Never thought that I'd be fighting youDonated by SergeiKBut you stole my heart You cheated and lied
You weren't in my corner You weren't on my side
The gloves are off You hit below the belt
Now it's time-out, baby And they've rung the bell
I'm not a fighter I'm a lover
But if you run Then run for cover
Fight for your love Yeah
- When it's round two, girl - Turn this up ! Now !
- Good. - I get a knockout punch
With this heartfelt song
I know when I count you Down from ten
I'll find you In my loving arms again
The gloves are off You hit below the belt
Now it's time-out, baby And they've rung the bell
I'm not a fighter I'm a lover
But if you run Then run for cover
Fight for your love Yeah
I'm not a fighter I'm a lover
But if you run Then run for cover
Fight for your love Yeah
Whoa, nobody caught me. That was lame.
I don't think he's moving.
He is a lazy freeloader,
and it's time for all this dysfunction to stop.
Can't we just do this later ?
I mean, you know how he gets in the morning.
Ned, aren't you tired of letting people push you around ?
Yes.
Then get in there and do it.
What ?
What is it ?
Dewey, hey, it's the first of the month, and...
...l'd like your share of the rent now.
Man, you know I don't have it.
You wake me up for that ? Come on, man !
Sorry.
Dewey, I mean, you owe me a lot of money as it is.
Yeah, try $2,200.
OK, you guys, the band is about to hit it bigtime.
We'll win Battle of the Bands. When I'm rolling in Benjamins,
I will throw you and your dog a bone. Good night.
- Your band has never made 2 cents. - Patty, come on, I'm on this.
Oh, you're on this ? You're on this ?
He's walking all over you.
Mommy, could we please talk about this later ?
No, we can't talk about it later, because we have to go to work.
We have jobs. We contribute to society. All right ?
I am an assistant to the mayor of the city, "hello" !
What ? Can you get her out of here, please ? Why ? Why her ?
And Ned has the most important job there is.
Temping ?
Dewey, a substitute teacher is not a temp.
- He's a babysitter. - Think it's so easy ?
I'd like to see you try. You wouldn't last a day.
Dude, I service society by rocking.
I'm out there liberating people with my music.
Rocking ain't no walk in the park, lady.
All right, this is useless, all right ?
Tell him if he doesn't come up with the rent by the end of the week,
he's out of here.
Dewey, I'm not paying your share of the rent, so...
...maybe you should sell one of your guitars or something.
What ?
Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars ?
Oh, my God. He's an idiot.
Dude, I've been mooching off you for years,
and it was never a problem until she showed up. Dump her.
If you don't come up with some money, she'll dump me.
Really ? That would be good. She's a nightmare.
Come on. I may never have another girlfriend.
I mean, just come on. Come up with some money, please.
Please.
OK. For you. Not for her, man. For you.
Thank you.
Heal me
I'm heartsick D minor.
I'm hungry And A minor, G, on you
- Heal my heart - Hey ! What's up ?
Is that a new song ? Who's this guy ?
We're taking the Battle of the Bands seriously this year.
Good, because I need the money. Now, listen.
If we're gonna win this thing, we gotta actually start playing some music.
I agree. You're fired.
Your lyrics, now don't take this the wrong way, Theo, are lame.
But I've been sitting on some awesome material, so...
Did you hear what I said ?
We voted.
You're out.
This is Spider. He's replacing you.
What's up, dog ?
I was gonna tell you last night, but you passed out, man.
You're gonna kick me out of the band ? You're gonna fire me ?
- It's my band. I brought us together. - Theo wanted you out.
- There's nothing I could do. - Shut up, man. You voted him out too.
Dewey, listen to me.
You're a good guitar player,
but it's the 20-minute solos. It's the stage dives.
We're trying to land a record deal here, man, and you're an embarrassment.
Read between the lines, Theo.
Read between the lines !
Dewey, man, I hope this doesn't come between us.
Like, I care about you, man.
You guys, you know what ? You're nuts. You're all nuts.
You've been focused so hard on making it,
you forgot about one thing. It's called the music.
And I don't even care. You know what ? So what.
I don't wanna hang out with wannabe corporate sellouts.
I'm gonna form my own band. We're gonna start a revolution.
And you're gonna be a funny little footnote on my epic ass.
I feel sorry for you guys.
Yes.
Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish.
No.
That's all ? Well, that's a mistake.
No, Hendrix played this guitar.
Hello ?
- Yeah ? - Is this Mr. Schneebly ?
No, he's not here.
- Could you take a message for me ? - Yeah.
Hi. My name's Rosalie Mullins.
I'm the principal at Horace Green Prep. We're having a little emergency.
One of our teachers broke her leg this morning,
and all of our subs are already working.
Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I call Mr. Schneebly.
Do you know if he's available ?
- How long is the gig ? - Excuse me ?
How long is the job ?
As much as a few weeks,
but we need somebody to start immediately.
So how much are we talking here ?
We pay our substitutes 650 a week.
Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back ?
Hold on a sec. Oh, you know what ?
I think he's just coming in right... Ned, phone !
Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.
Pat faxed me your r sum . It's very impressive.
We've never been in a bind like this before, so thank you so much.
So how's this gonna work ? Are you gonna pay me upfront ?
I don't understand.
It'd be really great if I could get paid in cash.
Oh, well, we don't do that.
When you cut my check, make it payable to Dewey Finn, for tax reasons.
You can discuss all of that with Candace at the end of the day.
When's the end of the day ?
We commence at 8:15, school lets out at 3.
You know what ?
Do you think I could cut out a little early today ? I got some stuff I gotta do.
It's cool. I can stay.
Mr. Schneebly...
...this is considered the best elementary school in the state,
and we maintain that by adhering to a strict code of conduct,
faculty included.
Don't worry about me. I'm a hard-ass.
If a kid gets out of line, I got no problem smacking him.
No, no. We don't use corporal punishment here.
OK, so just verbal abuse ?
If you have any problems with any students, send them to me.
- I will do the disciplining. - Check.
Children.
Please take your seats.
I'd like to introduce Miss Dunham's substitute.
This is Mr. Schneebly.
Why don't you write your name on the board.
Yes, I will.
You know what ? Why don't you all just call me "Mr. S".
Mr. S has never taught here at Horace Green,
so I want you all to be on your best behavior.
So the curriculum is on the desk.
- And do you have any questions ? - Yeah, when's lunch ?
The children just had their lunch.
Is there anything else you need ?
I'm a teacher. All I need are minds for molding.
All right, then. Well, thanks again. You saved the day.
OK, who's got food in here ?
You're not gonna get in trouble. I'm hungry.
You. What do you got ?
That's what I'm talking about.
OK. Teach. Teach. Teach.
All right, look, here's the deal.
I've got a hangover. Who knows what that means ?
- Doesn't that mean you're drunk ? - No. It means I was drunk yesterday.
- It means you're an alcoholic. - Wrong.
You wouldn't come to work hung-over unless you were.
Dude, you got a disease.
- What's your name ? - Freddy Jones.
Freddy Jones, shut up.
Shut up.
The point is, you all can just chill today.
We'll start on this crapola tomorrow.
- Yes, Tinkerbell ? - Summer.
As class factotum, first I'd like to just say, welcome to Horace Green.
- Thank you. - Any questions about our schedule ?
Because usually now Miss Dunham teaches vocabulary,
then gives us a pop quiz, then splits us up into reading groups.
- Track B is... - OK, hey, hey, hey.
Miss "Dumbum" ain't your teacher today, I am.
And I got a headache and the runs.
So I say, time for recess.
But Mr. S, that poster charts everyone's performance.
We get stars when we master the material covered.
How do we get gold stars if we just have recess ?
- What are these black dots here ? - Demerits.
What kind of a sick school is this ?
As long as I'm here, there will be no grades or gold stars or demerits.
We're gonna have recess all the time.
But Miss Dunham only gives us recess for 15 minutes...
You're not hearing me, girl. I'm in charge now, OK ?
And I say recess.
Go. Play and have fun, now.
Nice.
Now, you don't want me to have to call your parents, do you ?
It's all right, Emily, don't cry. Just try to be a bit more conscientious.
Would you like a hug ?
I'll be good, I swear !
All right, well, that's fine, Emily. You're excused.
Yes, we did it. We did it, come on.
Give me some. Give me some. Give me some. Give me some of that.
I will see you cats on the flip-flop. Later !
I heard she slipped in the bathroom.
Yes, but we've got a wonderful new substitute
who comes very highly recommended.
- Mr. Schneebly ? Mr. Schneebly ? - Yeah !
Hold on, buddy !
Oh, my God. You've gotta be kidding me.
Oh, man, this guy sucks, man.
- Here, call him. - Call him ? Yeah, right.
OK. Yes, you can be in my band.
But, Ned, no power plays, man.
I've got vision up the butt, so just go with it.
No, thanks.
You're not a teacher, Ned.
You're the cross-dressing, blood-sucking incubus
from Maggot Death. That's the real you.
Dewey, I'm not a satanic sex god anymore.
I'm a working stiff. And that's cool.
- She's got you brainwashed. - I'm working.
That's terrific. But who are you, babe ?
This is my apartment, babe.
Not if you don't pay your rent, it's not. Get a job.
I got a job. I'll have rent by the end of the week. Go tell the mayor.
- You got a job. Doing what ? - I do what Ned does, temping.
I'm not a temp. I'm a sub. And soon I'll be a certified teacher.
Come on, man ! One show, $20,000 prize,
we split it 60/40. Grab your bass and come back to the garage.
I mean, don't you miss rocking out ?
If you think anyone is gonna be in a band with you,
you're more delusional than I thought.
Dewey, you know, maybe it's time to give up those dreams.
I did, and things are going really great for me.
Are you gonna teach us anything or are we just gonna sit here ?
Just do whatever you want.
- I want to learn from my teacher. - Besides that.
Freddy, what do you like to do ?
I don't know, burn stuff ?
Just go out and have recess.
My parents don't spend $15,000 a year for recess.
- You want to learn something ? - Yes, I do.
You want me to teach you something ?
All right, here's a useful lesson for you.
Give up. Just quit.
Because in this life, you can't win.
Yeah, you can try, but in the end, you're just gonna lose, bigtime,
because the world is run by The Man.
- Who ? - The Man.
Oh, you don't know The Man ?
Well, he's everywhere.
In the White House, down the hall. Miss Mullins, she's The Man.
And The Man ruined the ozone, and he's burning down the Amazon,
and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank.
There used to be a way to stick it to The Man. It was called rock 'n' roll.
But guess what. Oh, no.
The Man ruined that too with a little thing called MTV !
So don't waste your time
trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome.
The Man's just gonna call you a fat, washed-up loser and crush your soul.
So do yourselves a favor and just give up !
Mr. Schneebly, it's after 10.
On Tuesdays, the children have music class now.
Right. OK. Good work, people.
We will continue with our lecture on The Man when we return.
Have a good music class.
Mr. S, what's going on ?
I heard you in music class.
You guys can really play.
Why didn't anyone tell me ? You.
- What's your name ? - Zack.
- You play the guitar ? - Yeah.
OK, come here.
- Ever play electric guitar ? - My dad won't let me.
- He thinks it's a waste of time. - A waste of... ?
Try this one.
OK, here's a guitar pick.
You pluck along with me, OK ? If you can.
Yes.
Yes !
OK, you stay right there. Don't move.
Piano man, front and center.
- What's your name ? - Lawrence.
Lawrence, you ever played keyboards ? Any techno ?
- No, I only play piano. - OK. All right, fair enough.
Try this out for me, OK ? Just give this a try on my count.
One, two, three, four.
Yes.
Come on, come on Come on, come on
Now touch me, babe
Can't you see That I am not afraid
Lawrence is good at piano
He shall be rocking In my show
Stop. That's perfect. You're perfect. Stay right there, OK ?
You. Could you come up here, please ?
- What was your name ? - Katie.
What was that big thing you were playing today ?
Cello.
This is a bass guitar. It's exactly the same,
but instead of playing like this, you tip it on the side, "chello", you've got a bass.
Try it on.
OK, now play this note right here. That's a G.
OK, but let your fingers do the rocking.
Keep that G coming all day long.
G, G, G, G, G, G
Good. Stop. Are there any drummers in the house ?
- I play percussion. - You couldn't play anything else.
- Shut up ! - Come here, dude.
Just see if you can do what I do. Just give it a try.
OK ? Give that a try.
OK !
That's really good. Just stay right here.
All right, OK. Lawrence, give me a G note.
With the fifth above it.
And the middle one. No middle one, I changed my mind.
Now go an octave below.
Now give me some rhythm.
And keep that same rhythm. Go.
Katie, remember that note, the G ?
Play it, but also keep it rocking. Good.
OK, give me like a... Like a:
That's bad. That's like George of the Jungle.
Play it up here on the cymbal, but really light.
Oh, that's it ! OK, keep going with that.
You remember this thing I taught you a minute ago ?
Yes ! Yes !
All right, let's go !
Stop. You guys, stop messing around. We've got a lot of work to do.
OK, people, pay attention, because I do not want to have to fail you.
I thought you didn't believe in grades.
Of course I believe in grades. I was testing you. You passed.
Good work, Summer. Four-and-a-half stars for you.
Now, listen, normal kids would have been stoked to slack off,
but not you guys, because you're not normal. You're special.
Because you guys have the right attitude,
I think it's time we started our new class project.
- A science project ? - No.
It's called..."Rock Band".
- Is this a school project ? - Yes.
And it's a requirement.
It may sound easy, but nothing could be harder.
It will test your head and your mind and your brain too.
Will other schools be competing ?
You could say that.
You could say that every school in the state
will be competing for the top prize.
What's the prize ?
A win will go on your permanent record. Hello, Harvard, yo.
We're not supposed to get started until next quarter,
but I think we should get a leg up on the competition, don't you ?
I do.
- Who else wants to go for the gold ? - I do.
All right. But if anyone finds out, we'll be disqualified.
So let's just keep it on the down-low, shall we ?
- Can we tell our parents ? - No ! Trust me.
They don't want to know. Keep it zipped.
All right, you guys, let's kick it into overdrive.
What are the rest of us supposed to do ?
You just sit back and enjoy the magic of rock.
You mean we're not in the band ?
Now, hold up now.
Just because you're not in the band doesn't mean you're not in the band.
We need backup singers. Who can sing ?
You, sing.
- The sun'll come out tomorrow - Yes.
Bet your bottom dollar That tomorrow
Stop. You've got it, and I don't even know what it is, but you've got it.
And that's why you're in the band. You, sing.
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
- That saved... - Stop, before I start crying.
I found the missing ingredient. You're in the band.
- I can sing. - You can ?
All right, Summer, belt it.
Memory All alone in the moonlight...
Stop. Stop. OK.
Good. That's pretty good. All right.
- I can also play clarinet. - I'll find something for you.
When we get back from lunch, I'll assign the rest of you killer positions.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
- There you go. - Thank you.
You're welcome.
- Mr. Schneebly ? - Yeah ?
Hey, what's up ?
- I don't think I should be in the band. - Why not ?
I'm not cool enough. People in bands are cool. I'm not cool.
Dude, you are cool. The way you play. Why do you say you're not cool ?
Nobody ever talks to me.
Well, those days are over, buddy.
You could be the ugliest sad sack on the planet,
but if you're in a rocking band, you're the cat's pajamas.
- You're the bee's knees. - Bee's knees ?
Yeah, the bee's knees.
You'll be the most popular guy in school.
OK. I'll do it.
Now, listen, this is a big commitment. Don't say yes if you're gonna flake out.
- I won't. - Larry...
...welcome to my world.
Boom.
Boom, a couple of these. Now, here.
Now give me a platform. Let's rock, let's rock today.
Now do it to me.
- Let's rock, let's rock today. - That's good.
Slap it.
Shoot it.
Kaboot it.
We'll work on that later. It's a long shake. Get going.
Good knuckle crack.
Lead guitar...
...Zack Attack. Take a seat.
On bass, Posh Spice.
On keyboards, Mr. Cool.
And on drums, Spazzy McGee.
OK, Blondie, Brace Face,
you're singing backup.
All right, Tough Guy, Shortstop, Fancy Pants, get over here.
You're on security detail.
Make sure no one outside knows what we're doing.
The band's future depends on you.
OK, your first mission: Soundproofing this room.
Get on it.
Can I be the band stylist instead ?
Of course you can, Fancy Pants.
OK. Carrot Top, Roadrunner, Turkey Sub,
we're gonna have a lot of equipment.
We're talking amps, electric guitars,
maybe even lasers and smoke machines.
Now, your job is to master the transportation
and operation of this technology.
Without a first-rate roadie crew, we'll never have a psychedelic show,
and I can't live with that, OK ? I'm counting on you. Get going. Go.
All right.
You three...
...groupies. And your job is simple.
Just worship the band.
You're gonna be making hats, you're gonna be making T-shirts,
all kinds of merchandise, which leads me to your first assignment:
- Naming the band. - Yes.
All right. Sit down.
As for me, I will be singing lead vocal and shredding guitar.
Wait. Isn't this a student project ?
- What's your point ? - Are you supposed to be in the band ?
What, you want to get rid of me ? Why, because I'm old ?
You hate teachers, is that what you're about ?
OK, well, teachers like to play too.
And not only am I gonna play, I'm el capit no,
and what I say goes. So put your hands over your hearts.
- I pledge allegiance... - I pledge allegiance...
...to the band... ...to the band...
...of Mr. Schneebly. ...of Mr. Schneebly.
- And will not fight... - And will not fight...
...for creative control. ...for creative control.
And will defer to him on all issues
related to the musical direction of the band.
- And will defer to him... - Direction...
Let's get rocking !
- Morning, Summer. - Groupie ?
- What's the matter ? - You want me to be a groupie ?
- Groupie is an important job. - I researched groupies on the Internet.
They're sluts. They sleep with the band.
No. That's not true. They're like cheerleaders.
I don't want to be a cheerleader. Look, my mother is a room parent,
and she's not gonna be happy when she hears about this.
OK, I didn't want to say this in front of the other kids,
but I made a special position just for you.
It's the most important job of all.
Band manager.
- Band manager ? - Oh, yeah.
What's that ?
I'm gonna be busy rocking out, so it's up to you
to make sure everyone is doing their job.
Summer, you're in charge of everything.
- OK. - OK.
All right, look alive. Listen up.
First thing you do when you start a band...
Mr. Schneebly, before we start, shouldn't I first take attendance ?
OK, fine.
OK. Now.
- Michelle ? - Here.
- OK. And Marco ? - Here.
OK. Summer. Here.
- Let's see. Tomika ? - We're all here.
The first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences.
That's how you figure out what kind of band to be. So who do you like ?
- Blondie ? - Christina Aguilera.
Who ? No. Come on. What ?
- You, Shortstop. - Puff Daddy.
- Wrong. Billy ? - Liza Minnelli ?
What are you... ? You guys !
This project is called "Rock Band".
I'm talking about bands that rock.
Led Zeppelin.
Don't tell me you guys never got the Led out.
Jimmy Page, Robert Plant ?
Ring any bells ?
What about Sabbath ?
AC/DC ?
M torhead ?
Oh, what do they teach in this place ? !
Summer, you're the class whatever, go to the board.
Factotum.
"Factotor".
New schedule.
8:15 to 10, Rock History.
Ten to 11, Rock Appreciation and Theory.
Then band practice till the end of the day.
- What about math ? - No. Not important.
- World cultures ? - Not important.
We need to focus. Don't you wanna win this contest ?
It's prestigious.
Question:
How are we being graded in all this ?
Since I'm band manager, and I have the most responsibility, wouldn't... ?
Summer, if you grade-grub, I will send you back to the first grade. You got it ?
- Back to your seat now. - Fine.
- What are we gonna play ? - You don't have to worry about that.
We have awesome material, which I wrote.
Let's hear it.
- What ? - Let's hear your song.
You wanna hear my song ?
I'll play you my song, if you want.
The thing is, I just want you to keep in mind,
I wrote it in, like, 15 minutes.
- It's not done. You might not like... - Just play the song, Schneebly.
OK, I will sing it for you, but let me just get in the zone.
I was not planning on unveiling it,
but I will sing it.
Tip of the tongue, teeth and the lips.
OK.
It starts off...
...a dark stage,
and then a beam of light,
and you can see me and my guitar.
In the end of time
There was a man Who knew the road
And the writing Was written on the stone
And then a thin layer of fog comes in around my ankles.
Roadies, that means dry ice. We're gonna talk about this later.
In the ancient time
An artist led the way
But no one Seemed to understand
Chimes, Freddy.
In his heart he knew
The artist must be true
But the legend of the rent Was way past due
And then, Katie, you come in with the bass.
Well, you think you'll be just fine Without me, but you're mine
You think you can Kick me out of the band
And then, Zack, you come in with a face-melter.
OK ? Well, there's just one problem there
The band is mine
How can you kick me out Of what is mine ?
And then...
Hawaii Five-O. You ever see that show ?
OK, well, there's a drum solo in it that goes:
You're not hardcore
Unless you live hardcore
And I want the backup singers to be like:
Well, you're not hardcore No, you're not hardcore
Unless you live hardc... Unless you live hardcore
But the legend of the rent Was way hardcore
Boom ! Big old explosion.
Some, like, confetti comes down.
That's all I got so far. It's a work in progress.
I liked it, Mr. Schneebly. I thought it was really catchy.
Thank you.
Mr. S ? We came up with some names for the band.
- Yeah ? Hit me. - The Bumblebees ?
- No, it's sissy. - The Koala Bears ?
What are you talking about ? It's sissy.
I need to speak with Principal Mullins.
Hey, Miss Mullins. Hello. How's it going ?
- How about "Pig Rectum" ? - Michelle !
It's a science project.
Listen, Ros, I was thinking about organizing a field trip.
- What do you think about that ? - Well...
...substitutes, as a rule, do not organize field trips.
But I figure I'm gonna be here for a while.
Well, that remains to be seen.
- Have you met our other teachers ? - No.
But the kids could learn by getting out of the classroom.
It's more complicated than that. There's safety issues.
Parents need to be notified. It's against school policy.
Mr. S, I have a lot of ideas.
How about everyone in magenta with beads and sequins ?
Billy, I'm talking to Principal Mullins.
- Oh, hi. - William.
I'll make up some samples.
Everyone, this is Ned Schneebly. He's covering for Gail.
Gabe Green. He teaches second. Jane Lemmons, fourth.
Bob's our P.E. Teacher.
- Roberta's our librarian. - How do you do ?
- Care to join us, Mr. Schneebly ? - Yeah.
- Did I say that correctly ? "Schneebly" ? - Actually, it's "Schnayblay".
We were just discussing testing.
Which test do you find most effective, the TASS or the Wilson-Binet ?
I say no testing, and I will tell you why, Joe.
- Gabe. - Gabe. I believe...
...that the children are the future.
Now, you can teach them well,
but you have gotta let them lead the way.
Let the children's laughter...
...just remind us how we used to be.
That's what I decided long ago.
Isn't that a song ?
No. I don't think so. No.
- No ? - No, it isn't.
You sure ?
So you think you'll be just fine Without me, but you're mine
You think you can Kick me out of the band
Well, there's just one problem there
The band is mine
How can you kick me out Of what is mine ?
Everybody.
- Because you're not hardcore - No, you're not hardcore
- Unless you live hardcore - Unless you live hardcore
But the legend of the rent Was way hardcore
All right. Good. Stop.
OK, Freddy, that was awesome.
You're rocking, but it's a little sloppy-joe.
Tighten up the screws, OK ?
Zack, dude, what's up with the stiffness, man ?
You're looking a little robotronic. OK ?
Let's grease up the hinges, and listen,
loosey-goosey, baby, loosey-goosey.
- I'm playing it the way you told me. - I know, it's perfect.
But rock is about the passion, man. Where's the joy ?
You're lead guitarist. We are counting on you for style, brother.
So try out this ancient technique. It's called "power stance".
That's it. You own the universe.
Now give me an E chord. Just go:
But let me hear:
Yeah, now raise your goblet of rock. It's a toast to those who rock.
Now smile and nod your head and let me see your eyeballs wide
like there's something wrong. Yeah !
Do it again. Give me that:
That's what I'm talking about. OK, let's do it again,
from "You're not hardcore". One, two, three.
- You're not hardcore - No, you're not hardcore
- Unless you live hardcore - Unless you live hardcore
And the legend of the rent Was way hardcore
Yeah ! Now we're rocking.
Your homework is to listen to some real music. Get inspired.
For Blondie, Blondie.
For Lawrence, Yes. That's the name of the band.
Listen to the keyboard solo on "Roundabout".
It will blow the classical music out your butt.
OK, for you, Rush, 2112. Neil Peart,
one of the great drummers of all time. Study up.
- Are we gonna goof off every day ? - We're not goofing off.
We're creating musical fusion.
Are we gonna do that every day ?
Yeah. Get used to it.
OK, and for you, Jimi Hendrix, Axis: Bold As Love.
- Are you psyched about the project ? - Sure.
"Sure" ? Hey. Wait. What's up ? Are you... ?
You're the lead guitarist of an unbelievable rock band.
- This is a dream come true for you. - OK.
All right. I'll see you.
- Mr. S ? - Hey, Tomika, what's up ?
- I don't want to be a roadie. - Why not ? It's an important job.
All right. Well...
You wanna be security ?
I wanna be a singer.
A singer ?
OK. Sing me something.
I can't let you be a singer if you can't sing.
You told me To leave you alone
My papa said, "Come on home"
My doctor said, "Take it easy"
But your loving Is much too strong
I'm welded to your Chain, chain, chain
Oh, my goodness. Nice pipes, Tomika.
Why didn't you raise your hand when I was looking for singers ?
You're in.
Welcome aboard. OK, perfect. Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon.
Listen to the vocal solo on "The Great Gig in the Sky".
All right ? All right.
Off to work.
Goodbye.
You can play music after your homework,
after your chores, but not until then.
Zack ! Zack, do not walk away from me when I'm talking to you.
It's very rude. All right ?
Last thing... Guitar after homework and chores,
and only what Miss Sheinkopf gives you.
- No more rock music. OK ? - OK.
All right, get to class.
Watch that attitude.
Do you have another blanket ?
That's good.
All right. Everybody, class has begun.
And you know what ?
You guys have been doing real good in here.
If I was gonna give you a grade, I'd give you an A.
But that's the problem.
Rock ain't about doing things perfect.
Who can tell me what it's really about ?
Frankie ?
- Scoring chicks ? - No. See ? No.
- Eleni ? - Getting wasted.
No. Come on. No.
- Leonard. - Sticking it to The Man ?
Yes ! But you can't just say it, man.
You gotta feel it in your blood and guts.
If you wanna rock, you gotta break the rules.
You gotta get mad at The Man, and right now I'm The Man.
That's right, I'm The Man, and who's got the guts to tell me off ?
- Who's gonna tell me off ? - Shut the hell up, Schneebly !
That's it, Freddy. That's it.
- Who can top him ? - Get out of here, stupid ass.
Yes, Alicia.
You're a joke. You're the worst teacher I've ever had.
Summer, that is great.
- I like the delivery. I felt your anger. - Thank you.
You're a fat loser, and you have body odor.
All right. All right.
- Now is everyone nice and pissed off ? - Yeah !
Good. Time to write a rock song.
Now, what makes you mad more than anything in the world ?
- Billy ? - You.
We've already told me off. Let's move on.
- You're tacky, and I hate you. - OK, you see me after class.
- You. Gordon. - No allowance.
I didn't get no allowance today So now I'm really ticked off
You know what I mean ? What else makes you mad ?
- Michelle ? - Chores.
I had to do my chores today So I am really ticked off
- What else ? - Bullies.
All you bullies get out of my way Because I am really ticked off
So, what would you say to a bully ?
- Zack ? - I don't know.
Now, come on. If someone was in your grill,
- what would you say ? - I don't know.
If someone was pushing you around,
- what would you say ? - "Step off" ?
Step off ! Step off ! Step off ! Step off !
Everybody !
Step off ! Step off ! Step off ! Step off !
If I do what you say I might turn into a robot
Do my chore day after day And they don't want any lip
No ! So step off ! Step off ! Step off ! Step off ! Step off !
Step off, everybody.
Step off ! Step off ! Step off ! Step off !
All right, now that was a perfectly decent rock song.
Oh, yeah. I was this close to getting a chair on the Polish Philharmonic,
and I nailed the audish, but I didn't get it. Guess who did.
Yo-Yo Ma's cousin, little "nepotis".
Anyway, I just decided to give up and become a teacher,
because those that can't do, teach.
And those that can't teach, teach gym. Am I right ?
- I'm just joshing. - Cute.
- Hey, Mr. Schneebly. - Hey, Zack.
That was a really cool lesson today.
Well, thanks, dude.
- I'll see you back in class. - OK.
Flip it, flip it, flip it, flip it ! No, no, no.
I'm just saying, name two great chick drummers.
Sheila E ? Meg White from the White Stripes ?
- She can't drum. - She's better than you.
At least she has rhythm.
Freddy, where are your sleeves ? And what have you done to your hair ?
- It's called punk. - Well, it's not school uniform.
- Miss Mullins, you're The Man. - Thank you, Frankie.
Good morning. Just a reminder:
Parents' Night is coming up,
and I expect everyone to have a presentation.
What ? Hot !
- You OK ? - It's all right.
As you know, it is the most important event of the year.
The parents scrutinize our every move,
so I find it's best to over-prepare. Right ?
The best defense is a good offense.
And, Roberta, now that I see you...
Hey, is she always like that ?
Oh, yeah.
Except for the time she got drunk at the alumni dinner.
You should have seen that.
She got up on the table and did a Stevie Nicks impersonation.
And she wasn't bad.
Remember, she took up the tablecloth and whirled around with it ?
...that had been on the turkey tray
that were touched over onto the peanut-butter-and-jelly tray.
Now, I know that you know that this is a severe problem.
Clear.
Come on. Go, go, go !
All right, you guys. Is everybody ready ?
- Yeah. - Strap in. Let's do this.
Oh, dude, cool.
Three horns. That's very clever.
In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean... ?
- Blue. - Blue. That's right.
OK. Now, Columbus had three boats. The Ni a, the... ?
- Gordon ? - The Pinta.
Pinta, that's right. And... ?
- Marco ? - Santa Marina ?
The Santa Marina.
That's good. Actually, it's Santa Mar a.
OK. Now, you got...
- Listen. Pay attention, kids. - She's gone.
I'm not afraid to flunk you.
What's up, dude ?
Check out these little kids, man.
- Hey, shut up. - Oh, sorry.
Thought this was Battle of the Bands, not the Mickey Mouse Club.
- Want a piece of me ? - Look at this.
Freddy ! Come on, man. We gotta focus up.
We gotta nail this audition.
Mr. S ?
- What's up ? - I don't think I can sing.
What are you talking about ? Come here.
So, Tomika, what's going on ? What do you mean, you can't sing ?
I don't feel good. I feel sick.
- Just let Alicia and Marta do it. - No.
They can't sing like you can. I need you.
What is it ? Are you nervous ?
Yeah ? Why ? What are you afraid of ?
- They're gonna laugh at me. - Why would they laugh at you ?
I don't know. Because I'm fat.
Tomika...
Hey, you've got something everybody wants.
You've got talent, girl.
You have an incredible voice. I'm not just saying that.
You heard of Aretha Franklin, right ? OK, she's a big lady.
But when she sings, she blows people's minds.
Everybody wants to party with Aretha !
And you know who else has a weight issue ?
- Who ? - Me.
But once I get up on-stage, start doing my thing, people worship me.
Because I'm sexy and chubby, man.
- Why aren't you on a diet ? - Because I like to eat.
Is that such a crime ?
You know what ? That's not even the point.
The thing is, you're a rock star now.
All you gotta do is rock your heart out.
People are gonna dig you, I swear.
Let's just show them what we got. What do you say ?
OK.
Thank you.
Let's rock.
- OK. We are good to go. - No, we're not. Freddy took off.
- Where ? - Some guys invited him to their van.
What ? ! Come on, you guys !
Freddy ?
Hey, have you seen a little kid, like, yay high ?
Dang it. Freddy, this is your teacher talking !
- Hey, Mr. S. - Oh, man.
- What's going on here ? - Nothing. Just chilling.
Freddy, get out of that van this instant.
See you guys.
You think you're pretty funny, partying with an innocent little kid ?
Dude, we're just chilling.
That kid's 10 years old. He looks up to you.
You are setting an example for him, so start acting like a responsible adult !
That goes for all of you guys. Don't make me come back here.
Come on. Let's go.
What's the big deal ? You're acting like my mom.
What's the big deal ? You had me worried sick.
I was hanging with real rockers.
They aren't real rockers. They're posers.
Rock ain't about getting loaded and being a jerk.
Now, this is serious business here. We've got a mission.
Putting on a great show is the most important thing.
One great rock show can change the world.
- Do you understand me ? - Yeah.
If you ever scare me like that again, so help me,
I will send a note home to your parents. Let's go.
All right, you guys. Just wait here for a minute.
- Hey, man, check this place out. - Yeah. It's cool.
Hey, what's going on ? Where is everyone ?
- Auditions are over. - What ? Who's in charge ?
Listen... you can't leave. You haven't heard our band.
- The bill is full. We're overbooked. - Let us play one song.
We're here. We're ready.
- Who are they ? - My band.
Kids ? Is this some kind of gimmick ?
It's not a gimmick. They're kids, but they're awesome.
Thanks for coming down, but you're really not what we're looking for.
These kids have worked their fingers to the bone
just to play one song for you, so sit down, shut up and listen !
Sheila, call security.
Oh, God.
It was just a warm-up.
We'll still compete against the other schools.
What ? This is the gig, Summer. This was our Woodstock.
Then we shouldn't take no for an answer.
Don't take no for an answer ? He was gonna call the fuzz.
Would you just listen to me ?
I have an idea.
Hi there. Hi. It's OK. It's cool. I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry.
I shouldn't have barged in here.
It wasn't fair to you or the kids,
especially after what they've been through.
God, I feel like a jerk. God. I'm taking them back to the hospital.
- Just wanted to say I'm sorry. - That's fine.
See, I volunteer down at St. Margarita's, in the children's wing,
- teaching music. - Really ? That's nice.
- That's very nice. - Actually, it isn't,
because I totally screwed up. I told the kids if they practiced,
they'd get into Battle of the Bands.
- What did you tell them that for ? - I don't know. I just...
I wanted to give them something to look forward to, to keep their spirits up.
Look at them.
They're terminal.
Every last one of them.
- Jeez. - Yeah, and all they wanted to do
before they bit the dust was play Battle of the Bands.
What do they all have ?
It's a...
It's a rare blood disease. "Stick-it-to-da-man-niosis".
What's that ? I've never heard of it.
You're lucky. Because it's hell.
Wow.
- We're on the bill. - Yes !
Cut it out ! You're dying, remember ?
Get in the van.
We come from the land Of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun Where the hot springs blow
The hammer of the gods
Summer, you get an A-plus and 50 gold stars.
- I didn't do it for the grade. - Give me some of that.
Yeah ! Yeah !
And it was so scary.
Hey, Mr. S ?
We have a name for the band.
Hit me.
The School of Rock.
The School of Rock.
And we shall teach rock 'n' roll to the world.
There's no way you can stop
The School of Rock Yeah
Stop. We have a red alert. It's Mullins.
Let's go. Come on.
To your positions. To your positions !
Come on, come on.
And therefore, E=MC .
Oh, Miss Mullins. Come in.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but Miss Lemmons said she heard music
- coming from the classroom. - Music ?
Music. I haven't heard any music.
You know what ? Miss Lemmons must be on crack, right, kids ?
Well... Well, what's that ?
Oh, that. Yeah.
We were singing. We were singing and learning.
We were learning in sing-song.
- One of your methods ? - Yeah.
I find it's helpful when you're teaching the subjects
that are the boring subjects.
Well, you don't mind if I just sit in on your class this afternoon, do you ?
No. No. Come on back this afternoon.
It is the afternoon. I meant now.
So please just continue with your method.
Yeah. OK.
Math is a wonderful thing
Math is a really cool thing
So get off your "ath" Let's do some math
Math, math, math, math, math
- Three minus four is... - Negative one.
That's right.
And six times a billion is...
- Six billion ? - Nailed it.
And 54 is 45 more than... What is the answer, Marta ?
- Nine. - No, it's eight
No, it's nine
Yes, I was testing you It's nine
And that's a magic number
I'm very happy that you're able to extend your stay,
but I must say, I find your methods of teaching very unusual.
Well, I did study with Dr. Errol Von Straussenburgerbecken.
- Who ? - Oh, you don't know him ?
Oh, he's, like, one of the leading leaders in... unusual methods.
Actually, he's how I was appointed to the Presidential Council
for Experimental Educationers.
That sounds very impressive,
but we're not interested in experimental education here.
So if from now on you could just stick to the curriculum, that would be great.
- Yes. Right. - Thank you.
Ros ?
- Yes ? - Do you know,
I would really love to talk some more about your philosophy on teaching.
Do you think maybe we could grab some coffee ?
You want to go get some coffee with me ?
Yeah. I really would.
- You're sure you don't have coffee ? - I'm quite sure.
Well, I've never been here before.
I've never been to this side of town before, in fact.
So I have been...
Well, I've been... I've been dying to ask you something, Mr. Schneebly.
- Please, call me "Dewey". - Dewey ?
Ned. Call me "Ned".
I was thinking of my other name. My middle name.
- Yeah. - Well, Ned...
...in your experience, how does Horace Green compare
to the other schools that you've taught at ?
Oh, your school is the best.
- You're just saying that. - I'm not.
You know that kids at other schools just have fun all the time ?
They run around. There's no discipline. They're happy. It's anarchy.
This is the best school I have ever teached at. I swear.
I'll drink to that.
Stay there. I'm gonna put on some music.
- I love this song. - Really ?
- Yes. Stevie Nicks. - Yeah.
Stevie !
You know, she came to town, and she did a concert,
- and she was just so... wild. - I know. Oh, man.
- Oh, my gosh. - She put on the best show ever.
She's better live than she is on the album.
- You know what I mean ? - Yes, yes.
- Oh, my gosh, no comparison. - Yeah.
You know what ?
Oh, man, I would love to take the kids to a concert.
- Concert ? - Yeah.
There's one at the end of the month.
The Philharmonic. They do classics. They do Beethoven, Mozart...
...Enya, that kind of stuff.
But you have a policy about field trips.
- Would it be educational ? - Would it be educational ?
It could be very educational.
- Maybe we can make an exception. - Yes !
Sings a song Sounds like she's singing
Ooh, baby, ooh, ooh
I'm holding you to that.
Make an exception.
Ooh, baby, ooh, said ooh
Tomorrow
Keeping your head over water Making a wave when you can
Temporary layoff Good time
Easy credit rip-off Good time
Scratching and surviving Good time
Would you stop that, please ?
Yeah.
- I had a really nice time. - Yeah, ditto.
This is the first time a teacher has asked me
- to do anything outside of school. - No way.
It's... It's true.
In six years.
Well, you know,
I think it might be one of those things where people are intimidated.
Intimidated ?
- They hate me. - No. They don't.
Yes, they do. They sure do. I can see.
I wasn't always like this.
I wasn't always wound this tight. There was a time when I was fun.
I was funny. I was.
But you can't be funny and be the principal of a prep school.
No, you cannot, because when it comes to their kids,
these parents, they have no sense of humor.
If anything goes wrong, it's my head. It's my head in the smasher.
These parents will come down on me like a nuclear bomb.
I can't make a mistake. I gotta be perfect.
And that pressure has turned me into one thing that I never wanted to be.
A bitch.
- No. You're not. - Yes, I am. I am a big one.
Well, I don't think so. I think you're pretty cool.
Really ?
- No. - Yeah. You're way cool.
Really ?
- OK, drums ? - House.
- Keyboards ? - House.
- Amps ? All right. Cable ? - Got them.
- All right. Guitar ? - Yes.
- Mr. S. - Yeah ?
What do you think ?
I don't know. I...
They might be a little distracting.
It's glitter rock and it's glam and it's fabulous.
Billy, it's just not the right style.
You're gonna talk to me about style ?
You can't dress yourself. Look at that bow tie.
Don't talk about my bow tie.
You know what, I give up. They can just wear their uniforms.
- That's not a bad idea. - Not a bad idea ?
- I was kidding. - Excuse me.
- Hey, hey. What is that ? - What's what ?
- What are you playing ? - Just something I wrote.
You wrote a song ?
- Well, let's hear it. - No, it's not that good.
Come on, I want to hear it, Kurt Cobain.
- OK, but I'm not much of a singer. - It's all right.
Baby, we were making straight A's
But we were stuck in a dumb daze
Don't take much To memorize your lies
Feel like I've been hypnotized
Wait. You wrote that ? You wrote that ?
That's it. Guys, rock 'n' roll positions.
- What are you doing ? - We're gonna learn your song.
- But why ? - That's what bands do, man.
Play each other's songs. You got lyrics ?
Hook me up.
No more secret songs. All right, Lawrence,
no more reading. Time for rock.
Get on the drum. Bass it up.
- What was that chord ? - D.
- Play it. - D...
...C, G, C.
- Baby, we were making straight A's - Yeah. Yeah.
But we were stuck in a dumb daze
Don't take much To memorize your lies
And if you wanna be The teacher's pet
Baby, you just better forget it
Rock is the reason Rock is the rhyme
Know what would be better ?
"Rock got no reason, Rock got no rhyme."
Can we try that ? Also, we need some "ooh la-la's", so like:
Try that. Can we take it from the chorus ?
One, two, three, four. One, two, three.
And if you wanna be The teacher's pet
Baby, you just better forget it
Rock got no reason Rock got no rhyme
You'd better get me to school on time And if you wanna be the teacher's pet
Baby, you just better forget it
Rock got no reason Rock got no rhyme
You better get me to school on time
I'm gonna solo there if it's cool with you.
- All right. - You can solo later.
- OK. - Let me rock a solo there, I can feel it.
Tomorrow is the big day, so get your rest.
No late parties, drinking tequila and trying to get lucky.
Chances like this do not come around every day.
You've played hard in here,
and I am proud of every last stinking one of you.
Let's just give this everything we got. We may fall on our faces,
but if we do, we will fall with dignity !
With a guitar in our hands and rock in our hearts !
And in the words of AC/DC:
"We roll tonight to the guitar bite,
"and for those about to rock...
"...I salute you."
Ros, excuse me, wanted to remind you about our field trip tomorrow.
- What field trip ? - The educational concert.
Oh, I forgot about that.
I don't know, school policy is very difficult to get around.
But you said we could make an exception,
and the kids are excited about hearing some Mozart.
I know, but the preparations, there's not enough time.
I don't know anything about it. Where is it ?
I've got it all covered. What's going on, are you mad at me ?
No, no, Ned. I'm sorry, I'm just a little stressed out
because it's Parents' Night tonight.
Hey, it's all gonna be fine.
Ned, would you mind coming with me tonight to Parents' Night ?
It wouldn't be a date or anything. I get nervous around the parents,
and there's something about you that makes me feel more relaxed.
You know what, that sounds so great, Ros, but...
- But what ? - I wasn't planning on going tonight.
You have to. You're their teacher. You have to give the presentation.
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I got you. I'm ready for that.
So we'll go together ?
OK. Why don't you pick me up at, say, 6:40.
- Done. All right. - OK.
- What are you all dressed up for ? - I got a hot date.
That's weird.
I got a check from Horace Green Prep for $1,200.
I've never worked there.
- What are you doing ? - Calling the school.
Hi, this is Ned Schneebly...
Dewey ?
What's going on ?
I told them 15 times, make it out to cash !
Dewey ?
I did something bad, Ned.
- No. - Yeah.
They called for a sub. I said I was you, to make some money.
But then I got there, and the kids, they rock, man.
There's this kid Larry who's like, "I'm not cool," but now he's like:
There's this other girl who can sing like:
She thought she was too fat, so they were dying, and the principal got drunk.
Now we're playing Battle of the Bands. It's the coolest thing !
One day. Then I will come clean.
I'll tell everyone it was my fault. You'll be fine. One day !
- Ned, home. - Don't say anything to her.
She'll blow everything. Please ?
Hey. What's going on ?
Nothing. I got a hot date, that's what's going on.
See you later.
What's going on, Ned ?
- Nothing. - Nothing ? Well...
OK, I don't think I can go in there.
- What's wrong ? - Ros...
...l'm not a teacher.
Oh, Ned. A substitute is a teacher.
No, no. I'm not a teacher. I'm a fraud.
No. You're not.
You're a dedicated, talented teacher, and those parents are gonna love you.
Just get in there and tell those parents what you've been teaching their kids.
Yeah, you know, math, English...
What... ? Science... What else ? Geography, history,
Latin, Spanish, French,
Latin... Math. Did I say that already ?
Anyway, all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, OK ?
So...
...it was great to meet you all, and drive safe.
Excuse me.
Since you started, all my son talks about is music.
He says he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence ?
Why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen ?
And how is this homework ?
OK, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here,
but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality,
and I don't want to be in breach of educational law
because I could be dismembered by the teacher's union.
So...
You expect us to believe this garbage ?
Mr. S, don't you think you should tell them about the project ?
- What project ? - Our class project.
Every school in the state is competing.
- Competing ? - It's not till next quarter,
but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
- Well, what's the project, Summer ? - It's prestigious.
A win will go on our permanent record.
You might as well tell them, Mr. Schneebly.
OK, look. I've gotten to know your kids the past few weeks. They're awesome.
Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10.
And Gordon here, he's a genius !
He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And...
And Marta here, she's...
She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that ?
Because that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And...
Summer is gonna be the first woman president of the United States.
She could run this year. I would vote for her.
Look, they're just really cool kids. If they were mine, I would be so proud.
And I am proud, just to even know them. And...
Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment ?
Let me just say a couple more things.
- What's going on ? - What's happening ?
Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
- What ? - What ?
- This man is Ned Schneebly. - He's not even a teacher.
- You called the cops ? - She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
- You're apologizing to him ? - Sorry.
Ned.
Ned, is this true ?
Who are you ?
My name is Dewey Finn.
And, no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids.
And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
- What ? - Oh, my God.
- I have nothing to say to you. - Me either.
OK. I'm going to bed.
It's one thing to throw your life away,
but to put Ned in jeopardy is selfish.
You told me to be like Ned and get a job.
I told you to be like Ned, I didn't tell you to be Ned.
- You're not gonna apologize ? - You apologize for calling the cops.
I didn't murder anybody. I wanted to play a great show.
- I was this close. - Shut up ! Shut up ! Shut up !
Would you both just cut it out for one second ?
Look, I'm sorry, dude. I was desperate.
It was easy for you to give up music.
- It ain't easy for me. - It wasn't easy for me.
I miss it.
Well, then why'd you give it up ?
Because I couldn't keep kidding myself anymore.
You can blame it all on bad luck, but in the end,
maybe we just weren't that good.
Sometimes you gotta know when to quit.
- Right, maybe I suck. - That's not what I said.
Well, music is my life, man. What do you want me to do ?
I don't know, but...
...I think it's time you moved out.
Sorry.
- So his name wasn't Mr. Schneebly ? - No, it was, like, Dewey something.
What about the project ?
Wake up, Marco, there was no project.
He wanted us to play a show so we could make money.
I can't believe we weren't graded.
Why are you bummed ? We had a three-week vacation.
It was a waste of time, but it was better than school.
- It was not a waste of time. - Yeah, that's what it was.
- You're an idiot. - Shut up.
- No, you shut up. - You want to go ?
Touch him, I'll shove those sticks down your throat.
Mr. S was cool. We worked too long and too hard not to play the show.
OK, so what are we supposed to do ?
We get out of here and play the damn show.
How could you let our kids be exposed to this impostor ?
- Do you just let anyone teach here ? - I pay $15,000...
Let me assure you that nothing is more important to us
than for you to feel your children are in a safe and secure environment.
- OK, we're all here. - Where's Mr. Schneebly ?
He didn't tell you ? He's at home. We need to pick him up.
Let's go, hurry.
Excuse me. Just one second, please.
- Excuse me. - Wait a minute. Where are you going ?
- We want some answers, now ! - Just one second !
Where did they go ? Help ! Children ?
Wake up.
- How'd you guys get in here ? - Front door was open.
Why aren't you in school ?
We did what you said. We stuck it to The Man.
Forget about what I told you. Look, I'm a loser, OK ?
You listen to my advice, you'll end up like me, with nothing.
Come on, man, quit goofing around. This is serious business.
We're on a mission. One great show can change the world.
Look out the window.
- Mr. S ! Come down ! - Come on !
No way. That is so punk rock.
The dining-room table seats 14, with no inserts...
- What's going on ? - We've got some rocking to do.
- Yes ! - All right.
- Hi, Mr. Schneebly. - How's it going ?
You guys, all I can say is, let's rock.
One more thing. I want to say I'm sorry...
...that I used you guys.
I'm sorry I lied.
- It's not cool to lie to your band. - Come on.
We'll be late. There's no time for apologies. Let's go !
All right. Let's go.
- Where are you going ? - I'm going to the show.
- You want to go ? - Yeah, I want to go.
- You're serious ? - I don't want to miss this, Patty.
Unbelievable. After everything he's done to you ?
That is so typical Ned. When will you stop being a pushover ?
When are you finally gonna start sticking up for yourself ?
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I've just been informed that all of your children are missing.
- So... - What ?
- Hey. - Can I help you ?
We're competing. We're the School of Rock.
- You and the kids ? - We're the band and crew.
- You'd better get in here. - Come on.
- We're here. - You're late. You're up next.
- OK, we'll be ready. Come on. - Zack, check this out.
- Whoa, it's awesome. - Tears I can find on my own
I'll take you there
I'll never...
Don't listen to those hacks. Come on. Band meeting. Now. Gather round.
All right. Frankie, how's security ?
- We're set. - What about the lights ?
Light board's up in the balcony. I'll patch it up.
Billy, how's beautification ?
- Are you kidding ? - OK, listen up, you guys,
we only have one song to let these guys know who we are.
- So I think we should play Zack's. - But why ?
- I mean, really ? - Yes.
The thing is, you guys, I ain't that good.
I'm not. I can admit it. But you're 10, and you're better than me.
Your song rocks harder, so let's play it.
But you know what ? That's just one guy's opinion.
This ain't my band, it's our band. We all have a say.
We haven't practiced that one as much. I mean, we might not win.
Hey, we didn't come here to win. We came here to play one great show.
And on Zack's song, you guys really rock.
You know my vote, who else is with me ?
All right, let's pray.
God of rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass.
We are your humble servants. Please give us the power
to blow minds with our high-voltage rock.
- In your name, we pray. Amen. - Amen.
Now let's get out there and melt some faces !
- Yeah ! - Go get ready.
- You gotta sing it. - Are you sure ? It's your song.
- Yeah, it's cool, I'm no singer. - OK, I'll sing it.
- Yeah ? - What about the lights ?
All the cues are to the other song.
You're just gonna have to feel it. You gotta improvise.
You know this song, I know you can do it.
- OK. - Go. Run like the wind !
- Hey. - What's this ?
You wanted to go with the uniform, so put it on. Quick.
Hear my heartsick, hungry cry
I'm heartsick
So heal me
I'm heartsick
I'm hungry Thought I could survive on you
Hear my heartsick, hungry cry
- Slow down. - My son is...
- Where's your ticket ? - My son's in there, he's 10.
You're not going in without a ticket.
- We're not here for the show. - We have a situation.
I'm Rosalie Mullins. I'm principal of Horace Green.
We had a field trip that went awry.
Some lunatic kidnapped our kids. Our kids are in there.
You're breaking my heart. There's the ticket table.
- Maybe we should just get tickets. - Let's get tickets !
- Excuse me. - My child's up there.
Excuse me, please, our kids are in here.
Excuse me, please. Excuse me.
- Quit pushing ! - Excuse me.
- Excuse me. - Hey, stop it.
Hey. What's up ?
Come on !
We're the School of Rock.
And this song was written by our own Zack Mooneyham.
Baby, we was making straight A's
But we were stuck in a dumb daze
Don't take much To memorize your lies
I feel like I've been hypnoticized
And then that magic man He come to town
He done spun my head around
He said, "Recess is in session Two and two make five"
And now, baby, oh, I'm alive
Oh, yeah I am alive
And if you wanna be The teacher's pet
Well, baby, you just better forget it
Rock got no reason Rock got no rhyme
You better get me To school on time
Oh, yeah
Yeah
Oh, you know I was on the honor roll
Got good grades Ain't got no soul
Raise my hand before I can speak my mind
I've been biting my tongue Too many times
And then that magic man Took you away
Do what magic man do
- Not what magic man say - Say what ?
Now, can I please have the attention of the class ?
Today's assignment:
Kick some ass !
And if you wanna be The teacher's pet
Well, baby, you just better forget it
Rock got no reason Rock got no rhyme
You better get me To school on time
And if you wanna be The teacher's pet
Well, baby, you just better forget it
Rock got no reason Rock got no rhyme
You better get me To school on time
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
This is my final exam
Now y'all know who I am
I might not be that perfect son
But y'all be rocking when I'm done
Your son is very skilled.
Thanks. So's yours.
Take me back !
All right. Yeah !
Yeah !
Let's go !
School of Rock !
To get in, you gotta be in a band or have a pass.
I am principal of the school's band.
- Oh, right on. - All right ?
All right ? All right ? All right ?
That was incredible ! That was incredible.
Oh, my gosh, the lights and the guitar solos...
- Was it really you playing ? - You're not mad ?
Mad ? I'm furious !
I'm horrified, but it was incredible. It was so great.
You guys were so great, I can't believe it.
Dude ! You did it, man ! Those lights were awesome !
They were awesome.
- They're incredible. - Amazing.
- Who's the manager ? - I am.
Summer Hathaway. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Hey, wait. Come here, guys.
- You guys rock. How old are you ? - Ten.
Ten ? No way, dude. How long you been playing ?
Three years. I used to play classical, now I play rock.
Hey, you in a band ?
No. No.
No, I am the principal of a school.
Yeah ? Wow, that's cool.
- That's cool. - Yes, yes, it is.
It's very... It's very cool.
- Yeah. It is cool. - Yes. It is very cool.
- I like that. - Do you ? Yes.
- You're hot. You're so hot. - What ?
- I'm sorry. - What ?
Are you warm ?
All right, guys, this is it, the moment of truth.
The winner of this year's Battle of the Bands competition...
...is No Vacancy !
No ! Boo !
It was a beauty contest. They didn't listen to the music. Boo ! No !
What ?
Oh, no.
On behalf of the Battle of the Bands,
I'd like to present this check for $20,000 to No Vacancy.
Yeah ! No Vacancy !
- No, School of Rock. - School of Rock !
School of Rock !
School of Rock !
What's wrong ?
What's wrong, Summer ? Didn't you hear ? We lost.
Chill out, dude. Rock isn't about getting an A.
- Sex Pistols never won anything. - Don't let The Man get you down.
Dude, you gotta cheer up. We played a kick-ass show.
We did, didn't we ?
- It was unbelievable, wasn't it ? - Yeah.
School of Rock ! School of Rock ! School of Rock !
School of Rock ! School of Rock !
School of Rock ! School of Rock !
School of Rock ! School of Rock ! School of Rock !
- What is that ? - School of Rock !
- School of Rock ! - It's an encore.
They want us to go play another song. It's good ! Go, you guys !
Wait, no. Just the band. OK, everybody, go !
Thank you. Yes, we will play one more.
- Riding down the highway - Riding down the highway
- Going to a show - Going to a show
- Stopping on the byway - Stopping on the byway
- Playing rock 'n' roll - Playing rock 'n' roll
Bye, Mom. See you later.
I told you, as soon as I talk to the band, I'll get back to you.
If you're so desperate, then quit low-balling us.
I tell you, people It's harder than it looks
I tell you, people It's harder than it looks
Because it's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
Yes, it's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
You think it's easy playing One-night stands ?
Well, try playing in A rock 'n' roll band
It's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
And that's a C. All right ? You got that ?
Let's see. OK, Paola, let's see you.
Yeah, your fingers are... basically right.
DeShawn, what do you got ? All right, play.
Toby, you got it ? Let's see. Very good, you guys.
- Getting gray - Getting gray
Getting ripped off
- Underpaid - Underpaid
- Getting had - Getting had
- Getting took - Getting took
I tell you, people It's harder than it looks
Because it's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
All right, now take it down nice and quiet.
The next thing I wanna hear...
...is a face-melting solo by our own Zack Mooneyham. Go !
Here we go !
Dude, is my face OK ? I think you melted it off.
All right, now the next thing I wanna hear...
The very next thing... I don't wanna hear anything unless I hear...
...a gut-busting drum solo from Freddy. Take it away !
It's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
Yes, it's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
My gut got busted !
What did you do, Freddy ?
Now I think it's time we heard from a little somebody.
Lawrence on lead solo keyboard, go !
Long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
All right, slow it up. Listen up, you guys.
Here's what I need.
I need you girls to repeat after me:
All right.
Now the first test is over.
I'm gonna need Alicia to give me a two-second vocal solo. Here it comes.
Because it's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
Don't Bogart the mike, Alicia. That was beautiful, but now it's time.
Come on, Tomika, melt it.
That was tasty.
Marta, blow my brains out. Go.
- The movie is over - Movie's really over
- But we're still on-screen - But we're still on-screen
- Everybody's rocking - Everybody's rocking
- And we came from Horace Green ? - We came from Horace Green
It's time for my solo
- Movie's almost over - Movie's almost over
- Credits got to roll - Credits got to roll
- Look at that name there - Look at that name there
- I do not know that guy - I do not know that guy
Say, get out now
- Getting out - Getting out
- It's time to go now - Time to go
Other people gotta come For the next show
You're getting in the way
The cleaning guy is coming to Clean up the sticky stuff on the floor
It's a long way to the top If you want to rock 'n' roll
Yes, it's a long way to the top If you wanna rock 'n' roll
All right, that's it. Stop, you guys, stop.
Seriously, you guys. All right, take five.
Take five.
You wanna go ? All right.
- That was a good class. - I'll see you, man.