Voila! Finally, the XXX
script is here for all you quotes spouting fans of the movie starring Vin Diesel, Asia
Argento, Sam Jackson, etc. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly
transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of XXX. I know, I know, I still need to get the cast names in there and I'll be eternally
tweaking it, so if you have any corrections, feel free to
drop me a line. You won't
hurt my feelings. Honest.
He stole the chip, he's inside.
I see him.
Kirill!
Time to work.
NSA Remote Intelligence Facility Mt. Weather,
Virginia
At hours, the mission deviated from the
set parameters.
It wasn't part of the plan for our agent to get
shot in the back.
Identity confirmed.
McGrath was uploading some data to us when
he was killed.
Take a look at this. I'm not sure yet exactly
what it is.
-A fragment of a complex molecule. -Gibbons.
We think it's a link to a Soviet bio-weapon...
...called Silent Night.
-James, what the hell is he doing here? -I
called him in.
We've lost three agents already. You could use
the help.
I found out your agents were killed by this
group, Anarchy .
They're ex-military. They can smell the training
on our agents a mile away.
Sir, I think it's time we tried something new.
These guys aren't ours. Who are they? CIA?
No, civilians. Convicts, mercs, contract killers.
The best and brightest of the bottom of the
barrel.
-They're the scum of the earth.
-Programmable, expendable, effective.
I think it's our best shot.
Do we want to drop another mouse in the
snake pit?
Or send our own snake and let him crawl in?
Sacramento, California
Come on, Pepe. This is unbelievable.
Hello!
Well, it's about time. Now, listen....
Were you coming from Tijuana? I don't mean
to be rude.
Keep it out of the sun. I don't want the paint
to fade.
Do you understand English? I pay enough for
you people.
Come on, Janelle. You're gonna love this place.
-Dick, how are you? -This is Janelle.
-Call . -Who's driving my car?
Senator Hotchkiss! California state Senate!
Listen, somebody just stole my car!
You, in the red Corvette! Pull over
immediately!
Yeah, yeah. These monkeys are following me
because I took this car.
Obviously the car doesn't belong to me, it's not
my style.
It belongs to Dick, Dick Hotchkiss, a California
state senator.
You remember Dick. He tried to ban rap
music...
...because he feels the lyrics promote violence.
It's music, Dick!
He also wants to pull every video game off
every shelf in the country...
...because he feels that the video games
diminish the intelligence of our youth.
Come on, Dick.
It's the only education we got.
You're a bad man. You know what we do to
bad men.
We punish them.
Dick, you've just entered the Xander zone.
I'm coming in hot with a side of bacon!
Go, go, go!
Pull it! Pull it!
Yes!
Go get the cameras! Go! Go! Go!
Moral is, don't be a dick, Dick!
You guys got the cameras? All right, let's go,
let's go!
Peace out!
Outstanding.
Thank you.
-What's up? -You invited these people?
Of course not.
That's my dog! What's up?
Today was off the hook! You're psycho, bro!
Psycho? That was off the chain, man!
Yo, yo, yo! What's up with that crazy trick that
we've been hearing about?
-My Superman seat-grab barrel roll? -Word.
I'm still working on it.
You're a hard guy to get ahold of.
You know, an athlete like you should really
have his own video game.
Jordan King. I can make it happen.
-I'll hold on to this for later. -You do that.
You know he'll never sell out. That's why he is
who he is.
So you need to relax. Who invited you,
anyway?
Shut up.
Listen, this is for real. I can get us an advance
on lnternet pre-sales.
So you need to just go to Pago Pago or
something.
Get some girls, do them all. I don't care. Go on
vacation.
It's Bora Bora, J. I got enough girls here.
Since when did you care so much about
money?
I just need you to lay low till the heat's off,
okay?
I run a secret website. I got tapes to make and
I can't do that with you in jail.
-Did you see that? -I don't care. Listen to me.
I'm untouchable.
Let's go! Get out! Move!
Okay, I'll turn down the music.
It was only a Corvette.
Let's go, baby. Your order is getting cold.
-Want coffee? -Can you give me some hash
browns?
-Sure. -Make them sloppy. I like them runny.
How did I get here?
Two big guys dropped you off minutes ago.
Told me to look after you.
You look like you could use some coffee.
You all right?
Fine.
I said, you got a problem, boy?
No. No problem.
-Nobody make a move! -Nobody move!
Just couldn't let him leave. Keep your
goddamned mouth shut!
-Keep still or you'll stop breathing. -Empty the
goddamn register!
Get back!
Get back. Get back!
-Well done, Mr. Cage. -Who the hell are you?
The name's Gibbons. Augustus Gibbons.
You seem upset. Is there a problem?
-What is this place? -Looks like a diner.
That's clever.
You almost had me going there for a while.
I was a bit groggy before, then I started
noticing things.
Like, you got a stockbroker over here, all
dressed up...
...reading the Financial Times on Sunday when
the market's closed.
Unlikely, but okay, I can go with that.
I could even go with the stick-up man packing
a cop-issue Beretta.
But you want to know where you blew it? With
her.
My aunt was in the restaurant business.
There's no way a career waitress comes to
work in high heels.
She'd have blisters the size of pancakes.
And if she ain't real, then this whole thing ain't
real.
That's how I knew that this bozo wouldn't get
a shot off...
...even if we waited till St. Patrick's Day.
Because there's nothing but blanks in these
guns.
Oh, and no offense...
...but their performances were terrible.
That's good. That's very good.
It's your turn, pretty boy.
-What the hell is going on here? -It was a test
that you aced.
-He seems to have a poor attitude. -Excuse
me?
-Should we throw him back? -Hell, no. I love
his attitude.
Let's take this to the next level. Get on the
Sat-Com.
Take what to the next level?
-Yo! Take what? -I want everybody out in
minutes.
I don't play this game.
-Get Mike a doctor or he'll look like me. -I got
a party.
-Shut him up. -And pay for my windows!
Why is it always the assholes who pass the
tests?
You guys haven't been to any diners lately,
huh?
Diner finalists.
-What, no coffee? -Oh, yeah.
-Here comes the ROTC. -Here we go.
-Where's my peanuts? -Nice.
Can you ask for the stewardess?
-Standing by to deploy drogue. -Roger,
deploying drogue parachute.
-This will hurt. -What the hell?
-Release drogue now. -Roger.
This ain't right!
I live for this shit!
Not bad!
Let's do that again!
Holy shit. This is Colombia.
Cocaine, man. These are coke plants!
No keys.
-What the hell are you doing? -You know what
this shit's worth?
What now? ls this another test?
-Let's go across the river. Let's go! -Yeah,
good idea! Good idea!
You monkeys are too good for me. I failed this
test.
You guys got something to drink?
Nice to see you again, fellas.
Yeah, you too.
Boy, they went all out on this one.
You've got to be kidding.
Okay, funny guys.
I'll show you what we do when you get in our
business.
What? Hog-tie us and force us to listen to your
bad accent?
No.
We cut their Achilles tendon and watch them
flop around like a marionette.
Unless you have something to tell me,
something I need to know?
Okay. You're short.
My friend says you could use a haircut to
update your style. Get off me.
Shut up!
Two seconds ago you told us to talk. Now it's
"Shut up"?
I don't mean to nitpick, but you're the worst at
this torture thing.
You slap me again, I'm going to throw you a
beating.
I hope they're paying you extra for this.
You know what, funny guy? Maybe I'll cut off
your nose first.
Funny guy.
What's funny is, this actually smells like real
blood.
I hope you like it, because it's the last thing
you're going to smell.
I'm hit! I'm hit! I'm hit!
Virg! Give me a hand.
This is the Colombian army!
Give up, you're surrounded!
Try to walk, T.J. Try to walk.
Virg! Get out here!
To hell with this. Every man for himself.
I'll get us some wheels.
Hang in there.
Good luck.
The guy on the bike, that's the drug lord!
Let's get him!
T.J.!
X! I'm over here! X!
There he is!
We toasted his ass!
I got us a bike.
Pussies!
Look who it is. Frankenstein. Uncuff me so I
can beat the shit out of you.
Relax, X, you just graduated at the head of
your class.
What are you talking about? You almost got us
killed.
-We knew the army was moving. -Excuse me?
It was my idea to send you as a decoy. How
do you like that?
-You're pretty fast for an old man. -Get up.
Walk with me.
I believe under the right circumstances, a man
can change.
For instance, last night you exhibited courage,
leadership...
...and willingness to protect a man you hardly
knew.
-So give me a medal. -I'd rather give you a
job.
Look at me. Do I look like a fan of law
enforcement?
This is your lucky day, Xander.
This is your chance to pay your Uncle Sam...
...for all your wonderful freedoms.
The job's not that difficult.
I want you to meet people and find out what
you can about them.
What type of people?
Dangerous, dirty, tattooed, uncivilized. Your
kind of people.
Hold up.
My kind of people would say, "Kiss my ass,
scarface".
Usually I'd take my gun, press it to your
temple...
...and ask you very politely to do what I want.
But you're not afraid of death. That puts us in
a quandary.
-We better call this a day, then. -Not just yet.
You ever watch lions at the zoo?
You can tell which were captured in the wild by
the look in their eyes.
The wild cat.
She remembers running across the plain, the
thrill of the hunt.
Four hundred pounds of killing fury locked in a
box.
But after a while, their eyes glaze over...
...and you can tell their soul has died.
The same thing happens to a man.
Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary is no joke.
They'll take a wild man and throw him in
solitary just for fun.
No more mountains to board, no more oceans
to surf.
Just a -by- cell with no window and only a
bucket to shit in.
You can avoid that by doing me this favor.
You don't have shit on me.
I noticed you have three X's tattooed on the
back of your neck.
I think that's rather appropriate since you're
looking at three strikes.
Grand theft, reckless endangerment, and that
bridge stunt of yours...
...makes you a three-time loser.
Maybe you ought to call yourself "Triple X".
But if you do what I want, I'll make all your
transgressions go away...
...and let you get back to that pathetic excuse
of a life.
Or you think maybe I should be like you.
Get all shot up for the old Stars and Stripes.
I bet that flag is a real comfort every time you
look in the mirror.
A small price I paid for putting foot to ass for
my country.
So, what's it going to be, Triple X?
You want to get on a plane...
...or is "Kiss my ass, scarface" your final
answer?
Prague, Czech Republic
Yo. What's your name, slick?
My name is Ivan.
-Ivan? What's your name, buddy? -My name is
Ivan.
You're both Ivan?
Take a seat.
Idiots! Where is the American agent?
This is him, Sir.
We better order another bodybag.
Guys, what's up?
I told you to sit down.
I've just been on a plane for hours. I think
l'll stand.
My name is Milan Sova, Czech secret police.
Here, you are under my jurisdiction.
You take my orders, you do what I say.
If you become any kind of an inconvenience,
I'll shoot you.
That's great. Is this where I'm staying?
Your government is putting pressure on mine.
This is an internal Czech affair that you are
interfering with.
I will warn you once: Don't shit in my lawn.
Get whatever information your government
seeks and get out.
Let's get this straight.
You may not want me here, but I definitely
don't want to be here.
Two, I've never been under anyone's
jurisdiction.
Three, if you're going to shoot anybody...
...shoot that monkey that sold you the suit.
Now, I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.
Be ready in three hours.
Everybody in this club has two things in
common:
-They're rich and they're criminals. -I'll fit in,
except for the rich part.
-Remember, we don't know each other. -I wish
we didn't.
Yeah, can I get a cranberry club soda?
Throw this back there? I'll tip you something.
Put it in the back.
How much? Do I get a ticket?
That's them. Anarchy .
You see the guy on the couch?
That's Yorgi. He's the leader.
He owns this club and five others like it. All,
how do you say, cash cows.
American?!
Guys, I'm American. I'm going to see Yorgi.
Yorgi!
Hey, Yorgi! I hear you're the guy--
I heard you're the guy to talk to about cars.
Take yourself outside.
Take myself outside? I'm just--
Okay. I'm not welcome.
Guess you'd rather have cops in your club.
Want to talk?
Hey, you silly boy. Come with me and show me
the cop...
...and don't be mistake.
See that guy there, with the suit made out of
drapes?
That's a cop.
Is there a problem? I just had a drink, you
know?
I already paid. I'm going to give a big tip, you
know?
So, what is this all about? I've done nothing.
You've done nothing? Who do you work for?
I work in a bank. So what?
You've got to be....
What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it!
What's that, your bus pass?
Czech - . Czech - .
Leave my club.
How did you know?
When he was paying for his drinks, he was
flashing his badge to half the bar.
Cops like plague.
No matter how many you pay, there's always
another with his hand out.
I'm from the streets. I know cops, believe me.
I appreciate you bringing this to our attention.
My question to you is why?
I figure, no one likes cops crashing their party.
I figure, I do you a solid, we could talk.
I just want to buy cars, man.
Is this guy going to hump my leg?
What's your name?
Xander Cage.
I knew it.
You are amazing on snowboard, motorbike,
everything.
-You're awesome. -Thank you, man.
My brother is crazy too, and a great admirer of
yours.
He has seen your tapes many times. Now we
can talk business.
This way, please.
Yelena.
Welcome to the Xander zone.
Now, that's funny. That's funny.
Sit down, Mr. Cage.
My friends call me X.
So, X, what exactly are you wanting?
Ferraris, high-end pasta rockets, to start.
This car, number will be very difficult to
find in Europe.
That one's for me. I put it in there to get
something out of the deal.
Well, you certainly know your cars.
Yeah. Cars, bikes, boards. You name it.
I like anything fast enough to do something
stupid in.
Yes.
Ten cars is hardly worth the effort. A lousy .
million, U.S.
Now, hold on a second.
The American buyers I represent, to them,
cars is an appetizer.
-And it's a mil max, sister. -How about a
million four?
I was thinking more like a mil two.
Do you know what a wire transfer is?
Is she for real?
Sweetheart, is there anything you need to do?
Let us big boys have a conversation.
"Conversation", a word with four syllables.
Do you want some ice before your brain
overheats?
Ice. Yeah, you could chisel some off your
heart, if you could find it.
This would work a lot faster, princess, if I had
an account number.
You have hours to complete the transfer.
-Don't waste my time. -I wouldn't dream of it.
I might throw in a couple extra bucks and send
you to charm school.
Now that business is finished, we party.
Bitches, come!
Yeah?
Shit, I thought this was a cell phone.
Have a nice rest?
Dial it down. I got to sleep an hour ago.
You were given a specific list of cars. Who told
you to alter it?
The cars sucked. They would've seen through
it.
You guys should switch travel agents.
I got that info you wanted.
Hang on a second.
You guys ready for this?
Names, birthdays, ranks in the Red Army.
Favorite foods? How did you get this?
Kolya, Yorgi's younger brother, happens to be
an action sports fanatic.
So naturally, he's a fan.
But when you kill a bottle of vodka in three
swigs, you'll talk.
-I got something else. -What?
Their personal bank account number. Where
did I put that?
Stolen cars, nightclubs, prostitution, extortion.
What's the big deal? We got criminals like this
in the U.S.
Your job isn't to ask questions.
Well, I did my job, thank you. I'm coming
home.
Not just yet.
You're a victim of your own success. Get closer
to these guys.
-They're cool, but not that cool. -Go deeper.
I'll send a guy with a care package to help you.
-I thought we had a deal. -You change cars, I
change the deal.
Do this for me, you can come home.
If you send someone to save the world, make
sure they like it the way it is.
I have a really firm chest. I bench, like, .
Like, bench. Weight room. Bye.
-That's him. -Wait. You're Triple X?
-You're the care package? -Agent Toby Lee
Shavers.
Come on.
You have to rate high to get Gibbons to send
this stuff.
I kind of wish I was going with you, mixed up
in the fury of the situation.
Crazy. License to kill, death, destruction,
mayhem.
Got a gun under your pillow. Never know when
some freak villain will pop out.
-How long you been with the agency? -Two
days.
You're shitting me. No way.
That sucks.
Yeah, it sucks, but it beats jail.
It sucks because I spent six years...
...in the basement of some windowless, NSA,
gadget freak room, man.
And I got a degree. I got a degree from MIT.
Phi Beta Kappa, magna cum laude.
And they probably picked you up, what,
pumping iron in San Quentin?
You ever get punched in the face for talking
too much?
Show me the stuff.
This one made my career, the definition of
perfection:
My multi-purpose, multi-function field revolver.
-Oh, I like this. -Then you'll love these.
These are all attachment darts. See the green
ones?
Datura knockout darts.
Guy goes down for hours, wakes up,
doesn't know who he is...
...and his head's splitting like a cord of
firewood.
I was shot twice by those.
And the red ones are tranquilizer and
blood-splatter darts.
Looks like a kill shot without the aftereffects.
Like death.
You've got exploding and surveillance darts...
...and your standard . -caliber bullets, if you
want to get nasty.
A little wet work. You know what I'm talking
about, right?
Knocked over a few -Elevens, have we?
No, I had my leg in a cast for three months. All
I did was play video games.
That's a really sad story.
Check this out, on to my baby.
Eagle Eyes. Nine enhanced-vision modes.
Every little boy's dream: the penetrator mode.
Check it out.
Oh, my God.
-She's checking you out, man. -I'll hang on to
these.
Now, on to my latest achievement.
I just put the finishing touches on them last
week.
What do you think?
-Bandages? -No, Mr. X, watch and learn.
There's enough primer to blow a hole in a
vault...
...vaporize a human, or whatever agents like
you might find a use for.
And check this out.
The detonator. How cool is that?
-You might want to back up for this. -It's a
bandage.
Just get behind the wall.
You ready?
I've always wanted to say this.
Fire in the hole.
It's loaded.
So, what do you think? Beautiful.
You like the cars?
I love the cars, they're dope.
-You like the money? -I love money, but I do
not have it.
You look like you're doing very well. All these
employees, beautiful cars.
This is no time for being funny.
-You didn't think I wasn't good for it? -It never
crossed my mind.
A cargo ship's waiting for you in Rijeka. Here's
the address.
This place is dope.
This one's mine?
Car number .
Kolya found it hiding in Berlin. It was very
difficult to find.
No! Please.
Allow me. You were kind enough to give me
the money.
Now, please...
...drive.
No, allow me.
-You're all right, Yorgi. -Everything's all right
with vodka.
You must come to party tonight. Big party at
one of my clubs.
-Yeah? -Yes.
What's going on, my friend?
You tell me. You got a sniper up there or
what?
He's not with us, he must be with you.
Bullshit! Tell your men to get down...
...or I'll give you another hole to breathe out
of. Are we clear?
All right. lt's not yours.
Let's go and get him together.
Son of a bitch. That same cop from the club.
Filthy cop.
Most people talk a lot. Few are up for the
moment.
Welcome to Anarchy .
Why do you do that to yourself? That cigarette
will kill you one day.
I like smoke better than air. If I could, I'd
smoke in my sleep.
I would still do it after it kills me.
You were talking about Anarchy .
What is that, some motorcycle gang of yours?
It's what we've been living since when
we left the army of Mother Russia.
Many of our comrades died in combat, and we
said, "To hell with this shit".
They die for what? Politics?
Whose politics? Not ours!
So we decide from then on to do what we
want, when we want.
It is in their honor we call ourselves Anarchy
.
You know, there's an old punk song. It says:
-You got it! -"Anarchy Burger" by the Vandals.
I'm with you, but what are you going to do?
You got rules and government everywhere.
Always was, always will be.
Maybe not always.
Make sure he doesn't get lonely.
Don't be shy.
You want to dance?
Hey. Hey!
Hey! I'm really a good dancer.
Make that two.
All right, it's going to be like that?
If you're mad at him, don't take it out on me.
I've been trying to figure out the deal between
you two all night.
You his woman or what?
Yeah, I'm his woman. If you pay me as much,
I'll be your woman too.
-Did you enjoy that? -Yeah.
Good, because it will never happen again.
The original owners just one day decide to
move out.
-This is amazing, man. -Make yourself at
home.
Let me get your coat.
What's up with your boy? He got a coat fetish?
Oh, no.
He's in love with her. Dirty fool.
Time for bed, X. It's getting early. Yelena!
Would you kindly show him his room?
-After you. -No, after you.
-No, after you. -No, I insist.
That's it.
Last chance to tuck me in.
Good morning.
The things I'm going to do for my country.
It's none of my business, but a power drill and
some titanium bits...
...will get you a lot further than that camera.
You're not supposed to be in here.
I was on my way to the bathroom.
What's your excuse?
I don't need an excuse.
Oh, you're good.
But not that good.
I came in here to photograph Yorgi's safe.
I thought it might be worth a lot to somebody.
Come on. You're cold, intelligent and vicious.
It's your eyes that give you away.
They gave you away when I shot that cop.
What are you going to do now?
Now I'm going to take you to lunch.
Oh, and that cop I shot, isn't dead.
I have some information for you.
I can always use information. Who is this? How
did you get this number?
Yes. Important information that you need
about Xander Cage.
-So you don't like foreigners, do you? -No,
you're a pig.
Is your boyfriend a pig too?
You should recognize one of your kind.
Now, tell me about the cop.
What if I told you I'm not who you think I am?
That I could get you out of the mess you're in?
Really? And what mess am I in?
The mess that makes you sneak around the
castle when everyone's asleep.
The cop?
See this? It's called a blood-splatter dart.
The impact's real, but it's harmless. Red paint,
mostly.
Why?
I'm a secret agent.
Are you sure you don't want to embarrass me?
-Come on. -What's so funny about that?
I mean, look at you.
I work for the NSA.
You're funny, you know that?
Yelena, it's Kirill.
Yorgi found out that Cage is an American
agent.
Do you understand what I'm telling you? You
are in danger, my love.
The building across the street. The statue.
Bring him outside. I will do the rest.
What was that, your boyfriend?
Let's say you are who you say you are.
-What can you do for me? -What do you want?
I want immunity from prosecution, asylum in
the U.S. and citizenship.
How about a condo on South Beach and a rich
boyfriend?
Those I can get for myself.
-What do you want? -I need to know more
about Anarchy .
You want to know about Anarchy ?
You've seen the girls, the clubs, the parties.
What you don't see is what goes on during the
day.
There's been a lot of activity in the last year.
People coming in and out.
-Russian scientists. -Well, what are they up to?
They go in the basement and I'm not allowed
in.
Now's a good time for you to get invited.
Yorgi knows you're an agent. Kirill is waiting
with his rifle.
-Where--? -Don't look!
There's a back door.
They'll know you warned me.
If you go out the front, he'll put a bullet in
your eye.
-You still packing? -Always.
Get ready to use it.
-What's your plan? -He's still in love with you.
-He'll wait for a clear shot. -That's your plan?
Thank you. Great.
Draw!
He's on the way.
Gibbons! My favorite kidnapper. Next time
send a limo.
Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
You already broke me. No need to get cruel
and unusual.
A ticket? Now, that's funny.
-Where am I going to go now? -Home.
Home?
Your cover's blown. You're not useful.
That's it? I'm done?
No tricks. We have enough intel to move
forward.
-With what? -Sweeper team: quick, clean,
effective.
Don't worry about it. It'll all be over soon.
You mean a sweeper team to come in and kill
everybody?
Not all of them are as bad as you think.
You had to shoot a cop. How "not as bad as I
think" could they be?
Okay, look.
We've got a complication. There's a girl.
Yelena.
There's always a girl.
She wants out and I sent her back in to get
more intel for you.
There's no time to play favorites. The cards
have been dealt.
What do you mean the cards have been dealt?
You don't even know her, man.
Oh, by the way, that bank number you gave
us?
Your friends and Yelena have made some
large cash transfers...
...to a group of Russian scientists known to
specialize and traffic...
...in biological weapons.
-She had nothing to do with it. -Go home.
-She ain't--! -That's an order.
How's it going?
Life is shit!
Yeah, well what can you do?
Through this door, you are with us to the end.
-Are you sure that's what you want? -I'm sure.
This is Ahab. Think of it as solar-powered
submarine.
It can circumnavigate the globe to reach its
target.
It need only surface to gather sunshine and to
do its business.
What is it? What's its business?
Dropping off presents to all the good little boys
and girls.
My team will be finished tomorrow.
How about you?
We're finished now.
Nikolai!
Bring the rockets.
The detonator is for you.
Yorgi! The binary agents are mixing...
...it will kill us all!
Looks like little white mouse.
Bye-bye, little mouse.
My God.
They did their job and now they were liability.
We don't need anyone talking about our
business.
The gas gets sucked through the extractor
fans, passed into water...
...and broken down to become, once again,
completely harmless.
So quiet.
I know now why they call it Silent Night.
Let's get some food.
Find out what's going on!
What the hell was that?
That works.
Fire in the hole.
Sova. What are you doing here, man?
First you set me up in the bar. Then you shoot
me in the back.
My boss does it to me. I did it to you. It's a
vicious circle.
-You think it's funny? -No.
You didn't take it personally, did you?
I did what I had to do to get in. We're on the
same side.
I'm sorry. I switched sides.
You pushed me too far. My government
doesn't pay as well as Yorgi.
My government pays twice as much--
Think you could just walk into the spy
business...
-...and have all the angles figured out? -What
are you going to do, shoot me?
Where? In the head, to be quick?
Or in the chest for an open casket, so I can see
your heart?
Can I think about it?
What are you doing?!
I heard you talking. I could tell where you
were in the room.
What are you doing with the Ivans?
What's going on?
There's something I didn't have the time to tell
you.
I'm an agent as well.
I'm an agent for FSB, Russian Intelligence.
You know, like your ClA.
-I've been undercover for two years. -Two
years?
What was your plan, let them die of old age?
There was no plan.
A year ago, Intelligence gets reorganized, I
stop getting orders.
They forget about me. And I did what I must
to survive. You understand?
What do I understand? I've been an agent for
a week.
But my boss needs to know what we know
now.
-Okay? -Okay.
The submarine's purpose is to deploy a nerve
agent called Silent Night.
It's been missing since the Soviet Union's
collapse in ' .
It can kill millions.
We knew they were up to something. You
found out.
-That's excellent work, Triple X. -There was
never a sweeper team.
If I said don't jump off the Empire State
Building....
-You're right. I'd definitely do it. -I inspired
you.
I'm an authority figure, that's what I'm
supposed to do.
Look, my men are on this now.
-It's time for you to come home. -What about
Yelena?
I'm not authorized to give her asylum.
But I promise it'll be done by the time you get
here.
Come home, Xander. That's an order.
How soon can Yorgi launch this thing?
You were told to go home! Your people are
handling--
How soon, Yelena?
Soon. But it's not our problem anymore!
If they get ahead of schedule, it's everyone's.
He's got an army, a fortress. You don't stand a
chance!
I've risked my life for stupid reasons. This is
the first one that makes sense.
This is not one of your stunts. You'll die in this,
you know that.
If you don't go back in there...
...he'll know something's wrong.
You can't ask me to go back there. You can't.
You want to know something ironic? I
volunteered for this assignment.
I wanted to make a difference.
I fought for it.
Then finish it.
Remember what I told you, after you kissed
me?
-Never again? -I lied.
But when you break it down, I'm a simple
man.
I'd be happy with a beautiful Czech girl--
Hey, geek! Got new orders from Gibbons. Get
in.
-I want all that in here. -Done.
The castle's covered with surveillance cameras.
That's why we cannot get close enough.
Hang on. That's why I need to knock out the
communications tower...
...at the base of the mountain.
Is there anyone here who knows how to fly a
plane?
I can.
Too much turbulence around these mountains!
Just get me in line with that tower!
I'll do the rest!
Go now!
Viktor! We got company!
Catch him fast. Kill him slow!
Nothing like fresh powder.
Yelena, my sweet dove, did you get confused?
Your assignment was to kill the cop after he
killed X.
Not good for undercover agent from Russian
lntelligence.
I knew about you all along...
...and it was my pleasure to twist you and use
you how I saw fit.
And you.
Of all people, I thought you'd understand...
...what I'm trying to accomplish.
Can you imagine?
Imagine a city like Prague vanishing...
...in a cloud of poison gas.
Then Hamburg, London, Washington.
Imagine not knowing who did it, or why. And
so they turn on each other.
These guys attack those guys. Those guys
invade these guys.
Soon, whole world implodes.
Imagine governments disappearing.
And in the end...
...imagine facing absolute, beautiful freedom.
But neither of you will be there to see it.
Like Viktor.
Like Kolya.
Cover me!
Get me out of this thing!
He took the hard drive. He's going to launch
Ahab!
Pick one.
Ivan, take out that nest!
You have to turn the safety off.
Hold them off as long as you can.
See you, my friend.
Come on, baby.
Stop! He's got us pinned down.
Shit.
You got a bazooka!
Stop thinking Prague police and start thinking
PlayStation. Blow shit up!
This is not bazooka. This is heat-seeker rocket.
Heat-seeker?
Set it.
The son of a bitch is smoking.
I told him that cigarette would kill him.
Learn how to shoot, piece of shit!
Quick! Help me pull him out!
It will hit the city in minutes!
Guys. I need a helicopter.
I need transportation. I need a--
X, there you are. I gave you everything you
wanted.
This thing will damn near fly now.
You screwed me. Gibbons didn't authorize this.
He'll hang us both out to dry.
-Agent Shavers. -Yeah?
I'm going to give you a field promotion.
Take over, finish the mop-up. You're in charge.
Yes, sir! I'm the man for the job! I won't let
you down!
Wait! Wait! Wait!
Almost forgot the manual. You'll need this.
Hey, X. Go kick some ass.
That thing must be going mph! How do we
stop it?!
We can't! The controls are on the bubble
panel.
-You see it? -Yeah.
The hard drive's in there!
You got the manual. See if Shavers put in
anything we could use.
-He's got very bad handwriting. -Come on!
Flame throwers, mini-bombs, exploding
hubcaps, rocket launchers!
This is a tank. You can't use any of it on Ahab.
Silent Night only breaks down in deep water.
-I'll have to get on it! -What?
I'll have to get on it.
Our surveillance puts Ahab minutes outside
of Prague.
-We should evacuate the city. - minutes for
. million people?
Call air support. We may need to blow it out of
the water.
-If we hit that thing-- -This city will die.
And the crisis will be contained!
One city's better than .
Another thing: A blue GTO is traveling parallel
to Ahab.
Shit! Does this road go back to the river?
Come on! Check the GPS!
Yes, it does! Fifteen miles at the town of
Davle!
There's got to be something here we could
use.
Harpoon gun, parachutes built into seats,
ejectable roof.
It's all useless!
How far are we?
The river is just beyond the next village.
I'm going through! Use the rocket launcher!
-Twenty-two! -Hit it!
That was a flamethrower! Use the rockets!
It's ! I told you! I told you he had bad
handwriting!
Hit it!
Shavers loaded this thing. We're missing
something.
There are more weapons here on the back.
Look.
-Take the wheel! -What? You're crazy!
The brake! The brake!
The gas! The gas!
X, what are you doing?
Five minutes to target.
X, talk to me! What are you doing?
-You said there was an ejectable roof. -Right
here!
Hit it!
Shit! lt's out of range!
-There's a bridge! Cross the bridge! -Okay.
Come on.
Come on!
-Got you! -Yes!
-I wish I had a camera! -What you talking
about?
This is gonna be one hell of a trick.
Three minutes to target.
One minute to target.
Move! Move! Move!
Out of the way!
Eyes!
Ten seconds to target.
Target in sight.
Call the jets off. Tell the jets to stand down!
Welcome to the Xander zone!
Zero contamination level. I understand, sir.
Zero contamination level.
You Yelena?
Mr. Gibbons.
I promised Xander you could go to America.
I'm a man of my word.
It doesn't make much difference now, does it?
He's alive! He's alive! Come here!
Get him out of there, double-time. Go! Move!
-Bora Bora! -What? I can't hear you!
Bora Bora.
You're getting burnt.
Xander, you there?
I know you're there, Xander. I've got you here
on satellite magnification.
Call me. We got a whole new thing to talk
about.
Something very important has come up.
Oh, by the way...
...you passed the test. The Gibbons test.
You gotta be kidding me.