WOMAN ON TV:
Day after day...
The store that one might...
I hate television.
It gives me headaches.
There's so many magnetic waves
traveling in the airspace
because of TV and television,
we're losing
times as many brain cells
as we're supposed to.
Oh, please.
"The cow says blank."
Three letters.
Dude!
"Dude"!
I don't know.
Magnetic waves, brain cells.
I don't understand the
connection between that stuff.
You know what else I heard?
Magnetic waves shrink
silicone molecules.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oh, my God!
Turn it off!
It's not working!
It's backwards!
- What do we do?
- I don't know!
Oh, my God!
[Television clicks off,
both sigh]
That was kind of scary.
- I know something even scarier.
- What?
Have you heard about
this videotape?
Where they do it on the boat?
And then in the car?
And then in the bathtub?
He's like, "Baby, I love you."
And she's like, "Where are we?"
- And did you see the...
- No.
- Not that tape.
- Oh.
The one with
all the scary images.
After you watch the tape,
the phone rings.
And this scary voice comes on
and says you're gonna die in...
Seven days. I saw that one
with Josh last weekend.
You were with Josh last weekend?
- Oh, my God!
- [Laughs]
Oh, yes, I was.
Oh, you ho!
You know it!
Oh!
- [Fabric ripping]
- Aah!
[Telephone ringing]
[Snaps, whimpers]
This is really weird.
Yeah.
Big house, only one phone.
Hello?
Hello?
WOMAN:
I'm coming for you, my precious.
Hi, Mom.
Hi, precious.
Having fun?
Hey, ask her which bathroom has
the vibrating showerhead.
[Thunder crashes]
Hello?
Hello?
[Creaking]
- [Toaster dings]
- [Gasps, screams]
[Squawking]
Katie?
Katie?
Katie?
Are you okay?
Are you okay?
Aah!
[Girl screams]
Ow.
[Girl screams]
God!
[Urinating]
[Girl screams]
[Urinating stops,
screaming stops]
[Urinating resumes]
[Girl screams]
[Urinating stops,
screaming stops]
[Urinating resumes,
screaming resumes, both stop]
[Urinating resumes,
screaming resumes, both stop]
- Oh!
- [Crash]
[Wind whipping]
Whoa.
[Wind whipping]
- Tom, did you hear...
- [Dog barks]
The dogs are acting strange.
[Barking]
[Whimpers]
[Girl screams]
[Girl screams]
Sue!
What are you doing out here?
We were worried sick.
What's wrong?
I wonder what they're
trying to tell us.
ANNOUNCER:
And now...
Washington, D.C.'s
leading morning news program,
"The Morning News."
Good morning.
I'm Ross Giggins.
For our top story,
we turn now to Cindy Campbell.
Thank you, Ross.
There's a developing story
in Middleburg at this hour.
A mysterious
crop circle appeared
in local farmer Tom Logan's
cornfield.
Elaborate prank
or extraterrestrial phenomenon?
We'll update you as soon as we
have any further information.
But either way,
it's clear something strange
is happening in that small town.
Ross?
I'm sorry.
I wasn't listening.
Coming up, more news after this.
- Cindy, you got a second?
- Sure.
I want you to take a look at
this for that strip club exposé.
But I'd rather stick with
the crop circle story.
Oh, come on. You know
those things are just a hoax.
No, I'm telling you, I sense
something about that cornfield.
Call it women's intuition
or ESPN or both.
But I can tell
when danger's near.
[Gasps]
Ow!
Ow!
My eyes!
Cindy, it's sweeps month.
Ratings mean everything.
People want
human interest stories.
Like the one you did yesterday.
The report
on breast augmentation?
It was just minutes
of topless women.
I mean, come on.
MAN: Wow!
Why are these so interesting?
Oh, for God's sake.
[Sighs]
People don't care about this.
They want hard-hitting stories
and in-depth coverage and...
And twins!
I love parties
that never end
Dogs that love cats
And... And twins
I love burritos
at : a.m.
Parties that never end
Dogs that love cats
You think it was
the Kreisel boys
who cut that stuff
into your corn?
All I know is my crops are gone.
The bank's gonna foreclose
if I can't pay the rent.
I got days
to come up with $ . .
I'm sorry.
The last thing you needed
was more...
[Blowing nose]
...hardship in your life.
Especially after
what happened to...
Sheriff, I don't need
your sympathy.
I didn't mean to upset you,
Father.
Please.
I'm not a minister anymore.
I lost my faith
that terrible night.
Your faith will return.
Just as sure
as the sun will rise.
Sounds like a long shot.
Look, there's always
an explanation
for all this so-called
phenomena.
Maybe you're right.
It was probably
just the Kreisels.
And when I get through
with them,
I doubt you'll be seeing
anything strange on this farm
for a long time.
You'll see.
You all right, Tom?
Get some rest.
George!
[Humming]
George!
I need you back here tomorrow
night after you pick up Sue.
That tractor needs fixing.
Sorry, dawg. I can't help you.
I have to get ready for my show.
Not that stupid
hip-hop stuff again.
Damn it, when are you going to
do something with your life?
I got a dream!
- What is your dream?
- To have a dream.
George, all you've done
is chase adolescent fantasies.
"I want to be an astronaut.
A cowboy.
Gynecologist to the stars."
And now this stupid
hip-hop thing.
For your information,
this hip-hop thing is gonna
get me paid.
I'm gonna win that rap battle.
Rap battle?
Oh, for God's sake.
You just hate me
'cause I'm black.
You don't have any faith in me.
You don't have any faith
in anything anymore.
So why don't you just worry
about you,
and I'll worry about...
Aah!
[Car alarm activates]
Cody!
You're late again, Aunt Cindy.
I'm sorry.
I was stuck in traffic.
Cindy!
Brenda, hi!
Oh, it's great to see you!
Oh, it's been so long.
Oh, too long.
I've been working so hard.
I've had to spend more
and more time at the station.
The news just keeps coming in.
What was the assignment?
Draw your family and friends.
Oh.
Anyone new in your life, Cindy?
Well, you know, I just haven't
found the right guy.
I'm looking for something more
than just good sex.
I know.
You want commitment.
No, I want great sex.
And when I meet that guy...
That's what I'm talking 'bout!
You want a guy that's like,
bam, bam, bam!
You know what I'm saying?
Did I say stop drawing?
Look, when I meet Mr. Right,
I'll know.
[Humming]
Uncle George!
Hey, sweetie!
Come here!
How are you?
Oh!
Mmm!
Go get your stuff, okay?
I know you.
You're Tom Logan's brother.
And you're that reporter,
Cindy Campbell.
You did the story
on our cop cycles.
Crop circles.
Right.
So, you're here
to pick up your...
Nephew, Cody.
You don't dress like a farmer.
My brother's the farmer.
I'm the rapper.
- Hmm.
- Oh, for real.
And here's the - - on that.
That's phone repair.
You mean - - .
Right.
So, I'll be doing the rap battle
at the Club tomorrow night.
Oh, I don't believe this shit.
Word!
You two should come down!
I'll be rappin',
I'll be cappin',
I'll be tappin',
I'll be flappin',
I'll be happen-ing.
Ding, bing, wing.
- Yo!
- Sounds good!
Would, could, should, 'hood.
- Ugh!
- Gug, mug, dug, bug.
If we say we'll come,
will you shut your ass up?
Okay, then.
Fresh.
I'll see you guys
tomorrow night.
Okay. Bye.
Peace out.
Now, who the fuck did that?
Honey, what is it?
Are you having
one of your visions?
There's a girl...
with black hair.
She wants to kill you.
Your period starts
in three... two... one.
What else?
Cody, what else do you see?
I see a little boy
and a grown woman.
But no father.
Oh, Cody.
I see you kneeling in dog shit.
What? Ugh!
Oh, for God's sake.
Cody, don't you understand?
As long as we have each other,
that's all we need.
I know things have been tough
for you since your mom died.
God, I have been so selfish.
Always putting my career first.
From now on, I'm gonna be
thinking about you ...
Damn!
Wait, Cindy!
Wait!
Aah!
Honey, I'm gonna be
leaving soon, so...
Do you know who she is?
No.
But sometimes she talks to me.
She's coming tonight.
[Knock on door]
Oh, Father Muldoon.
Cindy.
I'm so grateful you could come.
I've called all over
for babysitters.
I don't mind filling in
now and then.
Where is little Cody?
[Footsteps]
- [Door slams]
- I don't know.
He must be back in his room,
playing.
Anyway, I left a number where
I can be reached on the table.
Also, he has a little rash
on his behind.
So make sure he takes a bath.
Thank you, Father.
Good night.
Cody?
You can't stop us
Who you looking at?
Don't try to drop us
This ain't no...
[Crowd cheering]
MAHALIK: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's getting thick up in here.
Hey, look, before we get on
with the battles tonight,
I got a couple announcements
to make.
I know y'all want to bust a cap
in the air
for your favorite rapper.
But if you could please hold on
to your gunfire
until the end of the show.
[Jeering]
Let's just put the safeties on.
It's on the left side of the gun
above the trigger guard.
[Bullet ricochets,
woman shrieks]
Will somebody get his ass
out of here?
All right.
Deejay, spin that shit!
[Up-tempo beat plays]
[Crowd cheers]
Whoa!
My bad.
Mother...
Brenda, is something wrong?
You look scared.
I don't know. All that stuff
you was saying on TV...
I just got a weird feeling
something bad is heading my way.
Like when you see
an Asian person
behind the wheel of a car.
Cindy, after the show, you think
you could come back to my crib
and hang out with me?
I don't want to be alone.
Oh, of course I will, Brenda.
Oh, I love you.
Pay my way, okay?
Yo, yo, yo, George!
What's up with the man
with the tightest rap game
on the streets, baby?
- What's good with you, boy?
- Dude!
What's good, baby?
Finally, the white man is gonna
school the black man
on how to rap.
- Yeah!
- Yeah. Yeah, I guess.
How many people are here,
you think?
I don't know, man.
whitey-hating,
chrome-packing,
ready to bust a cap
in any white boy's ass
- who ain't bringing that shit.
- Yeah. At least. Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Word.
What's wrong, George?
You ever wonder when it's time
to stop living up here
and start living down here?
No, but what if we stop living
over here and move over there?
My Aunt ShaNeequa used to live
over there, man.
But that bitch got evicted.
- Word? What for?
- I'm dead serious.
- Mice.
- Mice? I thought she had rats.
No, man. Rats are outside.
Mice are inside.
What if a mouse goes outside?
Does it become a rat?
If a rat is in the house,
is it a mouse?
I ain't never seen
no mouse outside.
That's because it's a rat, fool!
Damn, you might have just made
a fact just now.
Fellas, what are you guys
talking about?
Yo, George, you need something?
'Cause I will do anything
for you.
Anything.
Well, about those
chrome-packing,
whitey-hating gangsters,
perhaps...
- What he need is a hype man.
- Word!
Yeah, yeah, a-come on
You can be his Spliff Star.
That's me.
That's what I do.
That's my job, baby!
That's what I do!
You know that.
Goddamn.
[Crash]
I'm cool.
That's what I do.
When you a hype man,
you take them hits.
Heads or tail, playboy,
what's it gonna be?
You cannot escape
your fate in the streets
Okay, I count cash,
you count sheep
You better not sleep
on the beats, capisce
[Crowd cheering]
All right, all right, all right!
That was hot!
That's what I'm talking about.
That was hot, right?
Right?
Yo, what do we think?
I thought you were both
absolutely dreadful.
Ghastly.
What?
I don't know
what I'm doing here.
This club is totally pathetic.
[Crowd yelling]
Everybody put your hands up
You ready, George?
- It's showtime, baby.
- Okay.
I just want to let you know
no matter what goes on
on that stage tonight...
you'll always be in my heart.
Oh, that's love.
That's love right there.
- I love you.
- That's what I'm talking about.
I love you, man.
Can you feel it?
Can you feel my love
on your hip?
Can you feel it?
C. J:
I can't get around!
Come on, dawg!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
You go out there and you
rip it tonight. All right, man?
You do your thing tonight,
all right?
- Okay. Cool.
- We shouldn't have to do that.
We love each other.
I'm gonna go bring you on.
Let's do it, baby.
We hyped!
Yeah.
All right, all right.
Y'all ready
for the next throwdown?
To my left, we have
the reigning champion.
Hailing from Fort Apache
in the Bronx.
B X!
What? What? What?
Some of y'all call him
"Jealous Ones Still Envy."
Some of y'all call him
the Don Cartagena!
Some of y'all call him
Joey Crack.
Stick 'em up!
But, tonight, let's give it up
for Fat Joe!
I got to go against him?
Give it up!
Give it up!
What you think,
they're here to see Fat Joe?
CROWD:
Joe! Joe! Joe!
No, man, they're saying,
"Go! Go! Go!"
Now my challenger.
Whoo!
He's a farmer rapper.
So you know he been kicking
the shit all day!
Let's give it up
for my man, George!
That's what I'm talking about!
Yeah! Yeah!
Come on, everybody!
Put your hands...
That's right.
Okay, Joey Crack.
You're the reigning champion,
so you get to spit first.
Yo, deejay, spin that shit!
[Mid-tempo beat plays]
These guys can't be serious
right here.
Stan and Mini-Me
A.K.A. I hope he ain't
the one you fight with
Hey, yo,
this nigga's mad corny
And ain't got no skills,
'cause he's all right
TOGETHER:
But he's not real
Don't mean to hurt
your feelings
But you'll never get a deal
'Cause he's all right,
but he's not real
You're a needle
in a haystack
I'm the don,
the city slicker
Forget cows
and milk your moms
Her titties give ya
that elixir
Thought he wasn't?
Bet this nigga end up
having kids with his cousin
Half-retarded,
my number-one fan be like
[Stammers]
That means Fat Joe's
the man
You're a liar in denial
Kill your ass quicker
than I died in "Empire"
How dare you want to joust
with me?
Looking like you dying
of S ARS or mad cow disease
You fake B-Rabbit
out to battle me
Eight miles down the road
The farm's thataway
Oh! Okay, let's go!
Wait a minute!
MAHALIK:
Whoo! All right!
All right!
That was hot!
That was tight, Fat Joe.
Yo!
Now everybody give it up
for my man, George!
Deejay, spin that shit!
- Whoo!
- [Mid-tempo beat plays]
Come on! Come on!
Everybody!
[Note plays]
Bitch
[Lower note plays]
Ho
[Notes playing]
Now everybody in the - -
Throw your hands in the air
'cause Fat Joe is through
Now everybody in the - -
throw 'em up
- Check it out.
- [Chanting] Go! Go! Go!
I'm a white boy,
but my neck is red
I put Miracle Whip
on my Wonder Bread
My face is pale,
Nah, I've never been in jail
Me and Buffy spend
every winter at Vail
How many bitches
have I slapped?
Zero, unh
And Martha Stewart
happens to be my hero
I grew up on a farm,
and I was born with no rhythm
Dr. Phil's my uncle,
and I like to hang with him
I can't dance,
I wear khaki pants
My middle name's Lance,
my grandma's from France
So maybe I'm wack
'cause my skin ain't black
But you can't talk smack
'Cause whitey
just struck back
Whoo!
That's what I'm talking about!
MAHALIK:
Give it up for George!
That's my boy right there!
That's what...
Oh, shit.
Ooh.
[Crowd murmuring]
George! George!
The hood!
Lose the hood!
- I know. We're in the 'hood now!
- No, man!
He's a dead man.
You guys feeling me?
In the 'hood?
[Crowd booing]
Whoa! Whoa!
Aah!
That's it.
I'm done.
Oh, man, you can't give up rap
just like that.
Rap shmap.
Look! You still got it!
See?
BRENDA: Thanks for coming over
tonight, Cindy.
I guess I'm just going through
a rough time.
Brenda, you want to tell me
what's really bothering you?
Well, there's something
I need to...
I saw a tape.
I think you should know
about it.
It had these really
shocking images, Cindy.
Brenda, it was Mardi Gras.
I never drank vodka before,
and I was out of beads!
No, not that tape, Cindy.
Well, I guess it's just
an urban legend.
You watch it.
And as soon as it's over,
your phone rings
and a creepy voice says...
[Distorted voice] "You're
gonna die in seven days."
[Normal voice]
And seven days later...
When did you watch it?
A week ago.
A week ago tonight.
Brenda.
Oh, my God!
- Oh, Brenda!
- [Choking]
Brenda!
Oh, my God!
- Oh! Oh!
- [Laughs]
Oh, my God!
You bitch!
Ketchup!
You should have seen
the look on your face!
You got me!
- Brenda? Brenda?
- [Stammering]
Oh, my God, Brenda!
Brenda?
[Screams]
I can't believe you fell
for that fake seizure!
But it seemed so real!
- It did, didn't it?
- And you peed!
Yeah! I really sold
that shit, didn't I?
I just love the look on
your face when you are scared!
Girl, you are too easy.
- Aah!
- Aah!
I got you
with the old fake hand!
Ooh!
Girl, you were scared!
Well, I know!
Oh, come on.
I was just kidding.
Well, you've taken it
too far, Brenda.
I'm gonna go get
the rest of the popcorn.
Cindy?
Oh, forget it.
I am not falling for it again.
Oh, come on.
Cindy, the news is on.
Another little white girl
done fell down a well.
black people get their
ass beat by police today,
but the whole world got to stop
for one little whitey
down a hole.
Cindy!
The TV's leaking!
Cindy?
Cindy, something's wrong here.
Cindy, this bitch
is messing up my floor!
[Whimpers]
Cindy, help me!
I'm not listening.
Get up, you little ugly bitch,
Come on!
Let me see what you got!
What you gonna do?
That's all?
Ooh!
Ooh!
I'm whipping her ass, Cindy!
Yeah!
What's up?
[Grunts]
Ooh!
Aah!
Cindy, please help me!
- Cindy!
- [Telephone rings]
Okay.
Hang on a second.
Hello?
Father Muldoon here.
We're getting along famously.
Thanks again, Father.
Bye-bye.
Brenda?
Brenda?
Brenda?
Aah!
GEORGE:
Oh, my God.
Yes. Yes.
Of course I'll tell her.
Thank you.
Sue's teacher, Brenda.
She's...
She's dead.
Oh.
I better tell her.
No, no, no.
I can do it.
Sue?
Yes?
You know your teacher,
Miss Brenda?
Yeah.
- She's dead!
- Aah!
Gone forever!
Died a horrible, painful death!
Gone, gone, gone,
just like your dog!
My dog's dead?
I just ran him over with the car
when I drove in!
Everyone you love around you
is dying!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Hello, Father.
Don't call me Father.
I haven't been
a clergyman since...
I'm sorry about that night.
If I hadn't fallen asleep
while driving
for that exact minutes.
If I hadn't drank that exact
whole bottle of Jägermeister.
If only I hadn't killed
that hooker.
Sayaman.
I don't see what any of this
has to do with Annie.
I'm sorry.
Those were other nights.
But if it had been that night,
I might have missed her.
That terrible night.
[Whimpers]
["Mexican Hat Dance" plays]
Hey!
It's your wife, Father.
She's hurt.
Annie?
She was hit by a truck,
and she's pinned against a tree.
I don't understand.
As long as the truck has her
pinned, she'll stay alive.
I still don't get it.
This is your wife.
She broke her wiener?
Look what happens to the taco.
Look, I don't understand
all this fancy medical lingo.
I want to see Annie.
She's split in half.
You mean like down-the-middle
in half?
At the waist.
You mean this is the last time
I can talk to the top half?
Yes.
The truck is the only thing
that is holding her together.
Let's say this is
her bottom half.
Can I squeeze in
a few minutes with that?
I'm not sure what you mean.
- Let me explain.
- Tom.
Go to her.
Tom, I'll need a ride home.
Hey, baby.
How's it going?
Oh, I'm dying, Tom.
Don't talk like that.
The truck barely hit you.
[Coughs]
Honey.
Kiss me one last time.
Promise me you'll never remarry.
I promise.
And no sex, either.
I'm sorry.
I didn't catch that.
[Grunts]
No sex.
Honey, you're not
speaking clearly.
- Your injuries must be awful.
- No sex.
Oh, cruel fate to shroud my
wife's dying words in mystery.
- No sex!
- Poor Annie.
We hardly knew her.
- She'll be missed terribly.
- Oh, Jesus.
That's right, honey.
Go into the light.
Look!
Just tell George, swing away.
Right.
Swing away.
Oh, sure.
That you understand.
[Gasps]
Annie?
Annie!
I'm sorry, dude.
Don't call me dude.
I'm not a stoner anymore.
Not since...
["Mexican Hat Dance" plays]
Goodbye, Tom.
[Tires screech]
[Sheep bleating, crash]
[Horn blaring]
Amazing grace
How sweet...
I'm so sorry,
Mr. and Mrs. Meeks.
Brenda was a good friend
when she was alive.
[Crying]
My sweet, sweet Brenda.
She looks so peaceful.
Oh...
If only God had taken us
instead of our daughter.
And knowing your Brenda
like I did,
I'd say she wishes
the same thing.
These just came today.
Photos from a trip she took.
They're blank.
Turn them around, honey.
Oh.
Yes, of course.
Who's this?
That's Ralph.
He's right over there.
Cody?
It's a boy.
He's going to be an asshole.
Smoke all you want.
You're gonna get hit by a bus.
That's not fooling anyone.
Cindy.
- George.
- Hey.
Sue wanted to pay her respects
to her teacher.
You?
Brenda was my bitch.
Of course.
Hmm.
Are you okay?
It's just the open coffin.
I can't believe they leave it
out here like this.
- George, it's a wake!
- Awake?!
- Brenda! It's a miracle!
- No! George, stop!
I thought you were dead!
Sue, your teacher's alive!
Hello?!
I got your back, George!
I got your back!
She's alive!
I'll tell you what!
- Oh!
- [Crowd gasping]
GEORGE: Mahalik!
She's alive! Brenda!
George, stop!
She's dead!
No!
We won't lose you again!
Mahalik, help!
Nothing!
- Ooh!
- [Screams]
She's not breathing!
No!
Live, damn it!
Live!
Live, damn it!
Live!
Let me open her windpipe!
MRS. MEEKS:
No! Oh, God!
Charles!
Charles, stop them!
Breathe!
Someone stop them!
What are they doing?!
Get up!
She's alive!
She's alive!
Wake up!
Breathe!
[All shouting]
- Charles! Charles!
- Clear!
No!
Aah!
I got something!
I got something!
[Gasps, screams]
Aah!
- That's it!
- George!
That's the last time I try to
bring anyone back from the dead.
George, don't get down
on yourself.
I know you were only trying
to help.
You're a good, caring person.
Which is why I like you.
Oh, thanks, Cindy.
But I don't want to
screw your life up, too.
The most caring thing I could do
for everyone right now
is to just get out of here.
George!
What about Sue?
Oh, yes.
Of course.
Once I get Sue, then...
Wait!
I could really use a friend
right now.
Brenda's gone.
Cody resents me.
And I'm caught up in something
I can't even...
Oh, God, it's so hard!
Well, you're beautiful and
you're pressing up against me.
Look, Cindy.
I know you'd never consider
going out with a guy like me.
But if you're not too busy
tomorrow night...
Is that a yes?
Yes.
Cindy, did Brenda
ever talk to you about a tape?
She did mention something.
Do you mind if I go upstairs
and look around?
Yes, go.
Of course. Go.
Cody, I'll be right back, okay?
You're getting lucky tonight.
He doesn't know you're a guy.
[Thunder crashes]
[Thud]
Oh, shit.
[Splash]
[Stammering]
[Vomiting]
[Growls]
[Telephone ringing]
Hello?
[Man speaking indistinctly]
What?
Willie Mays?
[Mumbling]
Who's gay?
Hello?
[Mumbling]
What?
Can you hear me now?
Kind of.
- Can you hear me now?
- Yes. Perfect.
Seven days.
Seven days.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna die next Monday?
Yes.
No. Wait.
Monday. That would be
seven business days.
This is seven days starting now.
So seven days to this very hour?
My watch broke.
How am I gonna know
the exact hour?
Forget hours.
This day seven days from now.
But there's a holiday coming up.
Do you count the holiday?
Well, that depends.
What holiday?
- Martin Luther King Day.
- Then no.
Why not? Everybody at work
is taking it off.
Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving
you seven friggin' days.
I can come over now and kill the
shit out of you if you'd rather.
[Click, dial tone]
Yo, George, I don't care
what you say, man.
I'm signing you up
for another rap battle.
Mahalik, I told you.
That part of my life is over.
I said the same thing about
getting with C.J.'s sister.
- I'm still hitting that.
- He's still hitting it, man!
And she fine as shit!
That's my sister! What?
It doesn't matter.
I'm done.
- So what are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
[Laughs]
Yeah! Yeah!
A-come on!
Maybe my brother was right.
Maybe I should just settle down.
[Laughing]
- What's up, then?!
- Mother...
I got another one, y'all.
Yo, George, man, you can't focus
on that shit, man.
- Let that go.
- [Laughing]
Hey, you got to try
this shit, George.
Ow!
Yo, man, you got to take
the lid off!
- Oh, yes. Of course.
- Sorry!
[Cellphone rings]
Hello?
CIND Y: George, something
terrible has happened!
[Gasps]
Cindy, are you okay?
What's going on?
George, you have to help me.
I just watched the same tape
that killed Brenda.
Then the phone rang, and this
voice said I was gonna die.
Cindy, there's no such thing
as a killer videotape.
- Oh.
- Hell, yeah, there is!
I know somebody who can
help you.
- You do? Who?
- Wait up, man.
I heard Jamal from th street
watched that tape last week.
This morning he woke up dead.
How in the hell
do you wake up dead?
'Cause you're alive
when you go to sleep.
You're telling me you can go
to bed dead and wake up alive?
MAHALIK:
You can't go to bed dead!
- That shit would be redundant.
- No, it wouldn't.
'Cause you can go to bed
and not be dead.
And you can die
but not be in a bed.
But you are in a bed, man.
That's how you wake up dead
in the first place!
Damn! That's some quantum shit
right there, man!
You should be teaching classes!
- Just tell me who can help me!
- Damn!
My Aunt ShaNeequa.
Her and her man
into this weird shit.
They saw the tape before anybody
else knew about it.
- Go see them tonight.
- Tonight? Yeah.
But who will take care of Cody?
COD Y: George,
we're gonna have so much fun.
I have some puzzles
and board games
and baseball cards in my room
and this really cool
model airplane.
- I'm gonna go get it.
- Sure.
Okay, so I made him a snack.
You can give him some warm milk
if he can't go to sleep.
- Everything's gonna be fine.
- Here it is.
I'm great with kids.
Heads up, Cody.
Ugh!
- Oh, I left some numbers.
- I'm okay.
Ugh!
Sorry.
You okay, kiddo?
Thataboy.
- [Tires screech, horn honks]
- And I guess that's it.
- Okay, I'm off.
- Right.
You know, it's funny.
All a child ever really wants
is a family.
Yo.
Cody really likes you.
Oh, he's a good kid.
Yeah.
Oh!
- Bye.
- Bye.
- [Door closes]
- [Exhales deeply]
Hello?
I know.
You're Cindy.
Be right with you.
Aunt ShaNeequa?
Bingo.
But you can call me
the Oracle.
And don't worry about that vase.
What vase? Oh!
Sorry. I didn't know.
Oh! Aah!
That vase.
Please, sit.
[Farts]
It was the chair.
Mmm.
[Farting loudly]
Yes, the chair.
I know why you've come.
A great mystery
lies ahead of you,
but you must not shy away
from the challenge.
- Only you can be the one...
- [Door opens]
[Volume on TV increases]
- Orpheus?
- What, baby?
Sweetie?
I'm watching the game.
Do you mind?
The Lakers will win by .
- So can you tell me about...
- The tape?
- Yes. I watched it and...
- The phone rang.
- Right. Then this voice said...
- That you would die.
- Okay, that's getting...
- Extremely annoying.
Yeah.
Try being married to her.
I catch shit about women
I ain't slept with yet.
You made a copy of the tape.
Let's see it.
Yes. Okay.
ShaNeequa, can you tell me if...
The tape is connected to the
crop circles and the aliens?
Yes. But it's up to you
to discover how for yourself.
Look, it's a...
SHANEEQU A:
Cigarette?
I was going to say lighthouse.
ORPHEUS: Find that lighthouse.
It's your destiny.
Wait.
What is that?
Oh, my God.
[Fly buzzes]
There we go.
Ugh!
Now, baby.
I knew that was gonna happen.
Uh-oh.
Come on.
[Whistling]
SHANEEQU A:
Oh, hell, no.
Get your ass out of the TV!
What's wrong with you?
I'm gonna teach you!
Get out of that TV!
Baby, no! No!
Let her go! Let her go!
Let her go!
We gonna get another lawsuit.
She spit on me.
I'm gonna kill the bitch.
Ah!
You won.
You won.
You won.
You won.
- Upstairs.
- Okay.
- Down low.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Baby, no!
- Kill her! Is you crazy?
- Baby!
[Laughs]
What you gonna brush now?
What you gonna brush now, huh?
Come on, baby!
You picked the wrong TV
to come out of.
George?
Cody?
Oh!
George?
- Ow!
- What happened?
I don't know.
Cody and I were playing
a fun game,
and then I looked down.
[Gasps]
Yahtzee!
No!
Oh, my God!
How could you let him
watch the tape?
[Telephone ringing]
Hello?
- MAN: It's me. How you doing?
- Fine.
Enjoying your last week?
I can't wait to see you.
- Six days now, right?
- Yeah.
It was great catching up.
Can I speak to Cody?
Why?
He didn't watch the tape.
Yes, he did. Come on, Cindy,
I do this for a living.
Leave us alone!
[Rings]
Hello?
Hello, I'm calling
from "Reader's Digest"
with a fantastic offer
for Cody.
- [Snickering]
- Aah!
No, you're not! You're that evil
little girl from the tape!
[Laughs]
Okay, you got me.
How about I just leave
a message for him?
Fine.
Uh-huh.
Yeah. Okay, how do you
spell that?
Right.
Okay, got it.
Bye-bye.
Aaaah!
I can't believe
you let that happen.
I know. I'm sorry.
I screwed up.
Listen, we can still save him.
The answer to the tape,
to your crop circles,
is at a lighthouse.
Oh, you think I'm crazy,
don't you?
Of course I do.
But the last thing you need now
is a screw-up like me.
I'm gonna leave for good.
Wait.
Well, what should I tell Cody?
Let him down easy.
Tell him I got called away
on business.
You'll think of something.
Testicular cancer.
He won't ask questions.
I knew you'd understand.
George!
Just...
be careful.
Something weird is going on
at your farm. I know it.
I don't know.
Sometimes a sheep needs
pushed through the fence.
- What?
- Goodbye, Cindy.
[Girl chanting]
- Sue?
- I can't sleep.
Well, it's way past
your bedtime.
Won't you rock me to sleep
in your big, strong arms?
There's plenty of room
under the covers.
It's a hot night.
You don't need to wear pajamas.
Where is my daughter?
Are you mad?
I am your daughter.
No, you're not!
Aaaah!
Aah!
Come here!
What did you do with Sue?
I didn't touch her.
I swear.
I don't believe you!
Please! For God's sake,
she's a girl!
You sick...
Oh!
[Giggles]
- Aah!
- Daddy!
How do you like it, huh?
Having fun?
Aaah!
[Thud]
Tom, are you...
What in the world?
Shh!
Look.
What is that thing?
I don't know.
Maybe Cindy was right.
Please, sir.
All I need is five minutes.
And I told you, Campbell,
no more paranoid on-air rants
- about the supernatural.
- I know.
This station is about sex,
violence, and the weather.
Yes.
That reminds me.
We're gonna need that "Porn Star
Shot Dead in a Hurricane" story.
One hour.
GIGGINS: Meanwhile,
a tornado in Charleston
threatens a clothing-optional
beach where just yesterday
a naked couple
was brutally murdered.
This just five miles
from where the last naked couple
was brutally murdered.
Turning now to sports.
And an evil videotape
that kills anyone
who watches it in seven days.
It's true.
We're all in danger.
- There's an alien force
- Oh, no.
that's trying prevent you
from knowing the truth.
Campbell, are you insane?
It's a horrible fate.
Carson, I have to do this.
Correction,
there really is no danger.
Actually, I didn't really mean
anything I just said.
Yes, I did.
Every word of it.
Everyone watching this
could be dead in a week.
Oh, shizl gzngahr.
[Blabbering]
. I been cleaning after
this dumb-ass cracker Giggins
for years.
But I been hitting it
with his woman for .
Know what I'm saying, nigga?
She likes her some chocolate.
Sharpton for president, y'all.
I'm outie.
Peace.
HARRIS: An evil videotape
that kills people in days.
Alien forces
threatening the world.
And who the hell
is this Cindy Campbell?
If what she says is true, we're
facing an unprecedented crisis.
Get me the president.
You are the president.
Good. Then I already know
about this.
Let's order lunch.
Sir, I think you need
to go on TV
and convince the people that
there is no such thing as a UFO.
Don't spell in front of me,
damn it.
Aliens, sir.
There's no such thing
as aliens.
- That's not quite true.
- Sir?
A year ago, a UFO crash-landed
in New Mexico.
- A body may have been recovered.
- "May have been"?
Well, there was
a terrible mix-up.
It was Thanksgiving.
The body was sent down
to the kitchen.
They shoved stuffing up its ass,
and we ate it at a state dinner.
That's the last I saw of it.
No, scratch that.
There were some sandwiches
made the next day.
Mr. President!
- Listen to me.
- Agent Thompson!
Back away from that window!
What? Did I forget
to put my pants on again?
No, sir. It's just a feeling
I've been having
since the news about the aliens.
- Something's not right.
- I know what you mean.
It's like that feeling
that something's not right.
What is it?
Some old Tupac, sir.
[Hip-hop music plays]
"All eyez on me."
Hey, this shit is banging.
Thank you, sir.
I appreciate it.
- [Air horn blows]
- Oh!
Hello, Cindy.
I am the Architect.
You have many questions.
["Jeopardy!" theme plays]
I've been watching you
for a very long time.
So I see.
What is the connection between
the crop circles and the tape?
The answer is simple.
You are the eventuality
of an anomaly.
You are inexorably seeking
a sedulant probability.
Sedulant?
Grotesquerie?
No?
What about
contingent affirmation?
- That's got to mean something.
- Hey!
Hey!
You put cameras in my bathroom?
[Gasps]
What is this?
Oh, my God.
Well, it was a long winter.
This is an invasion of...
Ow!
Oh, sorry.
I can't help it.
It's very Ionely in here.
Ergo, I haven't been with anyone
in a very long time,
not counting myself.
Or this chair.
I call her...
Linda.
Could you just cut to the chase?
I'm kind of in a rush.
Why? You can always sleep over
if you want.
Linda's built for two,
and she vibrates.
Stop it! Just tell me
what I need to know.
Who is that little girl?
Okay, okay.
My wife and I wanted a child,
but she couldn't get pregnant.
Neither could I.
So you adopted.
We loved our daughter,
but she was evil.
Made the horses crazy,
killed our puppies,
hid the remote.
Really sick shit.
My wife took her
to the old family farm
and drowned her in the well.
I felt a simple time-out
would have been sufficient.
But Tabitha imprinted her evil
on a videotape.
I never meant for it
to get out, but...
But what?
I put it in the wrong box
and returned it to Blockbuster,
instead of my copy
of "Pootie Tang."
It's been circulating
and killing ever since.
Just like "Pootie Tang."
But what does this
have to do with aliens?
I don't know.
Perhaps Tabitha's summoning them
to kill us all.
An alien invasion?
I have to warn the world.
It's already begun.
You're too late.
Oh, my God.
But not too late
to make an old man happy.
What?
And now reports of lights
in the sky.
Glimpses of spacecraft.
Possible alien sightings being
reported all over the world.
Are they aliens?
The first video images
are coming in.
Disturbing home video tonight
from a ranch
outside Sydney, Australia.
Watch very carefully now.
There it is.
Let's see that again.
Very, very disturbing.
And this just in
from Sao Paulo, Brazil.
Let's see that again.
Very, very disturbing.
And this just in
from South Texas.
Do they pose a threat?
Only one thing's for certain.
We are all going to be killed.
We have to board up the house.
HARRIS: Are you sure
this is necessary, Wilson?
Having an awards ceremony
at a time like this?
Yes, sir. Everything must
appear business as usual.
The nation, while not yet
panicked, is deeply disturbed.
Right.
We can steer that course,
keeping everybody
deeply disturbed.
We don't want a panic.
Very few presidents have faced
a crisis like this.
I wonder what President Ford
would've done.
Well, if the buck stops here...
the buck stops here.
Thank you all,
and welcome to the White House.
The Mother Teresa Awards
recognize those
who have overcome
the severest handicaps
and disadvantages
to help others
in their communities.
The young, the old.
Black and white.
Our Native American friends.
Hey, how are you?
[Chanting] Hey, how are you?
Hey, how are you?
Hey, how are you?
Ah.
Well, it is therefore my honor
to present each and every one of
you with this symbol of merit.
The room is secure,
Mr. President.
- Or is it?
- Sir?
I've been thinking, Thompson.
What if the aliens could
take over human bodies?
They'd look just like us.
Or almost.
I never thought of that, sir.
We should be on alert
for anything suspicious.
They could be anywhere.
Even...
Right here.
My God.
We'd never see
the attack coming.
- It's frightening, sir!
- Don't panic.
We'll just move slowly
toward the exit.
[Mechanized voice]
At last we meet, Mr. President.
It's happening.
I knew it.
You'll never take me alive!
Aaaah!
Ah!
She's scrambling my brain!
I'll get her!
Aaah!
Oh, no, you don't!
Not on my watch!
Good work, sir!
Good God!
The small ones have metal teeth!
Jerry's kids, my ass!
WILSON:
Mr. President!
Mr. President, have you gone
completely insane?
Like a fox.
We got to talk to the person
who saw this coming,
Cindy Campbell.
She knows how
to defeat the aliens.
- Filthy, rotten scum!
- Aah!
Aah!
You're hideous!
Get off my planet!
- No!
- Is everything all right?
The exits are all blocked.
I'll find one, sir.
Everybody, clear!
This way, sir!
God, this is exciting!
You're excited?
You should feel my nipples.
Cody?
Cody?
Cody, where are you?
Honey?
GIGGINS: After today's incident
in the East Room,
the White House
is now advising all citizens
to board up their homes and
prepare for an alien invasion.
Oh, no.
And now a News exclusive.
The killer videotape
you've been hearing about.
We're the only station
that has it,
and we're showing it all night.
Very exciting.
Let's roll it again.
There. Nobody's getting
through that sucker.
But we have to get down
to the cellar.
- George.
- Cindy.
There's no time.
Cody.
Thank God.
I've been worried sick.
He showed up about an hour ago.
I tried to call.
No, he didn't.
Okay, but I was gonna.
No, he wasn't.
Cody, the point is you can't
just run away like that.
I wanted to be with George.
Oh, honey, I know
you want a dad, but...
Oh, trust me, Cody,
I'm not good at anything.
Why would I be good at that?
SUE:
Uncle George!
It's gonna be okay, Cody.
I'm going to die, aren't I?
Cody, did I ever tell you
what your mom said
about you
the day you were born?
No.
I was in the delivery room
with her.
She was having a hard time.
Then you began
to come out of her.
And your mom screamed
and screamed in pain.
She yelled, "Just kill me.
Bludgeon me with a bedpan.
Whatever you do,
put me out of this pain."
She was gushing
torrents of blood.
I have this all on tape
if you want to see it someday.
Well, finally you came out.
Your mom cut
your umbilical cord herself.
Well, on the second try.
The first time she snipped
your penis in half.
After all, she was drunk.
Actually, drugged.
We'd been out the night before
celebrating St. Patrick's Day.
She thought, "Hey,
I never tasted crystal meth."
So she did just a little.
My penis?
Yes.
They sewed it on upside down.
So that's why I pee up?
Yes.
We'll get it fixed, honey.
It's on my list of things.
Right after we get TiVo.
Anyway, there you were.
Your mom turned to me and said,
"Hey, you want him?
Take him."
Then she died.
And I took you.
Do you know why?
I had just lost my cat
in a fire,
and I needed something
to pet and feed.
And I miss that cat, Cody.
But I love you.
And nothing's
ever gonna change that,
not even the very painful death
we're about to experience.
TOM:
George!
[Banging]
Are they gone?
I don't hear anything.
[Banging]
[Screams effeminately]
Don't worry, Sue.
SUE:
It was Uncle George.
Well, it's scary.
Good work, Sue.
I don't know what stupid,
idiotic thing
made these lights go off.
All right, there's spare fuses
in the crawl space.
I can get these lights back on.
[Banging]
Quick, George,
grab that railroad tie.
Jam it against the door.
- Oh!
- [Gasps]
My balls!
Oh!
Not those!
Jesus!
No!
SUE:
Uncle George!
I'm scared!
Oh, sweetie, come here.
It's okay.
Aah!
There's something
on the other side of the door.
I can't see anything.
Oh, my God.
Can you see them?
They're horrible.
They're grayish
with big black eyes.
Their teeth are grotesque.
[Trilling]
- I think they're giggling.
- What?
Oh, no.
Oh, no, I think...
- I think they want...
- [Banging]
Aaah!
Help!
Cody!
Oh, my God!
George.
Swing away, George.
- Aah! Aunt Cindy, help!
- I'm coming, Cody.
I'll save you.
- Ugh!
- Die!
Die!
You damn aliens, let him go!
You're not getting in here!
- What else you got?
- George.
There!
Had enough?
Yeah. Forget it, Cody.
Thank me later.
Oh, Cody.
Oh, thank God.
Come on.
SUE:
Daddy!
- Daddy!
- Sue!
Oh!
Mahalik,
what are you doing here?
I told you the hood's
always got your back.
Thank God.
There's two of them at the door.
They're gone.
Good.
They couldn't get in.
I hear they can't open doors.
They mastered space flight,
but they can't get
through a wooden door?
Oh, look, the cellar's
the safest place.
Women and children stay here.
- Ugh!
- All right, and the men,
we go outside and fight.
Right. And what's
the cutoff age for children?
Come on!
[Groans]
[Rustling]
- [Shovel cocks]
- Follow me.
[Tires screeching]
I'm sorry.
I thought
I was hitting the brake.
Now, we don't have to go
through insurance, do we?
Mr. President,
what are you doing here?
I'm looking for Cindy Campbell.
She may hold the key
to defeating the aliens.
Ah, good. The Air Force is here
with those new round planes.
We don't have round planes, sir.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- [Hip-hop music plays]
- Wait. Do you hear that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
- Yo, what's up, George?
- C.J.!
I told you the 'hood
always got your back.
I got the boys with me.
Get out the car, man.
Who we gonna shoot?
Is y'all ready to go step?
Let's go do this,
'cause I'm hyped right now!
- Real hyped!
- You stepped on my shoe, bitch!
Call me "bitch" again,
and I'll park your truck
dead in your ass.
Damn, homey!
- In the cornfield.
- They're coming!
Me and my boys,
we gonna take care of this.
Come on, let's go.
Son, I'd bust
this shit right now.
- Your mama!
- I got your number, homey.
- We over here, y'all!
- He ain't gonna bust nothing.
I got nuts bigger than him.
Whoa, country-ass,
maple-syrup nigga.
Yeah, you want some biscuits?
You want some biscuits?
Get down!
Get down!
I can't believe what I just saw.
These men died
for their country.
Send flowers
to their bitches and hos.
I can't break free!
Think! They must have
some kind of weakness.
- Huh?
- Huh?
I found it!
Without their heads,
they're powerless!
Please, no.
We mean you no harm.
We traveled to your planet
to find an evil little girl.
We must destroy her
before seven days.
You mean you watched
the videotape?
Our satellite picked up what
we thought was "Pootie Tang."
That was a week ago.
And now our entire race will die
unless the girl is destroyed.
Oh, see?
They are peaceful.
If they're so peaceful,
why were they choking us?
Oh, that's how we say hello.
- Hello!
- Nice to see you.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Well, how do you guys
say goodbye?
Oh!
[Groans]
I had to ask.
If you think that's strange,
you should see how we pee.
[Choking]
So we're not so different
after all.
There's something
about this place.
It's like I've seen it before.
Oh, my God.
This used to be their farm.
She died right here.
There's something down there.
Ugh!
Hey, awesome.
Yeah, you got it.
Just look at this.
Human beings and aliens
working together.
We're all just
one big galactic family.
Family.
That's just what
I've been running away from.
Well, that's because
you're an idiot.
This is it.
ARCHITECT: My wife took her
to the family farm
and drowned her in the well.
The little girl.
She's frightened of the well.
[Gasps]
Aah!
- Ugh!
- Cindy!
[Crowbar clanks]
[Chainsaw sputters, buzzes]
Time to go back
down the well, bitch.
[Growling]
Cindy!
No.
Don't hurt him!
Cindy, come outside.
- The aliens aren't invading.
- Aah!
Aah!
Don't worry, Cody.
I'll save you.
- Aah!
- CIND Y: Wait!
Wait.
Don't do this.
You don't have to be evil.
I know what happened
to you, Tabitha.
I know what your mom did.
That was wrong.
You were just a little girl.
You're still that little girl,
just a lot more corpsy
and with really bad teeth.
But maybe all you need
is a mother.
And a father.
We could be...
A family.
Thank you all.
Your love has broken the curse
and freed my soul.
I'll never have to kill again.
Really?
Nah!
I'm just screwing with you!
[Grunts]
Aah!
I just want to tell you both
good luck.
- We're all counting on you.
- [Splash]
Now it's over.
- [Gasps]
- Aah!
Oh, no, no, it's okay.
He's our friend.
Thank you for saving
our species.
Now we must return
to our home planet.
Goodbye, then.
Ugh!
Goodbye.
Hey, congratulations, George!
You know the 'hood
always got your back.
Yeah, yeah!
Come on!
Bye!
Whoo!
- Oh!
- Oh!
ALL: Bye!
Oh, George, I'm so happy.
Finally we're a family.
Yeah.
You, me, and...
- Damn!
- Damn!
[Tires screeching]
Cindy, George, wait!
[Sighs]
Come on
"Scary Movie "
Welcome to the future, baby
You think you hot shit 'cause
you got ice on your wrist
Now, y'all picture this...
tough guy turned snitch
Knew he was lying
by the way his eyes twitch
He gulp when he swallow
When he spoke,
his voice pitch
My first thought's
to slap him up, but I'm grown
So I dropped a jewel
in his ear
Told him get on,
leave it alone
Now he's asking questions he
shoulda asked from the start
I'm gonna spit from the
heart, spit till it's dark
From the stage in the park,
I'm gonna bite if you bark
Just to show him
that it's fun to me
And take a look at what
being broke gonna mean
I am the truth,
plus I'm hungry
Heads or tail, playboy,
what's it gonna be?
You cannot escape your fate
in the streets
Okay, I'll count cash,
you count sheep
Better not sleep
on the beats, capisce
Ain't no jokes in here
Ain't nothing but grown folk
up in here
Don't come poking
your nose in here
Listen to me,
I ain't scared
Ain't no jokes in here
Ain't nothing but
grown folks up in here
Don't come poking
your nose in here
Listen to me,
I ain't scared
Now, Dame Lee
This is slow motion
like a Japanese warrior
I'm a shogun
If I got beef
with more than one problem
You can't afford 'em, son
Used to mess with your chick
out of boredom, son
Then I'd make her leave
like she was autumn, son
I'm not talking to him,
I'm talking to all of them
I don't discriminate,
I'm who they women love
Yo, I'm who
they kids look up to
Hi, my name is Dame Lee
I do it 'cause I can,
do you blame me?
Watch how you feel about me
Everything
that I spit is true
And my fam got the same blood
running through them, too
You shook, son,
look at how you looking
Wearing tampon singles
I'm a beast over beats
I count cash,
you count sheep
Don't sleep on the beats
I'm a beast
Ain't no jokes in here
Ain't nothing but grown folk
up in here
Don't come poking
your nose in here
Listen to me,
I ain't scared
Ain't no jokes in here
Ain't nothing but grown folk
up in here
Don't come poking
your nose in here
Listen to me...
You can live or you can
die, die, die
You can bounce up like a "G"
or break down and cry
You's a beotch, unh, yeah
And that's word
from the ill crowd
Thug, look at what you got,
please
Poppin' shots
on your enemies
It ain't no slick talkin'
your way out the battle
The tension's real thick,
gettin' beefier than cattle
So you cowboys grab
your heater and your saddle
Mount up, unh, yeah,
get your jollies
Don't be too nervous, buddy,
'cause I'ma get to dissin'
While your homey's
givin' up
Two fingers
like Richard Nixon
I keep it real street 'cause
I'm bred from the street
T-shirt upon my back,
Chuck Taylors on my feet
Major bubblin'
major fumblin', be troublin'
Broads is into major humpin',
I'm livin' for somethin'
I envied nothin',
I never be frontin'
Just check how a be coming
Bonecrusher,
homey, you heard
Might be boozy
but I ain't bankin' no curves
Off the dank and the drank,
I be chasin' them skirts
Thug, look at what you got,
please
Poppin' shots
on your enemies
Thug, look at what you got,
please
Poppin' shots
on your enemies
Listen and observe me
Doo doo like tore sandals
I never reach,
I got pull like door handles
Boy got flame, man,
I burn like your candles
Are you in key
on your life's piano?
Lifestyle is "Sopranos"
Here today
but then you're gone tomorrow
Proceed to bubble...
The need is kind of dire,
live wire
Like an electric bo x
during a storm
Forced to live like this
Or that's how real
it's gonna get
You can live or you can
die, die, die
You can bounce up like a "G"
or break down and cry
You's a beotch, unh, yeah
And that's word
from the ill crowd
Thug, look at what you got,
please
Poppin' shots
on your enemies
Thug, look at what you got,
please
Poppin' shots
on your enemies
[Kebyar's "Smoke It Up" plays]
Just shake and break
and roll it up
Just stay and blaze
and smoke it up
And if you're not alone,
then you better find the door
Now, while you hang around
V.I.P.
Naw, we smokin' good,
should be chillin' with me
You like the way
the green tickle your nose
Making you want to slip out
those clothes and get...
I hear you giggle
but you know it's the truth
Why don't you bounce in my
crib, we can roll on the roof
You can introduce Kebyar
to your crew
We can get down and maybe
they would like to come, too
Just shake and break
and roll it up
Just stay and blaze
and smoke it up
Just shake and break
and roll it up
Just stay and blaze
and smoke it up
And if you're not alone,
then you better find the door
Time to bring it in on,
all night I'm on the wrong...
My Caddy ridin' down the
lookin' live up in the ride
I love it,
the way it makes me move now
Blow it out my nose
on the way to the door
I want it, I need it
to make me groove now
If I don't have it...
I love it,
the way it makes me move now
Yo, yo, yo
Who you lookin' at?
Tryin' to clock us?
I ain't feelin' that,
you can't stop us
Who you lookin' at?
Don't try to drop us
'Cause ain't nobody,
can't nobody ever touch us
Yeah, notice...
Bullets spark through
your parka
But it's really your fault
It was silly to talk
Feelin' ya grillin' me
Stop tryin' to get rid of me,
the streets know this
See, death threats
are never bogus
If you're dead wrong,
we stand strong
Collective soldiers,
warriors
By any means
come out victorious
Don't be sayin' my name
Who you lookin' at?
Tryin' to clock us?
I ain't feelin' that,
you can't stop us
Who you lookin' at?
Don't try to drop us
'Cause ain't nobody,
can't nobody ever touch us
You don't want to
get bitten by pedigree...
Venomous sting sideline him
till his physique
Looks like a leak,
distressed, took like a thief
He quit thuggin'
cold turkey
Yo, who you lookin' at?
Tryin' to clock us?
I ain't feelin' that,
you can't stop us
Who you lookin' at?
Don't try to drop us
'Cause ain't nobody,
can't nobody ever touch us
Hey, yo,
what you feelin' like?
I got ya
[Dame Lee's "Rock Rock
Bounce Bounce" plays]
I'm one of the greatest
natural phenomenons
Like Ramadan
I wish you could see what
I've seen when the drama's on
And when the drama's on
Call flex,
the bomb is on
Cocked and loaded
Safely holstered
under my left arm
Cold shoulder,
that's how I hold it
Now I play the drama bringer,
degrader
Dame Lee
Rock, rock, rock,
bounce, bounce, bounce
Rock, rock, rock,
bounce, bounce, bounce
Rock, rock, rock,
bounce, bounce, bounce
Dame Lee, Dame Lee
Rock, rock, rock,
bounce, bounce, bounce
MAHALIK:
Deejay, spin that shit!
- [Note plays]
- GE ORGE: Bitch
- [Lower note plays]
- Ho
[Notes playing]
GE ORGE: Now everybody
in the - -
Throw your hands in the air
'cause Fat Joe is through
Now everybody in the - -
throw 'em up
- Check it out.
- Go! Go! Go!
I'm a white boy,
but my neck is red
I put Miracle Whip
on my Wonder Bread
My face is pale, nah,
I've never been in jail
Me and Buffy spend
every winter in Vail
How many bitches
have I slapped?
Zero, unh
And Martha Stewart
happens to be my hero
I grew up on a farm,
and I was born with no rhythm
Dr. Phil's my uncle,
and I like to hang with him
I can't dance,
I wear khaki pants
My middle name's Lance,
my grandma's from France
So maybe I'm wack
'cause my skin ain't black
But you can't talk smack
'Cause whitey
just struck back
Special help by SergeiK