Voila! Finally, the PCU
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring
Jeremy Piven and Jon Favreau. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of PCU. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
[Man On P.A.]This is... This is something, man.This is our generation, man. We'reall together, man, and it's groovy.Dig yourselves,'cause it's really groovy.Hello?
****[Rock, Faint]
****[Continues]
** [Continues]
[Hockey Player Grunts]
Oh, yeah! Whoa!
****[Continues]
- ** [Stops]
- Aww!
- Shit. Fuse box again.
I got it last time.
- I know.
- [All Chattering]
- Um...
- [Boys Grunting]
- Excuse me.Excuse me. Is, uh,James Andrews around?
What are you, a narc?
No, no, I-I'm a pre-frosh.
I'm just looking for, uh, James Andrews.
Heads up!
James Andrews... Oh, Droz.
He's in the hall, room two.
Yeah, um... D... Wh...
The basement.
- Face-off!
- Come on. Follow me.
- [Puck Slapping]
- [Boys Grunting]
[Grunting, Groaning]
End of the hall.
[Clears Throat]
Go ahead.
Last door on the left.
Hello?
- Uh...
- [Snoring]
James?
[Snoring Continues]
Uh, excuse me.
Ooh.
- Uh...
- [Snoring Continues]
Uh...
- [Gasps]
- Coffee.
Coffee now!
Uh... Aah!
There.
All right, what do you need?
Bottle rockets? Dental dams? Reddi-wips?
Term papers.
Uh, actually, no.
No, I'm Tom Lawrence. I'm a pre-frosh.
Uh, I'm just up here
a-at Port Chester just...
just to see
if I want to go here.
What am I,
a stop on the tour?
Actually, a-a-admissions
arranged for me to, uh...
t-to spend the night
at y-your frat.
Gee, Scooter,
frats were banned in the ' s.
They were?
Let me see that.
I don't believe this.
I've been pimped by admissions.
- Okay. Want some advice?
- Well, yeah...
Here's all you need to know.
Classes: Nothing before : .
Beer: It's your best friend,
you drink a lot of it.
- Women? You're a freshman, so it's
out of the question. We have a car?
- No.
Someone on your hall will.
Make friends with them on
the first day. Anything else?
Yeah, um...
Look, uh,
can anyone just, um...
live in these big houses
with... with girls?
Times have changed
in the past years, Tomás.
We no longer swill sherry
and screw goats for fun anymore.
I'd love to tell you
all about it, but...
I'd love to tell you
all about it, but...
- Should I just leave
my stuff in your room?
- Uh, no.
Look, I'd like to help you, but we're
cutting in on my nap time as it is.
But the good news is, I got
just the guy for the job.
- ** [Heavy Metal]
- Yo, Gut, what's up, baby?
- What's up, Droz?
- Aaaaah!
- Got any smokes, baby?
- No, man. Last one.
Listen, Tom-man...
- ****[Volume Down]
- Tom-man here's a pre-frosh.
- I told him you'd show him around.
- Hi.
- No can do.
- Whoa, Gut. Can't or won't?
Can't, man.
It's grunge night at Vienna House.
The Merkins are opening
for Frog And Toad Are Friends.
I gotta psych up for the show.
Frog And Toad Are Friends. That's with
the guy from the Clash, right?
- The...
- The Clash.
I don't know if you're aware,but there actually was musicrecorded before .
What is this? You're gonna
wear this to the show?
You're gonna wear the shirt
of the band you're gonna go see?
Don't be that guy.
Hey! Hey, hey. What's up,
my brothers? Here we go.
- [Both Chattering]
- Just a quick moment...
That's all right.
- Mullaney.
- Yeah, what's up?
- Is this a pre-frosh?
- Yes.
And you're showing him
around the campus? That's really swell.
Make sure he gives you
the special bicentennial tour...
years of bullshit.
- You little bitch.
- Yeah? Now we're even
for the Milk-Bones.
You signed me up
as a weekend host.
- You swing bag.
- Sucker!
- Milk-Bones?
- Spring break.
I filled his suitcase with dog biscuits
coming back from Jamaica.
- Hmm?
- Drug-sniffing dogs went ape-shit.
I got one more idea.
- [Tires Screeching]
- Pigman.
- Pigman!
- What's he doing?
He's finishing
his senior thesis.
Pigman is trying to prove
the Caine-Hackman theory.
No matter what time it is,you can find a Michael Caineor a Gene Hackman movie on TV.
- Wait, that's his thesis?
- Yes!
That's the beauty of college
these days, Tommy.
You can major in Game Boy if you know
how to bullshit. Have a seat.
There's the TV.
Pigman's got you covered.
Call me for the shower scene
in Dressed to Kill.
Uh...
[Sighs]
What?
Did I tell you
that I'm from Delaware?
Really?
Well, I mean,
I just spent s-six hou...
six hours on a public busjust to come to Port Chester...
to decide
if I want to come here.
So maybe I should see the campus
or a pep rally or a tailgate party or...
Okay, okay, I...
I've got it.
Here's the deal.
You gotta get all this ' s
cornball shit out of your head.
It's a whole new ball game on campus
these days, and they call it P.C.
- "P.C."?
- Politically correct.
[Droz] And it's not just politics...
it's everything.
It's what you eat, it's what you wear
and it's what you say.
If you don't watch yourself,
you can get in a butt-load
of trouble. For instance...
If you don't watch yourself,
you can get in a butt-load
of trouble. For instance...
- [Droz] See these girls?
- Yeah.
No, those are women. Call 'em girls,
and they'll pop your figs.
- Save the whales!
- Gays in the military now!
- Free Nelson Mandela!
- They freed him already.
What?
Those women?
Those aren't women, Tom.
Those are "womynists."
You know, I saw
the new Madonna video last night.
[Snickers]
Un-frickin-believable.
See the one in the middle,
the one with the blonde hair?
- [Tom] Yeah.
- She's looking at me, isn't she?
Kinda. Do you know her
or something?
Hey, Sam, isn't that the guy
that you used to, uh...
Yeah.
- You went out with a white male?
- I was a freshman!
- Freshperson, please.
- Please.
- Go talk to her. What's the problem?
- Watch this.
He's coming over here.
Sisters, form a wall!
- [Whistle Blows]
- [Sam] No, you don't have to do that.
Wow. Hi.
How you doin'?
Uh, is Sam in there?
"In there"? What's that
supposed to mean?
Yeah,
cock man oppressor.
Uh, thank you.
Maybe one of you could just
tell her that Mr. Pokey stopped by.
Okay.
What the hell was that?
"Mr. Pokey"?
I think he meant
his, uh, phallus.
You participated
in a phallus naming?
No. No.
I have no idea...
You stay away from him, Sam.
He's an animal.
You know, this place
is kinda insane.
Wait till you meet
the causeheads.
The what?
- What don't we eat?
- [Crowd] Red meat.!
- Why don't we eat it?
- It's murder!
- What don't we eat?
- Red meat!
Why don't we eat it?
These, Tom,
are your causeheads.
They find a world-threatening issue
and stick with it... for about a week.
What's up?
What happened to the ozone layer?
That was last week.
Now it's meat.
Grill's serving up chili burgers, but
they're not letting anyone in or out.
I love chili burgers.
What about you, Daves?
- [Both] Yeah.
- Let's do lunch.
- [Woman] What don't we eat?
- All right.
- Red meat!
- Why don't we eat it?
- It's murder!
- What don't we eat?
- [Crowd] Red meat.!
- Why don't we eat it?
- It's murder.!
- What don't we eat?
- [Mooing]
- Red meat.!
- Don't eat us!
- It's murder!
- Remember, cows are our friends.
- What don't we eat?
- Red meat.!
- Why don't we eat it?
- It's murder.!
The charred flesh
served in this cafeteria...
- Oops. Paint.
- [Gasping]
[Cheering, Laughing]
Horse butt.
And the nontoxic paint
we've just thrown on you...
- Moonbeam, I like your style.
- Like blood from the scorched
flesh of innocent creatures...
Go. Go. In. In.
Wha... Wha...
[Moonbeam Continues,Faint]
You may be saying
to yourselves...
what of the hungry studentsof this university?And were to havepenned them in a pen...with the use of their legs and handscompletely doomed...then they would understandthe plight of the veal calf.Now I say to you...
- every student on this campus...
- [Feedback]
Were to starve...
- it would be worth the lifeof a cow or a calf...
- [Mooing]
Yum.
Hopefully this will not come to pass,but if it were...who is to say that the lifeof a six- month- old...
- [Crowd Cheering, Murmuring]
- No!
- What the hell?
- Hey!
- Ha ha!
- Ow!
Hey!
[Moonbeam]Stand your ground.!Stand your ground.!
- [Giggles]
- [Moonbeam Continues, Indistinct][Crowd Screaming]
Now.
[Grunting]
Here's lunch!
- [Moonbeam Continues, Indistinct]
- [Screaming Continues]
- [Droz] Nicely done, gentlemen.
- Now what?
Now we run.
[Yelling, Chattering]
[Yelling Continues]
[Laughing]
Dave.!Dave?[Man] And the wallsare painted white...and the chalk is white...
and even
the copy machine paper is white.
Excuse me.
- This, my friend,
is the white devil's conspiracy.
- Meat-tosser!
Stop the violator!
Huh?
Ohhh!
[Yelling]
[Shouting, Screaming]
"Level of insensitivity."
"C"...unconscionable.
"Offended."
Oh, thank God.
President Garcia-Thompson.
Students, fill out those forms
and don't skip a line.
- It was those persons in the Pit again.
- I know, Moonbeam.
Those Pit offenders are
single-handedly destroying...
the sensitivity levels
on this campus.
- But...
- Of course I can't simply
throw them out of school.
After all, they're still complaints
away from expulsion.
Don't worry.
Their day will come.
Um, Ms. President?
There's some preppy person
in your office.
Madras ties.
Sweet.
McPherson,
what the hell are you doing?
Ooh, pretty outfit.
Real summery.
What is that, Dacron?
How many times have I told you
not to meet me here?
- I have a reputation to uphold.
- Don't run from your feelings.
I think it's time people
know the truth about us.
The truth, McPherson,
is that you disgust me.
The only thing we'll ever
have in common is a hatred of the Pit.
Just give it time.
The information,
Republican.
Signed, sealed and...
snatched rudely...
what a surprise.
Perfect. I'll bring it
to the Pit immediately.
And we'll call
the movers.
- Hey, Jack!
- [Gasps]
Floor's closed unless
you're working on a thesis.
You working on a thesis?
Uh, no, no, I'm lost. I'm just
trying to get back to the Pit.
Well...
[Coughs]
Don't get your balls
in an uproar.
Just follow me.
[Typing On Keyboards,
Beeping]
Get your feet
off the desk!
Uh, what's
everybody doing?
Finishing their theses, fuzzhead.
They're due Monday morning.
- Now, there's the door.
- Oh, thanks.
Whoa!
[Groans]
[Grunts]
Damn it.
What?
[Shouting, Yelling]
Hey, Cecilia,you gonna be free tonight?
- Why?
- You wanna have dinner?
- With us?
- What, like a date?
Yeah.
- Oh, God.
- Whoa!
Katy, I was thinking, when we start
that song it's gotta be a lot faster.
- You mean like this?
- ** [Riff]
- Man, you're in my chair. Get out.
- Ow. Ow. Oww!
Remember to make mine
extra crispy, Gut.
Yeah, be careful, man.
I like it rare, not cold.
I got ya.
So this is the sewer
where you persons breed
your anti-community crimes.
Hello, Mrs. Garc...
President
Garcia-Thompson.
Hey, monkeys,how about a little respect?
The presiding person of the university
just walked in.
** ["Hail To The Chief"]
Stop that.
Turn that noise pollution down.
- ** [Stops]
- [Laughing, Chattering]
Please put out
that cigarette right now.
Oh. All right.
Do I need to remind youthat this house alreadyhas enough complaints...
to qualify for
a sensitivity awareness weekend?
You passed out cigarettes for
a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day...
you installed speed bumps
on the handicapped ramps...
and most recently you dumpeda hundred pounds of...meat on a peaceful
vegan protest.
That was way more
than a hundred pounds.
- Very amusing, Mr. Andrews.
- Thanks.
- [Laughing]
- Here's something you won'tfind quite so funny.
This, offenders,
is your damage bill for the semester.
The total comes to
$ .
Housing forms for next yearare due Monday...
and if that bill isn't paid,
this house will be repossessed.
- What?
- You can't be serious, right?
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have a bicentennial to plan.
- [Mullaney] She's serious?
- [Cecilia] This sucks.
- [Gut] Ma'am, can... Ma'am, hello?
- [Kissing Sounds]
- Seven thou?
- We're in deep shit, huh?
- Where are we gonna live?
- It's, like, three weeks
before school ends.
Ladies and gentlemen, I think it's time
to revive an ancient tradition...
we seem to have
long forgotten.
They confiscated
the altar, Droz.
No, I'm not talking
about human sacrifice, Ceel.
I'm talking about something we
used to do every Saturday night
as a matter of principle.
Here's a hint.
Legions of
hand-stamped meatheads...
and coed naked
lacrosse T-shirts...
power-chugging
watered-down Meisterchau...
regurgitatingon the glue- matted floors.
Kiln-like temperatures,
fights with townies...
lines of drunken people
waiting for the bathroom.
Wait a second. You guys
are talking about a party.
Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.
Gutter, tell her what's she's won.
We get some beer,we have a band...
and we overcharge
at the door.
Droz, there's no way.
We'd need an all-campus party
to raise enough money.
No one's been able
to pull that off in years.
- You know what happens.
Half the school protests.
- The other half boycotts.
Yeah, and even if
we could get them all here,
it'd be a total P.C. war zone.
Well, there is one other option.
We get jobs.
- I vote party.
- I can't handle a job, man.
Sounds good.
What do you want us to do?
So, uh,
who's on beer?
Uh, well, that would
roughly be you, Gut.
I suggest kegs...
multiple, cold and domestic.
I have to meet Mersh in Jerrytown
for my ride to the show.
Okay, well, you call those useless
Frisbee-chucking cheeba-monkeys...
and tell 'em you're
gonna be an hour late.
Ceel, Katy, Raj and Deege,
your band will play.
- Oh, sweetJesus!
- Droz, we don't even have a name.
Get a name, give it to the Daves,
they'll put up the flyers.
- On it.
- Pigman.
- Huh?
- Stay put.
We charge five bucks a head.
MasterCard and Visa accepted.
Droz, what happened
to that cute preppy kid?
Who?
The pre-frosh.
That's a good question.
[Shouting,Yelling Continue]
[Panting]
[Shouting, Yelling Continue,Becoming Louder][Girl]Over here.!
Hey! Get him!
What's up, Mersh?
Gutter. [Sniffs]What's up, bud?
Tried to call you guys, like,
six times, man. What's the deal?
- [Chuckles]
- [Laughing]
Listen, Mersh, uh, I gottaget beer for this party tonight...
so I'm gonna be a little late
for my ride to Hartford.
Oh, sorry, Gut man.
No can do.
[Chuckles]
The grand master of funk...
descends on the civvy at : man,
and we will be there.
Mersh, you hate punk.
Funk, Gutter.
Funk.George Clinton.[Laughing]Parliament Funkadelic.
Dude!
Aren't you a music major?
Yeah.
[All Laughing]
Maybe you guys could just give
me a lift to the liquor store then.
We got intramural finals
this afternoon, man. Sorry.
Well, what am I
supposed to do?
Have a bong hit.
[Gut] What goodis that gonna do me?
Just one little binger
to brighten up your day.
Just one little binger
to brighten up your day.
Come on, man.[Laughs]
Just one hit.
Then I gotta go.
[Man # ]Look at the stitching.
- It's gotta be L.L. Bean.
- [Man # ] Yes.[Man # ]But can he be trusted?[Man # ]Look at his tie.
His complexion.
He's definitely
one of us.
[Exhales]
W-W... Where am I?
You're safe now.Allow me.Carter Prescott, pledge masterof the secret fraternityof Balls and Shaft.
Tom Lawrence,
pre-frosh.
Bantam Draper.
Um, so this is a frat?
The school outlawed fraternities
in Tom...
and Balls and Shaft was
forced to go underground.
We lost our house, now the
detestable sore known as the Pit.
Since then,our numbers have dwindled...but we're always on the lookoutfor new members.
- You guys used to be in the Pit?
- I know. It's sad.
The swine in there,
they're dirty, stupid.
Worst of all? Poor.
- [Knocking On Door]
- I'll get it.
America's
greatest president?
- It's me, Rand. Open up.
- America's greatest president?
Damn it!
Who is Ronald Reagan?
- A casual shoe for yachting.
- What are you trying
to figure out, B.D.?
Who could I be?
[Sighs]
- What is a blucher?
- They killed Jesus Christ.
Who are theJews?
Open up, sucko!
Gentlemen! I got some good news,
and I got some bad news.
The bad news is...
you're an idiot.
Don't ever make me
wait outside that door.
The good news is, Thompson
just delivered the information.
By now the Pit will have
started planning their little soiree.
About that, Rand...
What if their party does come off?
Does anyone get
what I'm doing here?
Does anyone follow me?
We want them to have
a party, steak head.
We want them to have theloudest, most offensive partyin school history. Capisce?
[Sighs]
Hi!
Well, well, I see we have a new pledge.
Mayflower material, I presume?
- Huh?
- It's a boat.
Your ancestors obviously
didn't come over on it.
But, hey, it's the ' s.
We'll take what we can get.
Gentlemen,
we got a job to do.
[Crash]
Naugahyde Windpipe.
Too metal.
Oedipus
and the Mama's Boys.
Too college radio.
MyJohnson Is Inches Long.
Interesting, but it doesn'tsound like a band name.
I've got it...
Everyone Gets Laid.
Katy, the womynists will be
all over us for that one.
Ow.
What do you think about this?
Tonight at the Pit, Everyone Gets Laid.
Mmm, that's tasteless,
disgusting and offensive.
I like it.
[Cecilia]Cool.
- [Droz] Daves, go make those flyers.
- Hey!
- What are you guys doing?
- Us?
Oh, we're seniors.We're going to the game.
- Outside!
- Whoo!
[Both Groaning]
- Hey!
- Remove that nail, butcher.
- What's your deal?
- I just heard that tree shriek.
How would you like it if I nailed
a sign into a layer of your fat?
Try it again,
and you're toast.
Save the planet. Peace.
This is a total drag.
Just give up, man.
Well, what do we
have here?
****[Up- tempo Rock]
- ****[Continues]
- Let's go! Whoo!
- [Crowd Chattering, Shouting]
- Yeah! Look at him go!
- Ooh!
- Whoa- ho.!
- Oh, my good, good God.
- Murder!
- [Droz] She's got a little stiff arm.
[Yelling]
- Oh, wow, man!
- Punk.
- Hot shit!
- ****[Continues]
Yo, isn't that your old
freshman roommate?
Oh. Yeah.
Randall "Pee- burn"McPherson.I wonder what brought himout ofhiding.
Must be
a Klan meeting.
- Yeah.
- Damn, look at 'em.
Must have been hellish
living with that guy for a year.
[Girl Giggling]
[Girl Moaning]
- [McPherson Clearing Throat]
- [Droz Laughing]
[Continues Clearing Throat]
[Girl]
Hey, wait, come back!
Oh, come on!
Go to sleep! Go to sleep!
It's time to go to sleep!
Oh, my God!
- [Shrieking]
- [Shrieking]
Get away from me,
you freak!
- You freak! [Wailing]
- [Shrieking Continues]
Stay on your side!
A total nightmare, man.
What the hell
is takin' so long?
[Whispering]
[All]
Swirly!
[All Laughing, Hooting]
Pride of the Port Chester
sports program, Tom.
Hippie Olympics.
Doesn't matter who wins,
'cause they're all losers.
You know,it's sad, really.
This school used to be
a bastion of rich, white elitism.
And now... now they let
homosexuals on the football team.
Whining minoritiesrun the student government.
And you can't even
coerce a woman into having sex...
without being
brought up on charges.
What is this world
coming to? Really?
[McPherson]Come on. Let's go.My pappy'd puke ifhe sawthis bunch ofbug- eyed toads...chasing a scrapof plastic around.Hey, ponytails.!You suck.!
Hi.
[Chuckles Nervously]
We're gettin' housed here,
guys.
I say we bring in
Blotter.
- Whoa!
- [Together] Blotter.
[Hippies, Dreamily]Yeah.[Chuckling]
- [Loud Whistle]
- [Barks]
****[Rock Resumes]
- [Chattering, Shouting]
- Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
Yeah, Blotter! [Laughing]
You're just buggin' me!
Uh-oh. This is me.
I'm going in, coach.
- Cover me, man.
- Yeah, yeah, whatever.
****[Ends]
Sam? Hey! Wow.
What are the odds?
Droz.
Two times in one day.
- What's come over you?
- I don't know. Must be hormonal.
[Womynist]What the hell is he doing here?
Afternoon, ladies.
Looking good out there.
- Yeah, whatever.
- Jerk.
They're not gonna castrate me
for sitting here, are they?
Yeah. That's what they got
planned for halftime.
- [Gasps]
- Ohh!
Now look who it is.
- Meat-tosser!
- [Whining]
[Shouting, Yelling]
[Tom Screaming]
Jesus Christ. [Chuckling]
I know that kid.
What is he doing?
- I'm open!
- Aaah!
Ohhhh!
- Hey!
- [Shouting, Yelling]
That weasel
snagged the "bee."
[Chuckles]
All right.
Bong hits, anyone?
- [Laughs]
- All right.
So, I heard you're
finally graduating.
Yeah, yeah.
It's pretty stupid, huh?
I mean, how could I
leave all this?
What about you?
You got any plans?
- James Andrews, my old friend.
- Hey, Rand.
Samantha, my buttercup.
I hear you're having
a party tonight.
Can't go.
But we're all taking bets on how many
of you will get arrested.
You remember this guy. He skippered
Hitler's catamaran during the war.
Yuck it up now, dipshit.
Your nightmare's just beginning.
I think the womynists
will be quite interested
in your little scribblings.
Oh, yeah.
That's where I'm headed.
Samantha,
always a pleasure.
See ya.
[Sighs]
Gentlemen.
Ladies?
A Pit party?
Mmm.
Warm, flat beer.
- [Exclaiming]
- Soggy chips. Think about that.
That's just what I need
to help me figure out my life.
Stop the penis party!
Get away from him!
- Come on, Sam!
- Let's go.
- Hey, Sam, what about tonight?
- Don't talk to him!
Shit.
Whoo-hoo! Yea!
[Tires Screech,
Horn Honks]
[Tires Screech,
Horn Honks]
Hey, watch it,you schmuck.!
Get the beer.
Get the beer.
Get the beer.
Get the beer.
[Whispers]
Okay.
Excuse me. Can you blow me
where the Pampers is?
What?
Can you blow me
where the Pampers is?
[Whines]
Can you show me...
where the campus is?
Yeah, sure.
She knows.
She knows.
She knows.
Okay, just...
just go here for a minute.
I shouldn't
have smoked that.
I just, uh,
want to pay tribute...
to, uh, both
your courage...
and for your,
your eloquence...
and for the dignity...
in which you'veconducted yourself.
Thank you, Senator.
It knew it was going to be bad
when I was nominated.
I did not know
it would be this bad.
Could you have guessedthat some people...
including people
on this committee...
would dredge up storiesabout drug use?
Wh... Wh...
W- Wait a second, gentlemenof the courtroom.
[Laughing]
This guy... is Gutter, man.
[Hippie]The Gut man.[Mersh] He comes over, man,smokes two major bong loads.
He knows how to carve
and everything!
[Hippie] Loads the sizeof your head, man.
I... I didn't exhale?
- Works for me! Good answer!
- Whoo!
- [Coughs]
- [Gavel Bangs]
[Whining]
Oh, man,
what a nightmare.
[Sighs]
Oh, man.
[Panting]
Oh, shit, the beer!
Oh, shit!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
[Chattering][Chattering][Garcia- Thompson]I think Bisexual Asian Studiesshould have its own building.
The question is,
who goes?
The math department
or the hockey team?
- Excuse me. Andrea, the members...
- It's Andréa.
I think hockey.
Call me about it.
The board of trustees
is very concerned...
about the state of unrest
among the students.
There has been a protest
on this campus every day...
and frankly, we're sick
of all the bad publicity.
Oh, really?
We're particularly concernedabout tomorrow's bicentennial.It will be the most highly attendedalumni event in years.
Gentlemen, relax. Tomorrow's ceremony
has been planned to perfection.
And as for the students,
I have a special surprise for them.
What are you
talking about?
I'm going to announce the changing
of the school mascot...
from the offensive
Port Chester Indian...
to an endangered specie.
Gentlemen,
meet our new mascot...
the Port Chester
Whooping Crane.
[Chittering]
No! Wait! No!
Look, jerky,
no liquor sold after : .
Connecticut
blue laws.
After : ? Aft...
I missed my ride to the show!
Hey, look.
It's a college boy.
- Anybody wanna beat him up?
- [All Laughing]
Nice tie.!
This totally bites.
This totally bites.
The first time we've ever
been asked to play in public,
and there's no public.
The Yankees
are back in town...
Fuse box.
Aaaah!
Pins and needles!
[Groans]Pins and needles.
Pins and needles.
[Grunting]
[Continues
Groaning]
You guys,
you knocked the plug out. Hello!
[Daves Together]
Hey, Raj.
- Hey, Daves,
what happened to the flyers?
- Huh?
The flyers. I haven't
seen one up on campus.
- We put one up.
- Damn, man!
- Great.
- One flyer?
- We're screwed.
There is one thing
we can still do.
- Play some loud and abusive tunes?
- Exactly.
Do it.
Plug my ass in.
Yeah.
[Both Giggling]
[Whispers]
Yeah.
Play Metallica
and they will come.
We should have handled
our own publicity.
[Moaning]
[Groaning Softly]
[Murmuring, Chattering]
[Sighs]
Whew.
[Man]Whooping cranes.
Garcia-Thompson's
making sandwiches without bread.
That bitch
is giving me gout.
Oh, just be patient,
Cordeau.
The way she's going,she'll hang herself.[Cordeau] I'll buy the rope.You find the tree.
Just one man talking...
but I don't get
this wholeJames Bond Rasta...
I wanna know how this
became about me all of the sudden.
- [Yelling, Cheering]
- This is a miracle.
The monkeys
pulled it off.
[Yelling, CheeringContinue]
- What the hell's going on here?
- Hi, Droz.
Uh, are we having a party tonight,
or what?
Well, there's no publicity,
so there's no people.
Gutter never showed up,
so there's no beer.
Our instruments just blew out,
so there's no band,
and Raji and Deege may be dead.
Wait a minute.
No beer?
Where the hell's Gutter?
Probably in a parking lot somewhere
picking his nose.
- Well, there's one consolation.
- What's that?
We haven't
been protested yet.
Does anybody know whythere are womynistsbeating bongos on our lawn?
Stop the style of oppression
that this house...
- What?
- Let's check it out.
- Yeah, man.
- Comin' through. Comin' through.
- [Womynists Shouting]
- All right.
Deadly Zulu drum protest.
Haven't seen one of those
since my third sophomore year.
- [Cecilia] Full- on response.
- [Dave # ]I wish the balls weren't dead.
You try and spread joy...
and then
the P.C. shock troops...
just shut you down.
Don't they want to have a good time
at least once in their lives?
[Shouting Continues]
That's
a damn good point.
Okay, now, it's true...
the majority of students today
are so cravenly P. C...
they wouldn't know a good time
if it was sitting on their face.
But there is one thing that will
always unite us and them.
They're young!
They may not realize it yet...
but they've got
the same raging hormones...
the same self-destructive desire
to get boldly trashed...
and wildly out of control.
Look out that window.
That's not a protest.
That is a cry for help.
Stop the penis party!
Stop the penis party!
They're begging us.
"Please have a party! Feed us drinks!
Get us laid!"
[Droz Screams]
That's a pretty strange
theory, Droz.
Yeah. Besides, we don't
have a band or any people, man.
- We don't have...
- [Together] Any beer!
We've got loose keg sightings
near the freshman dorm.
Two cases of zinfandel
spotted near the faculty club.
And here, the mother lode...
the bicentennial ball.
- Moles, you're on the air in .
- Got it.
Ceel, you're on bongos.Me, Dave and Dave are on beer.Katy?You're a freshman.
Find people.
Hey.! Hey.!
It's about time the university
embraced multiculturalism.
- [McPherson] Hey.!
- It really is.
- Excuse me.
- Of course.
- Uh-huh.
[Man]
What was that all about?
What is the
complaint count now?
- [Woman] Hello, Andréa.
- [Man] Nice to see you.
Only three
this afternoon.
But my community crisis
bulletin just went out. Okay?
Well, don't worry, my fair maiden.
We will get our quota.
And by the way, have you seen
their tasteless flyer?
[Gasps]
Oh, my God.
Is there no limit?
Well...
what I figure they did
was...
they cut out a picture
of your head and pasted it
on another, different picture.
I've done a little
collage work myself.
B.D.,
do me a favor...
and don't ever talk.
[Horn Blares]
****[Hip- Hop]
Hey, kid.
You know how to
get back to I- ?
Where you going?
Hartford?
Yeah, man, we got a concert.
We should've been there at : .
I know. The Merkins
and Frog and Toad.
- What?
- The bad news is...
the is a half hour away...
and then Hartford's
another minutes on the freeway.
We should've followed
the other bus.
We'll never make it now.
We might as well go home.
- Yo, dread.
- Yeah, what's up?
Since you missed the show,
you think you could give me
a ride back to my house?
- Yeah, come on. Get on.
- All right, shotgun.
Which one's Rand's?
The cherry Beemer.
Thanks, Dad.
I can wire it.
Can you get us in?
It might take
a little time, but...
yeah, I think so.
- ****[Funk]
- That was George Clinton on WPCUwith "Tear the Roof Off. "Clinton's headliningthe Civic tonight...
but you can't afford
a ticket, man... sorry.
- ** [Continues]
- Moles, how's it goin' brother?
- Great show, man.
- Thanks, man.
Not really.
Listen, I got a favor to ask.
Well, that's good thinkin'.
Oh. Ooh. Eek.
Ow...
Ow...
Toss 'em in back.
[Grunts]
- Sun roof. All right.
- [Laughs]
- Rand's gonna piss his pants
when he sees his car.
- You think so?
- ****[Continues]
- Good evening.
We interrupt this broadcast
for a special announcement.
[Mullaney On Radio]Are you just sitting aroundyour dorm rooms...playing cardsand eating pizza?Is this the way you spent the majorityof your four years in college?Would you like tonight to be different?You just don't have any place to go?
Well, now you do! So turn off
your radios and head on over.
Tonight, : p.m. at the Pit,Everyone Gets Laid.
- ****[Continues]
- [Shouting, Chattering]
- Yeah!
- [Shouting, Laughing]
[Sighs]
K-Katy?
Katy!
It's the pre-frosh.
Stay.
Hi. We were wondering
what happened to you. Where you going?
Uh, I'm...
I'm gonna go home.
You're leaving?
You... You've only been here,
like, minutes.
I know, but I've already managed
to piss off the entire campus.
No offense, Katy,
but this place is a nightmare.
I'm probably just gonna
wind up at State.
[Sighs] Yeah, well, we're all gonna be
boring our butts off at State...
if I don't find, like,
a thousand people, pronto.
- What do you mean?
- We gotta raise seven G's by
tomorrow, or we lose the house.
- The Pit?
- Yeah.
Damage bill came in.
We're trying to pull off this
all-campus rage, and I gotta get people.
All I got are these
foreign exchange students.
- It's looking pretty grim.
- I can't believe this.
I mean, you're the only ones
that haven't tried to kill me
since I got here.
Yeah, but...
you're probably not gonna be
coming here anyway, so...
don't sweat it.
[Horn Honks]
Um, your ride's here.
It was nice knowing you.
Katy!
You said you needed
people, right?
[Droz]Am I okay on that side?
No, no, no...
That's good.
- ****[Piano]
- [Guests Chattering]
Hey. Hey!
I'll take care of ape man.
You grab the bar.
Hey there, B.D.!
Andrews.
You're not supposed to be here.
Hey, that is one great tie.
Is that yours, or did you borrow it?
- It's mine.
- Really? That is amazing.
I've been looking
for something just like this.
What are those, little snails?
- They're jockeys.
- Really?
'Cause, uh,they look like snails.
Listen, uh, what kind
of beer do you got?
- Uh, well, we don't have...
- On second thought, what am I doing?
I'm driving.
Make it a scotch.
- What?
- You're right.
You're a good friend, B.D.
You saved my life.
I mean that. You're a hell of a guy.
I'm never gonna forget this.
Pardon me.
Excuse me.
There's a very interesting
studies group...
** [CD: Piano Stops]
A vodka tonic,please.[Droz]Ninety- nine. Repeat.
****["Afternoon Delight, "Loud]
The last time I saw them,
they were over here.
[Murmuring, Chattering]
Brothers, I saw him
at the cafeteria this morning.
- He was recruitin' for the C.I.A.
- C.I.A.?
I heard he injected
all the meat with hormones
before throwing it off the roof.
He is wearing brown shoeswith a blue blazer.
- I mean, can you believe it?
- Eeew.!
- What are they so pissed off at?
- Watch this.
Hey, butt-licks!
- Remember me?
- Jesus Christ, Tom!
[Shouting, Yelling]
- Ha-ha! Let's go!
- Oh, shit!
[All Chanting]
This penis party's got to go!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
This penis party's
got to go!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
This penis party's
got to go!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
This penis party's
got to go!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
This penis party's
got to go!
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
- This penis party's got to go!
- * Kumbaya *
Hey-hey! Ho-ho!
* Kumbaya, my Lord *
[AllJoining In]
* Kumbaya *
- Everybody!
- * Kumbaya, my Lord *
* Kumbaya *
* O Lord, Kumbaya *
- * Kumbaya, my Lord **
- ** [Radio: Heavy Metal]
[Making Engine Noises]
Droz, Droz, what are we
gonna do when we don't
pull this one off, man?
Uh, bake sale?
What's up, Droz?
What's up, Moles?
- You screwed up big time.
- The store was closed.
No, I put my trust in you
to handle the beer,
and you violated that trust.
- Yo, Gutter, gotta go. Where it at?
- Oh, right in there.
What's happenin'?
Listen, don't charge these guys, Moles.
They just gotta use the can.
They're with me.
- Droz, th-that was...
- Do you have any idea who that was?
- They're just using the can.
You made your point.
- That was George Clinton.
- I'm sorry!
- Listen to me. Parliament.
The P-Funk All-Stars.
- Come on. Tell him.
- Dr. Funkenstein?
The man is the king
of interplanetary funk.
- Tell him who it is.
- It's George Clinton.
- The guy with the hair?
- Yeah.
Gut, you're a legend.
Yo! There are no chicks in here.
What did I tell you?
Yo! There are no chicks in here.
What did I tell you?
Yeah, man,
there's not even any chips.
Chips! Chips!
[All Chanting]
Chips! Chips! Chips! Chips!
- [Chanting Continues]
- [Exhales] Oh, hold it.
[Toilet Flushing]
- Man!
- Y'all got to clean that place up.
- [Laughing]
- Gutter, get a mop.
Listen, uh, we couldn't help but notice
that you're George Clinton.
- Yeah?
- Listen, George,
we've had a real bad day.
The president of the university
has been spanking us
with a seven-grand damage bill.
We were gonna rob a -Eleven.
We don't have enough ski masks.
So what are we gonna do?
We're gonna throw an all-campus rocker.
The only problem is,
we don't have the artillery.
Please, what you want from me?
What you tryin' to say?
- We were hoping
you could play our party.
- What?
Can't nobody make no face
that ugly and not be serious.
[Chuckles]
We'll do it, man. Jesus.
Gut, get the band off the bus.
Put the whole band in here.
Just tell everybody
to come on out.
- That's so great, man.
I'm gonna be right back.
- Yeah, man, I got ya.
Boy, y'all goin' overboard
with this black awareness.
That boy got a rap.
Well,
it's equal opportunity.
- Chips! Chips! Chips! Chips!
- Fellas, I got...
- Fellas!
- [Chanting Stops]
Chuck, Porterhouse, Rib-Eye,
I know exactly how you guys are feeling.
In fact, I can think of only one thing
that could lift my spirits right now.
- Beer.
- Beer.
[All Chanting]
Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer!
Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer!
- I think I'm missing a piece.
- Yeah, me too, man.
Let's give up, huh?
Guys, guys, we've got an L.A. -sized riot
of thirsty men with no necks...
screaming for brew.
[All Shouting]
Yeah!
- Back up!
- Get away!
** [Tuning]
Yeah, that's close enough
for funk, baby.
Thanks, but I think I know
how to tune my ax...
- Yeah, I'll bet you do.
- Oh, my God. George Clinton.
- Woof!
- Hi.
Just the dog in me,
baby.
Oh, shit! Hi!
- Why don't you play me a song?
Go ahead, girl.
- Uh...
** [Dramatic]
Pig, gotta change your P.J.'s.
We're having a party.
[Whispers]
Shower scene.
Oh.
Droz.
- Droz!
- Yeah?
I don't wanna burst your bubble,
but we got a slight problem.
- What?
- No guests.
[Chattering]
How you doin'?
Hey, what up?
[Chattering Continues]
- [Shouting, Yelling]
- Yeah, that's right, man.All right, sit down.!Okay.! Okay.!
Hold on a second,
everyone.
I understand
you all met Tom.
- Yeah, yeah, I fucking met Tom!
- He snagged our disk!
I know, and he's
gonna pay for it.
Moles, take him downstairs
and beat the shit out of him.
- Yeah!
- Sorry, kid. You heard the man.
- No, no, not that!
- Okay, justice has
been served, everybody.
- You can go home.
- [Shouting, Grumbling]
Wait. If you guys
aren't doing anything tonight,
we've got George Clinton inside.
- [Crowd Exclaiming]
- He's tuning up on the main stage.
- Sounds like another one of
the white man's lies to me.
- [Shouting In Agreement]
****[Funk]
- ****[Continues]
- [Woman] Hey, check it out.
Or maybe not.
Let's check it out.
Hey, wait a minute.
What about us?
Yeah, that little dork tripped on
the main plug and lost all our theses!
Okay, that's no problem.
You guys come with me.
The rest of you, five bucks a head,
the line forms to the left.
Okay, what's your major?
- Um, particle physics.
- Ooh, that's a tough one.
Let me see... Ooh.
"Motion of Helium Atoms
In An Excited State."
Watch out. It's a scorcher.
- Next.
- Uh, Sanskrit.
Sanskrit. You're majoring in
a -year-old dead language.
Yeah.
Okay... Ooh.
Latin.
It's the best I can do.
- Next.
- Phys Ed.
Phys Ed. Okay, you're out of my room.
Seriously. Get out.
- [Microphone Feedback]
- Hello, Port Chester University.
[Hooting, Cheering]
This is...
George Clinton.
George CI-Clinton...
Parliament Funkadelic.
And the Parliament
Funkadelic.
- [Cheering Continues]
- ** [Funk]
All right, man.
- ****[Continues]
- All right, sisters,
we've had a mild setback.
But we've regrouped.
Let's mobilize.
- ****[Continues]
- Isn't this George Clinton?
No. Couldn't be.
It's gotta be a cover band.
He'd never play the Pit.
It does sound like him...
though.
Guys, I think we shouldbag the protest.
- [Gasping, Shrieking]
- What?
But, Sam, their party flyer promotes
the objectification of women.
Maybe.
But they've also got
a really kickin' party going on.
That's great, Sam.
Why don't we just forget about fighting
the phallacracy for a few hours...
and go have
a good time?
- Right?
- Exactly.
****[Continues]
- Excuse me.
- [Woman] Come back.! You can't go.!How can sheleave us?
[Whining]
We're locked in!
[Breathing Heavily]
I'm a black man. There's nojusticefor me here in America.
I should be at the front
of the line.
Yeah, well, I'm gay and subject
to ridicule and discrimination
wherever I go.
Women are oppressed
throughout the world. Give it a rest.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Hey, Moles.
How are we doin'?
Got about a thou here,
plus I got Cecilia on the other door.
What other door?
- Hold it! One or two?
- What?
- One or two?
- [Scoffs] Two.
Four bucks.
Four bucks.
Light a match.
Gutter, take the can, will ya?
Take the can. Two to stand, four to sit.
Hey, hey, hey!
Not so fast, superguy.
- Have a good party.
- Whoo-hoo!
Party everybody!
Look at this unbridled
display of testosterone.
- Makes me sick.
- Do it, man! Go on!
- Hey!
- What's up, babes?
Pack up your rape culture
and take a hike!
- [Laughing]
- You want a brewdog?
We're not interested
in your penis!
Wait. I think he's
offering us a beer.
Um, yes, we would
like... a... beer.
Okay. Gimme a beer!
Gimme a beer!
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
It's, like, if you're nice to them,
they bring you things?
Exactly.
Raji, Deege, get up.
Come on. We got company.
Hey, Droz.
Hey!
You know what, Droz?
- What's up, baby?
- I'm !
- Uh-huh?
- Yeah! I'm up at college
for the weekend!
I'm gettin' wasted at one
of the greatest rages of all time!
- My parents... they're nowhere in sight.
- Nowhere.
T-T-There are women
all around me.
- Right.
- Why the hell am I talkin' to you?
- No idea, baby.
- I don't know!
Do it, big guy!
[Laughing]
Whoa!
- Hey! You made it!
- Yeah! Decent party.
I can't believe
the naked guy showed.
Naked guy!
Excellent butt!
Now it's a party!
- Gangway!
- Hey!
Gutter.!Hey, Gut man.!
- Hey! Gutter!
- What's up, Mersh?
Total nightmare
scenario, man.
We spotted you, like,
minutes in the ride lot.
No show, right?
Discouraged at the Civvy,
and next Clinton bails!
Mersh, you gotta
lay off the pipe, man!
Clinton is playing
right here!
Marvelous!
Whoo!
[Whining]
Move!
[Yells]
Tom!
Tom!
****[Continues]
Hi!
- Hey! Whoa! Hey! What's goin' on?
- What?
Uh, hey, do you want
to go someplace?
****[Vocalizing]
[Grunts]
Ow! Don't!
[Chuckles]
Move it,
you little pervert.
[Straining]
- [Yells]
- [Grunts]
Round up your cohorts,
McPherson.
You're getting
your house back.
Yes!
I have some big news.
Seven thousand... five hundred...
sixty-eight dollars!
The damage money
and to spare!
[Cheering]
- Who wants to break some more shit?
- I do!
- [Man On TV, Indistinct]
- [Gunshots]
** [Vocalizing]
A Bridge Too Far.
Caine and Hackman
in the same movie together!
This is my thesis, man!
This is my closing argument!
I can stop watchin' TV!
Yeah!
Yeah!
[Yelling]
[Roars]
- [Garcia- Thompson] Stop it right now.!
- [Crashes]
Moonbeam, what are
you doing here?
All right, everyone.
You've let these warped nihilists
corrupt you long enough.
- Back to your dorms.
- Funk you very much too.
Let's get the hell
out of here, y'all.
We don't need this shit.Stompin'no more.
- Boo.!
- Party- pooper.
Thanks for tanking the party.
That was real nice.
But I got
some bad news.
We actually raised
enough money...
so we're keeping
the house.
Recognize these, Mr. Andrews?
They're complaint forms.
And between
today's activities...
and tonight's little exercise
in offensiveness...
I can assure you there are more
than enough to kick you all off campus.
All right, boys.
Let's close it down.
I warned you your attitude
was disrupting this campus.
The students have spoken.
You're out of here.
Bye. Thanks for the party,
oppressors.
I've got one question.
If we're movin' out,
who's movin' in?
Hi, everybody.
Hey, what's wrong?
Aw, looks like you guys
went all out tonight.
Raised $ .
Wow!
What's the matter, forehead?
Trying to figure it out?
Well, let's see.
We give you the damage bill.
You, of course,
predictably throw a disgusting party...
all the freaky freakies come out
of the woodwork to protest...
and you're out ofhere.Well, we stilltrashed your Beemer...
you screaming
preppy asshole.
- [Laughing]
- Right.!
That's not my car.
[Alarm Beeps] Warning.You are too close to the vehicle.
Huh.
Now get off my lawn.
Move!
Wait a second. You guyscan't let them just walk inand take the Pit.
We could go Waco on 'em, man.
We could blow up our own house.
Nah, ran out of explosives.
What we need is a plan.
Okay, Garcia-Thompson's
the president.
She's the one that's
kicking you out. Right?
- Yeah.
- What if she wasn't
the president anymore?
Sounds nice in theory. But howare we supposed to pull that one off?
I overheard some
old guys talking.
They wanna get rid ofThompson,
but legally they can't...
not unless she screws something up
really, really big.
****[Marching Band]
Whoo.
Whoo.
I'd like to welcome everyone
to Port Chester's th
anniversary celebration.
Before we get started,please observe...
that your program notes
have been printed on recycled paper.
- Birthdays are a way of
remembering one's history.
- Perfect.
Those homeless people at the Pit
didn't even bother to show.
They're probably grubbin' quarters
at the bus station by now.
Welcome P.C.U.'s
most recent change...
our new school mascot...the Port Chesterwhooping crane.
Hey, guys,
it's a beautiful day, isn't it?
- Oh, God. Not now! [Struggling]
- Hey, what's up?
- [Grunting]
- Threatened by hunters and developers...and those awful plasticsix- pack can holder things.
But here at Port Chester, she will be
closely watched and tended to...
safe from the natural habitatthat is so fraught with danger.
- Oh, my God.
- [Student]I hear they taste like chicken.
- What's he doing?
- Let's give it up
for Andrea Garcia-Thompson...
and her amazing and imprompturare bird show.
The bird show. The amazing bird show.
The wonderful bird show.
- The bird show.!
- [Cheers]
I don't have a lot of time to say thisbut I gotta get something off my chest.
Last night,
my house threw a party...
and I thought that we all
finally got along.
We had a good time.
But we got so many protests,we broke so many rules...
that we got booted
off campus.
You know, it used to be
the administration's job to make rules.
It used to be us against them.
Now it's us against us.
I've been here seven years
and I gotta tell you guys...
what's going on hereis about America.
- Shut up.
- It's about democracy.
It's about the Bill of Rights,
basic cable, call-waiting,
free trips to the salad bar.
It's about everything thatmakes this country great. Our country.!
We can do something
about this.
We can finally say...
that when some people
are having a good time...
and drinking some beers,
throwing some meat...
that we're notgonna protest.
In fact, I promised myself
I wouldn't do this. I'm sorry.
If we couldjust say that,if only to each other...just this one time...
that we're not
gonna protest.
That we're not
gonna protest?
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest!
[Droz]We're not gonna protest.!
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest!
[Chanting]We're not gonna protest.!
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest!
This is not good.
This is really not good.
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest.!
Chant sheets!
Get your chant sheets. Right here.
We got placards here.
Placards here. We got 'em.
Okay, we got placards here.
We got placards for everybody...
We brought our own.
[Chanting Continues]
We're not gonna protest!
We're not gonna protest.!
Ladies and gentlemen,
please take your seats.
Everyone, please,take your seats.
- We're not gonna protest!
- Be quiet.! I'm asking youto be quiet, everyone.Be quiet.!
B.D., get us out of here
before they touch me.
[Whining]
Please take your seats.Be quiet.! I'm...
Thompson, your inability
to control the students...
has convinced us that you are
an ineffective president.
What? What are you
talking about?
You're fired, Thompson.
Dismissed. Booted. Sacked.
History. Shit-canned.
Out of here.
What are you doing?
B.D., go beat up the pre-frosh.
- The little kid?
- He's a Pit spy, Neanderthal.
Kick his ass.
Thanks, guys.
I feel much better now.
Oh, Okay. Thank you.
We're not gonna protest.!
- Gutter is a tool.
- [Crowd] Gutter is a tool.We're not gonna protest.!
Here's to Balls and Shaft!
[Groans]
I scheme for months and
it all gets screwed up because
you can't control the students!
Never send a woman
to do a man's job!
You cocky, pointy-nosed
little Reaganite.
If you hadn't provoked them,
we wouldn't be in this mess.
Excuse me? Reality check here.
Earth to tall bitch.
What is your fault?
This is.
Hey, poor boy, go and have
your parties with all your new friends.
I can see it now,
Andrews.
You and all the knee-jerk,
bleeding heart liberals...
sipping tea and playing patty- cake,and those useless...hippie potheads,those commie- pinko leftists...the bunny huggers,the pillow biters...
Wait. Which ones are
the pillow biters?
The butt-pirates.
And those beastly man-haters.
Tell those chicks
to shave their pits and call me.
Goddamn whiny crybaby minorities.You can keep 'em all.
Rand McPherson,
everybody.
Just remember the : show is
completely different from the : show.
Enjoy the meal.
- Come on! Come on!
- [Whining]
And in light of your valiantactions to save this house...
we all think it's time to take part in
the one tradition left over...
from the dark days
of Balls and Shaft.
Tom Lawrence,
prepare yourself...
for initiation.
Just try to relax.
- Uh, Droz.
- Yeah?
- There's my bus.
- What?
- [Gutter] Oh, man.
- [Horn Honks]
Damn! Well, just gonna
have to get you next year.
[Chuckles]
Don't let him
scare you.
- It's only hurts for a minute.
- Check her out.
Yo, Gut man. Watch the stylings
on the youngster.
Nice.
- I'll see ya.
- [Groaning]
- In the fall.
- Yeah!
- All right, little half- chunk.
- Bye, Tom.
What? You want it?
You want it?
[Katy]
Hey, Cecilia, wait up.
- Am I interrupting anything?
- No. We were just rehearsing.
- The Nutcracker.
- Really?
Yeah, on ice.
Should be pretty decent
once we get Gutter up on skates.
- God, I think I'd actually
pay to see that.
- You would?
Let's get out of here.
You and I. Seriously.
Just hit the road.
Actually, I was thinking more along
the lines of a cup of coffee.
- A cup of coffee?
- Yeah.
Let's do that.
- Hey, let's drive down.
- Indeed, driving for coffee.
We don't have a car.
I do.
For the weekend anyway.
My aunt loaned me
her red BMW convertible.
Really?
****[Rock]
Aah!