Voila! Finally, the XX/YY
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Mark
Ruffalo. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of XX/YY. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
Vodka?
- Sure.
Do you go to school here,
or are you following me?
Me following you?
Yeah, I saw you today
in the city.
You were staring at me.
Is that something you do...
stare at girls in the subway?
I don't know. Did you follow me
all the way here to ask me that?
I go to school here,
but I haven't seen you.
I'm new.
I'm the new professor...
in the agricultural studies
department.
There is no agricultural
studies department.
Well, you see, that's the thing.
Poultry... it's a new thing.
I'm like a poultry specialist,
so I'm here to supervise.
I know, you're thinking
I'm too young, right?
You're thinking,
"How could this guy...
"have such a vast understanding
of the domesticated fowl?"
I could tell you,
if you're interested.
Are there any mixers?
- Mixers?
Chicken!
You see...
What are you doing
with my friend's chicken?
I don't know.
What would you like me to do...
with your friend's chicken?
Coitus.
I dare you.
- You dare me?
What do you dare me to do?
Would you think
I was being too forward...
if I said,
"Let's go back to your room"?
What would you say if I said,
"Let's go back to my room"?
But let's bring Thea.
I can't...
I'm sorry.
Why should you be sorry?
I'm sorry.
No, I am. I'm sorry.
Well, you shouldn't be sorry.
I had fun.
You did?
Yeah. Didn't you?
I guess.
What do you mean, you guess?
I mean, I guess I had fun,
but I felt bad, I guess.
I mean, the whole thing
was a little weird, I guess.
I'm sorry. It's my fault.
I thought it would be fun.
No, don't apologize.
I thought it'd be fun, too.
Thea had fun.
But she's sorry, too.
So, we're all sorry,
but we all had fun.
So, are you and Thea,
like, hangin' out?
Yeah, but not like that.
I mean, we're friends.
So, what are you doing
this weekend?
I don't know. Nothin'.
What are you doing?
Shit!
So, what do you do?
I'm an animator.
I ink animation cels
for this shitty ad firm.
But I also do
some of my own stuff.
Where are you from?
Here and there.
My parents
moved around a lot, so...
Can't we talk about
something else?
Like how beautiful you are?
What are we doing?
What do you mean?
I mean, what are we doing?
What do you want out of this?
I don't know.
What do you want?
I like you.
I like sleeping with you.
I like waking up with you.
What about you?
I like you, too.
I don't want to play any games.
Me, neither.
But I don't want to, like...
put any rules on you
or anything, either.
Oh, me, neither. I mean that.
I just think
the most important thing...
is that we're honest
with each other...
that we let each other know
what's going on...
and not lie about anything.
Of course.
I'm not playing any games.
Are you sure it's Ok?
Yeah, it's cool.
It is a little weird,
don't you think?
We...
I mean, we don't want it
to change anything.
We don't want
to make you feel weird.
Coles!
What...?
Come on!
Hello, everybody.
What's goin' on?
There's a party
in a warehouse in Brooklyn.
It's like a rave or something.
I thought we were gonna have
a nice, quiet night in tonight.
Oh, we won't stay for long.
It'll be fun.
I was kind of looking forward...
to just
hanging out and doing nothing.
But we can do that any night.
Yeah, but the thing is,
is we don't.
Come here.
What for?
Just a sec.
- What?
It's right here in my hand.
Come on.
Come on, it'll be fun.
We'll leave immediately
if it's not, I promise.
I can't just ditch those guys.
Where's Coles?
He went home.
That was a long cab ride.
I want this.
Can I have it?
Can I have this one?
I'll be in a minute.
Sam.
Sam, I'm gonna go in, Ok?
Stop.
Turn out the light.
Melissa, honey. We're leaving.
Holy shit!
I left the number of
the hotel on the kitchen table.
This is amazing!
Jesus.
Good-bye, Mr. And Mrs. Barnes!
This is amazing.
So, what do you guys want to do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
What do you want to do?
I told Sid I'd call him.
Your lame-ass roommate?
Please don't.
Fuck off. Sid rocks.
Hey, is Sid there?
Hey, what's up?
Nothin'.
Just chillin' like Bob Dylan.
Come over.
No, you have no excuse, Ok?
Hey! Wait for me!
I'm gonna get dressed.
Wait, don't open the door!
Hey, Sid! Come on in.
Take a load off.
You guys are crazy, huh?
Ooh, thank you! Merry Christmas!
So, what are you on?
Come on in.
Sid, what do you want
to be when you grow up, son?
Come on, Sid.
You have to do better than that.
Sid's gonna be a writer.
- Oh, yeah?
He is. He's like
the most amazing writer I know.
He writes all my papers for me.
I don't actually write
all her... I mean, I help her.
Oh, really?
- Oh, really?
What about you, Coles?
What do you want to do?
I'm never growing up.
What about you, Thea?
- What about me?
What are you gonna be when
you grow up? Sid's manager?
Or maybe you should be
a writer, too...
and then Sid could do
all of your writing for you.
No, I don't actually
write all her papers.
Ok, Sid! Damn it!
I'm gonna be...
a country and western singer.
I'm fine.
No. No hair in there. No hair.
Is she gonna be all right?
- Yeah, she'll be fine.
Don't worry about it.
I'll take care of her.
What do you want to do, really?
I want to make movies.
What kind of movies?
Movies that make people think...
like, about my butt.
Sometimes it seems
like you're scared...
to take anything seriously.
Like...
you're afraid that if
you say what you really feel...
that people will criticize you.
So you only joke around
all the time.
Do you think that's true?
Maybe.
Or maybe I just don't
take anything seriously.
Thanks, Sid.
You're really good to me.
You'd do the same for me.
No, I wouldn't.
You're not a fucking mess
like me.
You're not a fucking fuck-up
like I am.
You're not a fuck-up, Thea.
You just need some sleep, Ok?
Sid?
Can I ask you a question?
Sure.
Do you love me?
Yeah, of course I love you.
No, I mean,
do you think I'm a good person?
Oh, shit.
You're not dressed?
What?
- You're not out of bed?
I'm out of bed.
I fucked Sid last night.
What?
You fucked Sid?
Sid Sid?
- Yeah.
Thea! Do you think
that was a good idea?
You guys are friends.
I know, I know.
It might have been a dipshit
move. I can't decide yet.
No, I mean, really.
- Whatever, you know.
What's a little fucking
among friends, right?
I'm gonna go
and get some brunch.
Ok. Do you want to wait for me?
I'll see you down there.
Ok. I'll meet you there.
As a kid, did you always know...
what you wanted to be
when you grew up?
Why do you ask?
You never really
answer anything, do you?
Except with another question.
When I was a kid,
I wanted to grow up...
to be powerful enough
that no one could do anything...
when I shit all over 'em.
What if I said that?
I'd say that's great, Coles.
At least
you're saying something.
But you're not. You're saying,
"What if I said that?"
Have you... have you
been seeing other people?
What?
It's just a simple question.
Have you?
Have you?
Maybe.
"Maybe."
What do you mean, maybe?
Well, "Maybe" means
that may or may not be...
something I've been doing.
But we're not talking about me.
I asked you first.
Fine, yeah. I slept with a girl.
It was just sex, that's it.
Why?
I don't know. Why not?
What about you?
What about me?
Who did you sleep with?
Nobody.
I'm gonna leave.
Are you sure?
Yeah, yeah.
You have work to do.
I don't want you
to leave like this.
Like what?
Like this.
With us fighting like this.
We're not fighting.
It's not like I own you, right?
It's just...
It was just one thing
to talk about...
and I didn't know
how it would make me feel.
I love you, Ok?
What happened with that girl,
it didn't mean anything.
I just feel stupid.
Come on, don't feel stupid.
There's no reason to feel
stupid. It didn't mean anything.
I'll be fine.
I love you.
Get some work done.
I'll see you tonight.
Please don't cry.
Fuck.
Please don't.
I can't...
I just like...
I just want to be your friend.
I gotta go.
I'll see you tonight.
I'm so glad you could make it.
- Hi! How are you?
Good. How are you?
- Remember Sid?
Oh, hi, Sid. Come in.
I want to talk to you.
Let's just try
to have some fun, Ok?
Looking at my hands?
You have amazing hands.
I saw the cast of your hands
in the Biennial last year...
the bronze ones?
They were beautiful.
- Thanks.
That's strange.
Not supposed to be wearing it.
Pig skin.
Let me get inside these.
- No, no, no. Those stay on.
I was angry.
Can you find it in your heart
to forgive me?
I don't have a heart.
Yeah, you do.
It's just really little
and black.
This could make us stronger.
Don't you think?
Be very quiet, will you?
Don't say anything. Touch me.
Oh, I feel sick.
Where's Sam?
She's right there.
Is she coming?
I'm surprised that you're
so upset by this situation.
What is this situation?
- This!
There is no situation...
except for you being
a complete fucking asshole!
It's like you planned this
to try and prove something.
But you know what?
That's fine, but I quit.
I quit. You win. Game over.
I'm sorry.
Fuck you.
Hold up there!
Come on, fella.
Hold him down!
Sam!
Fuck you, Sam! Fuck you!
Sid, I want to apolo...
Excuse me.
Are you Coles Burroughs,
the film director?
Yeah.
I did a film a few years ago.
I thought I recognized you.
I saw your picture once
in Filmmaker magazine...
and I saw your movie.
Really didn't like it very much.
I'm sorry.
I was kind of wondering...
could I have my money back?
You know that ticket
that you bought?
I didn't get
any of that money, you know.
That all went
to the distributors...
and the executive producers.
I didn't see a dime.
But you made it.
You're responsible.
What was it, eight bucks?
Nineteen. I took a girl.
She didn't like it
at all, either.
She said she thought
it was morally reprehensible.
Especially
the depiction of women.
All right, there you go.
And tell your girlfriend
that I said I'm sorry.
Oh, no, we broke up.
Yeah. I'd also like
the tuna, please.
Yeah, and how long
do you think? Half hour?
That's great. Ok. Thanks.
So, I ordered you the tuna.
How was your day?
It was great. They loved
the dancing taco idea.
Oh, the insidiously racist taco.
Just what they wanted.
- That's great.
What is with you?
August first.
Oh, my God. I knew
I was forgetting something.
You forgot?
- Honey, I totally forgot.
I'm so sorry.
I'm kidding.
I got you
the Claire Denis boxed set.
You got me a picture of
some videotapes! That's great!
It's not coming in until
next week, so until then, yeah.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
Open yours.
It's an autographed copy.
They... it's a first edition.
Oh, that's beautiful, Coles.
"D is for demon."
Thank you.
Just eat me!
Taco man! Just eat it!
Maybe we could try music
that's a little less ethnic.
Of course.
Looks great, though.
- Oh, yeah.
Just get rid of that music,
and I think we got a home run.
Great. Thanks, Rick.
Hey, keep up the good work,
Coles.
I felt a really great
connection there.
Did you feel it?
You feel it? You feel it?
Who's this... is that me?
Yeah. I think so, yeah.
You look great!
- So do you!
I heard that you were married.
Thea is, did you know that?
- No. Have you two kept in touch?
Yeah. We reconnected
a few years ago...
and her husband owns
this restaurant... Theadora's.
Theadora's is named after Thea?
Do you know it?
Yeah.
I've definitely heard of it.
I've never been there, but...
is it nice?
I don't know.
I haven't been, either.
I just got back into town on...
last week.
Where from? Where you been?
London. Yeah, I just moved back.
You want to go get a drink
or something? Coffee? Catch up?
Yeah. I can't right now,
but I would love to.
I...
Let me give you the number
of my parents' flat.
If it's what it was,
I still have it.
Yeah, it's the same.
I'm going to be living there
since they don't really use it.
I'll call you.
Good.
So...
I'll see you soon.
- Yeah.
Sam,
there's a Thea on the line.
Oh, thanks, Lisa!
Thea, you look great.
Thanks. So do you.
The blond is nice.
- You like it?
I don't know what to do with it.
Miles wants me to grow it out
natural color...
but you know what?
Fuck him!
When are you gonna come
to the restaurant?
God, I don't know. This week
has been totally crazy.
It'll settle down soon.
I'm having lunch
with Coles tomorrow.
What? Did you call him?
No, I ran into him,
like, at the gym.
You just happened
to run into him at the gym?
What, are you, like,
stalking him?
No, it was a total coincidence.
It was, I swear to God.
So, what's he doing?
Well, I don't know. We didn't
really have time to catch up.
Is he still making movies?
I don't know. I guess so.
Did you ever end up
seeing his movie?
I liked it. I mean...
it was kind of weird
to see, but...
Why don't you guys
both come for dinner?
Or would that be too...
I think that he has
a serious girlfriend.
I don't know. Something
gave me that impression.
Sam, don't even think about it.
I know. But still...
I don't actually write
all her papers.
Ok, Sid. Damn it!
I'm gonna be
a country and western singer.
What about you, Sam? What are
you gonna be when you grow up?
I don't know what I want to do.
I'd like to do something
that helps people, you know?
I'd like to give
something back.
How noble.
Hey, honey.
Hey, how was your day?
Can I just please tell you
how annoying mine was?
This woman calls me
forty times, right, in a row...
trying to get ahold of Bob.
Well, he's out of town.
I don't know why
I thought you were married.
I can't remember
who told me that.
We've been together for five
years, so we might as well be.
So, are you happy?
Oh, am I happy with Claire?
Oh, yes, very much so.
Of course.
So, how did you two meet?
Sorry, I don't mean to pry.
No, no, it's Ok.
We met because I was her boss.
And she was working for me...
or with me.
She was the art director.
She doesn't work with me
anymore.
So, what about you? No husband?
I was engaged in London
to a guy named Jonathan.
It was supposed to happen
next month...
but as it got closer,
I just started thinking...
that I was doing it
for the wrong reasons.
What are the right reasons?
I don't know.
So what?
What what?
What... what... what happened
to the fiancé?
I told him that I wasn't ready.
I left him in London...
and now I'm running around town
with some young guy.
That was quick.
Yeah, well,
it's nothing serious.
He's cute, he's young, and
I'm just having a little fun.
So, maybe we should all
get together sometime.
You know,
go out with three couples.
Well, you know,
Thea and Miles want us all...
to come to dinner next week,
if that works for you.
That sounds fun.
Unless you think
it might be awkward.
Awkward? No, it'll be fun.
Your hair looks great, Thea.
Yeah, I've never
seen your natural color.
Oh, it's not natural.
I added dye.
Beige.
- Miles hates it.
I didn't say I hated it.
I like it.
Reminds of the pleather
in my grandparents' Lincoln.
It makes me feel
all warm and fuzzy.
Well, I think
it looks very nice.
Thank you, Claire.
So, Sam says you're an actor.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, that's my thing.
I'm not really workin'
right now, though.
I'm just kind of layin' low.
I'm not really into the whole
fame and success thing.
You know,
I saw that movie you made.
I thought it was pretty cool
that you made that shit.
Thanks.
I loved it.
I thought it was great.
Thank you.
You know
the Times reviewer guy?
What a fucking moron.
I mean...
obviously he hadn't
even seen the movie, right?
All critics
should be brought to a pulp...
and converted to paper.
Hear, hear.
Thank you for saying that.
So, are you working on
anything new, or...
I was, but...
What happened?
When you're working
on a movie...
there's a time before it
actually begins when you're...
you know, it's just ripe
with possibilities.
Is that what they say?
Is it "rife" or is it "ripe"?
"Rife"?
What the hell is "rife"?
I could never understand
"rife."
It means in widespread use,
prevalent, abundant.
It comes from the old English.
Very old. Very, very, very old.
Do you really want
to hear this?
Because I must sound
like a pompous hyp...
Really? Well...
well, in the beginning,
it's just...
anything is possible...
and it's really exciting.
But then, you know,
as the production begins...
there's
more and more compromises...
until eventually
nothing is possible...
and, you know,
it's only disappointing.
I just... I realized
I wasn't cut out for that.
I just wanted to do
a more personal kind of film...
and I just realized that...
I don't know what I realized.
Nothing, I guess.
So, what do you do now?
Advertising. I'm in commercials.
Oh, yeah? Anything we've seen?
Oh, probably not, no.
Actually, Coles did
all those "Taco Man" spots.
Oh, "Drop that taco"?
"Drop that taco"? We love those!
I love those!
Thank you.
Did you know "rife"?
I didn't know
it came from the old English.
I knew "rife."
I didn't know that.
You didn't know "rife."
You're full of shit.
Nobody did.
When I first brought it up...
everyone was totally confounded.
Except Tommy.
Right, but nobody else knew it.
I could sense it.
It was like a bond.
Actually, I think Miles
might've known "rife"...
and he was just being polite.
That's what it was.
It was impolite,
what that kid Tommy did.
It was as if he was
just waiting to jump in...
and make a fool out of me.
Old English, my ass!
He was just making that shit up.
You're crazy, you know that?
I'm lookin' it up.
You're a maniac!
Oh, yeah?
In what sense of the word?
As in born and bred in Maine?
No, as in crazy,
as in stark raving lunatic.
As in stark raving naked?
What does it say?
What did it say?
Whatever. It was rude.
You're right about one thing...
Sam can definitely do better.
He just seemed like a boob,
you know?
And she was really sweet.
I liked all of them a lot.
Thea seemed good.
I liked her husband. I thought
he was gonna be a prick.
He totally looked like a prick,
didn't he?
Then he turned out
to be really nice.
Whatever happened
that you guys all lost touch?
You know how those things are.
So, was it strange
after all this time?
Well, it just seems like
there's a part of you...
that's still
really drawn to Sam.
Don't be ridiculous.
- Oh, come on, honey.
I saw the way
you were looking at her.
And I think it's
perfectly normal. I mean...
It's nothing, Ok?
It was just weird.
I haven't seen her in ten years.
It was just weird, is all.
Do you remember
a long time ago...
when you and I
were first getting together...
and we had a conversation about
other people we'd been with?
I think we were drunk...
but you said something
that I never forgot.
You said
you don't believe in love.
We were drunk,
and I was being melodramatic.
I don't think so.
I think there was something
really telling about that.
You said that
you believed in love once...
but that
you'd learned your lesson.
And you said it was Sam.
You know, now you're the one
who's being melodramatic.
I'm not. And I'm not upset.
I'm just saying
that it seems normal...
that you would feel weird
seeing her, that's all.
I mean...
I can even accept...
that you might still have
certain feelings for her.
You know,
you really gotta stop this.
Why?
I'm not saying anything crazy.
I'm not getting angry...
and I feel like things
are gonna be fine.
I'm just trying to let you know
that it's Ok, you know?
I trust you.
And I trust us.
And I like your friends.
I'm fine.
- Ok...
but I'm telling you
that you're crazy...
if you think there's anything
going on with me and Sam.
I don't know.
I felt bad, you know?
He's sweet,
but what are you gonna do?
Hold on. It's the door.
Who's there?
- It's Coles.
Coles, hi.
I'll be down... I'm coming down.
Just wait.
Thea?
- You gotta go?
Coles is here.
What the fuck
is Coles doing there?
I don't know.
- I do.
I'll call you back.
Ok. Make sure you ask him
about the weekend.
Yeah, yeah, I'll ask him.
Surprise.
Come in.
Thea says hello.
Oh. What,
did you just call her?
No, I was on the phone with her
when you buzzed.
Oh, right, yeah.
So, come up.
- Sure.
She wanted me to ask you
if you and Claire...
wanted to come out to the beach
next weekend.
They have a place out there.
She, Miles and I are all going.
If you and Claire...
Next weekend?
Yeah, that sounds fun. Sure.
I mean, I'll have to ask
to make sure...
but it should be fine, yeah.
Can I get you something?
Tea, coffee?
Tea would be great.
So, to what do I owe
this surprise visit?
I don't know.
Just wanted to see you.
I've been thinking about you,
and... I don't know.
The other night was really nice.
It was, yeah.
Claire's great.
Tommy seems cool. He's cute.
What is he, like, eighteen?
I know. Don't say it.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
It's Ok. I got rid of him.
What happened?
It was only a matter of time.
The first time we hung out,
we went to a movie...
and just hearing
where he laughed...
I knew it wasn't gonna last.
I just thought
it'd be more fun.
Sometimes I wonder what
it would've been like...
if we had managed
to stay together.
We would've made
each other miserable.
Oh, my God.
We were really fucked up.
We were a mess.
- The whole thing was a mess.
We thought we were having such
a wild, fun time with Thea.
We didn't have a clue!
We were so mean to each other.
Do you remember?
I was so angry.
I was such an asshole.
It was like we were animals...
like we had no concept
of control.
We just did whatever
we wanted to, no matter what.
If it were then, we'd be
on the floor right now...
fucking like rabbits.
Fuck.
What?
I was going to call you,
actually.
What for?
For two things...
to ask you about the weekend...
and also because
I'm buying a car...
and I wanted to ask you about
what you thought I should get.
You know...
But then, I didn't want
to bother you.
No, it's fine. I don't mind.
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
I was just gonna go down...
and drive
a few different things.
I'll go with you.
- You don't have to do that.
It'll be fun. I want to do it.
I guess I should get going.
I...
should go.
What?
- Nothing.
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Do you mind if I change this?
It's bugging me.
Ok. Sure.
Are you Ok?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Hey.
What's on your mind, baby?
Nothing.
I like it!
Well, we'll take it.
- Sold.
Sold.
I can't believe Thea's married.
You and Claire
have been together...
for five years, you said?
It was five years August first.
You even know the date.
When we were together,
you weren't the kind of guy...
who kept track
of stuff like that.
It's almost like I'm sensitive.
It's like you're married.
Yeah, I guess so.
Do you want to come in?
Coles, it's so nice.
Yeah, we've been here
about four years.
Can I get you something?
Tea, or...
- Yeah, sure.
Maybe something herbal?
I just can't tonight.
But thank you so much.
Hi. What time is it?
- It's just after : .
I left work early.
I was just trying...
to talk Sam into
joining us for dinner.
I would love to,
but I'm already running late.
Sam was just leaving.
I'll walk you out.
Well, next time, then.
And next weekend, right?
Yeah.
I'm sorry about all of this.
All what?
You mean, surprising me?
It's nothing.
I wish you could stay
for dinner.
Well, I'll see you soon.
- It was good to see you.
What?
Nothing.
Just eat me.
Taco man! Just eat it!
I still say... classic rock.
But Rick, I don't give a shit
what you say.
You're joking, right?
What gives you that impression?
Just fuckin' with you, Rick.
I love classic rock.
It's so classic.
This guy kills me.
You really had me goin', Coles.
I thought I was gonna
have to fire your ass.
Seriously.
I think we might be...
losing track of our demographic,
so I'm gonna check the reports.
I'll get back to you.
- Ok, you do that, Coles.
You get back to us.
We believe in you, champ!
Theadora's. Good afternoon.
- Thea.
Come on.
Coles.
- Shut up.
I said one drink.
You're so bad.
Just a little bit.
So I'm a little bad.
- Yes.
So, what happened
with the blond?
The shit turned green.
I love Sam.
I know.
I mean, I love Claire,
but I'm still in love with Sam.
You think that's stupid
after all these years?
No.
Did she tell you what happened?
Oh, man.
Did you tell Claire about it?
There's no room for honesty
in a healthy relationship.
You guys still want to go
to the beach this weekend?
What's goin' on, Coles?
What do you mean?
I mean,
what's going on with Sam?
Those guys are picking us up
in less than an hour...
and if you're gonna
act like this all weekend...
maybe we should just
tell 'em we can't go.
I'm not acting like anything.
I'm just asking you
to talk to me. Coles?
Coles, tell me what's going on.
I can take it.
There's nothin' to tell.
Do you want me to call them?
Because maybe this is
a really bad idea.
No, I want to go.
I think this is
a really good idea.
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
You know what I'm thinking?
Thinking? You?
My God!
What do you think?
Thea, something's come up, and
I don't think I'll be able...
to make it out there this
weekend, but you all have fun...
and I'll call you
when I get a chance.
That's a shame.
Hope everything's all right.
What?
This is spectacular.
I'm sorry.
Let's just try
to have a nice time, Ok?
Ok.
So, who do you gotta fuck
to get a place like this?
Gotta get him.
I was one of those
pathetic guys...
cryin' in his beer after work,
making lists of reasons...
why I could never own
my own place.
Honey, you weren't that bad.
I was a loser
until you walked into my life.
Shut up.
Until you showed up
and started crackin' that whip.
No, I just did paperwork,
managerial stuff.
But ultimately...
it was all his idea.
It was his big dream.
She basically gave me
so much shit...
that finally
I got my shit together.
No, I couldn't have
done it without her.
That's true.
I know.
Well, he did name
a restaurant after you.
Thank you.
He did.
The five years we have had
Have been such good times
I still love you
Now I think it's time
I lived my life on my own
I guess it's just
what I must do
Don't...
You know I can't believe it
When you say
that you won't see me
Bullshit! This is bullshit!
You know I don't believe you
When you say
that you don't need me
It's not too late to find
You think
you've changed your mind
You'd better change it back
or you will both be sorry
Don't you want me, baby?
Were you drunk tonight?
No, I just had a few drinks.
Why do you ask?
I didn't think you were...
but you seemed
a little out of hand.
What do you mean, out of hand?
I just mean that it was just
a little weird...
the way you were
touching Thea...
when you were telling the story
about the bike.
When I was touching her arm?
Yeah. I mean, not just touching
her arm, you know...
but the way you were
touching it, it was weird.
I mean, it made me
uncomfortable...
and it seemed like it made her
and Miles uncomfortable, too.
You're crazy. I was touching
her arm. I was telling a story.
I would've touched Miles's arm
the same way...
if he'd been
sitting next to me.
I don't know. It just...
It seemed weird,
and it seemed like...
it made everyone uncomfortable.
I was just surprised that
you didn't pick up on it.
Because you're usually
so perceptive...
which is why I was wondering
if you were drunk.
I mean, you two
did sleep together once.
You know?
You know what?
I'm sure it was nothing.
I'm sure that they probably just
thought you were a little drunk.
Good night.
You see, that's the thing.
Just as we're beginning to have
a really nice time together...
she's gotta make me feel bad
and play on my insecurities.
She's just saying it because
she cares about you.
I don't know.
I really like Claire.
I think she's cool.
I don't think so.
What?
Are you thinkin'
about Sam again?
Why does it all have
to be so complicated?
I have to tell Claire
that I'm in love with Sam.
Otherwise,
I'm not being fair to her.
Yeah, I think
you should tell Claire.
But don't pretend
you're doing it for her sake...
because you're not.
They're probably at the beach
or something.
Right. Why don't you stay here?
Ok. Meet me back here?
Bye, sweetie.
Oh, yeah.
- Nice.
Yeah, baby!
I love this song.
It reminds me of college.
You Ok there, boss?
Yeah, I'm good.
I'll be in a minute.
I'll be right back.
He's always flippin'.
Sam?
You're not gonna believe
what I just did.
What?!
Yeah. You see? It's true.
Oh, my God!
Sam.
Sam just got married.
She and Jonathan went to Vegas
and got married.
God and Elvis. That's awesome.
After the conversation that
Coles and I had last week...
I just realized
that I was being silly.
And so, when Jonathan showed up
and suggested it...
I just thought,
"What the hell? Why not?"
So we eloped and went to Vegas.
Where's the lucky man?
He's checking into a hotel
and coming back.
We were going to stay
the whole weekend...
but we changed our minds.
I don't know.
There was something
about eloping to Vegas...
that was kind of
exciting and wild...
and after the ceremony,
when we went back to our room...
it just seemed a little
cheap and depressing...
so I thought I would rather
be here with my friends.
I can't wait
for you to meet him.
I'm so happy for you!
Well, congratulations.
We should celebrate.
Why?
Because I love you.
Why now?
Why not?
I just feel a little like
a consolation prize, I guess.
What are you talking about?
It's not like we haven't
talked about it before.
Exactly. You were never ready.
It just seems sudden.
Sudden's romantic.
- This is not romantic.
Sure it is. We got beach.
What more do you want?
I'm gonna tell you
something, Ok?
And as I do, I need you
to do something for me.
What do you want me to do?
- Don't interrupt me.
Because I don't want you
to throw me off, Ok?
You promise?
- I promise.
But is all this
really necessary?
Shut up and listen to me.
I know you fucked Sam last week.
What are you talking about?
Shut your mouth.
Claire...
- Shut your fucking mouth!
Now I'm gonna tell you
what happened.
And then I'm gonna tell you
how I feel about it...
and you are just gonna
sit there and listen, Ok?
Now, last week
I got a call from Kim's...
that your tapes had arrived.
So I was really excited...
and I was gonna get home early
and surprise you.
But you were already there.
I know it sounds crazy...
but I felt relief.
For years I've wanted
to start our family...
and you've never known
what you want.
I was standing
in the hallway...
throwing your tapes
down the incinerator...
when I suddenly realized
it was like a blessing.
Finally, you were making
a decision about what you want.
So, I turned around...
and I walked back into
the apartment, ready to face it.
But I missed it.
I thought that if I waited...
you would have
to make a decision.
So I waited.
But you are such
a fucking pussy, Coles.
You wouldn't even
give me that.
You fucked Sam, and you still
didn't make a decision.
Sam did.
It's like you robbed me of the
one thing I was hoping to get...
out of this whole
fucked up mess.
You still haven't chosen me.
You're, like, settling for me.
Claire.
Don't...
Not a fuckin' word out of you.
So, that's where I'm at.
And this is what
you're gonna do.
You are not gonna
apologize to me...
because that's
like an admission...
and even though
I saw it happen...
I don't ever want
to hear you admit to it.
So, you're just
gonna say nothing.
I know that you're sorry.
And in your spineless,
pathetic way...
that's as much
as you can give me.
I just have to decide
if I can live with it.
I love you, Claire.
And I want us to be together.
I guess I'm gonna
have to think about it.
You want me
to fall on my knees?
Fuck you, Coles.
What do you want me to do?
I'm on my knees.
Claire.
All right.
- Which bag is it in?
The garment bag.
You don't need to change...
into other clothes.
You look good.
Jonathan, this is Coles.
Hi. It's a pleasure.
Likewise.
Well, let's go inside.
That kind of takes the fun out
of going to Vegas, doesn't it?
That's what I thought,
but Jonathan thought...
the whole Vegas aesthetic
was a little tacky.
I liked the idea at first.
It seemed fun...
but when it came down to it,
it just felt inappropriate.
I guess I'm just old-fashioned.
Even so, the chapel,
it was all pink and red.
So, what about you two?
Sam says you've been together
for five years.
Isn't that when they put
the screws to you?
We'll see.
I'd like to thank both of you
for a truly wonderful weekend.
Our pleasure.
And I'd like
to propose a toast.
This is to Sam and Jonathan.
To a happy, healthy marriage
and a beautiful life together.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Cheers.
- Cheers.
Cheers.