Voila! Finally, the Run Fatboy Run script is here for all you fans of the Simon Pegg movie, even though he is not a fat boy, per se. This puppy is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the movie to get the dialogue. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and all that jazz, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. At least you'll have some Run Fatboy Run quotes (or even a monologue or two) to annoy your coworkers with in the meantime, right?
And swing on back to Drew's
Script-O-Rama afterwards -- because reading is good for your noodle. Better than Farmville, anyway.
Run Fatboy Run Script
Holdin' hands at midnight
'neath a starry sky
Nice work if you can get it
And you can get it
if you try
Strollin' with that one girl,
sighin' sigh after sigh
Nice work if you can get it
And you can get it
if you try
Just imagine someone
waitin' at the cottage door
Where two hearts become one
- Who could ask for anything more?
- Mmm!
That looks good enough to eat.
Oh, thank you.
I wasn't talking about the cake.
Oh, Gordon. You're my cousin.
Never stopped
the Royal Family.
You're a very sick man.
Mm. Hi.
- Hi.
- You're yummy.
Oh, Mum, would you take Grandma
over to the church, please?
Yes. Come on, sweetheart.
So, do you wanna go and
tell Dennis that we're ready?
Sure thing.
How's he doing?
Oh, great. Thrilled.
I'm telling you, he's thrilled.
Dennis, it's Gordon.
Are you ready?
Wow! You look great!
So, are you ready?
Um...
- Just...
- OK.
I'm gonna give you a minute
to, uh...
give you a minute.
No, no. I don't want to.
Done want to, ah...
Dennis!
It's time.
Dennis, we have to go.
Dennis!
Dennis!
Where to promise
to love one...
Dennis, we're gonna have a baby.
Dennis.
Dennis?
Who could ask
for anything more?
Aw, shit.
Dennis!
Dennis!
I'm sorry, sorry, sorry
if you're gettin' me wrong
But you're half a world away
with only one sock on
Now you're gettin' too much,
I don't want to play along
'Cause all I really wanted
was a radio song
What is there to say
What is there to say?
In a world so grey?
In a world so grey
Why, oh, why, oh, why
are we singing it anyway?
- Come on!
- 'Cause you think I had
- A wind-up heart
- Stop!
- Then you must have had plastic head
- Come back!
- Did you think I had to play the part?
- Give me a break!
When you copied everyhing
I said?
- When the tide of love is out and the rust begins to show
- Whoo!
You're cryin'
in your sleep
Scared of your shadow
- If you thought this was forever
- Ooh!
- Oh!
- Dear, I'm keeping you in mind
Gotcha. Where is it?
Where's what?
You know what I'm talkin' about!
Ooh! Hey! Hey!
Ooh!
All right!
What do you
think this is, huh?
I've never seen those
before in my life.
Yeah, and you're
a fit, running type.
You bastard.
Don't.
Little shit!
There's nothing to see here,
people.
Ow!
Where's the bra?
What bra?
Whoo!
Come on, fat boy, run!
I'm not fat!
I'm just- I'm unfit.
Go on, then.
Ow!
Yes?
Could you let me in, please,
Mr G?
Who the hell are you?
You- Why are we-
It's Dennis Doyle
from downstairs.
Dennis Doyle from downstairs
is dead...
killed by his landlord.
- Do you know why?
- No.
Failure to pay the rent
in a timely fashion.
Dennis!
Hey, Maya.
Listen, can you tell your dad...
I'm in a bit of a hurry?
- Have you got any money?
- Maya, go inside!
And put something on.
Hello. Hello.
Yes?
Do you know what happened
to that landlord...
after he killed Dennis Doyle
from downstairs?
- No.
- They gave him a medal...
and a nice foot massage.
Hey, Mr Ghoshdashtidar.
Mr Ghoshdashtidar, wait-
Well, how is the old rascal?
I hear it's going to be a party
of special magnificence.
You know Bilbo.
He's got
the whole place in an uproar.
Mm. Ah, well,
that should please him.
Jake, your dad's gonna be here
in a minute.
You ready?
Ready!
All right,
then keep your secrets.
Hey.
- You give me tone
- Hey.
I'll like that
Hey, how is it goin'?
- Oh, yeah.
- All the chrome
Well, I'll like that
Dennis. Yeah, Dennis.
Do you run away?
You like, uh, to have some sort
of drink with me?
Oh, what the hell. Let's-
Ow, shit!
Oh!
- Hah!
- Aah!
No. Oh, you got me!
- Hi.
- Hi.
- We're playing hobbits
and orcs. - Mm-hmm.
Guess who's an orc?
Honey, would you mind, uh...
This kind of smarts. Can you?
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
I'm not finished
with you, Whit!
Yeah, one sec.
Uh, I thought his dad
was picking him up.
- What happened?
- Oh, what happened?
Dennis happened.
Mmm. Well, on the bright side...
- Hmm?
- you look astonishingly beautiful today.
- Whit!
- Really.
Where have you been?
Hey.
- I was-
- Daddy!
Hey, snot-face!
Oh, please, don't call him that.
Why?
He is a snot-face, isn't he?
You are a snot-face,
aren't you? Huh?
Oh.
Aw!
Jake, that's disgusting.
Jake, that's disgusting.
Go on.
- Toilet first.
- Mom!
Go on. Grab your jacket.
You were supposed to be here
an hour ago, Dennis.
Yeah, there was a bit
of a mix-up with the-
with the tickets, so...
Hey, you look really nice.
Did I get you that necklace?
No. It was a...
just a present
from someone... else.
- Who?
- Uh, me, actually.
Oh, yeah.
Huh?
It belonged to my grandmother.
Yeah.
Huh?
Dennis, this is
my good friend, Whit.
Whit, this is my-
Jake's dad, Dennis.
How you doin'?
Good, yeah.
You have soft hands.
Do you moisturize?
I do, actually.
Well, it's very nice
to meet you.
It's nice to finally put a face
to the name.
I'd have probably thought
you'd have...
you would have seen
one of our photos.
Oh, there aren't any.
- Hmm.
- Ready?
Yes. Let's go.
- Have fun.
- Yeah.
Dennis, you do have
the tickets, right?
Libby, credit me
with some intelligence.
Tickets!
Does anybody have any tickets?
Mate, my daughter's
not very well.
I've got a couple of
spare tickets if you want 'em.
Yes. Thank you so much.
How much?
Oh, whatever.
Uh, this is
all the money I have.
Yeah?
My son is gonna love me.
You want your son to love you?
Don't break the law.
Hey, that's entrapment!
Oh, God!
And that's brutality!
Libby, it's-
It was only a caution.
No. Uh, Libby, I'll-
- Bye, Dad.
- Libby.
So, do you work with Libby
at the bakery?
No.
We met at the bakery, though.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
What?
No, I just was
a nervous wreck that day.
It took me
four chocolate eclairs...
and a macaroon just to get up
the courage to talk to her.
Uh, no, I work in
the financial district actually.
I'm a hedge fund manager
for Waterman Hughes.
Oh.
I do high-level security
analysis and operation...
for an upscale retail outlet.
Really?
Libby said
you were a security guard...
at a women's clothing store.
Yeah, that's what I said.
Right.
Uh, well, I-
I should probably get a cab.
I got a big run in the morning.
A big what?
A run- I'm training for
the Nike River Run next month.
The what-y what what?
The Nike River Run.
It's a- It's a marathon race
along the, uh, Thames River.
Why would you do that?
Uh, well, it's
a charity thing, you know?
Plus, I love to run.
I actually ran the London
Marathon a little while ago.
Oh, that's a coincidence.
Oh, yeah? How's that?
I watched it on the television.
- Ah.
- Well, the last hour.
I sleep in on a Sunday, so...
Right.
Um, well, look, you know...
I know these things can be
pretty awkward, you know?
I mean, you know,
you're Jake's dad...
and, uh, well,
I just want you to know...
that I like Libby and Jake
very, very much...
and, um, well, I just appreciate
your being so grown up...
about this, you know?
Hey! Yo!
You wanna take this one?
- No, you have it.
- You sure?
Yeah. I'll get the next one.
All right.
Very nice to meet you.
- Yeah.
- I'm sure I'll see you around.
Yup. Hope so.
Hello, good sir.
West India Quay, please.
- Bye.
- Bye.
- See ya.
- Bye-bye.
Dennis!
Dennis!
Dennis?
- Close your eyes.
- Huh?
- Close your eyes.
- Oh.
OK. Open them.
Happy Valentine's.
That's great.
Dennis!
Dennis!
Hi.
Hey, Vincent.
- Dennis.
- How's business?
Whatcha mean, "business"?
Sorry.
- Got it.
- Shh.
Hush now, man.
All right.
Three thousand.
This is all I've got.
Just throw whatever you have
in the pot.
OK.
Flush, king high.
Ace high.
What happened?
Bad luck, mate.
Oh.
Oh, hey, I got you
those tickets.
They were for yesterday.
What?
So now you don't want 'em?
Why would I want them?
Put them on eBay.
Who's gonna wanna buy tickets...
for something
that happened yesterday?
- Time travellers.
- Where were you?
My whole night
was just screwed, man...
and I looked like a prick in
front of Libby's new boyfriend.
Oh, she didn't tell me
she has a new boyfriend.
What's he like?
Handsome, well-off, friendly.
He's like Peter Perfect
out of Wacky Races...
and he runs marathons.
- Why?
- Exactly.
Well, look, my only
serious relationship ended...
in a broken collarbone
and a dead meerkat...
so I may not be the best person
in the world to give advice...
but you have been trying
to get through to Libby...
for five years now...
so maybe you should let her go.
Yeah,
but what is her problem?
Dennis, you left her
at the altar...
when she was pregnant.
But that was ages ago.
Well, women remember that stuff.
Look, if there's anything else
I can do to help...
just let me know.
Well, actually, I am
a little bit behind in my rent.
I was wondering if you had
a couple of hundred quid...
I could maybe borrow.
Oh, I love you. I really do.
I needed that actually.
That's great. Thank you.
I'll see you later.
How about this one?
I bet you can't do it.
- I can do a big one.
- Go on.
Look, look, look, look, look.
That was a good one.
Yeah.
Listen.
I'm really sorry about
gettin' you arrested yesterday.
That's all right.
Most universities
don't even look...
at things
like that these days.
Hey, another one.
As far as I'm concerned,
what else do you have?
- Oh, she was great.
- Yeah, well, she is-
Ooh!
- Shh.
- Sorry.
Um, but, yeah, so I think-
Do you want to hear a secret?
Absolutely.
There's a girl in my class
called Emily.
Well, I'm sure
that's not a secret.
The teachers probably know
about her.
She looks like a tree frog.
She what?
She looks like a tree frog.
That's not
a very nice thing to say.
I like tree frogs.
Oh, yeah?
More than hobbits?
I see.
I really feel
we can make a life together.
"You really think we could-"
Wait, that sounds like something
Whit would say.
He did say it.
- What? To Mom?
- Yes.
What a shithead.
Dad!
Sorry.
Listen, I'm really glad
you were such a big boy...
about not gettin'
into the whole...
Lord of the Rings thing,
you know?
That's OK.
Whit's got us front row seats
for tomorrow...
so it's even better.
What a shithead.
Dad!
Well.
Ah, yeah
Oh, yeah
I'm up
on the eleventh floor
And I'm watchin'
the cruisers below
He's down on the street
And he's tryin' hard
to pull sister Flo
Oh, my heart's
in the basement
My weekend's
at an all-time low
'Cause she's hopin' to score
So I can't see her
letting him go
You betcha
Oh, yeah
Uh-huh
Deliveries are downstairs.
- No, I'm-
- Waterman Hughes.
- Yes?
- Bonjour.
Whit!
Thanks for your help.
So, what brings you
down here, man?
A little, uh, high-level
security analysis...
in retail operation?
Huh?
What can I do for you?
I'm just on my way to the gym.
- I got a spin class.
- Huh?
Spinning?
You know, spinning, bicycles?
Oh, OK.
No, I was thinking more
along the lines of a pint.
A pint? Oh, a pint.
Uh, wow.
Um, I'd love a pint, actually...
but, uh, I really gotta hit
this class.
I'm in training, you know?
You wanna come along?
Uh, it's an amazing workout.
I- I'd love to, but I don't
have any gear, so-
Well, I'll lend you some.
Great.
Three, two, one!
We're climbing!
Rhythm is up!
Push! Push! Push! Push!
Keep it up!
No cheating! Let's go!
How you doin' there?
You all right?
What'd you say?
Out of the saddle!
We're climbing!
OK,
let's make it really hard!
So, what did you wanna
talk to me about, man?
Ow!
Jake said you had some tickets
to the, uh...
to the hobbit musical.
Yeah, a friend of mine's
an investor in the show.
He totally hooked me up.
Can you believe that?
Hmm... um...
I was just thinking, um...
you know,
you don't really wanna sit...
through a whole sort of
three-hour kind of show, do you?
- So...
- Well, the thing is...
Oh.
Jake's really kind of got
his heart set on this, you know?
Yeah.
- Powder?
- I'm fine.
You sure? Refreshing.
I would imagine it is.
I was just- I'm thinkin' maybe,
you know, if you like...
then I could maybe take Jake
and Libby for you, you know...
if-if you want.
Look, I know you must be
kind of angry at yourself...
for messing up with the tickets
the other night...
and, uh, I'd like to help you.
I really would, but, um...
Well, the thing is...
I hope to be more and more
a part of Jake's life, you know?
And, uh, frankly, I'm kind
of looking forward to this show.
Give Jake and I, a chance to get
to know each other better.
I mean, uh, you can see
my point, can't you?
Yes, I can.
So, can I ask you a question?
Sure.
You had her once,
why did you ever let her go?
To be honest, Whit-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'd just
be careful on the stairs here.
Your legs
might be a little rubbery.
I'm fine.
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm fine. I'm-
Yeah, the first step
is often the, uh...
the difficult one.
This is Libby.
Leave me a message.
Hey, Lib, it's me.
Can you give me a ring?
Fuck!
Who the hell are you?
Just open the bloody door.
OK.
- There you go. Enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Forty-eight.
- Yes.
Hello.
Dennis, I'm really busy.
Can we talk?
No, just buy something or go.
OK. I, can I have one of your
signature cupcakes, please?
Actually,
can I have this big one?
- Dennis.
- That one's fine...
and, uh, I like that one, too.
- Anything else?
- Um, yeah.
What do you see in Whit?
- Uh, forty-nine.
- Yes, I'm forty-nine.
- What can I get for you?
- No, I'm not done yet.
Yes, you are.
Sorry, I think you've used up
your allotted time.
You don't- You don't have
allotted time, OK?
Now you're using up
my allotted time.
You don't get
allotted time, OK?
It's not like a game show,
you know?
You got, like, fifteen seconds
to win a bun.
Goodbye, Dennis.
Yes?
Yes. Hello, yes.
Um, do you have any of those
little gingerbread rabbits?
Oh, no.
We just have those at Easter.
I'm so sorry.
Oh.
Hmm...
Do you have anything else
shaped like an animal?
- Excuse me.
- What?
I haven't paid for my order.
I'm sorry.
- Excuse me.
- Yeah.
Excuse me.
- Ow!
- Sorry.
Seriously,
what do you see in him?
OK, he's well-off, all right?
He's kind of- He's quite
good-looking, you know?
But I mean, so what?
Is that what you think
this is about?
I just want
some gorgeous sugar daddy.
I wouldn't say gorgeous.
Well,
that's not why I'm with him.
Well, why are you with him?
You know,
give me one good reason.
One? I could give you fifty.
- I'm fifty!
- Hang on a minute!
He's mature, responsible,
considerate...
he's great with Jake.
- That's only four.
- Hello?
You know what?
He's a good man, Dennis.
You know, he runs marathons
for charity, for Pete's sake.
Oh, big deal!
So you could run a marathon?
Could I have
a chocolate brownie, please?
- Hang on!
- Oh!
Look, Libby, I can change.
Yeah? Well, great.
Let's get married.
- Really?
- No!
We tried that once, remember?
You left me at the altar,
pregnant.
You cock!
Look, Libby, I can change, OK?
I have changed. I can prove it.
How?
I'll tell you.
I will run the marathon.
What?
The one that Whit's doin'...
I'll run that,
and I'll finish it.
Come on,
you've never finished...
anything in your entire life,
Dennis.
Oh, now, you- That's not-
- You know- - Look, You
can't even finish a sentence.
Don't-don't-
You're just bein',
you know, what's the word?
Cock?
I would settle for something
shaped like a fish.
Well, go to the fishmonger!
I'm a vegetarian.
OK. OK.
Dennis, just please leave.
OK. OK, I'll go.
But I'm gonna
prove this to you, Libby.
I can be mature, considerate,
and responsible.
- Oh!
- Dennis?
Yes, Libby?
It's two pounds, seventy-five.
Oh, yeah, right.
Hey, if Dennis thinks
he can run the race...
he can run the race.
- Thank you.
- There's no way
you can run a marathon.
- Why not?
- 'Cause you is a lazy bastard.
Hey, I'll have you know
I go to spin classes.
You went to one.
Yeah, and now
you walk like John Wayne.
Hey, this is important to me.
I mean it!
Look, I'm sick of
being a nearly man, all right?
I'm sick of being scared.
I'm sick of the regret
I feel every day...
'cause I didn't have the guts
to marry the woman I love!
All that ends
tomorrow at 6 A.M.
Ow!
Not bad.
Hi.
Feel better?
Much.
Oh, how was spin class?
Uh, it was...
It was an amazing workout.
Is that right?
Yeah. And I also thought
it would be...
a good chance for me
to get to know Whit...
a little bit better, so...
Well, maybe we should all go out
for dinner then.
- You think?
- Yeah.
And then we could go dancing.
- You're jokin'.
- No, not at all.
And then, afterwards,
we could come back here...
and have a threesome.
Oh. You are joking.
Of course, I am.
Look, Dennis, I don't know
what's going on...
in that head of yours,
but whatever it is...
- I don't like it.
- I've- There's nothing-
- Daddy!
- Hey, buddy.
- You ready for school?
- Yeah.
Wait up, wait up, wait up a sec.
Can I walk with you guys?
OK.
- I'll see you later.
- OK.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
All right, you ready?
Yeah.
So, Whit, you were, uh, 'round
at Libby's pretty early, eh?
Whit stayed over last night.
- Oh?
- Yes.
They were jumping on the bed.
Wow.
Hey, Jakey, guess what?
Uh, I spoke to my friend...
and he does have an extra ticket
for the show tonight.
What do you say
we, uh, ask Emily to come along?
Yeah!
- Yay.
- What, he told you about Emily?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, and, uh...
Libby tells me that you
decided to run the marathon?
Yeah.
That's great, man. Seriously.
Really, that's awesome.
Thank you.
How did you manage to get in?
What do you mean?
Well, you can't
just show up and run.
Well, why not?
You have to apply in advance.
Well, how far in advance?
Uh, three months.
And when is it again?
Three weeks.
Right.
They'll make exceptions
sometimes...
if you're running for a charity,
but, uh, you know...
each charity is only allowed
a certain amount of runners.
No, you don't have to worry
about me.
I'll get in.
All right.
You ever, uh,
run a marathon before?
No. Why?
It's pretty gruelling.
Well, yeah, that's why
they call it a marathon.
Yeah, actually, technically,
it's called a marathon...
because of the events
of 490 B.C.
There was a Greek soldier...
- named Phei-
- Say, can I just...
- stop you there?
- Yeah.
I've got have nothing to say.
I just wanted to stop you there.
All right, all right.
Hello. Is that
the Cats Protection League?
Hello. I was just-
I'm- I'm running a marathon
next month...
and I was wondering if I could
possibly run on your behalf?
Great. Yeah, yeah.
OK. I see.
How big is the costume?
OK. I'll call you back.
Ooh.
Hi.
- Dennis.
- Oh, yes?
Would you mind not doing that
in front of the customers?
Sorry. I went for a run
this morning in my trunks...
and I think
I've got a bit of a rash...
you know,
down there in the, uh...
- I understand.
- scrotal zone.
- I understand, Dennis.
- OK.
Please, keep your hands
out of the scrotal zone...
whilst you're at work.
Will do.
Shh.
Dennis!
Sorry. I was, um...
I was in the zone.
So, um, I'd actually
be dressed as a brain.
Um, can I call you back?
Just 'cause you think it
It don't make it so
Drive you to drink
Won't let you go
Plenty of girls
and boys in love
Come on!
Plenty of girls
And boys in love
Would you like a cup of tea,
Dennis?
So that's it.
Running this marathon
could be my last chance...
to show Libby that I can change.
Mmm.
You know what I would do
if I were you?
What?
I would get some cream
for that rash.
Let me ask you something,
Dennis.
Why did you leave your lady at
the altar when she was pregnant?
I don't know.
Just wasn't ready.
The toothpaste was already
out of the tube, my friend.
Being ready
had nothing to do with it.
I was scared.
Mmm.
So, you are a coward.
I thought we were just
gonna have a cup of tea.
You did not think
you were good enough.
Am I right?
You thought of your lady,
and you were terrified...
you could not give her
what she needed...
what she deserved.
I thought the same things...
on the day I married
Mrs Ghoshdashtidar.
May she rest.
Did you?
Yes. But guess what?
It turned out
I was good enough.
I made myself good enough.
You did a stupid thing, Dennis.
But she loved you once, and you
must have earned that somehow.
Yeah.
Did you have a good marriage,
Mr Ghoshdashtidar?
Ah.
I remember the feeling
of being complete...
of spending every day
with my best friend...
but most of all...
I remember all the fucking.
Mmm...
Mmm...
Oh, three degrees starboard,
skipper.
Hey, I'm the captain.
Mutiny! Mutiny!
Whoa!
Ahoy there, me lad.
- Oh!
- Hey, Jakey.
Sorry, we're late, love.
Soon as Whit found out
we we're meeting here...
he had to go get his vessel.
Jakey, here.
Flip that switch.
No, not that one. That one.
Whoa! Can I steer it?
No.
But you can watch me steer it.
Mutiny.
Hey. You wanna?
- Was he OK?
- Yeah, he's fine.
We had a really nice time
until Captain Bligh turned up.
Whit just likes to take things
very seriously.
Prepare to be boarded,
or feel the hot wrath...
of Her Majesty's
royal fusillade!
Wait, don't touch that. Wait.
Why won't you
let me steer it?
Uh, because it's mine.
So, you're still gonna run
in this marathon?
Yes, absolutely.
It's gonna be great.
You're gonna see
a whole new Dennis.
Right, well,
I've been thinking about it...
and the thing is, I don't care.
What do you mean?
Dennis, what do you think
you're going to achieve?
Do you honestly think
that running 26 miles...
is just gonna wipe
the slate clean?
Well, you might change your mind
when you see me...
in jogging shorts.
Look, Whit's having
a birthday party...
for me in a couple of weeks...
and it would mean a lot to Jake
if you came.
To Jake?
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey, OK.
Whose boat is this?
Whose boat... is this?!
Excuse me!
Is- Is this your boat?!
- No way!
- He's toast.
He won't last.
Would you like some pizza,
Dennis?
Oh. Yes, I would actually.
Thank you very much.
- Ow!
- Come here.
What are you doing that-
Stop it.
Are you still gonna do this?
Are you still gonna
run the marathon?
I want to, yes.
Thank God.
Why?
Because I just bet them
every penny I have.
What? You bet on me?
Dennis, you're my best friend.
I'm not gonna bet against you.
Well, thank you.
Not with these odds.
Well, what if I don't finish?
Vincent'll kill you.
Oh, you'll finish.
How can you be so sure?
Get up, get up, get up, get up,
get up, get up, get up!
So, you're gonna be my coach.
That's right.
Why are you here?
I'm the assistant coach.
Why do you get
to be assistant coach?
Because I have this spatula.
Ow!
Go on. Get running.
Wait. Isn't there some sort
of special technique?
Yeah, you put one leg
in front of the other...
over and over again really fast.
Why are you here again?
- Ow!
- Motivation.
I said, yeah
- What they said
- What they said
- Oh, I said, yeah
- Lift your knees higher!
- You're not gonna get...
- Yeah, yeah
- anywhere like that!
- It's what they said
- You've gotta slide more.
- What they said
- Do you believe I would take something with me
- Come on, Dennis!
- You want to feel my spatula?!
- And give it
- No, I do not!
- To the police man?
- Then run! Run like the wind!
- I wouldn't do that
- And if I do that
- This is harder...
- I would say, "Sir"
- for me, you know?
"Come on
and put the charge on me"
Ow!
I wouldn't do that
- No, I wouldn't do that
- Come on, Dennis! Come on!
- Lookin' good! Lookin' good!
- I'm not a fool to hurt myself
- Come on, Dennis. Keep up the pace.
- I was innocent
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Of what they done to me
They was wrong
I think I got a blister.
- They were wrong
- OK.
Yeah, gently.
All right.
OK! Oh! All right.
- Is it bad?
- No, it's not that bad.
No. No. It's not.
Ohh! Oh, that's big.
Look at that thing.
It's like a womb.
Don't.
Hey, maybe there's a little man
in there...
who looks just like you,
but he's really good at running.
What are you talking about?!
It's just a thought.
You're gonna have to pop it.
No. No way.
Never pop
another man's pustule.
Well, I'll do it then.
Give me the needle.
That's the closest I could get.
It's fine. I sterilized it.
In what?
It's sterilized.
OK, OK. Here we go.
Ooh, you're gonna get it.
Stick it in.
- Pop it!
- I can't!
- Why not?
- It's scary!
Give it to me.
Just do it slow!
- Do it- Do it gently, OK?
- Yeah.
- Trust me.
- After three, OK?
- OK.
- One.
It's in it!
Get it out!
Bloody take it out!
- Hold still! Hold still!
- Get it!
I'm so sorry.
That's never happened before.
Oh! Oh!
I'm Catholic.
That was the second
most disgusting fluid...
I've ever had in my eye.
Who's that?
That's Mr G.
Get something nice on,
something respectable.
Where we goin'?
Every year,
literally hundreds of people...
are affected by acute
neurocortical emphasitis...
or Hapsburg Syndrome.
I see.
And how does the condition
manifest itself?
The syndrome
is characterized...
by a loss
of lower body function...
sporadic and often violent
outbursts of profanity.
And often chronic flatulence.
It's our aim to raise awareness
of the condition...
and, hopefully,
some funds to give...
some much-needed support...
to people such
as Mr Ghoshdashtidar here.
Mmm...
- Well, we think that
Mr Goshdashti- - Ghosh!
- Ghoshtashtidar-
- Ghosh! Ghosh!
Ghoshtashtidar's condition
is very, uh, serious...
and warrants support,
and we'd be delighted...
for Mr Doyle to run
on behalf of acute neuro-
Acute neurocortical emphasitis.
- Or, uh...
- Hapsburg Syn-
Syndrome awareness. Yes.
OK.
We'll just need the charity's
registration number.
The what?
The registration number.
Well, that couldn't
have gone any worse.
Mmm.
- Look out!
- Oh!
Ohh!
Aw, hit by a wheelchair.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- It stings.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- It stings.
- No, no, no, no!
Dennis, don't touch him.
- Can you stand?
- Oh, no!
- Are you OK?
- No. My leg's broken.
We are so sorry.
You- Call an ambulance!
Oh, this can't be happening.
I was supposed to be running
the marathon in three weeks.
- Really?
- Yeah.
There were so many people
dependin' on me.
Charity people?
- Hmm?
- Yeah. God!
What charity people?
What do you think?
Nice.
Nicotine patch?
Applied.
- You been to the toilet?
- One and two.
You ready?
Ready.
One.
Ow.
- Two.
- Get up there.
This is a jailbreak
This is a Thursday afternoon
But I didn't mean it
- I didn't mean it
- Ow!
I'd never get that far
My baby,
short breath wouldn't do
But you took it serious
- Took it so serious
- Raise.
- No!
- No!
One, two...
One more! One more!
Well, you accused me
of wearing movies in my eyes
But I still love you
Of course, I love you
And so I countered
You do the same, my Annie I
You closed them so fast
And you closed them so tight
- Hi, Dennis.
- Wha-
I saw your friend Gordon
this morning.
I will replace
anything he stole.
He told me
about his little bet.
Oh, yeah.
- Yeah. Crazy, huh?
- Yeah.
So I made a crazy little bet
of my own.
Ooh. Who with?
With you, silly.
- We haven't made a bet.
- We're about to.
Here it is.
You finish the race...
I'll forgive
all the back rent you owe.
- And if I don't?
- If you don't finish...
you pack your bags
and you leave.
You go, and I finally get
some tidy tenants...
who pay their rent on time.
- Deal?
- No deal.
Hey, what are you-
Hey, give me that.
- Deal?
- Deal.
- Maya, if you think making-
- Maya?
Hey. Hello, Mr Ghoshdashtidar.
How are you?
I've got something for you.
Ooh. It's not the spatula,
is it?
No.
Wow.
To help you be a good man.
I don't-
Thank you.
Wow.
Peter Perfect, a perfect palace.
Try saying that
when you're smashed.
- I will.
- Lately
I been high-steppin'
I've got a lover
- Who just gets it for real
- Hey. Hey, Dennis.
- Hey.
- Glad you could make it.
- Thank you.
- Oh, hey.
Wow, Libby.
You look, um... wow.
Thank you.
I know, right?
Never mind all this.
I'll take the view
I have right here.
Oh.
I'm Gordon, Libby's cousin.
Hello.
Gordon. Of course.
I've heard a lot about you.
Very nice to meet you.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Oh. I thought you said
he was an asshole.
- Dennis!
- Gordon.
- What?
- It's OK, Lib.
Libby, I got you
a birthday present.
Oh.
It's a CD.
I hope you don't have it,
'cause I don't have a receipt...
and I didn't exactly
get it in a shop.
Well, thank you, I think.
It's OK. Where's the toilet?
I'll show you, and, uh,
you can entertain Dennis.
OK.
That is if he doesn't mind
hangin' out with an asshole.
He was joking. I never
said you were an asshole.
- Yeah, you did.
- Yeah, I did.
Whit seems nice.
Yeah, he is.
Good-looking, friendly,
well-off, steady job...
good with Jake...
just like you got him
out of a catalogue.
And what's your point?
I ordered a pair of shoes
once from a catalogue.
Gorgeous soft leather
Italian loafers.
They looked amazing,
but then they arrived...
and I put them on,
and they hurt like fuck.
Thanks. I'll bear that in mind.
Wow.
Hey, do you think it would
be weird if I took a bath?
Yeah, that would be weird.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Here you go.
- Oh, thanks.
Cheers.
What do you think?
I think I see a guy
peeing on your car.
- What?
- Got you.
Oh, very good.
Actually, you see that?
What?
There. I'm talking
about St. Paul's Cathedral.
- You see it?
- Uh-huh.
Currently my favourite spot
in London.
You know why?
Uh, is it because that's
where you first realized...
how amazing you are?
It's the finish line
for the marathon.
Only two more days,
and I get to cross it.
Can't wait.
Me, too.
Greatest feeling in the world,
finishing a distance race.
I think you're really
gonna get a kick out of it.
You don't think
I'm gonna finish, do you?
No, I don't.
Why not?
'Cause it's really hard, Dennis.
Actually requires
a couple of things...
that, uh, forgive me,
but you don't seem to possess.
I happen to have
a very nice pair...
of running shoes now,
thank you very much.
I'm talking about discipline
and perseverance.
And all cute
little comments aside...
there comes a point
in every race-
it could be the fifth mile,
it could be the 25th-
but, eventually,
you're gonna hit...
what runners like to call
"the wall. "
And when you do...
you won't be able to breathe
or think or even move.
All you're gonna wanna do
is give up.
And I have
a very strong feeling...
that that's exactly
what you're gonna do, Dennis.
See, that's the difference...
between getting a girl
like Libby...
and keeping a girl like Libby.
You good?
You need anything else?
- No, I'm good.
- OK.
Love is sweet, they say
Promises of tomorrow
But the tighter you grip,
the faster you slip
This much I know
Lately, I want everyhing
Every star tied to a string
Coffee, tea, and in between
The sweetest smile
I've ever seen
A different song
in every room...
- Oh, shit! Sorry. Sorry.
- That's OK.
- No, it's OK. It's OK.
- Oh, man. It's just-
It's just soda water, honestly.
Should I not rub
your boob, then?
- Yeah.
- OK. Sorry.
I can do the other one,
you know?
'Cause I'm here, I might as well
just even it out.
Sorry.
So, you havin' a...
havin' a good time?
Yeah. Yes, I am, thank you.
You've lost weight.
Yeah, just a little bit.
Yeah.
You know, get on.
Where's Jake?
I thought he was gonna be here.
Uh, no.
Whit thought that we'd have
a better time...
if we got a sitter.
Oh. What did you think?
I should get back.
Libby, um,
I never actually thanked you.
For what?
Well, for just sort of
lettin' me back into your life.
Jake's life.
Yeah, well, you know.
I mean, I-I wouldn't have
been surprised...
if you just cut me off
completely, you know?
Ugh, now you tell me.
Well, no, I mean-
No, he needs his dad.
Yeah.
You were right, you know,
about me enterin' the marathon.
It- You know,
it was because I was...
sort of trying to win you back
kind of thing.
And I'd always kinda hoped
that maybe, we'd, you know...
get back together and that...
but, you know,
when I saw you with Whit-
- Dennis.
- I know- I know- I know-
I know it's the height
of hypocrisy, and I know-
I know doin' this
isn't gonna change anything...
or-or make anything better,
but, um...
I'd just-
I'd settle for your respect.
You know,
I'd settle for you smiling...
when you thought about the time
that we had together...
and not thinkin'
it was a waste of time.
You know, I mean, I know...
I didn't do you any favours
on that day, OK?
I did a stupid, stupid thing.
But it was
only because I thought...
spoiling your day was better
than ruining your life.
Does that make any sense?
You're such an idiot.
Hey, I got you something.
Oh, what is it?
It's something
I think you don't have.
A history
of reliable boyfriends?
No, it's-
Well, it's only, you know...
- Open it later on.
- OK.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- No.
Oh.
- Everyone, could I have your attention?
- Oh, my God.
Hey. Everyone,
your attention, please.
Everyone, hi.
Thank you for coming.
- Really good to see you all.
- Thank you.
As you all know,
we're here to celebrate...
the birthday
of one Elizabeth Olivia O'Dell.
Happy birthday.
As many of you know, uh,
my passion in life is running.
In fact,
in a couple of days...
I'll be completing another
marathon, thank you very much.
Uh, now, success in running
requires a lot...
of the same things
as success in love-
passion, determination...
and something I've needed
a lot of with Libby, stamina.
That's just inappropriate,
isn't it?
The long-winded point
I'm trying to make...
is that both love and running
require heart...
and Libby has...
truly, has more heart...
than any other person
I've ever known.
So happy birthday, sweetie.
Thank you all.
Oh, trainers!
I'm sorry. Can I, uh,
just see this for a second?
Now, what, um...
As most of you know...
I usually run my races alone,
but I thought...
I was wondering
if you would consider...
becoming my partner?
Oh, my.
Libby, will you marry me?
No, no, no, no.
OK. Yes.
- Yes?
- Yeah.
So beautiful.
Just beautiful.
Thank you.
Thank you, everybody.
Crazy.
What'd I miss?
So...
You bloody... poison.
All right. You can stick it
up your ass...
you big American prick.
Our love has changed
- I don't mind they've decided.
- It's not the same
And the only way to say it
Is say it
It's better
I can't concede
This way I feel
For all the time
we spend together
Forever just gets better
See, what I'm trying
to say is
You make things better
And no matter
what the day is
With you here, it's better
I'll stand by you
If you stand by me
I think it's time
that I reveal it
'Cause I believe it
It's better
See, what I'm tryin'
to say is
You make things better
Dennis!
So what do you think
we should do, Dennis?
Jake got really upset when
I tried to explain it to him.
So, I just wonder whether maybe
you could talk to him today?
You know, just-
If he heard it from you...
that you're always gonna be
his daddy, you know?
I take it the diet's off.
Dennis, are you even listening?
Dennis!
What? You want-
You want me to tell Jake...
what a-what a-
what a perfect guy Whit is...
and it's all gonna be
really perfect...
in his new perfect life?
No.
Not necessarily in those words.
I cannot believe
you're gonna marry this guy.
He pulled your engagement ring
out of a shoe.
Please, Dennis,
you're the only one...
who can help Jake
feel OK about this.
Listen, if you wanna marry Whit,
that's fine, OK?
You're a big girl, and you can
make your own mistakes, OK?
But don't come down here
while I'm eating...
my full English breakfast
with extra breakfast...
and expect me to make things
easier for you, OK?
Can I please get
some ketchup here?!
I'm not gonna run.
What?!
I said I'm not running.
What do you mean,
you're not running?
I mean, I'm not running. I'm
not running a stupid marathon.
Why? Because Libby's
getting married again?
What did you think?
She- She's not gonna find
anybody better than you?
Well, let me be the first
to tell you.
You know, you're
not a tough act to follow.
Oh, what?
You think I don't know that?
I don't care any more!
- What about me?
- What about you?
I've got money on this!
A lot of money!
That is not my problem!
Quit it!
I'm not the quitter.
- Let me go!
- Ow, my ear!
- Let go!
- Ow!
Oh, OK! Oh, all right!
Oh, enough!
Just- Just stop for a minute!
Every day,
I love you less and less
I've got to get this feeling
off my chest
The doctor says
all I need's pills and rest
Since every day,
I love you less and less
Unless, unless
- I know, I feel it
- Are you gonna run?
In my bones
- No!
I'm sick, I'm tired
Of staying in control
- Oh, yes, I feel I race upon a wheel
- Oh, God!
- OK, OK, OK, OK.
- You'll run?
Oh, yes, I'm stressed
I'm sorry I digressed
Impressed,
you're dressed to SOS
Oh-oh
- My balls!
- And my parents love me
Oh-oh
- And my girlfriend loves me
- That's it! Run away!
That's what you always do!
Run away!
Every day,
I love you less and less
Hey, what the-
- Hello, Dennis.
- What are you doing?
Gordon called.
He tells me
you're not running the marathon.
- Yeah, but-
- But, what?
Are you running or not?
- No, but-
- So there you go.
- Wait-
- Sorry, Dennis.
A bet's a bet. You're out.
Mr Ghoshdashtidar?
Mr Ghoshdashtidar!
- Who the hell are you?
- Oh, please, look.
- I thought you were a good man, Dennis.
- Yeah...
A little screwed up here
in the head, OK.
But Maya was right about you.
You are no good.
- Look-
- Always running away...
never running
in the right direction.
Yeah, but, oh-
I bought you
new running shoes, Dennis.
The man said
they were the best you can buy.
- Yes, but-
- "But, but, but!"
Always "but"!
Always excuses with you!
Always some reason
why it's not your fault!
I have news for you,
Dennis Doyle from downstairs.
It's all your fault!
- Hi.
- Hi.
You- You havin' a yard sale?
No. Where's Libby?
Uh, she's pickin' up Jake.
I suppose, uh,
congratulations are in order.
Oh, yeah. Well, thank you.
Best man won.
Well, I wasn't really aware
it was a contest.
Dennis! Dennis!
Is Jake with you?
No, why? I-
Well, is he here, Whit?
- I thought you were picking him up.
- Jake!
- Libby?
- Jake!
Libby, what is-
- What did you say to him?!
- I- What are you-
I didn't say anything.
What do you mean?
Well, he was at Emily's
and something happened.
He just ran out.
- What?
- He has run away, OK?
Jake ran away!
Jake!
Jake!
Gordon!
Gordon!
- Yes?
- Jake's run away.
- What?
- He's run away!
All right.
Well, wait a minute.
Just calm down.
Think for a second.
Where would he go?
Hiya, snot-face.
Yeah, he's fine.
We'll be back in about
a half an hour, I guess.
OK.
Is she mad at me?
No, no.
She's just glad you're OK.
Do you wanna tell me
what happened?
Emily doesn't wanna be
my girlfriend any more.
Why not?
'Cause there's this other boy,
Robert...
and he's got a ponytail...
and she likes him now.
What, she likes him
because he's got a ponytail?
Uh-huh.
Jake 'n Bake...
as you get older,
you're gonna realize...
there are a lot of things
that you don't like, OK?
Things much worse than this.
And when those things happen,
you can't just run away.
Why not?
Because it doesn't solve
the problem.
You know,
when you start running...
the problem's still there.
You've got to stick at it,
and then figure out a way...
to solve the problem, even if
it's really, really hard.
Is that what you do, Dad?
Dad?
Dennis!
Dennis!
Gordon!
Gordon!
- Found him?
- Yes.
Good. You can't stay here.
Gordon!
What?!
I'm running.
Well, come on up then.
Wow, these are great.
Where'd you get 'em?
- Whit's place.
- Thanks.
See, the trick is...
you got to load up on carbs
the night before the race.
I read it in Cosmo.
How are the legs? Not too tight?
No. No, they're fine.
Have you got everyhing
you need?
You know, your shoes,
your shorts, penis t-shirt?
- Yes.
- Oh.
I'm not really in the mood.
- It's for your nipples.
- What?
You run a 26-mile race,
a lot of friction...
is generated from your shirt
to your nipples.
And the last thing you want
during a marathon...
is nipple chafing.
- Cosmo?
- Yeah.
I'm not puttin' that
on my nipples, OK?
And I'm not gonna eat this.
Let's just go to sleep.
Well, at least,
let me make your bed for you.
Anything else?
Have you got a pillow?
- No.
- Well, then I guess I'm fine.
Hey, what time
do you have to be up tomorrow?
Well, we should set the alarm
for about seven o'clock.
- I don't have an alarm clock.
- Why not?
I never need to be anywhere.
The race starts at 9.00, OK?
So we should leave here
no later than 8.00, OK?
OK.
Night.
Love you.
A very good morning to you.
It's a beautiful day
here in London...
for the first
annual Nike River Run.
We've had a very warm welcome
from the crowd...
and we've got perfect conditions
for this race, Denise.
We certainly have.
26.2 miles
along the River Thames...
10,000 runners
from all over the globe...
and an amazing way
for many of these folks...
to raise money for so many
worthwhile charities.
And as we can see,
race officials...
are already busy
at the starting line...
with the start
less than an hour away.
- Taxi!
- Keep on runnin'
Taxi!
- Keep on hidin'
- Taxi!
Wait!
- Wait!
- One fine day
I'm gonna be the one
To make you understand
- It's a wonderful course.
- Oh, yeah
- They'll wind around the Thames...
- I'm gonna be your man
They'll cross over five bridges,
including Osney Bridge...
Albert Bridge,
and the Millennium Bridge.
OK, OK. So go at your
own pace today, all right?
- Slow and steady.
- OK. Slow and steady.
Yeah, they're challenging
the leaders we have here.
One from Japan,
Hiyusha Shinuzu...
and, of course, up there also,
is Sumi Yamata.
Watch it!
- Idiot!
- Keep on runnin'
- Runnin' from
- The other way! Go back!
- My heart
- No, we're not goin' back!
Amongst the names
we should keep an eye on...
are the men from Kenya.
Always so strong, Wilson Deetay
and Collington Degwa...
they always can be found
at front of the pack.
This is as far
as I can get, mate.
But I need to get to the start
of the race.
Well, it's just over the bridge.
That's fifteen quid, mate.
Have you got any money?
Sir, we have
a slight liquidity problem.
That is a shame.
Uh, no. Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
Look, look. This is a 19...
...40 Rolex 520 Perpetual
Oyster with a bubble back.
That's not too shabby.
Gordon,
you can't possibly give him-
Hey, it's an investment.
Gordon, thank you.
I'll see you later then.
Keep on runnin'
Hey, good luck!
Now, typically,
the day would have started...
at the crack of dawn
for most of these runners.
They had a balanced breakfast...
precise physical
and mental preparation.
On a day like today,
to leave anything to chance...
you'd either have
to be extremely naive...
or a complete idiot.
Everyone is talkin' about me
Over here. To me, to me.
That's it. Be careful.
That's an antique.
- Did it start? Did it start?
- Not yet.
- Turn it on.
- Here we go.
What do we love
about these days...
is the sheer
mix of competitors.
They come
in all shapes and sizes...
from the elite over there
to the-how should we put it-
not so elite.
That's Dennis!
Look at that stretch.
Look at that.
Double or nothing?
Yeah, right.
Just a few minutes to go now.
The warm-ups should be complete.
It's time, if you have one,
for that pre-race ritual.
Well, well, well.
You made it, huh?
Yeah.
Just wanna wish you luck
out there.
You, too. How are your nipples?
Great.
- More toast.
- Only a few moments...
to go now,
and the officials are-
Who do you want to win,
Daddy or Whit?
- Who do you wanna win?
- Daddy, of course.
- If you're one of the fun runners...
- What about you?
- it's just about completing the course.
- Eat your toast.
And what a great turnout
we've got here today.
Why am I always the tortoise?
A bet's a bet.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
- Pardon me.
- All right.
Well, Dennis, I gotta admit...
I didn't think
you'd make it this far.
I mean, uh...
you don't exactly have
the best, uh, track record...
now, do you?
Yeah, well that was then,
and this is now.
No, Dennis.
This is now.
All right.
Don't feel you have to keep up
with me.
Well, don't feel
you have to keep up with me.
Oh, yeah, that's the spirit.
And they're off, Chris.
Yet another great marathon...
getting under way
here in London.
And having these great runners
go 26.2 miles...
of crowded London streets...
That was great, what you did
with Jake yesterday, by the way.
Thanks.
I know Libby
really appreciated it, too.
Oh, I'm glad.
In fact,
she was so appreciative...
we had a nice little jump
on the bed.
- What?
- Have a good race.
Isn't it enough?
What?
You got the girl, all right?
Isn't it enough?
I just think it's high time
you realize...
that it's over, sir.
Otherwise, it's gonna be
very tough for you...
- when we move to Chicago.
- What?
You better
slow down there, chief.
You got a long way to go.
- Yeah, well, so have you.
- Oh, yeah!
Yes, I like it.
Run, fat boy, run!
I can lose weight...
but you'll always be
an asshole.
Now, once again,
it's still being dominated...
- by the Kenyans, Denise.
- Look at that.
The runners are making their way
along the embankment.
What a beautiful view of the...
So, here we are
among the leaders of the moment.
The pace is relatively relaxed
for the opening miles.
Maybe a little too relaxed,
Chris.
It looks like we've got
a couple of amateurs...
coming up from the back.
Mom!
It looks like these two boys...
are running a race
of their own here today.
In fact,
they're causing quite a stir...
among the serious runners.
Not something
you'd really expect...
at this stage in the race.
Oh. Sorry, sir.
There's a man down.
Sorry.
All eyes right now
are on these two runners.
No, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
- We hope to bring you that information quickly.
- Slow down.
But he looks good, doesn't he?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
...setting a new world record.
What are you trying to prove?
She doesn't
love you any more, man.
I'm not doing this for Libby.
Yeah, right.
You're ridiculous, dude.
What's the matter, Whit,
can't keep up?
Oh!
Daddy!
Dennis! I mean, Whit!
It does look very serious.
We're getting
some more information-
Stay down! Stay down!
Where do you think you're going?
- I have to go help Dennis.
- Why?
Because I am
the assistant coach.
Yes!
He now leads
at the ten-mile mark.
And that looks really painful.
Looks like
this runner's race day...
will be ending
at a Leeds hospital.
Yeah, absolutely tragic-
Mom, do something!
- We certainly do. Let's get back...
- Come on.
to the leaders
in the female race.
Shit.
Huh?
Gordon, I think I speak
for everyone here...
when I say, "Give me my money. "
Five grand, please.
OK, here's the thing
about the money...
and, actually,
it's kind of funny.
Uh... I don't have it.
Would you excuse us a moment?
Hi. I'm looking
for a patient, Dennis Doyle.
Are you family?
- Yeah.
- Doyle?
Yes, Dennis Doyle.
Oh, I'm sorry,
we don't seem to have anyone...
registered by that name.
Are you sure?
He's a runner in the marathon.
Oh, the runner. Oh, yeah.
Well, he's just arrived.
- Libby?
- Whit?
How'd you know I was here?
What are you doing here?
Honey,
that psychopath tripped me.
He tripped me.
I think I have ligament damage.
Guys, can we- Can we just-
Fellas, can we-
Look, I'm a patient, please.
Just one- Find me!
Easy, easy! Ow!
Vince, look, when I said
I didn't have the money...
I meant
I didn't have the money here.
- I can pay.
- Oh, you're gonna pay.
No, wait. Look... Vincent.
Wait- Wait- What?
Wait. Wait a tick.
Not so bloody fast, mate.
Who the hell are you?
Thanks a lot, Mr G!
Your friend is a man of honour.
What, Vincent?
Yes, he said he's going to kick
shit out of you later instead.
I don't understand.
On the TV, they said
he was being brought here.
One second.
I could sue him.
You know that, right?
I could sue him
for everyhing he has...
but, you know, seriously,
what am I gonna do...
with some pizza boxes
and a Judas Priest t-shirt?
Honey,
I'm sure it was an accident.
Well, you weren't there, OK?
You didn't see it.
He was wild-eyed, all right?
He was frothing at the mouth
at one point.
It was like running a marathon
with Cujo, OK?
Jake, buddy,
can I control the bed, please?
No, but you can watch me
control it.
Libby? Where are you?
- The hospital.
- Are you with him?
No, he's not here.
Well, what do you mean
he's not there?
I mean, he's not here.
Well,
where the hell is he then?
All right.
It's still- It's on.
The race is still on.
I can't believe
you let Gordon go, Vincent.
- Yeah, but he said he was gonna pay us...
- Back to the story.
- right, Vincent?
- The first images are coming in...
- from what looks like a camera phone...
- Vincent?
- Vincent?
- showing a lone, mysterious runner.
Uh, he's looking very badly
injured, I must say...
and he's also causing some major traffic-
- Cab.
- Yeah, it's a Rolex.
I'm not gonna sell it.
It's a family heirloom now.
What!
Wait! What are you doing?!
- Step on it!
- You can't just take a man's cab!
All right!
Hello, there...
Dennis Doyle from downstairs!
Who the hell are you?
You beauty, come on!
And as the sun
sets over London...
we're still looking
into the identity...
of that mysterious runner.
Come on, Dennis,
you can do it! Come on!
The only concrete thing
we do know...
is that he's running
for erectile dysfunction.
Good news, Mr Bloom.
No rupture, no ligament damage.
Oh, that's great.
Jake, please?
In fact,
there's no real damage anywhere.
Are you sure, doctor?
Jake, please.
It's, uh, like, uh...
What is it you runners say?
You hit the wall.
No, no, that-
That's not possi-
God damn it, will you stop...
messin' around with the bed,
you little shit?!
God.
Good evening.
It's time for a sports update.
Top story, the Nike River Run.
We'll be chatting to the winner
a little bit later on...
but first, we've had thousands
of e-mails and calls...
about our mystery runner.
Well, I can tell you now,
our TV crew...
has just caught up with him.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Will you slow down, please?
You hungry?
You wanna get a bite?
Stop! Stop!
Everyone out. Get out.
- Come on!
- I'm goin'!
Hey!
Just go away!
- Somebody trip him.
- Go away!
Knock him over.
No, invalid. Off-side.
- Oh!
- Leave him alone! Get off him!
I want my money now!
Don't listen to them, Dennis!
You are a winner!
I want my money now!
Stop it! I'm wearing helmet!
Clear off!
"The loneliness
of the long-distance runner"...
a phrase epitomized by this man,
Dennis Doyle.
For the last eleven miles,
he's been running...
on what appears to be
a severely sprained ankle.
What a testament to the power
of the human spirit.
Mr Doyle, how do you feel?
How the fuck
do you think I feel?
What an inspiration.
We'll keep you updated
as this story progresses.
- Get out of the bloody way!
- Sorry.
- Well, what a remarkable day...
- Libby. Libby, I'm sorry...
- we've had at the marathon on the Thames...
- all right? I lost it. I-
- with an event dominated as ever...
- I wasn't thinking.
- by the crowds and the fun runners...
- I'm sorry.
- Honey, can we just-
- but particularly by
- Jake, buddy...
- one man.
would you mind just giving us...
a little peace with the TV,
please?
- Thank you.
- Go on, Dennis!
The whole of London...
Honey, can we
just talk about this, please?
- Chin up!
- Keep it up, mate!
Do you know, Mr Doyle, sir?
Oh.
I'm the assistant coach.
Oh. Oh, really.
What's your name?
- Uh, Mr Ghoshdashtidar.
- Gosh-
- Ghosh...
- Gah-
OK, just call me John.
It was me who discovered
his potential.
I can't breathe.
My head's gonna explode.
He's not gonna make it.
I- I have to stop.
- I have to stop this.
- No.
- I'm sorry.
- No, you can't. What are you doing?
You can't stop.
You're nearly there.
What? How much further?
It- It's a little, tiny-
Nine miles.
OK. OK.
Oh, no.
What?
He's hit it.
OK, baby,
let's get you to bed.
Jakey.
- ... by the crowds and the fun runners.
- Dennis.
- For those of you just joining us...
- Dennis?
it looks like Dennis Doyle, a
clothing store security guard...
running for the last ten
and three quarter hours...
on basically one leg...
is refusing to rest
until this race is run.
Unbelievable!
You've never finished anything
in your entire life, Dennis.
All you're gonna
wanna do is give up.
I'm not the quitter!
That's exactly
what you're gonna do, Dennis.
Go on, run away!
Run away!
That's what you always do!
Dennis!
Dennis!
Dennis?
Oh, I don't believe this.
Yeah, boy, yes!
He's still going!
Go on, you beautiful man!
Apologies there,
ladies and gentlemen, uh...
but it's, uh, really rather hard
not to get caught up...
in the drama of it all.
Now let's take one more look
at how Dennis broke that ankle.
And here it is.
It appears
that the runner there...
next to Mr Doyle
is involved in some way.
In fact, if we look at it again
here... yes!
He deliberately trips him!
Bastard!
Apologies again, uh...
That didn't-
That's not what happened.
That is-
That- That didn't happen.
I can't believe this.
I don't believe it, either.
I don't understand that.
What is that?
Honey. Honey...
That angle makes it look, but-
He tripped me.
He tripped me! Yes, he did!
- Go, Dennis!
- It's him! Dennis!
Go, Dennis!
I can't believe this.
Come on, honey.
Please, like I'm gonna do that.
What are you-
Are you kidding me?
Honey.
All right, look,
I'm just- I'm not-
I'm not myself, OK?
I haven't been myself
for a long time.
Work has not been...
It's, uh...
It's just this city, you know?
It's just-
It's really hard here for me.
You know,
everyone's so polite here...
and it's like the food and the-
and the-and the ca-
I just don't- I don't
know what happened to me.
I don't know what-
It's just this place.
It's this place, you know?
And if we- I just know it's
gonna be better once we move.
- Move?
- To Chicago.
What?
Too soon?
Oh!
- Come on, Jake.
- Libby, wh-
Where you goin'?
Where you goin'?
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
Dennis?
You can't be serious.
The guy left you
at the altar pregnant.
Nobody's perfect.
Libby.
Libby! L-
What a shithead.
Jake.
Hey. I know you feel bad.
I know you're
in incredible pain...
but you are so close
to me going on holiday.
Come on.
Dennis! Dennis! Dennis!
As we draw tantalizingly
close to the finish line...
here at St. Paul's Cathedral...
it's safe to say,
it's been a very long day...
for myself and my cameraman.
It's been a very long day
for you watching at home...
but for Dennis Doyle...
it's been the single longest day
of his life.
Come on, Dennis!
Good work, Dennis!
Hey! Move along!
That's it. You're there.
You're sixty feet.
Fifty- Fifty-eight feet.
Call it fifty-six
and a half feet...
and you're there. Come on.
That's my man! My man!
Come on, come on!
Dennis, come on.
Stay down, you shamble of a man.
Don't get up.
Dennis!
Dennis, come on, get up.
Dennis, you're
at the finish line. Get up.
Dennis, this looks bad.
People are talking.
Get up.
Hello, Dennis?
- Dennis!
- Dad!
Dennis!
Dad!
Go on! You've got it! Go on!
Come on, Dennis! Yeah!
Yeah!
Dad!
That was a really stupid thing
you did out there today.
Don't go to Chicago.
Dad, you won!
He's done it!
He's actually done it!
This morning...
Dennis Doyle was a humble
shop worker from North London!
Tonight, he goes home a hero!
Oh, yay.
And look at that!
- God damn it.
- This extraordinary man...
collapses into the arms of-
I think it's
backwards here-
the woman he loves!
And, look! He's got a son!
I didn't know he had a son!
Did you know he had a son?
- Hello, Dennis.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Jake, your dad's here!
How's it goin'?
- Pretty good.
- Good.
- You?
- Yeah.
Yeah, not bad.
You still running?
Every day, hopefully
in the right direction.
Yeah. So...
Um, Libby,
I was thinkin', um...
- Hi, Dad.
- Hey, you.
Uh, it doesn't matter,
actually.
I'll, um...
I'll sp- I'll ca-
I'll speak to you later.
- OK.
- Say goodbye to your mom.
Bye, Mom.
Bye. I'll see you later.
Bye.
Libby, I was wondering,
would you like to go...
and have some dinner
with me next week?
You don't have to.
It's not, uh...
Yeah.
Uh... huh?
I mean, wow.
It'd be nice.
Yeah. Well, it would be.
I'll, um...
I'll give you a call.
OK.
Don't know why I did that.
It's
just-
OK. Ready?
Yeah.
Hello!
Hello, Dennis!
Mr G.
- Hello, Jake.
- Hello.
I was just doing my spin class.
It's great fun, isn't it?
Oh, it's an amazing workout!
Dad comin' up behind
the young contender.
Come on! Jake!
Oh, he takes the ball from Jake!
He has the ball! He's clear!
Dad! Pass it!
Dad is clear!
Give it!
I'll give you one, too.
OK, let's go. Good game.
Jake to Mr G.
Yeah, thank you very much.
Take over, Mr G.
There you go, Mr G.
All right,
I'm gonna-
Completely illegal move there.
Picks up the player,
runs with him.
Runs with him all the way.
Dad, that's illegal!
But that's not all.
Because the guy,
he can't barely walk, OK...
let alone run,
but he keeps going...
and twenty-five miles
on a shattered ankle.
And you know how he did that?
You know what he said
was the one thing...
that kept him going?
His trainer
never gave up on him.
He stayed with him
the whole way.
And that was you?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
It's a pretty amazing story,
actually.
I've got a bottle of champagne
opened here...
if you wanna hear it.
- Sure.
- Sure.
Well, come on up then.
Aye, aye, aye
Everybody
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Aye, aye, aye
Everybody
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Never saw you,
I only heard of you
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
I never saw you
I only heard of you
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
It's your life
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
It's your life
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Now I know that,
now I understand
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Now I know that,
now I understand
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
La la la
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
La la la
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Aye, aye, aye
Everybody
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Aye, aye, aye
Everybody
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Never saw you,
I only heard of you
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
I never saw you,
I only heard of you
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
It's your life
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
It's your life
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Now I know that,
now I understand
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Now I know that,
now I understand
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
La la la
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
La la la
Huggin' up
the big monkey man
Keep on runnin'
Keep on hidin'
One fine day,
I'm gonna be the one
To make you understand
Oh, yeah,
I'm gonna be your man
Keep on runnin'
Runnin' from my arms
One fine day,
I'm gonna be the one
To make you understand
Oh, yeah,
I'm gonna be your man
Hey, hey, hey
Everyone keeps talkin'
about me
It makes me feel so sad
Hey, hey, hey
Everyone is laughin' at me
It makes me feel so bad
So keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'
Keep on runnin'
Runnin' from my arms
One fine day,
I'm gonna be the one
To make you understand
Oh, yeah,
I'm gonna be your man
Hey, hey, hey
Everyone keeps talkin'
about me
It makes me feel so sad
Hey, hey, hey
Everyone is laughin' at me
It makes me feel so bad
So keep on runnin'
Runnin' from my arms
One fine day,
I'm gonna be the one
To make you understand
Oh, yeah,
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man
I'm gonna be your man