?
Norman, I thought you were
in too much pain to exert yourself.
What? Well, I am.
I'm just doing this
for Billy.
Give the poor boy another chance
to catch a fish.
We've been doing goddamn
jigsaw puzzles for a week.
You will stay
in our cove, won't you?
There aren't any trout
left in our cove.
Norman, we have enough
trout left in the fridge...
to last us six years.
Yeah, but we haven't
caught Walter yet.
Never mind.
We'll stay in the damn cove.
With a tent on the banksof the Golden PondWe are the girlsfrom Camp HoochicoyaYou can tell who we areBy the gleam in our eyesOh, our minds are clearAnd our hearts are strongWe are dancing hereBut we won't be longThere will soon be deerWhere there now are fawnsBut we'll remember our years
- On Golden Pond
- On Golden Pond
How!
Hey!
- Mommy.
- Oh!
How did you get here?
I rented a car...
a Volare, made by Plymouth.
- Oh, ho.
- Look at you.
My God. You've had this jacket
as long as I can remember.
- It looks it, doesn't it?
- It looks great.
How was your trip?
Oh, not bad.
How's the kid?
- You still got him, or did you drown him?
- We've still got him.
He's out there fishing
with his best buddy.
- You can see him.
- Where's the Thayer IV?
Charlie's fixing her.
Norman and Billy
tried to drive her...
through a rock
in Purgatory Cove.
- Did they get hurt?
- No.
Norman got a bump on the head
which he's playing to the hilt...
but he's all right.
They're both fine,
thank God.
Do you still have Bill,
or did you drown him?
Oh, I still have him.
He had to get back to the coast.
- He had a mouth that needed looking into.
- Ah.
So, Norman and Billy
have gotten along all right?
Oh, Billy is the happiest thing
that's happened to Norman since Roosevelt.
I should have rented him
a -year-old boy years ago.
You could have
traded me in.
Except I think he probably
makes a better son than I did.
You made
a very nice daughter.
How come it's so easy?
What do you mean, darling?
Why wasn't that old son of a bitch
ever my friend?
You're sounding very childish.
Of course he was your friend.
He's your father.
Chels, you're
such a nice person.
Can't you think
of something nice to say?
I married Bill
in Brussels.
You did what in Brussels?
I married Bill.
Does it count
in this country?
- Afraid so.
- Oh, bless you, darling.
- Congratulations.
- Nothin' to it.
Norman will be
so pleased.
Yeah, sure. What do you
suppose he's gonna say?
"Hey, Chels, fantastic!
I'm so happy that you finally
got your life together.
And I'm so proud."
- And he will be proud.
- No, he won't. No, he won't.
And you know why?
Because he doesn't care.
He is a selfish
son of a bitch.
That old son of a bitch
happens to be my husband.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Norman!
- Shit!
- Don't get so excited.
It's only a sunfish.
Only a sunfish?
You doubting the word
of a genius?
No respectable trout
in this cove.
Chased 'em out years ago.
Well, it's doing
a pretty good trout imitation.
Get the net!
Good God!
It's Walter!
What the hell
you doin' here, you son of a bitch?
Oh! Keep that line
tight, boy!
Oh, you beauty.
Keep your line tight.
Keep reeling in.
Little closer. Little closer.
Oh, look at that!
- We caught Walter!
- We caught Walter, the son of a bitch!
Chels? I brought
your sweater and your shoes.
- And your car's out front.
- I'm such an ass. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too. But, darling,
you're wrong about your dad.
He does care.
He cares deeply.
It's just that he's an absolute mutt
about telling anyone.
I know he'd walk
through fire for me...
and he'd walk
through fire for you too.
And if you don't
understand that...
you're not
looking closely enough.
I don't even know him.
Chels, Norman
is years old.
He has
heart palpitations...
and trouble
remembering things.
Just exactly when do you expect
this friendship to begin?
I'm afraid of him.
Well, he's afraid of you,
so you should get along fine.
Here he comes, Chels.
Talk to him.
Hey, hey!
Hey!
Look at you!
Hi, kid.
- Where's the dentist?
- He had to get back.
- He'll call you tonight.
- Okay.
- Hello, Norman.
- Well, well.
Oh, Chelsea!
We caught Walter.
Do you know
who Walter is?
- Well, I have a feeling he's a fish.
- Yes.
A humongous fish! And we
caught him today, didn't we, Norman?
- Well, let me see him.
- We let him go.
- Yeah. We let him go.
- I think I've heard this story before.
No! No, it's true.
Norman and I thought
that if Walter's lived this long...
we should let him
keep on living.
I'm gonna go tell Ethel.
Hey, Norman!
We caught the son of a bitch!
We caught him!
Good job! Whoo!
You got yourself
a friend, huh?
Yeah, he's all right.
Hasn't been too difficult.
- How's your forehead?
- Huh?
Oh, this.
It's all right.
Lot of pain.
Nothing to worry about.
Norman, I want to talk to you.
What seems
to be the problem?
There's no problem.
I just...
I want to talk to you.
I think that...
maybe you and I should have the kind
of relationship that we're supposed to have.
What kind of relationship is that?
Well, you know...
like a father
and a daughter.
Oh, just in the nick
of time, huh?
Worried about
the will, are you?
I'm leaving everything to you
except what I'm taking with me.
Just stop it.
I don't want anything.
It seems that you and me
have been mad at each other for so long.
I didn't know we were mad.
I thought we just didn't like each other.
- I want to be your friend.
- Oh.
This mean you'll
come around more often?
Mean a lot
to your mother.
I'll come around
more often.
Well.
Yep.
- Oh! I got married in Brussels.
- You did?
In Brussels?
- He makes me very happy.
- Well, good.
Does he speak English?
- Bill... I married Bill.
- Bill? Oh, Bill!
I'm glad, Chelsea.
That's "san frantastic."
- What?
- Is Billy gonna be living with ya?
- Uh-huh.
- Well, good.
Isn't that something?
Good for you.
You know something?
I got him doing
the back flip just like a pro.
Oh, yeah?
That's great.
- Want me to get him down and show you?
- No. Not right now.
Okay. Oh, that's right.
You never were a great back flipper, were you?
I was always
too fat, remember?
Yeah, I do
remember that now.
Well, probably
a lot easier for a boy.
I beg your pardon.
- Do you want to see me do a back flip?
- Huh?
I am gonna do
a goddamn back flip.
Chelsea,
you don't have to.
I want to!
Make sure you go up,
not just back.
Up and back.
Oh, I'm scared.
Nothing to be scared of.
The back flip is one of the easiest dives of all.
- I'm scared anyway.
- Don't do it.
It doesn't matter
if you don't do the stupid dive.
It's not important.
I did it!
She did it!
Chelsea did a back flip!
I went over!
It was lousy, but I did it!
- Good for you!
- Yea!
You could come out...
- instead of going to Florida.
- We'll discuss it.
If I can persuade Norman that Los Angeles
is part of the United States...
it shouldn't be too much...
Norman! What in the world
are you doing now?
Hey there, cool breeze.
In case you want
to take a break from cruising.
- Wow! Thank you, Captain.
- He can't take that fool thing on the plane.
- Yes, he can.
- Got something for you too.
You know
what this is?
University of Pennsylvania diving finals, .
Second place.
Oh, thanks.
Now I can retire.
Show that to your new husband.
Maybe he'll give us a discount on dental work.
Well, I guess
I'll be seeing you, ya nitwit.
- Okay.
- I'll miss you, Norman.
Bye-bye, darling.
- Good-bye, woman.
- Bye-bye, Billy.
Well...
good-bye, Norman.
Dad.
Come on, Norman. Let's get these
last boxes out to the car and be gone.
For God's sake.
- Not too heavy, is it?
- Of course it's not too heavy.
God, this is heavy!
- You're trying to kill me.
- I've thought about it.
Put it down
if it's too much.
- What the hell do you have in here?
- My mother's china.
- Put the box down, darling.
- Your mother never liked me.
Of course she did.
Norman, what is it?
What's the matter, darling?
What's the matter?
Oh, my God.
Norman! Norman! My darling!
My darling!
I'll get your medicine.
Here, Norman.
- Take this, darling. Put it under your tongue.
- What is it?
Nitroglycerin.
Put it under your tongue.
Dear God,
don't take him now.
You don't want him.
He's just an old poop.
Norman. Norman!
- Maybe we should call a doctor.
- Oh, yes!
Yes. I'll get
the telephone.
I'll get the telephone.
Hello? Hello?
Dear God.
Dear God.
How are you feeling, Norman?
Pretty good.
How are you?
- How's the angina?
- The what?
- The pain, damn it!
- Pretty good, as pain goes.
This stupid operator!
Hello? Hello?
What's the matter
with her?
She's slow.
- How are you feeling now?
- Oh, I don't know.
You planning to die?
Is that what you're up to?
While I'm waiting for this moron
to answer the telephone...
let me say something
to you, Norman Thayer, Jr.
- I'd rather you didn't.
- Really?
Yes. Oh, this stupid,
stupid operator.
I'm gonna have to call
the hospital directly.
The phone book.
I'll get the phone book.
- What is it?
- Will you come here?
Oh, my God.
Yes, Norman?
My darling?
Ethel...
Yes. I'm here, Norman.
- Ethel?
- Yes? Yes?
- Ethel...
- What is it, Norman?
I think I'm feeling
all right now.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah. My heart's stopped hurting.
- Maybe I'm dead.
- Oh, I love you so much!
I'm sorry about
your mother's china.
Why did you strain yourself?
You know better.
I was showing off.
Trying to turn you on.
Well, you succeeded. No need
for you to try that sort of thing again.
- Good.
- You know something?
This is the first time that I've really felt
that we were gonna die.
I've known it all along.
When I looked at you
here on the floor...
I could actually
see you dead.
I could see you in your blue suit and white,
starched shirt...
in Thomas's funeral parlor
on Bradshaw Street.
- How'd I look?
- Not good, Norman.
You've been talking about death
ever since we met...
but this is the first time
I really felt it.
Yeah? How's it feel?
Oh...
it feels odd.
Cold, I guess.
Not that bad, really.
Not so frightening.
Almost comforting.
Not such a bad place to go.
I don't know!
Oh, Norman.
Oh, God.
Well, don't you want
to say good-bye to the lake?
Do you think
you're strong enough?
Yeah, I think so.
If I fall over face-first
in the water...
you'll know I wasn't.
Now take it easy,
for God's sake.
I'm only good for
one near miss a day.
- Hello there.
- Hi.
Want to dance?
Or would you rather
just suck face?
Oh, Norman,
you really are a case, you know.
Ethel, listen.
The loons...
they've come around
to say good-bye.
Just the two of them now.
Their baby's all grown up...
and moved to Los Angeles
or somewhere.