Voila! Finally, the Soul Plane
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Snoop
Dogg and D.L. Hughley. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of Soul Plane. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
INGLEWOOD,
CALIFORNIA, 1979
I always loved airplanes, man.Not just toys,
but real ones, too.We lived
right next to the airport.I remember my mom
would put my stroller outsidewhile she hung clothes
on the line.My mom always told me
that someday,it would be me gettin' on
one of those planesgoin' someplace better.But I guess it didn't exactly
work out that way.Final boarding announcementfor Worldwide Airlines
Flight .
I'm sorry, sir.
Your dog is too big
to be on the plane.
You'll have to check him.
Wait. No. I usually
just put him in my bag.
He's not that big.
Those are the rules.
You'll have to check your dog.
Or consider taking
another airline.
Come on, man.
- Can I just please--
- Russ.
I can't just...
Come on, Dre.
- Come on.
- Don't worry, sir.
- We'll take good care of him.
- Please do.
That's my little boy right there.
See you when I get off.
- Excuse me. Thank you.
- Enjoy your flight.
Our in-flight movie will be
Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood,starring Sandra Bullock
and Ashley Judd.
Nice.
That's the sound of my gat
This is heat.
This album is fire.
Chicken or beef stroganoff?
Chicken, I'll have the chicken.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
- It smells good, though.
- Chicken or beef stroganoff?
I'm gonna have the chicken.
I like the way that smelled.
That was our last chicken.
I'm afraid
I just have stroganoff.
So why would you ask me
what I wanted?
What's in that?
Stroganoff.
That beef strogie.
That wasn't half bad.
It was good.
Almost got a little spit on you.
- Yes, you did.
- I'm sorry.
Are you all right, sir?
Where the bathroom?
- Straight down.
- Where?
Fire in the hole.
Excuse me.
So sorry.
Come on! Hurry.
Get in there!
Damn! Oh, shit!
So loose.
I got it. That's it.
No, it's not.
This is the captain speaking.
We hit some turbulence.We ask that you
return to your seats.We've turned on
the "fasten seatbelt" sign.
I didn't know
it was gonna be like that.
I can't get out!
My ass is stuck!
Come on. God, please,
I'm a Christian.
My ass is touchin' the shit.
I don't wanna die like this!
Stewardess!
There's a guy locked in
the bathroom stuck on the toilet.
Press the main release discharge valve--
that should get him loose.
Oh, shit.
What the fuck?!
Dre! No!
Murderers!
You killed my dog, man.
Y'all gonna pay for this!
If I have to go on
every talk show in America,
y'all gonna pay!
Oprah, Ricki Lake,
Dr, Phil bitch!
th and Park.
Showtime At The Apollo.
I swear,
they're gonna pay for this.
You don't treat people
like this.
And that's what happened.
What exactly
is your occupation, Nashawn?
- I'm an entrepreneur.
- I see.
So I guess it's fair to say
you don't have a job.
No, I do--
Tell us about
some of your businesses.
Any of 'em
ever make any money?
- No.
- Exactly.
So it would be correct to say
that you're nothin' more
than a deadbeat
lookin' for a quick dollar. Right?
No further questions.
Wait! That's not fair.
Order!
Your Honor,
can I say something, please?
Be brief.
I watched my mom
struggle to raise me
on next to nothin',
workin' for guys like you.
And I always knew that
I had to make my own way,
no matter what.
I might not have
some fancy education
or a Fortune
business, but...
...I'm tryin'.
My mom always told me
that you can't be successful
until you try.
That's all I'm doin'.
Thank you, Your Honor.
Will the foreman
please read the verdict?
Case number .
Nashawn Wade
vs. Worldwide Airlines,
we find for the plaintiff
and award him damages
in the amount of $ million.
Order! Order!
Yo, cousin!
We did it, man!
We did it! Yes!
What do you mean, "we"?
I didn't see your ass get stuck
in no airplane toilet.
Whatever, I say we blow the first
mil on Rio, next mil, Bangkok.
I hear they can do this thing--
Muggs, you're my cousin.
I'm not gonna forget about you,
or the way you looked out for me
when we was growin' up.
I'm not gonna let you convince me
I'm fuckin' this money away.
You still on that
strip club/daycare center thing?
Shit was genius. Come on.
It was genius, Muggsy?
To who?
We lost all our damn money
in a week.
We gonna do it straight
this time, all right?
I wanna do something
I can be proud of.
Whatever it is, I'm in.
There he is, Mr. Wade?
How does it feel to be
the recipient of such a large reward
by the court?
I mean, it feels good, ya know?
Justice has been served.
But I tell you what,
I'd trade all that money in
to get back my dog Dre.
Nashawn, how's the ass?
The ass is fine,
It is sittin' on $ million,
Mr, Wade, can you tell us
what you intend to do
with all that money?
I'm gonna start my own airline.
No further questions.
Muggs, take care of that, please.
What is this--
BET's "How I'm Living"?
I'd like to give a shout-out
to all five of my babies' mamas.
High five, Laquifa.
I'm comin', girl.
Yes, Lord!
Everybody. $ million!
Relax. Thank you.
Wait a minute.
You the only sister.
You can't say nothin'?
What in the hell
is taking her so long?
Relax, honey. She has arthritis.
She's, like, years old.
I know. It's great.
Ready? Go.
Mr. Hunkee?
- Yes.
- I've got good news and bad news.
The bad news is that your flight
to JFK has been canceled.
Oh, for the love of--
But the good news is
we've been able to find
another airline that can
accommodate you this evening.
Would you be interested
in another airline?
- Even Dad thinks you're cute.
- Get off me!
- You're such a whore.
- What did you say?
Did I stutter?
There you are.
Four tickets for flight
on NWA.
What you're going to want to do
is go to Gate One--
that's Terminal X--and we'll send
your luggage on down for you.
- Thank you for your help.
- You're quite welcome.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
Hey, sweetie.
Don't get it greasy.
It's very expensive.
I know, I bought it.
Now, a gentleman always
carries a lady's bags.
- So why are you carrying hers?
- Be kind, son.
If I play my cards right,
she'll be your future mother figure.
That's scary.
Ooh, hey, sweetie.
Wait a minute.
Don't look back
and not say anything.
Excuse me.
You got to move, lady.
Baby, come here.
Gimme a second.
Girl, you must not know
who I am.
Nashawn Wade, baby.
I own NWA. The boss.
Where the hell is Terminal X?
Relax, honey. Didn't we just have
a great vacation in Crackerland?
No, we didn't--
give me that stupid hat. Leave it!
You know what would've
been great? Going to Hawaii alone.
Listen, you know the deal.
I only get to see my kids
every other weekend.
Billy, where's your sister?
She's that way.
Great.
Heather, you can't just
walk away from the family.
If you want to go somewhere,
you gotta ask permission first.
Dad, I'm years old.
Sorry.
She's . You are .
Fine. For a couple more hours.
I am and then I'll be .
Then I can party and have sex.
- Sex?! No, no.
- Yeah, sex.
Missionary, doggie-style,
rockin' the baby,
gettin' tea-bagged,
playin' the trombone
while I'm tossin' his salad,
hand jobs, ear jobs,
blow jobs.
Gettin' a pearl necklace,
ridin' the bologna pony...
- sucking--
- That's enough!
- Did she say bologna?
- I don't know.
...whenever I want, and best of all,
I won't have to listen to you.
Can you believe that?
What came after
getting tea-bagged?
Something about the trombone.
Okay, everybody,
congratulations!
You guys have been punk'd!
There's cameras everywhere,
right, son?
We'll be back in five minutes
with the release forms.
Let's go.
Oh, shit! Awesome!
- Terminal Malcolm X?
- Yeah.
Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles.
Usually you gotta go to two places,
- but there you get the one--
- This is a terminal?
It's great, cents. Everything.
Oh, check out the car.
This place has every--
there's a basketball court.
In your face!
Get your short ass on,
you leprechaun.
Look like my ex--
short and stupid.
Everything's short.
I don't know about all that,
but if Denzel walked his fine
sexy ass in here right now,
I'm takin' the rest of the day off
and gettin' straight down
with the get down.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Girl, let me tell you,
Denzel is nice,
but I like the young thugs.
I love me some Cent, baby.
Ooh, Shaniece. Go, Shaniece!
It's your birthday.
We gonna party
like it's your birthday.
Sip Bacardi
like it's my birthday.
And you know we don't
give a fuck it's not my birthday!
Look at this little nigga here.
Look more like five cent.
Nigga, can't you read?
The sign says put
all metal objects in the container.
Take your ass off.
Get on back there!
Get your ass back there.
Cheap ass.
Shit goin' off 'cause that shit cheap.
That's why it's goin' off.
My flow, my show
bought me the dough
that bought me
all my fancy things.
My cribs, my cars,
my pools, my jewels.
Nigga, I done came up
and I ain't changed.
Hold it!
You keep fuckin' up
on my rhymes.
Move it along, nickel.
You wanna say somethin'?!
I ain't slapped a bitch
in two weeks.
Yeah, I got a whole lot
of strength
in the slap-a-bitch arm.
They had a whole bunch of dirty
magazines--bathing suit issues.
Damn! So you like that, huh?
You gonna love this.
Hold those for me, I won't be
needing those on this flight.
Girl, what you got me--
The sweet smell of Alizé.
- Hunkee? Elvis Hunkee?
- Yeah.
Karl Malone? I used to play
basketball with you in high school.
That's right. We used to call you
"The Paperboy."
Yeah, that was then.
I'm "The Mailman" now.
That's good.
My dad's a mailman, too.
Government jobs pay very well.
You don't understand,
I play for the Lakers now.
Right, Karl. I don't think
you understand.
I used to play with you, man.
You can't shoot, remember?
That's why we never
passed you the ball.
I thought it was because
I was the only brother.
No, Karl. It's 'cause you sucked!
Oh, I sucked?
What are you gonna do--
go all "postal" on me, Mr. Mailman?
My man, what's goin' on, baby?
Ah, that's nice.
That's real nice.
I'd like to be them jeans.
Make no sense.
Excuse me.
How you doin', man?
Can I get through here,
sweetie?
What's goin' on, fellas?
My man.
When the buzzer pop, nigga,
you stop!
Do y'all know who I am?
We don't give a damn
about who you are.
Let your little ass
take one more step...
...we'll bury your ass in them fake-ass
iguana shoes you're wearin'.
Ladies, it's me. It's Nashawn Wade,
owner of this airline.
Come on, remember.
I hired y'all.
- It's him.
- There ya go.
That's a little more like it.
Thought you had amnesia.
Yes, it is him!
You that little nigga got his ass
caught in a toilet seat.
All right, little player, go on, take
your little cute rich ass on through.
Go ahead, little player.
Bet that ass still tight,
ain't it?
Shit, bitch. I hope we don't lose
our benefits over this.
We sorry, Mr. Wade!
My tooth is hurtin'.
And it's fuckin'
with your breath, girl.
Upsettin' all my insides here.
Don't you say shit else
for a year.
You done melted the whole side--
That's what you get
for fuckin' us up.
I'll tell ya, I knew I shoulda got
the new Aerostar.
Check out the safety rating.
I'm a little nervous.
I heard someone say
this is the first flight for this airline.
It has five cup holders.
Honey, the FAA, they're very strict
about who they let fly an airline.
It's gonna be okay, believe me.
Yeah, I know, but I think we're
the only white people on the plane.
Girlfriend, like your bag.
Honey, no, we're not.
You ain't gonna pick me up?!
Maybe it's a coincidence,
you know, like a family reunion?
Million Man March?
Hey, what are you...
Hey, stop that!
Yeah, what up, son?
Yeah, yeah.
You know I'm like that.
I'm like that.
Damn. What up?
Here's your card, Dad.
I think I melted the sucka.
Put everything on it
but an Escalade.
I'm a holler at the shorty
I saw at the basketball courts.
One love, dawg.
Where's my son?
- How you doin'?
- I'm good.
You doin' good?
You feel wonderful.
- Yeah. All right.
- Hey. whoa! That's my zipper!
And that's too loud
for a zipper.
I don't know
what you got in there,
but we gonna find out.
- I got a plane to catch.
- Come with me.
Did you hear me, boy?!
I bet you ain't never seen
a chocolate super-deluxe woman
like me before.
Have you?
No, I got a plane to catch.
I gotta go!
Where do you think
you're goin', player?
I'm gonna get on--
We feds now,
which means I can violate
every last one
of your civil rights.
Now drop them drawers...
Denzel.
Denzel? Look, lady.
I just want--
Drop them drawers!
Show me that ass, nigga!
Now turn around.
Cavity check!
Girl, there was duct tape
and peanut butter everywhere.
I told him, I don't care
if you are a diplomat.
I don't bend into that position.
Girl, I ain't no circus freak.
This ain't Cirque du Soleil.
He's a fool.
Mi vida,
you did the right thing.
Mi primo tried that once.
The doctors still can't find
his left nut.
They say it's up there
somewhere.
Give me his address.
I'll find it.
Hey, Muggsy!
Flame, not now.
Where's the pilots
you hired, man?
- Come on, dawg--
- It's not come on now.
We're supposed to take off
in minutes.
Calm down, Little Bow-Wow.
He'll be here, all right?
- There he go right there.
- Who, him?
- Yeah, him.
- Right there?
- Right there.
- Him?
- Him right there?
- Yeah, him right there.
I told you to hire
a black pilot,
not no black baggage handler.
What is that?
I did what
you asked me to, okay?
There ain't but two
black pilots around,
and one of 'em flyin' for Puffy.
How'd Puffy get that one?
- Don't worry.
- You're right, I'm just nervous.
I got his resumé right there.
My dawg, what's up, baby?
What's goin' on, Muggs?
How you been?
What's up, man?
- How are you, man?
- Ain't nothin' to it but do it.
Nashawn, Captain Mack.
Captain Mack, Nashawn.
My pleasure, brother.
Hey. You're late, man.
Don't worry about me bein' late.
I'm gonna take this hooptie of yours
up another feet,
catch me a slipstream, and we
gonna be there five minutes early.
Real slick like hair grease,
but with less mess.
- Can you dig it?
- Hell, yeah, I can dig it.
You really gonna do that?
No, I'm just fuckin' with ya.
Y'all two know each other?
He was fuckin' with me.
Muggs, I'm really
not playin' right now.
I'm not, Muggs.
I was lookin' at
your resumé, man.
I see that you flew
in Desert Storm.
- That's pretty impressive.
- Actually, that's a typo.
I drew over in Desert Storm.
I'm sorry. I didn't..
what you say?
I was the nigga that drew
the little sayings on the bombs:
"Fuck Iraq." "Saddam, eat a dick."
That was me.
Secret agent.
Matter of fact, I ain't even
'posed to be talkin' about that.
That's classified.
What the fuck?! Do you even
know how to fly a plane, man?
I got my wings when I got out.
Got your wings
when you got out?
You right. Plus I ain't really got
another choice right now.
Where's your uniform?
You lookin' at it.
The Mackin' is crackin'.
This is how I come.
I don't wear no square suits.
I'm a player.
We ride spinners.
Ride spinners
and you write on bombs.
That's classified.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Get us there safe.
Can you do that?
You somethin' else, Muggs.
Drew on bombs.
- Excuse me, man,
- Yes, sir.
That's about a bitch.
- Where the cockpit at?
- You got that bong?
Whole bag of it, Preach.
- I gotta go.
- Do I pay you to talk on the phone?
Look at the captain.
He is too cute.
Hi, Captain.
- At ease, ladies.
- Hi, fly boy.
I just love the look
of a man in uniform.
'Course, I like the look of a man
out of uniform even better.
This is some cool shit
fit for a real nigga.
Hey, what's poppin',
my aeronautical hustlers?
Captain Mack,
reporting to duty.
How you doin'. Captain?
I'm Riggs. your flight engineer.
Have you ever met Gaeman?
I just seen one of them
fruity motherfuckers in the hallway.
Nigga was eyeballin' me.
It's Gaeman, I am Leslie Gaeman,
your copilot.
What's happenin'?
It's a very prestigious
African name--
not like "gay man,"
two men fucking together, naked,
- in a bedroom. Not me.
- Whatever, homey.
I like pussy like you.
- I can dig it.
- Yeah, you can dig it.
Everybody will be pregnant
by the end of this flight.
Hello.
First class.
Right this way, big daddy.
Welcome to NWA.
Hi. How's everybody?
Good. Wow, this is great!
Oh, y'all are in low class.
- What?
- Low class, straight back.
This is nice, too.
Dad, this actually
isn't that bad.
What kind of UPN operation
is this?
It's not so bad.
All right, here we are.
Row Chrysler.
Honey, you sit here.
Thank you.
- Do I have to sit...
- How you doin'?
You're gonna have to, okay?
Thank you.
Let's please
put the divider down.
Do you have an "off" switch?
You need to lower the volume.
Man, you give a black man
some money,
this is how the airline's
gonna look--plush, laid.
It's makin' me feel sexy
already.
This is a sexy plane.
They got it chromed out
with the white leather.
I think this is alligator butt.
Yeah, this is nice.
Little treat for you
before the plane takes off, daddy,
'cause you treat me so right.
You nasty!
Can I help you, sir?
Everything's okay,
I'm just trying to find my seat,
Boy, this a nice plane.
Nice cushion they got
on these new planes.
This must be
one of them 's.
.
Where my seat? .
The president
should fly on this plane.
- Hello, sir.
- Hey, baby, how you doin'?
- I'm gonna show you to your seat.
- That's nice of you, cutie pie.
- Here we are.
- Let me shake your hand.
Come here. Oh, boy!
That's nice. Look at that.
Boy, I can just hear everything.
It's so beautiful in here.
Wait a minute.
Somebody got
some nice perfume on.
Is that
Victoria Don't Tell Nobody?
- No.
- Is that Boujeronee?
Not Boujeronee either.
I like the people
that don't talk back.
Hard to get, I like that.
Cabin attendant?
Yes, sir?
Howdy do.
Where are you, baby?
There you are.
Get me a quadruple cognac
and a cola back.
You know, I'm scared to fly.
I'm used to ridin' buses.
My little nephew
sent me on first class,
because I'm a player.
You smell good, too.
I'm gonna have me some fun
on this plane here.
Okey-dokey. So you're
gonna be in...
You're gonna go ahead
to low class, okay.
- He tasted like chocolate.
- No way.
My God, what's going on?
Get the fuck out!
What is he doing?
Watch him.
Y'all better get his ass!
You ain't goin' nowhere
without us, Osama.
If you gots to go
to the bathroom, we goin' with you.
She holdin'
and I'm shakin', player.
- That's right.
- It's cool, y'all. We got this.
We security up in here.
Look straight.
- Hi.
- Hey.
This first class is incredible.
Girl, this plane is off the hook.
Have you seen the owner?
He's young, black, and from
the pictures I've seen,
he looks so good.
I'm sure he's great.
- And he's paid.
- Please direct your attentionto the screen in front of you
for a safety video.
What is this?
Now that you got on our plane
and you be listenin'You better just do as we say
or you'll be missin'Better put your seatbelt on
or you'll be dyin'If the plane goes crazy,
then you will not be flyin'Now we direct you to
the nearest locationsWhere you might desire
to exit your vacationsIf we lose the pressure,
you'll be chokin'Or if there's a fire,
then you'll be smokin'The oxygen we will be providin'
This some black shit here.
You're a survivor
- Here we go.
- There we go.
You're a survivor,
you'll keep on flyin'You're a survivor,
you don't go down there
Honey, what is this?
You're a survivor,
you not be dyin'You're a survivor,
you'll keep on flyin'You're a survivor,
you don't go down thereYou're a survivor,
you got your fair shareYou're a survivorWhoo, you're a survivor
There's the owner right there.
Hello, everybody.
Welcome to NWA Airlines.Here at NWA, safety is
a very important part of flying,but let's be real.If something goes wrong,
we're all going down, right?
Is that supposed to be funny?
I'm just kiddin'--I'm playin'.That's why it's our policy
that fun comes first.So please, sit back, relax,
and enjoy your flight.You're a survivor.You are.
Come on, now, stop it.
You got a brother
feelin' like the president.
God bless America.
Giselle?
I gotta get outta here.
Giselle, wait.
Giselle, can you
wait a minute, please?
What, Nashawn?
What do we possibly
have to talk about?
Wow, I mean, you look great.
How you been?
I've been fine. Just fine.
Is that all?
Actually, no, I mean.
I was doin' some thinkin'.
and I wanna talk to you.
Can I at least talk to you?
Giselle, where you gonna go?
The door is closed.
What's this?
Someone stepped up,
Nashawn.
I'm engaged.
Hey, baby. It's not
a good time right now.
There's no easy way
for me...
for me to say this...
What?
This isn't workin' for me
anymore.
What's not workin'?
- This is gettin' way too serious.
- What are you talkin' about?
I can't do this anymore.
- I can't.
- No.
You got change of a man?
- Not right now, Muggs.
- Not now?
What's his problem, man?
Oh, boy.
Hey, hey, there, Blanca.
I was wondering if I could
trouble you for a drink.
Ain't no drink down there.
Hell there ain't.
I don't know if I ever
told you this,
but I speak a little Espańol.
Really?
Testicles, one, two.
Hey, y'all, what's crackalackin'?
This is your soul plane chauffeur,
Captain Antoine Mack speaking.
He sounds nice.
Welcome aboard NWA
flight from the
to the .
It's time
to bust this corner, y'all.
In a hot second,
I'll be hittin' them switches
and gettin' this bitch
pumpin' and jumpin'.
What?!
So screw your shit on tight
and enjoy the flight.
What did he say?
He was just saying that we'll be
leaving in a couple of seconds,
so put your seatbelt on,
make sure they're tight.
Amateurs.
- Why didn't he say so?
- Exactly.
Yo, Gaeman, why don't you
go secure the cockpit, homey?
Yes. Right away.
This motherfucker is locked.
Fred G. Sanford, my nigga.
And the "G" is for
goin' places. Can you dig it?
Now we ready to roll.
Nigga got switches
in this motherfucker.
Shit. And they work.
What?
This motherfucker hot, cuz.
- Oh, my God!
- Bounce with me.
This motherfucker's fucked up.
- Like a elephant.
- Yeah.
Bounce, bounce.
I have the perfect music
for this.
Yes, I have it right here.
Hey, man, hold on, man.
- Hold the fuck on.
- Like elephant.
No, man, you gotta
turn that bullshit off.
We can't be ridin'
to that bullshit, man.
Don't insult my music.
We ridin' to some gangsta shit.
Pop that in, man.
Captain don't wanna hear
that Zimbabwe ah-wah-wah shit.
Get that shit out.
Get it the fuck outta here.
I'm the captain
of this motherfuckin' ship.
Captain, what the hell
is wrong with you?
Man, I'm afraid of heights.
Afraid of heights?!
Hit her with a bat,
hit her with a bat
Hit her with a whoo-whoo
- Easy, Kobe. She's .
- Dad, I'm .
Honey, I'm gonna
excuse myself
- and go to the restroom.
- Okay.
I think I'm gonna go
check out the plane.
Is that all right?
- Why are you so nice to me?
- Stay for a while.
Oh, my sweet black Jesus!
Hey, good evenin'.
I didn't know
anybody was in here.
- I'll come back later.
- Why? I'm still gonna be here.
I tell you what.
You take care of your business,
I take care of mine.
I just don't feel comfortable,
I'll just hold it.
You don't want to do that.
That stuff back up on you,
top of your head fly clean off.
Sit down,
make yourself at home.
I'm sorry.
We don't get that many of y'all
on the plane.
For those with no junk
in their trunk.
That is a nice vest.
I ain't seen one of them
since Lionel and the Jeffersons.
What ever happened to Lionel?
I thought he was--
Would you mind?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Little fella kinda shy?
Goddamn!
Sorry.
I guess you can't have lightnin'
without the thunder.
Somebody still likes
that pork, I see.
I think this was a false alarm.
I'm gonna go back to my seat.
The paint is peeling.
That must be a big one.
Yeah, it's big.
I've got just the thing.
I can't believe that
this is you.
So you subscribe to
"Black & Proud"?
This is the first time
I've picked it up.
Yeah, it was freezin'
that day.
Really? You could never tell that
from the picture.
Why, thank you.
Usually, the problem is, I'm hangin'
out the bottom of my boxers.
Oh, my goodness.
Hi.
I think you're in my seat.
Oh, hi, honey.
This is Jerome.
Hi.
Hello.
Jerome was telling me about how he
hangs out the bottom of his boxers.
That's nice.
They're about to serve dinner,
so you might want
to go back to your chair.
Oh, yeah. You're right.
Yeah.
It was nice meetin' you.
It was nice meeting you, too, Barbara.
Nice meeting you, too, Jerome.
Bye.
Hangin' out
the bottom of his boxers--
My God, is that him?!
- That thing has a face on it,
- No, but it's gonna.
Are you all right, sir?
Course, I'm all right,
I'm a G, ain't I?
I will make the announcement.
No, you won't.
Give me this motherfucker.
I'm makin' the announcement.
I'm the captain.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
reached our cruising altitude
of feet,
feet?!
Oh, shit, man. We fuckin' higher
than Redman at the Source awards.
Shit don't make
no motherfuckin' senseto be this high, cuz.
Man, I feel sick. Oh, fuck.
Ain't this some shit?
What the hell's goin' on here?
This nigga's afraid of heights.
How you gonna be afraid
of heights if you the captain?
I ain't never
been off the ground before.
We've flown computer
simulators.
You told me you got your wings
when you got out the Air Force.
No, I didn't.
I told you I got my wings
when I got out.
When I got out of Pelican Bay
State Corrections Facility.
It was either get a GED
or take a pilot class.
You learned how to fly
in the prison?
Hey, man, don't get mad
'cause I spent your money
to get a good education.
Shit, me and my homeboys
passed the class with flying colors.
Let me see.
- I miss them niggas, man.
- Those are his niggas.
The Taliban.
I'm gonna tell you what.
Y'all better fix it.
Gay-man, Captain Mack--
It's Gaeman!
I don't give a damn.
Fix it.
I'm no bitch, you understand?
It's Gaeman.
You gonna be a gay man.
Fix it.
Put this shit on autopilot.
I'm goin' to the lavatory.
I got to boo-boo.
- What ya doin'?
- I'm countin' my tips.
- Tips from where?
- Back there,
...low class motherfucker.
Hey, nigga! Oh, boss man.
Hey, man, you mind
if I get in here?
Come on.
Hold on. Got a new shooter.
- One shot, baby, you in?
- No.
Nigga, is ya in? What?
- You said I could run business class, right?
- Yeah, I did.
So I'm runnin' this motherfucker
like Vegas on fight night.
We got a cockfight
we settin' up in ten minutes.
Cockfight?! I'm in.
No. Let me tell you over here.
I don't even want
everybody in my business.
Hold me down.
- What's up, cuz?
- You know what?
I'm not even gonna make
a scene in here.
I'm goin' back
to the front of the plane.
When I get back here,
I want this to be business class.
- Okay. You got it, man.
- You can do that for me?
My man. Thank you, Muggs.
Would you like
champagne or wine?
We'll have champagne.
Would you like Moet or Cristal?
Motit...et. Moet.
All right.
I know you have a drinking problem,
so please drink slow.
That's for you. And sir,
please don't swallow your ice.
That's all I can afford
to give you.
Hello. Would you like Colt .
or Alizé?
Maybe you could explain to us
what those are.
My pleasure, sir.
Colt . tastes like
liquored-up beer,
and it sneaks up on you
all of a sudden.
And Alizé--oh, that's my favorite.
It's from France.
It's a cog-nac, it's very fruity,
and it'll make you wanna do
the hucklebuck,
then pass out
in your own juices.
Guess I'll have that.
Wise choice.
Yo, player, you got a little
somethin'-somethin' for me?
Yeah, I have a shorty .
No, no. Do you have
any whole milk?
Sir, that is nasty.
I do have a Puerto Rican lady who's
lactatin', I'll see what I can do.
Tonight, we're serving a plate
of gourmet soul food
with your choice of lobster
and filet mignon
or crisp duck confit,
I'll have the filet,
And for you, sir?
I ordered a special
Kosher meal... yag-weh.
Excuse me?
That's fried chicken
in hot sauce.
Lobster, filet mignon or duck?
I'll take the fee-lan.
All right, I need you to take
a breast or a leg and a wing
and pass it back. Exactly.
You guys, share your napkins
with your neighbor.
One for every two people.
Sharing is caring.
Don't get greedy. One piece.
Hi. Would you like
some dessert?
Boss man, low class
is outta liquor,
so I thought I would
come in here and...
Someone is strollin' down
memory lane.
No, I'm just, you know,
checkin' on things,
makin' sure they okay,
that's all.
Yeah, right. I know that look.
I had that same look of regret
after I ran into Lee--
my little Asian butterfly.
We had a whirlwind romance
that ended in heartbreak...
and stomach pumpin'.
When I saw him again,
I tried to apologize, but I couldn't.
I just felt so bad leaving him
in that hospital
all bloated and distended.
Did you just grind on me?
A little.
What does that sick-ass story
have to do with me?
I've never left nobody
in the hospital filled with nothin'.
It means, Mr. Righteous,
that if you have a chance
to make things right again,
you should take it.
Who knows
what could've happened?
Lee had plenty ancient secret
to show me.
Thank you. Flame.
Okay?
You're welcome.
Now, how much Colt .
to Sierra Mist do you mix
to get bubbly?
Probably half and half.
You mind if I sit down?
It's your plane.
It really doesn't have
to be like this.
How is it supposed to be?
So who's this guy?
Let's just let it go, okay?
I just came over here
to talk to you.
You just disappeared.
I didn't even hear from you.
Giselle, you were miles away.
I tried to get in touch with you.
Let's just let it go.
I don't know what smells better--
this meal or your delightful perfume.
Thank you. You're too kind.
You know, a lot of smart women
find blind men sexy.
- You know why?
- No.
But I'm sure
you're about to tell me.
When you lose one sense,
it makes your other senses stronger,
I have more of a sensitive touch
than the average man,
Please!
Let me tell you about
this love I had,
She was on the trampoline,
landed right in my lap.
Bang! She stayed there
for years.
People crazy about me.
People love me.
- You don't say.
- Don't say?
I do say it.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
People love me.
See these fingers here?
These fingers got eyes on 'em
just like / vision.
You know what I mean?
They... wait a minute.
Move that other leg
out the way.
Move that dress up, girl.
Oh, boy, moist.
You just as tender as you can be.
You a little frisky thing.
You got a little puddle here.
Oh, you big, too.
You ain't no baby.
This is wonderful.
I love freaky stuff like this.
Just let yourself go.
I'm gonna let myself go, too.
I'm feelin' something, too.
This ain't like me.
I don't usually go this quick.
I'm goin' now.
Let me tell you.
Where my yack?
I'm a player... player!
- Hey, now.
- Oh, excuse me,
No, it's cool,
I'm the attendant,
You can sit this one out,
my brother.
I'm just gonna wash my hands.
Got me a wild woman
sittin' next to me
and look what I got.
Bang! Stinky pinky.
Stinky pinky, here you go.
Hey, brother. I ain't washin'
that one, I'm washin' this one.
She usin' cilantro.
I love that freaky shit.
The only way you got
stinky pinky
is if you was sittin' next to
Miss Potato Head.
There's always some dude
who's a player hater
'cause he ain't gettin' none.
Just 'cause you blind don't mean
I won't whip your ass.
Lookin' like a disco lemon.
Son of a bitch!
All right, you suit-and-tie-wearin'
motherfuckers.
A little green
gets you in between.
The more dough,
the more they show.
Now, a true player
is a payer, am I right?
That's what's up.
We don't park collars
at NWA--we park dollars.
You heard me?
If you can afford business class,
you can afford some business ass.
Hey, Muggs, what's goin' on?
- Where?
- Here.
- Here. What is this?
- It's all good up in here, baby.
We got Asian persuasion,
butter pecan freakin',
chocolate deluxe.
I got it all
in my little shopping mall.
What is it you're not gettin'?
First gamblin', now this?
It's illegal, man.
You with the FAA, nigga?
- No. What are you talkin' about?
- Ain't no rules in the air.
Listen to me.
That's not the point, man.
It's a family airline.
You got ladies up in here?
I sure do!
Listen to me.
We not in the 'hood no more.
Hey, Nashawn.
Hey! What's this about?
The girls just wanted
to show their appreciation
for everything you've done.
If you stick around for a minute.
I'm sure it'd make the ladies
very, very happy.
Start with this.
Just like that?
You're so sexy.
Whoa! Slow down!
Back up.
Oh, my God!
Hey, move, devil.
Get it together
and get it fast.
You got to get off the pole.
Hey, baby, watch your step.
Hey.
I guess there are some things
you can commit to.
You talkin' 'bout this?
I'm just doin' my job,
that's all.
Yeah, it looks like
you're a workaholic.
And here I was thinkin' I was
too hard on you before.
Guess you're the man now.
Wait, Giselle.
What the fuck am I doin'?!
You ready for this?
- Yeah.
- You ready?
Oh, yeah, daddy.
- You sure?
- Wait.
Don't fight the feelin', baby.
What the hell is you doin'
in here?
That's the problem with
you young cats. You talk too much.
- A woman like that...
- You do talk a lot.
...wants a man of action.
I was wonderin' if you can
help my friend Ben here.
He needs you to take him
back to his seat.
Yeah, Ben, I believe I know
where this cat is sittin'.
Dig this here.
You don't need a lot of space.
Superman changed
in a phone booth.
Hey, don't be...
man, don't be touchin'...
Tidy Bowl man.
We gonna need this right here.
- Ready for this?
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, what the hell is this?
I seen this on an episode
of "Real Sex".
- You sure about this?
- Trust me.
All you gotta do
is have a safety word.
You got one?
Yeah, when I say.
"Get off me, you crazy bitch",
you stop chokin' me.
Ow! Shit!
Actually, I wish you'd stop
smackin' me.
You like it.
- It's tight.
- It's supposed to be tight.
That's why you buy me
the good shit.
The belt is too damn tight!
Stop your bitch-ass complainin'
and give me what you promised.
I can't feel my toes!
I can't feel your dick,
but I ain't complainin'.
D.J., please, don't stop.
Five more seconds.
Cheese, eggs, grits, chilies,
yams, sunflower seeds.
No. No!
No?
Man, this is not the way
it happened on "Real Sex".
This is some real bullshit.
It was probably the turbulence
and all the excituration
of the moment, 'cause I used--
You see that, David.
Did you see that, David?
Why you always got to go--
I need to spank you
with the bad...
I'm gonna punish him.
This motherfuckin' autopilot shit
is cool as hell, man.
Just kick back
and ride and glide.
Relax, motherfucker.
I should be captain of this plane.
Ten years with Chuku Airlines.
Chuku Airlines, where we treat you
with a lot of respect.
This motherfucker.
Now I'm here with this nigga.
Nigga, shut the fuck up with that
African mumbo-jumbo bullshit.
I hear you over there
with that Chuku Airlines shit.
You with NWA Airlines,
I'm the captain.
- I don't care.
- Real niggas drive real shit.
I should kill you.
We have a birthday girl,
Captain.
This is Heather Hunkee.
She wanted to see
our cockpit.
How old are you, Heather?
I just turned .
Is that right? Oh, boy.
Attention, all players.
The upper deck will be open
for your enjoyment.
We have a passenger
who just turned years old.
Her name is Heather Hunkee.
She is one cute little hottie
with a whole lotta body.
Oh, yeah.
She'll be upstairs, so all players
come up and keep her company.
No!
Hey, Virgie, how are you?
Good to see you.
Yeah, I know. It's hot, right?
This is hot.
Let me take you to the bar.
Give me your jacket, girl.
Big Boy!
All my pimps, players,
and hustlers--
y'all ready to set this motherfucker
off, West Coast style?
As you see,
we up in the clouds.
Got a gang of lovely ladies
out there on the dance floor
ready to go ahead and shake
that ass and get they freak on.
To my fellas out there
who ain't got no game--
yeah, I'm talkin' to you.
Don't even trip on it,
'cause we ain't goin' nowhere.
We locked in this bitch for
four more hours till we touch down,
so you might as well go ahead
and get your swerve on.
- Marshall, good to see you.
- It's good to see you.
This is Heather.
She's turnin' today.
Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Captain Mack is buyin' her
her first drink.
What can I get for you?
Surprise me.
I got just what you need.
Girl, he is cute!
I know. He's a looker.
He'll hook you up.
Cool! All right, have a good time.
I gotta go back downstairs.
Keep an eye on her.
Oh, I will.
Not that kind of eye.
It's Big Boy.
What's goin' down, y'all?
We gonna keep
this motherfucker crackin'
until everybody in here
pass the fuck out.
Yeah, this is my joint
right here.
- Who'd you come here with?
- Don't worry about that.
- Please, Captain, I just--
- Hey, nigga!
What part of "you ain't flyin'
this motherfuckin' plane"
don't you understand?
Sit back and enjoy the ride,
Idi Amin.
What are you doing?
You fool!
Any motherfuckin' dry ass
mushrooms of yours
ain't gettin' me high
no motherfuckin' way.
You need to fuck with the white boys.
They shit potent.
White boys, American shit.
This is African mushrooms,
very dangerous.
They can kill you!
You ate of them!
These are topical, for the skin.
I crush them up,
and I put them...
... for my itching.
Motherfucker, you got crabs?!
This man got crabs. You ain't
sittin' in the pilot's seat for sure.
Ha ha, keep laughing.
It's not funny.
African crab is very aggressive.
They hunt us.
They can kill you.
That motherfucker
is crazy as fuck, man.
They dangerous,
and they kill you.
Fuck!
That Gaeman!
Excuse me.
Motherfucker,
did you just touch me?
Yeah, I wanna get up
in the club.
- You on the list?
- What list?
The goddamn guest list.
- Are you on it?
- I don't know.
You don't know?
What's your name?
Elvis Hunkee.
I wouldn't even have wrote
no shit down like that, homey.
Maybe it's under The King,
'cause my friends,
they call me "The King".
It's my nickname.
I ain't your friend,
and you ain't no king, motherfucker.
Right.
Move! I'm talkin' to you.
What's up? Go right in.
All right, put 'em up.
It's go time.
It's definitely go time,
motherfucker.
You about to get
the best damn ass-whippin'.
I hope the little bitch
you're lookin' for is worth dyin' for.
She is, 'cause that little bitch
is my daughter.
Your daughter?
Why didn't you say
that shit, man?
I got five daughters, man.
The little one, Trina,
every time I see her.
she just runs into my arms,
like, "Daddy. Daddy!"
We have little tea parties
and shit.
The little cups, and I put
the little hat on.
Little table, man.
It was so beautiful.
My heart would, like, explode.
Yeah, I need to go upstairs.
- I miss my babies.
- I miss mine, too. She's upstairs.
I never see them.
I'm always busy securin' shit.
- Honest living.
- I never see 'em, dawg.
Secure your shit.
Secure your shit.
Go get your girl, man.
Go get your little girl.
Take care of your family, man!
Who's on the list?
Yo, Captain. I got to go
drain the monster.
What the hell's taking
Gay-man so long?
I don't know, I ain't his mama.
Matter of fact,
why don't you page him
and tell him to bring
his bitch ass up here .
Attention, Gay-man.
Attention, Gay-man,
I have to go drain the monster.Return to the cockpit
immediately.
Man, I wouldn't answer
that shit if I was you, homey.
Shake it up real fast
then stop
Shake it up real fast
then drop
Shawty crunk on the floor
wide open
Skeet so much,
they call her Billy Ocean
Roll like a -wheeler
That... fine,
but this... killer
Leakin', she soakin' wet
- Muggsy, what are you doin'?
- Cut!
Who the hell said cut?
Yeah. Who the hell said cut?
The director says cut. Damn!
Look, Nashawn.
I already know, dawg.
Come here.
Is that the Ying Yang Twins?
Yeah.
Watch out.
Ying Yang Twins!
What's up, baby?
Don't drink gasoline.
We got a bar.
I had a gold tooth.
I shoulda kept it for this.
Why y'all stop rollin'?
'Cause you came in.
No, don't stop on account of me,
I'm the owner.
Nashawn Wade--that's me.
I'm the boss of this.
- Hey, roll camera!
- Who said roll camera?
I say roll camera.
- That's my job.
- That's his job.
Chris, I'm tellin' ya, we need
more sexy in this video.
Let's go, Tamika.
Get in there.
This cool?
- Yes, sir.
- Tamika, let's get in there.
Get on in there, girl.
Yo, Chris, I'm tellin' ya, man.
We need more ass in this video,
and it'd be off the hook.
Yo, Muggsy, who is this kid?
Roll camera.
- Here you are, sir.
- Thank you.
Lil' John back there.
Shake it like a salt shaker!
Can I get a glass of Hypno
with some ice, please?
- Coming right up.
- What you doin' by yourself?
- Go have a good time.
- No, thanks.
- You okay?
- No.
So what's goin' on?
My son Billy--he doesn't
want to be anything like me.
He says I got no flavor.
My daughter Heather--
she's growin' up so fast.
It seems like yesterday
I was teachin' her to ride a bike.
Now she's out there...
Hey, what is tea-bagging?
That's the shit!
That's where you take your balls
and dip 'em in a freak mouth.
you keep goin'
up and down like...
- Then you dip, right.
- I got it. Thank you.
I got a little carried away.
Gettin' back on the subject--
you raise your kids right,
eventually they gonna
wanna move on
and find they own path.
You're probably right.
You're a lucky man, Nashawn.
I wouldn't say that.
It took me gettin' everything
I ever wanted
to realize I lost
the best thing I ever had.
What was her name?
- Giselle.
- That's a beautiful name.
Bet she's beautiful.
Very. Very!
Still love her?
Course I do.
Then go do somethin'
about it.
Listen, when I met
my Barbara.
I knew that moment I'd move
heaven and earth to be with her.
I knew that she was worth it.
So you happy now?
Not really.
Last time I saw her,
she was with this tall model type.
A real handsome black guy?
Yeah.
Sittin' in low class?
Yeah.
Got a dick like a fire hose?
Yeah.
Yeah, you lost her.
- Can he get another one?
- Double.
Have you talked to her?
She can't talk.
She must have vocal cord damage.
I can believe it.
Man, if my baby mama page me
one more time, I swear to God...
What she want?
This motherfuckin' bitch wants
some more child support money
'cause she heard I got this job.
I can't believe these hos
nowadays.She extortin' you?
That's messed up, man.But you know what?If I crash this motherfucker
into a mountain right now,the bitch can't get
shit from me.
Watch this.
Oh, shit!
Shit, my nigga!
Oh, shit! Hold on, cuz!
- Oh, shit!
- Here we go.
That shit was funny as hell.
I know they trippin'
off this shit in the back.
You fuckin' high, dawg.
You startin' to scare me now.
Here ya go.
I'm gonna bounce before
Gay-dude and Riggs come back.
All right, my nigga.
I'm put this bitch on autopilot
so I can enjoy myself.
Captain Mack need to kick back
and enjoy this
motherfuckin' situation.
Oh, shit.
Last mushroom.
Might as well go on
and take this to the head.
Dry-ass mushroom,
African motherfucker.
Here you are, sir.
Oh, hey, that's my dad.
I need to talk to him.
Hi, Daddy.
Happy birthday, Heather.
You mad at me?
No, Actually, I'm just glad to hear
you call me daddy for a change,
It's been a while,
Usually it's shithead or asshole
or something,
I'm sorry. It's just
I hate that you're with Boobra.
Barbara... and I
are not together anymore.
I'm still upset that
you and Mom aren't together.
I'm sorry about that, honey.
But your mom's
with Dorothy now.
I'd like to be with your mom.
Hell, I'd love to be
with your mom and Dorothy.
But that's not important.
What's important is that you know
that I'm your dad,
and whether you're or or
I'm gonna still protect you
because I love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
I'll always be your little girl.
Right.
I will.
What about
all that stuff tonight?
Oh, don't worry.
I didn't do anything.
Really?
I was just saying stuff
to get you mad.
I don't even know
what half that stuff is.
What's tea-bagging anyway?
That's when you
get down on top...
Dad!
Apparently, it's the shit.
Come here.
So can I have
another blow job?
It's a drink.
It's cool.
Look, baby. I'm sorry,
and I wants to make it up to you.
Don't get it started because you
know you're not gonna finish.
Why you bringin' up old shit?
Let me see them tits!
Okay, okay! What's the plan?
Hold on one second.
I'm fixin' to be right back.
Good evening, Cap.
Is it cool if I come in?
This is tight up in here, dawg.
I'm not gonna
beat around the bush, man.
I'll get straight to the point.
Me and my girl--we overly ambitious
members of the mile-high club.
I was wondering if you would
let us come in here,
and, we could, like, do it.
All right, cool.
I'm fixin' to get her.
You probably gonna see
her titties and everything, man.
I'll be right back, dawg.
Hey, this is my girl.
Hi, Captain.
I know you got stuff to do,
so we just gonna
do our thing, man.
Yeah, it's cool.
Okay, okay.
No, no.
Ain't that my game.
Ooh, yeah.
I like the way you doin' that.
Ooh, work it, daddy.
I'm tryin', but it's like
a sauna down here,
It's like a fire,,,
- How's that?
- Oh, it's good, daddy.
You the king.
Tastes like chocolate puddin'.
Gots to have you right now.
- Got to have you right now, girl!
- Nasty fool!
Oh, shit. That nigga dead!
He dead!
Get your ass off me!
He's dead! This nigga's dead!
This nigga's dead!
The captain is dead!
Pork chop grease.
I'll take care of it.
The captain's dead!
That's our motto:
we fly, we party, we land.
That's what we tryin'
to do, man.
Nashawn, we gotta talk.
I want to talk to you, too.
The captain is dead.
Dead?
Wait a minute.
Are we talkin' Tupac dead.
Iike maybe he is
or maybe he isn't,
or Wilt Chamberlain dead, like
he ain't checkin' back in the game?
Dead like he can't
fly this plane, dead.
People are freakin' out.
It's Muggsy
hirin' these prison pilots.
You know what.
That's what we got a copilot for.
All we gotta do is find Gaeman,
because I hired him.
He's a professional,
and we should be cool.
Yes, counterclockwise.
Move your ass, baby.
Don't forget to squeeze
my nipple like a cow.
Would you like to see
my African walking stick?
Hey, hey, Gaeman.
Oh, my God. Move over!
How are you, sir?
I was taking a bath, I was dirty.
You are clean now, ladies.
I got an emergency,
I need you to fly the plane.
The plane?
Yeah.
- Me? Fly the plane?
- Yes.
Oh, my God!
I get to fly.
They will have a parade!
Go, Gaeman!
Move out the way!
Move, you bitches!
I have to fly the plane.
What's wrong with you?
Oh, shit!
He fell hard.
Gaeman!
God damn!
What the hell am l
supposed to do now?
You're gonna find some way
to land this plane.
Meet me in the cockpit, okay?
- Meet you?
- In the cockpit.
I got one more left.
Here you go. You gotta pull
one of these damn cords.
I don't want this shit, man.
I'm responsible
for these people.
I gotta try something.
Fuck them.
What are you, sick?
I know you, all right?
You can't even ride a bike.
How do you expect
to land this thing?
It don't even--
It don't even matter.
I'm not runnin' out
like I always do.
I'm gonna face this shit.
If you wanna go, go.
If you goin', go.
You gotta pull this one.
Hey, don't be grabbin' my cord.
You gonna make my chute
ejaculate prematurely,
Baby, watch your head.
Don't let that touch you.
- I got a dead pilot, man.
- Just go. God damn!
Oh, my God!
Not like this.
Listen, Giselle...
in case something happens,
there's something I need
to get off my chest.
That night
when you and I broke up.
I was on your porch.
I overheard you and your father
arguing about college.
What do you mean,
you're not goin' away to college?
It's too far, I want to stay here
where Nashawn is.
You gotta go, I been waitin'
years for this day
to have the house to myself.
I'm not going.
You always dreamed
of going to NYU.
Now they're offering you
a full scholarship.
You tellin' me you're not goin'
because of some little
poop butt ass nigga
who can't even keep a job!
Dad, I'm sorry,
but I can't leave Nashawn.
I love him and he loves me.
You are going to college.
You're not messin' up my plans.
I didn't want you to throw
all that away because of me.
I can get $ a month
for that room.
I just want you to know
that I'm sorry, Giselle.- Hey, baby.
- I'm so sorry for hurting you.
Leaving you was the biggest
mistake of my life.
For what it's worth...
I never stopped loving you.
You better get in there.
You got a plane to land.
Yeah.
Cool. I'm cool. I got it.
I got it right now.
Mayday.
SOS.
I said SOS.
Come down, selecta.
- Nashawn!
- What?
Are you gonna cut a demo
or radio in?
I don't know what to say.
I got something.
Hello? This is Nashawn Wade,
owner of NWA Airlines.
Yes, sir, the black one.
No, don't hang up. Hello?
Can you please help us?
We got a situation here.
My pilot died, and I got people
on the back of my plane
asking for help and--hello?
They put me on hold.
Due to the high number of calls,
your estimated wait time- is minutes.
- What are you doing here?
We family, man.
We was in this from the beginning,
we gonna ride this out to the end.
That's my nigga, man.
Look at my watch.
What's up, G?
Excuse me. I represent three
of the four white people on board.
I want to tell you fellas
we are behind you %.
What? Hunkee, please.
I'm just here to find
the little black box
so I can wrap
my big, black ass around it.
If I have to ride that tiny,
indestructible motherfucker
feet to safety,
trust you'll hear bitch screamin'.
"Hi ho, Silver".
Where's the box?
I really want to thank y'all
for giving me all this confidence.
- I really feel it, I do.
- You're welcome.
Somebody knows
how to land this plane,
this would be
the time to speak.
I saw a show on
the Discovery channel,
but that was about motorcycles.
Take control of the plane.
What?
You have to disengage
the autopilot.
How do you know that?
I used to date this pilot,
and we would make love
in the cockpit.
You haven't had an orgasm
until you've had it during descent.
Bitch, can you land this plane?
Show me where it is, Blanca.
What is it?
I don't remember.
That's what I told you...
I need you to go
to the back then.
No, hold on.
Last time I was here...
Here, here!
There it is. Push it.
Somebody help her.
Okay, I gotta grab it.
Guess I had a little control
right away.
I'm flyin', y'all.
Okay, what's next, Blanca?
I would...
Yes, the flaps!
The flaps!
Adjusting the flaps.
What's next?
I think it was... the trim.
I cannot hear her.
I got it.
I see what you're sayin'.
What's next?
I don't know. This is where
he usually pops the cork.
We are so fucked!
Don't panic, please.
You're gonna be okay.
You can't use that phone
while we're on the plane.
Girl, please, they say that
to rip you off.
They want you to use
their phone.
- I am calling for some help.
- No, I'm telling you.
Don't be hardheaded.
Don't use that phone.
Fuck that!
Okay. All right.
We back on track right now.
What next, Blanca?
The wheels.
Muggsy, pull the wheels down.
Grab the wheel
and do it slow.
I feel it comin' down, y'all,
Oh, yes!
Oh, D.J., this is it!
It's gonna happen this time, baby.
We about to die,
you got me tied up down here.
Damn it, I don't give a fuck.
We goin' to heaven
with one last nut.
Nigga, stay focused!
Yeah! I'm doin' it!
I told you it was the turbulence.
You don't want none of this.
Here we go.
We gonna land.
New York, here we go!
This is it right here.
That's the ground!
We made it.
We gonna live.
I did it. We down.
You did it!
That's just what you do, cousin.
Exactly what I do!
You see what I'm sayin'?
I was so scared.
You crazy bitch!
Fuck this airline!
You know what, she was
on the way out anyway.
- Forget her, baby. You did it.
- I did.
Yeah, I can do that.
All right, y'all
with the mushy stuff.
I'm a go check on
the passengers.
- Y'all just too cute.
- My boy.
Maybe we should go, too.
We should check on 'em, too.
All right. Come on.
What a day.
Wait a minute.
Hold that, sugar dumplin'.
I don't know
what smells better--
the New York air
or your magnificent perfume.
Why, thank you.
That's very kind of you.
Wait a minute.
That's an Adam's apple.
I'm a player, but I don't play
that way. Floor walker!
No, I...
- Hey, Muggs.
- Yo, cousin.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
We made it!
What kind of shit--
this is Central Park.
Where is Central Park?
It's in New York, ain't it?
You got JFK, LaGuardia,
Newark--
What you need an airport for,
you got all this grass?
Ain't this a bitch?
This nigga is pissin' on the plane!
That's your problem.
You always thinkin' on the nega--
Hell, no, I know they didn't
just steal my damn rims.
That's what your punk ass get.
You know how hard it is
to get -inch rims?
That's a big-ass tire
for a little-ass plane
and a short-ass nigga.
Why don't you go put
a doughnut in your mouth?
I am going to sue your ass,
I am gonna sue the airline...
That's all you do is complain.
It doesn't matter, I'm not
gonna let you spoil this for me.
I tell you what,
Muggs, take everybody upstairs.
Drinks on me.
Let's party!
And we did party.Just like I told y'all--
we fly, we party and we land.
Pop, where'd you get
the moves from?
Where do ya think
you got 'em from, son?
Wow! This is the bomb!
What? What did I say?
Let's dance!