Voila! Finally, the Slaughterhouse Five
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the Kurt Vonnegut movie
with Michael Sacks, Ron Leibman, and Valerie Perrine. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Slaughterhouse Five. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
[ Door Buzzer Buzzing ]
DADDY.
DADDY, ARE YOU HOME ?
MAYBE HE ISN'T.
OF COURSE HE IS.
DADDY !
[ Knocking ]
FIND HIM ?
DOES IT LOOK LIKE
I FOUND HIM, STANLEY ?
WELL, I JUST THOUGHT--
DAD !
DADDY.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT
YOUR FATHER, BARBARA.
I'M SURE HE'S ALL RIGHT.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
[ Stanley ]
HONEY, I'M SURE--
DADDY !
DADDY, ARE YOU THERE ?
[ Sighs ]
WE SHOULDN'T HAVE
LEFT HIM ALONE.
HE WANTED TO COME HERE.
DON'T GET YOURSELF ALL UPSET.
DADDY !
HONEY. WHAT--
STANLEY !
OKAY, I'M COMING.
I'M COMING !
DADDY !
I TOLD YOU
HE SHOULD NOT
BE LEFT ALONE.
IT'S TOO BIG
FOR ONE MAN.
HE WANTED TO BE LEFT ALONE.
BULL ! YOU ALWAYS
TAKE HIS SIDE.
DADDY ! DAD !
[ Margin Bell Dings ]
[ Margin Bell Dings ]
[ Margin Bell Dings ]
[ Margin Bell Dings ]
[ Engine Roaring ]
[ Men Speaking German ]
???? [ Classical ]
???? [ Continues ]
AAAH !
[ Margin Bell Dings ]
???? [ Classical ]
???? [ Stops ]
[ Margin Bell Dings ]
WHO ARE YOU ?
YOUR OUTFIT ?
WHERE YOU GOING ?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DON'T KNOW ?
HOW COME ?
I JUST MOVED UP.
LET ME SEE
YOUR DOG TAGS.
WHERE ARE THEY ?
I-- I CAN'T FIND THEM.
HE'S A KRAUT !
HE DON'T LOOK LIKE ONE.
I'M NOT !
I'M AN AMERICAN.
PROVE IT !
PROVE IT ?
WHO PLAYS THIRD
FOR THE TIGERS ?
THE TIGERS ?
THE DETROIT TIGERS.
[ Artillery Exploding ]
WHO IS IT ?
I DON'T KNOW.
WHY ASK HIM ?
IT CAME INTO MY HEAD.
YOU GUYS GO ON WITHOUT ME.
WHERE'S YOUR WEAPON ?
I DON'T HAVE ONE.
EVERYBODY'S GOT ONE !
I'M A CHAPLAIN.
ASSISTANT CHAPLAIN.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?
PILGRIM.
YOU KNOW WHY THIS GOT
THREE SIDES ON IT ?
MAKES A SLIT
THAT DON'T CLOSE UP.
GEE, THAT'S GREAT.
A G.I. KNIFE
MAKES A SLIT.
RIGHT.
SLIT CLOSES UP,
RIGHT ?
RIGHT.
THIS MAKES
A THREE-SIDED SLIT.
IT KILLS YOU.
[ Artillery Exploding ]
[ Screams ]
WHAT'S THAT ?
CHAPLAIN'S ASSISTANT.
NO SHIT !
WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?
HIS NAME'S PILGRIM.
YOU KNOW HOW TO PRAY ?
START PRAYING !
WHERE ARE WE,
CORP ?
BELGIUM, STUPID.
YOU TELL PAUL LAZZARO
WHERE WE ARE !
WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF KRAUTS !
YOU GOT US HERE.
GET US OUT !
"OUR FATHER WHO ART IN HEAVEN,
HALLOWED BE THY NAME.
"THY KINGDOM COME.
THY WILL BE DONE ON EARTH
AS IT IS IN HEAVEN.
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY--"
[ Corporal ]
...JUST BEYOND THOSE TREES
THERE'S A FARMHOUSE.
GO ON WITHOUT ME.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
I'M GONNA
SCOUT THAT FARMHOUSE.
AND IF IT'S CLEAR,
I'LL FIRE MY CARBINE
THREE TIMES SPACED.
GOT IT !
THAT SON OF A BITCH
DITCHES US,
I'LL KILL HIM.
WE COULD SURRENDER.
WHAT ?
WE COULD SURRENDER,
COULDN'T WE ?
WE'D JUST
HAVE TO STAY HERE--
ME AND THE CORPORAL
AND THE DAGO, WE'RE AMERICANS !
WE DON'T SURRENDER ! GOT THAT ?
HE'S TOOK OFF.
[ Exhales ]
[ Sighs ]
THAT CORPORAL.
HE'LL GET BACK HOME
AFTER THE WAR.
HE'LL BE A BIG HERO.
DAMES'LL BE CLIMBIN'
ALL OVER HIM.
COUPLE OF YEARS GO BY,
AND ONE DAY THERE'S
GONNA BE A KNOCK ON HIS DOOR,
AND THERE'LL BE THIS STRANGER.
"PAUL LAZZARO SENT ME,"
THE STRANGER WILL SAY
AND SHOOT HIS PECKER OFF.
STRANGER WILL GIVE HIM A COUPLE
OF SECONDS TO THINK ABOUT
WHO PAUL LAZZARO IS...
AND WHAT LIFE'S GONNA BE LIKE
WITHOUT A PECKER,
THEN HE'LL SHOOT HIM ONCE
IN THE GUTS AND WALK AWAY.
YES.
[ Woman ]
BILLY, YOU TIME TRIPPING AGAIN ?
I CAN ALWAYS TELL, YOU KNOW,
WHEN YOU'VE BEEN TIME TRIPPING.
YOU WERE BACK IN THE WAR,
WEREN'T YOU ?
TIME TRAVEL'S A BITCH
FOR YOU, ISN'T IT ?
PARTICULARLY THE WAR.
I CAN'T HELP IT.
WHY DON'T WE SEE IF
OLD MOTHU MONTANA CAN'T KEEP
YOU STUCK RIGHT HERE FOR AWHILE.
HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE KISS ?
A LITTLE KISS ?
- A LITTLE KI--
- A WHAT ?
- [ Sighs ]
A LITTLE KISS.
- YOU FUCKIN' FAGGOT !
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
YOU FUCKIN' FAIRY !
[ Dogs Barking ]
[ Indistinct Shouting ]
WHAT'S THE MATTER, FAGGOT ?
I WAS THINKIN' OF A GIRL.
[ Lazzaro ]
HE WANTED TO KISS ME.
[ Shouting ]
[ Barking Continues ]
I WAS IMAGINING THINGS
AND I WAS--
[ Barking ]
[ Arguing Continues ]
KRAUTS !
STEHEN SIE AUF.
[ Man, Woman Moaning ]
[ Woman ]
BILLY, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
[ Kissing ]
[ Woman ]
I'M SO GLAD I WAITED.
[ Billy ]
I'M GLAD
WE WAITED TOO.
OTHERWISE, IT WOULDN'T OF SEEMED
THE SAME TONIGHT.
NO, IT WOULDN'T.
[ Woman ]
IT STARTS THE WHOLE MARRIAGE OFF
ON THE RIGHT FOOT.
YEAH. YEAH.
I KNOW WHEN YOU WERE IN THE WAR
YOU MUST HAVE HAD EXPERIENCES.
WELL--
NO, DON'T TELL ME
ABOUT THEM ! IT WAS WARTIME.
ANYWAY, IT'S DIFFERENT
FOR A MAN THAN FOR A WOMAN.
I UNDERSTAND.
JUST SO GLAD WE WAITED.
SO AM I.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT ?
I'M GONNA LOSE WEIGHT
JUST FOR YOU, BILLY.
SEE.
BEFORE I NEEDED A REASON,
AND NOW...
I HAVE ONE !
HEY, BILLY. I THINK
WE'VE BEGUN THE LIFE
OF A NEW HERO.
HOW CAN YOU TELL ?
BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN.
[ Laughs ]
HUH !
AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
BILLY ?
WHAT ?
I NEVER THOUGHT
ANYBODY WOULD EVER MARRY ME.
I DID.
[ Speaking German ]
[ Woman Yelling In German ]
[ Man Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]
OH, JESUS !
STAY OFF MY FEET, WILL YA ?
[ Laughing ]
[ Girls Laughing, Chattering ]
[ Man ]
OH, WALK RIGHT, WILL YA ?
GEE, I'M SORRY.
YOU STEP ON HIS FEET AGAIN,
YOU SON OF A BITCH,
AND I'LL BREAK YOUR ASS !
YOU HEAR ME ?
DIE BLONDE HAAR.
BRINGEN SIE MARINE.
OVER HERE.
SCHNELL !
[ Speaking German ]
[ Shouting In German ]
[ Shouting
In German ]
[ Speaking German ]
GOOD. HOLD IT.
LOOK OUT HERE NOW.
CAN YOU GET THE SIGN IN ?
THE SIGN'S
IN GOOD.
OKAY, SMILE.
LOOKS GOOD.
HOLD IT.
BIG SMILE NOW.
BIG SMILE !
JA ! LACHELN.
LACHELN. LACHELN. JA.
HEY, THAT'S GOOD.
HOLD THAT KISS.
- WE GOT IT !
-[ Speaking German ]
[ German Continues ]
ALL YOU DOG FACES
FROM THE st OVER HERE.
FALL IN HERE.
IT'S YOUR OLD COLONEL, BOYS.
IT'S WILD BOB.
FOUR-FIFTY-FIRST.
YOU FROM THE st ?
SOME OF YOU BOYS
MUST BE FROM THE st.
I KNOW YOU, DON'T I ?
WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?
PILGRIM, SIR.
PILGRIM. OF COURSE !
I REMEMBER YOU.
DAMN FINE RIFLEMAN.
FINE RIFLEMAN, PILGRIM.
ONE OF THE BEST
IN THE st.
FIRST IN PEACE,
FIRST IN WAR, AND FIRST--
[ Speaking German ]
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !
AN OFFICER'S PLACE
IS WITH HIS MEN !
MY MEN NEED ME, AND I'M
STAYIN' WITH 'EM ! DON'T
WORRY; IT'S YOUR OLD COLONEL.
WILD BOB IS WITH YOU.
NO FORMALITIES. AT EASE.
BY GOD, WILD BOB'S
PROUD OF YOU.
THERE ARE DEAD GERMANS
ALL OVER THE PLACE
WISHIN' TO GOD THEY'D NEVER--
[ Coughs ]
[ Speaking German ]
I'M STAYIN' WITH MY MEN.
[ Speaking German ]
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
GOD BLESS YOU, BOYS.
BLESS YOU, BOYS.
BY GOD, BOY,
YOU'RE A GOOD SOLDIER.
YOU'LL COME
THROUGH THIS ALL RIGHT.
AND WHEN YOU
GET TO CODY, WYOMING,
JUST ASK FOR WILD BOB.
WE'LL HAVE ONE HELL
OF A REUNION.
GOD BLESS YOU, BOYS !
BLESS YA, BOYS !
A FAG FROLIC IN WYOMING.
I'LL BE THERE, PILGRIM,
WAITIN' FOR YOU.
[ Soldier On Train ]
COME ON.
THIS AIN'T SO BAD.
I BEEN IN A LOT WORSE SPOTS
THAN THIS.
TROY. WINTER OF ' .
COLD ?
I'LL TELL YOU !
OR TAKE THE TIME WATKINS
AND ME DECKED THE YARD BULL
AT WHITE RIVER JUNCTION.
HAD US IN THE PEN
FOR THREE WEEKS IN OUR SKIVVIES.
WOULD HAVE HAD PNEUMONIA
IF WE HADN'T JUMPED THE PLACE.
THEY TOOK US UP TO BURLINGTON
TO CHECK US OUT.
LAST I HEARD, JOE
WAS SOMEWHERES ON THE ALAGASH.
YOU TRY THAT SOMETIME, PAL.
YOU TRY THAT SOMETIME
IN FEBRUARY IN
THEN SEE
IF THIS IS SO BAD.
THERE ARE PLENTY
OF WORSE PLACES.
PLENTY OF WORSE PLACES.
[ Train Engine Chugging ]
[ Woman ] HE WAS
AT THE TOP OF HIS CLASS
IN OPTOMETRY WHEN THIS HAPPENED.
[ Man ]
I DON'T DOUBT IT,
MRS. PILGRIM.
THE DOCTOR SAYS
IT'S NERVOUS EXHAUSTION.
[ Scoffs ]
OH, I'M SURE
THAT'S ALL IT IS.
[ Mrs. Pilgrim ]
I THINK IT'S THE WAR.
THAT CERTAINLY COULD
HAVE A LOT TO DO WITH IT.
BUT HE HAD
SOME AWFUL EXPERIENCES.
HE WAS IN DRESDEN
WHEN IT WAS BOMBED.
HIS CLOSEST FRIEND
WAS KILLED THERE.
OH, DREADFUL.
DREADFUL.
AND HIS FATHER PASSED ON
WHILE BILLY WAS IN TRAINING.
BUT I KNEW GOD
WOULD SEND BILLY
HOME SAFE TO ME.
I PRAYED EVERY NIGHT,
MR. ROSEWATER.
EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T
BELONG TO A CHURCH.
WE'RE ALL
IN GOD'S HANDS, DEAR.
BILLY !
BILLY, MAMA'S HERE.
YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.
HE'S ENGAGED
TO A VERY RICH GIRL.
HER NAME'S VALENCIA.
VALENCIA MERBLE.
HER FATHER'S LIONEL MERBLE.
HE OWNS THE
ILIUM SCHOOL OF OPTOMETRY
WHERE BILLY WAS GOING.
HE'S BUILDING A BRAND-NEW
HOME FOR THEM ON THE LAKE
FOR A WEDDING PRESENT.
[ Whispers ]
IT'S A SURPRISE.
BILLY. BILLY,
SWEETHEART.
THE WAR IS OVER.
YOU CAN COME OUT NOW.
PILGRIM !
YOU KILLED ME, PILGRIM.
YOU SON OF A BITCH.
YOU CALL MY MOM AND DAD
IN PITTSBURGH, SEE.
YOU TELL THEM I DIED
AND THAT YOU KILLED ME !
[ Breathing Unevenly ]
WEARY.
THIS IS PAUL LAZZARO, WEARY.
I'LL GET REVENGE FOR YOU.
LAZZARO.
YEAH.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DOG ?
IT'S HOT.
SON-OF-A-BITCH DOG BIT ME.
SO I GOT SOME STEAK,
AND I GOT THIS SPRING OUT
OF A CLOCK, AND I CUT THAT
SPRING UP INTO LITTLE PIECES.
I STUCK IT INTO THE STEAK.
WAY INSIDE. I WENT TO WHERE
THEY HAD THAT DOG TIED UP.
I SAID, "HEY, BOY.
I'M NOT MAD. COME ON.
LET'S BE FRIENDS."
AND I THREW HIM THE STEAK,
AND I WAITED AROUND
FOR AROUND TEN MINUTES.
AND HE STARTED CRYIN',
AND THE BLOOD SPILLED
OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
HE TRIED TO CHEW OUT
HIS OWN INSIDES, AND I SAID,
[ Laughing ]
"HEY, BOY.
THAT'S ME INSIDE THERE
WITH THOSE KNIVES."
ANYBODY ASK YOU
THE SWEETEST THING IN THE WORLD,
IT'S REVENGE.
WEARY'S DEAD, PILGRIM.
[ Man ]
THE PATIENT HAS BEEN
SUFFERING FROM TRAUMA...
WHICH CAN BE TREATED
BY ELECTRIC SHOCK.
HELLO, BILLY.
HELLO.
WE'VE PRESCRIBED A SERIES OF
AND WE'RE UP TO NUMBER SEVEN.
THE PATIENT WAS
A PRISONER OF WAR IN DRESDEN
WHEN IT WAS BOMBED.
HE CLAIMS THAT WELL OVER
PEOPLE WERE BURNED
TO DEATH IN THE FIRE.
WORSE THAN HIROSHIMA.
AND SINCE BILLY
WAS ACTUALLY THERE,
IT'S NATURAL TO ASSUME THAT THIS
HAS HAD A CONTRIBUTING EFFECT
ON HIS PRESENT CONDITION.
HE'S READY, DOCTOR.
YOU'RE GOING TO SLEEP NOW,
BILLY.
[ Train Whistle Blowing ]
[ Whistle Continues ]
[ Brakes Screeching ]
AUFSTIEGEN.
WAS IS LOS ?
AROUSE !
AROUSE !
[ Soldiers Speaking German ]
[ Soldier ]
SCHNELL !
[ Shouting In German
Continues ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Soldier Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Speaking German ]
NAME ?
PAUL LAZZARO.
THAT'S TWO Z'S.
PARENTS ?
I DON'T GOT NO FAMILY.
I SAID TWO Z'S.
TO WHOM WE SEND THE NUMBER
IN CASE OF DEATH ?
SEND IT TO HIM.
THIS IS YOUR TAG.
DON'T FORGET IT.
[ Exhales ]
JA, WOHL.
[ Soldier ]
NAME ?
PARENTS ?
YOU WANT IT NOW, PILGRIM ?
OR IN THE MORNING ?
WHAT DO YOU WANT ?
- HEY, HEY ! WHY ME ?
-AUFSTEHEN !
OH, YOU'RE
ON MY LIST, PAL.
-AUFSTEHEN !
-AUFSTEHEN.
[ Yelling In German ]
GEAR IT DOWN, FELLA.
THESE GERMANS CAN BE
AWFULLY MEAN.
OH, YEAH ?
WELL, THEY DON'T
KNOW PAUL LAZZARO.
LISTEN. WE AMERICANS
HAVE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER.
WHO ARE YOU, POP ?
I'M EDGAR DERBY.
YEAH ? WELL,
I GOT SOMETHIN'
FOR YOU TO STICK, DERBY.
[ Breathing Heavily ]
[ Angrily Speaking German ]
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
HEY, YOU FUCKIN' GOON !
ALL RIGHT.
I'M TAKIN' 'EM OFF !
LEAVE ME ALONE !
I'LL TAKE 'EM OFF !
I'M WARNIN' YA, PAL.
[ Chattering ]
ALL RIGHT, SON.
OVER HERE.
HERE WE GO, BILLY BOY.
I'LL DRY YOU OFF.
TIME TO SINK OR SWIM !
THAT'S THE WAY
TO DO IT, PILGRIM.
BEST THING FOR HIM.
BY GOD, PILGRIM.
YOU'RE REALLY GONNA DO IT.
YOU BET YOUR BOOTS I'M GONNA
DO IT. HIS MAMA'S NOT GONNA
KEEP HIM ALL OF HIS LIFE.
MY OLD MAN DID THE SAME TO ME.
DONE ME A WORLD OF GOOD.
OH, YOU BETCHA !
IT'S THE ONLY WAY !
WELL, THIS IS IT, BILLY BOY.
IT'S SINK OR SWIM !
AND DON'T--
[ Men Laughing ]
[ Man ]
BILLY ?
BILLY ?
BILLY !
WHO ARE THEY ?
THEY'RE RUSSIAN PRISONERS.
[ Shouting Commands
In German ]
?? HAIL, HAIL
THE YANKS ARE HERE ??
?? JOIN THE MEN FROM DOVER
'TIL THE WAR IS OVER ??
?
?? WE BID YOU WELCOME HERE ?
?? WITH A LITTLE FOOD AND CHEER
YOU'RE WELCOME HERE ??
?? TO SHARE OUR FOOD ??
?? AND CHEER ????
[ Chattering ]
EVENING.
COME ALONG INSIDE.
WE'VE ORGANIZED
A LITTLE WELCOME.
WE HAD A COUPLE OF DAYS NOTICE
OF YOUR ARRIVAL.
THAT GAVE US
AN OPPORTUNITY TO PREPARE.
HEAR YOU HAD
A PRETTY BEASTLY TIME IN BONDEM.
JERRY PUT ON QUITE A SHOW.
IT CAN'T LAST FOREVER,
CAN IT ?
[ Chattering ]
- WHERE'D YOU GET ALL THIS ?
- RED CROSS. CLERICAL ERROR.
THEY'VE BEEN SENDING US
PARCELS A MONTH INSTEAD OF .
THREE YEARS NOW. WE'VE
GOT RATHER A LOT, ACTUALLY.
SHOULDN'T YOU TELL 'EM ?
SHOULDN'T YOU
GIVE IT BACK ?
OH, YANK. YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
IN THE FIGHT VERY LONG,
HAVE YOU ?
COME ALONG. I KEEP FORGETTING
WARS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FOUGHT
BY CHILDREN.
WHERE DID YOU
GET THIS ABSURD GARMENT ?
THEY GAVE IT TO ME.
WHO ?
THE GERMANS.
THEY DIDN'T GIVE YOU A COAT,
YANK, THEY GAVE YOU AN INSULT.
HEY, SON. OVER HERE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT I'M SAYING ?
JERRY TRIED
TO HUMILIATE YOU.
NOW YOU MUST WEAR THAT COAT
AS IF YOU WERE PROUD OF IT.
TEACH HIM A LESSON.
IT'S TERRIBLY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT.
IT'S BEEN ALMOST FOUR YEARS
SINCE I WAS TAKEN PRISONER.
TRUE, MOST OF US HERE.
WE HAVEN'T SEEN A WOMAN
OR A CHILD IN ALL OF THAT TIME.
THINK ABOUT THAT FOR A MINUTE.
WANT TO KNOW
HOW WE SURVIVED ?
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.
THE DAY THAT I WAS CAPTURED,
I MADE A PROMISE TO MYSELF:
EACH DAY I WOULD
BRUSH MY TEETH, SHAVE MY BEARD,
WASH MY HANDS AND FACE
BEFORE EACH MEAL, EVACUATE
MY BOWELS WITH REGULARITY.
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY ?
BECAUSE THE WAR CONSISTS OF
CONTINUAL PETTY HUMILIATIONS.
AND I FOR ONE WAS GOING
TO TREAT MYSELF WITH A GOOD DEAL
OF SELF-RESPECT AND SURVIVE.
DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN DO IT ?
?? JOHNNY FEDORA MET
ALICE BLUE BONNET ??
?? IN THE WINDOW
OF A DEPARTMENT STORE ??
GET IT !
?? IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ??
COME ON ! COME ON !
?
?? AND THEY PROMISED ONE NIGHT ?
-?? THEY'D BE SWEETHEARTS
FOREVERMORE ??
- BILLY. LUNCHTIME, HON.
?
OKAY,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
?? JOHNNY WOULD SERENADE ALICE ?
?? TOO RA LEI, TOO RA LIE
TOO RA LOO ??
SPOT, SIT. SIT. STAY.
SPOT, SIT. SIT !
?? HE SANG
OF A BEAUTIFUL PALACE ??
?? OF A BEAUTIFUL HATBOX
OF BLUE ??
HEEL. THAT'S RIGHT.
BILLY. BILLY. WANT A SNACK ?
?? BUT JOHNNY FEDORA
LOST ALICE BLUE BONNET ??
BE RIGHT IN.
?? TO A PATRON
OF THE DEPARTMENT STORE ??
?? HER BEAUTY WAS SOUGHT BY
THE GIRL SHE WAS BOUGHT BY ??
SPOT !
?? FOR $ . ????
[ Dog Barking ]
COME ON, SPOT.
YOU CAN DO IT.
COME ON, BOY !
COME ON, SPOT.
COME ON !
COME ON, BOY !
COME ON. JUMP IN.
COME ON. JUMP !
ATTA, BOY !
GOOD DOG, SPOT.
[ Siren Wailing ]
GOOD.
BILLY !
- BILLY !
- YEAH ?
-SUPPER TIME, HON.
- BE RIGHT IN.
SPOT, SIT UP.
?? HE LOOKED FOR HER UPTOWN ??
[ Continues Indistinct ]
[ Val ]
YOU THINK SO ?
COME ON. LOOK AT THAT !
NOW, ROLL OVER, SPOT.
ATTA, BOY. ISN'T HE GREAT ?
WHERE'S DADDY ?
THAT'S RIGHT.
WHERE'S MOMMY ?
WHERE'S MOMMY ?
WH-WHERE'S MOMMY ?
THAT'S RIGHT.
HI, SPOT. SPOT !
OH, BILLY ! GET THAT
GODDAMN MUTT OUT OF HERE.
GET HIM OUT OF HERE. OUT !
[ Crying ]
[ Val ]
OH, POOR BARBIE.
THAT ANIMAL !
HE'S RUINED THREE CARPETS,
TWO PAIRS OF SHOES--
HE'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.
?? FOR TRUE LOVE
WILL COME SMILING THROUGH ????
YOU'RE OKAY, SPOT.
YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU MAKE A LITTLE MISTAKE
NOW AND THEN, BUT YOU'RE OKAY.
YOU GOT HEART.
YEAH. OLD SPOT.
???? [ Classical ]
[ Lazzaro Whispering ]
PILGRIM.
PILGRIM.
PILGRIM !
CAN YA HEAR ME, PILGRIM ?
HUH ? CAN YA
HEAR ME, PILGRIM ?
WHEN DO YOU WANT IT ?
WHEN DO YOU WANT IT ?
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW WHEN
IT'S GONNA HAPPEN. MAYBE YEARS.
WHAT'S GOIN' ON ?
-ALL RIGHT, SON.
- THIS PORK CHOP
KILLED A FRIEND.
- I DIDN'T. I JUST--
- THIS MAN IS SICK.
YEAH ? WELL,
HE'S GONNA BE DEAD.
OUT.
YOU WANNA MAKE THE LIST ?
OUTSIDE, LAZZARINO.
LAZZARO !
L-A-Z--
OUT !
YOU THREATEN THIS MAN AGAIN,
I'LL BREAK YOU IN HALF.
[ Clears Throat ]
DON'T EVER ANSWER THE DOOR.
YOU TELL 'EM WHAT HAPPENS.
NOBODY FUCKS AROUND
WITH PAUL LAZZARO.
YOU TELL 'EM !
BOY'S ALL TWISTED UP INSIDE.
FEELIN' BETTER ?
YES, THANK YOU.
WHAT'S HE GOT AGAINST YOU ?
HE'S GOT THIS CRAZY IDEA
I CAUSED HIS FRIEND'S DEATH.
I DIDN'T, I--
I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T.
I'LL TALK SOME TURKEY
TO THAT BOY.
- WHAT HAPPENED ?
- YOU PASSED OUT,
AND I BROUGHT YOU IN HERE.
HERE. TRY SOME OF THIS.
THIS WILL FIX YOU UP.
KINDA HOT.
THANK YOU.
- ATTA, BOY.
TASTE PRETTY GOOD ?
- UH-HUH.
[ Sighs ]
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY.
WHAT THE HECK.
MIGHT AS WELL.
I GOT SOME FOOD
BACK THERE.
I DON'T MEAN TO BE IMPOLITE,
BUT HOW COME YOU'RE
IN THE ARMY ?
I COULDN'T STAY OUT.
NOT WITH THE NAZIS
AND JAPANESE...
THREATENING
TO CONQUER THE WORLD.
I'VE GOT A BOY YOUR AGE
SEEING ACTION
IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC.
HEY, THAT'S
REALLY SOMETHING.
YEAH.
I USED TO TELL MY STUDENTS
THERE'S A MONSTER
LOOSE IN THE WORLD.
I GOT TIRED
OF TELLING THEM,
AND I JOINED UP.
I THOUGHT
YOU WERE A TEACHER.
OH, COME ON.
YOU HAVE THAT CONFIDENCE
AND A VERY GOOD WAY WITH WORDS.
I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING.
WE DON'T MINCE PHRASEOLOGIES
AT BOSTON TRADE AND INDUSTRIAL.
[ Laughs ]
OH, BOY.
I WONDER IF MY FATHER
WERE STILL ALIVE IF, UH--
I DON'T THINK HE WOULD OF.
DON'T YOU EVER
SELL HIM SHORT, SON.
MOM WOULD NEVER
HAVE LET HIM.
YOU COULDN'T
BLAME HER, COULD YOU ?
BUT THEN
I'M LUCKY, I GUESS.
MARGARET'S A VERY
UNDERSTANDING WOMAN.
WE WERE
CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS.
HEY, THAT'S NICE.
YOU GOT A GIRL
BACK HOME ?
NO ONE SPECIAL.
MARGARET'S THE ONLY WOMAN
I'VE EVER KNOWN.
THERE'S MARGARET.
AW, SHE LOOKS AWFUL NICE.
SHE'S JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING
A MAN COULD ASK FOR.
OH, OH. WHAT'S THIS ?
THAT'S MY MOM
IN OUR BACKYARD.
OH, YOU HAVE
A VERY NICE-LOOKING MOTHER.
YEAH, SHE IS.
VERY NICE.
THAT'S A NICE HOUSE TOO.
THAT'S THE BACK.
THAT'S A NICE YARD.
NICE.
WHEN DID YOU ENLIST ?
IT WASN'T QUITE LIKE THAT.
I WAS DRAFTED.
OH ?
IT'S NOT THAT I DIDN'T
WANT TO GO, I JUST WANTED
TO FINISH SCHOOL FIRST.
WHERE WERE YOU IN SCHOOL ?
FIRST YEAR OF
THE ILIUM SCHOOL OF OPTOMETRY.
AN OPTOMETRIST.
THAT'S A VERY GOOD FIELD.
YES, 'CAUSE YOU'RE DOING THINGS
FOR PEOPLE, AND THERE'LL ALWAYS
BE A NEED FOR OPTOMETRISTS.
BOY, WHAT YOU JUST SAID...
IS A VERY GOOD
PHILOSOPHICAL WAY OF LIFE.
WHAT ?
I MEAN ABOUT FILLING A NEED
AND HELPING PEOPLE.
WHY, THAT'S SELF-DETERMINATION
AND FREE ENTERPRISE
BACKING ITSELF UP ALL THE WAY.
THAT'S WHY WE'RE IN EUROPE
STOPPING HITLER.
MY NAME'S EDGAR DERBY, SON.
WHAT'S YOURS ?
BILLY PILGRIM.
BILLY, IT'S NICE
TO HAVE YOU ABOARD.
THANK YOU.
YOU HAD ENOUGH
OF THAT ?
YES, I DID.
THANK YOU.
THE ENGLISH GAVE ME
THESE BOOTS.
DON'T MIND THE SILVER PAINT.
THEY DID THAT FOR A SKIT
ABOUT CINDERELLA.
IT WAS DARN FUNNY.
IT WAS A LOT OF SINGIN'
AND DANCIN' AND CRAZY STUFF.
YEAH, I ADMIRE THE ENGLISH.
THEY HAVE A GREAT
PHILOSOPHICAL WAY OF LIFE.
KEEP THEMSELVES GOING.
PUTTING ON SHOWS.
GILBERT AND SULLIVAN.
WHAT'S THIS ?
?? SHE'S HIS SWEETHEART ??
?? HE'S HER MAN ??
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
?? HE'S HER BILLY ??
?? SHE'S HIS VAL ??
[ Gasps ]
OH, BILLY !
?? THEY WERE MARRIED ??
A DIAMOND !
WHY DID YOU DO IT ?
?? NEVER TO PART ????
WHEN I GO ON THIS DIET
JUST FOR YOU,
I'M GOING TO BE SO SEXY.
I'LL MAKE YOU SO HAPPY.
JUST WAIT AND SEE.
LOOK. ISN'T IT DIVINE ?
[ Murmuring ]
GOODNESS !
THIS DIAMOND
HAS A STORY TO IT.
BILLY ACTUALLY FOUND IT
IN GERMANY DURING THE WAR.
BILLY, TELL 'EM ABOUT IT.
OH, GO AHEAD, DARLING,
TELL THEM.
NO.
BILLY'S TOO MODEST,
SO I'LL TELL YOU.
WHEN HE WAS A PRISONER
IN THIS--
GOOD BOY, BILLY.
THANKS.
[ Val ]
THEY GAVE HIM
AN AWFUL COAT TO WEAR.
CONGRATULATIONS.
[ Val ]
WHAT WAS HIS NAME, HON ?
WHO ?
THE ONE THAT WAS KILLED
IN DRESDEN.
- EDGAR DERBY.
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
POOR OLD EDGAR DERBY.
OH, THAT WAS REALLY AWFUL.
THEY SHOT HIM FOR, UH--
WHAT WAS IT, BILLY ?
WELL, ANYWAY,
BEFORE THAT,
THEY FOUND THIS DIAMOND
RIGHT IN THE POCKET
OF HIS COAT.
LORD KNOWS HOW IT GOT THERE,
AND LORD KNOWS WHY SOMEBODY
DIDN'T FIND IT BEFORE.
IT PROBABLY CAME
FROM SOME POOR OLD JEW.
SO MANY OF THEM
HAVE THEIR MONEY IN DIAMONDS.
JESUS, DAD !
I'M ON THE JOHN.
MY, GOD, ROBERT.
THERE'S A PARTY DOWNSTAIRS.
WHY DON'T YOU LOCK THE DOOR ?
'CAUSE MOM BROKE THE LOCK
THE LAST TIME I LOCKED IT.
CAN'T I HAVE
ANY PRIVACY ?
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT THERE ?
WHERE ?
THERE.
SHOULDN'T BE READING
THAT KIND OF JUNK, ROBERT.
JESUS !
[ Officer ]
LADS. LADS.
HEY, BILLY !
- BILLY. OVER HERE.
-[ English Officer ]
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION ?
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.
YOU'RE BEING TRANSFERRED
TO A CAMP IN DRESDEN.
[ Soldiers Groan ]
YOU'RE GOING TO BE LEAVING
FOR THERE THIS AFTERNOON.
ACTUALLY, I'M
QUITE ENVIOUS OF YOU.
DRESDEN IS A BEAUTIFUL CITY.
PAID A VISIT THERE MYSELF
BEFORE THE WAR.
BESIDES BEING QUITE LOVELY,
IT'S QUITE SAFE.
IT'S AN OPEN CITY
WITHOUT WAR INDUSTRIES
OR TROOP CONCENTRATIONS.
IT'S BY FAR
THE SAFEST PLACE TO BE UNTIL
WE GET THIS ALL OVER WITH.
NOW THEN, YOU MUST ELECT
A LEADER. HE'S GOING TO BE
IN CHARGE OF ALL THIS GROUP.
YOU'LL ALL BE UNDER
HIS DIRECT ORDERS,
AND HE WILL BE YOUR LINE
OF COMMUNICATION
WITH THE GERMANS.
NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN.
[ Snickers ]
YOU NEED A LEADER.
I NOMINATE
PAUL LAZZARO.
[ British Officer ]
LAZZARO. RIGHT.
ANYONE ELSE ?
WELL, THEN--
I NOMINATE EDGAR DERBY.
ANYONE ELSE ?
YOU'LL BE RESPONSIBLE,
TO THIS MAN YOU ELECT,
AND HE'LL BE RESPONSIBLE
TO THE GERMANS.
SO IF YOU MESS HIM UP,
HE'S THE ONE THEY'RE
GONNA BE AFTER.
OH, YEAH ? HEY, POP,
YOU WANT IT SO BAD;
YOU GOT IT.
I UN-NOMINATE LAZZARO.
[ Man ]
I DON'T THINK IT WILL COME
AS A SURPRISE TO ANYONE...
WHEN I INTRODUCE OUR LION'S CLUB
PRESIDENT FOR THE COMING YEAR.
OUR OWN BILLY PILGRIM.
-THE FLOOR'S ALL YOURS.
GOOD LUCK.
- OH, SHUT UP, WILL YA ?
[ Applause ]
[ Billy Applauding ]
[ Applause Continues ]
THANK YOU.
- [ Billy Applauding ]
- THANK YOU.
[ Billy Applauding ]
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU.
MR. WALTERS.
FELLOW LIONS.
I WILL DO MY BEST
TO LIVE UP TO THE--
CONFIDENCE YOU'VE SHOWED
BY "CHOSING"-- CHOOSE--
BY HAVING CHOSE ME HERE TODAY.
[ Snores ]
- UH, AND I KNOW THAT
MY FIRST RESPONSIBILITY...
- [ Laughs ]
IS TO SEE THAT EACH OF YOU
GETS THROUGH THIS SAFELY...
AND ARE REUNITED
WITH YOUR LOVED ONES.
[ Raspberry ]
[ Laughs ]
I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU--
I KNOW WE'RE ALL
OF DIFFERENT FAITHS,
BUT WE'RE ALL AMERICANS--
[ Lazzaro ]
OH, GOD.
TO BOW OUR HEADS TOGETHER
AND PRAY.
OH, GO TAKE A FLYING FUCK !
[ Val ]
IF THAT ISN'T
THE MOST OBSCENE VULGAR-- OH !
IS MY BATH READY,
SILVIO ?
YES, MA'AM.
MY ROBE, SILVIO.
HONESTLY, TO SHOW THIS KIND
OF JUNK AT A FAMILY DRIVE-IN.
IT'S DISGRACEFUL !
[ Woman On Screen ]
WHY DO YOU AVERT YOUR EYES
FROM ME, SILVIO ?
[ Val ]
WHY YOU WANTED TO TAKE
THE CHILDREN TO IT IS BEYOND ME.
MASSALINA CAN
GIVE YOU SALVATION FROM--
OH, ROBERT !
YOU SHOULDN'T SEE THAT !
MOM !
HEY !
DO YOU FIND MASSALINA
UNATTRACTIVE ?
- OH, GROSS !
- WOW !
- THAT'S ENOUGH !
-JESUS, MOM ! THEY SHOW
MORE IN HEALTH CLASS.
TAKE US HOME. I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD.
- SILVIO.
-[ Val ] DID YOU HEAR ME ?
- SHIT !
I WILL NOT TOLERATE THAT
KIND OF LANGUAGE IN FRONT
OF ME, GODDAMN IT !
I AM NOT GOING TO SUBJECT
MYSELF TO THAT FILTH...
OR ALLOW MY CHILDREN
TO BE SUBJECTED TO IT.
BILLY, I AM TALKING TO YOU !
COME ON.
SILVIO. SILVIO.
[ Val Screaming ]
BILLY !
BILLY. BILLY !
COME HERE.
SEE HOW YOU LIKE THIS ONE.
[ Clears Throat ]
"DEAR MEG,
"WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO DRESDEN
WHERE WE'LL HAVE TO DO
SOME WORK FOR THE GERMANS.
"IT WON'T BE WAR WORK
BECAUSE THE GENEVA CONVENTION
PROHIBITS THAT,
"AND BESIDES, THERE ISN'T
ANY WAR PRODUCTION IN DRESDEN.
"DRESDEN IS THE TOWN WHERE
OUR LITTLE DANCING FIGURE
CAME FROM.
REMEMBER THE ONE THAT JOHNNY
KNOCKED OFF THE TABLE
AND BROKE ?"
[ Laughs ]
"DRESDEN'S NEVER
BEEN BOMBED BECAUSE
IT ISN'T A MILITARY TARGET,
"SO WE'LL BE SAFE THERE.
"PLEASE WRITE TO JOHNNY
AND GIVE HIM ALL MY LOVE,
"AND TELL HIM I KNOW WE'LL ALL
BE BACK TOGETHER AGAIN SOON.
TELL HIM HOW PROUD
I AM OF HIM."
WHERE IS HE ?
YOUR BOY'S IN THE CAR,
MR. PILGRIM.
HE'S THE ONLY ONE
WE ACTUALLY CAUGHT.
THEY KNOCKED OVER
GRAVESTONES,
ALL TOLD.
[ Billy ]
WHY HE'D DO SUCH A THING ?
[ Police Officer ]
HAS HE EVER SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT CATHOLICS ?
-I MEAN, HAS HE
ANYTHING AGAINST THEM ?
- WE'VE GOT CATHOLIC FRIENDS.
WHAT WILL THE McNALLEY'S THINK ?
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO SAY
TO THE McNALLEY'S ?
MR. PILGRIM,
IF I COULD SEE YOU UP HERE.
MY, GOD !
WHY DID HE DO IT ?
I DON'T WANT
TO TAKE THE BOY
DOWN TO THE STATION.
IT MIGHT BE
EMBARRASSING TO YOU.
- MAYBE WE COULD HANDLE IT
IN SOME OTHER WAY.
-THANK YOU, OFFICER.
IF YOU CAN GET THE DAMAGES
FROM THE CHURCH,
I'D PAY FOR THAT.
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
AND I'D LIKE TO SHOW
MY APPRECIATION BY GIVING YOU
THIS FOR THE POLICEMAN'S FUND.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT,
MR. PILGRIM, BUT IT'S
VERY GENEROUS OF YOU.
I'LL CALL YOU AFTER
WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO DETERMINE
THE EXTENT OF THE DAMAGES.
WHAT'S THE MATTER, BILLY ?
YOU MUST BE
THE GREATEST FATHER
IN THE WORLD.
I LOVE MY SON, BILLY.
GUESS THAT'S ALL IT TAKES.
HEY, YOU GUYS.
WE'RE THERE.
[ Billy ]
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
I NEVER
SAW ANYTHING LIKE IT.
IT'S LOVELY.
[ Billy ]
IT'S THE LAND OF OZ.
???? [ Classical ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]
HERR KOMMANDANT.
[ Speaking German ]
???? [ Continues ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Speaking German ]
WHERE'SKOMMANDANT?
[ Speaking German ]
[ Clears Throat ]
I'M THE AMERICANKOMMANDANT.
[ Speaking German ]
THESE MEN--
I'M THE AMERICAN--
GUESS YOU BETTER GO.
OKAY, MEN. EVERYBODY
ON THE OTHER SIDE.
ICH BIN
THE AMERICANKOMMANDANT.
PERHAPS YOU
UNDERSTAND ENGLISH.
BACK AT THE CAMP,
THE MEN CHOSE ME--
GO BACK IN LINE.
I WAS TOLD
TO TAKE CHARGE.
[ Speaking German ]
OKAY, FELLAS.
MOVE OUT. MOVE OUT.
[ Woman Laughing ]
???? [ Stops ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Val ]
DON'T FOOL AROUND
WITH ANY OO-LA-LAS.
[ Billy ] HOW CAN I CHEAT
WITH YOUR OLD MAN AROUND ?
[ Lionel ]
THAT WON'T BE SO HARD.
WE JUST MAKE AN AGREEMENT.
YOU DON'T TALK,
AND I DON'T TALK.
DADDY, SHAME ON YOU !
[ Laughs ]
HEY, COME ON, BILLY.
WE'RE ON OUR WAY.
- BYE-BYE, BARB.
- BYE, VAL.
- HAVE A GOOD TIME.
BYE, SWEETHEART.
HAVE A GOOD TIME. BYE.
BYE, HON. OKAY.
[ Crowd Calling Farewells ]
BYE.
I KNOW THERE'S
GONNA BE MEETINGS,
BUT I REALLY MOSTLY
WANT YOU TO ENJOY YOURSELF.
BY GOD, YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU REALLY DO.
WANT ME TO TELL YOU
A SECRET, HUH ?
I WOULDN'T TELL ANYBODY THIS,
OF COURSE, BUT...
WHEN VALENCIA BROUGHT YOU HOME
AND WANTED TO MARRY YOU, TO TELL
YOU THE HONEST-TO-GOD TRUTH,
I THOUGHT SHE'D BROUGHT HOME
A FIRST-CLASS LOSER !
[ Plane Engines Whirring ]
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT.
BUT YOU PROVED ME WRONG.
[ Whirring Grows Louder ]
I'M THE FIRST
TO ADMIT IT.
YOU PROVED
OLD LIONEL WRONG.
[ Lionel Continues,
Indistinct ]
DAD ?
FINE FAMILY MAN,
AND I'M--
THE PLANE'S GONNA CRASH.
[ Laughs ]
OH, COME ON, BILLY-BOY !
IN MINUTES,
THE WHOLE THING CRACKS UP.
YOU CAN'T GET OUT
OF YOUR SEAT !
STOP THE PLANE.
NO ONE'S ALLOWED
IN THE COCKPIT, SIR.
IT'S GONNA CRASH. I ORGANIZED
THIS CHARTER; I'M RESPONSIBLE--
DO YOU WANT TO BE REMOVED ?
BUT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND !
WE'VE GOT OUR CLEARANCE
FOR THE TAKEOFF.
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE ALL
RIGHT. LEAVE THE DRIVING TO US.
LOUSY, DRUNK, SON OF A BITCH !
GOD, I HATE
THESE CHARTER FLIGHTS.
?? OH, THERE'S A CHANGE
IN THE WEATHER, THERE'S
A CHANGE IN THE SCENE ??
?? BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM
SO FROM NOW ON THERE'LL
BE A CHANGE IN ME ??
?? BUM, BUM
MY WALK WILL BE DIFFERENT
MY TALK AND MY NAME ??
?? BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM
NOTHIN' ABOUT ME ??
?? WILL BE THE SAME ??
YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT ?
THAT SURE WAS A LOUSY JOKE
YOU PULLED BACK THERE
ABOUT THE PLANE CRASHING.
I'M SORRY, DAD.
FORGET IT.
STEWARDESS,
BRING THIS YOUNG FELLA
ANOTHER DRINK !
?? BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM
THERE'LL BE SOME CHANGES ??
?? MADE TODAY ????
[ Explosion ]
[ Engines Whining ]
[ Train Rumbling ]
[ Bell Clangs ]
[ Traffic Noises,
Pedestrians Speaking German ]
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
THIS IS SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
FUNFIS ENGLISH FIVE.
SCHLACHTIS SLAUGHTER.
HOFIS HOUSE.
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF:
SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE.
NO, THE RULES OF THE GENEVA
CONVENTION PROHIBIT--
HALTES MAL ! HALTES MAL !
YOU MUST LEARN THE ADDRESS
FOR YOUR OWN WELL-BEING.
IN EVENT OF EMERGENCY,
YOU WILL SAY SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
SAY IT, PLEASE. SCHLACHT.
[ Prisoners ]
SCHLACHT.
- HOF.
- HOF.
- FUNF !
- FUNF.
- SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
- SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
[ Billy ]
FUNF.
SCHLACHT... HOF...
FUNF.
SCHLACHT...
HOF.
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
HOF... FUNF.
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
[ Tires Squealing ]
I'M COMING, BILLY !
I'M COMING !
- [ Whines ]
- [ Tires Screeching ]
[ Sobbing ]
I'M COMING TO YOU !
[ Honking ]
[ Honking ]
[ Tires Screech ]
FOR GOD'S SAKES, LADY !
WHY'D YOU JAM ON YOUR BRAKES ?
LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE !
[ Wailing ]
MY BILLY FELL OUT
OF A PLANE !
I WAS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL !
I MISSED MY ENTRANCE !
I'LL DRIVE YOU THERE.
NO ! IT'S
IN VERMONT, STUPID !
[ Sobbing ]
BILLY.
HEY, LET ME
SEE YOUR LICENSE !
I HAVEN'T GOT TIME !
YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE SCENE
OF AN ACCIDENT, LADY !
YOUR EXHAUST
IS SHOT TO HELL !
DAMN IT, LADY !
- YOU'RE GOIN'
THE WRONG WAY !
-[ Car Honking ]
GET OUT OF THE WAY !
GODDAMN !
GET OUTTA THE WAY !
[ Truck Honking ]
FIRST SHE BACKED INTO ME. THEN
SHE WENT THE WRONG WAY AND--
[ Tires Squealing ]
OH, MY GOD,
HERE SHE COMES AGAIN.
[ Car Rattling ]
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Siren Continues ]
I'M COMING TO YOU,
BILLY. I'M COMING !
-SWEETHEART. HONEY ?
- HMM.
HUH ? WHAT ?
WAKE UP, WAKE UP.
WAKE UP !
WHAT ?
HERE.
WHAT IS IT ?
[ Gasps ]
BILLY ! WHAT IS IT ?
FOLLOW IT AND FIND OUT.
BILLY !
COME ON.
OH, BILLY. YOU'RE
ALWAYS UP TO SOMETHING.
YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
THANK YOU. BEAUTIFUL !
BUT DID YOU MAKE THIS ?
NEVER MIND THE BOW.
FOLLOW THE YELLOW-BRICK ROAD.
[ Squealing ]
FOLLOW THE YELLOW-BRICK ROAD !
[ Laughs ]
FOLLOW THE YELLOW-BRICK ROAD !
OH, BILLY !
COME ON. FOLLOW IT.
[ Squeals ]
BILLY !
COME ON, MAMA ! FOLLOW.
FOLLOW THE YELLOW-BRICK ROAD !
[ Barbara ]
MOM ! COME ON DOWN, MOM.
DID YOU REALLY MAKE THIS BOW ?
NEVER MIND.
[ Barbara ]
MOM ! HURRY !
I'M COMING.
[ Laughs ]
ROBERT !
[ Barbara ]
MOM, HURRY.
BILLY ! BILLY,
I CAN'T GO OUT LIKE THIS.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
FOLLOW THE GOLDEN THREAD.
[ Gasps ]
A CADILLAC !
OH, BILLY !
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HON.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM !
A CADILLAC !
A WHITE CADILLAC !
IT'S WHAT I'VE
ALWAYS WANTED !
[ Squeals, Laughs ]
COME ON, ROBERT !
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
A WHITE CADILLAC !
OH, BILLY.
OH, SWEETHEART.
AND NOW YOU'VE GOT IT.
OH, IT'S A LITTLE TIGHT.
YOU CAN ADJUST THE SEAT
WITH THIS, SEE ?
OH, NO, NO !
THAT'S TOO TIGHT !
OR BACKWARD.
YOU CAN MAKE IT GO UP--
OH, NO !
IT'S SQUISHING ME !
OR DOWN.
[ Giggling ]
IT'S WONDERFUL !
I'M GONNA LOSE WEIGHT !
OH, I'M REALLY GONNA, BILLY.
I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU.
[ Horn Honks ]
[ Car Rattling ]
GET THE STRETCHER ! QUICK !
-[ Doctor ] WAS HE ALERT
IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM ?
-[ Man ] NO, NOT VERY.
HIS RIGHT EYE WAS DILATING
AND HIS BLOOD PRESSURE WAS UP.
HE SEEMED PRETTY DROWSY.
[ Woman ]
HE'S SHAVED
AND PREPPED, DOCTOR.
LET'S GET THE PRESSURE OFF.
ARE THE INSTRUMENTS READY ?
YES, DOCTOR.
BETTER GET IN QUICKLY, BILL.
HIS RIGHT PUPIL NO LONGER
REACTS TO LIGHT.
SCALPEL.
[ Respirator Pumping ]
[ Doctor ]
CAUTERY.
[ Pumping Continues ]
ELECTRIC BURR.
[ Electric Burr Buzzing ]
LET ME HAVE SOME SALINE.
EACH DAY, YOU WILL RECITE
YOUR NUMBER SO WE'LL KNOW
HOW MANY MEN ARE HERE.
THERE'LL BE NO TALKIN'
TO GERMANS UNLESS TALKED TO.
WHEN THE WAR IS OVER,
WE'LL TALK.
[ Respirator Pumping ]
LET'S MAKE ANOTHER
BURR HOLE RIGHT HERE.
EACH DAY, YOU WILL BE GIVEN
A WORKING ASSIGNMENT...
FOR FACTORY,
CLEANING OR MAIL.
BUT THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE
ANY TALKING TO GERMAN.
WHEN YOU TALK, YOU TALK
TO YOUR GUARDS ONLY.
[ Bleeping ]
[ Man ]
BLOOD PRESSURE IS FALLING OFF.
EINS, ZWEI !
EINS, ZWEI ! EINS, ZWEI !
[ Pumping Continues ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Doctor ]
WHAT ARE YOU GIVING HIM ?
[ Anesthetist ]
I'M STILL GIVING HIM D W.
[ Heart Monitor
Bleeping ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Speaking German ]
[ Respirator Pumping,
Bleeping Continues ]
[ Bleeping Stops ]
[ Anesthetist ]
IT LOOKS LIKE THE PRESSURE'S
COMING UP NOW.
LET'S SEE HOW WE DO IN THE
NEXT FIVE OR TEN MINUTES.
[ Bleeping Resumes ]
MRS. SHAW ?
I'M DOCTOR ELLENBOGEN.
YOUR FATHER'S GONNA BE
ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS VERY DIFFICULT,
BUT HE CAME THROUGH
IN GOOD SHAPE.
STANLEY, HE'S GONNA
BE ALL RIGHT !
WONDERFUL.
DID YOU FIND MOTHER ?
WELL, IT--
IT'S CRAZY, BARBARA.
I-- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHAT'S CRAZY, STANLEY ?
WHERE'S MAMA ?
COME ON, HONEY.
L-LET'S SIT DOWN.
LISTEN. I THINK WE'LL TAKE CARE
OF YOUR FATHER 'TIL HE'S ABLE
TO TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?
WELL, I LOOKED ALL OVER
FOR YOUR MOM,
AND THEN I ASKED
ONE OF THE NURSES.
AND THEY SAID THAT--
THAT SHE DIED ABOUT
THREE HOURS AGO.
SO I HAD TO FIND OUT
IF IT WAS THE RIGHT ONE.
AND IT WAS.
SHE WAS.
HOW ?
I DON'T KNOW, UH--
SHE HAD SOME KIND OF
ACCIDENT WITH THE CAR...
AND GOT CARBON MONOXIDE
POISONING.
BUT SHE DRIVES A CADILLAC !
HONEY, I DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S WHAT THEY TOLD ME.
OH, GOD.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Woman ]
HI, DARLING. HOW YOU FEELING ?
DIRTY SONS OF BITCHES.
BUREAUCRATIC BASTARDS.
THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO PUT ME
IN A ROOM WITH A BASKET CASE.
-THEY JUST DON'T HAVE
A PRIVATE ROOM, SWEETHEART.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW--
GODDAMN IT, LILY !
I'M GONNA PEPPER YOUR
RADCLIFFE ASS WITH BUCKSHOT
IF I CATCH YOU SMOKING AGAIN !
YOU BETTER STAY IN CONDITION
TO KEEP UP WITH B.C. RUMFOORD.
- [ Chuckles ]
- YOU GUYS GO ON WITHOUT ME.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
CHRIST. ALL HE DOES
IN HIS SLEEP...
IS QUIT AND SURRENDER
AND APOLOGIZE.
SHOOT. I COULD CARVE
A BETTER MAN OUT OF A BANANA.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Sighs ]
DID YOU BRING ME THOSE
BOOKS FROM WIDENER ?
THE BOYS AT THEHARVARD CRIMSON
HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BIT ABOUT YOU.
OH ?
THEY CALL YOU THE RED BARON
OF MILITARY HISTORY...
[ Laughing ]
AND WANT YOU
TO GET WELL SOON.
THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS !
THE TRUMAN STATEMENT
ABOUT HIROSHIMA IS IN HERE,
AND THOSE EIGHT
ARMY AIR FORCE DOCUMENTS.
OH, YEAH.
AND THE IRVING BOOK
ON DRESDEN.
I WAS THERE.
HONEY, WHY DID THEY KEEP DRESDEN
A SECRET FOR SO LONG ?
OH, HELL. FOR FEAR
A LOT OF BLEEDING HEARTS...
WOULD SAY BOMBING IT
WAS A CHICKEN SHIT THING TO DO.
MY BOOK'S GONNA LAY IT
ON THE LINE, SWEETHEART.
NOBODY'S GONNA WEEP
AND WAIL OVER DRESDEN
AFTER THEY READ MY BOOK.
I WAS THERE.
WHAT'S HE SAYING ?
HE SAID HE WAS THERE.
SAYS HE WAS WHERE ?
DRESDEN.
AT DRESDEN, B.C. !
THE HELL WITH HIM.
LET HIM WRITE HIS OWN BOOK.
[ Seagulls Calling ]
[ Church Bells Tolling ]
[ Billy ]
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
[ Rumfoord ]
WHAT THE HELL IS HE SAYING NOW ?
[ Billy ]
ICH BIN AMERIKANISCHE SOLDAT.
DRESDEN.
SCHLACHTHOF-FUNF.
YOU WANNA KNOW
SOMETHING ?
WE DIDN'T START THE LAST WAR;
THE NAZIS DID.
AND PEOPLE
DYING IN DRESDEN...
DOES NOT SEEM SO VERY MUCH WHEN
PUT AGAINST OVER FIVE MILLION
ALLIES WHO HAD TO DIE !
AND YOU JUST MIGHT REMEMBER THAT
WHEN WE WERE BOMBING DRESDEN,
THE GERMANS WERE SENDING V-
AND V- ROCKETS INTO LONDON,
KILLING MEN, WOMEN AND CHILDREN.
[ Lily ]
DON'T GET SO UPTIGHT.
JESUS !
IT GIVES ME A PAIN: WEEPING
OVER DRESDEN AND NOT GIVE A DAMN
ABOUT OUR OWN LOSSES !
HEY, WHAT ABOUT COVENTRY ?
WHAT ABOUT ROTTERDAM ?
WHAT ABOUT THE EXTERMINATION
CAMPS THE GERMANS WERE RUNNING ?
GASSING, MAIMINGS ?
[ Children Chattering ]
[ Hooting, Hollering ]
[ Prisoners Chattering,
Griping ]
I WANT YOUR ATTENTION.
[ Chuckling ]
ATTENTION, PLEASE.
YOU ARE HAVING A VISITOR.
HOWARD CAMPBELL, JUNIOR.
I HAVE JUST COME BACK
FROM THE RUSSIAN FRONT,
SO I'LL MAKE IT SHORT.
I KNOW HOW HUNGRY YOU ARE.
FOOD'S NOT MUCH THOUGH, IS IT ?
FOOD'S TERRIFIC !
ALMOST AS NEAT AS YOUR OUTFIT !
[ Laughs ]
MEN, I HAVE
A PROPOSITION
FOR YOU.
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
COME BACK TO AMERICA
AFTER THIS WAR AS HEROES ?
GREAT, AS LONG AS I COULD
WEAR THAT FAG OUTFIT !
-[ Scattered Chuckles ]
- [ Laughing ]
[ Clears Throat ]
SINCE YOU'RE SO INTERESTED
IN MY OUTFIT, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT IT'S ABOUT.
BLUE IS FOR THE AMERICAN SKY.
WHITE IS FOR THE RACE THAT
PIONEERED THAT CONTINENT,
CLEARED THE FORESTS,
DRAINED THE SWAMPS, BUILT
THE ROADS AND THE BRIDGES.
AND THE RED IS FOR THE BLOOD
OF FINE AMERICAN BOYS...
THAT'S BEEN SHED
IN DEFENSE OF YOUR FREEDOM.
[ Prisoners Muttering ]
I DON'T SEE YOU SHEDDING
ANY BLOOD, CAMPBELL.
YOU ALL KNOW THAT COMMUNISM
IS OUT TO ENSLAVE THE WORLD.
AND WHO'S OUT THERE
TRYING TO STOP THEM ?
THE GERMANS ! THEY'RE
NOT YOUR ENEMIES.
THEY'RE YOUR ALLIES !
COMMUNISM IS THE ENEMY
OF ALL OF US !
- I WANT VOLUNTEERS FOR
THE FREE AMERICAN CORPS.
- [ Lazzaro Coughs ]
-MEN WHO ARE WILLING TO
STAND UP TO THESE COMMIES.
- SIT DOWN, LAZZARO !
I DIDN'T VOTE FOR YOU,
DERBY.
GOOD. NOW, WHO'S NEXT ?
-[ Siren ]
-IF WE DON'T STOP THEM--
- EVERYBODY TO THE AIR SHELTER.
MOVE. LET'S GO !
[ Man ]
GET OUTTA MY WAY.
THERE'LL BE NO BOMBS.
CHURCHILL'S NEPHEW
LIVES IN DRESDEN.
[ Siren Blaring ]
[ Siren Continues ]
DON'T WORRY, SOLDIER.
[ Door Slams Shut ]
WELL, MEN, DO I HAVE
ONLY ONE VOLUNTEER ?
LISTEN, PAL. I ONLY STOOD UP
BACK THERE TO TELL YOU THAT ONE
DAY YOUR DOORBELL'S GONNA RING,
AND THERE'S GONNA BE THIS GUY
IN A TRENCH COAT--
WE'LL EAT GERMAN CRAW
FOR SO LONG, CAMPBELL,
BECAUSE WE HAVE TO.
BUT WE'D RATHER DIE
THAN EAT YOUR DUNG,
WHICH IS SICK AND LOUSY
AND FOUL !
HISTORY WILL PROVE YOU
AN ASS.
[ Airplane Engines Droning ]
OH, SHIT.
[ Bombs Shrieking ]
NO BOMBS,
EH, CAMPBELL ?
YOU CAN'T TRUST
THE JEWS.
[ Continuous Explosions ]
DADDY, YOU SHOULD REALLY
STAY WITH US.
AND YOU SHOULDN'T TALK
ABOUT MAMA...
OR THE ACCIDENT,
OR EVEN THE WAR.
I JUST WANNA GO HOME.
BUT WE WANT YOU WITH US !
I'LL BE FINE.
JUST FOR ONE NIGHT ?
NO.
OH, DADDY. HONESTLY !
DADDY, YOU SHOULD
CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY.
PRACTICALLY EVERY OPTOMETRIST
IN ILIUM WAS WIPED OUT.
STANLEY'S BEEN WORKING
NIGHT AND DAY FOR YOU.
STINKING OLD DOG.
HELLO, SPOT.
YEAH.
YEAH.
DADDY, HONESTLY !
WON'T YOU PLEASE CHANGE YOUR
MIND AND COME STAY WITH US ?
YOU'LL BE IN THIS EMPTY HOUSE
WITH THAT OLD DOG.
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
BUT, DADDY, BE REALISTIC.
YOU JUST TURNED MIDDLE-AGED.
YOU'VE GOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE
AHEAD OF YOU.
GOOD NIGHT, DEAR.
[ Door Creaks ]
[ Metal Clatters ]
[ Flames Crackling ]
[ Soldier Coughs ]
[ Coughing ]
JA, SCHWEINE !
VERFLUCHEN SCHWEINE !
[ Men Shouting ]
[ Screams ]
MAMA !
MAMA !
MAMA ! MAMA !
[ Fire Fighters Shouting ]
[ Boy Wailing In German ]
-[ Robert ] DAD ? DAD ?
-[ Boy Screaming ]
PAPA !
DAD ?
ROBERT ?
HIYA, DAD.
HI, SPOT.
HOW DID YOU GET HERE ?
WELL, THEY--
THEY GAVE ME LEAVE
TO VISIT MOM.
[ Sighs ]
BUT YOU KNOW--
SURE, DAD. I KNOW.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
AND TO SEE YOU.
HOW ARE YOU, DAD ?
I'M FINE.
GOD, DAD. TO THINK THAT
YOU LIVED. IT'S A MIRACLE.
LIKE ONE TIME WHEN A CHOPPER
GOT HIT BY CHARLIE,
JUST OUTSIDE OUR CAMP.
IT CAME DOWN LIKE,
LIKE A STONE.
BUT THE DOOR GUNNER
WALKED AWAY.
DAD ?
DAD, I-I DID THE RIGHT
THING, JOINING UP.
I'M SURE YOU DID, SON.
AAH, IT'S A LOUSY WAR, BUT
SOONER OR LATER IT'S GONNA
BE US OR THE COMMUNISTS.
WE'VE GOTTA STAND UP
TO THEM SOMEWHERE.
DAD ?
DAD ?
I KNOW YOU AND MOM
WORRIED ABOUT ME A LOT.
I GUESS I HAVEN'T BEEN
THE BEST OF SONS.
YOU'VE BEEN JUST FINE, ROBERT.
NO, I-- I KNOW
I WAS PRETTY WILD,
AND I WANT TO MAKE UP
FOR IT.
REMEMBER THAT STUFF
IN THE CEMETERY ? GEEZ !
I'M SO ASHAMED OF THAT NOW.
REALLY, I AM.
BUT I'VE CHANGED
A LOT, DAD.
AND I JUST HOPE I CAN
MAKE YOU REAL PROUD
OF ME FROM NOW ON.
YOU ALREADY HAVE, ROBERT.
DAD, WILL YOU COME
TO MOM'S GRAVE WITH ME ?
I'M NOT READY YET.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, DAD.
I'M JUST NOT READY.
OKAY, DAD.
[ Applause, Cheering ]
WHAT'S HAPPENED ?
[ Cheering Continues ]
WHERE AM I ?
[ Spokesman ]
WELCOME TO THE PLANET
TRALFAMADORE, MR. PILGRIM.
TRALFAM--
TRALFAMA--
TRALFAMADORE.
OH.
[ Spectators Murmuring ]
HOW DID I GET HERE ?
THERE IS NO "HOW," MR. PILGRIM.
THERE IS NO WHY.
THE MOMENT SIMPLY IS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WHERE ARE YOU ?
OH, YOU CAN'T SEE US,
MR. PILGRIM.
WE LIVE IN THE FOURTH DIMENSION.
BUT WE CAN SEE YOU,
AND THERE ARE MANY
IMPORTANT TRALFAMADORIANS
HERE TO WELCOME YOU.
OH. WELL, UH,
HOW DO YOU DO ?
WE HOPE THAT YOU'LL FIND YOUR
ACCOMMODATIONS HERE SUITABLE.
I HAVE TO STAY HERE ?
I'M AFRAID SO.
YOU MEAN, I CAN'T LEAVE
OF MY OWN FREE WILL ?
MR. PILGRIM, WE HAVE VISITED
INHABITED PLANETS
IN THE UNIVERSE.
WE HAVE STUDIED REPORTS
ON A HUNDRED MORE,
AND ONLY ON EARTH
IS THERE ANY TALK OF FREE WILL.
WELL--
WHAT'LL I DO ?
[ German Officer ]
YOU WILL AID IN THE REMOVAL
OF THE BODIES.
THOSE THAT ARE IDENTIFIABLE...
WILL BE TAGGED.
THEIR PERSONAL EFFECTS WILL BE
TAGGED AND GIVEN TO AN OFFICER.
THERE WILL BE
A CLASSIFICATION...
ACCORDING TO THE DEGREE...
THAT THE VICTIM
CAN BE IDENTIFIED.
ANY LOOTING OR STEALING...
WILL BE DEALT WITH
BY A FIRING SQUAD.
FOLLOW ME.
[ Billy ]
IT LOOKED LIKE
THE END OF THE WORLD.
[ Spokesman ]
WHAT LOOKED LIKE THE END
OF THE WORLD, MR. PILGRIM ?
[ Billy ]
DRESDEN, AFTER THE BOMBING.
[ Spokesman ]
DON'T BE SO EGOCENTRIC.
WE KNOW HOW THE WORLD ENDS,
AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO
WITH EARTH,
EXCEPT THAT IT
GETS WIPED OUT TOO.
[ Billy ]
REALLY ? HOW DOES IT END ?
[ Spokesman ]
WHILE WE'RE EXPERIMENTING
WITH NEW FUELS,
A TRALFAMADORIAN TEST PILOT
PANICS, PRESSES
THE WRONG BUTTON,
AND THE WHOLE UNIVERSE
DISAPPEARS.
[ Billy ]
BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP HIM !
IF YOU KNOW THIS, CAN'T YOU KEEP
THE PILOT FROM PRESSING--
[ Spokesman ]
HE HAS ALWAYS PRESSED IT,
AND HE ALWAYS WILL.
WE ALWAYS LET HIM,
AND WE ALWAYS WILL LET HIM.
THE MOMENT IS STRUCTURED
THAT WAY.
[ Spokesman ]
MR. PILGRIM, A PLEASANT WAY
TO SPEND ETERNITY...
IS TO IGNORE THE BAD TIMES
AND CONCENTRATE ON THE GOOD.
[ Spectators Exclaiming ]
- [ Screaming ]
-[ Spectators Applaud, Cheer ]
[ Screaming ]
IT'S-- IT'S ALL RIGHT !
IT'S ALL RIGHT !
WILL YOU BE QUIET, PLEASE ?
WILL YOU PLEASE BE QUIET ?
CAN'T YOU SEE
YOU'RE FRIGHTENING HER ?
-[ Spectators Gasp,
Spot Barks ]
- WHO ARE YOU ?
[ Barking ]
WHO ARE YOU ?
[ Choking ]
MY NAME'S PILGRIM.
WHAT'S THIS SCENE ?
- WHERE ARE WE ?
- [ Gasping ] WE'RE ON
A DISTANT PLANET.
[ Spokesman ]
ARE YOU MATING NOW ?
[ Panting ]
WHAT ?
HAVE YOU MATED ?
WHO ARE YOU ?
I'M A TRALFAMADORIAN,
MISS WILDHACK.
A WHAT ?
YOU'RE ON THE PLANET
TRALFAMADORE, MISS WILDHACK,
BILLION MILES FROM EARTH.
OH, JESUS.
[ Whispering ]
HEY, HEY. HEY.
[ Grunts ]
YOU'RE OKAY ?
YES, THANK YOU.
WHEN WERE YOU BORN ?
WHAT MONTH ?
WHAT MONTH ?
WHAT MONTH ?
JULY.
WHAT DAY ?
THE FOURTH.
THE FOURTH OF JULY.
YOU'RE PRACTICAL,
STRAIGHTFORWARD,
WITH A BELIEF IN OTHERS...
BASED ON YOUR OWN INTEGRITY
AND ALMOST COMPULSIVE HONESTY.
YOU'RE A MOON CHILD !
OH, YOU'RE A MOON CHILD.
I'M A WHAT ?
A MOON CHILD. THAT'S YOUR SIGN.
WERE YOU BORN IN THE MORNING
OR THE AFTERNOON ? IT DOESN'T
MATTER. I DON'T HAVE MY CHARTS.
MISS WILDHACK ? WOULD YOU
LIKE SOMETHING TO WEAR ?
OH, YES.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
UM--
I WAS, UH--
I WAS DOWN IN PALM SPRINGS
AT A HOME OF A PRODUCER
FRIEND OF MINE,
SUNNING MYSELF
BY THE POOL.
THAT'S WHY I'M LIKE THIS.
I DON'T WANT HALTER MARKS.
NATURALLY. AND...
ALL OF A SUDDEN,
IT WAS LIKE A-- A RAY--
THIS IS ALL
I CAN OFFER.
THANK YOU.
AND--
I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
MEAN TO INTERRUPT.
TH-THAT'S ALL THERE IS.
AND THE NEXT THING,
I WAS--
I WAS HERE.
WHAT'S IT LIKE UP HERE ?
I DON'T KNOW.
WE CAN'T LEAVE THE DOME.
[ Spokesman ]
THE ATMOSPHERE OF TRALFAMADORE
IS CYANIDE.
IT WOULD BE FATAL TO YOU
IF YOU LEFT THE DOME.
THIS IS IT ?
I'M... AFRAID SO.
HOW LONG WILL THEY
KEEP US HERE ?
I DON'T KNOW.
[ Spokesman ]
YOU ARE HERE,
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HERE,
AND YOU WILL
ALWAYS BE HERE.
IS HE TRYING TO BLOW
MY MIND ?
NO, NO, NO.
IT ALL MAKES SENSE IN A WAY.
YOU SEE, IN TRALFAMADORE--
[ Spokesman ]
WOULD YOU PLEASE MATE NOW ?
LOOK. WE'RE NOT GOING
TO PUT ON A SHOW FOR YOU.
THAT'S ONE THING.
ANOTHER IS I DEMAND YOU GET
MISS WILDHACK SOME CLOTHING.
[ Spokesman ]
IF SHE'S COLD, WE CAN ALWAYS
REGULATE THE TEMPERATURE.
NOW, YOU GET DOWN TO EARTH
AND GET MISS WILDHACK...
A COMPLETE WARDROBE,
AND ONE THAT FITS !
WHAT'S YOUR SIZE ?
I TAKE A TEN.
BUT I HAVE TO TAKE IT IN HERE
AND LET IT OUT A LITTLE HERE.
SO, THEY'LL HAVE TO BRING
A NEEDLE AND THREAD.
DID YOU HEAR THAT ?
AND REMEMBER, MISS WILDHACK
IS USED TO THE BEST.
THANKS ! UH--
- BILLY.
- BILLY.
NOW WE WOULD LIKE
THE NIGHT CANOPY.
[ Spokesman ]
WHY DO YOU WISH
THE NIGHT CANOPY ?
[ Billy ]
BECAUSE WE WANT IT !
WILL YOU MATE ?
WE HARDLY KNOW EACH OTHER !
DO YOU MIND IF WE TAKE TIME
TO GET BETTER ACQUAINTED ?
[ Spokesman ]
YOU ARE ACTING VERY UNNATURALLY.
WE WOULD LIKE
THE NIGHT CANOPY.
[ Spokesman ]
OH, VERY WELL.
[ Spectators Groan ]
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT
ON THE COUCH ?
WHERE IS IT ?
HERE. JUST TAKE MY HAND.
OOH !
OOH ! I'M SORRY.
UM, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
CAREFUL.
GET AWAY, SPOT.
HE'S NOT BOTHERING ME.
I LIKE DOGS.
COME HERE, SPOT.
COME ON.
IT'S PRETTY COMFORTABLE,
ISN'T IT ?
IT'S FINE.
THEY GOT EVERYTHING
FROM SEARS AND ROEBUCK.
I APPRECIATE WHAT YOU SAID
TO THEM ABOUT ME.
THANK YOU,
MISS WILDHACK.
MONTANA.
MONTANA.
YOU DON'T MEET
MANY GENTLEMEN...
IN THE ENTERTAINMENT
BUSINESS.
I'M AN OPTOMETRIST.
OH.
WOULD YOU LIKE
TO KISS ME ?
YES.
YOU KISS NICELY.
THANK YOU.
OH ! DID I HURT YOU ?
OH, NO !
OH !
[ Spokesman ]
MR. PILGRIM ?
MISS WILDHACK ?
ARE YOU MATING NOW ?
BILLY !
BILLY, LOOK AT THIS !
LOOK AT THIS !
PERFECT. THERE'S
NOT A CHIP ON IT.
IT'S EXACTLY LIKE THE ONE
WE HAD AT HOME.
THE ONE YOUR SON JOHNNY BROKE ?
YEAH ! HOW'D YOU
KNOW ABOUT THAT ?
THE LETTER YOU WROTE HOME.
OF COURSE. IT'S
A MIRACLE, ISN'T IT ?
THIS LITTLE DANCER SURVIVED
ALL THIS DESTRUCTION.
WAIT'LL I BRING IT HOME.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW
MEG'S EYES WILL LIGHT UP ?
[ Guard ]
ARBEIT !
SHE'LL LOVE IT.
[ Man ]
DIENER ?
WAS HABEN SIE DA ?
OH, UH, LOOK AT THIS.
I FOUND THIS DOWN THERE.
THERE'S NOT A CHIP ON IT.
IT'S PRETTY, ISN'T IT ?
WE HAD ONE LIKE IT.
USED TO SIT-- OH !
[ Speaking German ]
[ Derby ]
WHAT'S THE MATTER ?
[ Speaking German ]
[ Conversing In German ]
[ Officer ]
FEUER !
[ Gunshots ]
[ Billy ]
STOP ! STOP !
BILLY. BILLY ?
BILLY ?
WHERE WERE YOU, HONEY ?
BILLY ? DO YOU LIKE THIS ?
- IT'S NICE.
- IT'S, UH, NOT TOO TIGHT ?
[ Chuckles ]
A LITTLE, MAYBE.
I'M SO BIG HERE.
I LIKE IT.
THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A MAN.
- I'M GONNA
HAVE TO LET IT OUT.
- I REALLY THINK--
GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO.
[ Spot Growls ]
OH. YOU LIKE IT TOO,
SPOT. HUH ?
HE ALWAYS GROWLED
AT MY WIFE.
DO YOU MISS HER ?
SHE DIED. SOMEBODY SMACKED
INTO THE REAR OF HER CAR...
AND THE EXHAUST FELL OFF.
SHE DIED OF CARBON MONOXIDE
POISONING.
OH. LIKE WHAT
THEY HAVE OUT THERE ?
NO. THAT'S CYANIDE.
THAT'S WORSE.
OH, WOW.
WHAT DID YOU LOVE MOST
ABOUT HER ?
HER PANCAKES.
IF WE HAD A REAL STOVE,
BILLY,
I'D MAKE YOU AN OUT-OF-SIGHT
MACROBIOTIC SOUFFLE.
[ Chuckles ]
I'D LIKE THAT.
AND THEN...
WE COULD THINK
ABOUT HAVING YOUR BABY.
COULD WE HAVE
THE NIGHT CANOPY, PLEASE ?
[ Sighs ]
OH, DADDY !
THERE IS NO SUCH PLANET
AS TRILAFLAMADUKE !
DAD, I THINK WHAT
BARBARA AND I WOULD
REALLY LIKE TO KNOW--
WOULD YOU BE WILLING
TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST ?
LISTEN, I HAVE A FRIEND
WHO'S NOT ONLY A DOCTOR,
BUT HE'S INTERESTED
IN OUTER SPACE.
WHY DON'T THE THREE OF US
HAVE LUNCH TOGETHER TODAY ?
I'M NOT GOING TO COMMIT
MYSELF TO AN INSTITUTION.
DAD, I WASN'T--
IF IT WEREN'T FOR TRALFAMADORE,
I MIGHT HAVE NEEDED
AN INSTITUTION.
I DON'T NEED A DOCTOR, STANLEY.
ON TRALFAMADORE YOU LEARN
THAT THE WORLD...
IS JUST A COLLECTION OF
MOMENTS ALL STRUNG TOGETHER
IN BEAUTIFUL, RANDOM ORDER.
AND IF WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE,
IT'S UP TO US TO CONCENTRATE
ON THE GOOD MOMENTS...
AND IGNORE THE BAD.
BESIDES, I'M IN LOVE UP THERE.
YOU KNOW, DAD, I'D REALLY LIKE
TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU TODAY.
I'LL BE VERY BUSY.
MONTANA'S PREGNANT.
WHAT'S HER NAME ?
MONTANA WILDHACK.
THAT'S THE HOLLYWOOD STARLET
WHO DISAPPEARED, ISN'T IT ?
OH, MY GOD.
DAD ! HEY, W-WAIT
A MINUTE, DAD.
DAD, LISTEN.
I-IF YOU GO BACK AND FORTH
IN TIME, DO YOU GO
INTO THE FUTURE TOO ?
- MM-HMM. FREQUENTLY.
- WELL--
I MEAN, H-HOW FAR
DO YOU GO ?
- DO YOU ACTUALLY GO--
- ALL THE WAY TO MY DEATH.
I'VE SEEN IT MANY TIMES.
I DIED IN PHILADELPHIA,
WHERE I WAS GIVING A SPEECH
ON THE SUBJECT OF TRALFAMADORE.
YOU SEE, IN TRALFAMADORE,
WHERE I PRESENTLY DWELL,
LIFE HAS NO BEGINNING,
NO MIDDLE AND NO END.
FOR EXAMPLE,
MANY YEARS AGO...
A CERTAIN MAN PROMISED
TO HAVE ME KILLED.
HE'S AN OLD MAN NOW,
LIVING NOT FAR FROM HERE.
HE'S READ ALL OF THE PUBLICITY
ASSOCIATED WITH MY APPEARANCE.
HE'S INSANE, AND TONIGHT
HE'LL KEEP HIS PROMISE.
[ Audience Murmuring,
Protesting ]
[ Murmuring Subsides ]
IF YOU PROTEST,
IF YOU THINK THAT DEATH
IS A TERRIBLE THING,
THEN YOU HAVE NOT UNDERSTOOD
WHAT I HAVE SAID.
YOU SEE, IT'S TIME
FOR YOU TO GO HOME...
TO YOUR WIVES AND CHILDREN.
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO BE DEAD
FOR A LITTLE WHILE...
AND THEN LIVE AGAIN.
[ Murmuring ]
I GIVE YOU
THE TRALFAMADORIAN GREETING:
"HELLO. FAREWELL.
"HELLO.
"FAREWELL.
"ETERNALLY CONNECTED,
"ETERNALLY EMBRACING.
"HELLO.
- FAREWELL."
- [ Audience Screaming ]
NOBODY FUCKS AROUND
WITH PAUL LAZZARO !
DO YOU HEAR ME,
PILGRIM ?
PILGRIM ?
PILGRIM ?
HEY, PILGRIM !
YOU HEAR ME ?
PILGRIM, GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE
AND GIVE ME A HAND !
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO WITH THAT ?
I'M GONNA MAKE A FORTUNE !
ARE YOU KIDDING ?
[ Grunts ]
HAVEN'T YOU GOT
ENOUGH STUFF ?
WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT ?
WE AIN'T GONNA GET CAUGHT.
THE KRAUTS HAVE ALL LEFT.
IF WE DON'T STEAL IT,
THE RUSSIANS WILL.
[ Machine Guns Firing ]
LET'S GET THE FUCK
OUTTA HERE !
WAIT !
WAIT ! WAIT !
WAIT ! WAIT !
[ Pistols Firing,
Shouting In Russian Language ]
I SURRENDER !
I SURRENDER !
I SURRENDER !
[ Shouting In Russian ]
I SURRENDER !
[ Shouting In Russian ]
I DON'T KNOW.
[ Machine Guns Firing ]
[ Montana ]
BILLY ? BILLY ?
WE JUST HAD A BABY !
[ Baby Crying ]
BILLY. WE'VE JUST HAD
A BABY BOY !
LOOK AT HIM !
[ Cooing ]
ISN'T HE BEAUTIFUL ?
AHH. YES.
ISN'T HE INCREDIBLY
BEAUTIFUL ?
HE'S PERFECT.
EVERY BIT OF HIM.
[ Laughs ]
WHAT SHALL WE CALL HIM ?
BILLY, OF COURSE.
ANYWAY, EVEN IF HE DOESN'T
LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE YOU,
HE'S GOT YOUR NAME.
HELLO.
[ Cooing ]
ARE YOU HUNGRY ?
I THINK HE'S HUNGRY NOW.
MM-HMM.
YOU HUNGRY ? HUH ?
HERE. THERE IT IS.
TAKE IT, TAKE IT.
OUCH !
OH. AH.
[ Sighs ]
[ Spectators Cheering ]